Love-Hate

Sometimes you make it so easy to hate you.
I wonder how you do it. And why you would do it.

Really hate it sometimes. You being you. Dammit.

The Final Countdown

I'm in the final lap of my ardous journey. The mix of feelings is just overwhelming.

EXCITED, then WORRIED. WORRIED, then CONFUSED. CONFUSED, then RESIGNED.

Guess resigned is the best word now. There's no turning back, all that's left is to be optimistic and grow the sense of adventure which was lost in the midst of the last 2 years.

Someone asked me a thought-provoking question yesterday: "Was it more of a push or pull factor?" I got stucked for a moment. The offer wasn't bad one, but it hinged on its potential. Nonetheless, the decision has been made. So let's just all cross our fingers for my future happiness :P

Kylie Minogue "Spinning Around" music video

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

Somehow this song is etched in my head constantly.. Not sure if it's the beat or the lyrics (which I'm still trying to make sense of)..

Bored and sleepy on a wet wet Thursday

Woke up to a cool drizzling morning.
Laid in bed for a moment and decided to snooze for another 5 minutes (which turned out to be 30 minutes in the end).
Wet day. No choice but to put on my heels as they were the only waterproof option.
Sitting in office with absolutely no motivation to work.
Type type here, type type there. Email this, email that.

Oh my gawd..... why the hell is it only 1030am when it seems like I've been in office for a decade since the morning!!!

September, please come quickly.

Ten Reasons Why Being Single Sucks « Thought Catalog

It's reasons like these that make you appreciate your other half...

Ten Reasons Why Being Single Sucks « Thought Catalog

As we move to the next phase, hand in hand...

Our week long trip to HongKong & Macau, as reluctant as we were, ended yesterday. I've never dreaded the end of a holiday as much as this. At the same time, it also marked a very special phase of life.

I definitely enjoyed the shopping, considering I spent more than S$1000 alone on that. The food was WAAAAAY better than the crap we eat most of the time in SG (excluding mummy's cooking, of cos). Apart from all the shopping and eating, I brought home something else more important. A promise. A commitment. To a very special man. As much as I had anticipated its "arrival", it hardly takes any part of its meaning and importance to me.

Atop the Victoria Peak against the setting of a beautiful sunset, as cliche as it can be, he pulled out the ring and went on his knees. Too overwhelmed and honestly surprised, the tears I expected were held back by the surpise. It was simple, yet so special. Although he had gotten the answer he wanted, he continued with his backup plan nonetheless. Hotel suite, with balloons, chocolates, flower (petals) and swans (origami-ed with towels). I really couldn't ask for more, neither did I deserve anything beyond the love he has already showered me with these 6 years.

As much as I enjoyed the trip as I would have for any other trips, all I can rattle on about is how I finally could give my answer to him.

Thank you dear. And yes, I love you.

Spread the positivity

Today seems to be a pretty good day. Hope it stays that way.

Visiting the RSAF AeroMedical Centre later, but I think I'm looking forward to Pepperoni Pizza WAY more. I've taken the doctor's advice that I can put on a couple more kgs seriously. :P

In any case, although I'm still swarmed by mountains of work, I'm just glad in 1 week's time I'll be at HK 买东西吃东西ing with my darling. The thought is good enough to keep my smiling until then.

Cynnered's back!!

After what seems to be ages, my original blog at cynnered.blogspot.com finally returned to life!! For what apparent reasons it was locked out by our dear blogger folks, I supposed it will forever remain a mystery unsolved. I shan't pursue as it reaps me no benefits anyway.

As much as I have gotten used to the new blog address (and painstakingly copied and pasted EVERY SINGLE entry here), I've decided to return to my first love for a simple reason of the blog address. It was one that struck me immediately when brainstorming. And I'm one who trust the gut feeling of first loves.

So tata cynned, this entry will mark the short-lived purpose you served.

Who knows when one day blogger decides to screw with me again, you'll come in handy like diaryland did.

it's all about positivity

After 2 weeks of "reformed" thinking, I managed to set myself back on a more positive mind frame and have survived well on family and friends' support (or distractions). They may not realise the help they are giving me and how they are sufficiently distracting me from the tasks that put me down. Whatever it is, when crying out to your pillow and having nightmares doesn't relieve the stress, I'm glad I can find support.

It's a step at a time, until the situation becomes just right.

Crumbling little by little

Sometime through the past 3 months, the line between my work and personal life got blurred.
Work affected my personal life. In turn, my personal life got in the way of work.
My official 8.5 hours per day could never fit the responsibilities I had to fulfil. So it became 9 hours, 10 hours and eventually the weekends were not spared. I used to tell myself to draw a clear line between the two. Leave what's undone in the office, your family and friends don't deserve to suffer the shit you had to go through. But as responsibilities piled on, my resolute to keep that principle disappeared. Then I started questioning myself.

Have I gone all soft and laid-back?
Am I less capable than I was?
Am I being fair to myself? Is it what I'm supposed to do?
Why was it that I felt I could take on the world previously and I feel so incompetent now?

Slowly but surely I realised I am falling into a downward spiral. I can't find a way out. I know it but I just can't get out.

When IT does not equate to higher efficiency

Came in to office to see a whooping 878 unread mails. Just from 1 day's leave. My mailbox was closed due to the overwhelming mail volume since last Saturday. When I finally picked up my jaws to face reality, then it struck me that it was the dumb Outlook's fault. It had sent me the error message for an undeliverable mail EVERY SINGLE minute since I sent the mail. No wonder my mailbox's been full.

Dumb. But yes it probably saved me from emails I rather not receive.

6th Valentine Day and counting

Both of us took the day off to relax and just enjoy each other's company.

This weekend has been a pretty fulfilling for myself and him too, I hope. Had my colleagues and our hall friends over on Saturday. MJ, card games, MJ, WII, more MJ, food. You get the picture. Was tiring but fun to see everyone meet up casually out of the office setting.

It also gave me a deeper appreciation of my dear who was helping me through out the entire time. Preparation, entertaining guests, clean up. It's reassuring to know he is someone I can rely on, whether I ask him to or not.

So the feeling spills over the entire weekend until V-day, where we enjoyed a good lunch at Itacho, did some window shopping (and I finally bought my boots for 19 buckaroos only!!!), had coffee/tea at starbucks and simply lazed the afternoon away together on the ipad.

Simple, but sweet nonetheless.

人日but working like a dog

When you thought 人日 was to celebrate your life as a human, you feel like you are worked to the bones like a dog.

Where's the justice?!?!

Frustrations with Blogger Part II

Now that I have finally come to terms that I may never recover my original blog, I am painstakingly transferring the old posts via the "cached pages" from the archives, one at a time.

After an hour, I've only backdated until 2008. 4 more years to go and that includes my most active year in 2007. I'll make sure I export my blog this time round in to my harddisk. Just in case Blogger screws with me again.

Frustrations with Blogger

While I wait for my original blog to be restored, I'll have to make do with a temp blog (in a worst-case scenario, maybe it'll become a replacement).

I can still continue to rant with a new address, since I don't really have any followers. But it's all the memories and thoughts I've gathered all these years since 2004 that just disappeared due to some "steamroller" detection that irks me. First I get a notification saying there's suspicious activity and days later my blog goes poof.

FML.

Reflections on 2010

Suddenly 1 year flew passed and frankly I can't really pin down what significant moments actually happened. At least with regards to matter affecting me directly. For the world, there has been so many sporting events to keep us entertained. World Cup, YOG, Commenwealth Games. At the same time there were many disasters that got our attention too.

While I led an unfruitful year, at the same time I learnt to treasure what I hold in my hands more as well. Life seemed so fragile and suddenly what I have taken for granted all these while appeared all too real, too cruelly real. Guess the gloominess stems from the fact that I had nothing proud to put my name. Nothing great enough for people to recognize my efforts for.

However one imminent question that pops into my head, "Is it my situation, can I change it for the better?"

So this year my only resolution is to improve my current situation, let that that is within my control be changed. Set out my priorities in life. Anyway I'm sure this year will be a year full of beautiful memories. Many I'll look back at years later and savour the sweetness. The thought only gets me all excited!!

So to my dear Year 2011, please be nice to me eh?