May Holidays

Finally holidays started, well it started after my exams were finished, end of April I think. Everything went by fast and shocking, thinking back that around last year April I was still busy preparing for my college graduation, and here I'm about to start my 2nd year of my bachelor studies. Time flies huh, lots of things come and go, makes me wonders what should I write this time. Well I went for competition early this year, lost touch with most of it now, oh and studies, didn't really do well this time round, managed to pass all subjects luckily. Back to my old self again I guess, was thinking about hitting the clubs, but well couldn't make up my mind which one I should go, so decided to stay at home, but the boredom is really killing me soon.

I thought up of some stuffs that I should accomplish by the end of this holiday, first thing is find myself a holiday job, well managed to secure one, but still don't know when can I really start to work as they haven't call me. Next is learning something new like arts and music, maybe watch some videos related to arts, recently just found a good movie, it's about Vincent van Gogh. This guy is really amazing, regardless of what people thinks about him, his arts are amazing, attracting your attention with those astounding colours, well I'm not sure that I'm using the correct word, but yeah his paintings are really something. I think his madness was caused by his loneliness, lack of love and attention from families and friends, and his lack of ability to express his feelings to others. I don't really think that he is mad, and I can somehow understands that his actions were due to extreme frustration and desperation, for example, he cut his own ear after an extreme argument with his friend that he admired deeply. Of course I won't cut my own ears, but when you are in such a situation, and he was your only friend that you respect so much, a sane man will be probably do something similar to his, and at his time there weren't any mobile phones and Internet and Facebook, only writing letters, so basically he can't rant to anybody, not like us, maybe we still can post something on Facebook wall. The part that Vincent fell in love with his cousin was abit disturbing, because it's incest, about to become. Then, he fell in love with a pregnant woman that was older than him and also a prostitute. I really admire his compassion for the woman, he was so daring and willing to give her whatever he can, without bothering what others may think of him. Well the movie said that only his brother Theo understands him, but I think Theo doesn't. If Theo really understands him, I don't think that Vincent will commit suicide, as Theo will be helping him before he had to go through all those madness. If Vincent was to be born in this era, 21st century, he won't commit suicide I guess, with so many organizations out there waiting to help him, and maybe even sponsoring him and guiding him. But then again, the reason why he is so famous now is because of his paintings, that was the result of his madness.

I can't think of what I should do, I don't really want to go back my home town, personal reasons and so on. I met a girl, friend of friend, not bad looking, but kinda complicated for the time being, try to sort this out and give it some time. I don't know where this will go, it's like a lost kite in the sky? Sounds serious, anyway whatever will be, will be. God will handle the rest. Haven't been attending church though, been a year plus since I stepped into a church. I wonder why... hope everything is fine. God bless, Amen.