Paul McCartney = Awesome

A few weeks back I started to write a web log regarding the Paul McCartney concert. I never finished it. I'll finish it now.

It was good. Real good. Best concert I have ever attended and ever will attend.

The end.

I Challenge You to a Duel, Colonel Sanders

You may have heard of Kentucky Fried Chicken's most recent creation, the Double Down. This culinary masterpiece functions on the principle of replacing bread with meat. Two fried chicken breasts compose the "bun" which lovingly sandwiches bacon, cheese, and a special sauce.

The Double Down was surprisingly less disgusting than I thought it would be. I actually found myself enjoying it. However, I considered how I could improve the concept. How could I create the "Double Down 6.0?"

I set to work in the kitchen to create some sort of new super-food. After weeks of research, sweat, tears, and genetic engineering. . .

I present to you . . .  the Steak Bowl!*

The Steak Bowl is the home to all the delicious foodstuffs which typically augment a steak: potatoes and sautéed onions and mushrooms. Bread bowls are so last year.

Game, set, and match, Colonel Sanders.

*Patent Pending

Easter Egg Hunt

I've moved. Again. My new place is okay, with one glaring defect - the smell. I've personally never smelled Grim Death himself before, but I imagine he smells a lot like my apartment did when I first moved in last Saturday.

So as children were searching for Easter eggs, I was searching my apartment for some sort of decomposing matter. After some cleaning the smell's gotten better but I have yet to uncover the jackpot of all smells unholy.

Utah Jazz + Most Recent Game = Huzzah!

Huzzah! This evening the Utah Jazz basketball team beat their opponents on the Oklahoma City Thunder team.  It was a delicious OT win. This game was kind of a big deal as up to this point the Jazz have been tied with three other teams for the #2 spot in the Western Conference; this most recent win puts the Jazz ahead of the others.

Of course, there are a few games left in the regular season and the Jazz must battle with all their basketball might to stay ahead of the pack. However, I'm confident we (the Jazz and myself) can make it happen.

May we make Larry Miller proud.

Conrad, Larry, and me on St. Patty's Day

Mice Are Not Cute

To those that think mice are cute, I present exhibit A and exhibit B.

Exhibit A: "Mouse Plague"


Exhibit B:


I went to a cabin the other weekend with some friends. It was a delightful event, minus one moment.  We stayed up fairly late the first day we got there and when the time came to go to bed, I moseyed on up to the upper level of the cabin to go to bed. I didn't turn on any lights, but was armed with a mere miniature mag-light to get settled in.


I decided to sleep on top of the bed and cover myself with a blanket from home so I wouldn't have to wash the sheets and make the bed later. I was pretty restless so I tossed and turned for quiet some time. I finally tried to get comfortable by laying on my stomach. I put my hand under the pillow. I felt something oblong, roughly the size of a tic-tac. Yet, this was no tic-tac; I turned on my light to discover a mouse turd. Indeed, a turd. I frantically waved my small flashlight around, discovering this bed to apparently be the communal lavatory of all the mice in the region.


If you are familiar with mice poop diseases, you may know of the hantavirus. This disease comes as a result of coming in contact with mice feces or saliva. Rolling in feces and saliva could be defined as coming in contact, I suppose. This disease can be fairly nasty; it has flu-like symptoms and can be fatal within 2 days. Incubation is typically 7-16 days, but can be up to 64 days. So far so good. But if I die, I leave all of my possessions to the rat king (I was going to post a picture of a "rat king" but I decided not to, as looking at it made me feel kind of queasy). May my offering appease the rat king that he may never have his subjects poop on human beds again.

Happy Post-Valentine's Day!

Happy day-after-Valentine's!

Some of you without a special someone, as I, may have considered building a significant other out of household items for the holiday. After a google search for some much needed instructions, I was dissuaded by the following warning:

Give them an arm and they'll take a leg. Both legs. And then some guy with a big mustache will steal your Frankenstein-esque love. Seems safer now to just hook up with a video game character . . .

Doppelgänger

It appears that last week was "doppelgänger week" on Facebook; those participating in the doppelgänger fun posted a picture of a celebrity that looks like them as their Facebook profile picture.

I resolutely refused to post a doppelgänger picture. The thought of participating in doppelgänger week conjured a horrific memory I have been trying to blot from memory for a long time. A couple years ago I ran a picture of myself through a celebrity face recognition site. After processing for a few moments the website generated my doppelgänger:

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the Mary Cate and Ashley Olsen twins.

I'm pretty sure that was a result of a virus . . . or something like that. Right? RIGHT?!!