I'm back! Two weeks is a long time to go without sleeping in your own bed, but I guess I'd better get used to it... The auditions went okay (except when I came in early on two entrances in this one aria--I don't know if somebody would notice unless they knew the aria encyclopedically, plus it's modern anyway--but it probably killed my chances with this particular company, which makes me very mad because I was singing really well), and I was able to visit just about everybody I wanted to see. I even got up to my alma mater and had coffee with an old professor.

But now I have a lot of work to do. Still lots of music to get memorized, packing to do, some presents left to buy/make. And we're supposed to be having a Christmas party, but Mark has been dragging on it. Speaking of Mark, he's having car problems again. Not good...

Very tired. Leaving for NYC trip tomorrow. I will definitely see at least one of you! I'll be back sometime after December 11th, and probably will not be able to post until after then. Love you all! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

A poem, submitted for your approval:

One reason I like opera
Marge Piercy

In movies, you can tell the heroine
because she is blonder and thinner
than her sidekick. The villainess
is darkest. If a woman is fat,
she is a joke and will probably die.

In movies, the blondest are the best
and in bleaching lies not only purity
but victory. If two people are both
extra pretty, they will end up
in the final clinch.

Only the flawless in face and body
win. That is why I treat
movies as less interesting
than comic books. The camera
is stupid. It sucks surfaces.

Let's go to the opera instead.
The heroine is fifty and weighs
as much as a '65 Chevvie with fins.
She could crack your jaw in her fist.
She can hit high C lying down.

The tenor the women scream for
wolfs an eight course meal daily.
He resembles a bull on hind legs.
His thighs are the size of beer kegs.
His chest is a redwood with hair.

Their voices twine, golden serpents.
Their voices rise like the best
fireworks and hang and hang
then drift slowly down descending
in brilliant and still fiery sparks.

The hippopotamus baritone (the villain)
has a voice that could give you
an orgasm right in your seat.
His voice smokes with passion.
He is hot as lava. He erupts nightly.

The contralto is, however, svelte.
She is supposed to be the soprano's
mother, but is ten years younger,
beautiful and black. Nobody cares.
She sings you into her womb where you rock.


Yay.

This is way more entertaining than it ought to be...

Blogger has been eating my posts. What the hell?!

Okay, I don't have much time, but I must vent about my mother. She called earlier and somehow managed to work the word "bow-dabra" into our conversation. Haven't had the chance to Google that yet, but apparently it's some sort of bow-making device that she's secretly coveted for years, and now she wants to buy one to decorate the cake table. Twenty minutes about flowers. How many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying crap about the damn flowers?!

Oh, well, if it's taken me this long to get exasperated with my mother in this process, I guess I'm not doing so bad...

Just got word today that I have an audition in New York in early December. Yay! I only know one other person who's ever sung for them, so this is good. Now all I have to do is work up my scary Barber aria again, and I'll be all set.

It looks like I'll be down here for Thanksgiving, and will come up to New York the following week, or possibly that weekend, depending on what other companies feel like I deserve an audition.

Damn, I have a lot of music to learn...I did get my first scene assignment for Sarasota, by the way--Act III quartet from La Boheme. A role I never thought I'd be cast in, but whatever. Gorgeous music, and pretty easy, actually.

What else is new? Well, Saturday we did our first round of registry, here. Nobody ever told me how long it would take! But it was pretty fun--shopping for things we probably won't get (i.e. the Kitchen Aid Artisan Stand Mixer in Empire Red, Mark's baby), using the little scanner gun... I'm still not clear on the Etiquette (capital E) of the whole registry thing. I mean, I know you're not supposed to put it on the invitations, of course, but apparently everybody in the family is supposed to pretend they know nothing about it. Rather, the bridesmaids are supposed to relay that information. Hello, we all live in different STATES, okay? So I'm gonna consult The Knot, but I don't think it's some sort of cardinal sin to tell people to shop for you at a particular store. I mean, come ON.

Margaret Cho's blog has some great stuff today--really uplifting for those of you upset about the election. Even if you don't like Margaret Cho, I insist...

Not much going on. Had a lesson this morning, then lunch with S. I had a burrito and a Negro Modelo with lime. Yum.

In case you were wondering, it's not as easy to renounce your citizenship as you may have thought...
(nicked from Wonkette)

I'm trying to stay positive. I'm just so angry. Now is a time to count your blessing (or else go mad). I'm still marrying Mark, I'm still going to Sarasota, I still have great friends, my family is in decently good health, at least our governor is a Democrat... How do you start a grassroots impeachment movement? We may not be able to get it moving until they reinstate the draft...

Sorry, I meant to post these quizzes from Erik a few weeks ago...


You are Fish 'Tacos.' You might think you're
exotic and worldly-wise, but in reality you're
just a bunch of crap on toast. Repeat after
me: 'just because you put something in
quotation marks doesn't make it so.' And
'taco' isn't Spanish for 'toast.'


What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Take the quiz: "What Tori Amos Album are you?"

To Venus and Back
Congratulations, you're To Venus and Back! You're the life of any party: popular and a trend setter! Like Tori, you love fashion...especially shoes! Just don't let your spur of the moment tendencies get out of hand!

I don't know about the shoe thing, but whatever...

And also, I have to admit that I have a new crush:



And he's even straight! :)

Come see my new web page! It's www.[my name].com. It's still in the beginning stages--I need to mess around with the layout a bit, but the basics are there...

Okay, the main reason I haven't been updating my blog is that the space bar on my keyboard no longer works properly--I have to hit it hard for it to work at all. And using my thumb doesn't do anything anymore. It's really time for a new computer...But in the meantime Mark might need to get a new car soon (his broke down a few weeks ago because of some rust-related problem), and we have to worry about the honeymoon, and my student loans are coming due. Maybe we can get something used (my mother bought an iMac off of eBay--I was picking it up for her when Mark's car broke down, actually--so maybe that's an option. I dunno...money's tighter than usual, I suppose.

Even more reason to vote today! Get the @$$holes out of office already! Mark voted last week--and didn't even have to wait in line--but I will have to go today. I know that whenever I go there's going to be a line, but it's all good. I still have all that music to memorize, after all. I had to wait for almost two hours in 2000, actually, but that was because they messed up when they were assigning polling places. Anyway, Ihad the county Democratic party AND moveon.org come to the house this weekend--apparently my state has a chance if this area(a very liberal place, thankfully) favors Kerry by more than 15%. Still kind of a stretch, but we have to hope. I'm tired of my vote not really counting!

Get used to me taking weeks to update my blog--I'M GOING TO SARASOTA!!!!!

I found out Friday--the artistic director was about to call me to say I was the first alternate soprano when someone cancelled. I'm in! I'm still in a bit of shock about it. I should get the contract in the mail in a few days; maybe then it will sink in. So the next few months will be busy for me--learning music and taking care of the final wedding stuff in addition to my auditions (we hope) in New York after Thanksgiving. Oh, and Christmas. I've already started on the presents. :)

So we've had three rehearsals now for the opera I'm doing at the end of the month. I'm kind of disappointed. I went into the first rehearsal almost totally off book--maybe needing some work with the timing of big tempo transitions, but that's a natural part of ensemble singing and would probably occur in any company. And there are obviously other people in the cast--proably a handful--who also came in similarly prepared. But there are others--including a woman with a master's degree, fifteen years older than me, with a bigger part--who really didn't have their music learned sufficiently. People are getting notes wrong, they're CONSISTENTLY missing the same entrances, and it's really wasting time in rehearsal that we could be using to refine things (and, what the hell, MEMORIZE, considering that the show's in two weeks!). But no. I assumed, having seen two other productions by this company, that there was a certain professionalism consistent to everyone involved. Some of these people are just community choir-types. And for small parts, that I can understand. But one of the biggest male parts are being sung by this person who is NEVER on pitch, and misses ALL his entrances--which, in this kind of music, is throwing EVERYBODY off. I'm getting really annoyed.

Sorry about all the yelling--I'm just frustrated. I really want this to go well. Did I mention Mark's sister (she of the millions of frequent-flyer miles) is going to come down for, like, sixteen hours? It'll be good to see her.

Oh, and what did y'all think of the debate last night? I only caught the last half-hour (rehearsal--see above). Isn't it good to know that both the men running for president are whipped?

I really need to be more diligent about updating. I really haven't had that much opportunity to post, honestly, but still. Anyway, the audition went extremely well--I don't have enough time to get into the details of it right now--and the hurricane did indeed miss Sarasota, though some of the sewers were flooded. It's a really cool city, in case you haven't been there, but I'm sure it's way too expensive to vacation there in the busy season (winter). The day after my audition I woke up with a sore palate and immediately knew I had dodged a huge bullet. The head cold which followed made me miserable for four days and hacking my lungs out for the next three. (Product plug: did you know you can get guaifenesin--active ingredient in Robitussin--in time-release tablet form over-the-counter? Perfect for someone like me, who can't keep that vile liquid down long enough to digest any of it...) Today, lesson day, was the first time since last Wednesday that I sang for longer than three minutes--and even then it was just to assess the progress of/recovery from the cold. But everything went okay this morning. I'm working on one new piece--a Britten aria which sits surprisingly well--and reviving my SOB Barber aria because one of the apprentice programs is doing Vanessa. The latter is so much easier to sing now--still no walk in the park, but it's amazing to think my technique has improved that much in the six months since I've even thought about looking at that thing. Oh, and speaking of hard music, Gianni Schicchi is quite a bugger! I forgot how challenging it was to memorize ensemble music, and that's all this is. And there's this one trio where I have the middle part--all crazy intervals while the other singers move in octaves around me. Well, I'm up to the challenge. Tomorrow morning I'm getting measured for my costume; the opera's being updated from its original setting (13th century) to the late 1940s. That sould make for a really cool costume, at least. Oh, and speaking of getting measured, I'm finally going to buy my wedding dress (and get measured for it) today. My mother will have to give the credit card number over the phone, but it's apparently no big deal. I guess waiting for David's Bridal to have a sale has paid off! I'll be asking again about the bridesmaid dresses, by the way--almost time to get your butts to the store, ladies!--And my mother and I met briefly with a florist last week; next time Mark and I are down there, we'll spend a little more time. Mark is in Michigan right now, by the way. I have the whole house to myself, all weekend. Perfect environment for me to finish the last Dark Tower book, which I got from the library this week! It's so incredible. Say what you want about Stephen King, but the man can tell a story...

I've been a little busy. Next week I'm going to Sarasota for that audition (if there still is a Sarasota by this time next week...); my mother and I are driving down. Twelve hours in a car with my mother...wish me luck. And remind me to take my MP3 player. :)

Last week I talked to someone at a music school--hopefully I'll get to start teaching there. And I got together with some people to talk about young artist programs for next summer. Maybe I'll even get into one of them...

And Mark just got back from the convention. It was less exciting than the Democratic convention, though a certain Democratic senator did make things a little interesting. (Did you hear he all but challenged Chris Matthews to a duel? The man is bonkers.) Today is Mark's first day back at work; he seems to be acclimating well. Oh--last night we finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11. I liked it, though there wasn't anything there we didn't know already. Too bad he wasn't able to put in all the Abu Ghraib stuff and the disappearing WMD. But maybe that would've made the movie too long.

On a related note, I think Mark's going to dress up as Michael Moore for Hallowe'en--rumpled suit, unshaven, baseball cap, holding an Oscar... But what should I dress up as? We wanted our costumes to be somewhat related. The only thing I could think of would probably offend lots of people.

That reminds me...I got a part in one of the local opera company's productions. Not the part I was hoping to get--but this one will probably be more fun, and certainly less stress. And my friend S. got the part she wanted--one she's always wanted. I'm so happy for her!

The wedding planning seems to have stalled. Still waiting for David's Bridal to have another sale! But I think we're meeting with a coordinator this weekend. And there's a bridal show in October which hopefully will hook us up with a DJ. I think we're using my mother's friend's daughter for the flowers. I could care less about the flowers, honestly...

Last weekend we had our first pre-Cana meeting. It was much easier than I thought--they basically just gave us these big bubble sheets of questions to fill out (we'll go over them in our next meeting, in a month or two) and booklets with reading/prayer choices for the service. The couple from the church were thrilled that we were both Catholic--I guess things are more complicated with interfaith couples. And the cohabitation thing wasn't that big a deal. When we told them we weren't having a Mass they were a little disappointed. I think the only reason we decided not to was because of my mother's vicious anti-Catholicism. She said that having a Mass wouldn't bother her, but I assumed she wasn't telling the truth. Mark and I both want one, so maybe we should just go ahead and have one.

I had an audition Monday night for the local volunteer opera company--it went pretty well. I think my interpretation could use some work, but vocally it was good, and I got positive feedback from the auditioners. I forgot to ask when they were making decisions... My mother is making reservations for the trip to Sarasota. I e-mailed the girl from my studio who did the program last year--apparently the artistic director is quite a character. I wish I didn't have my hopes so high about this thing...

The hurricane(s) didn't really make it here, but today's the first time since last Wednesday that it's not pouring. Now there's a HUGE poisonous-looking spider with yellow and red markings camped out on our sliding glass door. Last night I watched with horror as it immobilized a big moth. Mark needs to kill it. Generally I have no fear of spiders--they kill mosquitos, after all--but this thing is too big and too brightly colored to be benign.

The trip up north went well. We didn't spend enough time in New York (six hours!) to be able to visit anyone but my (large) family. Everybody has a huge new house up there. I don't think we saw a single trailer park while we were there. (I let Mark know that this was unusual.) The rest of the weekend was spend looking at old houses and cemetaries. I tripped getting out of a bus on Saturday morning, so I had to spend the next three days hobbling around Connecticut with a sprained ankle. My body is all out of whack from walking funny to favor it.

Have I mentioned that my beloved ten-year-old CD player finally died? I'm blaming Mark. So I have hooked up my six-year-old computer to my sixteen-year-old stereo, and am listening to The Black Crowes. Yay. I really would get a new stereo, but turntables are so expensive now...

Happy belated birthday to Margaret! Has anybody heard from her mommy? :)

I really ought to update more often.  Poet Laureate Todd is making me look bad.

Mark is in Boston this week, killing time at the convention.  It would've been cool to tag along, but he barely has time for six hours of sleep a night, let alone the Freedom Trail.  I think I would enjoy it more now than in eleventh grade.  Hey, didn't a certain person snort cocaine out of somebody's pen on that trip?  Wow, that was ten years ago...

And speaking of the old digs, Mark has this family reunion thing (he's descended from the founder of Connecticut, believe it or not) next week in Hartford, so I'll get to take him to Middletown!  I haven't been back in town in two years, so it should be interesting.  Let's see...we'll hit the mall, PBHS, Hawaii Fountain, possibly Alfonso's, maybe even The Cove Clam Bar!  I bet that place is even scarier in the daytime.  Perhaps we'll skip The Cove.  But it will be nice to show him where I grew up--I've been to Buffalo twice since I was last in Orange County.

Speaking of Orange County, you can now purchase Orange County Choppers hats and T-shirts in the malls down here.  Who knew a bunch of dysfunctional loudmouths would put us on the map? 

Also, in case you haven't heard, my mother and I did the big wedding dress shopping trip.  I for one would be happy not to go through that again.  I think we're down to two dresses, though...

I'm still seeking employment, by the way.  I temped for several days a few weeks ago (money in the bank--how novel!) and had two interviews last week, but things are moving slowly.  I think people are totally scared off by my resume, but what can I do?  I just want a part-time office job, I'm not asking for much money--and I can't hide the fact that I have a Master's degree, nor would I want to!  I think if I were in a bigger city employers would be a lot more understanding of the "day job" concept... I did just send off a resume for a voice teacher job.  Maybe that will turn into something.  That's what I really want to be doing, after all...

 

First off, this is for Cathy:

Pink Lady
1 1/2 oz Gin
1 tsp Grenadine
1 tsp Light Cream
1 Egg white

Shake ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.

(from drinksmixer.com)

No wonder I thought it was totally nasty...

I went to the Kerry/Edwards rally on Saturday. I stood in the shade (behind one of the huge banners, actually) but it was still way too damn hot. It was about 95 degrees and humid, and I was there for about three hours. I'm glad I went, though--it was so cool to be surrounded by people who are just as fired up as you are. There were representatives from every demographic. I stood next to this middle-aged gay couple, in front of some college girls, and next to a stroller. I bought a button to hang from my rear-view mirror (next to this one), but it had to be subtle so Mark can drive my car without being accused of bias... So I got one with a ketchup bottle on it. I suppose the DNC can't be accused of copyright infringement on this one.

I like Edwards a lot. I think he's pretty sincere, and seems like a good person. I'm not totally keen on Kerry--he seems like just another Democrat talking head to me--but I think he'd do the trick. At the rally, neither of them said anything your average moderate-to-leftie couldn't agree with, but I guess that's typical. The main feeling I got out of the experience (other than total discomfort) was that they really have a chance at this thing. North Carolina may even be a battleground state. It would be nice for my vote to count for a change... :)

Oh, and by the way, I saw no evidence of a "musical guest". Maybe it was too hot for Hootie. Oh, but their campaign theme song is apparently "Johnny B. Goode". Corny!

Okay, so we changed the date--it's going to be on April 16. (We realized that May 7 was UNCW commencement, the one weekend all year when there really are NO hotel rooms available...) All else is the same. And we've scheduled our first Pre-Cana meeting, though it's over a month away. The tastings went fine, though we still haven't received a quote from the one guy. And I did try on my grandmother's dress--it's too small, and while I could work on losing 50 pounds between now and April, I don't want to count on it. Plus it's just not ME...

The big news here is John Edwards, of course. Mark was on the phone all day Tuesday, getting the "local reaction" (as always). Tomorrow there's a big rally at NC State that Mark has to go to. I got a ticket as well, though we can't be together (there's a special press section). I guess I'll just get there early, bring my crochet and a score, and hang out. There will be a "musical guest"--rumored to be Hootie and the Blowfish or REM. I'd love to see REM, but I guess Hootie would be okay, too. Free live music, after all.

They haven't been showing John Kerry commercials down here, by the way--it was never deemed a battle state, and our primary is so late this year as to be inconsequential (July 20!)--but I saw my first one yesterday. It was exciting! Mark keeps saying the president is going to lose, that they'll never know what hit them, and I hope he's right. Then again, Mark predicted that Gore would win in 2000. Oh, that's right, he DID... ;)

The other news is that I have a part-time temp position for a few weeks, starting Monday. And it pays well. Finally I will have more than $85 in the bank--for a few weeks, anyway...

Oh, and this is from Erik, some time ago:

20 Questions to a Better Personality

Wackiness: 44/100
Rationality: 44/100
Constructiveness: 68/100
Leadership: 44/100

You are an SECF--Sober Emotional Constructive Follower. This makes you a hippie. You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.

You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don't get mad, you get even.

Please don't get even with this web site.

We have picked a date: Saturday, May 7, 2005 at 2 PM. Hopefully that won't interfere with the high school reunion. ;) It will be at the church we didn't originally want, but we are satisfied, and it's probably better this way anyway. And the reception will be in the city council chambers/ballroom. Very pretty, right downtown, newly renovated. Next week we'll be meeting with our two caterer choices, and hopefully a decision about that will be made soon. Then we can relax a little bit. The dress situation is actually the least stressful thing of everything. A few weeks ago I went to this renowned bridal outlet and tried on a few dresses, just for fun. Alone, so there was no pressure. It was kind of fun. There was one I really liked, but for some reason I can't find the style number on the company's website. Anyway, I guess I'll be doing the big trip in September or so. But now my grandmother has offered her dress--fifty years old this fall--which would need to be restored (and might not even fit), but it would be pretty cool. Plus she said I could do whatever I wanted to the sleeves, neckline, etc., and she wouldn't be offended--and it wouldn't hurt her at all either if I decided against wearing it. So it's good to have that option. Bridesmaids: probably going with David's Bridal so y'all can get different dresses all in the same color/s. Haven't decided on the color yet--possibly periwinkle or lavender--but we have time to work on that.

Relations with my mother have gone surprisingly well since the engagement. At one point I said to Mark that I hoped the wedding-planning experience would bring my mother and I closer together. I suppose we can bond over swatches or something. There have been a few times where I've tried to get her off the phone lately, but mostly because she was talking about money and my employment prospects. I've sent off about eight resumes for part-time jobs, and I'll just keep trying. I really need to call these music schools, but for some reason I've been dragging my feet about it. Probably just fear of rejection. Whatever. What have I really got to lose here?

Aha! I am back. My computer is hooked up to the internet, finally, though I have an excruciatingly slow connection (and a Pentium 133, to make matters worse). It's been difficult to get things done.

Anyway, my father came through his surgery just fine, though they did have to take out almost his entire right tricep. The scar starts at his elbow and loops around his armpit (apparently to help with flexibility), and was originally held together with several dozen staples. He looked a bit like Frankenstein, which was scary. But he didn't take any of the prescribed Percocet, and is returning to work next Wednesday, only about three weeks after the surgery. He's not sure how much he can do yet--he's not supposed to lift more than 15 pounds with his right arm--but is very happy about getting back to work.

I, on the other hand, have spent the last two weeks on my ass. Watching Buffy reruns, mind you, but still not doing much of anything. I am in a very precarious financial situation--I won't even get into it. Mark is helping me (including paying for my gas!), and I don't need to pay rent or anything, but I do have lessons and cell phone bills and a credit card to take care of, plus some audition-related expenses coming in a few months. I know it's part of the whole depression-prone monster, but I'm tired of it. So Mark and I talked about it AGAIN last night (after a near-breakdown in Kmart on Sunday), and this morning I faxed off my first resume for a part-time job. I'm not really counting on any of the music schools in town to be interested in hiring me (or anybody) at this point--particularly in the summer--and I think working mornings is a great way for me to feel like I'm doing something. And I definitely will be able to pay my own bills this way. There's a program in Sarasota that I REALLY want to do in the winter (eleven weeks long, with only nine days off the whole time--now THAT is intensive), so right now I'm just trying to fill something in, to pay the bills. Plus I really don't mind administrative work--especially when it's part-time, because I don't have to stress over it. And I know I won't be doing it forever, of course. It will actually be nice to meet some new people.

I must go, but I have a question: how do people feel about April 16, 2005 for a wedding? Looks like it'll either be that or May 7th (which, incidentally, is the day Mark proposed, but we're leaning towards the former). We really wanted to get married on a Friday evening, but the church we're using (which was not our first choice, but will do just fine) only does weddings on Saturdays, before 2 PM. I think we're pretty sure about the reception site, as well; we just have to choose between two or three caterers. I think we're going to have a pasta station! Yay!

p.s. Helen, I owe you an apology for not getting back to you. As I mentioned, I've been sitting on my ass, and really have no excuse. How is Monday for you?

I know I haven't posted in a while--I have a lot going on. And right now I'm at the public library, so I have to keep this short.

Recital was fine, other than getting makeup in my eye and singing my whole Wagner set afraid I was going to go blind. Cathy and I had a good time here.

Moving was relatively stress-free. Sold the bed and the TV, so we didn't have to rent a truck or anything. Still getting settled in. Currently unemployed, therefore earning my keep by going to the dry cleaners, removing stains from white shirts and making meatloaf for dinner, in between episodes of BUFFY. I feel like June Cleaver. Actually, no.

But the big thing is this: my father has a tumor in his right tricep that the doctors thought was benign, but it isn't. It's a rare, slow-growing cancer currently the size of a fist, and they're operating next Monday. And Thursday they need to do a CAT scan of his lungs to make sure it hasn't spread. I found out Saturday, and I'm still pretty freaked out. I mean, I know my parents aren't invincible, but this is scary. And he's only 47. Everybody in my family who's had cancer died in their eighties. Anyway, I don't think they're very worried--or maybe my mother is making it sound better than it is. I mean, she said he'll probably only need to be out of work for six weeks or so, and they have to remove a bunch of his tricep muscle. (Traditionally they used to have to AMPUTATE, but thank goodness they won't.) There's a chance he might need radiation treatments as well, but they're not sure yet. In any case, I'm going down there next week to help out--my mother is working part-time, so I'll do what I can. He might be a bit too medicated to need much of anything for a few days, but what else can I do? I feel pretty powerless about the whole thing. The odd thing is that my mother still wants to go look at reception sites while I'm down there. Crazy...

From Erik:


You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I AM 35% GEEK! You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing. Take the GEEK test at Fuali.com

Are you American Idol material? by madonnawhore
Name
Age
What are you singing?
Simon says:	You're charming.
Paula says:	Great job. Just wonderful.
Randy says:	I disagree with Simon all the way.
Success level:	Top 8
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Ha!

I am dogsitting for my friend's slightly demented black Lab for the rest of the week. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I really don't have the time to devote to a dog, but I would love to have one.

Helen, you better call me back... :)

I know I haven't updated in a while, for various reasons (library being closed, logistical stuff, etc.), but the big news is:

I was right! Mark did propose at CASABLANCA on the battleship last weekend. In front of like 300 people. There was even a letter to the editor in the paper about it. The ring is gorgeous, of course. More importantly, I have my baby forever!

It's all still a bit of a blur, and sometimes I forget. And now we're starting to make guest lists and stuff, because we need to have a basic number in order to book a church and a place for the reception, so we can start sending out announcements and stuff. We're looking at next April (a good month in Wilmington, and it almost never rains). My mother is very excited, of course. I hope this becomes an opportunity for us to get closer, not less so. I think it will be a good thing. Anyway, more details about the whole thing will follow.

And in other news (yes, there is other news!), the first dress rehearsal for my recital was earlier this afternoon. I think it went pretty well--still some things to work on, but it's really coming together. It's a good thing I learn music quickly!

I only have a few minutes, but I must say something about the FRIENDS finale. I think it ended well, with the spirit of the series as a whole in mind. There were no surprise guests (eg. no Emily or Joshua or Paul the wine guy, though Janice was on a few episodes ago). And though they did give us what we wanted, there was some doubt along the way. I hated the show when it came out, but it really grew on me. Who can't identify with something there?

Anyway, I just did my observed lesson (not my idea of fun) and I turned in my portfolio. I have a rehearsal at 11, then it's off to the beach. And Mark's meeting has been canceled, apparently. They show classic movies on the battleship during the summer, and Mark wants to go tonight--they're showing CASABLANCA. How could I NOT be suspicious about this? Argh. Anyway, wish me luck...

BIG NEWS!

We have officially moved my recital to Tuesday, May 25 at 5:30 PM. You heard it here first. If you live within three states of me, consider making the drive. How often do you get to hear Wagner in recital, for free?

Oh, and yes, I still have music to memorize. We decided to move my recital two weeks ago, and in that time I have learned six new songs, but I only have two of them memorized. (Others are on their way to being memorized, but the two that I have committed to memory are a bit shaky...) Getting things memorized generally isn't a problem for me, but it's just that it's so MUCH, in such a short period of time. I know I can do it--after Friday morning (when my pedagogy portfolio is due) I don't have anything to do except pack and get my music in order.

And by the way, we're headed to the beach this weekend. I should be at Mark's by one, and then we're on our way. He has some sort of meeting planned, but other than that we can go to the beach (though the water will still be too cold, I'd think), go downtown and just relax. Yes, it has definitely crossed my mind that this may be THE weekend (i.e. a date with "precious"). I'm trying not to think about it, but the minute he mentioned it I got this feeling that it may be time. I don't want to get my hopes up, but how can I not?!

Oh, and did you notice my new banner ads? I'm so proud of myself. :)

Maybe more quizzes will make the ad go away...or maybe I'm just procrastinating...


Lady Fairy of the Rainbow


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Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
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Morpheus


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Wow, I feel really mindless now.

I noticed that the ad banner on my page had something about "family values" or something on it...I plan to remove it right now.


obsessive compulsive


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I've been working on the Wagner. Wagner. Wagner. The Wesendonck-Lieder. I love the Wagner. They're working so much better than the Strauss were. I can actually SING the Wagner, whereas with the Strauss I was just phonating in rhythm. :) Instead of doing the crazy-hard Mozart aria, I'm doing a few of William Bolcom's Cabaret Songs. They're really funny.

Oh, and I did the laryngeal-scoping thing this morning. According to the speech pathologist, I have an "extraordinary larynx". Isn't that cool? Wagner.

P.S. Wagner. Opera. Wagner. Wagner. Ring Cycle. Diva. Soprano.

Hopefully that will make the evil ads go away... :)

From Erik:

Abortion?:	a woman's choice (as I squirm...)
Death Penalty?:	no way
Prostitution?:	exploitative
Alcohol?:	in moderation
Marijuana?:	in more moderation, under controlled circumstances
Other drugs?:	dangerous and scary
Gay marriage?:	the government should grant civil unions to everyone--get rid of "marriage" altogether
Illegal immigrants?:	my grandfather was one...
Smoking?:	far away from me
Drunk driving?:	unacceptable
Cloning?:	creepy
Racism?:	evil
Premarital sex?:	probably a good thing
Religion?:	whatever makes sense to you
The war in Iraq?:	probably inevitable, but certainly for the wrong reasons
Bush?:	nitwit puppet of some far nastier characters
Downloading music?:	for individual use only
The legal drinking age?:	19? That's what it is in Canada...
Porn?:	for laughs, or if it's tasteful
Suicide?:	"don't do it"

What is your stand on..... brought to you by BZOINK!

Another Friday Five from the vaults...

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?

Why, Wonder Woman, of course. Because she had big boobs and an invisible jet. And she could kick ass.

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?

Ballet lessons! All my elementary-school friends took ballet, but I thought we couldn't afford them. I was probably right...

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?

Madrid, for several hours' layover.

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?

Violin.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?

Many recitals to attend, and I'm working with a coach from New York Sunday. Plus I think we're washing the car. How exciting...

Sorry to be brief, but I have music to learn....

So everybody seems to be slacking on their pages lately... I will try not to let this happen here. I'm sure my entries will decrease a bit once I'm not in school anymore, but I'll do my best.

The big news here is that we've decided to postpone my recital for a few weeks. Things were just not going as smoothly as we thought they would, and (as you know) I've been freaking out since my rocky recital jury. Yesterday in my lesson my teacher brought it up (she assumed I was a bit too fragile to bring it up before, which was astute of her) and we had a serious discussion about it. As long as I do it before the summer sessions are over it's not a problem, but I'd like to get it done in May (my accompanist will be gone during June). So we're laying the really hard, scary Strauss aside and doing a Wagner set that I really wanted to do anyway. Now all I have to do is learn a handful of new songs in the next few weeks...

An archival Friday Five...

(December 7, 2001)

1. If you were to go to a movie this weekend, which one would you pick?

Perhaps the sneak preview of 13 Going on 30, if only because it's basically a remake of Big...

2. What movie would you like to rent this weekend?

I know they show them on TV a lot, but a Mel Brooks movie would be nice. High Anxiety, maybe.

3. What one TV show do you always try to watch?

I've been into watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns on FX lately...

4. If you (and your S.O.) were cool with it, what five celebrities (at the most) would it be 'ok' for you to have a fling with?

Yum. Okay. This is actually harder than I thought it'd be! In no particular order: the two Colins (Farrell and Firth), Jon Stewart (he would be really funny in bed), Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp (why not?). Subject to change.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?

I have three recitals and a Verdi Requiem to go to. My friend's mother is driving in tonight from up North, and a group of us is supposed to have dinner. Hopefully Mark will be able to make it.

And that's it. Yesterday was a crappy day for several reasons, but I'm trying to transcend that. Singing is frustrating right now because I have a $hitload of neck tension. Well, I think I always had it, and I'm just now really noticing how much it affects my singing. I guess that's sort of a good thing, but I'm annoyed about it...

I feel obligated to post, since I haven't done so in a week, but I really don't have much time. (Slept late--allergies.) The main news is that I found out last week that I didn't get into the certificate program I auditioned for--but I'm not too broken up about that, because it means Mark and I can finally live together! I think some tiny, puritannical part of me doesn't like the idea of "shacking up", but what have we been doing, anyway? I know it'll be a HUGE adjustment--I've never been good at sharing, you know. It's really exciting, though. Anyway, what this means is that I'll be getting a part-time job and will try to start a private studio (unless I can get a job with a private music school, which would be ideal). In the meantime, I keep studying (without the pressures of school to get in the way) and audition like mad in the fall. Plus one of these days I'll have to start planning a wedding, so that'll keep me busy. :)

I'm still a bit freaked about my recital, but things are better than they were. My first dress rehearsal is already next Thursday--scary, but I know I can do this. I just need to, um, DO it.

And this is HILARIOUS.

From the lovely Helen:

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.

"...provided the audience with an overview of the development of Brazilian music." From a report on the Tulane University Center for Latin American Studies' 1977-78 Festival of Latin American Music, in Current Musicology 27 (1979). I'm in the library. It's from the stacks.

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

Cubicle wall.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

An episode of The Nanny which featured Jon Stewart as a hot ENT who Fran really hits it off with until she finds out they're cousins. It was a huge coincidence, because I had just been watching The Daily Show, with special guest Jerry Seinfeld. And I realized that I would like to link to the show. So I will.

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Quiet talking, coughing, occasional beeps from the library scanner.

When did you last step outside?

Before I came in here. It's pretty nice out.

Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

My friend was Googling this particular opera summer program, but instead a German-language Matrix fansite came up. Funny...

What are you wearing?

Blue sweater with bell sleeves and asymmetrical cowl neck, black pants, black socks, Skechers.

Did you dream last night?

Yeah, but I don't remember what it was about...

When did you last laugh?

A few minutes ago, at that goofy Matrix site.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Clocks, fire alarms, abstract paintings by Miles Davis.

Seen anything weird lately?

That Matrix site was pretty weird. And I saw a guy talking to himself walking down the street before. Not very exciting.

What do you think of this quiz?

I'm glad it's not "What's your favorite food?", etc.

What is the last movie you saw?

Two minutes of one of the Harry Potter movies on HBO. The last thing I've seen all the way through was What a Girl Wants last week.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

Does paying off my student loans count? :) Probably a house, or a laptop.

Tell me something about you that I don't know:

Yesterday morning I was rubbing my shoulder in the shower, and my hand slipped and I scratched myself really hard. There's a long mark, like I was attacked by a werewolf or had some kinky $ex or something...

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I have to agree with Helen: make sure everyone has something to eat. Mark and I were talking about his undergrad communism class last night...

Do you like to dance?

Yes, but I'm not particularly talented.

George Bush:

Indictment. Him and the rest of them. And I hope they someday realize how much they've damaged our society, and repent for it.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

Annabelle, I think.

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Jonathan or Andrew.

Would you ever consider living abroad?

The more people I talk to, the more I understand that I'll probably have to move to Germany if I really want to have a big career. Granted, I don't know if I really want a big career, but whatever.

I'm just going through some crap right now. Somehow I've developed this horrible, self-defeating performance anxiety. Well, it's anxiety in general. And it's really affecting my singing as well as my health. My teacher is now convinced that it's a chemical imbalance, and I might just think so, too. How many chemically stable people had panic attacks as children? I had them all the time. Everyone had temper tantrums, but mine were always grand mal, happened relatively frequently and were usually accompanied by hyperventilating. I need fundamental changes in my life, and nothing I've tried to do alone or in therapy has ever helped. If I'm happy, it's because things are going well and I've momentarily forgotten about the next deadline or event or four-hour drive in the dark. Maybe Zoloft and BuSpar didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean something else won't. I hate the fact that I might need to rely on medicine, but it doesn't seem like anything else is working. The issue is that I don't have insurance right now--and if I can't afford to pay a doctor, I certainly can't afford individual insurance premiums that are over $100 and high copays. After consulting with my favorite singer forum, I bought some 5-HTP last night... I still want to e-mail the campus vocal health expert (I wanted to be scoped again anyway) to see if she has any ideas for things that won't affect my folds, but in the meantime it's worth a shot. Anyway, I'm sorry to bring everybody down, but what else do I have to talk about?

Oh, by the way, no precious--he says he's still getting the money together, which makes me worry that he's buying something "investment quality". Doesn't he know how bad I am with losing jewelry? But it'll only be a few weeks, in any case. He gave me a heart-shaped necklace with both our initials on it. Very high-school and very sweet. Just when I was feeling really OLD...

Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™
Your entry is as follows:

Today was really difficult.
I got out of bed really late because I've been so tired.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)

I want to say thanks to the academy for giving me this award.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, just like my mom.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.

For real now: this has been a challenging few days. I'll update here when I feel like I can put things into some perspective...

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.

Created with the Gregors's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!

Recital jury in less than an hour! My intestines are already churning... Wish me luck.

I was listening to NOT A PRETTY GIRL this weekend, and I forgot how much I like this song...

Light Of Some Kind

I wish I didn't have this nervous laugh
I wish I didn't say half the stuff I say
I wish I could just learn to cover my tracks
I guess I'm not concerned with getting away

'Cause every time I try to hold my tongue
It slips like a fish from a line
They say if you wanna play you should learn how to play dumb
I guess I can't bring myself to waste your time

'Cause we both know what I've been doing
I've been intentionally bad at lying
You're the only boy I ever let see through me
And I hope you believe me when I say I'm trying
And I hope I never improve my game
I would rather have these things weigh on my mind
'Cause at the end of this tunnel of guilt and shame
There must be a light of some kind
There must be a light of some kind

I must have blown a fuse or something
It was so dark in my mind
She came up to me with the sweetest face
And she was holding a light of some kind
And I still think of you as my boyfriend
I don't think this is the end of the world
But maybe you should follow my example
And go meet yourself a really nice girl...

In the end the whole world comes down to just a few people
But for you it comes down to one
But no one ever asked me if I thought I could be
Everything to someone
There's a crowd of people harbored in every person
There are so many roles that we play
And you've decided to love me for eternity
I'm still deciding who I want to be today...

A quiz from Erik:

Which poem are you? Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda Aw, you're a romantic. You believe in true love and all that sort of stuff. How cute are you? To you, love is incredible and amazing.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

This morning I watched this movie because it was yucky out and also because the luscious Colin Firth is in it. You know you're getting old when you watch teen movies because you think the FATHER is hot... ;)

And speaking of movies with hot people in it, last night I watched The Haunting, which was kind of scary, kind of goofy, but featured a bisexual Catherine Zeta-Jones wandering scantily-clad through a castle. And she makes a CITIZEN KANE reference. She even comes on to Lili Taylor...who proves herself to be completely INSANE by getting scared by it. There is no sane reason why ANYONE, gay or straight, male or female, would EVER in real life kick Catherine Zeta-Jones out of their bed. I mean, there's suspension of disbelief, but PLEASE... :)

...And this was a blog containing no original content.

I should have updated before now, but I've been busy working on music and my program and stuff. And I do have to leave in 20 minutes, so I'll be brief:

I haven't heard anything definite about my comps yet--although my voice teacher said she was really impressed. In fact, she considers it proof that I'm "one of those freaky-smart people". In case you didn't already know. :P So I guess she's going to pass me.

This afternoon I had lunch with E., and then we went to this consignment store where I purchased the most amazing item: a plastic hanger with a huge picture of Tom Selleck's head on it (a la Magnum, P.I.). It cost four dollars, but it was worth it. It's in mint condition.

B.J.'s already at my parents' house, and he's driving up to Mark's tomorrow. We're going to the state art museum and then we'll have dinner somewhere. I'm really curious about this girlfriend. I'm sure she's nice... Oh, yeah, and did you know, Helen, that he's living with your brother and Rich M. and his girlfriend? I did not.

Last note: I only have about a week before I find out about that certificate program I applied for... I really, REALLY want this. But I know that it's a real long shot. I'm trying to stay positive, but not get my hopes up too high at the same time. Difficult... If I don't get in, there's this opera outreach program in Charlotte I'm interested in. It's for about five months in the fall and spring. That would also be a great experience. Mark seems increasingly more convinced that we need to live together. He is quite willing to change jobs. I guess I always thought he wanted to stay with his company, but he keeps telling me that the only way for him to advance is to move to other papers. Honestly, I think he's kind of frustrated with his editor, so he might welcome the change. I really think he ought to stay on through the election, but that's just me. And I'm pretty sure he will. But it's still pretty sweet that he wants us to live together. Though I don't think he's thought much about the logistics--last night I asked him where I would put my clothes, and he seemed pretty resistant to sharing his (HUGE) closet. Well now, he'll have to deal with that... :)

Friday Five

If you...

1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

Probably a mishmash of cheese, curry and peanuts. Oh, and chocolate. So I guess that's Indian, Thai and Italian, with a great dessert menu.

2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?

Sunglasses, little purses and body products. Possibly earrings. Because these are things people buy on impulse, and they'd spend a lot of money... :)

3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?

A Harlequin romance? That couldn't be too hard...

4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?

Voice and diversity training (whatever they call that class they send cops to when they do something racist or stupid).

5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?

Mozart and Strauss, probably. Maybe I'm just copying off of Jane Eaglen. :)

I heard about this yesterday. Well, that's mildly upsetting. Completely unconstitutional, of course. Why can't these jerks just fill potholes and give parking tickets, like they're supposed to? Whatever...

My friend gave an INCREDIBLE recital last night--really difficult music handled well, great energy and intensity. Wonderful overall--we're so proud! Unfortunately my other friend had her recital jury yesterday, and did not pass. She'll have to reschedule it for over the summer or in the fall. She is very talented and works really hard, but she and her teacher just aren't sure what music she should be singing. She has to switch teachers anyway (hers is going abroad for a year), so hopefully this is all for the best and her new teacher will get her on the right track. It's just really upsetting. AND it got me freaked out about MY recital jury, which is two weeks from tomorrow. I really have no reason to worry--I'm musically and technically prepared (with a few minor issues), 90% memorized and feel ready to perform 60% of it right now. And I still have six weeks before my recital. Of the last two pieces still in development, one is pretty much spoken (with LOTS of text to memorize) and the other one is probably the hardest piece musically I've ever done. Harder than the Strauss. This thing is insane. I don't know what key it's in.

Anyway, that's boring. I have news! B.J. is driving down from New York next weekend, and I'll get to see him on the 27th. I haven't seen him since...I don't remember. Probably more than a year. And he's bringing down his girlfriend. This is apparently the first time my parents have EVER met one of his girlfriends. It must be pretty serious. Jeff's had some high-profile relationships, but I haven't seen B.J. with anyone since high school. When I think of my brothers' girlfriends, I get this one composite image in my head, of a very short, petite girl with short brown hair dyed purple. I don't know where this image comes from--if one of them actually dated somebody that looked like that. Jeff's first girlfriend had blonde hair with pink streaks...but they didn't go out for very long. In any case, I'm very curious and looking forward to the visit.

It's after three! I have to eat lunch.

Finished! It only took seven hours. And I spent most of the first hour playing Microsoft games on the exam computer. Total of fourteen pages, with 10 1/2 for the dance/opera question and 3 1/2 for the pedagogy question. The art song composer matching, which I was freaking out about, turned out to be a breeze--it only took about five minutes.

I'm just glad to be done. Going home now...

From Todd:

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I think I've taken that second one before...and I got Bill Clinton that time, too? Does that mean I'm a chubby chaser, too? In a word, YES. I'll admit it. And I like Big Macs as well. So sue me! :)

The next time you hear from me, I will have completed my comprehensive exam. Wish me luck...

Taking a little break...

Things aren't going too badly. I've spent most of the week researching one question (the dance as a signifier in opera one), and I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on it now. I do need to get started reviewing my pedagogy question, but I only need to review my class notes and textbooks from last semester to prepare for that one. (Granted, it's a hundred pages and a month of class notes, but that's not too bad.) And the artsong question from my voice teacher? Straight cramming of that song list. I'll just read over it a few times, then study it on Monday... But after spending the entire week in the library (though I did have two evening social engagements) I really feel like I should have more done than this. Whatever. All I can say is, come Tuesday afternoon I will be completely relieved. (Other than that recital jury thing, and the fact that I'm supposed to have a voice student for Ped class, and the teacher hasn't found me one yet...but let me enjoy the small victories!)

Oh, and we've been talking about Deborah Voigt lately...By the way, a stone is 14 pounds, which makes her estimated weight 210-280 pounds. The people I've talked to say she's probably about 300 pounds. No difference--it's just a damn black dress! She probably has one in her closet that will suffice. I don't know what to think here.

From Webster's Unabridged Dictionary:

RINGER:...(Slang) 1. A race-horse, athlete, or the like entered in a competition under false representation as to identity or ability. 2. A student paid by another to take an exam. 3. Any person or thing that is fraudulent; fake or impostor. 4. A substitute or addition, as a professional musician hired to strengthen a school orchestra. [1375-1425; late Middle English]

or:

(Australian) A highly skilled sheep shearer. [1815-25]

So they were kind of a mix of the two...

Back to work...

I only have a minute, as I am supposedly busy doing research...

I did sing on Saturday--I wasn't at my best, and the acoustics totally sucked in that room, but I did pretty well considering everything. If these two RINGERS hadn't come I might even have won some cash. But my friend Sandra--who I carpooled with--won third place. We were so excited! She works so hard and totally deserved it.

The application materials for the certificate program I auditioned for in December (incidentally, the same one the ringers above are currently enrolled in) are due on Friday. I would have sent them already, except that my director hasn't given me his recommendation letter yet. He already has one on file for me--all he has to do is tack some comments about COSI on the bottom and change the date. It would take ten minutes, max. While it's true that he's busy, I'm getting a little antsy about this. There are two other people from here that applied--they were also in COSI. I wonder if they've gotten their letters yet--they both kiss his ass hard-core, so probably so...

Oh, speaking of which--Friday morning, as I walked into the music building, someone stopped me and said they liked my picture in the paper. Indeed, I had a six-inch color picture on the front page of the features section (with my face on the fold, but whatever). It was an action shot from the Tuesday morning COSI performance--during the last duet, right before I give in to the tenor. It was pretty cool, actually. I haven't told my parents yet, but I'm sure they will be thrilled.

My plans for the rest of the day: learn a lot about DER ROSENKAVALIER and EUGENE ONEGIN and the dancing therein, go to the gym after the library closes, shower, make dinner, and type up the long song cycle-composer list I made last night and this morning which I could not do here because the computer lab is closed. Great fun.

p.s. Todd: you can listen to "The Search is Over" here. I'm sure you've heard it before. The best part about that link is the "customers who bought this also like" section: Asia, Loverboy, Night Ranger, REO Speedwagon and Foreigner. Ain't no denyin'. Oh, and I have also added this CD to my Amazon Wish List... :)

This is my favorite song.

Friday Five

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?

Mrs. Bender, who later became the G&T person for the district, then had some big thing with BOCES, right? The main thing I remember about her was that she wore this particular perfume, and she pronounced the word "ideas" like "eye-dee-urs". What kind of accent is that?

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?

Always liked LOONEY TUNES. And SCOOBY-DOO, I guess.

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?

Was it K.K.?

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?

We never had sugary cereal in our house, so at Grandma's we got to eat Lucky Charms or Cocoa Krispies...

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?

Probably play with Barbies or watch JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS. And to this day, I am still truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

Voice is still shit. I am very frustrated. Resting today. After all, I have these comps to work on. My voice teacher got back to me, though, and she wants me to do some take-home work on a bunch of composers, then just do some matching on the exam day. So that's a load off. I just really need to get going.

And by the way, it's amazing outside. High of 77 degrees, they say. Advanced Vocal Pedagogy was held outside today. (Our professor told us it was the first time he'd ever taught outside. The only problem was the construction going on behind us--it made it difficult to hear.) And I am wearing my official summer uniform--long skirt with sandals. And here it is only March 5--a full month before my birthday, which in New York has historically been 55 degrees and raining.

And speaking of my birthday, I am beginning to assemble a wish list on Amazon. Mostly just for fun. Hopefully you will enjoy it.

Yuck. The Tuesday performance went fine, but by mid-afternoon my voice felt tired. No surprise Wednesday when I couldn't sing well. I got a good night's sleep last night, but it didn't help. I mean, I felt better physically, but my voice still isn't working. It was pretty scary this morning--I felt like I was trying to push a pig into a rabbit hole... I feel like I let everybody down. I got all the notes out, but I was very afraid that I wouldn't. And there had to have been some very unpretty moments. When my voice isn't working right, it seems like there's a huge part of me missing. It's like waking up and realizing your nose is gone. Except that my voice comes back--though you can never tell how long it'll take. All you can do is refrain from talking and singing, hydrate like crazy and rest. How frustrating is it to not TALK? It's pretty difficult, actually. The worst part, though, is waking up in the morning without knowing whether you'll have a voice that day or not. I have spring break next week, so I can take it easy vocally (except for the two songs I need to learn)--but Saturday I'm doing this aria competition (first prize:$1,000!!) and I really want to do well, especially since I have to drive two hours to get there, plus pay my accompanist to come out there. So after Saturday I can REALLY rest (besides church on Sunday), but until then I'm going to live in fear. I guess worst-case scenario is that I wake up Saturday, realize I won't be able to get through without embarrassing myself, and call my accompanist (and the friend I'm carpooling with) and say I won't be going. That's so disappointing, though. Especially because I think I have a serious chance of winning some actual money (even third place gets about $200). I'm starting to feel pretty secure in my technique--Lord knows I've been working hard enough the past six months--and I've even seen a remarkable difference in the consistency of my voice between the opera in November and this one (I've seen both performances on tape). But when something like this happens, I can't help but think that something I did made this happen. Like, did I cough wrong on Tuesday? Did I eat something that made my reflux act up? I had a bunch of neck and shoulder tension, and I got a massage on Monday night, but it didn't seem to help. I'm still not sleeping well at all--I wake up a lot, and it takes a long time to get back to sleep. Plus it takes forever for me to actually fall asleep. (When I'm with Mark, I spend a lot of time watching him sleep--he conks out right away. Maybe I tire him out...) I think I'll make an appointment with Student Health for tomorrow afternoon. That, and yoga (and possibly a drink) with Sandra tonight, and a hair appointment tomorrow, and seeing my boo will hopefully shake me out of this.

Because I'm also freaking a bit about my comps now. They're a week from next Tuesday. I scheduled them right after spring break so I could study at a relatively leisurely pace over the week. I got my second question today--registration and resonance, from my Vocal Ped teacher (the first is about the way dance is used in opera--a LONG question)--and the one from my voice teacher (art song-related, apparently) is apparently on its way. Everything should be fine--I mean, I know the questions already, and I have a whole week to do nothing but sleep, learn two songs and study like crazy--but I'm still freaking out a bit. I've been worried in the back of my head ever since I learned of the existence of the Comprehensive Exam in, like, October 2002. Now the time is fast approaching. I really am not sure what I'm so worried about. I'm good at taking tests, and I have plenty of time to prepare, and as I just said, I know the questions already... My preparation comes down to outlining and preparing an essay, studying that stuff, then typing the essay without any of my notes. And of course my graduation hinges upon "passing"--though what defines passing I'm not sure... I just don't like the concept, you know? Why not just write papers, if that's all it comes down to? Give me a thesis to write or something. Anyway, it's bothering me. Maybe that's what's bothering my voice. Maybe I do just need a Sun Salutation and a strong drink and a laugh or two and a big hug to shake me out of this. I certainly hope so...

But I have been doing well with food this week, actually, hooray me. You can all laugh at me, but I've been reading the Dr. Phil** book and it seems to make sense. (Of course, I've been spending time doing that instead of doing comps research, but what am I supposed to do? I have to prioritize my mental health and personal wellness over reading about nineteenth-century social constructs and how they relate to particular dances. At least to a point. Anyway, I've felt pretty in control over what's going in my body. I did have a Krispy Kreme this morning, but it was only because someone told me they were fresh. Well, they weren't, but whatever. The thing about this book that I like is that it's not about dieting--it's about changing the way you relate to the world around you, as well as how you relate to food. There is a food list, but I'm only getting to that now, 200 pages into the book. And it's about being sensible, not cutting out fruit or wheat bread in exchange for bacon and butter.

Anyway, I think I'll save you more of my sob story, and get in a few more pages of Dr. Phil before actually cracking a book for my comps. (yay)

Helen: I miss you!!! XOXO Please call when you get a chance. Like I said, I'm free all next week, so whenever you have ten minutes, I would love to hear from you. It's been a REALLY long time. :(

**Please do not consider this as an unreserved endorsement of Dr. Phil--I still think he's a little hard on people. Granted, a lot of them need a kick in the ass to get their lives in gear, but there are times when he could soft-pedal it just a little...

Things are going well here. I'm having a pretty good day--gossipping (sp?) a lot, and not necessarily getting a lot of work done, but a good day nonetheless. No, I take that back--I was moving nonstop until five, and then the gossipping began. Mostly talking about the cutiepie 19-year-old in my studio who I did NOT get to see in Jesus Christ Superstar because they couldn't reschedule the performances. And other stuff. But anyway, it's all good.

Tomorrow we begin the three-day run of COSI for all the fifth-graders in the county. Apparently it will total about four thousand people. I wish we'd had the opportunity to see an opera when we were in school. I think it would have had a great effect on some people. Anyway, we had a crazy rehearsal today--too much cutting up and too much innuendo which will not fly with the kids. For instance, there are these Greek-inspired statues in the walls of the theater, and the two guys got a bit familiar with them as they walked through the audience. Despite some of the petty shit that went on, doing this opera was a great experience for me, vocally and dramatically educational as well as just being damn FUN. Thursday will be our last performance. Adieu, COSI.

I guess I should get dinner...

Oh, but here's a site that sells WWJD underwear. Thought some of you might be interested...

A quick entry, as I am at a stand-up terminal in heels and I have to pee and it's snowing:

Just had my Opera North audition. I sang well, and the extra work I did yesterday subtexting my arias really helped me focus my energies. The director was nice, and liked me, but didn't think there was anything for me to sing there. He did think I should start auditioning for year-round apprentice programs, though--specifically he said Sarasota. A girl from my studio who graduated last year is there right now, so it's a familiar entity. ANYWAY, even if I didn't get anything, it was a positive experience.

So the audition explains the heels (and the full bladder, actually). I am in a burgundy dress, cut low in the back and front, with beaded silk split angel sleeves. And three-inch heels. It's time to change.

Re: snow...It started a bit before one o'clock, and is going hard enough for the university to close at four. I was supposed to see JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR this evening (two people from my studio are in it, including the cutie-pie freshman who is singing Pilate), and now I'm not sure if I'll be able to at all. So I'll be at home, cleaning the apartment and watching FRIENDS.

Anyway, like I said, heels, snow and pee. So I'm off like a prom dress.

p.s. The link from Tuesday is a cartoon (in Korean, possibly?) in which cute little anthropomorphic maggots dance around lumps of poo. I think they're singing about how poo looks like yummy foods like peanuts and onion rings to them. The most disturbing part is when a cartoon butt actually, um, defecates with an audible [[squish!]]. It is very, VERY weird.

I needed to share this with all of you. It is the strangest thing I've ever seen. Umm...turn the sound up and enjoy.

Did you know that Margaret Cho, one of my personal heroes, has a blog? Observe the links to the left...

I am sitting in a freezing computer lab. I made an audition tape this morning--equipment drama that I will not go into. I sang okay. Rep class was promising, though--I don't usually sing that well in there, and it went rather well.

I forgot to mention that the certificate program I auditioned for liked my audition and wants me to apply officially. Huge weight off my shoulders. Now I just need to get another recommendation letter--hopefully Dr. H. will oblige me. He's a difficult person to read--I think he likes me, but I think I'm a little too wild for him. He's the kind of person that just needs to have his hair messed up, you know? To be honest, it may just be a slight cultural difference (he's British). ANYWAY, if I get into that program I will hopefully live with Elena here in town--driving forty minutes to school a day, but where else am I going to live? And she and I would have a BLAST.

On a whim, I just did a search on my blog archives to see if you could get any identifying information about me from any locations I mention. I plugged in Mark's city, my city, my school--turns out I have been lax in the past. It's not that I care about strangers being able to find me and stalk me or something. I worry more about someone I'm remotely connected to finding the site and reading it without my knowledge. I talk about shit on here, you know? The last thing I need is for one of my professors to find my site, poke around in my archives and read something nasty I said about them six months ago. Nor do I need them to know about my sex life, or the intimate details of my relationship with food, or how much I complain about stupid random stuff. The thought makes me shudder. I don't know why I'm so worried. Searching for my name won't bring up anything incriminating--the only thing that brings up my site on Google is actually entering the terms "crudele" and "blogspot". And even then it brings up a whole bunch of sites in Italian. My URL is from a random line in The Marriage of Figaro, and the name of my site is part of a quote from Debussy. Now that I've blocked out my city's name and my school in my archives, I should be okay. I think airport symbols will suffice if I find it necessary to mention my location.

Now, before you think I've gone completely black-helicopter on you, let me explain the method behind my madness: the self-marketing seminar I went to that ended last week stressed the importance of creating an official website for ourselves. You can put it on your business cards, resumes--everything, basically. It's cheap advertising, and a great way to update people as to your various appearances, etc. And you don't need to give much identifying information; anyone who needs to contact you can e-mail you, and the legitimate people can get your address and phone number. So this is something I'm going to work on (though it'll probably be May before I get to it). I guess I don't want there to be a way to link that hypothetical website with this one. Although for the news/appearances updates I'll probably use Blogger. Okay, so unless you know my Blogger name and password you couldn't link the pages. ANYWAY, maybe I am a little overly concerned. But as some of us have experienced, the anonymous Internet sometimes gets a little too familiar...

I've just spent the last four-plus hours filing my tax return. I itemized and kept all my receipts like a good girl--I even made spreadsheets for my educational and business expenses--all to be told that I should take the standard deduction. Why do I even bother? I seriously spent a LOT of energy itemizing. I guess I can't complain--money back, as usual. Anyway, I recommend H&R Block. They're pretty user-friendly, and you can chat online with their help desk if you run into problems. So tax away, children.

Oh, and before I forget again: I want to applaud T-Lo for referring to an engagement ring as "precious". That cracked me up.

Two quizzes from Erik that may or may not make sense:

You're Texas!

You aren't really much of your own person, but everyone around you wishes you'd go away, so you might as well be independent.  You're sort of loud-mouthed and abrasive, but you do have a fair amount of power.  You like big trucks, big cattle, and big oil rigs.  And sometimes you really smell.  But it's not all bad, you're big enough to have some soft spots somewhere in all that redneck madness.
Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

I think I might be insulted. I like cows, but I don't like oil rigs and I certainly don't smell, unless I've been at the gym.

You're The Guns of August!

by Barbara Tuchman

Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can diplomats."


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I'm vaguely familiar with this book, but I'm not interested in war, and I try not to dwell on the past. But this does remind me of something that happened yesterday. Mark and I went to a car show (where I did the hard-sell on the Prius for him) which was being held downtown at this convention center. He warned me on our way there that there was a white-power demonstration (and counter-protest) happening downtown at the same time. Creepy, to be sure. On our way to the show we managed to skirt the parade--though we could hear the drums a few blocks off, and there were barricades and lots of police around. But on our way back to the car Mark (newsman he is) wanted to take a look. I didn't really want to, but I was willing to oblige him. Then, still a block or two off, I saw the swastika banners. I immediately turned around and started crying and cursing, and we cut through a building to cross the block. I had this instant visceral reaction to that flag. It's the first time I've actually seen one live in use. I just got so angry. I probably would have had the same reaction--or worse--if I'd seen any Klansmen; we didn't get that close. There appeared to be a pretty large counter-demonstration--apparently the counter-demonstrations are always bigger than the thing they're protesting, which I suppose is comforting. And I know these morons have the right to assemble peaceably--I certainly don't want to take that away from anybody--but it really upsets me that people can still be so ignorant. How many millions of people have died already? I guess it's a naive thought. I must spend too much time with my head in the clouds...

On a less-serious note, I am becoming rather obsessed with the TLC show Clean Sweep. Another show based on a British model, people whose houses are filled with junk are forced to sort through their lives on television, while their rooms are made over for maximum efficiency. It culminates in a big garage sale. I find it so comforting to see people who are worse packrats than my family. (On second thought, I think my uncle and his wife NEED to go on this show--they've singlehandedly filled my grandparents' basement with CRAP.) My favorite episodes feature married women in their thirties who still own every single stuffed animal they've ever received. It's unbelievable. It really makes you reevaluate your life. The thing the organization experts focus try to drive home is that if you're not using something and it's not particularly valuable to you, why do you hang on to it? So in honor of the show, I stopped at Goodwill this morning to drop off the huge bag (clothes, stuffed animals, various tchotchkes that haven't seen the light of day in more than a year) that had been sitting on my bedroom floor for over a month. And next weekend Mark and I plan to tackle his closet. He has shirts that I KNOW he hasn't worn since before we started dating. (Sidebar: poking around in his closet yesterday, I found his junior-varsity satin wrestling jacket, from 1986 or so. It was pretty funny. I like that his weight was on the left sleeve--he was in the 167 weight class back then, pre-puberty. That kills me.) And dare I mention the boxes of preschool report cards he inherited from his parents (who kept every scrap of paper EVER)? That will be for another weekend--I have a dust allergy, you know...

Oh, but here's an interesting bio on John Kerry. Mark and I were talking a few weeks ago about whether he was Catholic; after some digging, he discovered that he's a secular Jew. Will this come up during the election? For example, will Bush's people try to say Kerry's not pious enough or something because he's not some hypocrite who postures about how religious he is? We've also been talking about Edwards's chances against Bush. All that trust-fund-Mainer-cum-fake-Texan-ness will be even more obvious up against someone who actually grew up middle-class and went to a public college, for God's sake! The whole thing's pretty interesting, actually....

Friday Five

When was the last time you:

1. ...went to the doctor?

January, for a lingering sinus infection that didn't cause too many problems, actually.

2. ...went to the dentist?

June 2002, for my wisdom teeth extraction. I wish I had insurance...

3. ...filled your gas tank?

Mark did it last Saturday afternoon.

4. ...got enough sleep?

Monday night. Or Wednesday? I can't remember...

5. ...backed up your computer?

Like two computers ago.

I have all this stuff to do, and I feel more obligated to return e-mails from NOVEMBER than to update my blog. But things are okay--other than the fact that I've gotten three parking tickets in ten days, after not getting one the entire time I lived in Gbo, but don't get me started on that--and I'll write again soon.

p.s. Added Sir Broom-A-Lot to my links...

Sorry y'all, no ring. But I did get a nice silk scarf with a dragon on it, and a Burt's Bees foot care kit, and an admission that there is "a plan" in the works, though no further details of said plan were released. And I'd rather it be that way. Total surprise.

Anyway, the master class went okay. I didn't get to sing until the afternoon anyway, and there were mixed results (my teacher was playing for me, so she couldn't watch, but she said I didn't sound any better while the lady was messing with my alignment and stuff, so whatever).

I'm trying to get hardcore about learning all this music. The pressure is on! Today in my coaching Dr. H. said that he wanted to hear this one piece next week that I have not looked at yet at all. I've got three pieces in the works right now, so next week I'll start looking at it. Argh. No worries, I think the music for my finale shipped out today. I hope I can sing it--I've never heard it and am going on someone else's opinion...

Must go to recital.