Monday, July 23, 2007

drop.

I veil the salt on my face with a tinge of a giggle,
and maybe the occasional laugh.
I don't pretend to be happy all the time.
But right now tucked away in my own space,
I'll really let the emotions run.
Oh how I love the rush of emotions that come over me.
I run my fingers over my wet cheek and
listen to paramore. one more time.
letter of the words in the lyrics bold in my head
'miracle', 'feel', 'innocent'.
my skin, my emotions...
it's so easy to get me down.
I surround myself with the focus of negativity placed in my life.
Maybe putting in effort to realize that there's more.
Instead of momentarily enjoying it.
And maybe I'll form some sense of commitment.
And stop running away from all the real things in my life.
Take a chance. Believe in you.
In all of you.
Blinking. I won't give up.
It's too easy now. because I'm so used to it.
Come on dafie.
Do something daring.
Hang on. and
stop letting go of the thing you keep searching, keep fighting, trying to hold on to.
Love.

Spread the Love. 4:31 AM
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Hi.

It's 5:30 in the morning, and I distinctively hear the pitter-patter of rain against my window, even though the rain stopped hours ago. The faint buzzing of the lamp in the living room just outside my own whines at me, getting seemingly louder by the hour, reminding me of how late it's getting. I look up to my oversized clock to realize it's only too early. Too early in the morning.

Brush my eye lashes with my clumsy fingers, trying not to rub my eyes. They close, and for a split second I'm convinced they won't open again. I'm drawn away from the comforting darkness behind my eyelitds as my cold-lit table and room come back into view.

So many thoughts are gathered in my head right now I don't even know where to start. I can hear my heart crying out to be listened to, but there are no words, no description of what it wants, needs, what it yearns. I try to improvise and think maybe it craves what the world tells me it should. But like a child lacking the knowledge of language, all I can understand is that it's not yet satisfied.

I walk in a circle.

What, what can I possibly do to stop this?

I suppose it'll never stop.

The day I'm completely satisfied, now what fun would that be. Right?

Again, I suppose we've all got our problems to deal with. We've all got our fond memories to cling on to.

So I search for the pictures in my memories that make me smile.
You're all there. I promise.
One more time i try to distance myself from the light.
Perhaps this time it'll work.
Perhaps this time.

Spread the Love. 5:25 AM
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Monday, July 02, 2007

What I've been up to.

For those of you who wonder what I do everyday,
and to those of you who really don't care but read this blog for the sake of doing something,
here it is.
This morning I planned to wake up at 9am...
wait, i'll start from last night. It'll give you more to read.
Last night on the way home from family dinner, I planned to wake up today at 8am.
This is so I can be on time for recording at 10am.
Due to, fact- I've not been getting enough sleep, and fact- I almost lost my voice
at christina aguilera's concert (i.e the best concert ever),
I decided to treat myself to at least 6 hours of sleep.
Calculate: 8-6 = 2am.
Target- To sleep at 2am.
It hits midnight and I realize I still haven't my part of the report for a presentation of which materials are due today.
I've still got two hours to clear this up so I'm far from worried.
After a bit of chatting to people online and finally deciding on when to watch transformers with Howard
I look at my oversized clock and it's 1:45.
Good grief.
I'm toggling between wikipedia (for reference), doing my report (don't get me wrong, I have a crumby amout to do and I'm far from complaning. I'm just displaying how high my level of procrastination is) (That said, I'm very grateful for good group mates. Most of the time anyway)
I add a sticky note on my new sexy macBook.
It hits 2:15am and I finish my report and send it to the girl compiling the whole project.

Note to self: I should go to bed now.

What I actually do: Decide between playing on my Nintendo DS lite or check out Shockwave.com to see if any new games have been put up.

I go with shockwave.

2:30am.....3am....

I express the idea of going to bed with a friend on-line. No response.
That, I assume, is my que to get my ass into bed.
It's more comfortable there anyway.

So I crawl into bed (literally) and say a quick prayer before I close my eyes.

I dream of yet another adventure. Of gangsters and fights and love and fantasy,
soon it's time to wake up and my mind is exhausted.

I get an sms from my producer and I get to sleep for another two hours
(Dang, I should've kept playing my juvenile game)

10am and I get out of bed. Brush my teeth and all that jazz.
I eat breakfast, read a little Bible and trodd back upstairs.
I have to keep reminding myself what to do cuz my brain isn't functioning yet.
Mind: -Take film out of your camera and place camera back in the dry box.
-Find time to practice your guitar
Me: I'm standing in front of my mirror randomly dancing pretending to know what I'm doing
(oh if i haven't mentioned I've already turned on my laptop while brushing my teeth, so no I'm not dancing in silence)
Mind: Have lunch
Me: Taking my film out of my camera...

Sometimes I think I might be two people.
Maybe we all are.

I had this really deep thought thing the other day. Shucks I've completely forgotten what it was.

I stone in front of my laptop. I need to write an e-mail to nick.

I try to run GIMP again and this time it kinda works (yipiee-doo-da-day!)
After messing around a bit with some graphics I'm late for school
(I've had time to run down and get lunch)
I grab a packet of ginger cookies and soy-beans and head for the car.

School tends to go by too slowly and yet I feel all I've missed when class is over is watching how the hue of light has changed outside. I don't dislike school. I'm indifferent to it.
I'm writing this in class now.
I'm in my second class schedulled for today.
I think i might develop my film later.
I love photograhy.
probably as much as I love singing.
And I'm starting to love dancing more than the two.

I just read howard's blog.
that's the second time i've mentioned him in this entry.
Maybe it's got something to do with him buying the tickets.
I really should get more sleep. Everythings getting a little blurry.

I feel like writing a book.
Mind: Write a book.

Me: Class is over!

Spread the Love. 3:42 PM
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