Money vs Friendship or Vice versa....

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I am beginning to feel that some of my friends are slowly keeping their distance away from me becos they feel that since I m working part time (read: no money), they stop asking me out anymore.  Not even a simple meet up for coffee or a simple meal at an affordable place.   They do not like the idea of always on a budget with me around.

They are working and earning a steady salary, so they have every means to go nice places, shop and eat.  But I am NOT in poverty.  I still can spend within my means.  So what is the big issue here?   And the funny thing is, some even pity my husband.  Eh, my husband got complain or not is between me and him.. who are you to question me?  If I question you about your spending habits and pity your husband.. don't think you will like it either! Maybe you won't show but behind me sure bitch about it.. like what I am doing now (guilty as charged) Yes bitching,  EVERYBODY does that.  Close friends too.  Is human nature.  So don't lie and say don't have!

SO now the problem is:  Why I do not want to have a full time job?  Is not that I don't want..is more like I am looking for a good opportunity and also along the way if I can really find something I can do and I love the job and earn me some money, I will be very happy with it.  I do love to have lots of money to spend, I love shopping, I love to eat good food everyday...but since I made a choice to take it slow...please have some respect for me, can?  Mutual respect is important, u know? I know that you all feel that I should lessen my husband's burden financially.  But at least I never expect you all to pay things for me. I have self awareness...I am not shameless.

Yes I do UNDERSTAND where you are coming from, my friends, but do you understand me?  Obviously is NO.  And I am done explaining.  So if this is going to be a cause for the drifting apart and gap then I am really sorry...not sorry for myself but rather sorry that you feel money is more valuable than our friendship.




*Disclaimer:  I was supposed to publish this post long, long time ago.  But I forgotten about it.

CB friends and LJ friends...

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I believe most of you sure got such people in your life every now and then.  Well, I have many.  And I am also somebody's CB friend or LJ friend too.  Yes, yes.. I know.   I believe is becos I do not how to make friends.

Those used to be close to me but now like strangers.  A lot of things happen in between too long to elaborate.  But I seriously learnt a lot from all these bad experiences with so called friends.  I thought I can be BFFs with them and maybe they thought I can be their BFF but I prove them wrong and they prove me wrong too.

I have learnt to be careful of who I spoke to and who I open up to.  Cos some people really can me feel they are my friends but actually they there just to see if I do anything stupid, say anything silly so that they have some thing to laugh at or just pass their time making fun of me secretly while giving the impression that they CARE about me.

I am a person who say what's on my mind w/o thinking of the consequences BUT that doesn't mean I did not choose my words carefully.  You must understand that how others interpret it, is NOT within my control.

This post is not about pushing blame.  And I am aware that most of you don't give a damn about what I say. 

Well, is okay.

Reminder to self that I do not have to apologize for being who I am.

Cheers and have a nice day to whoever is reading this.

To Hell with shitty friends...

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I am very happy now!  No more shit from shitty friends.  I choose to be a housewife and I love it!  I am proud of it!!


So what if I rot at home? At least I rot in my OWN home.


So what if I choose to work part time? At least I am NOT spending your money!


So what if you see my husband is struggling with his work? But what you don't know is, his company is doing lots of restructuring and changes and he need to take care of many stuff and staff but he is NOT complaining about me being a housewife.  So what gives u the right to go and talk to him about asking me to find a full time job?! If he don't mind, I don't think you should. You don't know what is call mutual respect and understanding and u dare to call yourself my good friends?!  *face palm*


So what if I am on a tight budget now?  At least I got money to eat.  Just that I have to control my spending and only when necessary.  What's wrong with that?  But you all take it as an excuse NOT to ask me out and you point fingers at me saying I am the one who refuse to go out becos you all always go expensive places (which is TRUE)!!  And even if you did ask me along, you never once thought to go foodcourt and eat.. why don't you all admit it that you cannot accept the fact of ALWAYS going to foodcourt??!! Bitch, please!  Are you all sociopaths or having split personalities??!!


I can go out with friends, have a meal, have a drink.. BUT just that I cannot spend A LOT (read: cannot enjoy good food).  But my ''good friends'' don't understand.


The ''good friends'' always thought that I am being paranoid about them bitching me.  But the fact is they ARE bitching about me sometimes.  When I retaliate, they say I am the one with problems.  Wow, they want to mind fucked me badly.


Frankly speaking,  those who read this must be thinking WHY i never voice out to them about all these resentments I have towards them.  The thing is I DID.  But they strongly feel that I am thinking too much WITHOUT even bother to talk it out with me and keep lecturing me about you can't expect this and that and ask me not be calculative.  DUHZZZ


Anyway I am done with them.   I am not someone who give up friendships so easily unless is really too hurtful for me to continue.  I keep trying my best to improve and make changes to myself for the sake of salvaging the friendships and in the end I get nothing but a lot of hurt...so I give up.

Time of the Month

I hate this period of time.  Feels so lousy even though I am not.  Feel so moody even though I am not.  Arghhh!!!!

I have to go thru this shit every month once ever since I started puberty but STILL I cannot get used to this.

Have to constantly tell myself is alright and nothing is wrong.  Relax and keep my mind busy.  Oh my...

One week of torture.  Damnit.

BOOOOOO !!!