i don't understand either

well, now even i dont understand either
in fact, i m confused
but not to the extent that bothers me real much
coz deep down i know it's all just for fun
and i will remind myself to be clear-headed
i learnt it the hard way
from the past

:)

on another note, i need to keep the fire in me burning
now that it gt re-ignited after eons of darkness,
i sld and i will keep it going.

changing from a no-girl to a yes-girl
that partly explains the changes in bahavious too
it all stems from one's own mentality

:)

everytime, i feel like crawling back to the old n dark comfort zone/ hole,
i force myself to take one bigger step forward

:)

determination to change and to make it happen

:)

it is a good start and i have kept myself feeling hopeful

don't tell me it has all ended when it has barely just started

but

everytime i feel like backing down, i pushed myself to move a step forward

(thou i think my steps have been inhibited by fear and pessism in the past)

this was how i made the 1st step

and this shall be how i continue to move forward

step. by. step. :)

change begins with a mere thought and some courage.

ytd, i went to see a doctor for my birthmark removal, but the 1st thing she told me was this: i don't know what i can do about this, because birthmarks are always there.

oh wells,

even though i know it may not be fully removed,
even though i know that there may be a scar still,
even though i am aware that rejection could be due to factors other than this,
even though i understand that if i aint suitable for the role, regardless of the times i try, i will still not be in,
even though i will spend a lot of time and money,
even though everything may come to nought in the end,

i still wanna try to go for it

because i wanna minimize any clauses for rejection.
because at least i tried and if i fail, i rest assured that at least i tried.
because at this moment, this is what i want and it keeps me going forward, until one day, my goal changed, then i have nothing to say.
because this just shows how much i want it.

:)

the place i hate most

The Hospital.