...That's the question I've been getting a lot lately, and thought it might be helpful to quickly give a run-down of what Nate and I are actually doing when we say we're "going into full-time ministry."
1. No, we're not moving to Africa (at least not right now).
Worldwide Discipleship Association (WDA) is a states-based ministry that partners with churches all over the world (I think the tally is currently 60 countries or somewhere around there). WDA staff travel to these countries periodically and teach, train, and mentor local pastors and church leaders. That's what Nate is doing in Zambia right now. WDA's goal is to disciple these pastors and equip them to disciple their congregations.
2. Are you guys living on support, or is Nate working a job, or what exactly are you doing right now?
Yes and yes. This year, our main ministry focus is on building up our support team. This means we'll be spending a lot of time traveling and hanging out with people who we love and who we want on board with us. However, it takes quite awhile to build up enough support to actually live on. So, while we are in the process of raising this support to a sustainable level, Nate will be working a job to pay our bills. He will "report" to full-time staff duty once our support is at a level we can live on. In the meantime, however, we plan to be engaging in a lot of training with WDA and other things to orient us to the ministry. To be clear, we DO need monthly support starting immediately. I am still a fulltime student (as I will talk more about below), and whatever job Nate gets will likely be barely enough to meet our needs. And, the sooner we have enough monthly support to live on, the sooner Nate can devote all of his time to this ministry that God has called us to.
3. How does Debra fit into all of this?
Right now, only Nate has joined WDA's staff. This year, starting in August, I will be doing a 30-hour-a-week internship at Moody Bible College's counseling center to complete my master's degree in Mental Health Counseling. I graduate next May (YAY!!!). AFTER I graduate, I plan to apply for staff with WDA on either a part- or full-time basis. I want to work with their Restorative Ministries, and dream of doing a combination of counseling, Restore Your Heart groups, and writing/editing for Restorative Ministries' written materials.
4. So, where are you living and are you moving at some point?
For the next year we will be living in Chicago while I finish my degree. After that year is up, we will likely be moving to Atlanta, where WDA is based. The staff training process is three years long, and so we will likely be in Georgia for at least that long. After that, who knows?!?
5. So, what exactly is WDA?
In a nutshell, WDA is all about discipleship. They exist to serve the church in its disciple-building efforts. For more details, it's probably best just to check out their great website.
...Those are answers to the questions I have been getting most often. I hope this helps to clarify the general picture. Please don't hesitate to comment on my blog or shoot an email to Nate or me if you are confused about our ministry or have any questions at all! We would love to hear from you!
We are so excited about WDA and the way it marries Nate's passion for international ministry to my passion for emotional wholeness, all under the greater umbrella of discipleship - which is really at the core of both mine and Nate's passions. This ministry feels like a gift that is perfectly fitted to our hearts and our abilities. God's plans are perfect!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
ridiculous provision
"We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary; we won't be satisfied at all..."
So went the chorus of a song we sang at church this past Sunday. While I have mixed theological feelings about this (I mean, I think that more often than not God does move through the ordinary and we should be looking and listening for Him everywhere), it struck a chord for me in one particular context: God's provision. I'm not sure if it was just me, just something I'm asking for or hoping for, or if it was actually God nudging me in this direction, but my immediate thought when I sang those words had to do with the provision I expect from God. I want to expect ridiculous provision, provision that makes no sense and baffles the people around me. I'm talking about things like free cars, free housing, and some benevolent donor writing a check for our 50 grand of student debt. I felt impressed to ask God for that kind of provision. In the past, a couple of things have held me back from asking for provision like that. Maybe you can relate to some of these.
1. I feel embarassed to ask for provision that big, that extravagant. I feel like I don't have the right to ask; I mean, who am I to get provision like that? What makes me better than all the other people strapped down with student debt? Plus, I'm not the greatest steward with the money I do have; how could I justify asking for more?
...What I've come to realize in response to #1 is that, I'm right, I don't deserve it. At all. But my even raising this objection reveals my misguided attitude about God's gifts: NONE of them are based on my deserving them, and none of them are based on me being better/more worthy than anyone else. ALL of His gifts are the result of His grace (definition of grace: something good given that is undeserved), his character (being Good), and are given for the purpose of His glory. This last point leads to the second reason I've had trouble asking for provision like this.
2. I would feel embarrassed and/or guilty to receive provision like that. Won't I make other people angry or jealous? And again, why should I receive that and not someone else?
...Yet again, here's me thinking that it's about me. Some part of me still believes that blessings like that come because of my ability to earn it somehow. Some part of me is arrogant and does think that I'm better than other people in some way. And if I get blessed in a big way, other people are going to recognize my super-spiritual status, and then I'll be embarrassed. My big ugly pride gets disguised with guilt. But fortunately the truth is that one reason God gives us gifts, such as crazy provision, is to bring HIMSELF glory - so that other people will see what He did, and will follow Him. It actually has not-that-much to do with us, except for how it increases our intimacy with Him. And it definitely has nothing to do with us being more worthy than others (see #1). This leads me to my third reason for not asking for this kind of provision:
3. Why bother asking for provision like that? It never happens. God could, but He won't.
This connects to what I was just saying in this way: God is interested in nothing more than His glory. Which means that He can, and will, work in this world in ways that display that glory. Why not ask Him to do that through my life? Why not expect that He might? I know that He may not choose to work in that way, but he could, and there is no shame in asking for it - in fact, I think He likes it when we believe in His bigness enough to ask for things like that. Why do I always expect Him to be so stingy? I mean, imagine if you were a parent - how would you feel if your child always expected you to be stingy with them? Imagine a little child making their Christmas list, and what they really want is a G.I. Joe Hot Wheels, but they figure their parents are too stingy or can't afford it, and so they just ask for a dinky G.I. Joe action figure instead. That's not only sad, but also pretty unrealistic. Kids don't hold back in asking for what they want; why should we? God loves to give good gifts to His kids.
....So, I am choosing to shamelessly, obnoxiously ask for God's extravagant provision in my life. I'm not talking about the health-wealth gospel here. I'm actually not talking about wealth at all. What I am talking about is simply making it my beginning assumption that God will take care of everything, finances and otherwise, and praying to Him accordingly. When I have a legitimate need (such as money to pay off student loans), I want to come to Him first and continually, asking Him to miraculously provide for them completely, and quickly. I continue to work and pay my monthly payment as I do this, but all the time I look for a ridiculously extravagant provision right around the corner. And if it comes, praise God! May others see it and give Him glory, and trust Him for their needs too. If it doesn't, and I keep paying my payments for 25 years, praise God! He is so good to have provided the money I needed each month to keep paying them off. If God gives me free housing, praise God! I hope other people will have the guts to pray for that too because they've seen that it's possible. And if I have to pay rent every month, praise God! It is a blessing to have housing and to be able to pay for it.
...I guess what I'm really saying is that I'll continue trusting Him for provision as I have been, but I want to add to that daily trust the COURAGE to pray for the big - I mean ridiculously crazy big - blessings too. Not so that I can be wealthy or enjoy some life of luxury (because let's be honest, that's never going to happen when you're heading toward support-raised ministry), but so that I can experience His power and so that others can learn to trust Him through what they see Him doing in my life.
...What this also means is that, more than trusting Him as a "yes, of course I trust God for my needs," I want to be radically, nonsensically dependent on Him to provide for every need. I want to be willing to have no job, no income at all if that's what He calls us to, trusting for Him to give us what we need. I want to learn what it feels like to seek HIs kingdom first and His righteousness, and find all our other needs given to us. I actually think it would be exhilarating to have no idea where our monthly needs were going to come from. Every single month, every single day, you have an opportunity to trust the Lord and to see Him work. To live on the knife's edge of dependence on God, and to take on the challenge of not becoming bitter or chronically anxious as a result. (This is, of course, assuming that you're in this position because you're seeking His kingdom in some meaningful way, not because you're sitting on the couch watching The Biggest Loser like I do when I'm home all day with Annabel.) I'm not looking for an excuse to be lazy...I just want to experience the joy of seeing God provide, again and again, and of cultivating an extremely practical and no-nonsense trust in Him.
I want to offer my life as a platform for Him to show off His awesome provision abilities, and for my pride and other various issues not to get in the way of that. In 20 years, I want others to look at mine and Nate's lives and say, "Wow. Trusting God really works." I want my kids to know that trusting God is a practical, tangible, workable thing that they can actually build their lives upon.
...I've told Him I'm up for it, and so here's my current RIDICULOUS PROVISION wishlist:
1. Someone offering to pay off our student loans in full
2. Free/crazy cheap rent for next year (plus a sunny place would be amazing)
3. Some financially workable way for Nate to be in a full-time ministry that he is passionate about and gifted for
What's your list? Do share...
So went the chorus of a song we sang at church this past Sunday. While I have mixed theological feelings about this (I mean, I think that more often than not God does move through the ordinary and we should be looking and listening for Him everywhere), it struck a chord for me in one particular context: God's provision. I'm not sure if it was just me, just something I'm asking for or hoping for, or if it was actually God nudging me in this direction, but my immediate thought when I sang those words had to do with the provision I expect from God. I want to expect ridiculous provision, provision that makes no sense and baffles the people around me. I'm talking about things like free cars, free housing, and some benevolent donor writing a check for our 50 grand of student debt. I felt impressed to ask God for that kind of provision. In the past, a couple of things have held me back from asking for provision like that. Maybe you can relate to some of these.
1. I feel embarassed to ask for provision that big, that extravagant. I feel like I don't have the right to ask; I mean, who am I to get provision like that? What makes me better than all the other people strapped down with student debt? Plus, I'm not the greatest steward with the money I do have; how could I justify asking for more?
...What I've come to realize in response to #1 is that, I'm right, I don't deserve it. At all. But my even raising this objection reveals my misguided attitude about God's gifts: NONE of them are based on my deserving them, and none of them are based on me being better/more worthy than anyone else. ALL of His gifts are the result of His grace (definition of grace: something good given that is undeserved), his character (being Good), and are given for the purpose of His glory. This last point leads to the second reason I've had trouble asking for provision like this.
2. I would feel embarrassed and/or guilty to receive provision like that. Won't I make other people angry or jealous? And again, why should I receive that and not someone else?
...Yet again, here's me thinking that it's about me. Some part of me still believes that blessings like that come because of my ability to earn it somehow. Some part of me is arrogant and does think that I'm better than other people in some way. And if I get blessed in a big way, other people are going to recognize my super-spiritual status, and then I'll be embarrassed. My big ugly pride gets disguised with guilt. But fortunately the truth is that one reason God gives us gifts, such as crazy provision, is to bring HIMSELF glory - so that other people will see what He did, and will follow Him. It actually has not-that-much to do with us, except for how it increases our intimacy with Him. And it definitely has nothing to do with us being more worthy than others (see #1). This leads me to my third reason for not asking for this kind of provision:
3. Why bother asking for provision like that? It never happens. God could, but He won't.
This connects to what I was just saying in this way: God is interested in nothing more than His glory. Which means that He can, and will, work in this world in ways that display that glory. Why not ask Him to do that through my life? Why not expect that He might? I know that He may not choose to work in that way, but he could, and there is no shame in asking for it - in fact, I think He likes it when we believe in His bigness enough to ask for things like that. Why do I always expect Him to be so stingy? I mean, imagine if you were a parent - how would you feel if your child always expected you to be stingy with them? Imagine a little child making their Christmas list, and what they really want is a G.I. Joe Hot Wheels, but they figure their parents are too stingy or can't afford it, and so they just ask for a dinky G.I. Joe action figure instead. That's not only sad, but also pretty unrealistic. Kids don't hold back in asking for what they want; why should we? God loves to give good gifts to His kids.
....So, I am choosing to shamelessly, obnoxiously ask for God's extravagant provision in my life. I'm not talking about the health-wealth gospel here. I'm actually not talking about wealth at all. What I am talking about is simply making it my beginning assumption that God will take care of everything, finances and otherwise, and praying to Him accordingly. When I have a legitimate need (such as money to pay off student loans), I want to come to Him first and continually, asking Him to miraculously provide for them completely, and quickly. I continue to work and pay my monthly payment as I do this, but all the time I look for a ridiculously extravagant provision right around the corner. And if it comes, praise God! May others see it and give Him glory, and trust Him for their needs too. If it doesn't, and I keep paying my payments for 25 years, praise God! He is so good to have provided the money I needed each month to keep paying them off. If God gives me free housing, praise God! I hope other people will have the guts to pray for that too because they've seen that it's possible. And if I have to pay rent every month, praise God! It is a blessing to have housing and to be able to pay for it.
...I guess what I'm really saying is that I'll continue trusting Him for provision as I have been, but I want to add to that daily trust the COURAGE to pray for the big - I mean ridiculously crazy big - blessings too. Not so that I can be wealthy or enjoy some life of luxury (because let's be honest, that's never going to happen when you're heading toward support-raised ministry), but so that I can experience His power and so that others can learn to trust Him through what they see Him doing in my life.
...What this also means is that, more than trusting Him as a "yes, of course I trust God for my needs," I want to be radically, nonsensically dependent on Him to provide for every need. I want to be willing to have no job, no income at all if that's what He calls us to, trusting for Him to give us what we need. I want to learn what it feels like to seek HIs kingdom first and His righteousness, and find all our other needs given to us. I actually think it would be exhilarating to have no idea where our monthly needs were going to come from. Every single month, every single day, you have an opportunity to trust the Lord and to see Him work. To live on the knife's edge of dependence on God, and to take on the challenge of not becoming bitter or chronically anxious as a result. (This is, of course, assuming that you're in this position because you're seeking His kingdom in some meaningful way, not because you're sitting on the couch watching The Biggest Loser like I do when I'm home all day with Annabel.) I'm not looking for an excuse to be lazy...I just want to experience the joy of seeing God provide, again and again, and of cultivating an extremely practical and no-nonsense trust in Him.
I want to offer my life as a platform for Him to show off His awesome provision abilities, and for my pride and other various issues not to get in the way of that. In 20 years, I want others to look at mine and Nate's lives and say, "Wow. Trusting God really works." I want my kids to know that trusting God is a practical, tangible, workable thing that they can actually build their lives upon.
...I've told Him I'm up for it, and so here's my current RIDICULOUS PROVISION wishlist:
1. Someone offering to pay off our student loans in full
2. Free/crazy cheap rent for next year (plus a sunny place would be amazing)
3. Some financially workable way for Nate to be in a full-time ministry that he is passionate about and gifted for
What's your list? Do share...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
NO!
This morning Nate and I went into Annabel's room to wake her up. Now we are sane, and normally would never wake her up before she gets up on her own. But on Wednesdays, we both have to scurry off to class and work and have to get her to the babysitter along the way. Normally when we wake her up, she has this adorable way of silently and immediately standing right up, ready to start her day. But this morning, we tiptoed in (because we love seeing her impossibly cute sleeping self before we wake her up) and found her sprawled on her tummy - her normal sleeping position. Nate gently said, "Good morning, Annabel," and I put my hand on her back. After a longer-than-usual moment, she stirred and sighed and looked up slightly, then loudly said, "NO!" -- and proceeded to continue laying perfectly still, with her eyes closed. I continued rubbing her back, but nope, she wasn't moving! I hope I'm capturing how hilarious this was. My very own grumpy, not-waking-up daughter, following right in her Mommy's footsteps. I don't blame her one bit.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Celebrity Lookalike - Option #2
So, who's it going to be: Cameron or Reese? What do you all think out there? (try to get past the obvious hairdo similarity between me and Reese.)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Celebrity Lookalike?
So, what do people think: is this my celebrity lookalike?
***EDIT*** Annabel just pointed at these pictures and said "Mommy!!" I think that clinches it....Cameron Diaz is my celebrity lookalike!
***EDIT*** Annabel just pointed at these pictures and said "Mommy!!" I think that clinches it....Cameron Diaz is my celebrity lookalike!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
DUMPSTER DIVING
Jehovah Jireh - the Lord provides. That's what goes through my mind every time Nate goes dumpster diving and brings home a score like he did tonight. I should have taken a Before picture. It would have shown a half-empty jar of apple sauce, some leftover pizza, a quart of milk, and some moldy cheese. Oh, and the Sam Adams. In any event, this is the After shot:
Behold the beautiful bounty! Now we just have to figure out what to do with our half a dozen bags of on-the-edge salad greens and six dozen or so eggs. (The bell peppers, parmesan cheese, five pounds of apples, and three cartons of blueberries will be easy to utilize. Yum!)
Behold the beautiful bounty! Now we just have to figure out what to do with our half a dozen bags of on-the-edge salad greens and six dozen or so eggs. (The bell peppers, parmesan cheese, five pounds of apples, and three cartons of blueberries will be easy to utilize. Yum!)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Girls Can Smoke Pipes Too (or, I Heart Sherlock)
Lately I have been immersing myself in Sherlock Holmes stories. I can't help myself. I am so fascinated by the way that he thinks, and like to humor myself that I have similar abilities of keen observation. (Of course, this doesn't mean that I actually do; I just fancy that I do.) I do often notice and remember small things about people, their clothes, their mannerisms, or their comments that other people don't pay attention to, mostly because I am so intrigued by people and what makes them tick. I remember learning in my career counseling class that investigative personality types are often found in the counseling profession. It makes sense - I'm always looking for the why's behind the way people are.
My parents are science nerds and it used to drive me nuts how they would always want to know how everything worked or got to be the way it was. For my mom, every rock formation had a history and for my dad, every new gadget had some simple mechanical explanation. In spite of myself, I realize that I've become the same way with people. Every person is the way they are for very specific and straightforward reasons. Well, relatively straightforward. "Elementary, my dear Watson." (Actually, I don't think he's said that phrase once yet in any of the stories I've read.) Anyway, I love Sherlock Holmes.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
schoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
it just goes on and on.....
At what point does being in the classroom actually start to undermine your learning? This is my sixth full-time semester of grad school spread out over the past four years, and I honestly feel like I am losing my learning at this point. I need to get out of the classroom and into "real life." The issues we're talking about in Ethics and Multicultural Counseling are so important, and it's for that very reason that I wish I wasn't hearing about them in class. I wish I was coming up against them with clients and having to process those issues with my professors and supervisors. Because the fact that we're talking ourselves in circles in class actually makes me sick of talking and thinking about these issues, and makes me even less likely to want to think about them when they actually do become relevant in the future. GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
schooooooooooooooooooool
The title of this post is meant to visually describe how I feel about school right now. N E V E R E N D I N G . I am ready to be done with grad school. I am ready to spend my emotional energy and initiative (which is pretty limited to begin with) on things that feel more relevant to my life. School used to feel relevant, but at this point I feel like I've learned all I can in the classroom about counseling and am ready to just do it and start learning by trial and error. I'm ready to spend free time on sewing and collaging and being involved in my church community. I'm ready to rip up my last list of school deadlines and spend that energy keeping track of Annabel's latest words and developmental milestones. I'm ready to never tell Nate again that I can't hang out with him because I have to write a paper. I'm ready to use those precious offers of babysitting and rare opportunities to be alone for something other than homework.
...I know that God will give me what it takes to finish, but I really want to finish strong. At this point I'm feeling dubious about the likelihood of pulling that off. SIGH.
...I know that God will give me what it takes to finish, but I really want to finish strong. At this point I'm feeling dubious about the likelihood of pulling that off. SIGH.
Monday, February 1, 2010
QUAGMIRE
Thanks to the blessed fact that toddlers need naps, I was talking to God just now about an area of my life that has felt like one endlessly deep and life-sucking quagmire. For a long time I had tried to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist, and just keep walking on with my life. But after a few years, when He finally compelled me to look around my feet again, I realized that I had made no progress at all, and in fact, my body had only sunk deeper into the whole mess because of my insistence on moving my legs around all the time. So finally, this past summer, I held my breath and took the first courageous step of acknowledging that I was, indeed, in a quagmire. "The only way out is through" became my mantra. So, I've been working with God these past 6 months or so in the slow and sticky process of getting out of this quagmire. This has involved a lot of just sitting there, allowing myself to experience the whole range and depth of sensations that a quagmire has to offer, and only moving when and how He tells me to. I've made some definite progress, and can tell that I'm not as deep as I used to be, but still, it is no fun being in a mudpit. This morning I was feeling acutely that old, frustrating stuck-ness, and so I decided to do a Biblegateway-search for verses involving mud, mire, muck, and mess (since unfortunately "quagmire" isn't anywhere in the Bible). Here's some of the highlights:
Job 30:16
"And now my life drains out, as suffering seizes and grips me hard. Night gnaws at my bones; the pain never lets up. I am tied hand and foot, my neck in a noose. I twist and turn. Thrown facedown in the muck, I'm a muddy mess, inside and out.
Psalm 69:14
Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper! Save me from those who hate me,and pull me from these deep waters.
Proverbs 17:15
Whitewashing bad people and throwing mud on good people are equally abhorrent to God.
Job 30:19
He throws me into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
Psalm 30:1
[ A David Psalm ] I give you all the credit, God— you got me out of that mess, you didn't let my foes gloat.
Lamentations 3:16
He ground my face into the gravel. He pounded me into the mud. I gave up on life altogether. I've forgotten what the good life is like. I said to myself, "This is it. I'm finished. God is a lost cause."
Psalm 71:1
I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it. Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet. Put your ear to the ground and listen, give me space for salvation. Be a guest room where I can retreat; you said your door was always open! You're my salvation—my vast, granite fortress.
Isaiah 57:20
But the wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, whose waves cast up mire and mud.
John 9:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. 7 He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!
Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:16
But all who are hunting for you— oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting. And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you've got what it takes— but God, don't put it off.
...Despair, deliverance, sin, desperation, healing - welcome to the world of mud and muck in the Bible. All in all, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in finding the quagmire analogy to be really appropriate. It also makes me feel justified in my hope that God can and will get me out of this mess, in His own timing, in His own way. In fact, if He wants, He can even use some of this mud to heal me. That's what I'm hoping for, and in the meantime, I'll continue sitting in my quagmire until God decides I'm ready to be done with it. I really hope it's soon.
Job 30:16
"And now my life drains out, as suffering seizes and grips me hard. Night gnaws at my bones; the pain never lets up. I am tied hand and foot, my neck in a noose. I twist and turn. Thrown facedown in the muck, I'm a muddy mess, inside and out.
Psalm 69:14
Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper! Save me from those who hate me,and pull me from these deep waters.
Proverbs 17:15
Whitewashing bad people and throwing mud on good people are equally abhorrent to God.
Job 30:19
He throws me into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
Psalm 30:1
[ A David Psalm ] I give you all the credit, God— you got me out of that mess, you didn't let my foes gloat.
Lamentations 3:16
He ground my face into the gravel. He pounded me into the mud. I gave up on life altogether. I've forgotten what the good life is like. I said to myself, "This is it. I'm finished. God is a lost cause."
Psalm 71:1
I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it. Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet. Put your ear to the ground and listen, give me space for salvation. Be a guest room where I can retreat; you said your door was always open! You're my salvation—my vast, granite fortress.
Isaiah 57:20
But the wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, whose waves cast up mire and mud.
John 9:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Then he spit on the ground, made mud with the saliva, and spread the mud over the blind man’s eyes. 7 He told him, “Go wash yourself in the pool of Siloam” (Siloam means “sent”). So the man went and washed and came back seeing!
Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:16
But all who are hunting for you— oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting. And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you've got what it takes— but God, don't put it off.
...Despair, deliverance, sin, desperation, healing - welcome to the world of mud and muck in the Bible. All in all, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in finding the quagmire analogy to be really appropriate. It also makes me feel justified in my hope that God can and will get me out of this mess, in His own timing, in His own way. In fact, if He wants, He can even use some of this mud to heal me. That's what I'm hoping for, and in the meantime, I'll continue sitting in my quagmire until God decides I'm ready to be done with it. I really hope it's soon.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Still working on trust.
Still trying to trust that God has care and control of all these things flying in the air around my head and heart. Trust has usually come pretty easily to me, both with God and with people. And I suppose even in this, it's not trust in the sense of believing He has His best purposes in mind and that things will work out accordingly. It's more that tangible trust that things are in His hands, and I can just hang out and be at peace, like sitting on an airplane, almost mindlessly trusting the pilot to know what he's doing - it's not like I'm the one that has to be tracking the intensity of the lightning storm in Houston. (At least, that's how I feel when I'm on planes - totally unworried about anything except keeping Annabel happy and my back from hurting.) ...It's the practical trust that allows for deep, breathing peace in the right now, today, moment-to-moment. In the midst of this an Enter the Worship Circle song has been repeating endlessly in my mind: "Though I feel alone, I am never alone...You are with me, You are with me, oh my Lord..."
Praise the God who knows all about lightning storms.
Praise the God who knows all about lightning storms.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Trust
I just signed an official document transferring the care and maintenance of eight distinct concerns over to God, their willing and rightful caretaker. A nerdy but necessary contract, relieving me of ownership and relinquishing any and all responsibility for these eight things which are clearly beyond my domain. And gosh, I feel better.
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