I MOVED

Well first of all I would like to say that I am going to start blogging again... but using a different site. SOOOOO without further ado, I introduce you to

https://fightlikeagirlbk.wordpress.com/


See you there!

Life is hard

Life is hard. Yup. I said it. 

Had savannahs IEP yesterday. It's and individual education plan for children with special needs. Any child with extra needs has one. I walked into the room and I immediately felt defensive. I know it's lame, but lately I've been feeling like the teacher is frustrated with me and also not being an advocate for savannah. 

So I walked in the room with a little apprehension in the presence of the speech and occupational therapist, the adaptive physical education teacher, the psychologist, and her teacher. They started by telling me where she fell in the testing... Basically I tried to hold back the tears. I wasn't so much tearing from the information but the overwhelming feeling of life right now and this was just the icing on the cake. The conversation turned to savannahs strengths and then we talked about her IEP. 

It was at this point I found my voice and began to feel confortable speaking up. What they were telling me was not new information. I know where Savannah falls socially and academically and what her needs and behaviors are. I am her mother and I am quite in tune to her needs and all things Savannah. 

We discussed her prader willi and what this means to the school and to me. I explained to them what it was like at home... We lock our cupboards and pantry and the fridges with combination locks. No food, including gum is to be out of the kitchen at all. No exceptions. Backpacks and lunches are to be emptied as soon as school is over and all food is to be put in the fridge or trash.

If we don't do this then it is on me. It is my job to keep her safe and when she gets into food it means I have failed at the one thing I am supposed to do with 100% accuracy. There is no room for mistakes... Alas they happen. Sometimes I get really upset with her and punish her. Other times I just ignore it... And other times I have an overwhelming guilt that I wasn't able to keep her safe... Mostly I'm just trying hold my crap together without falling apart every day. Cookies help. Lifting heavy helps. And sitting on the bathroom floor with the fan on and bedroom door locked helps... But that is for another day 😬

This little girl makes me laugh, cry, frustrated, love her one minute and want to beat the s*** out of her the next. Keep it real people. Keep it real. 

Sunday feels

Sunday's are days for waffles and baking and pondering. What better way to ponder than while eating a brownie and a lemon bar and monkey squares and chocolate chip cookies... Do I like sweets? Yes. Yes I do 😊. They help me think and I usually reserved them for Sunday's. Because Sunday's are for eating. At least that's what I'm told.

Today the kids are baking brownies. The littles are using game pieces to make protein shakes. They are making a mess, but they are working together and they are not watching any devices. This is a big feat in our home.

I teach the 16&up Sunday school class at church and today we are talking about the atonement. I'm using Elders Oaks talk from last general conference. It's about what the atonement is and how we can apply it in our lives. Each week I pray that I will be able to teach the teenagers the gospel. That they will listen and that they will feel the spirit. Just once. That's my goal. If they feel the spirit just once in my class and remember one thing I taught them then I can call that class a success. 

Off to smell the brownies...