18/09/2017

OMG. This is the longest time ever since the last time I logged in to this platform.

So the last time I logged in was like 2011? Gosh... Well, it is Sep 2017. 6 years has gone and am glad to say that I have married and is now a mother of 1. A love which comprises so much pain, so much hate and so much agony. How to describe my life all these years?

I have grown into a fine lady.. Erm.. Which I hope I'm a fine lady, but still likes to do things out of impulse. I have become quieter, think deeper (although sometimes I admit I do overthink on certain things) and less bubbly. I have also learned not to be judgmental and I see things in a more objective manner.

Some little achievement which I have got for the past 3 years, I took up part time studies and I have completed my private dip and now proceeded into doing my final year in  business degree program.

It was a tormenting process but a very fruitful journey. So the routine goes like this, knock off at 6pm and start lesson at 7pm then end sch at 10pm. Rushing for the datelines of coursework submission and chionging for the exams. The hectic life as a full time employee and part time student is, you always have to rush for sch and you do not have the luxury time to eat dinner whenever there's lesson. Worst of all, I have a young toddler at home. Nonetheless, I have met a lot of nice peeps in my life and I'm glad to have gotten many helps in all aspects. Not forgetting my twinnie, Sarah. Which is my best partner in crime cum my closest classmate. Life with her around has never been that wonderful before.

For work wise, I'm still working in the same environment. It seems that my progress is slow but at least im progressing within my comfort zone. Well, im not an ambitious person so... I think my priority is still to complete my studies first.

For domestic part, I have gotten my own BTO at clementi. Something which I feel so much sense of belonging there. Even though its a humble nest but I feel at ease there.

My relationship with my hubby is not good. Something which I didn't like to mention. We have very poor communication between us. Sometimes I feel so sad to have chosen marriage at such a tender age. I could have find a better guy, I could have lead a different life, I could have experience things in a different way, I could have become different from now, I could have been happier.

Was it me who was in the wrong? Questions which I have asked and have no answers for it. Soon I stop asking and I move on from here instead.

For health, I didn't have a healthy body heart. Im in a mental state which im always feeling anxious and distress. I didn't know how to handle. I'm learning how to manage the chronic pain I have on me. Apparently, I am having such a bad migraine till im always experiencing aura throughout the day.

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了 快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

My surgery Procedure

My surgery Procedure

I'm back home after my day surgery. It was a memorable experience.

12.30pm

I was registered by the nurse, then she brought me to waiting area to change my gown and i was not allowed to go out of the place.Dear was there to acc me, Darn him, he bought starbucks and delifrance then he purposely temp me and eat in front of me, still mocking me that i cant eat and drink. Measured BP.

2.10pm

Waited and finally i was pushed to the OT side. I was pushed to a small room outside the theatre and the anaesthetist attended to me. She injected sth to numb my skin before i was on drip. Then i was put to wait as my dentist was still not done with another patient. Measure BP again.

2.50-3pm

As i was waiting , my hand feel extremely strained and causes numbness/ aching then the salt water finished and blood start flowing back from the tube. At this point of time, i was pushed to the theatre, and the anaesthetist changed my drip. I was given a mask to breath in and i knocked out after which...

This was when I'm totally unaware of the surgery...

About 4pm,

(Pushed to the recovery room)I was awaken by the nurse by keep calling my name. I felt so drowsy and i couldn't open my eyes, hence i keep straggling to make myself conscience. Suddenly i felt the numbness on my lower jaw and the pain on my drips. A breathing tube was inserted in my nose for breathing. I don't know why i keep tearing when i don't feel that pain on my wound. Measured BP for many times..( i rejected panadol and ice water)

4.20pm-6pm.

Breathing tubes was removed and I'm pushed to the observation room. This was when i saw Dear sitting there waiting for me. He was shocked to see my eyes so red.. I keep changing gauge to stop my bleeding..I drank 2 cups of ice water and a cup of ice milo. Dear went to get my medicines at the pharmacy while I'm laying there.

Get changed and the nurse explained the after care for surgery...

Went home by MRT to tpy to shop for some groceries and went to eat with dear.. I force myself to eat Mee Suan and Rojak.. I think i cant eat for sure after my numbness gone.. I cant feel anything when i'm chewing, and i was looking on my small mirror while biting to ensure chewing..

Reached home at around 7pm.

MC for 2 days.

I fell Sick! Only worked for 1 hour! Suddenly lost of voice with no sore throat for days. lol. Finally seen the doctor in my clinic and was given 2 days MC. The doctor said he don't think i can work in the condition. He told me he, himself also feel sick . GOSH! He gave me some lozenges and gargle. The sore throat part came this morning hopefully i can regain my voice back asap. Now i really sound like an old maid. So rough and unpleasant voice.. I slept for the whole day after i reached home from 9+am to 4+pm..

im shagged !!

super tired!!!

just came back from work..
am having flu and cough now , vomited this morning. i think i've not been sleeping well these few days. I'm so random now.. perhaps i am wordless now. Zzz.

still counting down to dear's enlistment!!
4 more days......

I'll be missing him like mad.