today i wrote to the people that meant most to me,
people i always want to keep in my life,
and that was a wonderful feeling (:

i hope they can feel my love from me to them (:

crumbled.
i knew this day would come.
i know im really close to giving up,
and im not usually like this.

the truth is,
it's really really hurting.so maybe it's time to go.
maybe it's time to really give up.

i guess the good thing about having horrible neighbours
that holler at 3.30 in the morning,
is that it gives me a lot of time to reflect.

reflect on things that sometimes i don't want to.
I've been thinking about the things that have happened.
how things have changed,
not even over any significant length of time.

and it just leaves me to think,
you're not any different from what i thought you to be.
i tried to believe that you might be,
but really. why should i be surprised that you aren't.

it's almost an unhealthy obsession for me right now.
and i need to walk away.
i've now convinced myself that you're not worth my time and energy,
so instead of saying things in spite,
I'm just going to slip away.

it was good while it lasted.
but adios, my friend.

i spent last night pondering.
and, solution?
im not going to let anyone rule my actions.
and that's because of the pride i have.

it's over.

only two reasons,
should it matter?

do i now scream,
de javu.

because i ran into a situation,
had a look at it,
and tried to run away.

fight or flight.
obviously choosing the easier.
i wished i could set my pride aside,
and tell you how much i love you.
so that we could see each other for who we really are.

i said yesterday,
the day you said it,
would be the day i showed my emotional vulnerability.
but i dont have to worry, do i?
because that day will not happen.

despite saying this in spite and anger,
i had a moment today.
what if i lost you forever,
and never got the chance to say i love you?

now's not the right moment.
and i dont know when is.
but all i can say is,
when im prepared,
i'll tell you how much i really care.
so we can make things right.

baby steps,
im going to take baby steps.
to change things.
we both know that it's going to take time,
so wait for me.