In this moment, now capture it, remember it

Off-marketed

Well, you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake, I'm not usually this way
But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'
It's fearless
~Fearless, Taylor Swift

Never would I expect that the lyrics of this teen-pop song to be depicted in real life. How time seems to stop, how time seems to go too fast. How one can be thinking of everything, yet nothing at the same time. And how one can feel every nerve firing away, yet numb at the same time.

Beats me.

Beat that.

有缘无份

Today I finally believed in this thing called fate. It's a stange thing. Someone whom I'll never though would find her someone so early, did, and is positively beaming about it. I don't think a lot of effort is spent searching, it just happens that these two met at the right place and the right time. The remoteness of such an occurrence is highlighted from the fact tt the time to get to know each other is so little before one of them has to fly back. But it all turns out well in the end. That just shows tt fate is working it's magic.

And then there's the other side of the spectrum when one does not get her turn on fate's hands. As much as she would want to make it happen, 有缘无份就是有缘无份, no point being the one hanging onto something that wasn't there to begin with. Just let go, move on and remember the moments, no matter how fleeting they were.

Interesting phenomenon, I must say. Perhaps there is indeed someone out there working the lines and we are his puppets, just waiting to be brought into the same scene.

我排着队拿着爱的号码牌

Lessons learnt while growing up/old: The adult world is filled with secrets. If there was a superpower I would want to have, it will no doubt be the ability to read thoughts. Then it will be an all access pass to all secrets that the adults do not tell the world. Forget about gossips and stories that people confide their best friends with, the most earth-shattering happenings are those that we do not breath a word to.

Maybe it's just the place that I've spend so much time at. With all the long hours, low percentage of people with a red light marital status, high level of human contact, outgoing personalities and close proximity of to one another, can't blame the people for having such screwed up connections. There are some that eventually leaked out and some that spiraled out of control into watercooler tales - no one knows which ones are true and which ones are just rumours because no parties directly involved will admit anything. Sometimes these stories, real or not, end up affecting the way I think about a person and messes up the thoughts that go through my mind when I'm interacting with him/her. It is fascinating yet worrying at the same time. I highly doubt this can been seen in other places where people typically spend more time facing their computers than facing human beings.

On a completely different topic, slow chinese songs never fail to bring the emo side out of all of us. I reckon it's the vulnerable voice, the tune and the lyrics, especially the lyrics. Those song writers sure brings out the beautiful complexity of the language with the way they express those stories in the songs. And to think I used to hate that language so much because it was so hard to study.

IMO, no one does this emo thing better than 孙燕姿 and 郭美美:

和他的童话放回书架 就当回忆是张借书卡 记录我的傻 感情去了哪 如今都搁下 才不复杂

~郭美美 - 代我爱他

Distance makes the heart wander. If you are not near the one you love, you love the one who is near - How very true indeed.

From a Justin Bieber video

God speaks in the silence of the heart.
Listening is the beginning of prayer.
~Mother Teresa

Yes his songs ain't that bad.

10 years and counting

Kota Kinabalu 20th to 23rd Jan was probably the most physically demanding vacation I've ever taken. I'm usually all for the relaxing beach holidays and exciting city escapades but this was the first time that I went for such a trip. But boy, I think it turned out to be one of the best holidays I've ever taken.

Credits have to be given to the people (mainly JY and WL. The rest of us just had to have the 'sui bian' attitude) who planned the whole trip and contacted the various parties to book tickets, accommodation and transport; and Facebook, where 99% of the communication went on before the trip. Till date, I am still marveled by the power of social media. Usually for short getaways, packing time takes no more than 30 mins tops, and I have to thank my weekly packing for the new week in hall over uni yr 1 and 2 to thank for that. However, packing time for this trip took significantly longer. Here's why -

Will it be cold up there? It ain't exactly a very high mountain. A windbreaker should do fine, right? (Wrong, it freaking was very high and very cold up there!)

Will my sport shoes last? They have not been worn for a pretty long time. (they almost didn't)

Can I climb in shorts? Trackpants are fugly and I have no basketball shorts or other shorts of decent length. Will it be too cold? (Again, yes!)

How are we reaching the different pitstops?

Makeup - to bring or not to bring? But my pimple is huge!

And various other questions I find myself asking for the first time.

So anyway, on the 20th, after a few hours of sleep due to me pulling a night shift the previous day, we're off to KK. The first day was pretty uneventful. We landed, checked into the lodge, ate dinner, did a bit of exploration and turned in early. I must say, KK is a really small town. The owner of the lodge, with whom we had a ride from the airport, said that KK is no bigger than Chinatown. I doubted him at first. But after that little exploration, he is actually pretty accurate, well if we don't count the suburb area.

The 2nd day started bright and early for us. After a quick breakfast and some last minute packing, we're off on a two hour ride to the HQ of the Mount Kinabalu park. I'm always kinda excited when there's a long car ride, much more excited that when there's a plane ride. I don't know why, must be because of the chance to watch the scenery along the road whiz by. We started the climb at around 10-11am. From there, it was a 7hours grueling upward trek to the Labah Rata, which was the mid-point resting lodge for the night. It was not easy, I tell you. The first 2km was probably all fine and dandy, but then we reach paths with higher steps and uneven stones and that's when things start to get tough. The last km was the hardest, we all probably took twice or thrice the number of breaks that we usually took. 5pm was when we finally reached Labah Rata, all cold, tired and hungry.

It's a nice picture but the smiles are fake. We were shag TTM!

The 2nd half of the climb started at freaking 2am in the morning! This time, the ascend was surprisingly easier because the bags were lighter and we had all our outerwear on our body. We just gotta keep climbing and not stop. I gotta thank the guy up there for the good weather on the way up. It was nice and cooling on the 1st day and there was a full moon and clear skies while we were climbing at night so everything was pretty well-lit. BUT! There was a my-life-flash-past-me moment while holding onto the rope and climbing the steep rocks up. I swear, I will forever remember that moment and that might actually be sometime to brag about in the future! Haha! Other than that, it was a slow and steady climb to the summit to catch the well-deserved sunrise. It's pretty awesome that all 6 of us made it to the top in six happy pieces. :)

The spot of the my-life-flash-past-me moment

Worth it!!

I was kinda looking forward to descending because I wasn't a fan of fighting against gravity. But man, going down is just as hard as going up! It was raining so everything was made ten times more slippery against my sole-less shoes. And of course, the old injury had to make it's presence felt on the knee as it took the impact while going down steep steps. Each km seems longer and each steep step seems higher that what we remembered on the way up. Strange huh. But anyway, we were finally back in the city for a well-deserved break. It never felt so good to walk on flat concrete land after hours and hours of trekking.

If there's a group that I would make this trip with, it will no doubt be with SJ ppl. No other travel companions can I be more comfortable with sharing the same room and getting along well for the next four days. No other can I be more assured that they will be well-prepared for the trip. Everything was packed all compact and tight and almost everything was in huge ziplocks - some habits do not change. We even had our own well-equipped first-aid kit with deep heat, which came in very handy, and our tested-and-proven methods to fight the cramps and muscle aches. No other can I trust so much should there be a need to place my life in their hands. Ok, that's a gross exaggeration, but that's what causalities have to have when the first-aiders are doing their stuff, right?! No other can I believe to be able to endure through the whole climb without a whimper or thought of giving up. Just suck it up and reach the end! I guess it's the times in those crazy camps, trainings, hazing and PT sessions that developed that mentality in us, of which came back strong in me when I went for the climb, especially with this bunch of ppl. What a way to mark the 10th year of knowing them all. To think that a decade ago, on the same month, we were puny, young, innocent and had no idea that the friendship we will be having will last through the years!

Kia Boon asked me if I will climb another mountain like this again. Well, I'm leaning towards the 'no' answer, but you never know. I mean, it was fun and exciting, but it was really tough and dangerous! I kept browsing through the pictures and comments posted on FB over the next few days after the trip and remembering the various significant moments on the trip (the shoe, the cold, the stripping, the WL's-life-changing-decision, the sunrise, the aches... ...). They are still fresh in my head right now. Maybe, or rather, it is of high possibility, that they just might have faded only a little 10 years later. :)

Fight today

Photo credit: sneakywaystobehappy

It was a bad day yesterday. And everytime I have a bad day, I will always think of this song:

Where is the moment we needed the most ?
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away and I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime and I don't need no carryin' on

And thank goodness for the emo playlist on my Iphone.

Fight on.

Two O One O

2010 has been a year of major changes and even major lessons learnt.

The last semester of my university life has been no less hectic from the rest, despite taking the least number of modules and SU-ing the most number of electives. No thanks to the huge-ass 8AUs worth of FYP! 1 year of sheer hard work and late nights brought me probably my greatest academic achievement to date. Other than that, the last semester was pretty much a haze right now coz it went by so fast!

And then it was out of the comfort of the school walls and into the working world. I have said this many times and I will say it again - I will always miss those school days. It's just the feeling of walking along the corridors, day or night, getting projects done, Friday night chilling sessions, hall life and all the what nots that come with the lightness of being a student.

But working life is not too shabby either. It's vastly different from anything I've ever done. The fact that it is full-time and requires so much time and effort into the job really pushes myself to think about the possibilities and opportunities available. Hopefully, 2011 will bring returns worthy of the investments and risks taken.

2010 has also been a year when I'd travel the most - Bangkok in Jan, Bintan in Jan, Vietnam and Korea in May and Kuala Lumpur in Dec. No where exotic or for long periods but travelling has really opened my eyes and mind. And I can only be more thankful that I'm living in Singapore. It's not perfect living but at least it is easier.

Actually after penning all those down, I realise that there wasn't that much of a major change in my life after all. Family - unchange, friends - still keeping in touch with those that matter. Maybe that's why I don't really get all that hype about counting down to the new year. After crossing over, nothing has change since the last second and life still goes on as usual. Oh my iphone alarm stopped working but that was all. Hmm, what am I missing out?!

You're in everyone I see. So tell me, do you see me?