Hi world,

all i want to do now is hide forever~ i want to run away to a far far away place and never come back. so many times i say fml but my life isn't exactly that fucked up, but i think now it seriously is FML. :( anyway, whatever it is i'll get through it~

Thank you YP for staying by my side. I know we can't stop thinking about it, but still we'll get through it :) Don't blame yourself because it's definitely not your fault. Don't worry anymore because things will be fine. I love you and we'll go through thick and thin ~

To the world you may be nothing, but to me, you are the world.

Hugs&Kisses
xx

It does not hurt your heart to see your girl cry


Anymore.

This is probably the reason why i'm not asleep yet, and i should, soon.
I play too much scenes in my head, i think about what will happen tomorrow, later, now. Anything and everything.
I think about the same scene that will repeat, i'm scared. & i just hope it won't happen.
Maybe..

Maybe.. i should be contented. Maybe..
Happiness is so hard to achieve yet so easily destroyed.
+ shit happens when you least expect it.
#lifesucks

Maybe growing up isn't that great afterall.
I wish time would stop now.
I'm quite scared of the future.
I feel like i'm not capable of anything.
Why am i such a loser? A pathetic piece of meat that shouldn't even be existing because i'm too retarded to succeed in anything. Sigh :\
I don't know why i'm so negative now.

Everything is perfect when it's all just played in my head.
In reality, it's not.

-hope- for a better day (: Goodnight.

xx

Can't believe I spent the entire public holiday cooped up at home doing my report. Life sucks :( If you know me, i don't really like staying at home cause it bores me out although i get to rest and slack all i want~ oh well, can't wait to finish my report! can't wait for FYP to be over!!
Hopefully can finish my report by friday so i can enjoy my weekend a little more. I want to use my films and take pictures! Stop raining, i want to go outdoors and have a picnic too :(

& now, i've been craving for koi the whole day but i get none! Sigh :(
Cant wait for the weekendssssss. It's the only free day we have left now.. hopefully we can finish our report by then. Oh well. Till then.

xx

I'm tired, really tired..
but not tired of you.

Every second awake is a second of sadness.
Really don't wish to wake up each time I fall asleep.
Wish those ~dreams~ would last longer instead of -reality-

Tired of.
wailing
screaming
crying
thinking
trying

Happiness is temporary, or maybe not even temporary because it isn't even there.
I wish i knew how to be better, or i wish that one day i would be happy with the perfect person. i don't know if it would all come true. yet at the same time i'm afraid i'll be left all alone by myself. Life sucks. Why is it that happiness means the world to everybody? Yet it's so so hard to be happy. Although happiness is a self-decision, yet almost everybody would feel or want it from another party.
Every girl wish to be loved, pampered and cared for.
Guess we are all selfish creatures.
Oh well, to know that a happy girl do exist makes all the other sad girlz so jealous~
SIGH.

Feels like i'm the only one facing all these alone.
FML

I just wouldn't be good enough for anybody.
I don't know what's there to love about me.
I'm a bitch, i'm selfish, self-centered
That's enough to kill you, right?
If only there was someone who was willing to take all my nonsense in, would be so much happier. Told you i'm a bitch, no?

I think i have the lowest tolerance for scoldings and shoutings directed at me! :(
No matter who, where, what, how, as long as someone scolds me, my heart cracks a little more and my tear ducts function :( Sigh! How i wish nobody would scold/shout at me anymore but it's impossible! I'm a klutz how can anybody not scold me! :\ Oh well.
Feels like my heart is cracking a little each day. Each day i wonder why good things don't happen to me. Don't i deserve to be loved too? It's like knowing -truelove- exist but it won't cross paths with me. Need to stop thinking of such nonsense. Just want to be happy, but it seems like it's the hardest thing to achieve. Oh well.

Concentrate on report now and get it done ASAP! Can't wait for all these shit to be over~
Goodnight, xx

/edit.
I don't even know if i deserve all these. I don't want to compare but i certainly can't help it because i think it's only me me me.
ITSONLYMEWHOHASTOGOTHROUGHALLTHESEPAIN ITS.ONLY.ME.BECAUSE.I.DESERVE.IT.
I.SO.DESERVE.IT.RIGHT.ALTHOUGH.OTHERS.THINK.I.DON'T.AT.ALL.
BUT.YOU.DEFINITELY.THINK.I.DO.BECAUSE.I.ASKED.FOR.IT.
WAILMYHEARTOUTISALLICANDOBECAUSE
IDON'TKNOWHOWTOLETOUTTHOSEFEELINGS.

i just won't feel loved like any other girl outside. (because i totally ask to not be loved, right?)
I'm sorry i'm ranting yet -again-. don't you think nobody should love me?
Why is it so hard to feel simple -happiness- and simple -love- sohardsohardsohard.
or maybe you just can't tolerate me anymore. I guess being nice to a bitch is really hard, like duh.
I need to stop dreaming, fml.

Need to fall asleep now, i hope i can. I really really want to. Need to stop those tears from flowing. bye.

I want to live for today, the present not yesterday or the past, not tomorrow or the future.
Everything done will be an experience, something to learn (:

One more month and school's out. Love end of year! Time flies it'll be one year together already ^^ Trying to think less of everything. Sometimes, i just want time to stop, i don't want to grow up anymore :(
Oh well, now it's time to get started on my report, exactly 2 weeks left to submission.
k bye.
xx

I can has the film F50 baby in my hands now. Will try to make use of you as much as possible. Can't wait to take nice pictures~ preferably outdoors because it's so much better. Will plan for a picnic soon! (: Sorry my blog is really boring now i can't be bothered to update because i have no inspiration to blog. :\ Although i only have one day of school, time passes really fast. It's like Week 5 already i seriously don't know how time passes so fast. Maybe it's because i have one module only. Tomorrow i have UT1 and i've yet to study anything!! Everytime say will put in effort but in the end i'm too lazy and can't be bothered i end up not putting any! :( Sigh, such a failure right? It's my only module now besides fyp and i can't afford to do badly because it will pull all my grades down, meh :( My computer is being a bitch now again!! The mouse pad is spoilt AGAIN and i have to use a mouse, plus at random moments any page i'm at on the browser will suddenly start scrolling all the way down for i dont know what reason and i am unable to scroll back up. Omg, this cannot happen tomorrow during ut if not i'll die :((( sigh. I almost lost this post because of that, lucky there's draft saved. -.-

Been home alone almost the entire day with no food, i should go eat dinner now k bye.
Glad everything's be kinda fine now, x.cross fingers.x it'll remain this way. (:
My end of year wouldn't be nice at all, i don't think i will start 2011 being that happy but i just hope everything will be fine. :\

xx

xx