Moving...

glitian.wordpress.com

tolia: im a convert. :)

i am supposed to be studying.
i need to study.
i have to study.

sigh.
oh blessed friday, when will you arrive?

these echoes

The family's off to Japan. Leaving me all alone to the house. this empty house.
urgh!@^#$(*%*&
Boring...

birthdays.

It's the last day of being 21. This speed at which time is flying, it cannot be explained.
Birthdays used to be such happy events.
Birthdays are YOUR days.
when it is your turn to be queen.
where your whim and fancy is met.
when you are showered with blessings and love.
when time seems to come to a stand still as you bask in the showers of joy and eagerness with loved ones.
when the day you've been looking forward to the whole year long finally comes.





This is not the case this year.

Birthdays succumb to the reality.
Birthdays are but another day,
Birthdays simply mean you've spent x number of years in this world.
Birthdays. Birthdays. Birthdays.

whats the big deal?

these memories

suddenly, the salient present hits me right in the face.

the through the night phone calls,
the crazy mac-mugger nights,
park nights,
stealthy KFC fiascos,
the impromptu nonsensical parties we'd throw,
hen parties,
the long walk home under the sordid sun,
the finding out of the chinese girl trio,
the mini mahjong sessions,
working at the spas,
sambal kangkong,
the lets skip school just to go catch a movie,
the amazingly successful twin stunt,
popcorn throwing,
sentosa suntanning,
sentosa not suntanning,
the tediously long meetings,
the "lets catch a bus to wherever",
'potato!' resounding amidst the air,

are now but things of the past.

And this feeling of being so distant of what used to be so routine makes my hair stand.
For everything feels like it were yesterday, yet you know so clearly it aint,
for nothing's quite the same now. Nothing is.

For both of you..

Dear both of you,

Sorry I gave you such a bad scare and for the sudden outburst.
I'm alright now.
Just wanted to say thank you for rescuing me, for the stupid 'better lock your car door' joke, for the 'just scare them off and take their seat' comment, and most of all, for simply trying to make out my words in between those horrid sobs.
Thank you.

ps: I will find the scanner by hook or by crook tonight ;)

love,
li

what i need to do.

What i need to do is to STOP
1) acting up during presentations and making stupid comments,
2) watching grey's anatomy
3)blogging
4)proscatinating

yup. thats what i need to do.

perspectives - Subjective evaluation of relative significance; a point of view
Per-spec-tive.

Its how theres always two sides to a coin.
a positive way of looking at a situation, and of course a negative way of looking at it.
Not forgetting how the very same event can evoke such feelings of joy, yet to another, bring about waves of sadness.

per-spec-tive

Its how you always assume something.
How those coloured lenses you wear becomes the obstacle.
That emotions you feel which never fails to blind.

per-spec-tive.

Its funny how this simple notion can make or break.

my to-do list.

1. GEM1008 - Critique.
2. GEM 1008 - Position Paper Proposal
3. Clinical Neuropsych Presentation
4. Counselling Essay
5. Psych Assessment Presentation
6. Psychometrics Assignment 2
7. Counseling Presentation
8. Psychometrics Assignment 3
9. Clinical Neuropsych Topic Review.
10. GEM1008 - Position Paper

Hell week's a serious understatement.

here goes.

I have decided to apply for grad school.
The applications are torturous, time-demanding and costly.
Looks like i'm heading down under cos the parents are not for the states.
"too dangerous", "too far", "too costly".

Its funny how for a long time, one thinks graduation day will never come. It has only recently hit me that it will be but a few more months before you don that blue gown you've always been waiting to wear, walk up that stage, shake the hands of people you've never met or spoken to in your whole life, firmly yet gently hold on to that precious piece of paper which you've been dreaming of your whole life, working towards since the day first words are spoken. that precious piece of paper. Its a mirage of feelings this stage i'm at. To an extent where words cannot express this confusion in me.

It will be at least two years straight if i get accepted. Four years if i go with the parents wishes to do a phd right after. Wont be coming back anytime inbetween (or at least i think) not because i dont want to but because the curriculum doesnt allow it.

I;m scared.excited.apprehensive.looking forward.worried.eager.nervous.overjoyed. all.at.once.

days like these

Its days like these, where a wonderful end makes everything before better.

hate school. hate exams.

The family is planning a ONE MONTH trip to various parts of Japan.

I, unfortunately, am unable to go because of school and exams. wtf.
and it doesnt help that the well-intentioned consolations fucking rub salt into the already damn sore wound. and the whole world seems to be going to japan. even my chinese doctor. urgh!

this girl is upset, jealous and hates schools and exams.

hilarious.

song appeal

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

his dillemma; which he knows not how to tell

upon seeing his friend struggling the ferocious waters, he jumped in without hesitation. As the waters threatened to take her away, to swallow her whole, he panicked. He fought hard, determined to get to her, overcame the strong currents, pushed the icy pain to the back of his head and persevered. When he finally got to her, she pushed him away. Not on purpose, but only because of her conviction to gasp for whatever air she could get, of overcoming the agony these daunting waters had imposed on her. He struggled harder, intent on keeping her afloat, all this time with the unrelenting temperature of the waters biting into his skin. His hard work paid off. She began to recognise that familiar face, and started to give in. Alas, it was too late. That inexorable waters had taken its toll, and he began to sink. It was now his turn to struggle, to fight for air, to conquer the grim currents. But amidst her own struggle she failed to see his struggle, that he had to fight for his life now.

Slowly, but surely, the currents carried them to an unfamiliar place, a place which brings much fear and uncertainty. All these amongst their constant struggle. He blames himself for the circumstance they are in, but knows that he has limits, and that much as he wishes that they would both be able to support each other in this struggle, like that in the memories he holds dear in his heart, he doesnt know if it will happen. He tries to scream to tell her, but the sea is too wide, and his voice is carried away with the wind.

Green Day - Wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and past,
the innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Like my fathers come to pass,
seven years has gone so fast.

Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.

Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past,
the innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.
Ring out the bells again,
like we did when Spring began.

Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
becoming who we are.
As my memory rests,
but never forgets what I lost.

Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past,
the innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when september ends.

I have always been here,

waiting to be noticed.

Desperado

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences, for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
But I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones you can't get

Desperado
Oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day
And you're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, let somebody love you
better let somebody love you
Before it's too late

Listening to this song as I have a thousand and one times when it struck me how aptly this song describes the world today.

the beauty of god.

Karma works quick and fast.

oh sweet god.

and just knowing this, puts a full stop to all everything.

okay.

I am officially STUPID! and a SMARTASS.

Yours truly decided to take up the challenge and register for psychometrics class.

Me! Who cant even figure out C Maths.. decided to take STATS.
AGAIN!.

who was i trying to kid?
OH MY GOD!

Like seriously.

I am so dead.

urgh!

all things purple and shiny

dinner, was followed by a drive to my favourite park, where purple and shiny was presented to me.

grin.

thanks love!

(watch for pictures!)

flow-n.

It seems ages ago when we used to hang out all the time.
when the phone blinks with each other's numbers.

now it seems, you have drifted far, and somehow,
I cant help but feel that perhaps, that need, has flow-n to a far off land.

well, wanted to show you something today.
another time then..
when it comes.

the latest addiction

this girl is officially hooked on "gu wat zai" again.

why wont they continue filming?
why why why?

ekin cheng is soooo handsome.

for the sorting hat wannabe

grin.

the face of mental illness

frantic fun.

you guys HAVE TO check out this link.
amidst my 'oh my god. i can finally sleep in tomorrow' mood,
and the 'let's just stay up and have some fun' mood,

i found this.
go play!

http://games.yahoo.com/free-games/four-second-fury

it takes some time to figure out the games though :)

my record - 97s. beat that! grin.

Somewhere only we know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

and by the way.....

bet you didnt know this one..
The symptoms of social phobia in the Japanese are

1. Blushing. (The face turns pink.)

2. Lots of flatulance. (They fart non-stop.)

hehe

day two.

Okay. I am officially T-I-R-E-D and D-R-A-I-N-E-D.
Two looooooooooong days in a row.
one week almost down, and twelve more to go.

I would like to bitch about a lecturer.
He is eccentric, has no sense of time, (class was bloody supposed to end at 9, but it ended at 935, and that is without giving us a break in between.) is irritatingly short, is balding, (not that it really matters but i guess when you dont really like someone, everything just irks you.) treats us like we were idiots, a 'niao pok', and URGH!
The worst thing is, I was looking forward to this class.

wtf.

its officially 32 minutes to the end of the last day.
and im spending it printing notes, coupled with the not so enjoyable sounds of mum in the background.

im feeling lousy.
school starts tomorrow.

im feeling lousy.

hilarious.

This show, - hilarious. 5 stars! Considering, army boy didnt sleep through a midnite show for ONCE.

a day in the life of an NUS bidder.

0900 hs - turn on computer and log on to cors.
0915 hs - throw in all your points for selected module.
1230 hs - one last check for open bidding.
1232 hs - notice that you have been outbidded.
1233 hs - curse and swear at every other student who has more points than you.
1240 hs - panic and start looking for new and cheap modules (20 minutes left to close bidding)
1243 hs - call friends and find out which modules are easy and cheap and what they are doing.
1250 hs - realise that there is NOTHING.
1300 hs - bidding closes. fuck.
1310 hs - check list of modules and realise that every module is fucking expensive.
1311 hs - curse and swear even more.
1400 hs - after much thinking and checking and calling and cursing and swearing, more cursing and swearing, you begrudgingly select a sucky module and cross your fingers the upcoming semester wont be as bad as you think it is.

thump thump thump

i am studying studying studying and studying next semester.
so i'm gritting my teeth, one hand a highlighter, the other a pencil,
and turning off my phone,
cancelling my 'fun' plans,
and im just gonna be studying.
I pledge to be the next hermione granger.

or at least i will do my best to.
tsk.

The most ridiculous comment I've heard in the past 3 days.

'If God meant for girls to be pilots, he would have made the sky pink.'

oh get over your inferiority complex already.

familiarly unfamiliar

more unravels itself.
in this seemingly familiar world.

ps: sorry i couldnt queue with you. It was a must to leave.

discolouration.

and today, I quote "it's like I woke up and my world changed."

talk. by SPS.

Do come for it :)

HAWAII

hawaii.. I'm coming baby!
ask me why!
Cloud nine the whole day.

to you, whom I know has been giving her best.

It's not that I dont want to deal with it.

It's just that I cant.

I'm in a position where I'm drained, stretched and pulled in every direction and in every aspect and all it takes is just one wrong step for me to screw up everything.

Ideally, how I wish everything could be right.

I wish I could make everything right.

But the truth is, nothing is as simple as it looks.

nothing is as simple as it seems.

and all I can do is carry on like before, till this all ends.

Not thinking of what has happened,

not thinking of what has to be uncovered,

not thinking of what may come.

I hope you respect this decision of mine.

I may never be ready, I may never let go,

I dont know when I'll stop crying,

I dont know when I'll stop being upset,

I dont know. and I just dont.

So please. I beg of you.

Let it rest.

Let

it

rest.

This is what I want and have to do for myself.

I have to start thinking for me.

fuzzy wuzzy likes blogging but does not like to blog.

NOW I KNOW.
to all of you who had fun taking a dig at me.. NOW I KNOW.

as time goes on....

It's been a painful painful week.
The tears shed, the heart breaks, the sacrifices and all,
and as time moves inch by inch, millimetre by millimetre,
you'll realise that everything you felt in the past week will start to become memories.
Bit by bit, step by step,
your heart will first understand,
then your tears will no longer flow,
and then the images will stop dominating your mind,
and you'll realise that you've moved on.

I sincerely hope you do.

migraines. more migraines. lots of migraines.

GO AWAY!

If you knew this was your last day on earth?

How would you spend it?

help.

it's been a whirlwind.
this abrupt return to reality.
where we basked in the sun rise, and 'dry-swimmed' till dawn.

He says he needs the time and that he's claustrophobic.
I say he's afraid; and that my dear friend,
the choice is yours at the end of the day.

the bullets and arrows are still firing in this house.
Where I've just been issued the eviction words.
amidst the sobbing and the screaming and the shouting,
I can only say to you;
this is yours to reap.
Leave the younger ones outta this.
It's a battle between you and me.
You're just there since a long time ago.
and you'll probably only be there for time to come.

10 things to complete before the hols end.

1. Go on a shopping trip to China.
2. Finish reading all the books I bought on my shopping spree at Borders.
3. Meet up with all those I have promised to meet up with but have not done so. (hehe.. sorry!)
4. To Cafe del Mar with the besties. (ps. we were supposed to have gone last Sunday!)
5. Buy new furniture for my terribly small room. (yes. I'm shifting. From my big room to the study room. Because, the feng shui lady says this room I have clashes with me. Wonder if the money will really rake in soon. hurz.)
6. watch the following movies- Shrek3, Pirates of the Carribean.
7. shop shop and shop at this great singapore sale. (speaking of which, my daddy passed me and my mum money and told us to go shopping yesterday. how cool is that man!)
8. mambo night. (boy! I miss that crazy dancing.)
9. Exercise. (I've put on so much weight, you have no idea.)
10. Go for a nice meal of seafood, chicken and eggs with 'pai kar'. (haha. can't wait right?)

Finally! I can blog. Been itching to but it seems my lappy has been disagreeing with blogger. that is till today!

I cant upload pictures still.. (probably joining you at wordpress soon lia.)

It's been mahjonging and bak-kut tehing, cherry-adeing, beef noodling and movie-ing. Not to mention the hopping around crutches. *hehe*

it's been a whirlwind. loadsa fun though. grin.

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.html

try these tests.
supposedly to test what you really feel but not show.

damn confusing.

watch this watch this!

i know im supposed to be mugging. But who can give up an array of amazing performances? plus it was only like 2 hours.. (ya rite. guess why im still up. :p)

anyway, im bringing it to you for all of you who didnt manage to catch it. (for the one who was on the train too. hehe)

check it out.

that time of the year again.

and no i do not mean the festives.
surprisingly relaxing this time round.
probably becoz ive been hardworking this sem.
or probably becoz im a tad too overconfident.

lin yen organized a steamboat in school. yes yes, we lugged three benches and people kindly brought three pots to school and we sat and we ate and we talked and we played.
That day had to be one of the most emo days ever since i stepped into the cold walls of NUS. First day of school felt like only yesterday yet it dawned on me it would be the last time I would probably see most of my friends amidst these walls, attending lectures together and bitching about the lecturers, rushing deadlines, walking ard like zombies and yada yada..

I've decided not to graduate. I'm not ready. As G puts it, you'll never ever be ready. Its just the idea of going out into the world and putting on your battle gear that I'm not ready for. I know I will be, but it aint happening till I know I've put my best foot forward in this institution I'm in.

To most of you, graduating may mean we'd never meet again, and even if we do, the fleeting hello-s and good bye-s would probably be it. Before that happens, I wanna wish all of you the best in your endeavours, success in your careers, and thank you for leaving your footprints in my life.

gossipy

Oh.. and to all concerned.. Patrick's opened a pet shop.

and yes, haoling, we're going to the pet shop. grin.
lotte.. you're invited too. hehe

splendid splendid

Splendid splendid day spent at siloso beach, on the oh so beautiful cafe del mar.

Albeit operation get-a-tan failed.

Till we end exams.

where God too granted us 4 lightnings for the 4 worst jerks on earth.

p/s: photos are coming.. sorry dears.

nothing is going right.
This morning, i woke up all fresh, two hours before I was due to leave the house.
Got to school only to realise that prof had sent an email to reschedule meeting.
As I drove back to arts from animal lecture, a freaking Audi almost crashed into me cos that stupid driver thinks that person outside circle has right of way.
Dropped Raymond off at arts. Stopped behind bus and lost footing on my brake. Almost crashed into bus.
Got delayed at tuition for 45 minutes.
When I finally get to work on my summary, I realise that for some cocked up reason, the bottom of every page of the article wasn't printed.
This, I found out 15 pages into the 35 paged article.
I'm out of paper to reprint.
fwaaahhhhh................................................

till now, i cant believe you said it.
so much for everything.
I thought you'd be the one who'd understand.

exhausted

slept for 17 hours.

blistering headache, slight fever and a blocked nose.

maybe this is what exhaustion feels like.

maybe ive hit my limit.

cos 17 hours later, i am still tired.

and i want more.

blogging away today.

im sick and tired of writing assignments.
three too many blog posts.

shoutout to lingz

hey dear..

sorry for not replying la.. my phone was down for quite a while. Phones dont like me apparently. anywayz, i'm fine and i'm giving you a big shoutout on my blog. *grin*
i'll call you soon ok??

if only...

if only some people could just put in more effort in their work.
if only some people could just use their brains.
if only some people could be more considerate to others.
if only some people could write.
if only.
if only I dun have to pick up your mess.
if only I could not bother.
if only I had the time.

grrrr....

Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground.
William Shakespeare, "The Tempest", Act 1 scene 1

to you dearest.

Spoken:
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay


And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

Finally, the major events are over. finally finally finally.
Now back to the books with 2 reports, a test and a presentation.
All in the span of 2 weeks.

study study study.

Thank you

much as i whine and groan about how tiring everything is,
i've been meaning to say a huge thank you to you guys and so here goes..

Celia: Our friendship means so much to me. for all the phone calls, the talks and your presence and everything you've ever done. They're too much to list.

Wanting: Babe, you're irreplaceable. Things aren't looking on the bright side for you at this moment but always remember; lia and I will always be here for you. anytime.

Ying ting: I don't know how we managed to become so close but thank you for all the little things you've done for me. The little talks on the car, the massive amounts of photocopyings and the little treats you bring to lectures for me.. Life in NUS brightens up because of you. :)

Cheryl: For listening to my complaints and for constantly checking in on me. Taking off the load on my shoulder and the lunches you bring me.

Anna and Parvin: The ribena sweets seem endless, and thank god for them through the ardous lectures. For saving my forgetful ass all the time and the constant care you shower over me.

Now y'all know whyi i'm getting fat. *grin*

All Hail American Idol

In my opinion, american idol will always be the best singing competition.
at the very least, the contestants CAN sing.

here are my two male favourites this year.

Blake Lewis

He's the beat-boxer. who has an awesome, i-can-melt-you kinda voice.

Phil Stacey

He's like the next Chris Dawltry. If you heard him sing during hollywood week, all you Chris Dawltry fans, his rendition of 'Have you ever really loved a woman' makes me wanna post that song again. *grin*

stay home to watch the girls tonight!

I am so caught in American Idol fever...

here's to you.

i'm tired. of all this nonsense.
I dunno how you can live like that.
I dunno how it can even get past your conscience.
(that is, if you even have one.)
I've had it.
It's war you want, and its war you'll get.

it's a mad rush.
to cheryl: I completely understand now.
sigh

cuppy cake

if you ever wondered who sang the song..

that disgusting music.

its like this never-ending tape. Just as you think the tape is finishing, it replays. and you find yourself sitting through it all over again. you want to walk away but the loud music resonates throughout the hallways. you cover your ears, you hide under your pillow. but its here, there and everywhere. it eats at you. floods your thoughts. you want to walk away. but its here, there and everywhere. and the only way to not listen to it.

is to die.

i am going going gone.

There is no word i can find to describe the way i feel right now.
It's that kind of situation which i have seen and heard of but i dont want to be in.
it's that type of relationship where we're only linked by name.
you are fucking unreasonable.
i hate you.

and so the last two days of 2006 came and went.
I spent it in bed nursing a gastric flu.
The initial hours of 2007 was spent frantically trying to send and receive messages.
Not a very good end, not a splendid beginning.
Just crossing my fingers and hoping it will get better from here on.

Happy new year you all..