yup. July used to be the best month ever. I'd always be happy when it's my bdae. i guess.
but this year.. it had been the toughest month.
i saw dr for the 3rd time this month. not about dengue. but yes, i caught bad flu. until now my mucus is still flowing and i'd been coughing like mad. sigh. my immune system needs some strengthening. i know. will eat more oranges and vitamin c. cuz falling sick just feels sucky. and it's not fun taking mc like how it was in the past. and i did not take mc yesterday, so struggled during work to wait for time to crawl.
well. it's the first time of my life that i had so many friends leaving to study. well. not surprising. but sigh. guess it's been enough for me. janice just left yesterday too. i was sad.
broke up with jeff and patched back again. well it happened this month too.
let me just pray that august would be a better month. which i dun seem to see it happening. because... i'm left with 2 weeks to study for my dispensing test. it's just like another DPP with ms hor back in school. and this time round i realise i dun have as much time and energy to study. stressed. and im working 3 weekends this coming month. with 2 weeks of consecutive 7 days working nonstop. stupid schedule is going to kill me. like tomor i'll be working, and next sat i'll be working too. screwed up schedule. sigh.
i'll take care of myself. i'll try.
things with jeffrey are better now. and im happy. =) it had been tough walking till this part of the journey. it's hard to explain i guess.
alrights. im going to load youtube to watch already. it's a sat and i spent my time studying a bit and slept for a couple of hours till now. well, or should i say i spent most of my time sneezing and coughing. haha. alrights. cya.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Dengue is in the air
sigh. yup. i'm currently on 2nd day of mc since yesterday. well. had been having fever since like last thursday. came and go. until yesterday i finally decided to go and see a doc, cuz i saw weird rashes spreading on my body.
went to the walk in clinic at ttsh. doc said my rash isnt the typical kinda dengue rash. well i was relieved. but next he said he wanted me to go thru some blood test, since i was still running fever when i was there. and the results would be out in the afternoon. alrights, my vein was deep inside, nurse poked the needle deep inside. shucks, it hurt. and there she went sucking my blood like a mosquito. sigh.
thank god. im a staff there, so din need to pay for any fee. so right after she took my blood, i left and handed up my mc.
sigh. my fever lasted thruout the day, and it just got hotter. it was perhaps the most terrible day ever for a damn long time. and i was anxious about the results. and finally in the late afternoon the doc called, saying that my blood count was alright, and dengue screen was negative, which means i din get dengue. PHEW. all i felt was an immediate sigh of relief. however, the doc continued that i must rest at home until thurs when im back to work, if my fever still persists, i must go for another blood test. as dengue sometimes wont be detected at early stage.
well. life sucks. cuz right now, im still having slight fever. it's already 3 plus in the afternoon. my muscles were already aching after ltc, and the freaking headache and fever had made it worse. sigh!
im praying hard that i dont get it. had been having nightmares that i kana dengue. sigh cuz if i get it, i must go for blood test everyday for a week to check my blood count. hello. i'd perhaps die of needles poking into me.
so unlucky. im just suay man.
anyways. headache. going to take a rest on the bed now. feels weird to be at home in the afternoon. nights. =(
went to the walk in clinic at ttsh. doc said my rash isnt the typical kinda dengue rash. well i was relieved. but next he said he wanted me to go thru some blood test, since i was still running fever when i was there. and the results would be out in the afternoon. alrights, my vein was deep inside, nurse poked the needle deep inside. shucks, it hurt. and there she went sucking my blood like a mosquito. sigh.
thank god. im a staff there, so din need to pay for any fee. so right after she took my blood, i left and handed up my mc.
sigh. my fever lasted thruout the day, and it just got hotter. it was perhaps the most terrible day ever for a damn long time. and i was anxious about the results. and finally in the late afternoon the doc called, saying that my blood count was alright, and dengue screen was negative, which means i din get dengue. PHEW. all i felt was an immediate sigh of relief. however, the doc continued that i must rest at home until thurs when im back to work, if my fever still persists, i must go for another blood test. as dengue sometimes wont be detected at early stage.
well. life sucks. cuz right now, im still having slight fever. it's already 3 plus in the afternoon. my muscles were already aching after ltc, and the freaking headache and fever had made it worse. sigh!
im praying hard that i dont get it. had been having nightmares that i kana dengue. sigh cuz if i get it, i must go for blood test everyday for a week to check my blood count. hello. i'd perhaps die of needles poking into me.
so unlucky. im just suay man.
anyways. headache. going to take a rest on the bed now. feels weird to be at home in the afternoon. nights. =(
Monday, July 16, 2007
Woah.
yeah. i'm finally back alive.
bdae passed. ltc passed. everything passed. haha.
bdae was just like a daily thing to me. i din feel that special on this day anymore. so. haha nothing much to talk about.
but anyways. most recent thing to update. LTC that just passed for one day. well, i personally had one of a kind experience on my own. haha.
lemme tell u why:
ONE:
i nv thought i could have such a good sense of direction. (though it's trained by going there to trek and cycle for like 2 weeks) i brought my kids who were barely 17 years old, safely to and fro ubin. felt the heavy responsibility. more than a week zero organiser, more than a vp. cuz i knew, only i knew the way out of these 12 ppl in a team. ha. i walked ahead of them, shining into the darkness, with my own fears in me. wondering wads ahead. but all i did was to believe myself that my route was right. wadever ahead, i'll just have to face it. the whole time, this thought was in me. nightwalk was equally scary to me.
TWO:
i conducted all the games myself. set my own rules, impressed by my change readiness that was trained in the 3 years of my life in the club. and made ppl obey to my rules, if not, they know wad i could do to them. HAHA.
even when in doubt, i sounded as though i knew everything i was doing. frankly speaking, i was bullshitting at some point of time. but being kids, they were naive enough to be impressed by me. so cute.
THREE:
impressed by my energy level. to be facilitating the whole time and watching out safety. until i finally died when we reached the end point.
FOUR:
i could do better debriefs now. i realised things i've learnt were not in vain. cuz i finally knew how to apply. =)
FIVE:
i did the bravest thing i'd ever do in my life. one incident was that at some private property that no matter what we had to walk thru in order to cont with the night walk, the dogs there were being weird. howling and barking like crazy, as we got nearer, they got louder. until the point of time, the kids were totally frightened, and i told them to stop moving. cuz... i was damn bloody frightened too. but i had no choice, somehting just told me from inside that i had to check this out, if not we'll nv complete this. i dragged mark tan to go ahead with me. with azuan to take care of the frightened ppl aat the back not moving. as we walked, and shined our torchlights, the freaking dog started barking and charged towards us. to my horror, bloody mark tan couldnt see the freaking dog at all, which i believed his night vision was probably worse than mine. all i could say was omg the bloody dog's coming!!!! we stood still. i stood behind mark tan. and watched the dog ran towards us. though it was like in split seconds, that moment felt like forever. OMG. thank god. just like how i desperately was praying that god please put a stop to all these scary things. a man appeared from the house and halted the dog's actions. thank god. and yes, the dog realised we're nice ppl. so they let us pass. and i went on to fetch my kids, with my legs both trembling in fear. that was the bravest act of my life. it made me realise, if im the fa, i've to be the first to die or sacrifice. in a crude way if it has to be. yes. just like my years in studies club. ha. but it nv did appear that obviously in front of my very eyes. haha.
next, i layed the solo walk trail with azuan. trust me. i was terrified. but i had to do it. i knew it. i cant turn back anymore. and switching on and off the lights were not FUNNY matter at all. cuz i nv knew what i could see once i switch it on again. thinking back still stuns me. =( but i did it. and the brave kids did it too by walking thru the whole thing not switching on the lights at all. though i did allow them to switch it on if they're really afraid. but they're very brave. i was impressed. =)
SIx:
having scolded the most number of F words for a ver long time. yeah. towards bendy ho. i agree that was totally unethical and unprofessional to have done that in front of the kids. but i couldnt help it. it was just infuriating enough to have a guy to say fuck u to me. ha. im mad. well. it's nothing to be proud of though. haha.
well. end of story. learnt alot about myself thru the camp. nv knew i could be another person like that in such envt. thought i'd have died. din understand how that amount of courage come into me. i nv understood it. but i onnly know i did my part to my best, and im proud of myself.
poor main comms. but trust me, this was a perfect learning experience. learn it and love it. cuz that might not be another chance anymore. because, it's once and for all. a wake up call. they're fortunate to have such things going on. wad was it for us? the previous batch? we learn and change as we go. nv knew our flaws so early in the year to salvage all the nonsensical things we did in our projects.
anywya. i think im still running fever. time to go and rest. grace is a good girl. =) gdnight. i love jeffrey.
bdae passed. ltc passed. everything passed. haha.
bdae was just like a daily thing to me. i din feel that special on this day anymore. so. haha nothing much to talk about.
but anyways. most recent thing to update. LTC that just passed for one day. well, i personally had one of a kind experience on my own. haha.
lemme tell u why:
ONE:
i nv thought i could have such a good sense of direction. (though it's trained by going there to trek and cycle for like 2 weeks) i brought my kids who were barely 17 years old, safely to and fro ubin. felt the heavy responsibility. more than a week zero organiser, more than a vp. cuz i knew, only i knew the way out of these 12 ppl in a team. ha. i walked ahead of them, shining into the darkness, with my own fears in me. wondering wads ahead. but all i did was to believe myself that my route was right. wadever ahead, i'll just have to face it. the whole time, this thought was in me. nightwalk was equally scary to me.
TWO:
i conducted all the games myself. set my own rules, impressed by my change readiness that was trained in the 3 years of my life in the club. and made ppl obey to my rules, if not, they know wad i could do to them. HAHA.
even when in doubt, i sounded as though i knew everything i was doing. frankly speaking, i was bullshitting at some point of time. but being kids, they were naive enough to be impressed by me. so cute.
THREE:
impressed by my energy level. to be facilitating the whole time and watching out safety. until i finally died when we reached the end point.
FOUR:
i could do better debriefs now. i realised things i've learnt were not in vain. cuz i finally knew how to apply. =)
FIVE:
i did the bravest thing i'd ever do in my life. one incident was that at some private property that no matter what we had to walk thru in order to cont with the night walk, the dogs there were being weird. howling and barking like crazy, as we got nearer, they got louder. until the point of time, the kids were totally frightened, and i told them to stop moving. cuz... i was damn bloody frightened too. but i had no choice, somehting just told me from inside that i had to check this out, if not we'll nv complete this. i dragged mark tan to go ahead with me. with azuan to take care of the frightened ppl aat the back not moving. as we walked, and shined our torchlights, the freaking dog started barking and charged towards us. to my horror, bloody mark tan couldnt see the freaking dog at all, which i believed his night vision was probably worse than mine. all i could say was omg the bloody dog's coming!!!! we stood still. i stood behind mark tan. and watched the dog ran towards us. though it was like in split seconds, that moment felt like forever. OMG. thank god. just like how i desperately was praying that god please put a stop to all these scary things. a man appeared from the house and halted the dog's actions. thank god. and yes, the dog realised we're nice ppl. so they let us pass. and i went on to fetch my kids, with my legs both trembling in fear. that was the bravest act of my life. it made me realise, if im the fa, i've to be the first to die or sacrifice. in a crude way if it has to be. yes. just like my years in studies club. ha. but it nv did appear that obviously in front of my very eyes. haha.
next, i layed the solo walk trail with azuan. trust me. i was terrified. but i had to do it. i knew it. i cant turn back anymore. and switching on and off the lights were not FUNNY matter at all. cuz i nv knew what i could see once i switch it on again. thinking back still stuns me. =( but i did it. and the brave kids did it too by walking thru the whole thing not switching on the lights at all. though i did allow them to switch it on if they're really afraid. but they're very brave. i was impressed. =)
SIx:
having scolded the most number of F words for a ver long time. yeah. towards bendy ho. i agree that was totally unethical and unprofessional to have done that in front of the kids. but i couldnt help it. it was just infuriating enough to have a guy to say fuck u to me. ha. im mad. well. it's nothing to be proud of though. haha.
well. end of story. learnt alot about myself thru the camp. nv knew i could be another person like that in such envt. thought i'd have died. din understand how that amount of courage come into me. i nv understood it. but i onnly know i did my part to my best, and im proud of myself.
poor main comms. but trust me, this was a perfect learning experience. learn it and love it. cuz that might not be another chance anymore. because, it's once and for all. a wake up call. they're fortunate to have such things going on. wad was it for us? the previous batch? we learn and change as we go. nv knew our flaws so early in the year to salvage all the nonsensical things we did in our projects.
anywya. i think im still running fever. time to go and rest. grace is a good girl. =) gdnight. i love jeffrey.
Friday, July 06, 2007
wheee
hello to all..
oh havent been here for quite awhile. and i just realised my most recent post was about the fight that jeff and i had. yeah. sorry that i did not update anything. =p
anyways. we talked things out. yup, was almost on the verge of breaking up. yeah i guess for the first time after quite sometime. well. this fight made me realise something that wallace once told me. i used to have the thinking that i shouldnt change for anybody. or should i say.. the past experience made me feel that i shouldnt. so even for jeff, i felt that perhaps i din have to change cuz he'll like me for who i am. but wallace told me, lets say.. like more than 8 months ago? ha. that changes that one make when he or she is in a relationship, are actually probably essential. thats for us to compromise and accomodate with one another. because, the fact of the matter is, no one is perfect for another. thats the case when both parties are willing to change for the better in each other's eyes. to make sure, they in the end become perfect for one another. i told jeff all of that about how i feel.
so at the end of the day, i wasnt trying to accuse him of anything. but to tell him, or even to hint myself that, it's time that we stop thinking that we did alot for the r/s, because the real thing hasnt been started. subconsciously, we havent changed at all. just expecting the other party to bear with each other's temper, habits, and behaviour. so. hmmm. we both agreed that this r/s shall go on, but real compromises and changes shall be made. even if we do fight again, the way we handle it would be a better one. and if until the period when hes entering army and we're still like that, i guess theres no point carrying on. without a strong foundation, i seriously dun have confidence in this r/s when hes gone. yeah. so thats our agreement. oh well.
last sat. had workshop after work. and yeah, that nearly made me to miss sending deborah off to aust. if that really happened, i would proabbly hate the boss now. ahha. well. sigh. seeing her wipe her tears away just made me feel like crying more. strong deb has nv been weak. but i guess going overseas does make hell lot of a difference. especially when she did have many close friends. all the 3 yeasrs we spent in the club. i guess thats something none of us could forget. well. im still missing her every now and then. and i was gay, had fever later that night.
sunday. went ubin with wallace, sister, bendy ho, mic and siyuen and sinee. to recce the routes for the camp on the 13th to 15th. wa. it was hardcore. we went to super ulu places, cycled on the rocky paths that made my butt hurt for 2 days after that. and even visited hornets nests and beaches. and yeah. wad we're going to be doing there during the camp. ho hoho. well. it was fun though. =)
and yeah. im finally going to start earning my 1550 bucks from ttsh this month. just signed a 1-year contract with them yesterday. well. wow, one year seemed damn long. i guess so. but i'll just commit myself to it. did blood test, xray, and everything else la. medical check up. it was a hassle, but did kill quite abitof my working time. =) and yup. i realised, this place, i can work for one year. not because i LOVE the job, but the ppl there are seriously nice. and i believe i can learn alot down here. with the compulsory lessons, tests, that would force me to study and learn more and ask more qns. thats why i chose to stay.
felt so relieved after signing the contract cuz it got me quite stressed up the previous night. haha. so i gave jeff a treat to suki sushi last night. well. it was a happy night going out with him. =) the talk we had did work out well i guess. hee. we both went to buy a bag for the camp. and yup. now im feeling damn broke. yes very broke.
met up with charm rene levin ken and keith for dinner at merchant court jus now. okie, my fault that i nearly missed it. ha. but thank god i still went down in the end. =) missed them. missed rene. cant beleive shes like leaving on sunday. all the memories we had. i guess they'd nv go away and would stay forever. my heart was kinda heavy when she said she probably wont be coming back anymore. would want to settle there at aust after her studies. yup. so probably, see her a few more times. and thats it. =( sigh.
but i promise. to write more happy entries here. so that the not so depressed grace can brighten up ppl's day and not let ppl worry. i guess thats the least thing i can do. =) more on social life ye syes, not just about studies club and work anymore alrights. i'll try. =)
okie. gotta go and rest. gdnight. thanks for the bdae present. so sweet.
oh havent been here for quite awhile. and i just realised my most recent post was about the fight that jeff and i had. yeah. sorry that i did not update anything. =p
anyways. we talked things out. yup, was almost on the verge of breaking up. yeah i guess for the first time after quite sometime. well. this fight made me realise something that wallace once told me. i used to have the thinking that i shouldnt change for anybody. or should i say.. the past experience made me feel that i shouldnt. so even for jeff, i felt that perhaps i din have to change cuz he'll like me for who i am. but wallace told me, lets say.. like more than 8 months ago? ha. that changes that one make when he or she is in a relationship, are actually probably essential. thats for us to compromise and accomodate with one another. because, the fact of the matter is, no one is perfect for another. thats the case when both parties are willing to change for the better in each other's eyes. to make sure, they in the end become perfect for one another. i told jeff all of that about how i feel.
so at the end of the day, i wasnt trying to accuse him of anything. but to tell him, or even to hint myself that, it's time that we stop thinking that we did alot for the r/s, because the real thing hasnt been started. subconsciously, we havent changed at all. just expecting the other party to bear with each other's temper, habits, and behaviour. so. hmmm. we both agreed that this r/s shall go on, but real compromises and changes shall be made. even if we do fight again, the way we handle it would be a better one. and if until the period when hes entering army and we're still like that, i guess theres no point carrying on. without a strong foundation, i seriously dun have confidence in this r/s when hes gone. yeah. so thats our agreement. oh well.
last sat. had workshop after work. and yeah, that nearly made me to miss sending deborah off to aust. if that really happened, i would proabbly hate the boss now. ahha. well. sigh. seeing her wipe her tears away just made me feel like crying more. strong deb has nv been weak. but i guess going overseas does make hell lot of a difference. especially when she did have many close friends. all the 3 yeasrs we spent in the club. i guess thats something none of us could forget. well. im still missing her every now and then. and i was gay, had fever later that night.
sunday. went ubin with wallace, sister, bendy ho, mic and siyuen and sinee. to recce the routes for the camp on the 13th to 15th. wa. it was hardcore. we went to super ulu places, cycled on the rocky paths that made my butt hurt for 2 days after that. and even visited hornets nests and beaches. and yeah. wad we're going to be doing there during the camp. ho hoho. well. it was fun though. =)
and yeah. im finally going to start earning my 1550 bucks from ttsh this month. just signed a 1-year contract with them yesterday. well. wow, one year seemed damn long. i guess so. but i'll just commit myself to it. did blood test, xray, and everything else la. medical check up. it was a hassle, but did kill quite abitof my working time. =) and yup. i realised, this place, i can work for one year. not because i LOVE the job, but the ppl there are seriously nice. and i believe i can learn alot down here. with the compulsory lessons, tests, that would force me to study and learn more and ask more qns. thats why i chose to stay.
felt so relieved after signing the contract cuz it got me quite stressed up the previous night. haha. so i gave jeff a treat to suki sushi last night. well. it was a happy night going out with him. =) the talk we had did work out well i guess. hee. we both went to buy a bag for the camp. and yup. now im feeling damn broke. yes very broke.
met up with charm rene levin ken and keith for dinner at merchant court jus now. okie, my fault that i nearly missed it. ha. but thank god i still went down in the end. =) missed them. missed rene. cant beleive shes like leaving on sunday. all the memories we had. i guess they'd nv go away and would stay forever. my heart was kinda heavy when she said she probably wont be coming back anymore. would want to settle there at aust after her studies. yup. so probably, see her a few more times. and thats it. =( sigh.
but i promise. to write more happy entries here. so that the not so depressed grace can brighten up ppl's day and not let ppl worry. i guess thats the least thing i can do. =) more on social life ye syes, not just about studies club and work anymore alrights. i'll try. =)
okie. gotta go and rest. gdnight. thanks for the bdae present. so sweet.
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