Okay so its been a while since I've updated, but here are a few thoughts of mine:

I've been doing a Ton of soul searching this past few weeks. I've come to find a peaceful place about 15 min away from cedar. Its up on the mountain with an incredible view. there is also a hiking trail right off from where i park so I'm able to go down a bit then hide in the bushes to be alone.
The other day I escaped up there and took my scriptures and journal. I was just going through some spots where I've marked and I found a scripture that my brother-in-law shared with me about two weeks ago. its found in Gal 5:22-23; 22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,23 Meekness, temperance...

This Scripture is helping me recognize the ways of the spirit. So thank you Brent for helping me open my eyes. I think what has helped me the most recognize the "Fruit of the spirit" is love and peace. Throughout my trial i've been going through not once have i hated a certain individual. I feel more sorrow than anything and honestly i dont think i will ever stop loving this person. As soon as everything started to happen, I kept hearing the pure love of christ in my head over and over. yes it may have been a mental break down but i think it was the lords way to remind me that this person is still a child of god and that god still loves him and i need to as well. It doesnt mean I love him as a Married person should but love him as a dear friend and brother.

Then I've received peace. Peace to know that I've done all I could in the matter. Certain things have come and gone through this trial to help me realize i've tried my hardest. So in the future i wont look back and say, "What if" I know the lord has had his hand in many things over the past few months and i appreciate him in every way.

The image below I took last time I was home. This image creates a stirring inside my heart. It makes me think of how amazing that the whole building seems devastated. the walls have fallen and there is no roof. But its amazing because the foundation is still there. I see myself in this image. I have gone through a storm. My house has been torn down and wrecked. But what's on the bottom? my foundation. With the help of family and friends i have rediscovered this foundation. I've built upon the lord my whole life. I got distracted a while ago with replacing the roof maybe painting a few walls and forgotten, but it was still there. After this trial, I'm so happy to have the lord to rebuild on, to stand strong upon. I'm so grateful to have the examples in my life who help me in everything i do. I know the lord is still there for me and I'm excited to step forward knowing he will always be there.

ART

Well I have another love of my Life Its art. lol I'm posting some pictures for my mom to use for a presentation in church so here are some of my works and some explanations why i think they are great lol.




In this image there is a imposed shape the sky makes. a Triangle. the lines create a center point in the image.



This image shows texture pretty well



Rule of thirds applies here



Line for this image



Line and Repetitive Shape.



Complimentary Colors. Red and green are nice.



this one has some green and red hints in it plus a lot of line with the rim of the pot. also rule of thirds subject matter is not centered in this image.




Perspective is always fun to play with.



this image has a ton of complimentary colors mixed in. I also like it cause the rocks kinda create this repetitive shape.

My studies.

I have been studying a lot of the talks the general authorities I recently came across one that President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave during the last General Young Women's meeting. Entitled Your Happily Ever After.

A summary of this talk is he talks about how all the princesses in stories that start with "Once upon a time" always have to come over a trial before finding their "Happily Ever After" Examples being Cinderella has to deal with a Evil Step mother and sisters. Sleeping beauty dealing with a curse. All the fairy tales have some sort of Adversity.

"In each of these stories, Cinderella,
Belle, and the miller’s daughter have
to experience sadness and trial before
they can reach their “happily ever
after.” Think about it. Has there ever
been a person who did not have to go
through his or her own dark valley of
temptation, trial, and sorrow?
Sandwiched between their “once
upon a time” and “happily ever after,”
they all had to experience great
adversity. Why must all experience sadness
and tragedy? Why could we not
simply live in bliss and peace, each day
filled with wonder, joy, and love?
The scriptures tell us there must be
opposition in all things, for without it
we could not discern the sweet from
the bitter."

He continues on its not what trials we go through but it is how we endure it. He councils us to "Stay true to what we know is right" Endure it well and turn to the lord. The lord will bless you On how close you stay to the trail when you are experiences these trials.

Some things I have been learning during my time adversity are these. I am a beloved child of god. He has not left my side and guides me continually. I am very capable. I am strong enough to provide for myself and I am in control of my own happiness. I also know I am surrounded with people who care for me and love me.

Rising above the blues seems almost Impossible every now and then. But I know I am progressing day by day. Some days I feel i go up maybe an Inch...maybe a centimeter. but as long as I don't feel like I'm falling back down again, that is an achievement and shows I'm able to endure.

I really want to say thanks to a few people that have helped me feel stronger. I have my dear friends who text me daily and ask how am i doing. I am not sure I would be doing as good as i am without that daily reminder someone is thinking about me.

I also want to say thank you to my family. They have stood by my side this whole mess and i'm grateful for them. Thank you.

Another person is my Savior. He has been there for me in my darkest times. He helps me remember this is but a short time and that he has other plans for me. I Get by day by day with the reassurance he loves me and that he Is a constant guide in all of our lives even though we don't sense his hand.

I've also found I love music! You know there are a LOT of empowerment songs and boy hating songs out there it really helps. It makes me know I'm not the only one who has gone through heart ache and that others have made it through :D

Well Here is the Beginning of Summer. A beginning of Newness and a sense of Life.
I will grab life by the horns and Hold ON! lol

Never Again - Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

Well...

Well I know I haven't been updating like I used to. I've been pretty busy trying to stay afloat in these times.

A lot has been on my mind and in my heart, its been hard to understand everything. I know I am going through a hard and very difficult time. I've been talking to a friend who has been going through a divorce as well and today it hit me.

I'm tired of putting a face on where I hide that I'm in pain. God gave me emotions and needs and maybe one thing I need to learn is to depend on God more and his servants by allowing them to come in my life and help me.

I know I get a kick when someone comes to me for help and I actually help them! Like that warm fuzzy feeling. Who am I to not give that warm fuzzy to other people who deserve them?

Some questions I have had in my head have come down to this. Now what? I've been looking at this in a pessimistic view for the past few weeks and tonight one of my good friends posted a quote by William Ernest Henley.

The quote is:

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud: Under the bludgeoning of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll; I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

This quote has made me realize that I need to become Stronger and not be all Woe is me. I am the Captain of my soul, The source of strength and direction in my life. Right now I am fighting a major storm but I know I can make it through.