Numbered days

I hate to say this in an arena where I do not know who reads the stuff I write. But I don't like the "seventh month" or any festival which have lots of incense burning or people torturing themselves via self affliction. I may sound intolerant in a society where intolerance will incur great wrath. However, there are several reasons why this is so and I plead you hear me out.

Firstly, I don't like the incense and offering burning which causes my throat and chest to tighten and my air well just closes up in a stifled cough or choke. The huge wafts of smoke going up to the air in mortal prayer often threatens to trigger my long suppressed asthma. Secondly, this and festivals which see people inflicting themselves with much pain, getting possessed etc are pretty scary to me and tend to send shivers up my spine or make my hair stand. You may wonder why I would have these reactions when I am not supposed to believe in these things. I don't. I do not believe that doing all these things will appease whatever it is that they believe in, and even if there are spirits on this earth, I do not believe that such practices will make our lives any better. I just cringe... And think about the spiritual warfare that is on-going, even in my mind by making me fear the unknown. So it is simply these 2 reasons that gave rise to my dislike.

As I ponder about my fear of the unknown, I realize that I really do not have anything to fear. For there is nothing unknown to God. There is nothing new under the sun. If there were spirits, Christ has displayed God's power and might through his living, death and resurrection. In his living, he not only caste out spirits, they recognized and were afraid of him. He conquered Satan and all that Satan used to wage war against God on earth and God's people by dying a righteous death on the cross in our place and rising from the dead so that those who hold fast to his word may be protected.

I should therefore not fear these festivals or talks of encounters but have a quickening and saddened heart. In fact, not just for those "supernatural" but for all that I see and hear around me - strife for monetary gain, devastation of lives due to economic plunge, strife for personal power and gain, need for security, beauty and health, aimlessness etc. For short is life and numbered are our days. Do not the burning incense and offering to those passed on reflect lives that were once on these earth but now are gone? Is not the market volatility an indication of the unpredictability of something even man-made? Our countless idols and fears in life... Do they not show Satan's increasing attempt at drawing us away from God? I should be sad... For judgment has come and the final judgment will surely come to pass. For when that time comes, those who do not believe in the blood of the lamb and hold fast to His word will be judged for eternity. Numbered are our days here on earth... Numbered are we. Quicken our hearts and pace, for we know not when the time comes and many are the lost. Fear not the things that will come to past, but fear the one who numbers our days and overcame death and evil.

The diary

Tonight, I watched the last episode of a hong kong serial filled with opium, triads, friendship, love, war and death. My current love for passion-filled, action-packed dramas. The director chose to have a bitter-sweet ending harping on the memories that the friends have. From the reading of the diary at the memorial service, to flashes of events and emotions... One can't help but say... Yes... They have lived their lives to the fullest and with no regrets as they have loved, cherished, encouraged, spurred and met their loved ones.

Age it seems, and life for that matter seems to be catching up with me these days. Reality hits home that life has its happiest moments, and it's saddest. It has it's brightest beams of light, and it's darkest. Life on this earth will come to an end one day.

What then will I have as memories... Or what memories do I want to leave for those left behind? A lifetime of good deeds and activities, or a lifetime of joy, tears, struggles, self-discovery and the strength, love and hope that has brought me through thus far? I think the latter was the reason I named this blog a treasure trove. Not because I feel that my musings are much to consider, but because it was meant to show the treasures and riches that God has given me in my life. Life without God... Is no life at all. For by Him, through Him and for Him am I made. This I cannot yet phantom. But I know that everything is in His hands... To Him be all glory and praise. This is what I want the world to know.

Carry me

God has called me to lift my eyes to Jesus & press on to my home in
heaven.. But while I'm waiting for my saviour Jesus who clothed me
with glory... Oh i am filled with weakness.. Oh I forget my way..
Carry me in your arms cover me with your shelter.. lift me up so I
can see give me eyes that seek your face..

Lord, as the song says, we are weak.. But i know you are strong & have
overcome.. We forget our way but you are our guide.. We find it hard
to trust in others & ourselves.. For it is a life full of failure that
we see. But lord, lift our eyes to you that our hearts & minds be
unswerving.

No point...

It's ironic that my name's filled with intonations of the grace & gift
of God.. When I so often find it hard to be thankful to Him for my
existence.

What's the point of existing when I'm not a colourful person? Often
giving people awkwardness as to what to say or converse with me. How
hard I try to be fun & full of words that flow out of my mouth but the
words just don't? What's the point of trying to make the other
comfortable when i'm in turmoil inside? Maybe it's just me.. Maybe
there's no point.. Maybe... I should just be a hermit. Maybe I
shouldn't have existed.

What's the point of living when there's no fun & nothing to do? When
everything seems meaningless? What's the point of being with someone
you don't enjoy? No point..

But why God? Why? Why did you make me such? Why do I have to go thru
things normal girls don't? Why can't I be like the popular girls with
lots of admiration & whose lives seem perfect? I'm tired of trying to
carry my burden after all these years. I'm tired of having to be like
those girls. I'm tired of trying to be steady & dependable. I'm tired.

Trapped

Plans have been made, tickets booked, conferences arranged & wedding
invitations sent. Life in this fast paced & high tech age is all of
one word: efficiency. All planned & done in clock-work precision.

The volcano decided to erupt, spewing forth massive cloud dust of ash.
The earth decided to rumble & crack, tumbling buildings that were
meant to be secure. The waves decided to become monstrous & swallow
everything in its way.

What can we say but that all the prevention & precaution of man & all
our planning is still subject to many unforseen circumstances? Can you
say that you'll be around tomorrow? That life on earth will still be
the same years ahead? Will Jesus Christ come tomorrow or will he not?
What man plans & presupposes, no matter how great man & his inventions
may be, is still subject to God. What foolishness & pride have we that
we plan & predict the future but give no weight to what we've been
clearly shown. The christ who is the turning point in history.

But what then is the meaning of life & the gift of man to work,
create, procreate, plan & use his gifts? If nothing is within our
control? Be shrewd therefore, & put all these to good use whilst
waiting for him to return. Be alert & know that he may come at any
hour. Live, not die, for he came to seek & save the lost & call the
living from the dead. For grace he has shown & by grace we must live.
Not as the dead who think they can control their lives, but as the
living who live with bated breath waiting for all to be made
perfect... In his time.

Vanity

Living in vain with nothing to gain.
Nothing can I add or minus to make me less a pain & living less in vain.
Why live & live it up to the max when nothing in my hand I can contain?
My own thoughts & tongue like fire uncontained?
Have mercy on me my Lord you who have made it plain.
Your grace & wisdom I cannot phantom but you've shown your mercy all
the same.
Everything in your hand is contained.
My living without you is all in vain.

What is the reason of joy for you?

What is the fuss about the birth of a baby boy?
With years of celebration of such great of joy?
Why should we care about this person we do not know?
Or are we just being happy about something coz the world says so?
Bright lights and cheerful music we have heard,
But the reason for the joy of a special birth how many have heard?
Can a God be born as a mortal on earth?
Can He have a humble birth?
Can different people speak of someone thousands of years before He was born?
That coz of Him the word the light has dawned?
Who is He who doesn't rule with weapons or money?
Whose words stab the hearts of many?
Who is He that we should celebrate His birth?
When to death He walked to His enemy's mirth?
If only that that death was His purpose,
And from death He arose?
Why should we care at all unless He died for us?
Why should we care at all unless we know why He died for us?
What is the reason of joy for you?

Can I change?

I've been reading a book titled "You Can Change" by Tim Chester. My reading has been slow. I was drawn to this book as its title sounds like a self-help book which one can find in a good bookshop. Though I knew that this was a Christian book about God's transforming power as the sub-title is quick to qualify, I wanted to know how different this book is from the books I've read on similar topics like this. I was skeptical... "Can the leopard change its spots?" "Do we have the ability to change?" "How come Christians claim to be changed by having Christ in their lives but there seems to be little changed for the better?"....

This book is relatively easy on the eye and easy to read. However, with many real life experiences and encounters the author brings to mind the realities of sin in each one of us. He drives home the seriousness of sin starting from how mankind has broken and distorted the image of God by his rebellion against God. He then builds up the glory and power of God in restoring man's relationship with him through his son Jesus Christ, the goodness and sufficiency of God that we need not fear or look else where apart from God for sufficiency. Tim Chester also puts forth the importance of community in helping one another live in obedience to God. There are many other points in the book which I recommend you to read.

Even as I read this book these past few months, I am constantly faced with the struggles in my life just as before. I still sinned, I still trudged and stumbled, I still questioned why I can't seem to change. It was very frustrating!! But just as the book isn't a self-help book where it is guaranteed that our lives will be changed dramatically, it was a constant reminder of how much we need Christ, why we can't run away from sin or God, why we can't hide sin, why it is God whom we ought to fear and find sufficiency in, and why God has given us a community of believers to support and encourage each other as we run this rugged trail run of a race! It was comforting to be reminded that just as Christ has set us free from the clutches of death, he has the power to make us more like him.

The recent chapters which are more vivid to my mind now since I've just read them, focused on how we can support one another in changing. Here are two exerpts which sorta stuck in my mind today.

"You are guilty, but Christ has borne your guilt. You deserve God's judgment, but Christ has borne your judgment" - An accountability with a fellow brother or sister who can speak the truth in love and yet not judge or despise you but points you in the direction of Christ for the restoration of your relationship with God.

"The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We are not allowed to be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners." - How true. How often do we build a barrier around ourselves as we try to put on a front especially to fellow christians for fear of the judging eyes and wagging tongues? But how are we then to change if we pretend that there's nothing wrong with us? How are we therefore recognizing our sinfulness and how truly we must repent of our sin? Can we reach out to people in our community, love them just as Christ loved us, recognizing the sin, struggle with them as they struggle with sin, and point them to the healing grace of Christ's death on the cross? Just as Tim puts it aptly in his blog, I would rather be part of a church that is "messy" with all the problems to struggle with on the up front with nothing to hide, than with a church that seems to be neat and clean on the surface but messy inside (I think it's may not just be messy... but barren coz there is just no life!)

Will you run this race with me as we go through the ups and downs of this rugged real life trail run? Will you point out the faults in me with love? Will you remind me of God's grace and love magnified in the life, death and resurrection of Christ? I want to change - because I know that I have died and my life is hidden with Christ in God. I want to be a true Christian changed by the power God. Not one who spouts meaningless/worthless words and lives a life of hypocrisy.

Help me dear God...