I don't wish to post sad things. but..
seeing you sad makes me sad as well :( and it makes me even more sad when you say all the negatives to me, it makes me more sad when i can't do anything to alleviate your sadness. :( cause i'm equally sad, it makes me want to die with you too. sigh :( smile alright? so i wouldn't feel so depressed and suicidal as well.

babynomnom, i want you to know that i'll always be here with you no matter what happens. we'll go through everything together alright? you mean the most to me and i only care about you the most. i wish i could by your side 24/7 so i could take care of you when you're sick and weak. don't be sad, cause you still have me and i believe that's the happiest thing that has happened to you(i hope so). there are many more things to be happy about, there's more things that we could look forward to. As much as you think everything's bleak, i feel the same too. you're the only one who can make me smile and feel that my life's worth living for. ILY nomnom. (L)

What's your Love Language?


Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there–with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby–makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous–so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face–they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

www.5lovelanguages.com


I choose Physical Touch. I get upset and whiny when my hands are not held or i don't get a hug. This is how much it means to me. I like this kind of love. (L)

Hi, i'm back. It's been almost a week of holidays and everything's great. ^^ I'm enjoying every moment despite having fyp twice a week still :( Some pictures taken from the most boring chalet ever. Yeap, we went to some chalet at Changi on wed night. There was like no food and nothing to do, we ended up going there to have 'alone' time and to sleep and that's about it. We shared a single bed and it was so cramped but still get to sleep anyway. (better than nothing) It really feels good to wake up to know your bf's beside you. We could just hug all night hehe so nice. :D

And finally i have smiley pictures of you :D smile more okay?








and omg there were so many kittens and cats at the chalet. Now looking at the pictures i miss them so much i want to go back and see them so cuteeeee omg :( the kittens so tiny and cute but they were so timid they kept running away :( so cute so cute i can die looking at them. Anyway, we woke up early the next morning and had to go cgh for fyp. if only fyp was at och(which was just behind the chalet). haha. kinda creepy at night, lucky we didn't open the curtains at night because och was just behind only! D: i will never go to any chalets again w/o the company of my bf. boring~

i'm so tired and so lack of sleep :\ staying home to rest today and the weather's so good (Y)
I just hope the days past slower. No motivation to study or do anything else. :\
Anyway, thank you bb for being nice and patient with me the past week. I know i don't deserve anything but i really appreciate everything you've done. Sorry for being a bitch at times still. I'm sorry. :( I love you v much.

hughug
(L)

p.s oh and twinkle went missing on tuesday night and only manage to find him on wed morning. he was damn traumatised cause he was chased by like 3 or 4 cats? so poorthing. ): then now i think he's behaving very weirdly ever since. he keeps meowing for no reason. this morning he kept meowing -.-

Finally my blog's not dead without pictures. Don't worry, i'm still alive (:


Hi, my matcha cheezecake is not bad. ^^
I think i still have some in the fridge still :\




Meow~ Love my Twinkie vvv much. Cute ttm.









Saturday;
Watched 'Curse of the deserted' with classmates at AMK. I thought it was suppose to be a horror show but not scary at all -.- Ended up like a sad love story :( stupid show. Town after that with b to get his new toy(i'm unhappy) cause it's another thing for him to love and pamper more at least for the next few weeks. :( sad face. Dinner at pasta de waraku (Y). Then to TPY to get something for his toy(i told you the toy more important than me!) (sad face). That's about it.

Sunday;
Skipped church again cause i was too tired and lazy to wake up.
Went out again to simlim to get things for his new love again!!?!?! (sad face x10) but nvm, better than staying at home and not being able to see you haha. Had lunch then played pool. so happy cause i won for the first time hahaha. i know it's unfair but i still win don't care :D Yeap, that's about my day and i train home alone again cause someone go eat dinner out :( hmph.
& in two days i spent like 100 on idk what. (Y)

Tomorrow is the start of the dreadful fyp :( Sigh. Hate to wake up so early and travelling for 1 hour on crowded trains. Ugh. The next person who ask me what i want to do after i graduate, my answer would be 'i want to die' hahaha! I really don't know what to do D: hate to make decisions why so sian one. :((((

Bye.

I feel like a puffer fish. I never felt this broken despite the many broken times. I feel like running away now. Cause tonight, i'll just cry hard to sleep because i don't know what to do. Nothing's making anything better. :(

I’m not perfect but I keep trying
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start
I am not alive if I’m lonely
So please don’t leave
Was it something I said or was it just my personality

Sobfest.

Today crush me a little yet made me smile a little. Skipped church and woke up alone at home. I went into sobfest unknowingly D: I cry as loud as a baby. If someone was home i bet they could hear me. Maybe i shouldn't contain my sadness and then breakdown. Unhealthy :(
Went out after dinner to TPY to supposedly play pool but it was crowded and decided not to wait for our turn :\ (I still want to play pool!) ended up watching air bender, and if i had a choice i wouldn't watch at EW. Their definition of couple seats is just a movable separator. -.- Tomorrow's Monday but it's a public holiday :D :D Happy ttm i don't have to say it's monday again! 1 more week of school!~ (L)

I seriously crave for macs. I need my shaker fries would anybody be kind to bring me some? :|

I blog too much now, i think.

Secretly missing you
Secretly wish i could see you
Secretly wish you would tell me the things i want to hear

I need to learn how to do a french braid :( That's part of why i want long hair, so i can do pretty things to my hair. But even though my hair is longer now, i'm too lazy to do anything :(
I've just wasted my Saturday away in bed being unable to function because i feel like shit. I think i'm better now after 12 hours in bed doing nothing but sleeping. D: i'll try not to be a lazy blob. i'm sorry for being like this, i feel like crap and a piece of shit i wanted to hide and die :( everything's my fault, i know. i didn't give in enough, i've always wanted to be the want taking. i'm just an ass who wants things my way, like always. :( h8 myself max, seriously. sorry wouldn't mean anything anymore. but still, i wished i was forgiven. i want things to be better because i don't want to feel like dying. i don't want to do things i myself didn't even think i would. suckstofeelnotlikemyselfanymoreithinkeverybodyhatesmenow.

i'll learn to fight and stay strong.
even if it means you don't want me anymore.
it hurts,
but you're forever in my heart.
i was never sick of you.
imy,
and would hug you tight and never let you go,
if i could.
i wish i always could.
i wish i could,
so that you will never go.

i don't know how to handle the truth.
the truth hurts,
but i wish it wasn't the truth
i wish you wasn't sick of me.
i wish i wasn't like that so you wouldn't be sick of me
i'm sorry. i couldn't be better.
letting go isn't a solution, it isn't even in my dictionary
i don't want to spend another year regretting
i hate regrets. and i hope i don't have to.

Playlist that i'll never get sick of even after years.

River flows in you - Yiruma
Kiss the rain - Yiruma
All out of love -Air Supply
Goodbye - Air Supply
Without you -Air Supply
Nothing's gonna change my love for you - Air Supply
First love - Hikaru Utada
My heart will go on - Celine Dion
I'll never break your heart - BSB
Only Love - Trademark
Never had a dream come true - S Club 7
Officially missing you - Tamia
The day you went away - M2M
Back at one - Brian McKnight
How do I live - Le Ann Rimes
Stay the Same - Joey Mcintyre
My Love - Westlife
Love story - Taylor Swift

To be updated.

It's 2.30am and i'm listening to my favourite songs. It's rare i listen to music, it's like once in a few months kind of thing. I don't listen to music on a daily basis like everyone else. And usually i listen to the same few songs i like. Decided to create some form of favourite playlist so i wouldn't forget the songs, there's a whole lot more but at the moment i'll leave it cause i'm lazy to think now.

I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything good in my life
and tell me now.
How do I live without you? I want to know.
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go, how do I ever survive?
If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything
I need you with me, baby don't you know you are my everything?
Only love can say, try again or walk away
But i belive for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye
Where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river, that leads to your ocean
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I don't want to let you down
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I can't live if living is without you
Never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you


3am, imy. I wished you belived that I really love you.
breaks my heart to know that my love was insignificant.
I meant nothing to you.
wished all you said was unreal.

I'm sorry I freak you out.

My unhappiness used to never last for more than a day. There was something/someone to make me feel better. Now, it has lasted for more than a month. And there's nothing/no one to make me feel better. Ironic. Whatever posted here is how i feel, i hope i don't scare you or anything cause i think i'm a bit unstable and weird. Really. Recurrent modes of depression. I wished i knew why too. I wish i knew how to overcome all these. I wish somebody would understand how i really feel. I wish i could feel better. But no, nothing is making me feel better. I feel like dying. I just can't seem to feel anything. I'm listless, i can't make decisions, i don't know what i'm doing. All i want is to lay in bed all day all night, starve myself and sleep to avoid the world. Why is it so tough to be a human. I used to tell myself i'll stay strong, and i thought i could fight everything around me. Least did i know, i would fall back to being so weak again, so vulnerable. Seriously. Idk how to make myself feel better anymore. Nothing interest me anymore, like i just want to curl up and cry and feel nothing at all. I wish someone would ease my pain. I wish that there was someone who told me everything would be fine. I wish there was someone who would understand my thoughts. I wish there was someone who thinks that i'm not crazy. Yeah, i wish...

Symptoms

• Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
• Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
• Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety
• Pessimism, indifference
• Loss of energy, persistent lethargy
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness
• Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness
• Inability to take pleasure in former interests, social withdrawal
• Unexplained aches and pains
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

It's not like you want it to go away, it will.
Cause till you experience it, you'll never understand. (& i understand if nobody understands how i feel)

Seventh 7th


Hi, it's August already. Happy 7th, time flies and both of us can't believe 7 months just passed like that? D: No,really. how can 7 months pass so fast. before you know it, it's christmas, new year and it's 2011 already. Suddenly feel so afraid of graduating because it would mean more decision makings which i hate the most if you know me. :( I want time to stop after i graduate :(

Okay, i'm side tracking too much. Anyway, glad to spend time with b again. (: had sakae buffet after school. (promise this is the last time we ever eat at buffets) haha we suck cause we can't eat much at all :\ sian~ anyway, still enjoyed your company although you were damn tired and didn't even feel like eating. (L) I really hope things will be better this time round. I'm trying to be calm and not cry anymore. But it seems like if i don't cry then it means i don't care? but really, it's not that i don't care. i still do care a whole lot just that i think i should learn to control. :\ idk.

Hmm. so now, i'm counting down the number of days of school i have left. SEVEN MORE DAYS!~ but still, i don't get a YOG break thanks to FYP(screw it) and still must study for UT3. I got a feeling i'll panic sigh :( then after UT3 still have FYP for another month. Another month at CGH fml. :( Seriously need a break please tyvm.

My blog is so boring i got no pictures so i'd post a picture of my cute ass teddy bear Twinkle i love vvvv much :D I love pictures at that angle look like some stuffed toy so cute :D :D