feeling, i don't know.

i dunno whether it's a big deal or not.
or maybe i'm just thinking too much.

i don't know what it's about.
it's making me feel edgy.

i feel like i'm too insistant.
and so, i should back off.

i can't say out the things i wanna say
coz i don't want to lose.
that's all to it.

i don't wanna be like every other girl,
though i know that it's normal for things like that to happen.
forget it.

perturbed.

all in all,
face it.

and i wonder, why do i care so much?

let go.

such as.. being temperamental.

i'm too tired and lazy to update about my holiday.
hahaha. it was sucha crazy one.
just click the link and go see the pics aight.

HOLIDAY!

i have felt very disturbed lately.
clueless, actually.. on why i've been thinking too much.

thought about the man.
thought about him,
thought about arwah Malik; eversince i saw the accident along Malacca.
thought about school which, i've no idea when i should get the application form.
thought about life, which i keep contradicting it.
thought about the future.

i never used to think this much eversince i quit RP.

i dreamt of the man.
and it hurts.
but there's nothing i can do about it.
as much as i think that he's perfect,
the more i think that he's imperfect.
there's no denying that i miss him.
but mr man, i hate hoping.
coz hoping, will hurt me in the end.
it's been 4 months, it's been.. long.

1 year 1 month single.
wooh. definitely an achievement for me.
but then again, there's a glint of hurt and animosity.
i wished, but it turned to hope.
and i resent myself for hoping.

wow, i'm feeling miserable.
something i haven't felt for a long time.
i've kept my ego intact.
i've kept my head up.
i've always had my strong front.

haiz.. just so tired of all that.
so tired of being strong all the time,
when all i wanna do is drop and cry.

well, let's just bring an end to this misery for the time being.
it's 1 am and i need to sleep already.

lol, it's so unlike me to be emo.

take me into those arms,
hug me as tight as possible.
all i need is those warm hug of yours,

waiting...

boohoo

i hate packing.
mom has been bugging me for days and hours just to get me to pack my stuff.
like, since when do i even pack early?
i've always waited to the day before the trip,
in the wee hours,
just to pack my stuff.

and i take hooooooours to just pack one bag.
which only consists of outfits.

the second bag, would be for things which i need regularly,
like makeup bag, wallet, handphones, mp4, perfumes etc.
and, habitually, my toiletries as well.

oh shit.
where am i gonna stuff my footwear?
urgh.
travelling is fun,
but not packing!

and i know i'm gonna regret my choice of clothes.
haha, especially when i know that i'm going to Cameron Higlands,
and i only bring 2 long sleeve tops.
ahh well, there're always Shafiq's clothes which i can borrow.
hehh.

so, then..
this morning right..
i was at work. fucken busy lah.

and in total, i collected something like $29,642.82
broke my record today.
and i was so excited when i collected 2 of this!



woohoo.
and of course at the end of the day while closing,
i've had all the different kinds of notes that Singapore has!



supercool lah.

well friends and loved ones,
will be back on Christmas i guess.

2 days of work and then Sunday,
will be back to Ledang to pick Dad up.

tsktsk. i've been wanting to meet up with some people,
but due to the time constraint, everything has to postpone.
tsktsk.
end of the year. it's always like that.

on a lighter note,
look at this!



she looks like Queen Amidala from Star Wars.
hahaha. this was when we made a cake out of Atie.
hehehh.

so, will be back in 6 days then.
take care good people.
=)

thoughts.

i'm guessing that i have too much free time on my hand,
thus the frequent blogging these few days.

well, i've been thinking a lot recently,
when i shouldn't exactly be.
and the excuse which i can come up with,
would be:

1. PMS. that's like a bigtime excuse.
2. work stress.

you know how sometimes, things happen but they don't happen like what you think it did, but because of what you thought, it bothers you somehow?
geddit?
well, it sucks.

and because of your ego, you don't want to improve the situation when in actual fact,
you really badly want to.

ohhhh nevermind.
it's just a passing feeling i guess.
it'll be over soon enough.

and i always do that.
it's just so irritating.. hahaa.
i mean, really..
type down things which trouble me and end the post with a "forget it", "nevermind"
like, i don't want to think of a conclusion to the post,
and instead resort to, just denying the thought and block it off from the memory.

howells.
and, i decide to end it.
abruptly.

so bye. hahaha

birthdays

firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATIE!
she finally turned 18 on the 14th.



sorry i havent really buy you a present yet.
coz i'm planning to buy when i'm out of town. =)
so, just wait yeah.. hehe.

secondly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN DIANA!
i shall not reveal her age coz i know she'll definitely knock me out if i do.
haha.
still, she turned ** on the 16th!



heh, and seriously..
it slipped my mind this morning that it was her bday.
until i was changing my date stamp at work.
i resorted to just texting.

and after work,
the parents fetched me up from work,
went to West Coast park.
had a Mega Mac while the brothers were off blading.

kak diana was telling mom that she wasn't celebrating her bday this year coz abg hafiz isnt around.
i was like, this cant be happening siar.

so i told her,

"you just wait. i still have 4 hours left to the end of your birthday. i'll think of something to do to you. haha, just you wait..."

so then told dad about the plan and he was like, ok jom!

bought the cake.
and we were walking back to the car when we passed by Watsons.
of course, Watsons always have sales going on.
and, i saw these nice Adidas box, with cosmetic bag, perfume and spray deodorant.
got it instantly.
and the parents bought like, these 2 hampers which had shower gels, body lotion and soap.

and we raided her house.
mak, direct translation for serbu. hahaha.

the funny thing was..
we had 2 plans.

PLAN 1: if she's not home yet, we pakat with Mak Lang and cik Ahmad to surprise her IN the house.

PLAN 2: if she's home, we'll just bring her cake in and sing to her at the door.

then, i was like, okay.. so how do we know that she'll be home or not?
can't possibly call her. confident plan2.. but dunno how which plan to follow.

so then okay lah, gut feeling.
we just light up the candles along the corridor and walked up to the door and sang.
she was like, utterly shocked.
and maklang was like,

"aku fikir api aper yang bergerak!"

HAHAHA.

and of course, she cut the cake and we gave the presents.





and that was it..
=)

and she called my family a family bergerak..
betol jugak lurh tu. :p

pop oh.

haha. not me.
but Shafiq has POP-ed from his Cadet Leftenant Course.
3 weeks and finally POP.

so, on Friday, asked Max if i could end work early.
and i did at 5.30 and the parents fetched me and off we went to Amoy Quee NCC Hq.
and we had to sit like quite far from the parade coz it was full up front.

and when i saw him marching past,
i was like..

"EHHH ADIK AKUUUU!"

haha. was proud of him though i havent really been there to support him.
and i was quite happy that i came.
coz initially, i told him i couldnt coz work usually finish at 7.
but i just tried my luck and yeaah, i made it.

also, there was this part where,
family members are supposed to put in the rank for them.
it was so kecoh lah.






so you can see, how extremely excited the parents were.
hehehh.
but at the end of the day, we had our fair share of pictures taken.



and today,
we went to Gunung Ledang to recce the place.
and the brothers ended up swimming at the waterfall.







so yeah, basically that's it.
back to work tmr.
for the whole 5 days.
then off to holiday for another 5 more days.
and start work the next day.

okok. live life day by day. =)

good night good ppl.

missing it.

i miss getting shahaha hugs can? :(

school?

terribly long day.

after work, to rp.
from rp, back home.

from home,
went to adam road for supper.
wasn't satisfied with the food.

so drove around, just to find satay.
and we ended up driving to Simpang Bedok.

and the satay was quite good actually.
woohoo. might return there one day.

okay well..
i've had recurring dreams.
of, school

i've dreamt of RP, SP and NP.
and it made me miss school a lot.
so i've decided to go back to school.

and RP is out of the question.
noooo way. not RP in a million years.

not NP too,
because it will remind me of arwah.

NYP and TP do not have the courses which i'm interested in.

and finally,
there's SP.

they have a new course there.

Diploma in Creative Writing for TV and New Media (DTVM)

http://www.sp.edu.sg/SPweb/appmanager/home/default?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=SP_FS_C_CASS_DTVM&_nfls=false

it's like cool coz,
i get to learn to write scripts for comedy programmes and such.
well, just go to the website and see lah.

and i guess SP would be a good choice,
since it's near to home.
it doesn't have a straight 8.30 to 4 lessons every single day.

and most importantly,
- NO PBL.
- NO LAPTOPS (UNLESS NEEDED)
- HAVE EXAMS.
- HAVE TESTS.
- HAVE ASSIGNMENTS
- HAVE PROJECTS
- HAVE ATTACHMENTS.

which equals to MUGGING! =)

haha. basically, the opposite of RP.

i am sane when making these statements.
i don't know what i've learnt in RP.
i don't remember them much.

coz you see, not everyone can adapt to PBL.
not everyone can do independent learning.
and laptops in class are total distractions.

you need to be in RP to actually understand the feeling.

haha. well, we'll see how.
told the parents about it.
think they should be okay with it.

shoots. 4.02 am.
KEJE LAH OI later.
bye

waiting.

waiting.

waiting for it to be 10 to watch the Singapore-Indonesia match.
waiting for it to be 11 to get my pay banked in.
waiting for it to be 12 after the match finish to go for late supper.

and lastly,

waiting for tmr, where hopefully.. yeah hopefully..
(complete the sentence yourself with your own imagination)

i am so trying to waste time now.

lalala~ 15 mins to go.

ohh maaan.
where are my endless ideas when it comes to typing?
i always have some opinion about some things.
but now, i can't even think of anything meaningful to type.

sometimes, when you have lesser problems,
it makes you think less as well,
coz you're not able to evaluate your life.

like, it's so stagnant..

oh anyways,

i miss this nyonya a lot!



i should totally meet her like soon.
haha. it's been like a month or so.

ok done. 3 mins left to 10.

ciao.

socceroo.

i assure you, i am no longer a soccer addict,
like i was back in secondary school.

eversince i left Home United Fan Club in 2003,
i've never really been interested to watch any soccer match.

except, of course, ASEAN CUP since Singapore won like, last year?

yesterday's Singapore Vs Myanmar match got me on multiple orgasms.
haha. okay, not.

it was like, a super interesting match where Singapore kept attacking in the 2nd half. Myanmar on the other hand, had lesser opportunity of course, but it seems like there were more red shirts than white.

But the 78th minute fiasco was like, the highlight above everything else.

Shi Jia Yi was brought down, and Noh Alam Shah asked for an early freekick and was given one. It was quite a flurry, and i was thinking, "Kiwak, lincah!"

and the next thing i saw, Agu Casmir nicely tapped in the ball, and the Myanmar keeper was running towards the referee and then pushed him.

woohoo. it was like, so interesting to watch a dispute in a soccer match.

and then i deduced the same to the commentators.

when Shi Jia Yi was brought down, the Myanmar players were too busy trying to complain to the ref that the free kick wasn't valid that they weren't alert that the free kick was being taken. thus, the goal came in, smoothly and nicely.

and now, i can't wait to watch the Singapore vs Indonesia match tmr night.
woohoo. definitely gonna be interesting.

okok. enough about soccer now.
hehehh.

been watching tv all day.
and still gonna watch summore. ahakz.
later.

i am usually not a sucker for sweetness.
but recently, i have been.
tsktsk.

keppel bay

nothing beats like a shahaha hug.
it definitely came at the perfect timing.

Keppel Bay was awesome.
the kinda sight where you rarely see in Singapore.
definitely the kinda place where it's a rich man's play.
yatches and marinas.
high end restaurants.
but the view was a beauty.
of course, except the thunder and lightning.

too bad, we didnt snap any pics.

but, all was fun. =)
had a great time.

oh anyways,
found some edited pics on ain's and jay's blogs.
wooohoo. grab uh abeh.




ok now,
it's 2.14 am.
i should be a good girl and turn in now.

good am good people.

and again.

feel like replying tags first.

weiling: thaaaankyou! and i miss you like oh sooo much!

farah: thanks beb! *hugs*

jumali: thanks and shut up! ahaha

atie: dah lama per dier botak. and he's so getting on my nerves ever since dier botak. the sudden hyperactivity is beyond control.

.diana.vanderh: yeah, it definitely made me treasure life and people even more.

ain: hey.. ahakz.. thanks babe. well, not doing too good currently but i'll live. :)

today hadn't been a good day.
i was so lost at work.
daydreamed a lot.
tried to distract myself.
but it was difficult coz i'm always reminded
that He was there at my workplace.

and it didnt help that His dad and sister came.

it really made me think about him more.
i managed to talk to His dad and sister.
and what the dad said really made me sad.

chill dian.
like Joc said,
"i'm sure he didnt want his friends to be sad"

but i can't help it sey.
i'm always reminded of him.
somehow, somewhere.

and because of my carelessness and daydreaming,
i had an excess of $234.25.
haiz, dunno lar eh.

ok shoots.
i should.. try to move on.

really i should.
i have never seen myself this sad, this weak before.
everything seems to affect me.
like, i can't be left alone coz then,
well.. i'll think a lot.

:(

what i need,
is a heeeeeuge looooong warm hugg.
haiz.

the birthday

this year's birthday was okay i guess,
maybe because i wasn't really in the mood to celebrate.
but had to coz it wasn't only my birthday,
but it was the parent's anniversary as well.

so then, there were only me, aken and parents.
we went to eat at Changi Airport Canteen.
not bad lah, but i wasn't really in the mood for eating.

den jalan2 around the airport.







then, we went to AMK Hub to watch Madagascar 2.
it was freaking funny laaah.
then after that, went home.

yeah so, that's how i spent my birthday.

and,

thanks to everyone who wished me on my birthday.
really appreciate it.
to those, who called me tua,
hahaha.. boooo. at least, i'm almost full legal!
hehhh. =)

boy oh boy.
when are we going to meet?

loss of a very good friend

i still can't accept the fact that Arwah Malik has left us all.
it seems just yesterday, that all of us were in secondary school.



i still can remember vividly..
the way he smile..
the way he walks..
the way he talks..
the way he laughs..
the way he writes his name with his left hand..
the way he says "halo!"..

and i still miss looking at his brown eyes.

i was trying to be strong.
but when i saw his face for the last time..
i broke down.
i can never forget the sight.
it was so sad.

i can't believe that he's gone, forever.
i still couldn't accept the fact that,
the face i saw was his.
and Abdul Malik Bin Ahmad didn't pass away,
so soon.

after the funeral,
me, hannah, lydia, afro, faiz, nash, azmi and hafiz osman
went to eat at Teh Tarik.
den hannah, azmi, hafiz left.
only left me lydia afro, faiz and nash.

and we were recalling all the times we had in sec school.
especially with Arwah.
its been great.
and, i have never regretted him being part of my growing up life.



then, we had 2.
the twin towers



and now there's only 1.

:(
i miss you Malik.
Goodbye friend.
Goodbye brother.
Goodbye my favourite keeper.



Goodbye Abdul Malik Bin Ahmad.

Al-Fateha..

Al-Fateha to Abdul Malik

Marilah kita sama2 sedekahkan surah Al-Fateha
Kepada Abdul Malik Bin Ahmad,
Yang telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pada pagi 30 November 2008.

He was a friend when we were in secondary school.
After graduation, we met up once or twice to lepak at the void deck,
since we're staying at the blocks beside each other.
and then, we just didnt contact anymore,
but the friendship still remains.

And it has been a long time since we met,
it was only a week ago he came to Income to renew his Motor Insurance and RoadTax.
i didnt have the chance to talk to him coz i was busy.

and then, i bumped into him on my way back home a few days after.
and we talked for less than 5 mins, and he was off.

now, he's gone.

the saddest part was, he just celebrated his 20th Birthday on the 26th Nov.
only 4 days away. :(

Semoga Tuhan Mencucuri RahmatNya ke atas Roh-Mu, Malik.
You'll be missed.

survey.

Apparently, Anak Cik Sari has tagged Anak Cik Rusli
:)

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.


RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continuing this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
* hmm, yeah, i do keep secrets. not a lot though. haha.

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl older than you?
* obviously i have. actually all the ex-bfs are older.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
* i don't usually wait, but if he's worth the wait, let's just give it a few months.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
* shopshopshop! and save the money for my wedding since weddings are expensive now.
HAHAHA. tkde bf nak kahwen aper..

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
* nope. it's gonna be totally weird. it's usually the other way round, a person i used to love will usually end up being a close friend. =)
kan payung? HAHA.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
* definitely being loved. it's undescribable.

7.How do you define love?
* i don't know. it's been a long time since i last felt what love is like.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
* i would just forget him. instantly.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
* today, abg arman msged! yeah, even though it was 7am.
still, last night made me happier. :)

10. What makes you sad?
* not getting to spend time with friends as much as i want to.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
* GOSH. 30 year old? can i not think about it?

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
* family, cousins, relatives, endangs, sentosa peeps, and close friends.

13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?
* freedom. i really value the freedom i have, it's something i worked hard for

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
* SINGLE AND RICH.

15. What is your favourite colour?
* no particular favourite.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?
* i don't know. i really don't. :(

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
* yeah, i ALWAYS forgive and forget.

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
* i like you? hahhaha. i swear i don't know.

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?
* friends. coz it's never, the right one, or the one when it comes to friends.

20. Do you believe that there's "True Love"?
* can i like, block off the word love?



5 ppl who's goin to do this survey.

a) .diana.vanderh
b) jumali (hehehhh)
c) ain
d) aky
e) shahaha

oh, just wanna share this song.

i think it's pretty sad.
teared me up each time i listen.

lyrics:

Tak pernah terpikir olehku
Tak sedikitpun kubayangkan
Kau akan pergi tinggalkan
Ku sendiri

Begitu sulit kubayangkan
Begitu sakit kurasakan
Kau akan pergi
Tinggalkan ku sendiri

Di bawah batu nisan kini
Kau tlah sandarkan
Kasih sayang kamu
Begitu dalam
Sungguh ku tak sanggup
Ini terjadi karna ku sangat cinta
Inilah saat terakhirku melihat kamu
Jatuh air mataku menangis pilu

Hanya mampu ucapkan
“Slamat jalan kasih”

Satu jam saja ku telah bisa
Cintai kamu, kamu, kamu dihatiku
Namun bagiku melupakanmu
Butuh waktuku seumur hidup

Satu jam saja ku telah bisa sayangi kamu
Dihatiku namu bagimu melupakanmu
Butuh waktuku seumur hidup

Dihatiku..
Inilah saat terakhirku melihat kamu
Jatuh air mataku menangis pilu
Hanya mampu ucapkan
“Slamat jalan kasih”

Satu jam saja ku telah bisa
Cintai kamu, kamu, kamu dihatiku
Namun bagiku melupakanmu
Butuh waktuku seumur hidup
Satu jam saja ku telah bisa sayangi kamu
Dihatiku namu bagimu melupakanmu
Butuh waktuku seumur hidup

definitely a fetish for indonesian bands. =)

addictive hugs are really good for health.
nyahaha.

happenings.

been really busy and tired to actually update this space.
work had been super busy and tiring.

so last week was Kak Yun's wedding.
it was grand larh.
themed purple and white.

on saturday, went there straight after work.
its been sucha long time since the relatives came together in full force.
and of course, the laughters and squealing =)

went to another relatives' wedding with mummy, umi, ayah din, and ibuk.
khekhe. thats the best part abt Tanjong Corporation (the name that us relatives call ourselves).
i have umi, mummy, mak, mama and of course, my own ibuk.
oh so, then at night, we went to Abg Farid's (kak Yun's husband) at Tamp.
and saw Ikhwan, my sentosa mate.
he's Abg Farid's relative. hahaha.

left at 12 plus from Kak Yun's
next day reached there at 9.30am.
and the whole thing started at 11.
it was great. the food was extremely nice.

i really like the cake.






took pics there.
shld have taken more with cousins.
this was when Abg Farid's side came to ours.
it's a norm really.






and then the rest.





reached home 8 plus and by 9.15 i was already asleep.
couldn't take it. haha.

at night, Kak Yun cut the cake.
and it was freaking sweet and totally gave me sugar rush lar.
the smallest cake was oreo layered kek lapis.
the medium sized one was orange layered kek lapis.
the biggest one was CADBURY CHOCOLATE layered kek lapis.
kaywak. sedap ok.



and, on saturday, zoul called me up and told me abt this vid.
dunno whether to feel honoured or insulted about it.
kiwaks.

who do they think they are to use Endang nye lagu khatulistiwa?
and who do they think they are, to use Ulan's intro and change the lyrics?
and who, do they think they are, to use Chingx3's tepok sepuluh?

crap man.
it's an utter disgrace to the dikir community!
an insult!

urgh geram siak.

so anyways,
the man msged me this evening.
and he just came back from KL.
no wonder i couldn't get thru to him.
it's been almost 3 mths since we last met.
haiiya

tonight was fun. =)
i seriously enjoyed myself.
havent met someone new in a long while.
i guess, you're alrite. =)