One thing I can't understand. Why do people like to compare so much, compare their children with others. As a benchmark, as a way to show off? Every one is different in their own ways, they are good at different things.

Met my neighbour auntie, who lives 10 floors above me, yesterday. First question, how's school? First thought, oh no the question I hate most. My uncle asks that every time also. And my answer will always be the same.. Okay lor.

Maybe it's a common topic, or it is just to see how badly I am doing. Asked about me, my brothers.. Give me a feeling that they are trying to embarrass us, cos uni is hard and we can't cope and do as well as their children.

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Okay. If I compare myself with those professional singers, it's upward social comparison. I get guidance, but decreased self-esteem. This is what I learn from ESAP. So I shall not be disheartened and learn from them. Look to to them, they are examples.

My executive function.. Promotion focused/approach tendency to reduce discrepancies between actual and ideal self. That is to work harder! :)

Applied psychology yeah!

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Karen-san once told me that Fujibe-san thinks that the way I speak is very interesting. Something like there are hidden meanings in my words，很有意思。I was quite shocked. How did he know? Haha.

And Karen-san said I don't want to talk only, once I open my mouth all the sarcasm comes out.

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Watched Idol Managers (ep. 10), love how MBLAQ trash out their unhappiness with each other. Maybe they will fight behind the scenes, that I don't know. But that seems to make their brotherhood stronger.

Maybe cos they are guys, so they are more able to take criticism, expect SeungHo. But guys have higher ego too right?

I really want to sort this out. I hope I can 看开一点，and心胸放宽一点.That way I think I will feel better.Cos now I'm unhappy with minor things.

There are always two sides to a story. Is it because I never understood you, or is it because you/I changed?

I really feel like find to bang wall. The angel and devil in me. This feeling..

And why am I so persistent in 'investigating' and making myself feel worse. Hah.

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How many words does a woman speak on average per day?

Cos my mum's job requires her to talk a lot. But she comes home and talk about any and everything non-stop. Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood to entertain.

I don't talk that much usually.

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Why are you still bearing hopes when you know it is impossible? Don't tell me you really think it might come true?

Was referring to someone. But now, I can totally relate myself to it as well.

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I will not be like you. I don't want to be like you. That is why I am running away from all possibilities of me becoming like you.

What's wrong with people these days. Haha, I don't like to make new friends.

Don't know what to do and say anymore. Feel like giving up. 不知所措。金盆洗手。 I'm so silly. Getting so affected, without anyone knowing. Strong in the outside. Feel like crying this feeling away. 울고 싶어요. Shall blast some music to cheer myself up. I wonder how the idol groups can maintain their relationship even meeting every day, especially the females. There's a saying: 因了解而分离。Guess 我的心胸要再阔一点。 Or maybe it's just on the screen. We won't have how they are like behind the screen. But their friendships seem so perfect. Can't compare.

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Challenging songs give me a sense of accomplishment when I manage to hit the high notes. Feels like head voice, although I don't what technique it is. But I can hit. Feel happy and touched.

Recall the days when everything seemed so hard and impossible. I have to work harder. And must have more confidence. I can do this!

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Stressing over vocal exam. But I guess that is what my idols feel every day right? Trying their very best to put up the best performance every time. But what brings them on and not to give up is the passion and teammates/friends, I guess. I don't know if my passion is still burning. But I still do not want to give it up. Whatever it is, I'm just gonna try my best.

Can't leave broken stuff unattended. It's just gonna get worse. Have to repair it. If not the scar is gonna get deeper.

It's true that you might get hurt even more, but if you don't even try you will regret it in the future.

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It is very selfish to hurt people when you yourself are afraid of being hurt right? It's like either one will be hurt. Don't trust anymore. Overprotecting myself every time.

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After a night of slacking, watching Running Man and Phantom. I am cheered up already. :)

But come to think of work, I'm at a point which I feel that I cannot improve anymore. But I cannot slack cos I will deprove if I do. But still, expectations are on me, so I have to maintain, even if I cannot improve. This stagnancy makes me feel that I am not doing my best. But the problem is.. I really don't know how. Feels a little inferior at times. But it's okay. I know my managers believe in me. So I just have to do what I normally do. :)

화이팅!

Was wondering... Is it possible to get tired if being yourself? Cos I think I am. Feels so tired of thinking so long and so much. Feels tired of living in other people's expectation. Sometimes, I just want to doing and speaking what I really want, are you feeling that way too? But that is totally the other side of me, so in the end I still behaving the way people expect of me.

Still moody from yesterday. Too much thinking. All the disappointment, in myself too. The helplessness. Makes me super easy to be annoyed today..still can't cheer up.

I know it's crazy to think this way... But sometimes I really feel that I should not care and put so much effort. That's why from years ago, I feel myself being a lot less caring and concerned. Don't really like this feeling. But I feel that it's not worth it at times. I should treat myself better.

I ever thought that I will never bring my personal problems to work. But today, I did. Just can't feel happy at all. But I think I controlled it quite well. Not a black face, maybe just a one with less smiles, I didn't explode on anyone. Not angry anyway, just unhappy. But I was really easily irritable. Luckily this afternoon was not busy.

A night's sleep was not enough to bring the blues away. It's okay, it will pass by tomorrow. I'll be back to the usual (cheerful?) me soon.

Getting more sian at work, cos of 2 factors. 1. The dishwasher 2. He, who shall not be named. The dishwasher is perfectly fine. But just uneasy that he is overly friendly to me. And the he, just annoys me a lot a lot. Always trying to act smart. You dare touch my bills. It's like you are not a qualified cashier yet. I was free, just call me lar. Maybe it's biasness on my part. But it kind of turns me off at work.The type of personality I hate most, congratulations, is one who acts smart. Cos I think I'm smart and good enough, so you don't have to tell me what to do. I'm sorry, but I'm a Leo, you see. And the main point is, I'm sorry to say this but, I don't think you are better than me in any way.

That's about all my complaints. I will be back to me tomorrow.

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Don't know.. Just feel like I'm still not very confident with my own voice. I still don't know how to insert feelings and make a song more emotional..

Just feels that the way I sing is too smooth, too dull and boring. HOW?