DAVID
210892

12 August 2017 530am

Good night my girl. It's been a long day for you :') must be tired.. It's another long day tml for you..

Baby.. Is everything really ok... Why am I being so paranoid.. I keep feeling like since morning 你一直在压制自己.. 我不知道为什么一直有这样的感觉.. 你又说没有.. 说算了 说no point.. 你是不是开始对我感到烦.. 感觉我真的很笨 很没用

I guess.. Not able to call through you ytd... Allowed you to sleep and wake up with negative feelings... And we're facing a tensed situation again... Idk 我很矛盾. 我要你坚强. 但你坚强时, 我怕你会开始不需要我了.. 有可能最近看了太多人家吵架的节目, 听了太多伤心的歌.. 我自己也开始怕.. 对我自己失去信心.. 我一直以为我能够坚强.. 但到头来.. 你有时候好像还比我坚强.. 心已定. 就去做. 而我却在这婆婆妈妈. 说我一开始没放全心也好.. 说我没想到我会那么爱你也好.. 我已经没有回头路了 :') 做什么都会想着你.. 你不开心.. 我也自然而然不开心, 觉得是世界上最费的人. 想发脾气但又觉得, 错在我身上我有什么资格发脾气. 我觉得现在我这样很丑.. 你能够给我信心吗..

我很恨我自己. 恨我自己为什么不能就奋不顾身说走就走. 你不开心, 我立刻买票去找你. 为什么做不到? 也许我还想保留着一点尊严吧. 这样跑过去, 说是挽留爱. 但又能说是没骨气. 会被妈妈讲 :') 我不想你给她不好的印象. 我还是想保护你. 我不知道该怎么办林芷乐.. 我读了读. 这一些又好像是一堆借口. 好像说我不够爱你似的.

林芷乐.. 我不知道... 该怎么爱你才是最正确的.. 宠你, 哄你当你不开心时给你骂给你打. 还是该霸道. 当我不开心时, 也来和你吵, 两方互相一直吵. 那也不对啊. 我也知道你很怕我生气.. 所以我也尽量什么东西都往肚子里吞.. 反正都是些小事. 我不知道你心里有没有想过这些事.. 你是否又有没有质疑过.. 我们的爱, 我真的很想跟你前往永远.. 但我觉得.. 我们应该好好谈谈, 当我们对彼此有不满或不开心时. 我们应该怎么处理. 我们两都是大人了. 我知道你也对我有很多包容我自己没看见. 谢谢你.

Baby... I'm saying all this, because it's real. That as LDR.. There are many things we cnt just solve and talk face to face, or hold each other to understand.. It's again about trust.. And compromise even more so than those couples that meet daily. I'm still really happy and love you so much. But when days like this... We feel like total strangers.. Words are monotone. And as it get stretched out it's really no good for us ya. I think on my end, I have a fair bit i need to change also for you :') like me knowing what I need to do to keep you happy but I always dno why I fail to do so. Then when I fail to do so.. You don't tell me.. Or I ownself know.. After a huge long session of us both being cold, and cried.

Next week I'll be going over le. Tbh idky I'm not going over earlier.. I guess I don't want to to cause too much disturbance to your household ba.. But I wanna see you so much so badly.. I really wanna hug you so much... I wanna tell you in your face.. That amidst all these.. I really still love you so much.. Because I can text you 1000 times, but it isn't gonna be as powerful as me saying it once. I wanna show you... I wanna.. I really don't like living my own life now.. :')

挂着有对象的身份, 过着单身狗的日子. I really hate this. I really really really hate this feeling. I hate hate hate hate hate myself for being useless. Thank you for letting me love you. And loving me. I think I'm gonna wake up hating myself too for writing this message. Lol I know i will.. But idky why I still wrote it. Still send it out. Perhaps it's just like you said ba.. I'm good at writing these. You are my blog. And you're my only reader. You're my only love. And because I love you so much... I hate myself that I'm hurting you so much too.. I'm sorry baby.. That I'm flooding you with all my worries and 心事. But only in front of you.. I'm raw naked :') altho you shouldn't be the one handling this because it's about you.

3 things that cannot be taken back. Milk after it's spilled. Fists after it's thrown. And words after it's been said.

I'm gonna say it.. And I'll take full responsibility of whatever happens. Lzl. I love you. And I'm sorry that I'm putting you through this. I'm a selfish idiot after all.. I say is for us lol. But end up i think after reading this. You'll be the one affected by me.. Then I'll try to comfort you to no avail.. Then cycle cycle cycle.