changes

so much as changed since my last post. i've gone on training in the states. i've come back from training.. i've taken my first sick day. cma is finally nearing its end for the first year. it's end of june and it's summerlicious right around the corner. it's the wedding season again!

some things change more subtly. friends visiting from out of town usually consumes my whole wknd.. nowadays, i don't even get a call. perhaps it can be blame that i haven't been really keeping in touch due to the time contraints. but no relationship is a one-way street and to be honest, i can't say the others have made much of an effort either. for those that reaches out to me, i'll always remember and respond. i guess this new reality just shows that proximity can skews your perception. the older ppl are right, as time goes on, you'll know who your real friends are. no longer are the days when ppl are a hop and skip away. when life is filled w/ obligations and work, there are little time left for you to spare. how you use your free time is so important!

juggle

it's been a crappy day.. or week.. i don't remember anymore. all the days meshed into one big swirl. is today only monday? how come this past wknd seemed so far far away. it was a nice wknd.. i took half a day to do some chores and get to by myself at home. some reflections.. in a lack of a better word. just.. be.

in retrospect, i can understand why God gave me so much time off... b/c those days will forever be in the past and never repeated again. near the end of my hiatus, i was enjoying myself [esp. the part when my offer was in the works.. lol]. nowadays, i'll be lucky to get some sort of rest and most of the time, i'm exhausted. not necessarily physical tiredness, or even mental. i'm just overwhelmed.

the timing of it all just.. pushes me to the edge.

b/w these 2 CMA sessions are the busiest it can be. even our instructors admit this is the worst crunch in the program, esp. for those of us that are taking it in a shorter timeframe. this is also the time that i've started work. work itself is not bad, if anything, i want more work to do b/c i like being productive. no work at home drives me up the wall. the commute on the other hand is the worst. leaving work on time means getting stuck in traffic for an hour. hence, i never leave work at 5pm. since i've started, i think i can count the times i leave work right on the dot in less that my 2 hands. i'm studying hard, working hard.. but how come it still feels like i've done nothing?!!

for those that lives at home and get taken care of by your mommy/daddy/housekeeper, i don't want to hear you bitch about anything.. how tough life is. cuz you are so lucky and should keep quiet and count your Blessings. there's nothing more crappy to leave work at 9pm to go get gas, come home to cook and prep for next day, eat dinner and do your misc chores. on top of it all, you have errands you don't have time to run and you have to take crap from ppl. that is the crappiest thing ever!!

you know what i need? i need to clone myself twice.. so there's 3 of me. and extra time to get 48 hours a day.. then maybe i'll have some sort of balance in my life. *sigh*

every night i pray.. for strength to get through the next day.. and to thank Him that i managed to get through today.

moments

i was going to write a rant.. but why bother? it's just going to trigger everything again. all i can say is: bad drivers should be stripped of their licences! they endanger not only themselves but EVERYONE else! if you are one of those ppl, you should be ashame of yourself and go take some lessons!

anyway.. my days are long but they feel so short at the same time.. there are brief moments in everyday that i cherish and it never seems to be enough! i love the moments that i can unwind and be alone.. whether it's something simple like surfing the web or reading a magazine. it's just nice not to be doing work or academic stuff. lying on the sofa w/ arms wrapped around me and relax in front of the tube. a nice simple meal to share and catch up w/ friends. a stroll through the mall just to browse around. unexpected surprises upon arriving home. simple things but it keeps me going and sane...

update

it's been a while and life has gotten really busy that i don't have the strength nor time to update. but i think i'm going to start making more of an effort to update. it's always nice to reflect and going through old posts allows me to chart my progress in life.

the last while was very busy and tiring - i think the lack of rest is the source of my brewing sickness. today is my first truly relaxing day in a while.. and it still included a mtg. while i do miss the carefree relaxing days, i know it's time to move on and stop looking back. i am where i am and i need to keep looking forward. there's a tendency for me to look back and miss the old days, but i need to look ahead to what He has prepared for me and keep walking. i don't want to miss the presence by looking back.

another reason for my lack of updates is i'm wary of who's reading this. there are things i want to share, just not with the whole wide world or people that makes it their business to be in the know about everyone's lives. so my dear friends, if you want to know how i am doing, don't hesitate and contact me. i'd love to hear from you all!

oink oink

新年快樂!! (o^.^o)

i've already heard different versions about predictions about the year of the pig..
a) golden pig = happens every 600 yrs. something about good yr for wealth
b) troubling year = blood shed and natural disasters

after hearing all of these stuff, all i could think was..

'superstitious people are so screwed!! they will be paranoid yet desperately looking for money-making opportunities.'

just keeding!

but i do hope all of you have a wonderful chinese new year. xin nian kuai le.

***

i was browsing my old high school's website and checking if any of the teachers i know are left there. all of a sudden i miss it a whole lot, maybe i'll go visit again some time soon. it's strange, i miss my high school more than uni. when i think back to uni, i think of my friends etc but not academically. i think i have flaired more extra-cirricularly in high school and socially in university. notice i didn't say anything about academically? just keeding.. but i do miss the high school days. it would be awesome to relive one of those days!

went back to london for a few days the past week and it's nice to see ppl once again. the lambton/beaver is the new summit.. for oldies. haha. i miss how everyone is close by! it's sad b/c i don't know if i'd visit anymore.. esp. after this year with everyone graduating too. time to move on i guess.

***

oh my.. i love 衛蘭's new stuff. i can't stop listening to it. ppl should check it.

hope

sometimes it gets hard to keep hoping when the dark tunnel seems to keep going on forever. but what choices do we have left than keep walking when turning back is not an option. face the future with a racing heart and maybe we'll stumble along the way, but when we see that glimpse of light, it makes the journey all the more worthwhile, right?

the other night we had to play soccer/benchmark when we had only 3 ppl. it's really 2 since one person has to be the goalie. for those that know me, i hate soccer. that ball has a strange attraction to my head [and i don't mean that by head-butting]. it would have been logical to forfeit since there's a slim-to-nothing chance of us winning against a team of 5. and we didn't win. but it's ok b/c we put up a fight and we didn't give up. we ran hard and we even managed to score a few goals. i had to say that it was the most rewarding game we've played. it was such a good feeling after the game and i realized i haven't felt that way in a long time.

so maybe i should be like christina aguilera and start singing

"'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter"

daily battle

so i spoke too soon b/c 12hrs after my last post, i got so sick that i barfed and fainted all in a one day. bed-ridden the next. tests the day after. but i'm back on my feet once again.

i realize that it's a daily battle that we live through. at the end of the day, i find myself giving thanks for making through another day and praying for strength to get through the next day. it just seems so hard sometimes. not to be discouraged, to press on with faith and hope.