340. this type of modern life, is not for me.

i just feel like i need a suitable person to hear me out, listen and tell me why i dont feel happy despite not seeming to lack anything other than maybe happiness or a person to hear me. maybe that person can make me cry. i havent done so in a long time. i dont feel happy, so i dont know why i just cant cry.

i think all the time growing up, i have been nurtured to fake emotions in many things i do. especially looking happy. when im not alone, im feel very obliged to give at least a bright look in my eyes so no one would notice anything wrong with me. but when im alone, i look quite sad.

i cant really tell whats wrong with me. i just dont feel the excitement in life. i dont know anything to really be happy about. maybe i dont feel the passion in living a comfortable life. i probably just want to get out there and live a carefree and independent and self-contented life, not one already controlled by education, destined for us to graduate from university and become a teacher and then work until death.

last time i used to think that money is important, but now i find i've changed my mind. i dont think i would mind any kind of life as long as i feel happy.

"do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?" of course i have, but then when i think about what would change when i start again, i realise everything will still be the same, and i will still be the same plastic bag drifting through the wind.

probably the song that describe how i feel now:

maybe this is why i like her so much, because she has a song for everything i feel. this song's lyrics just aptly expresses how i feel.

posted by datf @ 12/09/2010 10:04:00 pm 0 Comments