My mind zaps like advertising TV commercials

I spent my entire holiday thinking back the days i had, what i did and didn't accomplished. Frankly speaking, nothing much has happened made my life significantly spectacular (except being able to meet him)
As i was inculcating myself with more positive and motivating visions, i haltered. Contradicting my thoughts were ideas like "are you cut out to be what you want to be?"
My mood went downhill the next day, and knowing the expectations of reality even made the impact deeper. Overall, the supposedly mind-relaxing holiday (all i did was take my mind of emotional tremors by spending precious time with family) became an undulating experience.
However, those troubled times were behind me now. As corny as it may sound, I realise i can strive beyond my current capabilities with the support and trust from family and friends. Now, all i need is to learn how to concentrate. Has been trying to fend off mild symptoms of ADHD.
Nevertheless, this new semester is a brand new start for me! Will not let you guys down :)

Just when you think you can take on judgments, you look at those behind you.
They can't.

Just when you think about crumbling into bits (no one minds anyway!), you look back at those eyes.
They can't.

Just when you think of losing it all, you look at them again.
They can't.

They can't because they love you too much to see you fall apart.

Sue's room, The Atelier

For a breezy room with entertainment purpose, a faulty bathroom with frequent galvanizing moments and torrential mud splashes of ups & downs; my new room is pretty much living up to my expectations.

My Atelier is my rendezvous for fun and all-nighter light ups. Me likey.

It was as if i was speaking in tongue again, but not religiously delirium type. It was a jabbering fantod moment i had when insecurity hits me.
I realise as how much i have been telling others not to think negatively, I have switched my side and i actually thought the devil hit off with me for the first time: yes sue, you are just not good enough.
I guess i shouldn't be privy on this thought but come on, I am doing myself a philanthropic therapy off the bandwagon to the dead end.

First, i'm lucky to have my confidante to cheer me up and a blog to review how much of a tool i have been to even believe i'm not worth it. You just can't make everyone happy, but you will be happy that you're living the way you want it to be. It's just your lose if you chose to thrash me on my first impression; i'm still awesome.

Any miracle vial that cure self-doubt and insecurity?

Let's propose that the formulae of douching my face and inking temporary watermarks of imagery camaraderie onto oneself will work.

It's all delusional when you are incorrigibly hypnotic of your own white flag.

Gritting The Trampling duo: Jealousy and Envy

Struck me in the head, and the next flash of my memory has taken me back to the very spot i have fallen into; the empowering shadows of others.

How many times have you discovered yourself staring at the mirror, wishing the idealistic alter ego of your reflective thoughts is the very vision of your own?

Or how often do you stare blankly at what you could do and could have done, all things wrong undone and perfected at the swerve of your magic wand? Tweak a lil here and there, a "cut-and-paste-me-over-model" photoshopped vector image of me and the mirages i see whenever i run out of inspiration.

But at the rate I'm going, i am preferably the wuss. At least, that is how i want to name myself now, periodically a de facto.
Very unhealthy indeed.

When you are angry

Gravity will always make a fool out of you and disses you even further.
Angst will blind you from "doing-your-stuff-well" and hence, a simple fall of a pencil on the floor will drive the nuts out of you.

After a tiresome exam (well yea, we students DO exert our brain other than facebooking), a hot shower is always the next best thing to do to give you a lil pat for the hard work. And here's the issue, the house maker had the "lower-floor & accessible water pressure" theory and decided not to have a water pump for the entire floor. I shower daily in a desperate manner from the low volume.

As an attempt for being optimistic since my very first departure with my precedent room, i chose to believe it is okay to take a longer time in shower.

Then the fall out approach; the toilet is clogged too.
Why? Imagine your daily duty of being a perfectly normal human being fulfilled with the means of excretion and an irresponsible toilet bowl for not fulfilling its purpose.

I can hear its faulty gurggling as we speak.

These are some of the nightmares no one wish they will be involved with when moving into a new house/room. Hopefully the management can aid me in my crisis despite of its very much delayed and still delaying effort to comply with my complain.

Yes Adam Young, i would love to have a strawberry avalanche falling all over me instead of a regurgitating toilet.