The women of Trengganu rejoice!

Hurrah for the raped victims of Trengganu who no longer have to lug four male muslim witnesses wherever they go to exonerate themselves from failed rape accusations!

Just take the case of poor Fatimah, who only had three out of the four male muslim witnesses she required before she can accuse her perpetrator without being stoned. It didn't help that they were part of the crew gang-raping her of course. Luckily she was only scheduled to be stoned after her rape counselling session last sunday which was postponed in lieu of the elections. Praise Allah!

But unfortunately for Meena of Kelantan, she will have to continue living in her refigerator indefinitely, in fear of the rape that could befall her for forgetting where she left her tudung.

Are your activities against public interests?

The recent plans to organise several PLU-themed forums have been unceremoniously canned by our dear men-in-blue of the Public Entertainment Licensing Unit.

They cite this as reason: 'the forums would be contrary to public interest'

{Which, unbeknownst to the organisers, happen to be cross-stitch and line-dancing at the moment.

Damn! Just when I was about to enrol in a Hip-hop dance class!}

Why are you building a world-class entertainment venue for us! We demand to be second-grade citizens!

Just yesterday there was an anouncement from parliament that there are plans to create an up-market resort at the miniscule southern islands off Sentosa. Plans which do not exclude the possibility of a casino.

Skip to the sterile, non-Restricted(Artistic)-movie-watching, non-explicit-advertisement-seeing, non-oral-sex-practising heartlander:

'Yeah I think there might be some problems because the economic situation nowadays is very bad. And... and there are people who are bankrupt who might try their luck at the casino if it is so accessible.'

Skip to idiotic primate who calls itself a minister:

'If a casino is built, don't worry because we are not going to market it to Singaporeans. There will be hurdles... hurdles to prevent locals from easily getting into the casino. For those without money, don't even think about getting in. They should just stick to their 4D and TOTO.'

Apparently in Singapore, when you want to disciminate against a sizeable part of your own population, there is no need to be subtle. Some of them will even ask for it.

I call it elitism. They call it tourism.

Ketamine gives you the coordination of ah Gong. Don't let drugs make you look stupid.

Ok, now I may not be the most fillial and confucianistic person in our lovely 'traditional conservative asian chinese and not-to-mention anal' city-state, but are the recent anti-drug abuse TV ads offensive or what?

I could just imagine a little boy watching this with his entire family saying out loud: 'Eeee... drugs will make me look stupid like ah Gong...' And dear ah Gong immediately dying of a coronary.

My dear ah Ma and late-ah Gong may not be the sharpest pencils in the box in their ripe old age, but I still do respect them with my 'non-traditional', 'un-chinese' and irreverent ass. Not so much because of my inexistent confucianist values but more because they are my love ones and they just so happen to be in the category we label as the aged.

I hope the campaigners don't think that just because some of the aged have bad coordination and memory, they can't grasp the offensive content of the ads.

Oh, or perhaps this could be a wry jibe at a certain 80 year old founding father of Singapore who refuses to retire graciously and have fun at Zouk the rest of his days.

Sorry I'm Asian, I've no time for this. I need to go birth children.

{Today, I've finally discovered my life purpose, so I will no longer have time to partake in this deviant lifestyle. I'm a good traditional Asian after all, I should be BIRTHING CHILDREN! YOU SHOULD TOO if you are ASIAN!}

(NB: I call these {} the 'Brackets of Satire')

I have had enough of Singapore's contradictory, high-handed, inane governance and the idiot MPs that come with it!

'YOU must learn to be more INDEPENDENT! YOU cannot rely on US to provide YOU with EVERYTHING! WE cannot pay for the windows that WE built (that unfortunately are now breaking) but now belong to YOU! That's YOUR duty! YOU must stop pulling on OUR apron strings!

By the way, it is MY duty to inform YOU that it is also YOUR 'traditional conservative asian chinese and not-to-mention anal' DUTY to BIRTH CHILDREN FOR THE NATION!'

Why is it not our government's duty to provide us with anything other than censorship and anal (literally and figuratively) laws?

I might have at some point in history mentioned that the PAP party whip in Parliament should be lifted to encourage a more democratic system. Well I take it back! Some of the MPs do deserve to be whipped and flogged!

Singapore MPs are bona fide idiots and I believe there is no changing that if Singaporeans keep NOT voting for them at every election! (For the benefit of the uninitiated, nearly all wards in Singapore were won by walk-overs aka no-contest default wins. Thus at least Singaporeans can still pride ourselves of the fact that we are not the ones who allowed the primates into Parliament.)

Sunday Times - 'Should they be dating?' Well it's none of your fucking business is it?!

To add continuity to my 'Anal Singaporean' series, here is another great examplar (but i'm sure there'll be many more to come).

The Sunday Times, with it's boundless journalistic professionalism, has decided to publish in its 'gen y' section today an article about an online debate pertaining to whether a neighbourhood boy should be dating an RGS girl. This online debate started when a certain netizen mentioned how her RGS friend is dating a neighbourhood schooler.

Views ranged from 'Yes! Because at the end of the day we are all from the same education system' to 'No! People should stop desperately trying to climb the social ladder because the higher you go the more inferior you'll feel'.

From the article, it seems everyone has an opinion. Why hasn't anyone stop to think 'How is this my problem?' The point of the article is totally moot since it is none of all of your fucking business so PISS OFF!

If you are wondering why there is no humour in today's diary entry, that's because i'm really pissed at this. Perhaps I'll write a forum letter...

'Bare-chested men will make your children GAY!!!'

Recently, MDA went down hard (for lack of better terminology) on a certain gay-oriented 'Manazine' (is that corny or what?) for having pictures of scantily clad men and for publishing the uncensored Interview with the Faghag (movie rights anyone?), lesser known as Beatrice Chia, more commonly known as 'the hussy that broke Venetta Lopez's marriage'. MDA claims the magazine 'promotes the homosexual lifestyle' and is hence insidious to our 'traditional conservative asian chinese and not-to-mention anal' society. If so, MINDEF might want to rethink it's idea of National Service. Keeping young, hot-blooded, bare-bodied, raging with hormones, horny men together for prolonged periods of time can only spell trouble for our birth rates and our World Number 1 ANAL-RETENTIVENESS ranking. Remember: anal-retentiveness is next to godliness.

PS: MINDEF might also want to rethink calling its productivity seminar event 'PRIDE Day' (And mind you 'PRIDE' is capitalized and bold-faced. They might as well add rainbow stripes).

Butterflies in my stomach!

Went to watch the Butterfly Effect today. Quite an intelligent movie, but that's not important. What is important is that I went with Sunshine. What a great smile! What twinkly eyes! I hope I didn't spook him out with my unwarranted dressiness though. Went a bit (read: a lot) over board, as usual.

To solve my serial-over-dressiness I have decided that I have to either go to more formal places or start renewing my wardrobe. Since I have no money to speak of, hopefully he will go to a funeral with me. Let me see... (flips newspaper to obituaries)