Forgive and Forget. Forgive if you can't Forget. Forget if you can't Forgive. How I wish there is a box somewhere in my brain that I can store all my unhappiness memories in it. Then I will lock it and send it far.. hiding somewhere in my brain.. Over expecting, crash you more. Better don't expect then. No crash but surprises. May be it should be taken lightly. So you can let go easier when you need to. I am just.. over sensitive. My nature that can't be changed. And you're not sensitive, always asking why. Are we meant for each other..?

"What's the point of getting good result, making people expect so high from you?"


This question has been running in my mind for two days. Alot of things that happened made me to think about this question. Seriously, now I feel that.. My good result is actually a burden to me. People sees you differently when you have a good result. Some people would actually think that you're arrogant and bossy, when you're not. They would judge you, assume you, and predict you based on your result. But hey, I can tell you one thing. It's not what my result has made me, but what I have made my result. So, the me you're seeing now has no difference with the past me, and other people.

People would expect alot from you when you have good result. They would expect you to adapt things fast, understand things fast, and do things fast. But hello.. A high achiever also learnt to walk by crawling first. No different with any other people in this world. You can't expect them to run before they leaarned how to walk! Everything has it's first step! A high achiever doesn't mean they are genius. They may make mistake. They may do things slow. They may understand less. They also may adapt things slower than other people!

Suppose a high achiever and normal achiever made the same mistake. People would say it's ok for the normal achiever because they may be understand less. But people would criticise the high achiever for making such a mistake.

So you see.. What's the point of getting such a good result, making people see you differently? Yes, I have achieved what I wanted to achieve, I have proved what I wanted to prove. But what's the point? All I get is more stress. The result has handicapped me from making mistake, do things slow, and understand slow. The result has made people expect so much from me..

So.. People out there. Remember, result is not the most important aspect in your life. Result is just a point to determine how far you can push yourself in academy line. Just be neutral. Not too high. Not too low. And you'll have a better life. More happiness. Less worries.

Despite the things being said above, I still thank my God for His endless love and guidance that gave me what I have today. Not to forget that, I have made my family proud of me. That's my goal.

I am writing this while implementing + debugging + testing my final year project. It's a long long process. I have to keep running it, test it, fail?, edit and run again. I have been doing this non-stop since Friday. Thanks to the new requirement from client. The new requirement may seems easy and small.. But it's way tougher than I thought! And I am just 70% done with it, when tonight is the due date. Sigh.. Hope I can finish it by tonight.

My heart is beating damn fast now.. Cos I can see the sign of my successful code. Haha.. Hang on... and... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY DID IT! OMG OMG OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

So you see. Being a programmer is really like playing roller coaster. Any moment in programming, especially testing part will give you adrenaline rush. I really agree with the phrase, "I am Programmer and I have no life". Haha. Seriously like no life. I woke up this morning, had a 250ml of milk, and I am here till now. Without lunch - yet. When doing programming, I don't feel hungry. But the moment I achieves successive.. I AM SO HUNGRY! LOL!

When will someone really appreciate my existence..?
When will someone really appreciate what I do..?
When will someone really appreciate me..

Having mom and nephew sleep with me every night for the past few months was great and warm.
But it has ended.
My mom and nephew have went back to KL.
Who's sleeping next to me will only be my Rilakkumas and Korilakkumas.

Having noisy nephew at home was fun and annoying at times.
But now home is very quiet.
And I don't know what should I do.
I just feel not right.

The person I love the most is my mom.
Seeing her sad makes me sad as well.
She cried, I cried 2 times greater than her.
I even cried myself to sleep.

Sometimes seeing how people behaves,
Really makes me feel angry, annoyed and disturbed.
How much I wished I can act according to how I feel.
I wanted to shout at them to stop what they were doing.
But I can't.
Cos I'm the youngest.
Age gap.