The Amazing Power of Silver Bullets

In yet another success story, we have already made our end-users thrilled by our application of Oracle Silver Bullets book . . .



We had a vendor application where the vendor fully-cached the database and it had massive performance problems. Mike and I applied function-based indexes, stored outlines, changes to the optimizer paramers, and the whole application ran 3x faster, in just a few days, without touching a single line of the application code.

For more information on Oracle Silver Bullets, see my latest book:



I’m almost finished with my intensive scuba class, and I soon hope to become a PADI certified open water diver, like Mike:



Dive school is incredibly rigorous, but I still have what it takes. . . .

Accessing IQ on the web

Criminals utilizing the World Wide Web possess various levels of intelligence and some of the most dangerous criminals in history have been extremely intelligent. Users cannot let a high IQ fool them into a false sense of security.

Nevertheless, evaluating a person’s IQ is one way to establish clues to character and purpose. If one accepts the statistics in the revolutionary book, The Bell Curve, it is apparent that people vary widely in intelligence with the USA national average IQ being heavily skewed by a number of factors. But why does anyone need to assess intelligence on the web?

The answer is that users have very few clues about the person behind the keyboard and must rely on whatever clues are readily available. These techniques are especially useful for identifying “posers” who pretend to be more intellectual than they are in actuality.

The greatest skew in intelligence is found in an evaluation of IQ averages by level of formal education level:

• Basic illiteracy - 85
• High School Graduate – 105
• College Student – 120
• Graduate Student – 128
• Medical Doctor – 135

So, how can Internet users gain an advantage by learning techniques for quickly pre-judging people with little or no detailed information about them.

Assessing IQ on the Web

Assessing IQ comes in handy in many instances. One such instance would be if one were approached by a con artist posing as a “professional.” Many of these posers will deliberately introduce big words or famous quotes into a conversation in an effort to impress others with their high-level of knowledge. They can be very adept at using Google to find synonymous words, but terrible at fashioning a coherent sentence. This type of criminal should immediately be considered dangerous because they are deliberately attempting to mislead.

Willful deception is always a major red flag, and users should always be very wary of anyone who is posing as someone or something that they are not.

Many people enjoy the creative use of the English language, and subtleties can reveal volumes about the education and intelligence of a person on the web. Here are some examples based on Internet message boards and forums.

From someone posing as a medical doctor:

I am uphawled at the way your doctor treated you.

If you were really starel then the Clomiphene treatment would make you ferdal.

From someone posing as a college professor:

I don’t no if this makes a difference, but it’s soley my opinion.

Here’s one from an alleged Electrical Engineer:

I think that my clame stand for itself and I never said I was a no it all.

Legitimate misspellings can be forgiven; however, fundamental errors in word usage, sentence structure and grammar are always dead giveaways. For more information, see the great book “Web Stalkers: Protect yourself from Internet Psychopaths”:

The Death of Offshoring

I’m writing this on a flight over the ocean, enroute to an overseas destination to do some computer consulting.

In the ultimate irony, offshoring companies are quietly sub-contracting their jobs back to consultants in the U.S.A.! We are under strict NDA, but it's a riot that the cheaper Offshoring is being done offshore, but by USA consultants!

You Get What You Pay For. . . .

If you are an IT manager who entrusted your mission-critical computer system to a foreign “offshore” developer firm, well, you may be paying more than you need. In many offshore systems that I have examined, poor coding practices caused a giant mess, and the rare cases where code is written to-spec, it is obtuse, convoluted, and inefficient and most of it has to be re-done from scratch.

Offshoring (the use of grossly under-trained and unskilled IT professionals) has been the butt of many tasteless jokes, especially the popular joke web site, Primate Programming.

Experienced programmers are out-coding the offshore programmers who only charge $12/hour! There is a manager somewhere who thinks that he is saving a bundle by using offshore development, when he is paying more than if he stayed with the “more expensive” local programmers.

We are mentoring some of the locals understand Oracle concepts, a time-consuming one-on-one job that my consultants specialize in. Yeah, offshoring is officially dead. We will have loads of Oracle people on-site soon. They seem to like it here.

The Perils of Text-only Communications

Without the subtle nuances of the spoken word, detecting humor, sarcasm and anger can be very difficult. Writers have always relished the ambiguity of the written medium and have used a host of word tools designed to introduce double entendres and hidden clues into their text.

For a fantastic treatment of web Netizens, see Mike Reed’s wonderful web site, “Flame Warriors”. Mike is the official artist for Rampant TechPress, and a very talented artist. On the web, the inherent lack of non-verbal communications leads to many misunderstandings.

• A simple typographical error in a sentence might change the meaning of the thought that the writer intended to convey.
  
• A word with multiple meanings might be read with a different meaning than what was originally intended.

Even the choice of font can be the source of consternation for some. The following is an example from a UseNet newsgroup:

btw... a**hole, why don't you type in a normal font.

The bold mono-spaced font is difficult to read. If you don't know how to change fonts read the book that came with your browser!

The next response is even scarier and demonstrates how even the tiniest matter can enrage some individuals:

Well, D***head... I type in the fonts I happen to like. I didn't realise you'd been apointed head of the Font Police.

I suppose lying, dishonest SOBs like you get to pontificate on anything, though, don't they? Anyway: I can recommend a good optometrist if you find it difficult to read.

Incidentally, "Arial" is not a mono-spaced font, but I'm sure you won't want facts to get in the way of your "argument".

Look [poo]-for-brains most folks, except blowhards like you, don't use BOLD and ITALIC except for emphasis. I guess you didn't learn that in school.

So, how does one communicate effectively in a text-only world? Users need some method to communicate emotion.

The World’s First Emoticon

The founding fathers of the Internet decided to use special characters to indicate simple emotions. For Internet history buffs, the following is the very first bulletin board message that proposes the use of symbols to indicate jokes in 1982:

________________________________________
19-Sep-82 11:44 Scott E Fahlman :-)
From: Scott E Fahlman

I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:

:-)

Read it sideways. Actually, it is probably more economical to mark things that are NOT jokes, given current trends. For this, use

:-(

The “reading sideways” of these symbols allows the expression of facial emotion without being face-to-face. Once users adapt to turning their heads 90 degrees, the symbols make a lot of sense and add emotion to text statements, helping to fill the non-verbal void in text communications:

While primitive, these icons helped immensely to remove the ambiguity of text-only communications. For more information, see Stephen Andert’s great book “Web Stalkers: Protect yourself from Internet Psychopaths”:

rules for usinf Commas & Hyphens

I’m just finishing the fantastic book “Eat’s, Shoots and Leaves”, and I never thought that I would enjoy a book about English Grammar so much. I especially love the cover:



It validates that I know a whole lot more than I thought about English composition, even though I detested English class and I've been accused of poor sentence construction. Most folks from quantitive backgrounds (Information Systems, Computer Science, Engineering, &c) have very bad punctualtion skills, and, like me, they need a refresher course on the proper use of commas, hyphens and semicolins.

One of Janet’s best friends, Robin Haden, helps-out as my copy editor and we often butt-heads about commas and hyphens. Robin is a brilliant Nuclear Engineer and a manager for North Carolina Nuclear regulatory commission, and she helps-out by constantly lambasting my punctuation!

She says that my generous usage of commas and hyphens are a “Turd in the punchbowl”, ruining my otherwise eloquent and erudite prose:


The original turd in the punchbowl

Me, I like hyphens. They are superb for delineating phrases such as across-the-board and making words like "ass-wipe" easier to read.

The Norm is the rule, silly!

In English grammar, norms become the rule, and “Eats, shoots and leaves” illustrates how overwhelming usage dictates proper punctuation, just like the rules within a database can be reliably inferred from a normative analysis.

For example, I see new terms such as "My Bad" and "Asswipe". I often wonder if ass-wipe should be hyphenated or left whole, as-in asswipe, and what is the proper usage for "My Bad".

A Google search for “asswipe” shows 62,000 hits, while “ass-wipe” shows only 14,800 hits. However “hypersensitivity” and “hyper-sensitivity” are about equal on Google (1,000,000 each), and I prefer the hyphenated version because it is easier for the casual reader.

Googling for Grammar

You can also use Google to understand how brand-new pheases ("My Bad") are used in sentences. Most folks don’t know that you need double double-quotes to find a quoted string on Google, like "my bad". The correct search would be with two-sets of double-quotes, like ""my bad"". A beginner might only use one set of double-quotes “my bad”, and get a very different result set, and not what they wanted:

The magnificent book “Google Hacking for Penetration Testers” is an excellent way to infer proper English grammar. Even though the book is all-about finding computer vulnerabilities with Google, the examples of the advanced searches show how one can determine proper punctuation by observing the norms on the web:

Government regulation for podcasting

I just finished a teaser for an upcoming series I’m planning on the future of podcasting and govenment regulation:

Does RSS and Podcasting tempt government regulators?

In the early days of the 1900’s most Americans were farmers and very familiar with “broadcasting”, the processing of spreading seeds by slinging them in a concentric circle, and this term was used to define the process of distributing information over the airwaves:

In the legal arena, courts have struggled to determine if existing broadcasting laws apply to the internet, and one of the major reasons cited for the difference between traditional broadcasting and the web was the “passive” nature of web pages, where you must actively find them via hyperlink or a search engine.

The future of the on-demand web

It's very clear that bloggers and traditional broadcasters may soon move onto the internet and a few key future developments will foster this issue:

• The delivery of nationwide satellites that provides wireless web across all of the USA
  
• The incorporation of TV and Radio devices to feed from the wireless internet satellite

I’m currently researching techniques to make this blog more professional, including video and audio technology, using my new Mac G5 and a professional video set-up. When the internet bandwidth increases, I'll be ready:

I’m also experimenting with automated incorporation of voice recognition (VR) software into my blog audio, so that the hearing impaired might get a chance to see my face while reading the text of my compelling arguments:

As a licensed FCC radio operator and pilot, and I’m familiar with all of the confounding rules and regulations of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). Trust me, we don't need the oppressive "Uncle Charley" coming-in and regulating the web . . .


The FCC and Obscenity

Because blogs may be considered a form of broadcast media, all blog operators have to be careful not to violate the strict FCC guidelines for content delivery and obscenity. This link has great examples of obscenity rules for broadcasters:

Material is offensive if it offends the "average" broadcast viewer or listener. Commission staff, and ultimately the Commissioners themselves, decide what the average person finds offensive. Examples of the Commission's findings include:

• popular songs which contain repeated references to sex or sexual organs (e.g., "I Want To Be A Homosexual," "Penis Envy," "Walk With An Erection," "Erotic City," "Jet Boy Jet Girl," "Makin' Bacon");
  
• DJ banter concerning tabloid sex scandals (e.g., Vanessa Williams' photographs in Penthouse and a honeymooner whose testicle was caught in a hot tub drain);
  
• discussions between DJs and callers concerning intimate sexual questions (e.g., "What makes your hiney parts tingle?"; "What's the grossest thing you ever put in your mouth?");
  
• dirty jokes or puns ("Liberace was great on the piano but sucked on the organ");
  
• non-clinical references to gay or lesbian sex, masturbation, penis or breast size, sodomy, erections, orgasms, etc; description or simulation of various sexual acts;
  
• and the seven dirty words (sh*t, f**k, p*ss, c*nt, c**ksucker, motherf**ker, t*ts).

Remarkable Coincidences

I’m not a numerologist, but some things just “creep me out”, like related facts that have a probability of being “accidental” at more than one in a billion. Is it the hand of God, or just people struggling to explain things? There are some fascinating web sires devoted to amazing coincidences.

But we don't have to look far to find more amazing coincidences. . . .

Declaration of Independence Signers

Also, did you know that the only two presidents who signed the Declaration of Independence both died on the 4th of July, exactly 50 years after signing date:

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams die on Independence Day



Lincoln’s son

Abe Lincoln’s son, Robert Todd Lincoln, was not only present at his father’s assignation, but he also witnessed the assignations of two other U.S. Presidents, Garfield and McKinley:



I’ll bet that ole R.T Lincoln did not get invited to the While House to much after that. . .

Lincoln & Kennedy

Of course, we are all familiar with the almost unbelievable relationships of Presidents “Lincoln” and “Kennedy”, almost too creepy to be just common coincidences:

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not to go to Dallas.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

Creepy, huh? Or is it just a remarkable coincidence?

I’ve always wondered if it is just humans trying to make sense of the unexplained, searching in-vain for meaning where there is none, or whether it’s the hand of an unseen force, gently remaining us that there is indeed a universal power ruling our universe.

The Demonization of the South

Many folks are surprised to learn that some Southern children are taught to dislike Abe Lincoln and General Sherman.

Last year Janet and I took her mother to New York City, and we were approaching the giant golden stature at Central Park South. As soon as she recognized that it was a statue of Sherman on horseback, she said something like “Oh my, it’s that awful man”, and we reversed our course immediately, lest she get a closer look at the evil monster who destroyed the South, raping and pillaging innocent non-combatents. Sherman is an offensive image to most southerners.

Frankly, I find the statue of Sherman to be another example of the offensive ”big lie” perpetrated by Abe Lincoln. The gaudy statue shows Sherman being guided by an Angel, guiding his mission to crush the inherently evil Southerners. Thousands of people believe that this statue is offensive to all of the Blacks who died fighting for the Confederacy, and many feel that this statue should be torn-down and replaced by a statue of a "real" hero:

Me, I’m a fan of Audie Murphy, the teenaged medal-of-honor hero who was the most highly-decorated soldier of the 20th century:



If you have never seen the movie ”To Hell and Back” or been to the Audie Murphy Museum, I highly recommend it.

"To Hell and Back" is an amazing movie as you get a chance to watch Audie playing himself and you get a glimpse into the mind-set of a real American Hero:



You can buy a copy of ”To Hell and Back” on eBay.

A Reality Check

Many people feel hatred toward “Mr. Lincoln”, especially after the Emancipation Proclamation. To this day, most folks think that the Civil War was about slavery, and it is the sole handiwork of Lincoln's dishonest politics. A review of a few facts:

• At the start of the Civil War in 1861 slavery was legal in both the North and South.

• Lincoln said many times that if he could end the war without freeing a single slave, that he would do so.

• Three years into the bloody conflict, Lincoln was having a hard time finding soldiers who were willing to die for “States Rights”, and sympathy for the South was increasing.

• In 1863 Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, a document that ONLY freed SOUTHERN SLAVES! That’s right, the Emancipation Proclamation did not affect Yankee slaves, and the North continued to have slavery, all the while condemning us “evil” southerners:
  
  For political reasons, the proclamation did not free slaves in the states that supported the Union. Nor did it free slaves in the areas around Norfolk, Virginia, and New Orleans, Louisiana.

• Yankee slaves were not freed until AFTER the Civil War by the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States on the 18th of December, 1865.

Lincoln believed that by making the Southerners into “Demons”, he would create a bright-line of Good vs. Evil. With a broad stroke of marketing hype worthy of P.T. Barnum, Lincoln sold-out the South with the “big lie”, and it worked. Yankee soldiers were now doing “God’s Work”, singing songs like “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

A Load of Crap worthy of Hitler

Following the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation it was the North that had unfreed slaves, not the other way around. It’s the same “Big Lie” theory that Hitler used 70 years later to oppress the Jewish people in his bestseller “Mein Kamph”:



This technique, he believed, consisted of telling a lie so "colossal" that no one would believe anyone "could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously". The first documented use of the phrase "big lie" is in the corresponding passage: "in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility".¹.

Hitler’s big lie worked, and Mein Kampf sold like hotcakes, making Hitler a millionaire.




The Big Lie continues

Even today, us Southerners suffer the indignities of being know as “the side that supported slavery”, when the truth was almost the exact opposite. Many freed slaves fought for the Confederacy, and like me, many Southern black people are proud to be members of the great group, “Son’s of Confederate Veterans”:

“Spotsylvania resident Willie Levi Casey Jr. is an African-American member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans and proud to be Southern.”

I hope that people who read this will finally understand our hatred of “Dishonest Abe” and how his politics have forever demonized the South, a battle against ignorance that we continue to fight over 140 years after Sherman raped the South.

The Shameful Lie lives on at Gettysburg

Gettysburg is another example of the demonization of the South, and I continue to lobby for equal-treatment and honor for the soldiers who died on both sides. On my first visit to Gettysburg I left in a Huff after learning that the Southerners bodies were dumped into mass graves while Yankees dead were given the place of honor.



Both of my Great-Grandpa’s fought at Gettysburg, and they found slavery to be just as repulsive as any Yankee. By the way, if you ever want to have a life-changing experience, visit the Gettysburg National Park.

As an interesting side note, there were yearly reunions of Gettysburg veterans for many years, every July 4th. Both Yankees and Confederates took to wearing long beards as instantly-recognizable signs of their status of Civil War veterans, as shown here by my Great-Grandpa, John Wesley Burleson, a member of the famous Stanly County Yankee Hunters:



The Yankees and Confederates became friends and shared the details of their shared tribulations for decades afterwards, the last reunion being held in 1938, over 70 years later. However, there was one ugly incident at a Gettysburg reunion, where a bunch of elderly vets re-started the battle in a local restaurant, throwing food and clobbering each-other with their canes and walking sticks!

So, let’s set the record straight.

It was the North, not the South, who was the real evil in the Civil War.

Me, I’ve been collecting Confederate war bonds and currency for years, just in-case:


Miscellany

By the Way, since we were speaking of Hollerin, the famous “Rebel Yell” was a form of Hollerin, often the last sound heard by Yankees before being dispatched. Here is the only surviving recording of the Rebel Yell from an actual confederate soldier:

Rebel Yell - Long Version (36 Seconds, 3MB)

Hollering and Whistling in North Carolina

Hollering and whistling are required skills in rural North Carolina and they date-back for centuries.

At the end of the last Ice Age, the retreating glaciers left hundreds of small grooved valleys that the English settlers dubbed “Hollows”. Before the age of the telegraph, important news was spread for hundreds of miles by “Hollerin” the news to your neighbor in the next hollow.


Famous Hollers

The most famous Holler in North Carolina is “Booger Hollar” (a.k.a. “Dark Mountain”), where the Booger family had lived for centuries and is said to be haunted with the spirits of dead Boogers:

"The oldtimers call it the Dark Mountain, or Booger Hollar. Anyway, there are some places here that you avoid by instinct. Not fear really, they just kind of repell you around them."

Please don’t confuse Booger Hollar with the equally famous “Booger Mountain”, where the Boogers grow Christmas trees. Everyone is familiar with the Booger’s slogan “Have a Booger Mountain Christmas”.



Seriously, Booger Mountain is a multi-million dollar business, and many North Carolina natives resent the mass-marketing of Booger Mountain Christmas trees. I love the signs the competitors use, reminding us “Don’t pick a Booger”:



We have over a dozen workers spread-out over more than 60 acres (about twice the size of Ellis Island, in New York Harbor), and being able to holler can save you a 20-minute walk. (Our horse trainers don’t carry cell phones because an unexpected ring might spook our high-strung Arabian horses).

Whistlin’ Heaven

Just 10 miles up the road is Louisburg North Carolina, home of the famous “International Whistling Convention”. They even did a movie about it titled “Pucker Up: The Fine Art of Whistling”. Each year, celebrity whistlers come-in from all over the world, turning sleepy Louisburg into a paparazzi haven. They even have a “whistle” soda:



Andy Griffith chose the a-capella whistling theme song for his hit show “Andy of Mayberry” to honor the ancient whistlers of North Carolina, and every year they have a reunion at Mt. Airy (the “real” Mayberry”):



Here is the official International Whistler Convention web site. It’s loads of fun, second only to “Mule Days”, where we borrow Henry the Mule and ride into a town that does not allow cars or horses, only mules and hairy Asses.

Are You Trustworthy?

I’m working on activating security clearances for some folks, and I was impressed by the stringent criteria for SECRET and TOP SECRET clearances. After the John Walker spy fiasco, they have really tightened-up on the already stringent requirements.



Even a SECRET clearance application is 30 pages long and takes days to fill-out, as you must list every place you ever resided for more than a few weeks in your whole life. A TOP SECRET clearance is even more rigorous and can take years to complete.

Check this out, and see if you can be trusted with government secrets:

Are you Trustworthy?

I love the long list of “disqualifying conditions”, and it is somewhat similar to the pre-employment background checks that Janet runs on job candidates. I especially like these:

Problems in Work Performance: The work environment offers many opportunities to exhibit behavioral or psychological problems associated with unreliability, untrustworthiness, or poor judgment.

Employment History: Depending upon an individual's age and circumstances, frequent changes of employment without advancement raise the possibility of unsatisfactory work performance due to dishonesty, irresponsibility, drug use, emotional/mental problems, or other issues of security concern.

Multiple Traffic Offenses: Multiple traffic citations for reckless or high-speed driving, including driving with a suspended license, are examples of high-risk, antisocial behavior that may be a security concern.

Borderline personality disorder: It appears that the Federal agencies are getting better at identifying the personality types that are prone to betray their government. http://www.dss.mil/nf/adr/emotion/emoteT2.htm The principal characteristics of borderline personality disorder are:

• Unwarranted fear of rejection or abandonment, usually associated with low self-esteem. Such persons are uncomfortable alone. Examples of such behavior include inappropriate anger when someone important to them must cancel an appointment, or panic at a temporary separation.
  
• A pattern of unstable relationships with friends, lovers, or bosses. Such persons need a great deal of nurturing and support from any relationship. They may initially idolize someone who provides that nurturing, but then shift suddenly and dramatically to view that same person as hostile or cruel if they do not care enough or are not "there" enough for them.

Degeneration of Society?

There is lots of discussion about the high crime rates of the 21st century. Middle-aged folks reminisce about those “golden days”, way back when they were kids in the more-innocent times of the 1950’s and 1960’s. We could run freely through the neighborhood without our parents worrying about psychos and sex predators. Here is a wonderful audio book titled “America in the 1950’s”: