This is like so freaking long since the last blog entry. Guilty? Not really. Not really attached to the fact that blogging is kinda the 'in' thing. Okay that last statement ironically is not 'in' at all, 'cause you probably figured I'm living in a time a few months back. What the heck. Been so busy with so many things my head can burst. Literally. Straight after exams comes my jcrc publicity responsibilities, which I really no longer keen on carrying on (I'll talk about this matter later). Then when I thought I could enjoy my weekend on cruise, I'm horrified by the realisation that my HO course starts the immediate next day I come back from cruise. Result? No time for preparation. Mad rush. Lousy start to the holidays. But I got through that. But this few weeks has been a real drama for my emotions. And I've got to blame myself for it. Surprising but yes, I'm actually admitting to the fault. But in such situations who else can I blame but my own doing?
My relationship went through a very rocky path the weekend in between my HO course. I presumed the build-up to it was my over-involvement in things other than my dear, together with my negligence of my jcrc duties, which to my dislike, fell onto my darling. The result of it was a huge confusion between both of us. Confused about who we are looking for, who we want, and who we really are. At that moment I swear that I really felt the relationship going down. I felt lost. I didn't want to let go, but I didn't know what to do. I called him. I wandered outside for what seems to be the longest hour in my life, wondering about the eventual outcome of our meeting. And once again, he reassured me, he just needed to be sure about what I feel of us. He wasn't asking for a split, he didn't want it. I thought I had to be the one to reassure him, comfort him, tell him to give the both of us confidence. Thank god for having him with me, I don't know what I've done to deserve all his forgiving-ness and all I can tell myself now is make myself worthy of him and all that he has been doing for me. Sometimes I wonder why I make certain sacrifices for him, then I realise I did them willingly. I willingly devote myself to him. And this is a promise of a lifetime I make to him. Whoever said the first relationship never lasts, must have not put in his greatest effort. After all the tears, all I can conclude from it is pain. It never should happen again, never should have, and I hope never will.
After that episode, I feel I've grown in a very subtle manner. To be appreciative to the things I'm allowed to be exposed to. He put to me a very good point that he constantly made arrangements to suit my schedule, took care of the duties I did not fulfil. All these are very small subtle actions that people hardly notice happening around them. Me being the absolutely pa jiao kind obviously missed them too. But thank god he didn't just let things continue as they were, if not I wouldn't know what will be of the two of us now, probably blown totally out of proportions already. OK enough of it already. Everything is back and I'm finally starting to see things, so just pray that I never will have to go through such terrible lessons again!
Happy things now. During course, other than the fact that I had eye candy and old friends to ease the emotion pain during that time, I was actually involved in a scandal myself! But all that is over now and I'm actually on rather good terms with the male lead of the scandal. Haha. More like a little brother to me though. Haha again. I'm thankful for it, 'cause it brought my mind off my relationship for a while, allowed me to cool off and re-evaluate myself. Not forgetting my dear friend xianhui. She's definitely not the little girl I used to know back in secondary school. I sorta see my old self in her sometimes and it feel funny inside me. Wondering how her path will be different from mine. We'll just wait and see then.
Ok before I finish this off, maybe I could just let whoever might been reading this know what I've been physically doing for the past few weeks. Before I went for my 2 weeks HO course, had a short cruise vacation with my parents for my birthday. Nothing fascinating but it's the fact that I actually spent some time with them that matters. Prior to it I spent my 1st birthday with my darling on 1dec. Feels weird 'cause we were kinda sharing the limelight for the day, since our birthdays are 1 day and 1.5hours apart! But that day was great. Chicken Little had a part to play in it of course! Then during the course other than the regular campcraft and drills, I can only say I enjoyed the shoot. My marksman skills hasn't deteriorated that much! The best part had to be the ATC. Jetty jump, Challenge tower, Flying fox, abseiling, rock climbing, campfire. Fun and exciting. During graduation, it was all about the photos. Of course I couldn't escape from the scandal issue so might as well gracefully accept it and be a sport. Hehe. Came back hall, cleared up the last bit of fog with my dear and all seems fine until now. My things are getting back on track and I love the feeling of control. Routines and schedules isn't what I'm particularly fond of but I guess they are unavoidable.
Ok that's all for today, I'm getting pretty dried up with all this blogging for a day. Ta~.
Tuesday, 27 December 2005
I'm the youngest child! sO wHaT?!
The Influence of Birth Order
Discover How It Affects Your Personality
Cyndi, your position as youngest child shows most strongly in your social skills.
Similar to other youngest children, you are probably easygoing and charming. Because you were the youngest in the family, your natural survival instinct was to seek protection from older members of your family. To accomplish this, you learned some important skills. First, you leaned not to be shy about openly expressing your affection and love. In addition, you became adept at reading how people feel about you. You're likely very perceptive, and skilled at picking up on body language and other non-verbal cues. Like other youngest children, you tend to be outgoing, active and optimistic. You are probably excitable by nature and radiate confidence and happiness. As a rule, it is usually not difficult for you to make friends wherever you go.
Birth order influences your relationship with your parents, siblings (if you have them) and how you ultimately learn to interact with the world. It can provide an insightful way to better understand your approach to friendships, romance, and how you meet life's challenges.
Discover How It Affects Your Personality
Cyndi, your position as youngest child shows most strongly in your social skills.
Similar to other youngest children, you are probably easygoing and charming. Because you were the youngest in the family, your natural survival instinct was to seek protection from older members of your family. To accomplish this, you learned some important skills. First, you leaned not to be shy about openly expressing your affection and love. In addition, you became adept at reading how people feel about you. You're likely very perceptive, and skilled at picking up on body language and other non-verbal cues. Like other youngest children, you tend to be outgoing, active and optimistic. You are probably excitable by nature and radiate confidence and happiness. As a rule, it is usually not difficult for you to make friends wherever you go.
Birth order influences your relationship with your parents, siblings (if you have them) and how you ultimately learn to interact with the world. It can provide an insightful way to better understand your approach to friendships, romance, and how you meet life's challenges.
Wednesday, 28 September 2005
I'm an Eunuch?!?!
You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
Tuesday, 20 September 2005
敬请期待哟！
我不了解。我干吗装得如此坚强？到头来还是被人认为成推卸责任。还是我不够坚强呢？既然要当个独立的女强人，就做的彻彻底底嘛。干吗还杰说别人的帮助，接受别人的关心，弄得自己到最后两头空。
做个懦弱无能的女人不好吗？虽然必须放弃自大的作风，但从某些观念来看待，它比近是个陋习改掉也是应该的。自怜些不行吗？至少周围的人会发现我的付出与牺牲。坚强能干是个优点？放屁。稍微有些松懈，疲累似乎是犯了滔天大罪，被打下十八层地狱的心情，翻不了身。是人就正正经经的做到人的限量就行了嘛，装什么超人机器的什么。真是笨得可笑。没那么大的头就别带那么蠖ǖ拿保阶詈笾换崛米约号龅靡槐亲踊遥财屏送芬裁蝗嘶峥闪?lt;/p>
人家说为人为己，我想是真的吧。为人是为了让他们感觉到对我们的歉意，好得以后能利用此歉意或当为个攻击的理由，让目标显得更明确更无能反抗。落井下石我看也是如此吧。乘你病要你命。等到你最落魄憔悴时，才用那不费吹灰之力的字眼行动一针一针的往你胸口插下去。
我现在的心情低得很。敌人门要打击我就别错过了这机会。但其实也不需太急，我想这么样的机会会越来越多吧。那你们就敬请期待吧！
Wednesday, 6 July 2005
The holidays that wasn't a holiday.
Finally after a month's long break(from blogging, not work or responsibilities or whatsoever along that line), I'm back with much to update my ardent supporters. (As if I have any, even if had any I probably have long pissed them off with we erratic frequency of writing.) Anyway I'm now supposed to be at SCBE FOC, but due to my lousy medical condition and a pure lazy butt I'm now back in my room. Back at hall 12, not even at hall 4. Quite surprised they managed to get accommodation for all campers. Not having to cramp 6 people in 1 small double room(heard they were doing that for Insinyur Engineering Camp). Quite coincidental, had both my junior and senior from AJ in the same group and also Seth's friend. Felt funny that my senior is now my junior. Hmmm... the disruptions NS cause to our lives.
Anyway been working for the last few weeks. Stopped work 2 weeks ago. But been busy with DnD's and FOCs' stuff. Sigh. But taking it on a more positive note, I spent time with DeaR too.
I don't know why but recently I miss him so much so frequently. So much so that sometimes I just can't bear to lose my temper at him for certain things that he does or did not do. I helped out with his Hall FOC group's video filming, hoping I'd relieve him of the pressure he's been suffering from being a GL head. I end up being called bossy. I admit my way of suggesting ideas may come across harsher and more forceful, but I was just trying to help. I didn't throw my tantrum at him, but neither did I hide my unhappiness. I was tired too, he wasn't the only one. But just couldn't bring myself to put the blame on him even partially. I was just too afraid to lose him. I had a taste of being loved and to love, I would give everything to keep this feeling with me forever. I wish never to feel alone again. It felt fine when all I had was myself back then because there was no comparison to be made, whereas now I'll probably always think back of the times I had him with me. Tightly cuddled up in his arms. Simply knowing that I would never have to be afraid of being cold, 'cause the sight of him warms my heart. I don't know why I feel so strongly recently, but I really feel I need to cherish this relationship much much more than I am doing now. Please give me time. I need advice. I can't read you, unless you let me...
Anyway been working for the last few weeks. Stopped work 2 weeks ago. But been busy with DnD's and FOCs' stuff. Sigh. But taking it on a more positive note, I spent time with DeaR too.
I don't know why but recently I miss him so much so frequently. So much so that sometimes I just can't bear to lose my temper at him for certain things that he does or did not do. I helped out with his Hall FOC group's video filming, hoping I'd relieve him of the pressure he's been suffering from being a GL head. I end up being called bossy. I admit my way of suggesting ideas may come across harsher and more forceful, but I was just trying to help. I didn't throw my tantrum at him, but neither did I hide my unhappiness. I was tired too, he wasn't the only one. But just couldn't bring myself to put the blame on him even partially. I was just too afraid to lose him. I had a taste of being loved and to love, I would give everything to keep this feeling with me forever. I wish never to feel alone again. It felt fine when all I had was myself back then because there was no comparison to be made, whereas now I'll probably always think back of the times I had him with me. Tightly cuddled up in his arms. Simply knowing that I would never have to be afraid of being cold, 'cause the sight of him warms my heart. I don't know why I feel so strongly recently, but I really feel I need to cherish this relationship much much more than I am doing now. Please give me time. I need advice. I can't read you, unless you let me...
Tuesday, 7 June 2005
Crap-a-holic on da loose!
Yeah! Finally I'm seeing the light to a better job! Not that its rates are better(in fact it's 50cents less per hour than the dreaded DBS job), but it's probably going to be more fulfilling and requires higher utilization of the brain. Sounds weird right? Why would anyone in the right state of mind go for a lesser-paying and probably more stressful(because of the brain utilization) job? That brings me back to the good ol' economics I learnt back in JC. The non-monetary cost of the job is too high, which simply outweighs the 50cents per hour that I'm getting more. The result of the crappy job? A crappy blog at the end of it all.
Whatever the case, I've decided. If I'm gonna have anything on on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, they are all gonna take priority over the DBS job. For that it gives me a day off on Saturday since I'll be going for job briefing for the ushering/data entry job at expo. Haha. Actually all these is just lame excuses to quit work and slack at home. Well, like today. I went out spent time and money(dear's actually, but then if I'm really going to trace the source, it'll probably HIGHLY likely trace back to his Dad and his Dad's Dad and his Dad's Dad's Dad... You get the point. Why? Inheritance and earnings from each of the generations la.) tried on so many clothes I know I could never afford to buy with my current account statements. Even though that was the situation, it definitely felt better that slogging my ass off for a pay that doesn't compensate for the effort put in. I'm just putting what my Econs tutor taught me to good use. To make sure I don't suffer at the hands of a bad deal.
Okay for something on a lighter note. Still amused, in fact totally hysterically just now, at what happened last night over the phone. I was on neither of the ends of that phoneline, which is the amusing part, it was my sis. And it's probably not too hard to guess it, the other end was Mr Leon Tan. He thought I was trying to play a prank on him! Haha! Well now the cat's out of the bag with my sis, thanks to my dear's "wonderful" recognition skills. Haha. It's just totally amusing. Damn, I should have been there to hear that conversation. Must have been totally agonizing few seconds for dear. I can't help it but here it goes again for the thrid time this paragraph. HAHA! Oops. Gotta learn to be a tad bit sympathetic. Hehe.
Anyway this is dedicated to Janice. Hope you have a wonderful trip in Europe. I trust that your choir will give a wonderful performance there at Prague(right?) and that you'll return with an experience you'll never regret. Take more photos, okay? Of Venice especially, 'cause I'm not sure if I'll ever make it there in time to see its beauty before it get submerged in the sea. Sighs for myself. So for that you gotta make sure you enjoy the place on my behalf first! Mayb one day when we are older we'll do as we used to imagine. Walk down the streets of Milan maybe, and of course I'll still want to visit the Theatre of Dream at Old Trafford(Red Devils' fan die-hard!) and see it in its full glory with me very own eyes. You used to say you wanted to visit Ansfield, but maybe you have another place in mind. Hehe. Anyway hope you run into some famous people along the streets of Europe! Santa Cruz maybe? I'm talking rubbish, but if you do make sure you take loads of photos okay! Have a safe trip dearie! Will be waiting for you to join us back on the sunny island for more girls' fun!
Whatever the case, I've decided. If I'm gonna have anything on on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, they are all gonna take priority over the DBS job. For that it gives me a day off on Saturday since I'll be going for job briefing for the ushering/data entry job at expo. Haha. Actually all these is just lame excuses to quit work and slack at home. Well, like today. I went out spent time and money(dear's actually, but then if I'm really going to trace the source, it'll probably HIGHLY likely trace back to his Dad and his Dad's Dad and his Dad's Dad's Dad... You get the point. Why? Inheritance and earnings from each of the generations la.) tried on so many clothes I know I could never afford to buy with my current account statements. Even though that was the situation, it definitely felt better that slogging my ass off for a pay that doesn't compensate for the effort put in. I'm just putting what my Econs tutor taught me to good use. To make sure I don't suffer at the hands of a bad deal.
Okay for something on a lighter note. Still amused, in fact totally hysterically just now, at what happened last night over the phone. I was on neither of the ends of that phoneline, which is the amusing part, it was my sis. And it's probably not too hard to guess it, the other end was Mr Leon Tan. He thought I was trying to play a prank on him! Haha! Well now the cat's out of the bag with my sis, thanks to my dear's "wonderful" recognition skills. Haha. It's just totally amusing. Damn, I should have been there to hear that conversation. Must have been totally agonizing few seconds for dear. I can't help it but here it goes again for the thrid time this paragraph. HAHA! Oops. Gotta learn to be a tad bit sympathetic. Hehe.
Anyway this is dedicated to Janice. Hope you have a wonderful trip in Europe. I trust that your choir will give a wonderful performance there at Prague(right?) and that you'll return with an experience you'll never regret. Take more photos, okay? Of Venice especially, 'cause I'm not sure if I'll ever make it there in time to see its beauty before it get submerged in the sea. Sighs for myself. So for that you gotta make sure you enjoy the place on my behalf first! Mayb one day when we are older we'll do as we used to imagine. Walk down the streets of Milan maybe, and of course I'll still want to visit the Theatre of Dream at Old Trafford(Red Devils' fan die-hard!) and see it in its full glory with me very own eyes. You used to say you wanted to visit Ansfield, but maybe you have another place in mind. Hehe. Anyway hope you run into some famous people along the streets of Europe! Santa Cruz maybe? I'm talking rubbish, but if you do make sure you take loads of photos okay! Have a safe trip dearie! Will be waiting for you to join us back on the sunny island for more girls' fun!
Saturday, 28 May 2005
Curse the viruses and germs!
Crap. I've been sick since god knows when. First it was the fever, not that serious but it sure drained me out that day. Then now it's the blocked nose. Been sneezing the entire day today and now I can just feel it coming. Yes, IT. The COLD. Crap. I feel really like Darth Vader now, breathing through my mouth and making funny sounds when trying ever so often to clear those blocked nostrils.
To add to the agony, my right knee is giving me problems again. Probably from tuesday's work, standing in heels for hours straight. Another of the many crap stuff I've been doing to torture myself while trying to kill time. I might as well kill myself, then I wouldn't have to kill time. How merciful of me. Duhz.
SUPPOSEDLY been working for the past 2 days, but I think I was slacking quite a bit while on the job. Haha. Courtesy of my slacker groupmates, particularly a guy(to protect his identity I shan't reveal the name) who is totally jnot working. Well, okay he did help out but half the time he's like chit-chatting away. In that case the guys that were chatting with him isn't much better. Hail the ladies! Why? 'Cause apparently we seem to be the more hardworking ones. Haha. Crap. Can't stand it already! My nose is now beginning to drip. It's killing my blogging mood. Oh, last thing before I go. Friends, please when you see me with a particular guy don't go "IS THAT HIM?!" so loudly. I don't need the wholeworld to know. Thanks and tissue to the rescue please!
To add to the agony, my right knee is giving me problems again. Probably from tuesday's work, standing in heels for hours straight. Another of the many crap stuff I've been doing to torture myself while trying to kill time. I might as well kill myself, then I wouldn't have to kill time. How merciful of me. Duhz.
SUPPOSEDLY been working for the past 2 days, but I think I was slacking quite a bit while on the job. Haha. Courtesy of my slacker groupmates, particularly a guy(to protect his identity I shan't reveal the name) who is totally jnot working. Well, okay he did help out but half the time he's like chit-chatting away. In that case the guys that were chatting with him isn't much better. Hail the ladies! Why? 'Cause apparently we seem to be the more hardworking ones. Haha. Crap. Can't stand it already! My nose is now beginning to drip. It's killing my blogging mood. Oh, last thing before I go. Friends, please when you see me with a particular guy don't go "IS THAT HIM?!" so loudly. I don't need the wholeworld to know. Thanks and tissue to the rescue please!
Friday, 27 May 2005
I'm Agent Smith!
Sheesh! Didn't know that The Matrix was a show made based on my character! Good, I'm Neo. Bad, I'm Agent Smith. Wonderful! In this case I cann act as both characters! Probably I can do a Matrix rip-off with me having a split personality and My split personalities are going to be Neo and Agent Smith, who will fight each other other. Cool!
I'm Darth Vader!
This contradicts with the last quiz I did based on my horoscope. Hmm... maybe I'm a mix? Hehe.
Friday, 20 May 2005
What My Birth Date Means
| Your Birthdate: December 3 |
Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. |
May the Force be with me
It's the star wars craze! Finally after more than 2 years of agonizing waiting! the final episode is out! Hmm... watching Revenge of the Sith on Monday, Vesak Day. Gonna fully enjoy myself these few days before starting work mext next week onwards. Hope everyone else enjoys it too, 'cause mine gonna be totally terrible considering the number of arrows I've just been shot and stabbed by others and my own self. Dumbo.
| Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius |
 You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely. Star wars character you are most like: Yoda |
Thursday, 19 May 2005
Taking for granted
Found this two quizzes particular interesting, don't ask me why 'cause it's those sixth sense feeling I get once in a while. Probably it's because it tells me something about myself I would never have realised unless someone told me about it. In this case the 'someone' is the online quizzes.
Went out for job interviews these couple of days, mostly promoter jobs. Well promoter jobs aren't that bad considering I'm unemployed. Something is ALWAYS better than nothing, in jobs aspects. Well hopefully I'll get selected for the Panasonic-Communic Asia job. Pay is freaking good(if there's no changes to what we were told earlier), it's a whooping $150/day for 4 days and just 10am-6pm only. The other promoter job at polyclinic pharmacy selling medicated plasters and herbal candy, probably just kill time, I guess.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. Can't seem to brighten up my eyes, open up my ears and detect the reactions of people around me. It's not that I'm getting tired of all these, but the feeling of incompetency just gets to me too much. I know I can't handle people, my people skills is like near to zilch especially when it comes to people I'm familiar with, ironically. Probably because I take them for granted. It's like knowing that they understand my character, I boldly presume they can tolerate my wilfulness and insensitivity. It's high time I realised this flaw of mine and do something about it. In fact my problem is with rectifying the error rather than detecting and sourcing it out. I've long been telling myself about taking things for granted, more importantly take people I love and care for granted. Pardon me for my insensitive character. Reprimand me if you have to let me learn the hard way. If that is what I need to drill it in my head.
Went out for job interviews these couple of days, mostly promoter jobs. Well promoter jobs aren't that bad considering I'm unemployed. Something is ALWAYS better than nothing, in jobs aspects. Well hopefully I'll get selected for the Panasonic-Communic Asia job. Pay is freaking good(if there's no changes to what we were told earlier), it's a whooping $150/day for 4 days and just 10am-6pm only. The other promoter job at polyclinic pharmacy selling medicated plasters and herbal candy, probably just kill time, I guess.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself. Can't seem to brighten up my eyes, open up my ears and detect the reactions of people around me. It's not that I'm getting tired of all these, but the feeling of incompetency just gets to me too much. I know I can't handle people, my people skills is like near to zilch especially when it comes to people I'm familiar with, ironically. Probably because I take them for granted. It's like knowing that they understand my character, I boldly presume they can tolerate my wilfulness and insensitivity. It's high time I realised this flaw of mine and do something about it. In fact my problem is with rectifying the error rather than detecting and sourcing it out. I've long been telling myself about taking things for granted, more importantly take people I love and care for granted. Pardon me for my insensitive character. Reprimand me if you have to let me learn the hard way. If that is what I need to drill it in my head.
Wednesday, 18 May 2005
My Deadly Sins
Your Deadly Sins |
| Envy: 80% |
| Pride: 80% |
| Gluttony: 40% |
| Greed: 40% |
| Sloth: 40% |
| Wrath: 40% |
| Lust: 0% |
| Chance You'll Go to Hell: 46% |
| You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic. |
Keys to My Heart
The Keys to Your Heart |
| You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. |
| You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
| Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
| Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
| You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
| In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Saturday, 14 May 2005
Good things never come easy
Screwed up morning today. First woke up late and had to rush cab down to Harbourfront. Made dear wait for 45mins for me at the mrt station.(But I was ONLY 35mins late. Hehe.) Anyway ended up we didn't go Sentosa in the end. Had our GL meeting at Harbourfront Mac and left Harbourfront straight after that. It wasn't really a GL meeting I should say, considering only 4 GLs turned up and the CGL n ACGL. Crap. Got dua by Hengkia & Co. 'cause last minute all cannot make it and cancelled the outing. Goodness! The sun was so friendly today! Sucks.
But whatever the case, the whole day seemed to end in a pretty beautiful note. I didn't have to trouble myself with rushing down to Marina Bay to meet up with my Motorola gang. On top of that, I had some nice quiet couple time. It felt awkward telling him how happy or simply contented I felt being together when I did, but after that I'm just glad I did. Why? 'Cause it made both of us felt more assured of the relationship. Watched The Amityville Horror in replacement of the Sentosa outing. Quite a creepy show, had quite a few shrieks(as usual) throughout the show, but I thought it was quite good. Did a kinda funny thing. I sent him home! Haha! Sounds off? I dragged him up bus 70 that goes to his place and insisted I accomplanied him on his bus journey home. Don't know why I did that but just felt like being extra nice to him today.(Maybe 'cause I felt guilty about being late. Hehe.) Realised he lives two stops away from wen.
Read Jan's blog earlier about putting her best to achieve what she wants. Agreed. In fact earlier I was just expressing my thoughts about going for what you are interested in and what you feel will fulfil yourself much more. It may not be easy, but whoever said good things come easy? What's more important is that we give ourselves no regrets, leave no "ifs" for ourselves when we sit there in our rocking chairs at 70, as quoted from jan's blog. Studying is not everything but without it we'll be nothing. I believe in the saying that knowledge IS power, but what's more to it is the knowledge to apply. Applying it with the correct skills, techniques and of course the right attitudes. No point knowing every single skill in the book and applying it to prefection yet you do it with such cockiness, for example, which undermines all you could actually be worth.
Anyway should be getting to bed, 'cause I'm leaving home for Malaysia early morning at 5. Just a day trip though, but well getting away from the urban jungle for a while to visit some dragonfruit garden isn't that bad a thing. Maybe just the waking up part I guess.
Anyway dearies, I had a wonderful time on friday. It was great getting together chit-chatting like old times. But of course we all know it'll never be the same as before, sitting at KFC for hours bitching about the guys in class and stuff. Get together someday to do some groceries shopping and try to whip up maybe a 8-course meal? Anyway my boy-boy wouldn't mind joining for the food.(He's a big glutton.) Love you girls mils!!! Good luck to jan for her choir competition cum Europe trip and hope everything runs smoothly for yy during her bike lessons. For wen ah... erm... hope she'll be less clumsy? *giggLes*
But whatever the case, the whole day seemed to end in a pretty beautiful note. I didn't have to trouble myself with rushing down to Marina Bay to meet up with my Motorola gang. On top of that, I had some nice quiet couple time. It felt awkward telling him how happy or simply contented I felt being together when I did, but after that I'm just glad I did. Why? 'Cause it made both of us felt more assured of the relationship. Watched The Amityville Horror in replacement of the Sentosa outing. Quite a creepy show, had quite a few shrieks(as usual) throughout the show, but I thought it was quite good. Did a kinda funny thing. I sent him home! Haha! Sounds off? I dragged him up bus 70 that goes to his place and insisted I accomplanied him on his bus journey home. Don't know why I did that but just felt like being extra nice to him today.(Maybe 'cause I felt guilty about being late. Hehe.) Realised he lives two stops away from wen.
Read Jan's blog earlier about putting her best to achieve what she wants. Agreed. In fact earlier I was just expressing my thoughts about going for what you are interested in and what you feel will fulfil yourself much more. It may not be easy, but whoever said good things come easy? What's more important is that we give ourselves no regrets, leave no "ifs" for ourselves when we sit there in our rocking chairs at 70, as quoted from jan's blog. Studying is not everything but without it we'll be nothing. I believe in the saying that knowledge IS power, but what's more to it is the knowledge to apply. Applying it with the correct skills, techniques and of course the right attitudes. No point knowing every single skill in the book and applying it to prefection yet you do it with such cockiness, for example, which undermines all you could actually be worth.
Anyway should be getting to bed, 'cause I'm leaving home for Malaysia early morning at 5. Just a day trip though, but well getting away from the urban jungle for a while to visit some dragonfruit garden isn't that bad a thing. Maybe just the waking up part I guess.
Anyway dearies, I had a wonderful time on friday. It was great getting together chit-chatting like old times. But of course we all know it'll never be the same as before, sitting at KFC for hours bitching about the guys in class and stuff. Get together someday to do some groceries shopping and try to whip up maybe a 8-course meal? Anyway my boy-boy wouldn't mind joining for the food.(He's a big glutton.) Love you girls mils!!! Good luck to jan for her choir competition cum Europe trip and hope everything runs smoothly for yy during her bike lessons. For wen ah... erm... hope she'll be less clumsy? *giggLes*
Monday, 9 May 2005
Post-Exam Fun!
Feeling totally wonderful now. Well not from being bored and totally clueless on what to do at home, that is. But the fact that I'm actually slacking away with tonnes and tonnes of time to pile myself with that I can almost suffocate. Jobless still though, but who cares, I'm not gonna be stressing myself over that.
Had a great day on saturday. Dim sum lunch with my family in celebration of Mummy's day. (Oh yah, Happy Mummy's Day to MUAH dearest MI-MI! Well then again it's not as if she'll come online to see this message, but as they always say it's the thought that counts. Bleahz.) So fulfilling, stomach-wise from the good food and psychologically 'cause of the family time. Been a very long while since the last time the whole family sat down together for a proper meal together. Previously before I went Uni, Jie will always be out friends/boyfriend or work. Then when I started Uni last july, I'm the one who is often out-of-action. But then whatever the case I'll be back home much more frequently this 2 months. Cheerios to the holidays!
After lunch went over to Sentosa(Yeah again! Finally I get to go to the beach after months and months of yearning!) to meet my SC pals. Played so much beach volleyball that my shoulders and arms are kind of aching right now. But anything for the sun and the sand, topped off with wonderful company! For records purposes, shishi grace h.(who left before I came) cass huixia drey ck lenn shouwen jerhsuan yeehaun cla were there for the gathering. I totally suck at the game but whatever! I'm not there to impress anyone anyway. I know the SC guys too well to even bother about their reactions to my lousy play. Haha. Looking forward to another day like that.
Was supposed to join the gang for dinner after Sentosa, but i unintentionally got dear to wait for more than an hour for me in town. So had to be a good girl and go meet him before he got angree. Hehe. Really appreciate his waiting for me after my gathering. The night out was kinda boring('Cause we had no luck at the movies), but whatever the case time together is all that really matters, right? Made me realise I've really got to learn to be much more sensitive to him. Just feel that I'm thinking too much about myself most of the time and failing to take to heart his views and feelings. His sensitivity puts some kind pressure on me, but I'm not saying it's a bad thing though, just that I've got lots to learn about being together.
An activities-packed week ahead. Tomorrow likely to be going out for a movie. Wednesday meeting back in hall. Thursday Mummy's birthday(the 53rd!). Friday girl's day out to our old haunt the bubble tea hut at jubilee. Saturday motorola gang gathering. Hmm seems like I wouldn't be doing much of job-hunting this week. Can't be bothered though!
Had a great day on saturday. Dim sum lunch with my family in celebration of Mummy's day. (Oh yah, Happy Mummy's Day to MUAH dearest MI-MI! Well then again it's not as if she'll come online to see this message, but as they always say it's the thought that counts. Bleahz.) So fulfilling, stomach-wise from the good food and psychologically 'cause of the family time. Been a very long while since the last time the whole family sat down together for a proper meal together. Previously before I went Uni, Jie will always be out friends/boyfriend or work. Then when I started Uni last july, I'm the one who is often out-of-action. But then whatever the case I'll be back home much more frequently this 2 months. Cheerios to the holidays!
After lunch went over to Sentosa(Yeah again! Finally I get to go to the beach after months and months of yearning!) to meet my SC pals. Played so much beach volleyball that my shoulders and arms are kind of aching right now. But anything for the sun and the sand, topped off with wonderful company! For records purposes, shishi grace h.(who left before I came) cass huixia drey ck lenn shouwen jerhsuan yeehaun cla were there for the gathering. I totally suck at the game but whatever! I'm not there to impress anyone anyway. I know the SC guys too well to even bother about their reactions to my lousy play. Haha. Looking forward to another day like that.
Was supposed to join the gang for dinner after Sentosa, but i unintentionally got dear to wait for more than an hour for me in town. So had to be a good girl and go meet him before he got angree. Hehe. Really appreciate his waiting for me after my gathering. The night out was kinda boring('Cause we had no luck at the movies), but whatever the case time together is all that really matters, right? Made me realise I've really got to learn to be much more sensitive to him. Just feel that I'm thinking too much about myself most of the time and failing to take to heart his views and feelings. His sensitivity puts some kind pressure on me, but I'm not saying it's a bad thing though, just that I've got lots to learn about being together.
An activities-packed week ahead. Tomorrow likely to be going out for a movie. Wednesday meeting back in hall. Thursday Mummy's birthday(the 53rd!). Friday girl's day out to our old haunt the bubble tea hut at jubilee. Saturday motorola gang gathering. Hmm seems like I wouldn't be doing much of job-hunting this week. Can't be bothered though!
Sunday, 1 May 2005
I'll be there...
Happy May Day to everyone out there. Happy isn't exactly what I'm feeling now. Why? I'm not too sure. Probably a build-up of many things on my mind now. Let's start with the trivial stuff. For one, I've got a tuition lesson later and I've got no materials whatsoever for the poor girl to work with. Makes me feel so irresponsible going there with nothing to work with. Sigh. Then there's the stupid Thermo paper that's yet to be over. I'm already halfway out of the studying mood and I just can't seem to get my engine back on. Sigh. There isn't much of a choice starting tomorrow after the tuition lesson 'cause there wouldn't be much time left. Gotta start studying, by hook or by crook. Double sigh.
Anyway no more post-exam trip for me. 'Cause of some problem dear's facing at home, he feels he shouldn't be away. I guess even if he went he wouldn't really enjoy, 'cause his mind would probably be wondering how's things at home. Well, my decision was not to go as well since he didn't feel like it. Disappointed only because I thought the trip would be a good time for both of us to actually tie things up. All the loose ends hanging around, talk it out about what exactly is going on between the both of us. It seems things are pretty much stable already, but I can't help but feel the doubt, especially when I knew he was keeping his problems to himself. I understand that certain internal problems at home aren't that pleasant to say and I don't need the details, I just needed to know he's going through a tough time. I just wanted to let him know he doesn't have to pretend everything is alright. After he told me about it yesterday, when we were talking online about his deciding to pull out from the trip, I felt useless that I didn't detect his unease and I felt I didn't support him emotionally enough. I don't know maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe it's because of the show I watched in the afternoon about a husband keeping to himself about his job loss from his wife. His wife felt he didn't trust her enough to let her help in their problems. Maybe it's just the male's pride that they wouldn't let the females in on problems, thinking they can handle it, even though it may not be the best solution. Sigh. Well I guess right now these are the little situations we must face to test the both of us. Just hope dear will be feeling better soon and things at home will get better.
Anyway no more post-exam trip for me. 'Cause of some problem dear's facing at home, he feels he shouldn't be away. I guess even if he went he wouldn't really enjoy, 'cause his mind would probably be wondering how's things at home. Well, my decision was not to go as well since he didn't feel like it. Disappointed only because I thought the trip would be a good time for both of us to actually tie things up. All the loose ends hanging around, talk it out about what exactly is going on between the both of us. It seems things are pretty much stable already, but I can't help but feel the doubt, especially when I knew he was keeping his problems to himself. I understand that certain internal problems at home aren't that pleasant to say and I don't need the details, I just needed to know he's going through a tough time. I just wanted to let him know he doesn't have to pretend everything is alright. After he told me about it yesterday, when we were talking online about his deciding to pull out from the trip, I felt useless that I didn't detect his unease and I felt I didn't support him emotionally enough. I don't know maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe it's because of the show I watched in the afternoon about a husband keeping to himself about his job loss from his wife. His wife felt he didn't trust her enough to let her help in their problems. Maybe it's just the male's pride that they wouldn't let the females in on problems, thinking they can handle it, even though it may not be the best solution. Sigh. Well I guess right now these are the little situations we must face to test the both of us. Just hope dear will be feeling better soon and things at home will get better.
Friday, 29 April 2005
An innocent kiss
innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it that way
What Sign of Affection Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Hmm... Finally a day I can really relax. In fact tomorrow I'm gonna slack the day out and recharged my burnt out mind. Went jogging just now, realised my physique is getting from bad to worse. Need to do something about it. Felt fine during the jog, other than the fact that I can't seem to get my stupid muscles to start straining themselves. Finished the jog without aching muscles. Good but I felt less accomplished. Weird thinking right? Don't ask me why I think that way. 'Cause probably my only reasoning is that I believe in No Pain, No Gain. But the problem came after I finished the run. Stood up, blanked out for an exceptionally longer time than usual, and there was this tightness in my chest area. Sigh. Even felt nauseous. Lousy girl. But then again I didn't have to worry that much 'cause dear was with me then. He definitely would let anything bad happen to me even if I fainted right that moment. *giGgLeS*
One last paper to go. The Horrid THERMODYNAMICS. Okay, I shan't complain 'cause today is supposed to be a good day. After that gotta get down to packing my stuff and moving rooms. Lots of thing coming up after exams. Yup and I'm in high anticipation. Got this tuition job from the StarTutor agency I applied with. Sec 1 english and science. Shouldn't be a big problem, considering the crap I've been put through here in Uni. But let's not be complacent, gonna consult Yide about it, he seems quite pro when it comes to giving tuition. Haha.
Okay time to go get my laundry and do some mapling!!!
Monday, 11 April 2005
No longer the pessimistic
Okay back in hall to STUDY. Yes you heard it right. There's no lessons already and my first paper is on Friday, yet I'm in hall. Gonna spend my entire week studying and nothing else. Well... maybe a bit of games now and then to chill out and relax. Getting pretty skeptical about it. *RaisEs eyebrOw*
Anyway some updates. I PASSED MY DRIVING! Yeap, I'm now a QUALIFIED driver. ALMOST had the chance to drive back hall(under my parents' supervision still, of course), but couldn't get my P-plate so better not risk it. But I really think I did worse off then the last attempt, which I failed. In other words, although I failed the last time, I failed in a very steady manner. Whereas this time, although I passed, I passed in an absolutely un-glam way. Haha. Maybe mummy's right, I was god damn lucky and her prayers were answered for me to pass. *BlEahz* Whatever it is I've got my licence finally and that's all that matters. *GriNzZ*
So much to look forward to after exams. Going Genting with my hall friends almost immediately after exams end. Time to enjoy and finally settle matters between the two of us. Time to come to a decision where we are going to head towards. Shan't think about this now. It's far to distracting to do that now and I'll probably not come to any conclusion anyway. I'm also gonna get a taste of how single room-living is like. I've got to be ultimately lucky to get a single for the reallocation of residents for the Pre-U period, even Shu-Ying got a double room. Whatever the case I'm gonna be grateful and not cocky. Gotta find a way to kick that lousy cocky flaw. Can't wait to meet with all my friends! Jan, YY, Wen. 19th AJSC. The Motorola gang. Also start doing some handicraft. Found my carebear cross-stitch designs at home today, so inspired to do at least a couple of it! And ironically I'm looking forward to working! As in working with a salary. Also without, like for DnD and FOC. Can't wait to get back to all that planning and make a difference! Hmm... so many things! Better make sure I can fully enjoy it by doing well these 3 weeks! Wish me all the best! Thanks Jan!
Anyway some updates. I PASSED MY DRIVING! Yeap, I'm now a QUALIFIED driver. ALMOST had the chance to drive back hall(under my parents' supervision still, of course), but couldn't get my P-plate so better not risk it. But I really think I did worse off then the last attempt, which I failed. In other words, although I failed the last time, I failed in a very steady manner. Whereas this time, although I passed, I passed in an absolutely un-glam way. Haha. Maybe mummy's right, I was god damn lucky and her prayers were answered for me to pass. *BlEahz* Whatever it is I've got my licence finally and that's all that matters. *GriNzZ*
So much to look forward to after exams. Going Genting with my hall friends almost immediately after exams end. Time to enjoy and finally settle matters between the two of us. Time to come to a decision where we are going to head towards. Shan't think about this now. It's far to distracting to do that now and I'll probably not come to any conclusion anyway. I'm also gonna get a taste of how single room-living is like. I've got to be ultimately lucky to get a single for the reallocation of residents for the Pre-U period, even Shu-Ying got a double room. Whatever the case I'm gonna be grateful and not cocky. Gotta find a way to kick that lousy cocky flaw. Can't wait to meet with all my friends! Jan, YY, Wen. 19th AJSC. The Motorola gang. Also start doing some handicraft. Found my carebear cross-stitch designs at home today, so inspired to do at least a couple of it! And ironically I'm looking forward to working! As in working with a salary. Also without, like for DnD and FOC. Can't wait to get back to all that planning and make a difference! Hmm... so many things! Better make sure I can fully enjoy it by doing well these 3 weeks! Wish me all the best! Thanks Jan!
Wednesday, 6 April 2005
Thanks for all the encouragement
Ok, it's time to explain my absence for the last 2 weeks. I admit I was basically too lazy to blog 2 weeks ago. Whereas for last week I was really bogged down with quizzes, all of which i probably all "buang-ed". Oh there was the intensive driving lessons too. Why? 'Cause I'm taking my retest TOMORROW! Wish me luck! Hmm... *pRaYinG vEry vEry haRd*
Been very distracted the past weeks. I don't know if it's a good thing though. Looking at the big picture it certainly isn't, 'cause I probably wouldn't be able to study very effectively for the exams which is like less than a week away. Sigh. Get some sense into yourself girl! You don't want things to go wrong because of lousy grades. You made a promise to yourself that if your grades are affected this is not going to carry on and I'm sure you don't want this to happen. Sigh again.
Never felt like this before. To miss someone so often so much. I think I can now understand the feeling of the chinese saying "to not meet for a day is like going through 3 autumns". It's a mixed feeling of happiness, worry, anxiety and anger. Happy that he ever came into my life and open my shut-out mind. Worried that I may not be good enough and that I may not be able to concentrate. Anxious in a good way about what is to come for myself in the coming days, months and even years. Angry that I'm not dealing with this with a rational mind, prioritising my responsibilities. I wish not to have external factors affecting what may could blossom into a very beautiful chapter or even chapters in my life journey.
Thanks to all my friends who have been encouraging me constantly. Specially to Wilfred. I owe you a BIG one for always keeping a watchout for me and constantly keeping my on track. Although we've only known each other for less than a year but you have definitely left a deep impact in me. I've really learnt a lot from you.
This is for Jan. Don't stress yourself out too much k? Sometimes I feel you such a kan-chiong spider I don't know what to do with you. Take things on a lighter note sometimes. Your mind can only take so much pushing. I know you can do it, you always have. Remember you always remain in top spot in my heart k? *sMiLeZ*
Time to hit Microsoft Word and write my essay on Sense of Meaning & Purpose and also my notes and practise my maths. Oh! And hit the bed early too! Driving test tomorrow!
Been very distracted the past weeks. I don't know if it's a good thing though. Looking at the big picture it certainly isn't, 'cause I probably wouldn't be able to study very effectively for the exams which is like less than a week away. Sigh. Get some sense into yourself girl! You don't want things to go wrong because of lousy grades. You made a promise to yourself that if your grades are affected this is not going to carry on and I'm sure you don't want this to happen. Sigh again.
Never felt like this before. To miss someone so often so much. I think I can now understand the feeling of the chinese saying "to not meet for a day is like going through 3 autumns". It's a mixed feeling of happiness, worry, anxiety and anger. Happy that he ever came into my life and open my shut-out mind. Worried that I may not be good enough and that I may not be able to concentrate. Anxious in a good way about what is to come for myself in the coming days, months and even years. Angry that I'm not dealing with this with a rational mind, prioritising my responsibilities. I wish not to have external factors affecting what may could blossom into a very beautiful chapter or even chapters in my life journey.
Thanks to all my friends who have been encouraging me constantly. Specially to Wilfred. I owe you a BIG one for always keeping a watchout for me and constantly keeping my on track. Although we've only known each other for less than a year but you have definitely left a deep impact in me. I've really learnt a lot from you.
This is for Jan. Don't stress yourself out too much k? Sometimes I feel you such a kan-chiong spider I don't know what to do with you. Take things on a lighter note sometimes. Your mind can only take so much pushing. I know you can do it, you always have. Remember you always remain in top spot in my heart k? *sMiLeZ*
Time to hit Microsoft Word and write my essay on Sense of Meaning & Purpose and also my notes and practise my maths. Oh! And hit the bed early too! Driving test tomorrow!
Sunday, 3 April 2005
Monday, 21 March 2005
Princess treatment!
Damn. Procrastination's catching up on me again. Blogging has return to its once-a-week event status. Let's try harder this week k, girl? Sigh.
Anyway finally the tummy isn't hurting as bad or as frequent. Been getting tummyaches since last friday. Don't know if it was something I ate or what. Whatever the case went to see a doctor this afternoon, so hopefully the medicine works.
Last week. Ups and downs again. Tears and laughter. He went to do something kind of silly. Approached good friend and asked about Ed. Asked what you said? Silly is the only way to describe. He asked if Ed liked me. I was absolutely in shock when i knew what he did. Anyway before he got his reply from good friend and Ed, he talked to me about the matter. Of course it got me all confused AGAIN. It's like why he can't trust me enough to believe it was only a crush. Sigh. But he said something I couldn't not agree with, that trust isn't built just like that but over time like when we actually have been together for months. I'm guilty of the doubt in me. It's evident to myself from what I feel when I see him with some people. But of course when he found out the answer from Ed which is of course negative, things just seemed to fall back in place. I guess this is just one of the many obstacles prepared for us in the "probation period" I set for the both of us. It gives us that extra bit more confidence in US. Makes me cherish his presence even more, knowing than he care THIS much to do such a silly thing. SiLLy boy. My silly boy. And of course thank you Ed. Thank you for being the friend that I never expected to be there. Thank you for appearing to help me hold my dream back up together.
Enough of the emotional stuff. Went to do negotiation for the DnD venue at Rasa Sentosa on friday(Yup, that's when the tummyache started). Not a bad negotiation. However I figured we can never be satisfied with their offer so we're just gonna squeeze everything out of them. *Evil laughter* The best part of the day was going for the ADIDAS sale! Woah! For $90 I got 2 tops, 1 skirt and a pair of shoes! together with FREE water bottles! Haha! But I felt so bad going without Leon('cause I knew he very much wanted to go but couldn't due to GE project discussion). Bought him a tank top which didn't exactly make me feel much better 'cause during the DnD meeting his face was like so 'black'. Suspected that it was because I of me. First I went to the sale without him and missed my lessons to go. Then I didn't even come back to have dinner with him. Guilty. Luckily after that he sms-ed to say it was not really my fault, but largely because the whole day didn't go well for him and he was just a bit angry I wasn't there for him. But the expression on his face when I showed him the top just brightens up my day. Smile k, little boy? *wink wink*
Had a tri-comm retreat(JCRC-FOC-DnD) on Saturday. Fun but the tummyache was too much for me to take after lunch. Went back to my room, Leon was with me. Was in so much pain I couldn't even try any harder to not show it 'cause he looked so worried about me. He tucked me in bed and made sure I slept before he left. Felt good about it emotionally. Like a little princess. To have a guardian angel looking after me. Felt so much better that evening I went simply bonkers during the steamboat dinner, as if I was high from eating or some reasons. Had my share of fun, which is good with all the stress living in hall.
Today although he couldn't physically be there to take care of me, he continually got people to check on me and made sure I was fine. Didn't want him to find out but I guess I just can't hide from his watchful eyes. Bleahz. Feels good to be pampered.
Anyway finally the tummy isn't hurting as bad or as frequent. Been getting tummyaches since last friday. Don't know if it was something I ate or what. Whatever the case went to see a doctor this afternoon, so hopefully the medicine works.
Last week. Ups and downs again. Tears and laughter. He went to do something kind of silly. Approached good friend and asked about Ed. Asked what you said? Silly is the only way to describe. He asked if Ed liked me. I was absolutely in shock when i knew what he did. Anyway before he got his reply from good friend and Ed, he talked to me about the matter. Of course it got me all confused AGAIN. It's like why he can't trust me enough to believe it was only a crush. Sigh. But he said something I couldn't not agree with, that trust isn't built just like that but over time like when we actually have been together for months. I'm guilty of the doubt in me. It's evident to myself from what I feel when I see him with some people. But of course when he found out the answer from Ed which is of course negative, things just seemed to fall back in place. I guess this is just one of the many obstacles prepared for us in the "probation period" I set for the both of us. It gives us that extra bit more confidence in US. Makes me cherish his presence even more, knowing than he care THIS much to do such a silly thing. SiLLy boy. My silly boy. And of course thank you Ed. Thank you for being the friend that I never expected to be there. Thank you for appearing to help me hold my dream back up together.
Enough of the emotional stuff. Went to do negotiation for the DnD venue at Rasa Sentosa on friday(Yup, that's when the tummyache started). Not a bad negotiation. However I figured we can never be satisfied with their offer so we're just gonna squeeze everything out of them. *Evil laughter* The best part of the day was going for the ADIDAS sale! Woah! For $90 I got 2 tops, 1 skirt and a pair of shoes! together with FREE water bottles! Haha! But I felt so bad going without Leon('cause I knew he very much wanted to go but couldn't due to GE project discussion). Bought him a tank top which didn't exactly make me feel much better 'cause during the DnD meeting his face was like so 'black'. Suspected that it was because I of me. First I went to the sale without him and missed my lessons to go. Then I didn't even come back to have dinner with him. Guilty. Luckily after that he sms-ed to say it was not really my fault, but largely because the whole day didn't go well for him and he was just a bit angry I wasn't there for him. But the expression on his face when I showed him the top just brightens up my day. Smile k, little boy? *wink wink*
Had a tri-comm retreat(JCRC-FOC-DnD) on Saturday. Fun but the tummyache was too much for me to take after lunch. Went back to my room, Leon was with me. Was in so much pain I couldn't even try any harder to not show it 'cause he looked so worried about me. He tucked me in bed and made sure I slept before he left. Felt good about it emotionally. Like a little princess. To have a guardian angel looking after me. Felt so much better that evening I went simply bonkers during the steamboat dinner, as if I was high from eating or some reasons. Had my share of fun, which is good with all the stress living in hall.
Today although he couldn't physically be there to take care of me, he continually got people to check on me and made sure I was fine. Didn't want him to find out but I guess I just can't hide from his watchful eyes. Bleahz. Feels good to be pampered.
Monday, 14 March 2005
My first shooting star... and kiss
A very special day for me today. Nothing to do with yesterday's NTU Open House, which was kind of a flop from my point of view, since I didn't think response was fantastic at all. A few miserable souls loitering here and there, but still the DnD comm had our share of fun ourselves there.
Okay, back to why today's a day I'll be marking in my diary. And when I mean today I mean like March 14. Then you'll probably wonder "It's not even 4 hours into the day, what can possibly make it so memorable?" For starters, I saw my very first shooting star, with my very own eyes. Not on the news or any documentaries, but in the sky seen from the NTU campus. There I laid in the middle of NIE basketball courts with him. Just that very moment, a bright but sadly shortlived shooting star shot across and both of us caught it. Of course my natural instinct was to make a wish. So I quickly held my hands together, not even taking any chance to miss a second by letting go of his hand first, and made my wish. The wish shall remain a secret though. What made it extra unique was the appearance of the second shooting star, but this time round it was much more faint. Still both of us turn our gaze back to the sky just in time to catch it. Our first TWO shooting stars in one night, together with each other. Maybe I'm just lucky, just like being able to be with him. Or maybe it is him that's bringing me the luck. In fact I saw a third one myself which he didn't see, but what makes shooting stars special if when you have someone to see them with. Tonight the distance between us just got nearer. I don't know why I didn't hold back like I used to, but I guess it's probably because he's the right one.
Still he told me something which puts me in a very disturbed position, that he thinks he would likely not be my last. The reason he was still willing to be with me even though he was already getting tired of getting in and out of relationships was that hopefully someday when I find myself lost and alone I'll think back and remember him and maybe he'll have a second chance. I don't know if I'm getting his idea right, but I guess it's what he means. We are both uncertain, but please give me some time and I'll make sure I learn and do my part. He's probably right by saying by the time I reach 20 or more, my expectations and mentality will change and I might find the both of us going in separate directions. In any case, let's look at now can we? I don't wish to think of what possible endings may happen. For now I just want to know we both feel right about it and that you are still holding dear along this journey. Being able to love and feeling loved in return.
Okay, back to why today's a day I'll be marking in my diary. And when I mean today I mean like March 14. Then you'll probably wonder "It's not even 4 hours into the day, what can possibly make it so memorable?" For starters, I saw my very first shooting star, with my very own eyes. Not on the news or any documentaries, but in the sky seen from the NTU campus. There I laid in the middle of NIE basketball courts with him. Just that very moment, a bright but sadly shortlived shooting star shot across and both of us caught it. Of course my natural instinct was to make a wish. So I quickly held my hands together, not even taking any chance to miss a second by letting go of his hand first, and made my wish. The wish shall remain a secret though. What made it extra unique was the appearance of the second shooting star, but this time round it was much more faint. Still both of us turn our gaze back to the sky just in time to catch it. Our first TWO shooting stars in one night, together with each other. Maybe I'm just lucky, just like being able to be with him. Or maybe it is him that's bringing me the luck. In fact I saw a third one myself which he didn't see, but what makes shooting stars special if when you have someone to see them with. Tonight the distance between us just got nearer. I don't know why I didn't hold back like I used to, but I guess it's probably because he's the right one.
Still he told me something which puts me in a very disturbed position, that he thinks he would likely not be my last. The reason he was still willing to be with me even though he was already getting tired of getting in and out of relationships was that hopefully someday when I find myself lost and alone I'll think back and remember him and maybe he'll have a second chance. I don't know if I'm getting his idea right, but I guess it's what he means. We are both uncertain, but please give me some time and I'll make sure I learn and do my part. He's probably right by saying by the time I reach 20 or more, my expectations and mentality will change and I might find the both of us going in separate directions. In any case, let's look at now can we? I don't wish to think of what possible endings may happen. For now I just want to know we both feel right about it and that you are still holding dear along this journey. Being able to love and feeling loved in return.
Thursday, 10 March 2005
Jan's the King!
Can't concentrate in lecture right now. Haven't been able to do so from the beginning of the semester. Feeling so restless. Stomach's getting rowdy, gastric juices churning away. Bleahz, sucky feeling. Need food. Solution? Buy food. Problem? Forgot to bring my wallet and I forgot to bring my room key out in the morning and I'm now locked out of my room until roomie gets back or Shu-Ying does. Feel so dumb. Focus, girl! This isn't the time to get distracted! Sigh. But I chose to be in this situation. Something I can't go back on and don't want to either. Constantly looking forward to ending lessons so I can get back and see him. Probably that's what he means by being in the 'honeymoon' period. Just hope this honeymoon doesn't end so soon, too abruptly. *Grinz*
Met Jan yesterday at Clementi for dinner. Thanks for the Jap food! Nothing beats a nice girls' day out with our usual small talk and gossips. Told her about Leon. She seems happy for me, probably bacause of the 7 years we've known each other this is the first time she's seeing my love for another get reciprocated. Thanks, girl 'cause nothing beats the assurance from you. I promise you are still taking top spot on my list, I guess I would TRY to not 'dethrone' you so soon. Hehe!
Had Hall XII Appreciation Night yesterday too. Nice work JCRC, but probably the most part is still our own company though nonetheless efforts appreciated.
After the event went back to my room but feels so lethargic. Probably because of all the late nights. And yesterday I was just plain worried his mixing around with Richard & gang will get him smoking. "P I'm probably thinking too much. Gotta trust him to keep his promise. Today don't know why but I just felt like wearing a skirt. Maybe 'cause feeling more like a little lady recently. But all I'm getting are stares of disbelief! Hrmp! Went to lab got teased by stupid Raymond and SK. Ah Tay also had to stick his nose in too by saying I didn't know how to do the logsheet calculation 'cause I'm wearing a skirt and can't think! *Blood boils* Today's question of the day has gotta be "Why are you wearing a skirt today?" Goodness. You mean a girl has to have a reason to wear a skirt? FYI I AM female for all you guys out there. Stupid Weixin! The expression is not much better than the teasing I'm getting from the guys in lab. |P Next time I'm thinking of wearing a skirt I probably gotta consider if I can take all the expressions of disbelief and questioning. Sigh.
Met Jan yesterday at Clementi for dinner. Thanks for the Jap food! Nothing beats a nice girls' day out with our usual small talk and gossips. Told her about Leon. She seems happy for me, probably bacause of the 7 years we've known each other this is the first time she's seeing my love for another get reciprocated. Thanks, girl 'cause nothing beats the assurance from you. I promise you are still taking top spot on my list, I guess I would TRY to not 'dethrone' you so soon. Hehe!
Had Hall XII Appreciation Night yesterday too. Nice work JCRC, but probably the most part is still our own company though nonetheless efforts appreciated.
After the event went back to my room but feels so lethargic. Probably because of all the late nights. And yesterday I was just plain worried his mixing around with Richard & gang will get him smoking. "P I'm probably thinking too much. Gotta trust him to keep his promise. Today don't know why but I just felt like wearing a skirt. Maybe 'cause feeling more like a little lady recently. But all I'm getting are stares of disbelief! Hrmp! Went to lab got teased by stupid Raymond and SK. Ah Tay also had to stick his nose in too by saying I didn't know how to do the logsheet calculation 'cause I'm wearing a skirt and can't think! *Blood boils* Today's question of the day has gotta be "Why are you wearing a skirt today?" Goodness. You mean a girl has to have a reason to wear a skirt? FYI I AM female for all you guys out there. Stupid Weixin! The expression is not much better than the teasing I'm getting from the guys in lab. |P Next time I'm thinking of wearing a skirt I probably gotta consider if I can take all the expressions of disbelief and questioning. Sigh.
Monday, 7 March 2005
Living the dream
Seems like a dream. In fact I'm still adjusting to the fact that it's reality this time. A month ago I was still having this major crush on Ed, now I'm halfway on the road with another. I can't say he's just any other guy. He's probably the first guy I really took notice of from the day I stepped into hall. I admit the looks played a part. (Hey, be realistic who wouldn't give a cute guy a second glance? Especially when you're still single at the age of 19?) Pretty upset when I found out he was with another girl then, especially someone I didn't really grow to like very much. Probably that was why I deviated my attention elsewhere. That was when Ed came into view. All the things I thought was fate, probably was paving the journey for friendship but I chose to take it in another sense. In any case, my crush on Ed has proven to be another puppy love, self-imaginary situation. We'll probably grow to be very good friends, talk to and listen to each other when we face problems.
Actually I had the same feeling as he did. During that night of the NTU Band concert at VCH, I feel the tingle I used to feel when I first saw him. And somehow I felt the little tug in me saying "Hey there he is!" compelling me to catch your attention somehow. Each time I go over to Jieming's room, the first room I look out for when I walk down the stairs isn't his. Probably he never really noticed my extra little effort in showing my more feminine character, or could be I was still holding back. From then I felt we made progress inch by inch. The care and concern start exceed the boundaries of a friend. And I didn't back off at his advancements like used to with other guys. It gave me that assurance I'm finally in view of the person I've been keeping my heart in for so long.
On Saturday, I somehow made the decision to 'test water'. I wanted to know if he felt the same way as I am. I grew dependent on him. I kept his attention on me the best I could. Maybe I really didn't have to do that but I was uncertain. We sat down alone at a corner in Newsroom Bar. I was completely sober. He put his arms around my shoulders but I didn't the least bit felt wrong about anything. Instead I chose to just let myself be cuddled, to feel safe with him. The dancefloor didn't attract me one bit. My eyes were fixated on him the whole night. We finally took our chance and talked about our situation. I agreed we should take things slowly. I need to be guided and I feel he's going to be the one to do so. It may be still difficult for me to say 'yes' immediately right now but only because I'm afraid I may not be good enough.
Whatever others say don't bother, I'll do my part to learn to be a good partner. I just hope Leon will hold on to me tight on this journey 'cause I'm afraid I'll lose my way.
Actually I had the same feeling as he did. During that night of the NTU Band concert at VCH, I feel the tingle I used to feel when I first saw him. And somehow I felt the little tug in me saying "Hey there he is!" compelling me to catch your attention somehow. Each time I go over to Jieming's room, the first room I look out for when I walk down the stairs isn't his. Probably he never really noticed my extra little effort in showing my more feminine character, or could be I was still holding back. From then I felt we made progress inch by inch. The care and concern start exceed the boundaries of a friend. And I didn't back off at his advancements like used to with other guys. It gave me that assurance I'm finally in view of the person I've been keeping my heart in for so long.
On Saturday, I somehow made the decision to 'test water'. I wanted to know if he felt the same way as I am. I grew dependent on him. I kept his attention on me the best I could. Maybe I really didn't have to do that but I was uncertain. We sat down alone at a corner in Newsroom Bar. I was completely sober. He put his arms around my shoulders but I didn't the least bit felt wrong about anything. Instead I chose to just let myself be cuddled, to feel safe with him. The dancefloor didn't attract me one bit. My eyes were fixated on him the whole night. We finally took our chance and talked about our situation. I agreed we should take things slowly. I need to be guided and I feel he's going to be the one to do so. It may be still difficult for me to say 'yes' immediately right now but only because I'm afraid I may not be good enough.
Whatever others say don't bother, I'll do my part to learn to be a good partner. I just hope Leon will hold on to me tight on this journey 'cause I'm afraid I'll lose my way.
Monday, 28 February 2005
My dreams tell me life's good
Took a quiz regarding my dreams. Here's the results:
On Top of the World
Congratulations! Your quiz score reveals that you feel strong, confident and in control. Maybe you recently found the love of your life, or perhaps your boss is finally rewarding you for the all the extra business you've been bringing into the office. Whatever the case, you feel secure with yourself and ready to take on any future challenges. Just remember, there are some things in life that we can never control -- so if you slip from your pedestal of power from time to time, don't be too hard on yourself.
On Top of the World
Congratulations! Your quiz score reveals that you feel strong, confident and in control. Maybe you recently found the love of your life, or perhaps your boss is finally rewarding you for the all the extra business you've been bringing into the office. Whatever the case, you feel secure with yourself and ready to take on any future challenges. Just remember, there are some things in life that we can never control -- so if you slip from your pedestal of power from time to time, don't be too hard on yourself.
I'm Back!
Goodness. Procrastination must be my middle name, in fact it should be my first name. Can't seem to get my work done in time, even if I have like more than a couple of days. A very good example? Take this blog. I used to be blogging almost everyday last year, but ever since sem 2 started the frequency is like diminishing like mad. Okay, new year's resolution number 1: To STOP procrastinating, starting with blogging regularly (in fact, by starting my anti-procrastination campaign with blogging is my alternative form of escapism. Why? 'Cause rationally speaking I should be putting studies before bloging, but c'mon give me some credit for starting somewhere at least.)
Time to review on what I've been doing the past 2 weeks.
Valentine's Day was kinda dull in fact. School and nothing else. No dinner with any special person or whatsoever. Okay I spent my 14th Feb looking for alphabets in pasta. Nuts? Yup. Just because I was too scared to solely make just ONE for him(which would have made my life so much easier), I chose to do a cover-up and make 1 each for everyone in the Movie Production committee. Dumbass. So the result of it was 12 hours continuous of eyes-straining, fingers-cramping handicraft. Lucky for me, my effort was appreciated. Anyway come to think of it, it wasn't that dull considering I got what I sorta wished for. Ed gave me a single stalk tulip bouquet(it wasn't the most nicely wrapped but I'm glad enough.), my favourite flower from the person I hoped for. Of course, our dear FOC Chief GL and Asst. CGL also made it a point all the female GLs got their share of the V Day love. Thanks for that! Dear Kelvin too in all his denial that his not a kai-zi, still sent me a a bouquet of yellow roses(with no knowledge that it means breaking up for couples. HaHa!). Good Friend too. In a way I expected it but what I didn't expect was it to be such a big bouquet. 12 red roses. Goodness. $45 freaking dollars. Somebody save me. Okay get a grip so far you are still safe, just keep on your guard in case his decide to make any other "attacks".
15th Feb. Movie Production screening. Went late because of Dancetitude rehearsal. Roomie was there with me luckily. Didn't feel as awkward. Thanks girl. Disappointingly peaceful for me. Someone else was in line for "sabotage" with Ed, Melody or no Melody. Sigh. Just be glad for the other little things ba. Oh and Happy Birthday to Co-Director "Big-Eyes" Kenneth.
The rest of the week was hectic, hectic! Dancetitude rehearsals all the way after lessons every day. Make-up was horrendous! I look like a demon! Like the kind you see in the chinese kungfu serials, the fox demon or whatever bad slutty character you can think of. How am I suppose to look FINE with THICK eyeliner and ORANGE eyeshadow?! Not possible. But thanks to all the little stuff performance for both nights was good! Thanks to all fellow dancers and Dancetitude comm members(although there was some screw-up here and there which I was quite fed-up with). Thanks for the support, (deep breath)Shu-Ying Jansen Leon Yanz Kelv Jieming SK Raymond Andy Shuting Liyun Jan YY Roomie Fred Leonard Marcus PeiQi Lenn CK Clarence YeeHaun. Heehee! Seriously appreciate it! Post-Dancetitude on Saturday with Craziness at Cocco-Latte. Wasn't drunk or what, but I felt I was kinda wild for my state of mind. But whatever as long as I'm having fun!
Recess week. Not much of a rest or study week AT ALL. Kayaking was on the way and DnD stuff is all crap now. Flared up during meetin on monday(21/2). Couldn't stand the way the comm was working. Can't trust my comm members to work. How am I supposed to feel motivated? Crap. I admit I was kinda throwing a tantrum myself but forgive me but it's ben bottling up for quite a while. No offence to the heads, but I just can't trust you guys to handle the people. Probably gonna get the DnD venue issue outta the way by tomorrow and do my part of in the committee for my portfolio.
Seems like that night I wasn't the only depressed person after meeting. Ed didn't feel too good either. Had a short msn chat then he asked to not chat through net. I thought he meant to end the conversation but instead he actually meant to meet up and talk. So we met and talked. Wasn't in a too fantastic mood, even meeting Ed couldn't cheer me up enough for a smile. A very personal chat but also a very sad one. A very long one too. We met late at 3 4plus, until early morning 6plus when the birds started to chirp and the sky brighten up. A very beautiful moment. Feels good he actually approached me to chat or simply to lend a listening ear. Cheer up, dude.
Thursday(24/2). Kayaking expedition. Kayaked with Leon. Goodness! He's such a slacker! Okay, he was just trying to play around. Took care of me quite well, getting me to hydrate myself and the little stuff. Got terribly burnt. Didn't realise the burn until I about dinnertime. Had a personal time with Leon throughout the day. Felt close and a possibility of being with him. But I guess he might be taking it as just taking care of a little sister. But thanks for the concern still. Some people thought we were an item but I really don't know, probably it needs more time.
The next day when I was at SK and Jieming's room doing CH1010 project, just before I left Jieming asked me if Leon was after me. I said no but in fact I too don't know the answer and probably waiting for it too.
Met the 4/1 gang for lunch for Liyun's birthday on Saturday. Simple lunch at Suntec Fish & Co. with small talk. Went for Jan's NUS Choir concert that night. Did great, girl. Thought I wouldn't really enjoy it, but I actually did. All the best for your upcoming competition.
Came back to campus on Sunday. Sis drove me back. Correction. Adrian(Sis's boyfriend) was the one driving. She suddenly asked about the photos in my screensaver. Suddenly we were on the topic of getting attached. I wished too but sorry sis, not that I don't want but that the person is just not there yet. Not sad about it just something not within my control. Let it be ba.
Anyway now I should be concentrate on my quiz later. Haha! Blogging for the past hour, okok time to end this entry. Adios!
Time to review on what I've been doing the past 2 weeks.
Valentine's Day was kinda dull in fact. School and nothing else. No dinner with any special person or whatsoever. Okay I spent my 14th Feb looking for alphabets in pasta. Nuts? Yup. Just because I was too scared to solely make just ONE for him(which would have made my life so much easier), I chose to do a cover-up and make 1 each for everyone in the Movie Production committee. Dumbass. So the result of it was 12 hours continuous of eyes-straining, fingers-cramping handicraft. Lucky for me, my effort was appreciated. Anyway come to think of it, it wasn't that dull considering I got what I sorta wished for. Ed gave me a single stalk tulip bouquet(it wasn't the most nicely wrapped but I'm glad enough.), my favourite flower from the person I hoped for. Of course, our dear FOC Chief GL and Asst. CGL also made it a point all the female GLs got their share of the V Day love. Thanks for that! Dear Kelvin too in all his denial that his not a kai-zi, still sent me a a bouquet of yellow roses(with no knowledge that it means breaking up for couples. HaHa!). Good Friend too. In a way I expected it but what I didn't expect was it to be such a big bouquet. 12 red roses. Goodness. $45 freaking dollars. Somebody save me. Okay get a grip so far you are still safe, just keep on your guard in case his decide to make any other "attacks".
15th Feb. Movie Production screening. Went late because of Dancetitude rehearsal. Roomie was there with me luckily. Didn't feel as awkward. Thanks girl. Disappointingly peaceful for me. Someone else was in line for "sabotage" with Ed, Melody or no Melody. Sigh. Just be glad for the other little things ba. Oh and Happy Birthday to Co-Director "Big-Eyes" Kenneth.
The rest of the week was hectic, hectic! Dancetitude rehearsals all the way after lessons every day. Make-up was horrendous! I look like a demon! Like the kind you see in the chinese kungfu serials, the fox demon or whatever bad slutty character you can think of. How am I suppose to look FINE with THICK eyeliner and ORANGE eyeshadow?! Not possible. But thanks to all the little stuff performance for both nights was good! Thanks to all fellow dancers and Dancetitude comm members(although there was some screw-up here and there which I was quite fed-up with). Thanks for the support, (deep breath)Shu-Ying Jansen Leon Yanz Kelv Jieming SK Raymond Andy Shuting Liyun Jan YY Roomie Fred Leonard Marcus PeiQi Lenn CK Clarence YeeHaun. Heehee! Seriously appreciate it! Post-Dancetitude on Saturday with Craziness at Cocco-Latte. Wasn't drunk or what, but I felt I was kinda wild for my state of mind. But whatever as long as I'm having fun!
Recess week. Not much of a rest or study week AT ALL. Kayaking was on the way and DnD stuff is all crap now. Flared up during meetin on monday(21/2). Couldn't stand the way the comm was working. Can't trust my comm members to work. How am I supposed to feel motivated? Crap. I admit I was kinda throwing a tantrum myself but forgive me but it's ben bottling up for quite a while. No offence to the heads, but I just can't trust you guys to handle the people. Probably gonna get the DnD venue issue outta the way by tomorrow and do my part of in the committee for my portfolio.
Seems like that night I wasn't the only depressed person after meeting. Ed didn't feel too good either. Had a short msn chat then he asked to not chat through net. I thought he meant to end the conversation but instead he actually meant to meet up and talk. So we met and talked. Wasn't in a too fantastic mood, even meeting Ed couldn't cheer me up enough for a smile. A very personal chat but also a very sad one. A very long one too. We met late at 3 4plus, until early morning 6plus when the birds started to chirp and the sky brighten up. A very beautiful moment. Feels good he actually approached me to chat or simply to lend a listening ear. Cheer up, dude.
Thursday(24/2). Kayaking expedition. Kayaked with Leon. Goodness! He's such a slacker! Okay, he was just trying to play around. Took care of me quite well, getting me to hydrate myself and the little stuff. Got terribly burnt. Didn't realise the burn until I about dinnertime. Had a personal time with Leon throughout the day. Felt close and a possibility of being with him. But I guess he might be taking it as just taking care of a little sister. But thanks for the concern still. Some people thought we were an item but I really don't know, probably it needs more time.
The next day when I was at SK and Jieming's room doing CH1010 project, just before I left Jieming asked me if Leon was after me. I said no but in fact I too don't know the answer and probably waiting for it too.
Met the 4/1 gang for lunch for Liyun's birthday on Saturday. Simple lunch at Suntec Fish & Co. with small talk. Went for Jan's NUS Choir concert that night. Did great, girl. Thought I wouldn't really enjoy it, but I actually did. All the best for your upcoming competition.
Came back to campus on Sunday. Sis drove me back. Correction. Adrian(Sis's boyfriend) was the one driving. She suddenly asked about the photos in my screensaver. Suddenly we were on the topic of getting attached. I wished too but sorry sis, not that I don't want but that the person is just not there yet. Not sad about it just something not within my control. Let it be ba.
Anyway now I should be concentrate on my quiz later. Haha! Blogging for the past hour, okok time to end this entry. Adios!
Monday, 14 February 2005
Happy Valentine's 2005
A very long time lapse since my last entry. My excuse? Tired. My argument for it? Dance. In fact it's quite a valid reason, so much so that I can't agree with it being an excuse. Crap. Whatever the case this week is the crunch. In less than a week I'll be up on the humungus stage in the Nanyang Auditorium, to a uncertain crowd of audience. I've got nothing more to say about it but for my hardwork to pay off with a huge sense of satisfaction after the 18th and 19th.
Last night(technically it's this morning), got home only at 4 plus. Shouldn't be too proud of it considering the fact that I'm leaving in an Asian country and that I'm only 19-plus-going-on-20 and more importantly FEMALE. Sadly I didn't feel remorseful about not having informed my parents about the late night. Why? I was recording the voice for movie production film. It's pretty obvious by now(if you've been reading the earlier entries) why I'm not remorseful. I'm making life happier, taking a step to another phase of my life. Romance. Sigh. Maybe it's only my wishful thinking but he said he enjoyed the times during the filming. Hopefully I had a part to contribute to that. Anyway really have to thank Joshua(Wilfred's friend, part of the sound and audio company HOMEstudio) for helping us out. It's definitely a substandard production as compared to other projects he did, but he still seemed very helpful and friendly. Thanks again.
This afternoon learnt to wrap flowers. Actually i kind of learnt it before but never really tried it. Quite proud of myself for the commendable effort. *Applause* but probably my colour co-ordination still sucks big time. Oops, shouldn't be saying such things during new year period.
OK time to get back to studying. Material Science.
Oh. Happy Valentine's everyone.
Last night(technically it's this morning), got home only at 4 plus. Shouldn't be too proud of it considering the fact that I'm leaving in an Asian country and that I'm only 19-plus-going-on-20 and more importantly FEMALE. Sadly I didn't feel remorseful about not having informed my parents about the late night. Why? I was recording the voice for movie production film. It's pretty obvious by now(if you've been reading the earlier entries) why I'm not remorseful. I'm making life happier, taking a step to another phase of my life. Romance. Sigh. Maybe it's only my wishful thinking but he said he enjoyed the times during the filming. Hopefully I had a part to contribute to that. Anyway really have to thank Joshua(Wilfred's friend, part of the sound and audio company HOMEstudio) for helping us out. It's definitely a substandard production as compared to other projects he did, but he still seemed very helpful and friendly. Thanks again.
This afternoon learnt to wrap flowers. Actually i kind of learnt it before but never really tried it. Quite proud of myself for the commendable effort. *Applause* but probably my colour co-ordination still sucks big time. Oops, shouldn't be saying such things during new year period.
OK time to get back to studying. Material Science.
Oh. Happy Valentine's everyone.
Sunday, 6 February 2005
PRIDE my greatest downfall
 | You scored as Pride.
Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, 3 February 2005
I'm Summer!
You scored as Summer. You are SUMMER. Life is to be -lived-.. dance, sing, and make merry. Adversity is simply something to overcome. You embrace life with both arms, not only because you love it, but to squeeze out of it all that you can.
Summer | 80% | ||
Fall | 75% | ||
Winter | 55% | ||
Spring | 50% |
What Season Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com
I'm a Hairspray Musical!
You scored as Hairspray. You are HAIRSPRAY! You believe in equality for all, and want to prove to the world that you can do anything that anyone else can, if not better than them. You might not find yourself to be the most beautiful person ever, but you are happy with who you are and work with what you have got. Everyone in life needs to have someone to love.
Your song: Without Love
Your color: Blue
Hairspray | 75% | ||
Little Shop of Horrors | 63% | ||
Rent | 56% | ||
Phantom of the Opera | 50% | ||
Avenue Q | 44% | ||
Wicked | 38% |
Which musical are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
I'm a Severus Snape!
You scored as Severus Snape. You have a very dark exterior, which makes others automatically form negative opinions on you. But those who have truly gotten to know you know that you're an astounding person that has been through certain life-altering events that make you so unique. You never wear your feelings on your sleeve, making you very secretive. You can be unfair because you hold strong grudges and may love revenge a little too much. You're mysterious and even somewhat misunderstood. But that's why you're such an interesting person.
Harry Potter Character Combatibility Test created with QuizFarm.com |
I'm a Frodo Baggins!
You scored as Frodo. You're Frodo Baggins! Frodo is a somewhat timid hobbit of the Shire, but he sets out on a dangerous journey to save Middle Earth, though the quest will change his life forever. Frodo is a selfless being, and his loyal friends will help him through his hardships.
"We set out to save the Shire, Sam, and it has been saved... but not for me."
Frodo | 81% | ||
Eowyn | 81% | ||
Arwen | 75% | ||
Pippin | 63% | ||
Samwise | 63% | ||
Gandalf | 56% | ||
Faramir | 56% | ||
Aragorn | 50% | ||
Gollum | 44% |
Which LOTR character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
Friday, 28 January 2005
Vroom vroom to a driving licence
Got driving test later in the afternoon and I'm still up at this hour! Goodness! Hopefully I'll stay calm (more importantly awake) and drive steadily. Pass it the 1st time round. Wish me luck!
Thursday, 27 January 2005
Dancetitude on the loose!
FINALLY got better after 3 days of on-off sickness. Been dancing non-stop lately. I'm now back to the same old days when we were training for cheerleading, DAILY trainings but for Dancetitude this time round. Pray hard everything works out well. Good audience turnout, fantastic sound and lightings and absolutely stunning performance from all of us at Modern Jazz.
Somehow I'm beginning to feel that I made a right choice hanging on to Dancetitude. It's not about the ECA points or learning of new steps and style. Somehow it's the self-fulfilment that the time management and flow of energy that is continuously pumped through your body and mind. I think I'm beginning to understand what the seniors mean by we wouldn't understand until we have really gone through the event. Right now I'm getting very hyped up about Dancetitude already. Right now everything is Dancetitude in Dancetitude out, hopefully it stays till after 19Feb. A highly possible likelihood.
Oh ya. Hall 12 Idol just passed. Yew Hong(aka Baby) won the 1st ever Hall 12 Idol title. Ed sang at the competition too. Too bad I wasn't there to hear it for myself. Not to worry I'll make sure I get my chance to hear it again. He was complaining I didn't ask him about how he was feeling after I knew he didn't win. Hmm. Things seem to be going quite well, at least we are on talking, joking terms. He seems relatively happy and jovial whenever I see him. Very contrasting to the him that I imagined or the cool, couldn't be bothered and pessimistic guy that he claims he is. I don't think it's only me that experience such a difference in him, I don't have that confidence to make such an impact. Now that the filming is over, chances to associate with him are ever slimmer, once again. Guess I'll go back to the days where I'll just peer out of my door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at his corridor.
Somehow I'm beginning to feel that I made a right choice hanging on to Dancetitude. It's not about the ECA points or learning of new steps and style. Somehow it's the self-fulfilment that the time management and flow of energy that is continuously pumped through your body and mind. I think I'm beginning to understand what the seniors mean by we wouldn't understand until we have really gone through the event. Right now I'm getting very hyped up about Dancetitude already. Right now everything is Dancetitude in Dancetitude out, hopefully it stays till after 19Feb. A highly possible likelihood.
Oh ya. Hall 12 Idol just passed. Yew Hong(aka Baby) won the 1st ever Hall 12 Idol title. Ed sang at the competition too. Too bad I wasn't there to hear it for myself. Not to worry I'll make sure I get my chance to hear it again. He was complaining I didn't ask him about how he was feeling after I knew he didn't win. Hmm. Things seem to be going quite well, at least we are on talking, joking terms. He seems relatively happy and jovial whenever I see him. Very contrasting to the him that I imagined or the cool, couldn't be bothered and pessimistic guy that he claims he is. I don't think it's only me that experience such a difference in him, I don't have that confidence to make such an impact. Now that the filming is over, chances to associate with him are ever slimmer, once again. Guess I'll go back to the days where I'll just peer out of my door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at his corridor.
Friday, 21 January 2005
26 hours non-stop action
Goodness this is a miracle I'm still alive and tapping away on my laptop. A full day of lessons from 0830 to 2030, followed closely by dance practice till 2230. Back in hall settling DnD stuff till 0000, and started filming from 0045 until 0530 in the morning. To top it all off, I had driving lessons at 0700 until 0900, before I had to head back hall to pick up my stuff. Supposedly ideally speaking I should have came back, packed up and already home by now, but the bed was just too alluring. Simply irresistable.
This week has really been a terribly hectic week. (Just consider the "no-time-ness" that I can't even blog a short paragraph.) Even if I was any freer, I'll probably not have the energy or concentration to write anything constructive or meaningful. Dance practices EVERY SINGLE night since monday. Felt real disappointed with myself, but I'm determined to pick up the pieces and put my disappointment to good effort. Watch out for me on 18 and 19 Feb!
Filming was unusually smooth and effective although it still took a while to get everything done. The heart-wrenching scene of the misunderstanding between Mel and Keith, leading to the intense pursuit and exclamation of their true feelings. Sounds good? I hope it looks looks too. The moment felt good. Being held close to his chest, tightly. Although I was required to struggle free from his embrace, I had rather just let my worn-out body laid on him. He seems more natural now as compared to the first few filmings. I guess me too. More comfortable with each other which is a good thing. Supposedly some credits goes to me for making the chemistry happen. Now my dear piglet sits in his room after this early morning's filming. I wonder how he's doing. Filming was suppose to resume at 10am after the night's filming, I wonder how they are doing now. I wonder if he is taking it fine. His eyes were all red and tired, to make things look worst he was sniffling as well. He seemed so dead-beat that I wish I could just pull him close and let him just rest at ease on my shoulders. To treat him like a little boy and tuck him into bed, whispering to him "Just let go of everything for now. Let me handle it for you.". I myself need that badly too. To be treated like a frail little child.
Well probably that's all for now. Got to get my butt up and about. Pack my stuff and head home for a thorough recuperation period. Ed, you too. You probably can't handle 6 hours of tuition in your present state. I don't wanna see you collapse, so I beg of you to take care of yourself. My body too is begging my mind to ease off for a while and get real decent sleep.
This week has really been a terribly hectic week. (Just consider the "no-time-ness" that I can't even blog a short paragraph.) Even if I was any freer, I'll probably not have the energy or concentration to write anything constructive or meaningful. Dance practices EVERY SINGLE night since monday. Felt real disappointed with myself, but I'm determined to pick up the pieces and put my disappointment to good effort. Watch out for me on 18 and 19 Feb!
Filming was unusually smooth and effective although it still took a while to get everything done. The heart-wrenching scene of the misunderstanding between Mel and Keith, leading to the intense pursuit and exclamation of their true feelings. Sounds good? I hope it looks looks too. The moment felt good. Being held close to his chest, tightly. Although I was required to struggle free from his embrace, I had rather just let my worn-out body laid on him. He seems more natural now as compared to the first few filmings. I guess me too. More comfortable with each other which is a good thing. Supposedly some credits goes to me for making the chemistry happen. Now my dear piglet sits in his room after this early morning's filming. I wonder how he's doing. Filming was suppose to resume at 10am after the night's filming, I wonder how they are doing now. I wonder if he is taking it fine. His eyes were all red and tired, to make things look worst he was sniffling as well. He seemed so dead-beat that I wish I could just pull him close and let him just rest at ease on my shoulders. To treat him like a little boy and tuck him into bed, whispering to him "Just let go of everything for now. Let me handle it for you.". I myself need that badly too. To be treated like a frail little child.
Well probably that's all for now. Got to get my butt up and about. Pack my stuff and head home for a thorough recuperation period. Ed, you too. You probably can't handle 6 hours of tuition in your present state. I don't wanna see you collapse, so I beg of you to take care of yourself. My body too is begging my mind to ease off for a while and get real decent sleep.
Friday, 14 January 2005
My inner soul calls for help!
Your inner soul is calling for help! You always seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior, but in all reality you are hurt inside and bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you wonder why are you still here when there is nothing left? You use to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again. However, you have yet seemed to realize that there are people out there that deeply care for you. They secretly have a thing for you because they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest person in the world! You like to enjoy your time by yourself expressing your feelings through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe. Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where you can hide out, hidden from those who gave you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have some fun! Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say?
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Cheerleading
It's been a long long week. An entire week of cheerleading and today it's all over. All the hard work over the past few months paid off in some way. Although it wasn't paid through a win or recognition, I believe we were all rewarded by a successful routine. I went smoothly up both times for liberty and did my dances right. Round of applause for all the cheerleaders.But, yes I agree, the bonding just wasn't there. I don't know but didn't enjoy the supper after the performance. Maybe it's due to many unforeseen circumstances that give rise to such a situation, nonetheless next year will be a better year. Doesn't mean I'll be joining next year, but in any case even as a outsider's point of view I expect the attachment still to the event. Grow up everyone. We've got a long way to go still.Let me do some reporting for the Hall Olympiad opening ceremony Cheerleading competition. This year the big winner is Hall VI, taking home the Best Mascot and Cheerleading champions. With Hall VII in second and Hall XV in third. They deserve it. Congrats to all winning halls. Better luck and harder work next year for the other halls.
Friday, 7 January 2005
You are your own world.
The last school day of the first week of Sem 2. Relieved that the weekend is here. Worried 'cause school will start full force next week(with all the tutorials and lab). Anxious 'cause the competition is up next week and our team isn't in its best physical condition. All heavenly beings please I truly pray that you bless them all. Keep them safe and their chins up high. I wish not to see our efforts go to waste due to uncontrollable circumstances. Thank you.
The past few days have been really emotional. But I figured that it was partially because I over-reacted. My ego doesn't allow me to put the full blame on myself. I refuse to accept the full blame. I was removed from part of the routine because I was too short. I can't help it. They can't help it too and I understand. What I can't get over is the fact that no one bothered to note the problem earlier in the stage and make changes. I have been training for the routine for so long and just a week before the competition you just decide to remove me? I know it's not right, it's what Ed's been telling me, it's doesn't seem to be worth it. Being nice and least trying to be nice and cheery. People walk all over you, take you for granted. Damn it. Now's not the time to be irrational! You got to think of the big picture! The competition is nearing, it's not the time to dampen the team's spirit! At least for the dedication Jansen has put in I'll make sure our routine goes through on the 13th. He'd love to see it, whether or not he's in it. Really glad, grateful in fact, to know people like him. You got to do the same thing, Leon. Don't let Jansen down in any way. You've got our support all the while, now you've got to give yourself that support.
Ed, you too. Get yourself together. You will be fine. I swear with my all that should anything go wrong for you, I'll personally answer to them. But, of course, you got to first make sure you remember what I said about being happy for the people who appreciates the effort. Forget those who don't even try bothering. I too have realised many people just do empty talk. There are people who truly appreciates you. Disappointments are unavoidable. I've given up pinning hopes on friends who promised to be there to support but hardly ever do. When all else fails, remember you still have yourself. Appreciate yourself.
The past few days have been really emotional. But I figured that it was partially because I over-reacted. My ego doesn't allow me to put the full blame on myself. I refuse to accept the full blame. I was removed from part of the routine because I was too short. I can't help it. They can't help it too and I understand. What I can't get over is the fact that no one bothered to note the problem earlier in the stage and make changes. I have been training for the routine for so long and just a week before the competition you just decide to remove me? I know it's not right, it's what Ed's been telling me, it's doesn't seem to be worth it. Being nice and least trying to be nice and cheery. People walk all over you, take you for granted. Damn it. Now's not the time to be irrational! You got to think of the big picture! The competition is nearing, it's not the time to dampen the team's spirit! At least for the dedication Jansen has put in I'll make sure our routine goes through on the 13th. He'd love to see it, whether or not he's in it. Really glad, grateful in fact, to know people like him. You got to do the same thing, Leon. Don't let Jansen down in any way. You've got our support all the while, now you've got to give yourself that support.
Ed, you too. Get yourself together. You will be fine. I swear with my all that should anything go wrong for you, I'll personally answer to them. But, of course, you got to first make sure you remember what I said about being happy for the people who appreciates the effort. Forget those who don't even try bothering. I too have realised many people just do empty talk. There are people who truly appreciates you. Disappointments are unavoidable. I've given up pinning hopes on friends who promised to be there to support but hardly ever do. When all else fails, remember you still have yourself. Appreciate yourself.
Wednesday, 5 January 2005
Dreaming of you once again
2 days of school already. Seems like I'm getting more rest this week. Intensive cheerleading trainings. Slept my entire afternoon today. Finished my classes at 1230(Thank goodness for it because it's the first week and there's no tutorials). Now rather awake but still I'm more or less decided that I'm missing the morning 0830 lecture(C'mon, give me a break. Who needs to attend a lecture on Unit Conversion? I'm a freaking undergrad already!), let's see what time my biological clock wakes me up.
On monday went for track IH. Last minute notice but the ever "helpful" me still agreed nonetheless. First I was to be a reserve runner, then ended up we didn't have enough runners and DEAR Shu-Ying decided that she wasn't well enough to run(like real. Nice try, girl. Try better acting next time.) so ended she was the one being replaced by YuQing. Freak. Worse still I was placed as the final leg in the 4x400m relay. Came back as last position in our heats. Lousy feeling. Felt all numb in my hands, as if all the blood had rushed to the legs. Somehow I could push myself as hard as I was able to back in secondary school days. But at least I felt better than during swimming. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't actually train as a runner for the hall, unlike swimming. It's like effort didn't pay off kind of feeling for swimming. Forget it, I've got to get over it soon. It's been too long already.
Since school started, he hasn't been his cheerful self. Fell back to the gloomy state again. Tried cheering him up by many means. I don't know if it helps but I've tried. Tried reasoning, being cheerful myself(Kind of difficult knowing that he isn't), encouragements and advice, inspirational quotes and stories. Just hope they helped in some ways. If it doesn't I really don't know what I can still do. Everyday I just look forward to a smiling him. I smile and laugh as if I do not have a worry in the world, but hidden in the corner he constantly floods my mind. Dreamt this afternoon that he came into my room and saw my msn chat window with him. The heart-shaped background. I couldn't see his expression though. Just like the last time when the face of he guy was deliberately left out of view, maybe it was deliberately left out so I wouldn't know. The only way to know is to try. In person.
Okay, girl. This is getting a bit out of hand. You got to wake up your idea. Your priority should be studying now. Get the thought out. If he is to know a sign will appear. A chance would surface for you to express your heartfelt thoughts. Go sleep now.
On monday went for track IH. Last minute notice but the ever "helpful" me still agreed nonetheless. First I was to be a reserve runner, then ended up we didn't have enough runners and DEAR Shu-Ying decided that she wasn't well enough to run(like real. Nice try, girl. Try better acting next time.) so ended she was the one being replaced by YuQing. Freak. Worse still I was placed as the final leg in the 4x400m relay. Came back as last position in our heats. Lousy feeling. Felt all numb in my hands, as if all the blood had rushed to the legs. Somehow I could push myself as hard as I was able to back in secondary school days. But at least I felt better than during swimming. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't actually train as a runner for the hall, unlike swimming. It's like effort didn't pay off kind of feeling for swimming. Forget it, I've got to get over it soon. It's been too long already.
Since school started, he hasn't been his cheerful self. Fell back to the gloomy state again. Tried cheering him up by many means. I don't know if it helps but I've tried. Tried reasoning, being cheerful myself(Kind of difficult knowing that he isn't), encouragements and advice, inspirational quotes and stories. Just hope they helped in some ways. If it doesn't I really don't know what I can still do. Everyday I just look forward to a smiling him. I smile and laugh as if I do not have a worry in the world, but hidden in the corner he constantly floods my mind. Dreamt this afternoon that he came into my room and saw my msn chat window with him. The heart-shaped background. I couldn't see his expression though. Just like the last time when the face of he guy was deliberately left out of view, maybe it was deliberately left out so I wouldn't know. The only way to know is to try. In person.
Okay, girl. This is getting a bit out of hand. You got to wake up your idea. Your priority should be studying now. Get the thought out. If he is to know a sign will appear. A chance would surface for you to express your heartfelt thoughts. Go sleep now.
Monday, 3 January 2005
Raining romance
A rainy day. The mood was kind of funny in the afternoon. Maybe 'cause both of us felt unnatural. Maybe like the director said it's because we don't have a mutual liking towards each other. Sigh. I wish it isn't true. But it felt so much better after that. He was like blockhead that's for sure! Felt like good friends, but I don't want to just be good friends, it hurts to say that. He held my hand, hugged me and even looked into my eyes. If only I could certainly tell myself Yes, it's because we are in love with each other, not because we are Melody and Keith. Sigh.
Anyway this blog is seriously getting very personal. Too many secrets. I need to conceal it further. Until I'm ready to show him everything that's been up here so far. The diary speaks for itself, I needn't say a word at all to express my thoughts. In the meantime, just pray the diary stays private. First thing: remove the blog address from ICQ.
Schools starting in less than 8 hours, it's time I get some decent rest. Goodnight, fairy god-daddy, bless your little angel who's watching over you every step of your way. Keep the cheerfulness, 'cause it brightens my day too. It truly does.
Anyway this blog is seriously getting very personal. Too many secrets. I need to conceal it further. Until I'm ready to show him everything that's been up here so far. The diary speaks for itself, I needn't say a word at all to express my thoughts. In the meantime, just pray the diary stays private. First thing: remove the blog address from ICQ.
Schools starting in less than 8 hours, it's time I get some decent rest. Goodnight, fairy god-daddy, bless your little angel who's watching over you every step of your way. Keep the cheerfulness, 'cause it brightens my day too. It truly does.
Sunday, 2 January 2005
Happy 2005 to my fairy god-daddy
A boring new year's day. Slept the morning away. Watched TV the entire afternoon. What a relaxing day! Boring but relaxing, at least I was energetic enough to watch 8 episodes of Naruto. Nice, just finished episode 12. Slow but who cares as long as I enjoy it. Haha, had a good laugh. Never felt so good, truly good, in weeks. This is going to be a good year. 2005, a year of changes, good ones. Just you watch out! A new me's on the way!
Yesterday night had to be one of the best nights for me. Had a good chat with Ed. He seemed so much more cheerful these few days and somehow it rubs off me. I don't know if i deliberately make myself feel as he does or does it just occur unintentionally. I spoke so much last night I don't know if I overdid it. He said the more he talked to me the more he thinks my looks and character don't match. My character is like those shy shy little girl, but I appear very active and bold and energetic. I don't know if it's something good or bad, having such an extreme difference between character and portrayal. I'll work my way around that. You ,on the other hand, appear insensitive to the happenings around but in fact you care. Too much, actually. So much you think excessively about them, constantly putting yourself in a position where you brood over them and get overly attached emotionally. You said you want to appear bo-chup, I think you are just trying to hide the fact that you care. To protect that ego. There's nothing wrong with that, I have an ego myself that's why the split personality. But wouldn't it be nice if you could just let it go? Open up. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't me, but I would be happy enough to know that you are. I'm looking to love, not to be loved in return. Always been the case. like how Faye Wong puts it in her song. 你快乐所以我快乐。I'm happy because you are. It rubs off. I feel I'm getting to know you better to. I hope I'm right.
Angels up there, please bless this lost boy with the many worries rested on his shoulders. Shower him with the happiness that he yearns deep down. He may not have to express it openly but please as long as deep inside he is will be sufficient for me. I do not need to know it, but let him feel the blessing. That's my wish for the new year. Bless my fairy god-daddy for you are my wish for 2005 and hopefully in the years to come.
Yesterday night had to be one of the best nights for me. Had a good chat with Ed. He seemed so much more cheerful these few days and somehow it rubs off me. I don't know if i deliberately make myself feel as he does or does it just occur unintentionally. I spoke so much last night I don't know if I overdid it. He said the more he talked to me the more he thinks my looks and character don't match. My character is like those shy shy little girl, but I appear very active and bold and energetic. I don't know if it's something good or bad, having such an extreme difference between character and portrayal. I'll work my way around that. You ,on the other hand, appear insensitive to the happenings around but in fact you care. Too much, actually. So much you think excessively about them, constantly putting yourself in a position where you brood over them and get overly attached emotionally. You said you want to appear bo-chup, I think you are just trying to hide the fact that you care. To protect that ego. There's nothing wrong with that, I have an ego myself that's why the split personality. But wouldn't it be nice if you could just let it go? Open up. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't me, but I would be happy enough to know that you are. I'm looking to love, not to be loved in return. Always been the case. like how Faye Wong puts it in her song. 你快乐所以我快乐。I'm happy because you are. It rubs off. I feel I'm getting to know you better to. I hope I'm right.
Angels up there, please bless this lost boy with the many worries rested on his shoulders. Shower him with the happiness that he yearns deep down. He may not have to express it openly but please as long as deep inside he is will be sufficient for me. I do not need to know it, but let him feel the blessing. That's my wish for the new year. Bless my fairy god-daddy for you are my wish for 2005 and hopefully in the years to come.
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