tummy full of butterflies

I'm starting my new job tmr at a good local company and in an industry that I'm familiar with. Apart from the fact that for once in my life, I'm not doing a customer service position. It's really making me nervous.

But at the same time, I'm actually feeling very excited that it's not a position that I'm familiar with. I get to learn new things and not be stagnant with my knowledge. Yes, I am very nervous. I hope it doesn't go like the previous company. Hopefully not. It better not be.

Ok. Maybe just a short post for now since it's almost 2.15 am.

Update more tmr or something. :)

Personality Profiling

INFJ Personality

The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions, especially when it comes to issues they consider really important in life. If an INFJ is fighting for something, this is because they believe in the idea itself, not because of some selfish reasons.

INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need – they may rush to the place of a major disaster, participate in rescue efforts, do charity work etc. INFJs see this as their duty and their purpose in life – people with this personality type firmly believe that nothing else would help the world as much as getting rid of all the tyrants. Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs.

These tendencies are also strengthened by the fact that INFJ personalities have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness – this means that their creativity and imagination can be directed towards a specific goal. Few other personality types have this trait and this is one of the most important reasons why many INFJs are able to eventually realize their dreams and make a lasting positive impact.

INFJs are masters of written communication, with a distinctively smooth and warm language. In addition, the sensitivity of INFJs allows them to connect to others quite easily. Their easy and pleasant communication can often mislead bystanders, who might think that the INFJ is actually an extrovert.

INFJs should be careful to avoid “overheating” as their zeal and determination can sometimes get out of hand. As introverts, INFJs need to have some “alone time” every once in a while or otherwise their internal energy reserves will get depleted really quickly. If this happens, the INFJ may surprise everybody around them by withdrawing from all their activities for a while – and since other people usually see INFJs as extroverts, this can leave them both surprised and concerned.

INFJs take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favor. Unsurprisingly, people with this personality type are very sensitive and vulnerable to conflicts – even the most rational INFJs may find it quite difficult to not take criticism personally. This is the INFJ’s Achilles’ heel – if someone with an INFJ personality cannot escape the conflict, they will do their best to deal with it head on, but this will result in a lot of stress and may also potentially lead to health problems or highly irrational behavior.

taken from http://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality

INFJ Strengths

Determined and passionate. INFJ personalities work very hard for causes they believe in. This passion can easily surprise people not used to seeing this side of the INFJ, but it is an inseparable part of their personality.
Altruistic. It is very rare to see an INFJ do something just for their personal benefit. People with this personality type tend to be very warm and altruistic, even though these traits may not be clearly visible.
Decisive. This is one of the most important strengths of any INFJ. Their imagination, combined with decisiveness, usually allows INFJs to achieve incredible things – not only they can come up with interesting and unusual ideas, they also have the willpower and planning skills necessary to implement those ideas.
Creative. INFJs possess a vivid imagination and rarely have any difficulties expressing it in one way or another. Most of their solutions revolve around people or ideals, as opposed to technical strategies – this strength makes INFJ personalities excellent counselors and advisors.
Inspiring and convincing. People with the INFJ personality type know their way with words and are known for their fluid, inspirational writing style. INFJs can also be convincing speakers, especially if they are talking about something they are very proud of or passionate about.
Very insightful. INFJs find it easy to decipher other people’s motives and are rarely affected by manipulation or sales tactics. They tend to know instantly whether someone is being honest. This strength shields their sensitive inner core, protecting the INFJ from disappointment.

INFJ Weaknesses

Extremely private. INFJs may appear expressive and passionate, but they are actually very private individuals. People with this personality type often find it quite difficult to trust a new friend or open up, even to people who are closest to them.
Can burn out easily. That strength and passion that INFJ personalities are known for can exhaust them quickly if they are not careful. INFJs also tend to internalize most of their feelings – this trait is not necessarily a weakness, but it deprives them of the “exhaust valve”.
Very sensitive. INFJs are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict situations, and can get hurt very easily. People with this personality type are also likely to react strongly to anything that challenges their inner principles and values.
Perfectionistic. INFJ personalities are inherently idealistic and do their best to achieve their ideals. This is a great trait, but it can quickly become a weakness if the same approach is applied in every area of life. For instance, INFJs may find it difficult to settle down in a romantic relationship, always looking for an ideal partner.
Always need to have a cause. INFJs may find it difficult to focus and force themselves to complete tasks which are not linked to one of their goals, e.g. some routine administrative work that must be carried out. People with this personality type always want to know that they are moving towards a worthy goal, and may feel disappointed and restless if this is not the case.

This is by far the most accurate result i've ever gotten!

Don't Stop Can't Stop?

I'm so obsessed with 2PM right now.

I just find that they're very inspiring and totally unlike other Kpop acts. They're more manly and they're definitely the real deal. Nichkhun in particular, i thought that he's cute and romantic after watching We Got Married. But after much Youtube-ing and whatnot, I am seriously in awe of this guy. Yes, he was scouted because of his good looks, but seriously, how do you keep pushing yourself to sing and dance AND speak/read Korean when you don't AT ALL. Seriously, inspirational.

I've been listening to their songs and their particular Don't Stop Can't Stop got to me. Really made me feel I can do anything I want to be if I work hard.

That being said, on Wednesday 23rd October, was supposed to be my first day of work at some tuition center. I was excited. I didn't sleep. Since work starts at 12pm, I went for a jog at 7am. I was so pumped up, listening to Don't Stop Can't Stop, thinking this job is going make a career for me.

I reached Bedok early. Was at McDonald's at 11.30 WHEN another company (which I thought would never call me back, which job post was what I wanted) CALLED!

I was so distraught. Here I was, half an hour before I started work and my dream job and company called me! What was I going to do? But I was so honest, I told them that I had already found a job.

So, I still followed with the plan. But the moment I entered that tuition center, I was in such a shock. They were doing some sort of filming for ad. I had to wait amongst all the chaos while the person in charge did some preparations for me. It was super awkward I wanted to cry.

And the fact that, there we so many foreigners! I have nothing against foreigners, really. I just felt small being with people who are in a better position than me, like really afraid. And I found out that my boss is an angmoh, waaaah!! Panic mode. I have this fear for working with Angmohs. Really, nono, it's not because of they came to Singapore to work steal our jobs thingy. No. It's more like, they're like, superior? I guess.

So you'd think, Don't Stop Can't Stop huh.

Lol. And then, the worst thing is when the person in charge started to introduce to me all the products. OHH seriously! Not was what I was expecting. I cannot absorb at all! It was all so alien to me. I've worked in the transport, retail, insurance and customer service line but education line?? Really? Not me.

I was so distracted still by the fact that the other company called. So while the Person in charge was doing some other work, I emailed the other company if they still had the position available as i was still interested.

And midst all the chaos, they asked to go for my lunch. OHHH WOW.

SO, in almost 10 years of working, I did what i have never done before.

I ran away. I lasted for two hours in that company. I was so scared. I had culture shock. I knew I didn't want to work in that company. If I stayed, I knew I was going to be in trouble. I didn't want that. The fact that the other company called was definitely a wake up call.

It really was okay if I didn't get a job with the other company. I would be really comfortable with any local company. Really.

If i look at it negatively, I ran away without trying. I was being a coward.

But, when I look at it positively, I wanted to be available for the company that I wanted to work with. I wanted to work in an admin post. I have done too much of customer service. I really want to sit down and do work on my own. Even if i don't get it, it's okay i guess.. Maybe I'll fit in in some local company. I'm chasing my own dreams. Not what people expect of me.

This experience really made me open my eyes and be more mindful about the companies that I apply for.

Well, let's just home the next job won't be disastrous as this.

In the meantime, don't stop can't stop.

Annyeong

I think since i'm unemployed, i should start blogging again.

when you're older, pouring your heart out just feels off. especially when its online. but then again, no one reads blogs anyore. so, it doesnt really matter now.

I just celebrated my 4.5 years anniversary with bb. who would have thought? really.

i remember the days when i would celebrate monthsaries and thinking, "WOW! Six months with the same guy!" and then, it was 1 year, then 2 years, and got engaged on the 3rd year and then, 4 years.. how time flies!

i really don't wanna type down what i'm feeling right now coz i'll get nonstop anxiety. coz it's about the W word. no. not now. i don't want to think about it. 

Being in a relationship, this long, hasnt been easy. the first 2 years were very difficult. we almost broke up many many times. maybe for one, we didnt understand each other. we were very different. he was a free spirit. i was an old soul. 

we still are. he was egoistic. he wouldn't give in. i was the needy and clingy one. and i would cry everynight.

but over the course of time, we grew up. and we became more tolerant of each other's behaviour. And so, for the past 2.5 years, i've been happier. he's giving in a lot. and he's smothering me with so much love. and i'm guilty of having a bad temper recently, which i feel very bad of.

but i'm still learning. 

i've started to wear hijab now. And i've started to solat, which honestly, i have been guilty of not doing. Allah SWT has opened up my heart to change. And i will try to be a good Muslimah.

For now, i'm still looking for a job. so most of my days are filled with housework and solat, which i find it to be very therapeutic.

Well, that's about it. For a first proper blog post in years, this is kinda long. well, till next time. 

hello

it's been a darn long time since i last blogged.

and this blog has been discovered and read by my Fiance. i feel bad that he had to read all of that deep embarrassing feelings that i had. i think he was hurt and it's just that he doesnt show it. :'( if the roles were reversed, i would have been crushed. haiz.. such is life.

but even through everything, i know that i only have one person in my heart and that is him. no one else. he's been the most loving fiance. even though he has his shortcomings but i know that there is no one that can love me as much as he does.

we just have to face this hardship of being unemployed together.

what more getting married in exactly one year. sigh.

i dont want to think about it. i'll get stressed up.

goodnight lovelies. we'll see how life goes from here.