|
|
WELCOME Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. What the heart gives away its never gone but kept in the hearts of the others. To truly love another means to let go of all expectations and having full acceptance. In melody divine, my heart beats to rapturous love to call you mine ღ Profile Viewing ♥
|
|
S ecrets Lying Within
May 30, 2014 @ 2:22 AM
So, does every couples have secrets they actually keep from the other party? I really do not know about my boyfriend after my conversation with him, at least I don't. I mean like seriously, what's there to be left with if there are secrets lying within and would only trade it with something in return? Well, I really don't know how I should even talk to him, what am I to him? I truly feel like I am an outsider to him because he doesn't want to tell me about anything, unless i show him my blog, which is this. like really? Does he really have to do this to me? Frankly speaking, I didn't see it coming until just now. He don't even do that to his friends but why is he doing this to me? Am I really that unworthy to him? Or he didn't even trusted me since the beginning that actually make sense why instead of opening his heart to me, he insisted in a trade. I really don't know how I am actually feeling right now, it's indescribable. I am really feeling like I really do suck so much that I have (1) No one to turn to, (2) my boyfriend is keeping his feelings and secrets and whatsoever because I am that unworthy to him and (3) I just suck and (4), (5), (6) and blah blah blah blah... So many emotions running, so much to process, nothing to feel because I do not know what kind of a feeling I should actually be having with what he said. I can't sleep, but there is nothing else I can do - nothing at all. I am feeling, hopeless, and helpless. Maybe right from the start like what I said on Tuesday, I should disappear and stop being a burden to everyone who knows me and continuing to waste the Earth's resources. Like what i told Goy, the time won't be now, not last Tuesday, nor today but someday, when I have given up fighting, knowing very well they i can never compromise to society and that that the society can't accept who I really am, I will still not give in because the day I crash will be the day i leave this world and not to fight against it anymore but still never to compromise. To be honest, after my conversation with him, I really should have done what I said on Tuesday, this relationship is not going well, firstly he have secrets, secondly even he cannot accept me and thirdly, coming to think of it carefully,I am really dumbfound with every single thing he said on Tuesday and Today. Seriously, work hasn't been easy on me, busy, working till late night with me crying in tears to sleep the night before. Boyfriend saying everything that I would have never expected that he would have. Life is not going easy on me either, guess it is retaliating on me for not being compromising I guess. Well, don't be too shock to find out that I suddenly went missing because I have decided that even if I cannot win the battle, I will not lose either. What i can't get over with now is only that I still cannot believe that even my boyfriend is against me just like everyone else. trading? condescending? secrets? Wow. I really didn't see that coming but now I see. Well, I am speechless, that is all Ican actually say because I am really feeling lost and helpless with his words. Enough said for today, shall fuck it and cry myself to sleep again, I guess? Nothing new, have doing so recently. I really miss my parents and uncles. *PS: Girls, I am sorry that if I were to let you guys down one day, but I will cross my heart and promise that it will be the first and the last time. I am really thankful for being the only two being so supportive, just like me and you both against the world. The thought really do make me feel a little better. Labels: Compromise Or Exclude? G OING FORWARD IN LIFE
May 20, 2014 @ 1:00 AM
It has been kind of long since I last updated as I was busy with so many things but I do even have any idea what on earth I am actually busying with? Oh, maybe everything still stays as mundane but more torturous. Operation timing for my work has officially changed to opening an hour later and closing at 9, which means instead of working till 7 unless needed to stay for events, we all end work at 8 for those who started work at 11. In my own opinion, it is really kind of dumb because the sales is still the same, the office is still as quiet as a cemetery, really don't understand why even implement this. Nevertheless, I find myself having like lesser time in hand to do my things, but in actual fact is that I am not used to spending so little time with my boyfriend. Sometimes, in times like this, I really wonder how I actually manage to survive during his army period and also when I was working in Clementi. During his army days, is still understandable that I go out and meet friends because he can't be around but have to be in camp and at that period of time I am still schooling so fine. Then, let's talk about during the times when I have to work from 830 am to 830pm and my workplace is like an hour and a half to his place and yet I still feel that I have more time. I am really thinking very hard, could it be that I am already too used to spending so much time with him that I don't feel contented without spending the same amount I used to? I guess, this is life, I am very good in adapting but I totally hate to. Oh well, other than that we both are actually working very hard towards our goals and future. Have been going for lessons and saving up. Soon, I might just be doing 2 extra jobs. Since I am feeling that I am not spending enough time, I shall start to work like a mad woman to (1) stop me from thinking anyhow, (2) earn more money and (3) make a better use of my life than to sit there whining and doing nothing about it. Wish us luck, really; got to jump out from the poverty cycle of a typical Singaporean life - sleep, work, eat, sleep and work and on and on and on. I am actually quite surprised that I am that intelligent to figure things out without help and teaching. You guys may think that being able to do excel is nothing but to do a perfectionist standard of excel with all the formula and automated calculations set up with no one teaching is an achievement for me. I am also unable to handle the perfectionist standard when I do things, its like having 2 me(s), one perfectionist and the other stressed. So it will be like, I do but I am never contented with the current results and will keep on pushing to one point where the stressed me will just go crazy and rage and then back to stressing myself with the standards again. Ain't complaining but kind of happy that I am like this (Many of the times, still there were exceptions) because in this way I can force myself to improve without the need of others to push me and that when the results are shown, it is an achievement unlocked and challenge accomplished where people will be impressed or be stunt for my capability. I like that feeling even though the process might sometimes not be pleasant. Anyways, so these 2 months have been busy traveling (to Korea) with family, planning for my Dad's Birthday, financial and future planning, Vietnam opening, and blah blah blah. So yupp, I am praying hard that I can tank it all the way. Shall update again soon but I do not know when!!!!!! I will do my best to see if I have time. SO, for now it will be Goodnights and sweet dreams to everyone on this cold cold rainy night! Have a good night rest, Ciaosu`` T OO MUNDANE
March 19, 2014 @ 2:44 PM
Have you ever felt that your life is so boring that it is almost colourless and living like a zombie with a properly working brain? I've got to say, this week as been a lazy week for me as of till today. Dozing off at work, and staring into the blank and stone. How amazing can it be for me not to even answer any calls at all. I am bored to the extend where I am out of ideas to keep myself occupied and then I decided to do something that will make my life mean something, that is to blog. Okay, let's try to make today a little meaningful and colourful ! First of, I am thankful with the bunch of friends that makes up like a family, 2 girlfriends in my life who will never betray me and all these makes me feel worthwhile going through that shitty 5 years. I do regret about making some decisions but there is no point running in circles thinking about it for what's done is done. Second, finally some colours in this rainy week, I am meeting my pretty, awesome girls for dinner and some craziness. Omg, it has been so god damn long since we meet and be sure that the place is gonna be so noisy with the 3 of us. Everyone has been busy and have no time. So, it's time to unleash and be crazy just for a night and tomorrow will be a brand new day! Being together with them, no matter how tired I am I can still laugh my ass out and really enjoy myself being who I usually am. Really looking forward to meeting them later. Lastly, I do not want to end this blog because I will be left with counting down of 4 hours and nothing to do but I have nothing to share until tomorrow with all the cam-whored selfies that will be taken tonight. Please pray hard for me that I will not turn into fossil fuel by the end of the 4 hours. Ciaosu~ Labels: Boredom can kill R AINY DAY
March 17, 2014 @ 1:02 AM
What a great day to start with, when it finally rained. Even though it's a rainy day, it is a good day. A day that everyone has long awaited for, after so long. Such cooling weather is so refreshing, it just seems like the surface of Singapore has just bathed and washed clean, making it so refreshing and new. Nothing interesting today, hopefully my life can become more colourful than now... Goodnights earthling, enjoy the cooling wind and have a good night rest ! Labels: Moving on... A BRAND NEW START
March 15, 2014 @ 8:31 PM
Hello guys, It has been officially at least 1 year 8 months that I haven't been updating my blog. Things have been different, many things. Let me list some of them.
It's also time for me to maximize my ability in observing people, I realize that I can observe individual very well but not the surrounding, which means I'm always at the losing end. I've been too open, too friendly. I really do have to stop thinking that everyone will want to be friends and that they are as kind as they portrayed themselves to be. Everyone have their dark side, yet I still stupidly be so opened to them. Not all are like that but most are. My uncle passed away last year and he is a really good uncle to me, at least he is to me. I really hate discriminating people but I really feel that his children don't fit to be his. Not taking up their responsibility to take care of their dad is just unfilial. I will miss him, like how I miss my grandmother. They are those that treated me true-heartedly without asking for repay or anything at all. All those who were close, we ain't that close anymore. We have no time for each other, everyone is busy with their own life and they things. Sometimes, I really feel that I'm all alone again, back to the days when I feel that I don't have friends even if I know so many people. Now, I'm having the same feeling all over again. I don't know what to say, but they were important and they still are to me but I don't know if I'm still important to them anymore. I feel lost, and I feel that I'm losing them too. I really hope that something will change and let us be back like the old times. Okay, this post is getting a little too emotional, shall end this post with some good news! I'm heading to Korea this coming April and just keep yourself on a look out for the post on the trip! I might be doing a post-live update. HAHAHAHAHA! Might, because I am too lazy :D Have a good day guys! Ciaosu~ Labels: Time to learn and move on! |