Look at the stars....

Look how they shine for you,

And everything you do.

Yeah, they were all yellow.

....

You know I love you so .

That picture up there? That's Maldives at night.

I hope I get to witness that with you one day.

It'll be my new dream. It'll be like the rainy night I've dreamt of.

Letting The Demons Back In.

Well, almost.

But I said, "Fuck No, you're not getting in."

And I try and try...

And it kinda worked.

I am SO VERY SCARED to have that feeling stuck in me again.

This is my last week of freedom and I want to be 100% fully functional and ready to tackle challenges.

I want both my body and mind to be up for it.

Especially my mind.

Nevermind if my body gives way...

But it is absolutely important that my mind is focused at the job.

Demons Vanquished?

Down the red flight of stairs... Nope.

Through CCK Central and to the overhead bridge to Lot 1... Nope.

Down the slope to the carpark....to the car... Inside the car... Nope.

Up the slope in the car, exit Lot 1, turn left... Nope.

Journey from CCK to house... Nope.

In the lift... Nope.

Through the common corridor, unlock gate and door, enter home... Nope.

Bathe and prayers... Nope.

Here I am, lying in bed, blogging on my phone... And still nope.

Have the demons inside me been finally vanquished?
This constant undescribable feeling of utter insatisfaction... Like something's not right/missing..
Is it finally gone?
I'll wait til' I wake up and spend the day tomorrow to know.
For now, my heart is at ease again.

Like the lesson I've learnt from the whole Shai episode...
Don't take any good for granted.
From now on, I shall not take peace at heart for granted.

I have yet to figure the reason behind my feelings...
But whatever you did and said tonight, baby...
It worked.
Maybe I really was not convinced that I made you happy. That the mission has been accomplished.
But once you said you were happy...
I realize I have nothing to be sad about..

And at that moment, you restored peace in my war- torn heart.

Perhaps....

I hope the demons really have fallen...
I want this happiness and satisfaction to last for as long as possible..
So that we can truly enjoy what we have right now,
Darling, if all goes well in this coming period of time... I see a very bright future ahead of us. :)

By the looks of things right now, all seems well!

But tomorrow is a new day.
I shan't make premature celebrations. I'll choose the road of caution.
But if tomorrow proves to be a day where I'm finally rid of this ball-and-chain,
Then I shall rejoice.
In these two weeks where the feelings would creep in every single day at different points of time,
and where it would make me stop functioning, stop enjoying stuff and losing appetite..

... One day without this shite?
Friggin' awesome.

If tomorrow goes well, then may the following days be great too.
So that we may be happy...
Enjoy what we have.
And when I finally go to serve the country,
It will all be in good terms.

Okay, my eyelids are like a ton each.

Time to sleep! Wish me luck.

Tonight I fell for your smile again and again..

Salvation and Relief.

I have a problem...

There are some days where I wake up...

Missing you soooo much, it actually hurts.

I'd go through the after-wake-up routine feeling like crap..

Feeling like the only thing I wanna do is to see you.

You know...I've never felt this way before...

I don't know how or why...

And it's strange too!

Like....the day before we could've spent a large part of the day together...

And when I wake up the next morning, BOOM it hits me.

Then I ask myself, how is this possible?

Some days, it gets worse...

I get the lump in the throat.

I have a question out there for you people....

How does one cope with missing somebody terribly? :(

I'll be going away for 5 days at a time soon...

I'm not afraid of the running, 200 push-ups a day, climbing up and down in full gear...

I'm afraid I'll miss you soooo much in there I just cannot function.

Well, actually I know what provides temporary relief...

I tried it myself just now actually.

Salawat and Zikir.

These are my salvation and relief.

Prayer.

For myself and her.

For my family and her's.

For peaceful and tranquil hearts.

Ya Allah,

Please continue to strengthen my heart to be as strong as hers...

Please be by my side when I am in need...

Verily you are the only one I can truly count on every time.

I will do my best.

And surrender to you.

I hope I do good.

Raw Fish With Some Rice? NICE!

One of my favourite foods: Sushi

And she got it for me!

Hahahaha!

WOOOOOOOOOOO!

To be honest, I was still full from the chicken quesadillas I just had...

But when I got home and got a bit hungry again...

I went like HELLZ FREAKIN' YEAH I HAVE SUSHI AT 12+ AM!

Then I nommed some...

Tomorrow (or should I say later) I'm gonna go hellz yeah again...

Thank you so much, baby.

I love the sushi.

and I love you so much.

*sigh* :)

Darling?

What's wrong? :(

Please explain to me why you feel this way, okay?

Whatever it is you wanna talk about, I'll be here for you.

I promise.

I will hate the time when I can't be there for you...

Remember, have faith, always hope and love whatever possible.

To end it on a good note: A sushi joke you probably heard before..

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

What's up, B?

It Ends Here.

Living in the past? No more.

I will take the lessons learnt..

Apply them to TODAY and TOMORROW.

I'm done with yesterday. Or should I say yesteryears?

Fuck who I was back then.

I am better, smarter and more aware of the mistakes I can make.

Living life with few regrets.

From now on, I shall not think of anything I cannot change.

I have some great times ahead of me...

In fact, this is the best phase of my life so far...

Everything's alright...
Everyone's health...

And I found someone special.

Sorry everyone....


In other news, my HP 'enter' button works now!!!!!

AWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Can I Bludgeon Myself To Death?

Seriously, can I?

DAN, WHAT'S THE FUCKING USE OF YOU,

THINKING OF THE WHAT IFS,

THINKING OF WHAT YOU SHOULD'VE DONE,

THINKING OF WHO YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN,

DONKEY FUCKING YEARS AGO?

SERIOUSLY, IT'S FUCKING PISSING ME OFF

TONIGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BANTER WITH YOUR SIS AND DARLING

BUT NO

YOU WERE TOO BUSY THINKING OF THE ABOVE

TRYING HARD TO CHANGE STUFF YOU CAN'T

JUST FUCKING STOP IT

KAU PAT PRIMARY SCHOOL KENTAL.

KAU PAT SECONDARY SCHOOL KENTAL.

KAU PAT POLYTECHNIC KENTAL.

GET OVER IT, FUCKFACE

GO TO SLEEP.

TOMORROW, I DON'T WANT THIS HAPPENING AGAIN.

KNNBCHEEBYE.

FUCKING ANNOYING.

PEOPLE TRYING TO LEPAK, TRYING TO CHAT...

YOU GO THINK OF NONSENSE..

FUCK YOU LA.

Always the one person who pisses me off greatly is myself.

EH FUCKFACE

YOU BETTER NOT BE KENTAL IN NS

OR ELSE

YOU JUST GO AND DIE LA

SERIOUSLY

USELESS FUCK

I NEED TO VENT THIS

I WILL DELETE THIS

AIEEEEEEE.....*crash* *fuzzy*

BOOM!

I.

Just.

Fell.

Harder.

Darling, you're so cute you warm my heart.

So lucky to kiss your pretty face.

I have this special hug I wanna give you like right NOW, but I can't coz you're not here.

And if I save it for later, it'll get lemau.

Hahaha!

Just in case you're wondering...

These feelings didn't come outta nowhere. :)

It had it's origins.

*High-Five*

My darling, it's so freaky how we're so similar at times!

What was it again?

Sleese shoes?

Eagle house?

Wore a watch?

and a bunch of other stuff?!

Hahahaha!

High-fives all around!

Although I don't believe too hard on the whole "opposites attract" thing... I believe differences are important. It's what makes us all unique.

And sometimes our "uniqueness" (read: weird haahahah) is the one that sparks the charm.

I love how you're able to easily see the good in people so easily. It's a noble quality.

Leading you to crush on everybody! Awwwwwww hahaha!

For me, I tend to notice people's bad side first. I don't know why...maybe I'm programmed like that.

Every time I see a guy I don't know looking at me, I tend to get hostile.

Maybe that's why I'm cautious at first when meeting certain people.

I gotta admit.... I sometimes do judge people before meeting them. :(

Leading to me being surprised. A lot.

Mehhhhhhh......

Although we seem to have a lot in common....[ even the little things :) ], I believe we are different enough to fit snugly.

I'm Dan.

You're Nad.

There's a start! :D

The rest, we'll find out in time.

Meanwhile, please stop kaypo-ing me.

Hahahahha!

OH THE DAYS

Oh My God.

I seriously nostalgia'd much today.

Went back to NP with my darling today! :)

Ate at Makan Place and ordered the "yuge" (short for "usual")...

BREAKFAST SET!!!!!!!!!! HELLZ FREAKIN' YEAH.

The minute I sat down having that with her... my gosh...

All the memories flowed back hard... the FYP times with my buddies...

Wan, Apen and Hisham...

And the others.... (I've not forgotten any of you guys, you all fucking rock)

Then summore I went back to the Aerospace block....

There's a HELICOPTER IN THERE NOW WTF! ARGH!

Then I met with my T.S.O (technical supervising officer) Mr Teo..

At first I scared he doesn't remember me anymore... but he did!

My heart was warmed. Hahahaha!

lol.

Sad to hear the other Mr Teo was sick. :(

Walking around NP summore... started to get flashbacks in my head...

Happy times, sad times, jealous times (due to the bike guys hahaha)...

Damn.

Then I missed my 1G02 comrades so much...

Why is it that when I wanna meet you guys, I'm busy? :(

I cannot believe 2007 was FOUR years ago. FOUR.

That's like Sec 1 to Sec 4.

Time, please slow down.

I don't wanna grow old that fast. :(

Time, please slow down. I beg of you. I want these 2 weeks to be the longest ever...

Wow....

If I nostalgia'd hard at Poly...

I wonder how I'll do when I go back to Unity...

I haven't gone back for so long.

Also... there's a strange feeling when I was there with you. How it was when the flashbacks were running in my head and you weren't there. But when I look at you, I think of my future. And you're always there.

Rise and Shine! Not..

8:30am - woke up

8:31am - miss you

and it's not just the empty feeling kind...

its the one that hurts a bit too. :(

Awwwww man....

But....but....but I spent a little more time than I usually do with you yesterday...

*sigh*

Today's gonna be a long day and this won't help me function properly....

Honestly, I'm worried for myself.

Guess I'll be spending most of today flipping my wallet open again and again.

*sigh*

I love you. So much.

14 days...

Notches On The Memory.

Well, today was a complete disaster of planning, ain't it?

Hahahahaha!

It was almost impossible to plan the day at all....

When all I wanted to do was be with you and I didn't care what we do.

We could be sitting down stoning and I'd still be very happy. Hahaha!

True.

Anyways, when I saw the old pictures of you, it sent a flood of emotions and memories running through me..

Thinking of the innocent times when we were little...

Thinking of how close my cousins were to each other back then...

Thinking of the carefree lives we led as little kids with nothing much to worry about.

*sigh*

P.S: You guys are freaking cute....the whole lot of you... but can't beat my cousins! NYEH NYEH. hahahhaha lolcakes.

And you were such a pretty girl. And still is. :)

And then we told stories of our secondary school lives...

How I wish I was SO MUCH MORE back then.

Really? It hurts badly how much I sucked. lol.

And I keep thinking and thinking....

What would it have been to have met you?

Then again, if our paths had crossed earlier, we probably wouldn't be where we are now.

And where we are now's FREAKING AWESOME.

But then I think again... (and this is so silly hehe),

What if our paths crossed earlier and we still end up together?

All I did was like..... woahhhhhhhhh *stares into eternity*

Hahahaha shut up, Danny.

As much as travelling back in time today made me think of the old days again,

Today itself carved a notch in my memory.

Spending those hours with you, simply wonderful.

And then some time with your family as well....made me feel so at home.

Today was awesome and I won't forget it!

YOU MAKE THE THIRD BEST MILO I'VE EVER TASTED...

1st: ME LOL

2nd: MY MOM

3rd: YOU!!! <----- LOL

Making good Milo is one of the prerequisites of a good wife for me. LOL!

Another one would be cooking some mean AYAM MASAK MERAH.

*tick*

Hehehe!

OKAY BYE!

15 days....

Circuits Blown.

My dear sweet love,

Your pain? I feel it too.

I can honestly say that some essence of the pain you've been feeling all this while,

I have it inside me too.

Now I look back....

It all makes sense to me now. Why it's so hard to recover.

Why you spend sleepless nights..

Why you cry..

Why it's just SO hard.

I haven't slept a wink.

I haven't cried so hard for so long.

Now I truly know what it feels to be haunted by the past.

I cry....

I cried because I imagined how painful it must be.

But I'm glad.

I'm really glad we share this pain.

It's easy to give advice to people...

To give encouragement...

Without knowing the true extent of the problem.

I told you I kept my heart open. I did.

And so that is how it feels to have your worst fears come true.

Why do I love you more?

I just found out what a really strong person you are.

From the outside, it would appear you are weak.

But actually, you are strong. Stronger than me. Stronger than most other people.

To put up with such pain without "giving up".

Masha-allah..... such is your strength!

Last night, I could barely make it.

You know what?

It's better you shared with me now.

I really would have no idea how future me would've done.

But I don't think it would be good.

One more thing.

As of yesterday, all my deep-rooted inner problems were wiped off. With one fell swoop.

My problems are so petty it isn't even worth my time thinking.

And you helped me solve my deepest problem..... forever.

But with this purge, Allah has presented me a challenge.

To train my heart to be as strong as yours.

Challenge accepted.

It would take me a while to return to normality...

But I'll start working on it immediately.

and...

I'm sorry if my love scares you.

Remember, Allah is always by your side. His Love for you transcends that of mine and even your mother. He is what gave you your strength. Surrender to Him and he will give you tranquility in your heart, as He promised. The past can't be changed but you have the present to mould your future. The great thing about making mistakes, no matter how large some of them are, is that you can learn from them and that you can ask for forgiveness and Insya'allah, they will be forgiven. We are humans after all.

There must be a reason he kept you so strong all this while, my darling.

It seems that He has great plans for you.

Adorable.

A cute, heartwarming smile...sometimes with a tinge of mischief... >:)

A pair of cheeks that just beg to be pinched..... and kissed... ;)

A pair of unassuming eyes.. 8)

A most amusing and contagious laugh.. :D

Your amazing hair! ME GUSTA :O

Darling....when you take out your braces, you're just gonna get prettier...

(Oh yeah I keep forgetting to tell you this: Did you know when I first saw you with braces, I really thought you looked cute? I wanted to tell you, but I was too shy. HAHAHA :X)

Sometimes I look at girls and I go like Y U NO APPRECIATE OWN BEAUTY-

But then again...there's nothing and no-one to blame..

I think people are blind to their own beauty by default. It's just up to us to learn to appreciate how Allah has created us.

Maybe Allah set our minds that way so that we may be humble and always remember that any of our gifts.... be it stunning beauty or physical prowess, could be taken away with just a snap of a finger.

Yeah sure, this face looks like the dark side of the moon and that I'm not chiselled blah blah blah... but I'm grateful to Allah that he has created me with no defects and that I look absolutely fine. Though, I'm more concerned about my build and therefore my ability to protect my loved ones should the need arise. But that's another story. And it has a happy ending.

Sometimes we keep looking at how lucky other people are that we forget how lucky we are ourselves.

Darling, you haven't it seen yet but you are a such pretty girl. I just picture you in my head and I can't help but smile to myself, because I feel so lucky to have you.

As The Days Pass.

It's just gonna get harder each time to say goodbye.

I'm not afraid of change.

I'm afraid of too much change.

*pats back*

Danny.

Danny, Danny, Danny boy.

Silly ol' Dan.....

Don't do anything stupid out there, alright?

Don't forget to use your head. God gave you that brain for something.

With it, you should exercise some caution.

I know you're a very reckless person.

Don't kill yourself by accident.

Danny...

You poor bastard.

Less Than Three....TONS OF IT!

You just have no idea how much I love you, do you?

I love you enough to do stuff I'd never imagine me doing.

Sometimes I'm afraid for myself for how much I love you.

Any idea yet? =X

My Best.

Is all I have to give.

I'll do my best and let God do the rest.

Promise you'll do the same?

Let it rest, darling.

I'm gonna hate the time when I can't be there for you.

So whatever we have right now....

Let's treasure it.

Don't give up now.

Or ever.

We'll learn to love ourselves..... and each other, at the same time.

We'll learn to deal with our pasts and accept them.... and start living the present to the fullest.

If we can't deal with our problems individually, perhaps we can do it together? :)

I don't have much more free time.

I have less than a month before I begin a new era in my life...

Before I leave my young and carefree life,

I wanna let it go off with how I started it...

Happiness.

So fuck all my sadness, depression, insecurities and sloth.

It ain't gonna be easy....

But like I said,

I'll do my best and let God do the rest.

Please Forgive Me.

Ya Allah...

Most Gracious and most Forgiving...

I know why I'm going nowhere......

I know why my efforts seem futile.....

I know why deep inside I'm still absolutely burning with anger.....

Please forgive me, Ya Allah, for I have strayed yet again.

But could you answer some questions for me?

Everything seem fined til' that day.......

I was satisfied with everything that's going on......

But then you took it all away......

And I haven't gotten it back......

The way things were......

Why?

I hope your answers come to me soon in my contemplations.

Please, Ya Allah, I just want to know sooner rather than later......

Because it's driving me crazy......

Thinking how things would've been right now if those events hadn't transpired.....

I feel like my hard work had been destroyed just like that overnight.....

*sigh*

I'd just have another go at it, then.

This time with more force, more effort.

I have strayed.

It's time for me to forget my problems on earth.

For just one day.

and...

I'm sorry, darling. I really am.

I can't help but feel like a failure.

But don't worry about me....

I'll be stronger.

For me, for you and for the good times.

BOOM. It Hit Me.

As I delve deeper to understand your thoughts,

on why they're so negative sometimes,

I've come to realize it could be,

a bunch of factors,

contributing and,

eventually,

leading...

To all this.

What I realized is that your heart was broken not years ago, but barely a year ago.

It's definitely gonna take more time, especially for a person who's in touch with her feelings.

Another thing I realized is that you are missing a huge chunk of love. A love only a father is able give. Can I fill in those shoes?

Definitely not.

Finally, you are missing yet another huge chunk of love. A love only you yourself is able to give. Yes, you heard me.

Sayang, before you start loving anybody else, you HAVE to love yourself. It's compulsory.

It's like one of the hadiths that says, "You love Allah S.W.T? Love your fellow being first."

To love what's beside you (or in your case, inside you) before you start loving anything greater.

The most dangerous kind of hatred is the hatred for oneself.

I've hated myself for some of the things I do, but then I tell myself, "NO, I'm better than this" and then I stop doing some of those things. If I'm lucky, Allah bails me out so I don't have to face the punishment immediately.

I'm having problems with my self-confidence, but I'm getting it back. I'm starting to feel like me once again. Then perhaps only then can I concentrate the rest of my love for you.

My dear sweet love, your life is precious. So very precious. Even when you lose absolutely everything you have in this world but you still have your life, it's not over by a long shot. You won't and never will ever get a choice whether you continue living or not. The legal choice is with Allah.

I'm sure you know very well what happens if you die and you're not prepared for the hereafter.

So here's what I'm hoping you do...

Stop thinking about whether your life stops or not..

Start loving yourself..

And continue recovering from your disaster.

And here's what I'll do...

I won't stop loving you, no matter how you try to push me away...

I won't stop, til you're happy...

Whether it's with me or with someone else.

What's my motivation?

The fact that you won't be sad forever.

I'm At Work!!!!!11one!!!

Hey dudes it's not busy here I'm finding time to blog when I'm working.... and I'm working at an eatery! But too bad my handphone doesn't allow me to press 'enter' so I could skip a new line or make paragraphs. ALSO IF I PRESS THE CAPS BUTTON ONCE, IT WON'T LET ME GO BACK TO SMALL LETTERS. it'S fUCKIN aNNOYING. OH WELL. BETTER THAN NOTHING. SO WHAT IS IT LIKE HERE RIGHT NOW? tHERE'S TWO CUSTOMERS EATING OUR LUNCHTIME PROMOTIONS.... AND THAT'S ABOUT IT. MY MANAGER ALSO BORED PLAYING WITH HIS PHONE.... MY OTHER COLLEAGUE FROM CHINA IS HAVING SORE THROAT BUT STILL MUST COME TO WORK. TODAY HIS OFF DAY ALSO MUST COME. POOR THING. I'M STARTING TO NOTICE THE ALARMING NUMBER OF FEMALES COMPARED TO MALES IN THE MALL CROWD. SERIOUSLY WHERE THE HELL ARE THE DUDES? ALL SERVING THE NATION MEH? LOLOLOLCAKES! I TYPE THIS FOR SO LONG AND NOBODY'S BEEN SNIFFING AROUND OUR AREA... ALL WALKING PAST. POOR BOSS... ALWAYS NOT BUSY AROUND HERE.... I WONDER IF HE'LL SHOW UP AS WE ARE ALL SLACKING, WAITING FOR CUSTOMERS.. HAHAHAHA. *SIGH* NOW I'M MISSING MY PUNADBUTTERSCOTCHBUSOKCUTESAYANG LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HOPE YOU'RE DOING GREAT AT SCHOOL! AND PLEASE PROTECT YOUR HP SO PEOPLE DONT READ MY KEJU MESSAGES. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M LAUGHING TO MYSELF AT THE COUNTER. NO WONDER NOBODY COMING, GOT ONE KUKU BIRD HERE SMILE,SMILE ALONE. OKAY CUSTOMER WENT OFF TIME TO CLEAR TABLE. BRB. OKAY BACK. NOW HANDS DIRTY... TYPING ON HP...FARK.. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE KUKU PEOPLE COMING INTO OUR PLACE.... THEN gO OUT COZ THEY ACTUALLY WANTED TO GO E.A.T. DUMBASSES. OKAY LAZY TYPE ALREADY. WANNA MAKE MYSELF USEFUL. SEE YA AROUND DUDES. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT DAY! EDIT: THERE'S AN EGG THAT'S SHAPED LIKE A BOOB! PICS LATER. STAY TUNED FOR BOOBS. HELLZ YEAH LOLOL

Laptop edit: BOOB EGG PIC

Dude.... GTFO!

Yay..... Danny from 2007's back.

Stupid ol' Danny who thinked too much.

Who couldn't enjoy the great company he has right in front of his face.

Whose brain was empty most of the time.

Who lost his sense of humour.

Who was fucking lame.

Seriously. Get. The. Fuck. Out. NOW.

Grrrr.....

Where the fuck's my self-confidence...and warmness...

How the hell did I lose it just like that..

It used to be easy to talk to people not long ago.

But now....all the hesitation...the disgust... argh.

*sigh*

It was great while it lasted.

Talk To Me, Tell Me~

Nad,

I'm pretty sure I told you already...

That my heart is always open for you.

I quote myself from my post at the beginning of the year:

If you have anything you wanna tell me,

Anything you wanna share,

Don't hesitate one bit.

Please understand this.

My heart has always been open.

For you, they open even wider.

You wanna know why my heart opens wider for you?

Because sometimes I have absolutely no idea what's going inside that heart of yours.

The only way I can know is when you express it yourself.... whether consciously or subconsciously through your body language. Even then, I only know whether it's positive or negative.

Today I saw through your smile. I saw a lot of turmoil and uncertainty. Did I see right? I'll never know. But I'm sure of it.

Nad.... to say I'm scared to lose you now is an understatement. It is a thought that runs through my mind every day. You saw yourself.... at how I panicked at an innocent joke.

We're on the same boat. You're scared to lose me and I'm scared to lose you.

Don't say I deserve better. How can I deserve better when you're the best for me right now? When you're the only girl I want to be with? The only girl other than my family that I offer my special love and concern?

My dear Nad, whether you're happy, mad, sad or whatever you're feeling, I still wanna see you. I still wanna be there beside you, talking to you and just hanging out. I'll take you at your worst AND your best. If you're happy, we laugh. If you're sad, then we'll talk it out. If you cry, I'll be there with a hug and my shoulder. If you have something on your mind, then we'll sit and ponder together. It doesn't matter at all. All that matters is you're there beside me and I can get to know you better.

All I'm trying to say is that I wanna be there with you whether you're up or down. I'm prepared for your worst times and your best.

I won't give up on you. I SWEAR.

But if you give up on yourself, there's nothing I can do except try harder.

Nad, please understand...

If there's anything you want to tell me, please don't hesitate.

My heart's always open for you.

Don't wait too long...

And....

I'm glad you liked your popcorn. :D Hehe it's nothing big but I hope I made your day. :) Thanks for the kisses :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD woooooooooooooooooot

STATUS REPORT!

Played soccer as usual today,

But then...

Played without my knee guards.

Any pain or discomfort after game? Nope!

Hellz yeah!

Didn't feel out of breath after running around for just 5 mins.

Hot damn!

No awkward, no-link-to-football shoulder pains.

Awesome!

No lower back pains after game.

De - wait for it - lightful! Delightful.

I'm not there yet by a long shot, but it's good to know baby steps are being taken.

I CAN DO THIS SHITE!

Z.

Ah hah!

Caught you red uhhh..... (mouthed?) dreaming of some guy's body while half-asleep!

While next to me summore!

I'm disappointed. :(

Hehe just jokin'.

Can I blame ya?

The ol' brain's been empty these days.

And you're so tired and I keep staying there late again..

*sigh*

Sorry I put ya to sleep.

Hey, at least I'm good at that, eh?

Hahahaha!

*POOF*

Yesterday was pure magic.

For the first time, all I thought about was the present.

What was happening now and now alone.

The time being with you to be exact.

Are you a magician?

You made the thoughts of my past and future disappear for a moment.

And it felt great. Like a weight off my shoulders.

I love you more now.

:)

Friend....

Eh hello...

Please lah.

Why today you disturb me?

KNN!

You disturb me for most of my life so far already...

Caused me so much trouble...

You this bastard.

ALWAYS YOU KNOW.

Sometimes I get so sick of you I heck care about you already.

But this really cannot continue!

I managed to ignore you for the past few months,

But now you come and disturb me again...

Aiyo......dulan sia.

One day I will need you and you better be there.

Or else I die! Hahahaha!

But for now,

Please go away.

I don't want to see your face.

Keep on disturbing me while I'm happy.

My this sickening friend.

Simple Joys.

Met up with my work colleagues for some grub.

Fuckin' awesome.

You know, as much as I like complex, well thought-out outings, sometimes the simple gatherings are the ones which are most fun and relaxing.

*sigh*

This gathering made me think of how much I'm gonna miss you guys and how much I'm gonna miss working at Jalapeno's...

The all-black counter/kitchen...

Knowing what lies behind every nook and cranny...

Just standing there bored when it's not busy.

Awwwwww man. :(

So lucky to get such an awesome job and meet awesome people.

And find you among those people. :D

Just gotta hang out with you guys more often...

and take tons of pics!

And the Comm book?

Nobody's realized it, but that book will be absolutely priceless when we all eventually split up. :(

Meanwhile, let's just enjoy each other's company. :)

Here's to boss, our chefs, our all-black interior and exterior, the part-time crew and the delicious deserts. *clink*

I'm gonna miss all this. Very badly.

Danny: The Half-Boiled Egg.

Damn.

Sometimes I look at others. Then back to myself.

Then to others again. Then back to myself again.

Okay you get the point...

I've always asked myself, "How can some of these people who aren't much different from me, achieve much more than I ever had?"

"What do they have that I don't?"

I've found the answer.

They have drive. I don't.

You see, in everything I do so far, I haven't been trying my best.

Football, cycling, guitar, studies...

I'm always looking at other people and going "how the fuck this guy get so good?"

Then I think really hard.

I'm not bad.... but I ain't good in it either..

I'm just half-way. Just like everything I do.

Always with lots of room for improvement but never filling it up.

One lazy fuck.

I'm gonna do something about it........

STARTING WITH TRYING TO GET FIT FOR NS!

I Feel You Man.

Urhhhh.....................

How Marshall was first day without Lily.

I feel it too....

It just sucks that I'm spending my last month of freedom,

Not with you most of the time...

How I Met Your Mother rocks!

School's Back.

Hey, listen to me...

I get phases where I'm feeling too lazy to socialize/talk/interact with people. Mostly at work.

You have them too?

It's quite normal. :)

Like I said...

It would've been selfish of me to take your school nights.

I will try my best to keep away from them.

I don't want to take up too much of your time...

As much as I want to spend every single moment from here on with you,

You got stuff you need to do and I don't want you not being able to finish schoolwork coz I always wanna hang out.

School and NS will keep us apart, but may it never tear us apart.

It's a pity that we have to go through the test of time so early and so fast. :,(

But...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. :)

I can ensure you.... my love for you is real. It's just that I haven't proven it I guess.

Stop worrying dear....

And have fun in school!

:,)

I love you too.

ASDASDASDASDASD!

There it goes again...

All of a sudden, I miss you terribly.

And just a random thought...

I love your hair.

I really do.

I think you look beautiful.

Did I mention cute too?

Hahahahaha....heehee

3+am and I'm crazaye.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to wake at up 9 for some football action.

AHHHHH why do I miss you so badly suddenly?

Is it coz school's starting soon and time's getting shorter? :(

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Uhhhhhhhh.........

I think I'm going nuts. In a positive way! Hahaha! lololol

EH!

Don't think I didn't see what you typed.. :)

It's okay...

I didn't say the process was instantaneous and I didn't assume it either.

I also didn't say it's compulsory.

If you feel it should be that way...

So be it.

I still love you anyway!

Byeeee!

haahahahahahaha

Easier Said Than Done.

I know it's probably hard, perhaps bordering on impossible...

But please try not to hate.

Hatred is what prevents people from enjoying life.

Hatred is what kills thousands of people every day around the world.

Storing hatred and grudges in your heart will turn it black.

See what happened to our friend? See what bottled-up rage and grudges did to him?

It's like a fuel inside you..... waiting to be ignited.

And Satan's suggestions will be the spark.

The inferno in your heart will burn it..... burn it til' it becomes black.

It's not worth it, is it?

Do you want to one day, do what he did? Hurt people without a care?

Don't do that mistake.

You must realize.... sometimes you get angry at or hate a person...

You might hurt others too...

What our friend posted on Facebook was aimed at you, but it hurt me like hell as well.

You know how I reacted when he posted what he posted?

I choked. I went WHAT THE FUCK aloud. Lucky the door was closed.

After that my heart was racing. How is she going to react to this? Is she okay? Is she crying?

I checked your blog. Sure enough, you were hurting.

I got up and thought of driving down there to see what I can do. I wanted to hug you tight until you were okay.

Alas, the car keys were with my Dad. I cursed my luck.

So I went back to my lappie, trying to counsel Shai like "Why you so angry all of a sudden? you okay?"

"Dude, what you did there wasn't cool. Wasn't cool at all. Have you any idea what you did?"

At this point I am extremely disappointed.

Immediately my thoughts of my friend Shai, who smiles all the time, who helped me so much (get a job....which led me to meeting you), who spent time with me playing football and cycling, an overall awesome guy...

Flew outside the window.

I typed and erased. Again and again. But in the end I just gave up. I thought...with the devil still in his mind, he probably would react poorly against anything I had to say.

So all I could do is just lie there and be mindfucked beyond my ..... mind.

I felt helpless. I had absolutely no idea what I should do/say.

Blah blah blah blah ya da ya da ya da ....... fast forward to next year... (lol)

Here we are.... in this somewhat tense situation.

My dear sweet love, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes when you hate someone it could hurt someone you don't.

I know somewhere in your heart, you really don't wanna hate him.

What he did to you, he deserves your hatred. But don't give that to him.

Give him your smile, your forgiveness and your offer for peace.

That's what our beloved Rasullallah (SAW) would've done.

You don't have to look far for inspiration.

Look at your cousin.

She's amazing. She forgave him twice for a mistake much, much, much grave.

She truly is a wonderful person. I hope our friend realizes that.

I know it's hard. I know that and I acknowledge that you will probably take time to recover from what's happened...

Let's forgive and forget. I'm ready to forgive him. Promise me you'll forgive him the minute he says he's sorry?

I love the whole lot of you. Don't you guys know how much joy you all brought me these past few months? I don't want to lose anyone.

Dear, it's easier said than done.... or should I say easier typed than done (lol),

But it's entirely possible.

Remember kids,

Hatred is bad!

and stay away from drugs.

MMXI

Holy freakin' shite.

It's 2011.

and I didn't even feel 2010 happening!

Hahaha....new year, same story.

Time doesn't fly. It doesn't zoom either. It's going on fucking hyperspace.

Sure I'll spend most of this year and the next serving the country....

So I think time will really go slow for the next two years. Hahaha!

Time goes fast when you're having fun. Well, it's been a fun 21 years.

Although things don't look too bright for 2011 and 2012....

I really hope I do enjoy the experience in NS.

It's a new stage. A new environment. It's gonna need some getting used to, but in the end I always do.

Now, when I turn around and look at the past few years,

I really feel satisfied with myself.

I realize all that I wanted to accomplish, I've somewhat did.

Work at a job for a long period of time...

Earn my first 2k...

Get my license...

Drive the Ferrari...

Play lots of football...

Fall in love...

Buy the stuff I want... (even though some of them are stupid...learnt the hard way again hahaha)

Well.... 2011 is a new year.

New aims.

New targets...

MORE ACHIEVEMENTS TO UNLOCK.

ONE MORE FUCKING YEAR TO KICK ASS!

.......

Or potentially get my ass kicked.

Why? Because I Care.

Yes, you have your problems and insecurities.

But who hasn't?

All I want is for you to be happy.

If your happiness were on the summit of Mount Everest,

then I'll do whatever it takes to get it to you.

You see, I don't get sick of things I love.

For example,

Football.

Milo.

You.

I'll never get sick of you. But I'll get sick if there's never you. (LOLWTF)

Anyways,

I care a lot about you.

I just wanna take care of you.

Please don't be afraid of losing me.

Like I said, you've safely secured my heart.

The only ways I'll leave you is,

If you purposely break my heart,

Or I died.

Tonight was very hard for me to get through.

So many things running in my mind.

When I saw your tears again,

I know I have a lot of work to do,

To build your happiness.

If you have anything you wanna tell me,

Anything you wanna share,

Don't hesitate one bit.

Please understand this.

My heart has always been open.

For you, they open even wider.

Oh yeah..... free access to hugs 24/7. Free flow. Sincere and full of love guaranteed. Non-exchangeable for cash.

All in all, I just want you to know.

I care a lot about you.

I want you to be happy.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll never leave you.

I love you.

...

and remember my hugs aren't exchangeable for cash!