i say,
i could grow a beard and live in a tree.
a cool tree,
that is.

says that it's insanely warm,
and the moment i step out of the car,
i melt.

x(

cries.
am upset that my mongolian show run has ended x(

i say.
i never figured out how come redbull in singas is so much cheaper.
and it's loaded with maybe twice the amount of sugar.

but anyhoos.
the gurl survived.
(:
still awake,
but she's alive and all went well,
except for a little technical glitch.

so,
she's going to sleep the next week away.
goodnight, world.

honestly,
australia is jinxed.
so many test matches.
and so many 98s and 99s,
but just no centuries.

awesome.

i say.
it's finally done and over with,
and im pleased.
and i finally dont ever have to think about it.
(:

alrighty,
everyone,
happy holidays!

says that i should really think im becoming a country pumpkin.
mostly because i was amazed with so many new buildings in the city...

and modern architecture is way too complex for such an aging person.
x(

although shoe shopping at orchardcentral is awesome.
and possibly just clothes shopping too.

i say.
it's raining so we cant walk x(
boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

im not sure the bird in mum's room really likes the fact that we've got both the aircon and the fan on at the same time.
HMMM.
it's jumping around at 4 in the morning, well. 1.

anyways.
was absolutely annoyed by the flight back today x(
bad bad turbulence.
which caused clara to spew multiple times.
and slow slow service because of the number of people on board.
and they forgot to drop the last cargo batch,
which meant an additional 1/2 hour waiting for the damned cherries to come out.

not a very pleasant first time on the A380.
x(

i think im getting too sick on flights now x(

and it's time to sleep, really.
full day planned tomorrow.

i say,
the less i sleep,
the more energy i get.

does that even sound right.

so many things to do today,
so little time.

why issit i never learn
to not leave things to the very last min..

anyhoos.
3 hours meeting.
and then off to delonghi.
and then to cherryland.
and then to the bank.
and then to lunch.
and then, home (:

which i very much look forward to (:

because i slept so much yest,
i went to bed at day break.
and im aching x(

"the moral of the story is boy meets girl,
and so on,"

omg.
i just woke up.
pumped high on drugs.

it's time to go back to bed...
goodnight world.

im out of soy!
screams.

hahahaha.
maybe it's time to move this lazy creature downstairs x(

i really should not be so intoxicated at 2 in the afternoon.
but yesh.

i'm officially on holiday (:

see you work,
see you next year (:

of all the movies i've watched,
i'll put avatar right near the top.

although im not a sci-fi fan,
i really appreciated the film.

so watch it,
my friends,
and see the ugly-ness of human nature
from the eyes of the navis.

(:

jie said today,
if singapore doesn want you,
then screw them.

HAHA.
it tickles me.

but singapore doesn want me x(
sad soul.
not really...

so many things to do,
so little time.

so many replies.
some positive,
some not,
but in general,
i feel like there's hope,
where ever i go (:

i find it incredible that i can go from a massive high to a massive low in just a spilt second.
but you know what,

im still on a massive high.
and that's not about to change (:

i dont know whether to laugh or to cry.

if i could put my emotion into words,
i'd be pumped up with 24 bottles of red bull,
just flying round and round.

(:

dear god,
im not usually religious.
but thank you,
thank you very much.
C

gushes.
he's not touchable, stop preying.
im not a cougar.
you mean, paedophile.

HAHAHAHA.
random convo yesterday that's absolutely hilarious.

stop, drop and rollllllll!

when i watch cricket,
i love to see the opposition go out for a duck.

because the animation is so cute, and it tickles me.
(:

im biased because i like exodus and paganini so much.
but if i could ever watch this live...

i have brought this to a whole new level.

making bread is absolutely therapeutic.
try my new panini all' olio.
(:

delicious as is,
it's more expensive than me buying it at the bakery,
but all so good (:

if super heroes could be measured by the number of gels one ran in a day,
then i'd be wonder woman.

7,
and im dying from exhaustion.

and what made it worse,
was that amadine and friends rang their bells
and rode past me...

booooooooooooo.

i think i ask for it...

im exhausted.
cause i decided to walk home from work today.
and you know what.
it's 32 deg out there.
and i swear i could have just melted.

x(

mum thinks i will lose weight.
i think i will just faint.

wow.
600 posts.

anyway.
i just wanted to say,
everyday i dust the xbox.
and everyday,
it's dusty.

someone has to do something about the level of pollution in melbourne x(

today i got a message from the dr,
that said,

your test results were abnormal,
please schedule an appointment asap.

should i be worried?

ooooooh.
i knew i'd feel hungry during masterchef,
therefore,

i indulged in a summer berry trifle (:
yummmmmmmm.

except for the fact that i dropped a wine glass,
and break goes my first glass of trifle.

good day, good day (:

omgggg.
perish in the name of love is soooooooo good...
x(

cries.

and im only at episode 1.

i wonder what it means when two people give you the same thing.
does it mean you want it so much.
or does it mean,
they know you too well..

x(

was just,
packing my room (:

i wonder what people feel about it...
well,
for once i can say i know what i feel about it.

anyway,
i caught myself saying,
i knew from the time i stepped out of the airport.

which is oddly odd.
x(

but.
well,
i did.

i feel like ive not used my kitchen for the past month.

therefore,
i reward myself with a fantabulous duck risotto.
and a chocolate, orange mousse (:

ooooooooooooooooooohs.
heaven is a place on earth (:

i think im secretly abusing myself x(
i find weird bruises on me every day x(

boooo.

and so.
the gurl spend yesterday shopping and is now poor.
and she also spent the past two days in bed just watching tv.

ohhh.
life.
pure bliss (:

you know you might become a cripple.
when you have to write 6 essays in 2 hours.
and not to mention mcqs as well.
x(

im really
really scared.
x(

i know what it can do to you.

am screwed.
am so screwed.

tomorrow is the day,
the start of my road to freedom.

in the meantime,
i HAVE to concentrate.

why issit whenever i aim to buy something,
i don get anything x(

BAA.

i have passed repro.
thats before i even walk into the exam hall.
should i be one happy person (:

see,
doing your journal one day before it's due
doesnt mean you wont do well (:

nothing can wipe the big grin off my face.
thank you geoff.
thank you for making my day (:

i say.
eh hey.

and so.
i couldn quite concentrate all morning.
even with my bottle of red bull.

until my life saver - double shot latte came
and took this haze away.

now.
i feel like im alive once again.

it's thurs.
and i had a terrible nightmare last night.
x(

in one week,
i'll be like a zombie,
but you know what,
i'll get the whole weekend to waste.

(:
tick tock the clock.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
it's melbourne cup.
but im stuck at home with stacks of work to finish.
and my betting account has been suspended x(
therefore,
clara sad.

but anyhoos! (:
she spent the whole of last night cooking.
so therapeutic.
the house is currently in a state of mess.
BUT.
im going to let it remain like that until after exams.
which.
is soon anyway.

(:
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
i say my face is turning into a growth of cysts.
seriously.
WHY NOW, WHY ME.
boooo.
so help me, benzoyl peroxide,
if even you give up on me,
i will be under house arrest for the rest of my life.
purge, damn face, purge.

i hope for a miracle,
that i would wake up and all these awe-fully painful pimples,
would just vanish,
and it would all be a painful nightmare.
GRRRRR.

now, i really sound ditzy and superficial.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

you know,
i really do miss home.
and this time,
it's not just a passing feeling.

and as i said,
after so many years,
it's about time to miss home.

i guess i felt it after your reply,
you actually remembered,
and was willing to help me stand up for it.
even if it wasn not even your problem.
but you were the only one there,
and probably the only one who still is.
that one person, who's not going to give me words of encouragement,
but just stand in the back and support me and do things that matter.
and find a solution for all that pain.

it's been so many years,
but you're the only one who saw me through,
saw me rip my life apart,
and helped me put it back together again.
and im grateful that you never yelled at me once,
for being such a disaster,
and such a wreck,
more importantly,
for still being there for me.

so,
thank you.
thank you for that chat,
because it made me realise
how much i miss having someone who cares for me that much.

i dont think ive cried that badly in a long time.

i can lose all my friends in the world,
but i cant lose you.

this is it.
was just mastery.
if you dont think mj was a legend,
i urge you to watch this is it.
because it's pure genius.
all that effort,
all that passion.
in a concert.

it was probably only yest that i really felt we lost a prodigy.
just felt sad when i heard those songs,
and realised it would only last in our distant memories.

i would perhaps classify it as one of the most touching documentary-liked movie ive ever watched.
we can only guess how magnificent his concert would have been.

AND.
the imaginarium of dr parnassus.
was...
just a little to intense.
and we both didnt really know what was happening x(
and after a while i had no idea who tony was...
heath ledger, johnny depp, judd law, colin farrell
all looked the same after a while, and i had no idea who was who...
maybe that was the point...

but.
it was a beautiful portrayal of
temptations,
hope,
and belief.

so,
that concluded our halloweens.
and a tribute to the dead.

i am very sore that my trip to the dentist,
cost me 250...

just for two x-rays and a checkup x(

today was the last time i'd be in uni.
perhaps for a very long time.

and you know what,
i dont feel nolstalgic.

im actually secretly pleased.
and im sorry,
but it's not about to change.

for i fear that might be too difficult.

anyway.
ive been feeling exhausted....
without really doing much.

i really feel my old bones breaking down.
grease grease. squeak squeak.

booooooo.
2 weeks left.
im not too sure how well i can keep going.
it's 2 more weeks sure,
but i feel my body's tearing apart,
and my spirit's just struggling to get out.
im not sure i can keep it together for 2 weeks, even.

i look at the pile of notes,
and i feel dejected.

one more major genes exam.
and then it's the final.

you can do it gurl,
you need to do it.

says.
i cant believe people are actually reading my other blog (:
exciting, exciting.

says.
made an awesome pan fried john dory,
and a yummerlicious scallop chawanmushi last night.
apart from the fact that it was in a massive bowl,
it was SOOOOOOO good.
now,
i need not get cheated at jap places
that serve a little bowl of chawanmushi for 10 bucks.

says.
clara could turn vegan if she had those laksa, char kway tiao and curry puffs,
everyday.
or maybe, just someone who could cook them (:
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

says.
clara spent half of her last pay shopping at chadstone.
and has no money x(
BUT,
she's still heading to south wharf later...
because she wants an electric blue gown (:

she gets to buy two pairs of shoes,
two gowns,
a clutch,
and just random things.

goodbye everyone.

in case you're thinking im a schizo,
they're really meant for two different people,
i loved so dearly.

i was just reading them,
and i wished i could cry.
cry it all out.

but you know what,
my heart's a mess and it's really hurting,
from the happiness, from the sadness.
but the tears arent flowing anymore.

and i wished they'd just flow and flow and flow,
because i know it'd make me feel so much better.
but it just issnt.
my eyes remain dry-as.

dare i say ive lived and dreamt.
i was a happier person,
but at the same time,
i was a sadder person.

im not sure i can compromise anymore.
i hear of things i shouldn hear.
i think of things i shouldn think.
i read of things,
that just makes my heart ache.

i cant bring myself to apologise to you,
because im afraid.
but if one day, should we speak again,
like we cared.
i'll let you know...

and you know what,
im just going to hide under and sheets,
and pretend nothing ever happened.

goodnight.

btw,
dont worry,
im still here (:

http://offoodwithlove.blogspot.com

you know,
it's really nice to see all of us grown up.

and sometimes i wonder,
if things would have changed if i met you abit later,
when we've both grown up...

would things have just been a little different?

i guess it's easy to just give up,
but what if we just fought for each other a bit longer?
would everything be different?

i know i shouldn think like that,
because im happy,
and i hope you are too.

just too many what ifs...

whatever it is,
i hope you are well,
because i never had a chance to say that to you,
before everything went sour.

it tears me to see you like that.
and i wish i could do something about it.
to tell you that i really care,
and that i miss you,
alot.

it'll pass me by.
it will.

you are a complete stranger,
but you made my day...

and all i can say is,
thank you (:
so very much (: (:

it's addictive x(
but absolutely loving it.

finally completed the never ending assignments.
that took a total of 4 weeks to complete.
it's been a while.
but it's finally done.
dusted, well, almost.

i watched the deccan chargers go down this morning.
so sad.
and NSW is currently winning.
i wished the rajasthan royals were winning...

and clara cannot decide whether to get foxtel next year...
HMMMMM.

wiggles (:

my nespresso baby is here.
and he's yum (:

says that i feel like the major part of the week is overrr.
two more massive assignments (:
and i can breathe a sigh of relief.
at least for the moment....

im tracking well,
im tracking well (:

ok,
so it's 5 and clara's finally home.
and SHOULD get started with her report x(
boooooo.

says.just have to get this off my chest.
it was strange...
having such a nolstalgic moment...
i always try my best to run away from these situations.
but but but...
it always just comes back to haunt me x(
in the most unnecessary situations...

but yesh.
learn we do,
(:

heaven is a place on earth.
im at peace with myself (:

day 2. arvo.
aria. matt moran, peter sullivan.
rabbit terrine with a orange chutney.
crisp skin jewfish with Crystal Bay prawns, parsley risotto and lemon sauce.
valrhona chocolate -delice.
petit four.
lemon friand.
raspberry jelly.
peanut truffle (:

day 2. night.
rockpool. neil perry.
Cured Ocean Trout on Toasted Brioche
Four tastes
Blackmore's Wagyu Bresola
Charcoal Oven Roast Beef Moorish Style
Rhubarb pudding.

day 3. arvo.
fish market.
seafood platter.
sashimi.

day 3. night.
l'etoile. manu feildel.
Terrine de Lapin et Foie Gras, Confiture de Pruneau - Terrine of rabbit and foie gras served with prune and armagnac jam.
Salade de Pommes de Terre Nouvelles et Truite Fumee et Cresson - Kipfler potatoes, smoked rainbow trout and watercress.
Boudin de St Jacques, Bisque de Crustaces - Silky sausage of scallops with crustacean bisque.
gggggggggr-anita.
watermelon, mint and malibu granita.
Bavarois a la Fraise en verrine - QLD strawberry bavarois.
Tarte Tatin.

im aching because i have yet to move since yesterday....

oh my,
ridiculously hot yesterday,
ridiculously cold today x(

meeeeps.

facing a dilemma...
TOO many programs on tv...
should i footy, cricket, gnw, f1, nrl or usopen...
help!
(:

flying fish!
l'etoile!

im coming for you (:

okkk.
the past few posts have been.
preedy intense.

anyhoos.
out of "non"-impulse.
clara has bought herself a nespresso machine.

EXCITEMENT (:
nespresso.com/citiz
such a preedy little thing.

and with all her tvbs at home,
mid sem is going to be alllll so good (:

(:

my facebook and blog = dying

anyhoos.
im up early to try and revise for repro.
therefore, i am here.

i wonder if my gut's right.
cause it's sweet. (:

anyhoos.
i had a chat with this person yesterday,
and i was just amazed at how some people can be so beautiful on the inside.
yes, we're all selfish bastards and bitches,
but it's just so warming to know that there are people,
who are just so beautiful on th inside,
that you want to wholeheartedly protect them.
it's just a small smile, the way they present themselves,
the way they talk,
that you feel as though you dont deserve to be part of their flawless lives.
embarrassed by the life you lead.
whilst im probably exaggerating a bit,
i hope everyone in this world,
meets someone so beautiful,
cause maybe then,
we can change the world.

perhaps i just think the society's bringing out the bad side of us.
im glad that at times,
i get to step back and think and it's not just leading me on.
ive made a couple of bad decisions,
but ive made a couple of good ones too.

and all i can hope,
is that i continue meeting such people. (:

ok.
so im right.
and for some odd reason,
it doesnt feel different this time.
i guess ive learnt to deal with it (:

it happens all the time,
but you know what,
i cannot bear going through it again,
so im not going to sit around and wait.

run away.

long long conversation last night.
not exactly bad,
but not exactly comforting either.
it's odd.

and i just don know what to think.

today's a new day.
and a better one.

i dont think anyone really knows anyone.
this perfectly happy, chatty person you know,
might be this one person,
who's suffering so so badly.
and sometimes i feel for them.

i know im not the happiest person around,
but at least im satisfied by the small little things,
and i don have to cover up any depression with random screams and shouts of "happiness"

just a random thought.

i know i should be more gracious.
but im just....
irritated.
i guess.
and sometimes i wished i could be like my brother.
and be giving and gracious.

but.
i guess i really hate to be ordered around.
and be told what to do.
stop assuming things.
im sick of doing things that i don want to do.

absolutely random,
but i just had to get that out of the way.

i feel like im having a nervous breakdown.

x(
it's unfamiliar territory and i really shouldn.
but it's just the first week.
and im really feeling myself fall apart x(

i feel like i need a corner to cry in.
but i cant even find my own corner.

im tired.
im really,
really exhausted.

i just really want to be left alone.

i know what you're trying to get at.
i know you think it's a waste.
but i never looked back once i made that decision.

now,
i like watching footy,
i enjoy fine dining,
i find work satisfying.

so no,
i cant go back to my past.
it's a beautiful memory,
that will stay for a long time to come,
but i will never be able to go through that painful process again.

music,
they say,
will always remain in your heart.

i should mention that.
i don ever like baklavas.

but the one at maha.
ABSOLUTELY beautiful. (: (: (:

im in love.

sometimes when you dont think about stuffs,
you don remember how long ago some things were.
(:

and it makes me smile.
to know that the world's just such a preedy place.
when you smile and face it like you should (:

and so.
it has been an EXHAUSTING weekend.
from harbour town to docklands and jaws on the floating docklands,
to bluefire,
to the detour from croft to tuscan (:
which was so preedy.
and the start of the new day at 10 at dfo cheltenham.
to maha with some really awesomelicious desserts.
to kbox.

it's been a longggg but fantastic weekend.
i must say.
sometimes you don wish for many things,
but you just smile everytime those random conversations happen (:

this weekend breaks the record of how many times
ive been stopped for a nice sweet conversation
with complete strangers. (:
it's sweet.
sometimes i am skeptical when i get stopped in the city,
but not, not in the suburbs.
that's where their culture lies.

AND SO.
the gurl's back at work,
and simon from biomed has joined jake's lab for the month.
and tony's letting me run wild again,
with his very important presentation happening this fri.

and so,
it means random lunch breaks at random places.
and since i have no more exams,
i might just bring a book in to read tomorrow (:

my fridge sucked the life out of my jelly x(
meeps.

a thriller between st kilda and the blues.
and then a disappointing loss for the broncos.

im glad it's a spilt round this week (:
so i can actually study and not want to stay home during the weekend.
wiggles.

SO.
too much shopping.
x(

WHEEEEEEEEEE.
i made crusts for eclairs.
but then.
i got too lazy to make vanilla cream.
and melt chocolate.
so i have eclair crusts...

AND!
my pasta machine is my new love.
along with my gnocchi recipe (:
yummmmmers.
ive never tasted pasta so fresh before...
yumms.

loves to watch billy brownless.
he's hilarious.

and i love my new hoodie.
and my new shoes.
(:

all from procrastinating (:
yummy.

AND!
my pasta maker is here!
and thus = fresh parpadelle for dinner tonight (:
yummers.
and cinnamon muffins, lemon cupcakes and lemon.choc cupcakes.
yummers yummers.
and spinach ricotta tart.
yummers yummers yummers.
(:
all because the gurl doesnt want to study (:

i find the topic of religion touchy.
and perhaps many staunch religious people would find what i might proceed to write offensive.
so turn away, if you identify yourself as above.

it's this topic that we always get into.
what's your religion.
what do you believe.
honestly.
i don believe in religion.
i don believe there's an almighty god,
but i believe it's nice to have a figure to turn to,
when all else fails.
something to place some hope in.
and i respect that.

i get annoyed when i get approached by "holy" people,
who promise great things like miracles in your life,
and direction.

because it's not just hope and miracles that will get you through,
it's not just belief.
you have to work for what you want to achieve.
if i sat down one day and prayed that i would get into law school,
i wouldnt.
and it's time people understood that religion is not all there is.

yes,
its nice to have hope.
yes,
its great to believe that your prayers might get answered.
but it's all up to you,
to make the difference.

most of all,
i get annoyed with people (whom you might choose to call friends)
who drag you along to a sunday service,
and expect you not to feel uncomfortable.
i dont feel people screaming at the top of their voices very calming,
or very religious at all.
which brings me to my point,
how much do you really believe in your religion?
how many people have committed to a religion that,
honestly, they don understand too much about.

when you hang off the cliff,
do you believe that god will reach out and grab you,
or do you choose to muster all your strength and give it a last shot?

i find it hard to believe that people ask you to convert,
after one session at the church.
or with staunch believers,
feel upset that you dont convert.
if that's the basis of religion,
i think it has failed everyone who believes in it.

i don see a point in someone converting just because.
neither do i think you should commit yourself to something the first time you're introduced to it.
you wouldn marry a girl the first time you met her, would you?
it's a commitment, as many would say.
just like looking for the one religion that you can feel comfortable with.

perhaps that's why im in a science field.
im sceptical about religion.
and honestly,
more so with religions that aim to brain wash you into thinking
what's right and what's wrong.
that shout blatantly the "facts",
when it cannot deliver what it promises.

you can choose to be angry that i do not believe in your religion.
but that's really ironic, issnt it?
didnt it teach you to love and accept?

think about it.

im going to start a massive rant.
so go away if u don want to read it.

i am very pissed off.
because of this massive clearing i had to do.
and guess what.
most of the things i had to clear or put into storage arent even mine.
and it's fugging irritating.

and i am very pissed off.
because everybody thinks.
oh she's the gurl in the city.
so it's like this public stop.
stop it.
you're irritating the shit out of me.

and my house is not a fucking storage compartment.
and the worse thing is.
they're all big things.
they're not something i can stash in the corner and forget about.
THEY EXIST.
if they were secretly stashed away i wouldn give a damn.

i keep looking at these things that pisses me off.
and hope that one day they'll mysteriously disappear.

fug.
and everyday i look at them and think.
they'll never fucking go away.

and guess what.
im the stupid person who is nice enough to let people stay.
and i am the fucking person who has to clean up after.

ive had enough.
i am pissed off with those things that people think that " I MAY WANT THEM "
look, i dont.
i have enough.
and if i dont.
i'll get my own.

you get the point.
and no,
im not letting anyone stay at my place ever.

and the reason why i have to clear them out is because mum's coming.
and she'll absolutely flip.
cause then she'll realise her daughter's friends are treating her place like a dumping ground.
fug.
i am just going to throw every fucking thing away that doesnt belong to me.
too bad if u still need them.
you should have never left them here like an eye sore.

you try too hard.
let me tell you,

i'll like you alot more,
if you didnt try that hard...

and so.
it has been just an ordinary week.
well, perhaps.

(:

but anyhoos.
the gurl's been having wonderful food.
the press club. grossi florentino. movida.
what more could she want (:
and a italian-french cross breeded "made in australia" so he says.
millefoglie.

and the addiction to cinnamon pin wheels and apple tart tartin.
yums.

and so.
abp has finally come to a conclusion.
(:
and so the group did well despite my skepticism.
but oh wells.

all good all good.
"i barely think of myself as a caged clown"
but this fascination is so interesting.
it tickles my belly.

and work's been awesome.
despite the mad rush.
the ability to make my own decisions and to understand what im doing.
is just great.
i reckon ive learnt more over the last 6 months.
then i have just reading textbooks and memorising processes.

alrighty.
the gurl's got to kick start her day with cinnamon pin wheelsssss!

she's sad that warnie's royals are out of the race....
x(
2010!

and so,
im home early from work.
because
1. she has prepared for her western
2. her super says go home and study!

HAHAHA.
so yes.

everytime i go back on monday,
all my pens disappear x(

but i was so bright and chirpy today,
it was scary.
i was scaring myself.

but anyhoos,
bright and chirpy's good,
at least once in a while.
i must have woken up on the correct side of the bed (:
or maybe it's my beef puff (:
that brought a good start to my day.

wiggles.

i find human interactions weird.
ive been hit by waves and waves of insecurities of this interaction.
i find it hard to believe that people are so selfish.
that people, are so stupid.

sometimes i wished i didnt meet some people in my life.
i honestly do.

and i am really getting pissed off with people,
who change,
just because.
change to something they're not too sure of themselves.
and you're asking me to support you in that change?
sorry,
but i cant.
and my first instinct is to walk away.

i don know how to handle change very well.
and to just stuff it in my face,
that preedy much sums it all up.

so sorry mate/s,
i wished i could be abit more rational,
but im not a rag doll.
and im not going to take sides.
neither am i just going to sit here and listen.

im going to indulge in my little fantasy.
of candy trees and grinning bobcats.

"im gonna master all kinds of kung fu
im gonna live inside a tiny zoo
im gonna grow myself a giant afro
when the alarm goes off i just wont know"

(:
because it's crazy like im going to be.

felt absolutely sick after monsters vs aliens.
and all that passion souffle went to waste x(

anyhoos.
3D's just not the thing for me.
well.
at least not for a while.

and so,
she really should be getting ready for work.
anyhoos.

i really enjoy it when i get to make my point.
not for any particular reason,
but sometimes i just let people get their way too often.

anyhoos.
was at dave hughes last night.
thought he started the night preedy nervous.
but then again,
that's the first show.
anyhoos.
it was good,
good on him, as he would say.

spent a lazy day at the botanical yesterday.
and swans scare me.
especially when they come up close.
and look like they're gonna take a chunk of you off.
it's the eyes.
they should stay in the water.

anyhoos.
listening to some of the realllllly old songs on this comp.
which i have not turned on for a such a long time.
what a msasive list.

needs to head off.
damn.

i know good news week is thrash,
but im really enjoying it...
it's just hilarious.....

i remember the time,
i felt this weird fuzzy feeling in my heart,
when there was a plan..
then a weird irritating feeling when it was spoilt,
and then a beautiful feeling when it all turned out so well (:

i loved those moments,
i still do.

make me warm and fuzzy,
if you can.

am i getting bored of you?

thank you peepppps (:
says that movida was the best ever (:
beams....

and says.
today was just crazy spending....
(:

but totally worth it (:

am happy (: (:

im trying my best to read the huntington's transgenic model.
but im very distracted by my stomach making weird hungry noises.
x(

meeeps.
says this week feels like it's going to be long.
i feel it.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
and i have so many things coming in the post...
(:
HAPPINESS!

and i hope my phone comes today!
(:

happiness.
is not just two kinds of ice cream.

clara the greedy went to ikuzaya and ate sooooo muchhhh.
i have the stomach of a cow.
or rather,
i just have many stomachs.

wiggles.
i realised i haven had one of my random posts for a long time.
so here is an absolutely random post.

the wheels of the bus go round and round,
round and round,
round and round.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

OHHHH.
did i mention.
i got the most beautiful tiffany and co pen (:
such lust.
oh, so preedy (:

(:
TILL THEN,
my friends.

im certainly one way or the other,
you're going to find this blog,

so i'll say this once and for all.
i think it's ridiculous what this whole hoo-ha is over.

and i think both of you have issues.
and it's up to the both of you to sort it out.

and i don give a damn what happens.
it's really not my problem.

so stop the bloody paranoia
and to be serious,
i don want to have anything to do with this.

until you learn that it's just your insecurities,
blowing up something or whatever u think that obviously has not happened.
i hope you'd not try to test me out or whatever you do.

it's not cool,
it's not smart

it's what 3 year olds do.
so grow up.

i cannot imagine how people can go to such extremes.
i have to admit,
i once thought about doing alot of ridiculous things.
but i never did them.
because they were just ridiculous.

is it just the insecurity.
or just to find a reason to fight.

i never quite understood why people would want to find trouble in such a peaceful world.

maybe it's right.
we cant survive without the gossips,
the talks,

maybe we were just born this way.

but anyway.
muse at how things go.
amaze urself at how paranoia can destroy everything.

but oh well.
im not in a position to comment.

i was just reading this other blog i had.
enter-ed after many tries at the correct password.
but anyhoos.
YES.
i do have this blog.
where it's purely meant for ranting.
and secret memories
i'd like to keep to myself.

but anyhoos.
I WAS SUCH AN ANGRY PERSON!

i am glad.
i don have a boyfriend whom i might get pissed over.
neither do i
have friendships that screw up my life.

so,
boy am i glad.

"this time i didnt tear the gel"

and as soon as i said that.....
x(

i really jinx it, don't i x( x(

but very very interesting results today....
and that really ends my work week....

this week's been a lonnnnng one.
but im almost there.
weekend,
you there?

cause im here,
waiting for you..

i call it a very fatal attraction.
because it's doomed from the start.
in so many ways.

but we do it anyway.
maybe it's just the thrill.

but till then,
i'll be there.

im just really.
trying very hard to study frontiers.

but,
i really am just procrastinating.
x(

blehhh.

maybe im not THAT ready for whatever uni throws at me.
blabbers.

1 down. 6 to go.
not fun. not fun.

and the cold just wont go away.

anyway.
magpies vs cats tonight!

GO MAGGIES! (:
it's medhurst's first match back in 09 (:

because the gurl is having a cold,
she's just...
feeling tired all the time.

and so.
her first week of work has been hectic.
but just really cool.

it's awesome,
some of the stuff that they do,
which hopefully i'll continue to do (:

and uni has been full-on.
with lecs being more intense than i might recall.

but anyways (:

im hanging on.

i should mention that i got the job at WEHI (:

yesterday marked the end of 3 months at SIgN.
and it was such a sad day x(

friendships forged.
rfs, ros, srfs.
(:

i smile when i think of the time i spent at the lab.
coming in at unearthly hours just to leave that bit earlier.
all the squabbles and gossips.
all the pcrs and gels.
all the seminars and talks and presentation.

everyone was so nice.
giving me little gifts which i will treasure for a long time (:
x(
but acknowledgements in the scientific papers,
and an offer for an attachment next year
it's enough to make me smile for the entire year (:

now im really quite sad.

not going to have
wee lee and his johnny walker and the "i will have to marry you if i hugged you"
georges and his classical music and the "they'll send you to australia"
a.c. and her "i hear the shoes"
noi and her sneaky "i need blood" look
poy and her spasm when clara is around
bruce and his "benoit has a bonobo party"
lihua and her company.
alice and her "where shall we go for lunch"
boon hunt and his "i have many samples to run"
laifong and her sonicator
leelee and her "have you eaten?"
brendon and his "i dreamt of these numbers"

i will,
miss that (:

but for the time,
im ready for whatever uni throws at me (:

i still feel like the kid in the lollipop store.
please stay, feeling (:

says.
she will miss working at SIgN.
(:

so yesterday the peeps were so sweet.
and we went for a lonnnnnng lunch.

oh how time flies really.
another 4 more days and i'll be out of the office...

moooooo.

and then a mini celebration for lily.
says it was nice to have all the research fellows join in.

and says it has been a nice change since i first started.
and im going to miss that so (:

mraz is going to the palais (:
20.04.09.

SAYS.
i am at work till late again today x(

no funnnn.
says that the metaphor gel is running at a ridiculously slow speed.
and therefore.
clara is still here.

and the cell culture rooms are currently infected with microp.
so everyone is freaking out.
and they've thrown everything out.
and are going to fumigate the whole place....

so anyhoos.
clara is tired.
even after the red bull that kept her going for majority of the day.

has finally found out why her gels have been looking like crap.
and has finally attributed it to wrong filter being used.

AHHHHHHH.
we all sigh-ed.

and news from georges and anne-charlotte about lices.

SO.
in anycase.
it is indeed friday the thirteenth for our lab.

and we're proud to say.
we're almost done with this day (:

i need coldrock.
lots and lots of coldrock.

can you please find some sense in your irresponsibility.

today i was faced with a question.
an interesting one i might add.

if i had to date one of two guys,
and to protect them from harassment.
i call them b and c.

who would i date?

and because this was such an interesting question,
i had to weigh my options.

one of a type that i had never previously dated.
one of a type so similar to one i had.... kindda dated.

one very eloquent,
one very good with women.
one who can charm you with silence,
one who can kill you with his smile.

i should add that both of them are successful in life.
and very smart.
and by that,
i mean,
VERY smart.

and so.
i sat down and thought about it.
and i came up with the conclusion,
that.

i would date neither of them.
firstly because they are too smart for me.
and secondly because i will be in melb and they will be in some other part of the world.
and which part of the world,
i'll leave as a mystery.

but for now,
i smile to myself.
and watch you try (: (:

hello, mr!
i've noticed you already (:

so the gurl is stressed x(

she looked at so many a-t-c-g's yesterday night.
that she went a little crazy.

i guess this is what happens,
when u don listen to the important bit about how to use pubmed and supersearch in uni.
x(

so she basically cannot find the sequences to her plasmodiums.
and might have to just ask georges for them.
x(

i have a huge chunk at atcgs.
meeps.
but none of them make any sense x(

help!

oh my.
work is getting very very hectic.
and today LH asked if i was going to have a nervous breakdown.

indeed indeed.

but nonetheless.
you surprise me (:

anyhoos.
i realised.
that the things that i have been doing everyday that has become a routine.
is such a precious skill...

i was showing noi all the steps involved in gene sequencing.
which takes 4 days btw.
i suddenly realised.
that this thing i have been routinely doing,
without thinking,
actually requires such meticulous coordination.

and perhaps that's why you never know what went wrong.

and today i realised all that lab talk we do,
really freaks the general public out.
because we sound like crazy maniacs who talk about
transformation and transduction and other transformer like words,
like we actually belong to another planet.

but im enjoying work quite a bit.
quite a bit too much.
all the papers and the pcrs.
i guess that's when ure out to guess and try it out on ur own.
and u design everything u need,
that u understand the importance of what u do.

but anyhoos.

mes am stressing over presentation x(
very very abstract.
very very difficult.
very very.
just very very.

today i found out where turkey was.
and congo.
and while georges pointed out all the countries,
i thought they all looked like australia.

i need some sleep.
or perhaps just a nice dream (:

i spent my weekend dreaming.
very nice indeed.

it's so... surreal.

(:

i really didn do much except swim, movie and head to jeanette's place.
and dream.

cause i spent my saturday dreaming away (:
i like.

i wish i could spend more time dreaming.
your blush-iness.
and my loss for words.

beams.

jeanette's romance still lingers....

anyways,
it's been a while.
a long long while.
and nothing has changed.
i wonder if that's comforting or not...

anyhoos.
it's yy's birthday.
so happy births-day!
at the ecp.
with gold little balls (:

and more to come tomorrow.

------------
and perhaps i should let you know,
your hearty laugh
makes me smile (:

let that be mine to keep (:

what should i call this?

infarct-uation?
because im losing my blood supply (:

ok.
hush puppy hush.

you make me smile (:

i had a.
crazy.
insane.
dream.

x(
now deep down inside,
i feel haunted.

it's getting busyyyy....
and im upset that my Pvcs' are not yielding any results x(

anyhoos.
clara's tummy is very upset.
i think it's from the over dose of coffee today.
in preparation of an in progress report.
but in the end it was cancelled.....

anyhoos.
she's going to bed now.

cause she's tired.

but says she received good news this morning (:
and is finally feeling good (:

should i, or should i not?
HMMMMM.

anyhoos.
our neighbour lab is moving out x(

it means our lab is going to be shooo empty.
x(
sadness.

so anyhoos.
yesterday was the first time i bowled in a million years.
HAHAHHAHA.
how very painful and difficult it was.

and i broke a nail x(

blehhhh.
and the mah-jonging lasted till 12 in the morning.
and clara was exhausted.
after a full day of work and night activities.

so she's up late today.
and hopefully the gurls are not up yet....

ok
it's time to wash up.
toodles.

i just read this entry.
and i suddenly felt like,
i did alot of wrong to this person.

well,
technically i didnt,
but perhaps i still feel that regret
because i never cleared up any form of misunderstanding.

which was sad,
because we could have still been very good friends.

u know how sometimes u meet people,
and u say,
wow,
i finally know what friendship is.
and u really wished that person would be by ur side for perhaps a very very long time?
and then suddenly, out of nowhere,
something happens,
and u no longer talk to that person again.

sometimes it's sad.
but sometimes u walk out of it
and realise that,
uve started a new life that's full of freedom.

but oh well.
that post, made me realise
that i hurt and was hurt.

but then,
i still walked out of it,
and perhaps i might not be stronger,
but at least i survived.

so anyhoos.
perhaps few who read this might think it's them.
because uve come and gone.

but this was perhaps the first friendship i thought i would keep for a very very long time.
and whilst i know that nothing i say will change anything.
and neither do i expect anything to change

it's time that i put my pride aside,
and said,

i am sorry.