Thought Cloud #23092015

I've spoken many times about the feeling that my life hasn't been filled with achievements and success.

The thoughts have lingered in my mind and sometimes they just sit there in the back and  other times they come rushing forward like a furious torrent.

Sometimes they sorta just prick me and at other times it feels like being set on fire.

Well,  I thought, why not make use of these feelings and perhaps put an end to "not being successful at life"?

First of all, it ain't that easy.

It comes and goes, like I said, and in varying degrees.

Any motivation I gain from it is gonna fluctuate like hell too. But I guess the lessons learnt can be applied all the time throughout my life.

Secondly, I'd always ask myself: what happened all those years? I still have no answer. I don't like to pin the blame on others especially for my own failures. I guess there were many outside factors that were out of my hands. Then again, lacking control of my life and a failure to nip things in the bud sorta led me to where I am right now.

I used to ignore problems and just hoped they'd go away. Strangely, it worked most of the time... but with consequences (duhh, right?). 

Even when I was forced to face the challenge, I always had some form of help. From someone, something or sometimes I just step up to the plate and finish the job I had to do.

It's not wrong to get help or be helped, but I feel that I need to be exponentially stronger in order to tackle problems that are more difficult in the future. And BOY will they come. In a freaking armada.

I'm freaking 25 years old. I ain't 15 anymore. I can't afford to slack off and play around like I could 10 years ago. And you know what? All those years of always slacking off and playing around is what got me here in the first place!

I'll admit that I cannot remember a time when I really focused on something and really gave a 100%. I have never been fully concentrated on ANYTHING. Not even in salat (prayers). I guess that's a daily struggle, but that's that. Danny boy gets distracted real easy and never gives all he has.

That's why all my endeavours and "achievements" have been anything but 100%. The only full mark I've ever gotten was for a Mandarin test/quiz in KINDERGARTEN when I was like what... 6? Why was I learning Mandarin anyway?! (Top 10 Facts About Danny You Didn't Know)

This even applied to things I'm good at. I knew that somehow I was better at these stuff and tragically I would just be like only 50% of my potential. 

Maybe I would've gotten somewhere if I'd tried a little bit harder.

Now at the 3rd point: what do I do to improve myself?

Give 100% to everything I do?

Stop fooling around and get serious?

Stop procrastinating and ignoring problems?

Fulfil my potential and settle for nothing less?

Stop talking about what I should do and actually do it?

Go figure, Dan the Man.