Friday, November 15, 2013
14/11
I dun really noe wat happened to her and mi, it seems tat she keep being so wilful and stubborn. Till she mk mi really angry and cry...i do tix u nt happy i do tat u also nt happy...but den again my temper went den fast coz i love her and still wanna mk her happy tat wat a rs is abt and yet for the past few dating, she always wanna ruin the day for us...for eg recent case she ask mi go dhoby meet her and i agree den ended up we sit there for lk 3pm-6pm juz sitting outside yamaha and didnt go anywhere jux becoz i say something abt her and she start giving mi attitude den so be it...maybe i was being insensitive but im try my best...trying to talk calmly wif her yet tix was wat i get...den next thing worst, i got a gathering wif frens and cannot bring u another attitude problem...cry cry cry...its nt tat i dun wan to bring u but i cant yet u kp giving crying...for the whole night...i really dunno why u lk tat lately
Last time say mi if cannot bring den dun say can now i say cannot also cry wat u wan mi to do...already say last time before still giving mi the attitude and u wanna mk mk crazy den u happy
I really dunno wat to do lately u becoming lk another gal instead of the gal i noe
15/11
Today is a good day infact i thot she change bk to the gal i noe coz she didnt do anything when i was playing game as i wanna lvl up so can play wif my bro. Her best fren jessica call her and ask her tml wanna go swim so she asked mi but earlier i hesitated but den again to mk up to her, i tried to mk time for her so she can swim in order to mk her happy.
At ard 6.40pm i went to the gathering frm my ns fren, had a wonderful buffet especially the wagyu beef it almost lk heaven although the beef is half raw and also salmon eat so much sia dunno later will hav stomach problem or nt hahaha...the whole gathering end at ard 10.20pm so i and my junior(JH) walk bk coz he taking a bus near my hm so same direction. So walk bk slowly den reached the bus stop waiting for his bus after a few mins his bus came but the bus didnt stopped for him so funny so had to wait for another bus so ended chitchat more hahaha...while waiting i rcvd her msg...den told her will reached hm ard 11pm den she dun seem happy coz wanted to eat dessert wif mi...so finally my junior bus came den i quickly rushed bk hm so she can eat her dessert but when reach hm she told mi later -.-...she become another gal again...why is she lk tat coz drinking koi but also giving mi attitude again haiz i dun really noe wat to do...cld hav been a happy but she ruin it again :'(
i'll owaes be here -
+11/15/2013 11:31:00 PM+
Friday, May 24, 2013
My heart suddenly feel so heavy, tear wanna rush out...y am i feeling tix again...
Being in a rs, its nt easy, tat y i always try my best to maintain it...probably i shldnt hav joke wif rs...
Time to fix tat feeling....
i'll owaes be here -
+5/24/2013 02:06:00 PM+
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Today was totally no mood...morning went to her fb read...and her instagram...den was rotting hald day...no mood to do anything....now chionging homework...taking a break to blog
How i wished she forgive mi for being such an idiot...her post stated that ppl say wont leave her yet they are still leaving...how i wished to comment on the post...but its seem tat she hasnt forgiven mi so ended up i leave a msg for her in instagram....i tink she saw it and make some post in fb(maybe)....i meant wat i say....u can msg mi no matter wat happened...i wanted to continue our friendship but if u wished not to talk to mi i wont forced u to talk to mi...
"She changed passcode and forgotten the passcode!" omg....how...feel like wanting to call and helped her but there nth i can do for her now...and tinking she probably wont picked up my call in anyway...saw her online in fb juz now and msg her...wanted to helped her but ended up no reply also....
well there is a tool to backup iphone thru another means... called "itool" it can backup app and saved data...i been using tat instead of itunes...
Lastly there nth more i can say....no matter what i do...i noe its too late to seek ur forgiveness and our friendship....but i meant wat i say....even if u dun believe mi...i cant do anything much...
and truly sorry coz i not good in handling this kinda of feeling...it kinda sux...
Hope you will always be happy ^^ even not knowing whether u will read it or not
signed off
shadowK
i'll owaes be here -
+2/17/2013 12:27:00 AM+
Friday, February 15, 2013
Ok practically i slept at 4am with too much tinking y she not replying mi and no result at all maybe i am too stupid...dun really noe how to handle such thing...
Ok so woke up at 10am as usual....go sch den lesson den meeting...today is a weird day for mi is lk i nv msg her or anything or maybe wan to leave her alone for now...or coz wat my fren told mi to do? Sometime i dunno why gals like to leave guy hanging...and they got emo coz of them but they do not tried to care at all...at least caring will make them feel better sometime...although i wont expect her to do tat...lol
Ok today was a tough day for mi trying to kp awake while having lesson...till 6 pm and den went to tanjong pagar there to eat ramen wif frens...eat the black spicy ramen i muz be crazy le eat spicy food...ok after food went home and tats it
Last this is for you...no matter what happened, u still can msg mi anything...be it if u wan to talk to someone or what...
Signed off
Shadowk
i'll owaes be here -
+2/15/2013 10:30:00 PM+
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Today i didnt really sleep much...was still awake by 6am...what happened in between was i sleep for awhile suddenly woke up again...slp for awhile den woke up again...fked up...dunno wat happening to mi liao probably knowing that today she gg out with someone cant really slp...heart too heavy le... :'(
At 6am, a fren has requested for mi to wake her up by calling her so i called her...den ended up...i tried to sleep again...finally sleep le den woke up again...sibei sianz...
Today wasnt a day for mi...i woke up and looking at facebook at her profile...non-stop den look at instagram....she was the one tat brought mi to instagram but now i all alone...only c her like my photo sometime...she like a photo of a necklace tat was supposed to giv out to her de but den again....looks like the necklace gonna stuck wif mi 4ever...
This necklace was supposed to give to my gf(if hav as an anniversary gift but guess it stuck wif mi) i got this necklace years ago when i was in poly last year during FYP in beijing. This necklace doesnt cost much but it caught my attention....since then its been with mi till now...but i change the necklace string(i think tat wat it was called) to a new one which cost ard 15bucks...coz was too small and tight...
In the morning i send a v day greeting, there is no reply at all...its rather sad...maybe she got tired of mi liao...all i wanted is to kp chatting wif her... and this is what i got when i treat someone so gd....
the distance is getting further and further...the hurt is getting deeper and deeper....how i wished i can facetime wif her lk last time....and we stayed the same...she say lets be fren first but how is tix like being fren...more like becoming stranger...no reply/one word reply...sometime one word reply is good but not always....does she really care about mi....i really dunno....maybe even if I go real missing one day she wont even noe or notice....
so today was a raining vday...good or bad...dampened my mood more...take mrt and go sch as usual....saw a couple playing infront of mi....really damn mood down le...probably coz i am single and envious of them where they hav each other to play with unlike mi...wanna dote someone also dun hav....so continued on reach kent ridge mrt den wait for shuttle bus...damn heavy rain....den reach central library....got tix promoter came up to mi and giv mi a balloon...i rej the balloon dunno y kana turned off more...went to buy mineral water den continued to lecture...great reach lecture hall 30mins early...wat to do...nth...looking at her fb....instagram....externally i happy for her...but internally i sad for myself...i guess i am juz nothing to her....life kinda sad when i am being treated this way....she may not know how i feel but this is how i feel....like a paper...being thrown away when used finish....juz like in poly gals talk to mi....den when used finish all dun talk to mi liao....how i wished she not tat kind of gal...hoping she still will be like last time msg mi facetime with mi....
Today lesson end at 4pm...but ended earlier and my fren seek my help for some module so stayed back and helped him...ended up at nearly 7.30pm...so we decided to go bugis+ and eat ramen champion...three guys(wat a joke...celebrating lonely day-2 no gf, 1 gf is oversea)...last time used to celebrate lk this during poly...but this is the second time....ate a ramen which is spicy and i didnt noe....haha guess...today my soul dunno go where liao....probably to her le bah....lately been lk tat...watever i do also cant focus....sch also cant focus...everything also cant focus....maybe one day walk cross the road also cant focus * touchwood* although tat happened to mi once....almost kana banged by car....
Chatted wif fren,they keep asking mi wat happened to mi....didnt tell them...they keep probing den i say is gal problem dunnid to worry...they ask another qn....den another and another....although i didnt tell them who she is....coz i supposed i dun wan them to bring inconvenience to her life...
left bugis+ ard 10+ den go home...but dun feel lk gg home...wanna roam ard the streets....i muz be crazy so late roam ard the streets....even if i roam....it doesnt matter to anyone....my life is already written if i foresee correctly....it shld be near le....
Lastly i start blogging the shitty day of my life....smile on the outside, sad on the inside...wearing fake mask everyday...dunno when then can dun wear this fake mask....
And this is a advice to all ppl out there...cherished what u have, dun regret not cherishing....dun be like mi....a dead feeling and being alive....
23 feb will she remember about it...and go out with mi...i really dunno...wanna talk to her...tell mi how.....
Signed off
ShadowK :'(
i'll owaes be here -
+2/14/2013 11:42:00 PM+
It is once again another year of valentine day alone...was hoping maybe this year will have someone to go out with yet i failed again...once again...a day to be alone and MIA...dunno if i should reply anyone tml or not...dun wan to spoilt their mood...anyway tml is juz another day for mi to go sch den go home...everytime watch the ppl on street always couple here and there kinda envious them...everytime c them...den hav a thought juz what is wrong wif mi...y am i alone....even relative also hav question for mi...how come u still single...i replied wat to do....("no gal will like mi")...haha haiz everytime ask the same thing not sianz meh....is like not i dun wan but is the other party dun wan i also no choice....plus its so hard to get a gf nowadays....wanna ask her out also so hard....everyday busy here and there or dun wan....i cannot do anything about it mah....
cycle(fren->hanging out->close fren->(if can)start dating->bgr)
but fren can also ended up stranger le like mi....it seems that now she not active with mi liao...i also cant do anything about...initially when we started chatting, she say she wont leave mi no matter wat, i wonder how true it is...guess nth is forever...and we almost chat everyday...
ppl change and forget about wat they say but not mi...i will scroll back to chatlist and look at the happy moments that we chat...even if facetime i also quite happy to be able to c her go to slp...now no more liao...i feel like a spare tyre...probably she will forget about mi again...
been consulting a fren, although the fren asked mi to move on, but i stubbornly silly waited for her....
She asked mi to wait for her to become pretty but probably i may not hav that much time to wait for her...
life mah so fragile u may not noe what will happened...even so if i hav time to wait, i dun wan to wait for something that has no promised result...
If you are reading this, i dun even noe whether u will read it or not...although i may not be able to do it but this is what i gonna do for you if we really become couple:
-Get couple ring with our name carved on it, one for you and one for mi.
-With this ring, i will make my promised not to leave you no matter what.
It may seems kinda silly but that wat i wanted to do for u..a promise...but it may never happened at all for now unless miracle happened...which i doubt so...
U may wondered why my world is filled of negativeness and despair...i got reason de and cannot say it...in my old blog i did mentioned about it b4 but its been deleted....
another week or so(23 feb) more to check up...dunno if i am thinking too much but seems i hav internal bleeding for two years le....hope i am wrong... :(
signed off
shadowK =(
i'll owaes be here -
+2/14/2013 01:39:00 AM+
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Lately i have fall in love with a gal, she wasnt tat pretty or ugly...can say above average abit...i have known her for quite long but there was a period we didnt chat coz of a misunderstanding between her and a fren of mine...i didnt noe what happened and didnt probe into it.... she was such a cute gal and fun to be wif....one day i started to msg her again...asking how is she...till i say i damn ugly no gal wan...she say she wan mi as a bf....i was so happy that there is a gal that say tat to mi...happiness only last shortly....i was actually considering whether wan her to be my gf....but i juz wanna hang out wif her...for now...suddenly dunno wat came over mi and i tell her that i like her...her reply was dun fall for mi....this rather broke my heart....she the one that helped mi move on from my past that haunt mi for 5yrs....and now probably will start a new haunt...totally heart broken when she say that...if its the past she worry about i wont mind...but she juz keep quiet and dun say anything...i noe that it is impossible to ask her to be my gf straight, nid to take one step at a time..tat time i was afraid to lose her...so ended up juz spilt everything out...from tat time on, we did continously msg almost everyday but now it seem tat she no longer continously reply to mi...sadded...
I guess I will juz eventually lose her....but i just wished her to be happy as i dunno when will my time be up...
Dun wan to c her sad...cing her sad also make mi sad....wanted to cheer her up ended up scare her angry...
12/02/2013
I have set alarm clock just to wake her up incase she overslept. Although i did spam her to wake up thru whatsapp i dun tink she c it...spam quite a few msg den she reply. After that no more...msg frm her...how i wished she will msg mi first once in awhile but i guess it wont happened...Vday coming soon...i wished to ask her out but i probably will not be in her considered list to go out wif so i can only juz leave it. Today went to fren hse play "21", started wif 20cent ended wif $1 so still okie...hahaha....
Now at home blogging this stuff, coz i feeling quite sad, wanted to post in facebook so as to let her c it but too many ppl will start to ask abt it and say dun emo le....so i rather post here as only i can c it for myself and no one and as a diary to myself.
Back to post, i have tried to ask her wanna hav dinner tgt but she say no...forever say no....i really missed her alot....so ended up today i eat dinner alone...and i wanted to msg her but didnt coz she wont reply to mi at all...probably reply to others...
Guess thats it for my post today...i shall go kill the feeling inside mi so i wont be tat xinku...
Signed off
ShadowK
i'll owaes be here -
+2/12/2013 05:56:00 PM+