Still not enough time for a full post, but I thought I'd try the Friday Five:
1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
Applying to and auditioning for and attending grad school--it was a big step!
2. What was your biggest disappointment?
My myriad health problems, most of which are partly psychosomatic. That, and gaining back that weight I spent like $900 to lose.
3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions?
To try to get back into the shape I was in in 1998--The Year of the Baby Tees... :) Oh, and also to grow as a performer, and to become a better cook. My mother got me The Perfect Pancake for Christmas, after all!
4. Where will you be at midnight? Do you wish you could be somewhere else?
Mark and I will be attending First Night Raleigh--concerts, ballroom dance lessons, henna tattoos, watching the big acorn drop, fireworks...all for $10 per person. Such a good deal--I don't mind not drinking, you know?
5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions?
Well, the first two days of the year are invariably when I hit my emotional low...I'd rather not think of that as a tradition, though. And there was the one year Helen and I got stoned and watched infomercials...
Friday, December 27
Tuesday, December 24
So much to say, so little time. I'm at Mark's and it's one-thirty in the morning--I've been up since before seven--but I needed to write something. Buffalo trip good. Singing in class good--a bit scary, but not too bad. Got 4.0 for semester! How did I do it? Helen had baby! Welcome to our Stevie Nicks coven, Elinor Louise! :) More later. Must sleep...
Tuesday, December 10
I had my jury about forty minutes ago. It went pretty well. Though you know they had to pick the really fast song in F# major that needs a page-turner... But it went pretty well. I've really progressed over the course of the semester. With only a few days left of my semester (my French final tomorrow--yawn, a choir recording session on Thursday, and a little aria to do on Friday), I can safely say that my second first semester of grad school has been infinitely more rewarding and definitely less stressful than my first try. Yes, I will be returning in January.
And the fact that my jury wasn't until 5 P.M. afforded me luxuries to which I am not accustomed: I slept until nine, took a long bath, gave myself a pedicure, read the January Marie Claire (a.k.a. Cosmo with a conscience), and ran through all my translations several times. I got to campus at about two o'clock, checked my e-mail, then found a practice room, where I was able to listen to my last two lessons before I did any serious singing. And they were running about half-an-hour late. Anyway, the slow pace of things helped me not to get nervous until right before I had to sing. So now all I have to worry about is that test tomorrow--for a pass-fail class, where I've never gotten a grade lower than 95%--and the aria in Op Shop Friday. And the latter is somewhat stressful, but I think I'll make it.
Speaking of Op Shop--there was something important I didn't get to mention yesterday or last week. On Wednesday afternoon (during the storm) I met with Kala (the psychologist), where all this crazy shit came out. I had been talking in there about how my undergrad voice teacher has become this mean, creepy Superego taunting me inside my head about my singing, and I mentioned that the only time I really have performance anxiety is for my opera workshop. And it was pretty obvious why--because the professor reminds me of my father, and it makes me feel weird. But why? And he isn't the first teacher I've had this reaction to--Mr. Cartisano (my American History teacher) brought about a similar, if less potent reaction in me, for the same reason. Anyway, what it boils down to is that the reason this particular professor gets to me is because he asks us to be emotionally open (if only in a theatrical way)--and I am definitely not emotionally open with my father. And I've only been so a handful of times in my entire life. The main reason why is because he was never around when I was young--when he wasn't working, he was drinking, and though he wasn't abusive, he did neglect us. I basically grew up in a single-parent household. Yes, he was working sixty hours a week, but I needed more from him than money. And when my mother was in the hospital, he had his own shit going on--and I was basically running things and looking after my brothers. Nobody ever told me to do it--I just did. I was the "Caretaker Child", or whatever that shit is. At that time in my life--13, puberty, no friends, etc.--I needed a parent maybe more than at any other time since infancy. And honestly, I didn't have one. My parents were all wrapped up in their own problems--which were huge, to be sure--and weren't able to give me what I needed. And by the time I was in high school and things had settled down, I was "over" that mess. As far as I was concerned, I didn't need my parents for emotional support. I remember a specific evening in tenth grade when my father came into my bedroom and asked me if I was okay. I was doing Spanish homework, I think. Anyway, I told him I was fine. But what I was really thinking was, "No, I'm not okay. I'm pretty fucking far from okay. But you know what? It's none of your fucking business. You lost your chance to be a sitcom dad a long time ago, capisce?" So when he did want to be involved, it was too little, too late. And now I'm nearly 26 years old, I'm an adult, in a few years I'll be starting my own family...and this is still bothering me, manifesting itself in some crazy-ass ways. And my father is a wonderful person, don't get me wrong. We have similar personalities, we do things together, and we have a pretty good relationship...except that it's all on the surface. My mother is the one who knows the secrets--she's the one who really knows me. Oh, I'm sure this is a common problem--even in stable families--but apparently I'm still screwed up about it. So now my task is to try to build this relationship, one step at a time. It won't always be easy, but I think we're both open to it--I know that he cares about me, it's just that we've never talked about it. I just don't want to cry, you know? Because that would suck. I don't want it to hurt, because it's been hurting all this time already. But I guess that's too much to ask. So isn't it so crazy that over a decade later, this shit should come up now? That I should be driven to hysterical tears over something that I thought was already "dealt with" in therapy a long time ago? I guess that's just the way things are...
Anyway, sorry to drop that bomb and then leave, but all I've eaten today is raisin bran and a peanut butter sandwich...I'll write more tomorrow, I hope...
Current music: "Tu che di gel sei cinta"--Puccini (Turandot)...which was my first jury piece.
And the fact that my jury wasn't until 5 P.M. afforded me luxuries to which I am not accustomed: I slept until nine, took a long bath, gave myself a pedicure, read the January Marie Claire (a.k.a. Cosmo with a conscience), and ran through all my translations several times. I got to campus at about two o'clock, checked my e-mail, then found a practice room, where I was able to listen to my last two lessons before I did any serious singing. And they were running about half-an-hour late. Anyway, the slow pace of things helped me not to get nervous until right before I had to sing. So now all I have to worry about is that test tomorrow--for a pass-fail class, where I've never gotten a grade lower than 95%--and the aria in Op Shop Friday. And the latter is somewhat stressful, but I think I'll make it.
Speaking of Op Shop--there was something important I didn't get to mention yesterday or last week. On Wednesday afternoon (during the storm) I met with Kala (the psychologist), where all this crazy shit came out. I had been talking in there about how my undergrad voice teacher has become this mean, creepy Superego taunting me inside my head about my singing, and I mentioned that the only time I really have performance anxiety is for my opera workshop. And it was pretty obvious why--because the professor reminds me of my father, and it makes me feel weird. But why? And he isn't the first teacher I've had this reaction to--Mr. Cartisano (my American History teacher) brought about a similar, if less potent reaction in me, for the same reason. Anyway, what it boils down to is that the reason this particular professor gets to me is because he asks us to be emotionally open (if only in a theatrical way)--and I am definitely not emotionally open with my father. And I've only been so a handful of times in my entire life. The main reason why is because he was never around when I was young--when he wasn't working, he was drinking, and though he wasn't abusive, he did neglect us. I basically grew up in a single-parent household. Yes, he was working sixty hours a week, but I needed more from him than money. And when my mother was in the hospital, he had his own shit going on--and I was basically running things and looking after my brothers. Nobody ever told me to do it--I just did. I was the "Caretaker Child", or whatever that shit is. At that time in my life--13, puberty, no friends, etc.--I needed a parent maybe more than at any other time since infancy. And honestly, I didn't have one. My parents were all wrapped up in their own problems--which were huge, to be sure--and weren't able to give me what I needed. And by the time I was in high school and things had settled down, I was "over" that mess. As far as I was concerned, I didn't need my parents for emotional support. I remember a specific evening in tenth grade when my father came into my bedroom and asked me if I was okay. I was doing Spanish homework, I think. Anyway, I told him I was fine. But what I was really thinking was, "No, I'm not okay. I'm pretty fucking far from okay. But you know what? It's none of your fucking business. You lost your chance to be a sitcom dad a long time ago, capisce?" So when he did want to be involved, it was too little, too late. And now I'm nearly 26 years old, I'm an adult, in a few years I'll be starting my own family...and this is still bothering me, manifesting itself in some crazy-ass ways. And my father is a wonderful person, don't get me wrong. We have similar personalities, we do things together, and we have a pretty good relationship...except that it's all on the surface. My mother is the one who knows the secrets--she's the one who really knows me. Oh, I'm sure this is a common problem--even in stable families--but apparently I'm still screwed up about it. So now my task is to try to build this relationship, one step at a time. It won't always be easy, but I think we're both open to it--I know that he cares about me, it's just that we've never talked about it. I just don't want to cry, you know? Because that would suck. I don't want it to hurt, because it's been hurting all this time already. But I guess that's too much to ask. So isn't it so crazy that over a decade later, this shit should come up now? That I should be driven to hysterical tears over something that I thought was already "dealt with" in therapy a long time ago? I guess that's just the way things are...
Anyway, sorry to drop that bomb and then leave, but all I've eaten today is raisin bran and a peanut butter sandwich...I'll write more tomorrow, I hope...
Current music: "Tu che di gel sei cinta"--Puccini (Turandot)...which was my first jury piece.
Monday, December 9
Well, as you may know, we had a bad snow/ice storm here last Wednesday. I was without power (including heat!) for about 40 hours, but luckily it came back on early Saturday at 3:30 AM. It seems that everybody has their horror stories about getting stuck in the ice or spinning out. The main problem was the ice. It took down so many trees. There are still closed roads, and over a million people were without power in North Carolina alone. Mark is still without power. And the other ice-related problem is that these people are just not equipped to handle it--very little sanding/salting has occured on all but the major roads. My car slid about 45 degrees this morning trying to pull out of my complex. That pisses me off! It's on an incline, and isn't particularly safe even when it isn't iced over. Anyway, I could go on for pages about how I spent Thursday (but I won't because it'll just irritate me). So things are pretty much back to normal here. And I was able to return my rental--albeit during the storm.
On another note, this morning I went to the health center and finally was prescribed Prevacid for my acid reflux. Unfortunately it cost over $100 a month--for two months--and I don't have health insurance. And this is the cheapest one out there. But I really need to heal, so it's definitely worth it. I just wish I had the money to afford this...
Today is the last day of classes (I'm actually skipping my last French class right now), and tomorrow at 5 PM is my jury time. I have my French final Wednesday at noon, my choir is recording something Thursday, and I have to sing for my opera workshop on Friday afternoon. After that--I'm outty! I'm driving directly to Mark's, complete with all my dirty laundry, and we leave for Buffalo on Monday morning. (Erik: I will call you within the next few days with the details.) I'm getting excited now. But I still have that jury to contend with...
Helen: Where's that damn baby, already?! :) I had my phone on Vibrate and everything! Best of luck!
On another note, this morning I went to the health center and finally was prescribed Prevacid for my acid reflux. Unfortunately it cost over $100 a month--for two months--and I don't have health insurance. And this is the cheapest one out there. But I really need to heal, so it's definitely worth it. I just wish I had the money to afford this...
Today is the last day of classes (I'm actually skipping my last French class right now), and tomorrow at 5 PM is my jury time. I have my French final Wednesday at noon, my choir is recording something Thursday, and I have to sing for my opera workshop on Friday afternoon. After that--I'm outty! I'm driving directly to Mark's, complete with all my dirty laundry, and we leave for Buffalo on Monday morning. (Erik: I will call you within the next few days with the details.) I'm getting excited now. But I still have that jury to contend with...
Helen: Where's that damn baby, already?! :) I had my phone on Vibrate and everything! Best of luck!
Tuesday, December 3
I have a badass rental car! It's a 2003 Toyota Corolla S. At first it felt weird driving it--it's a lot higher than 'Rolla--but now I love it! Though I also feel a bit like I'm cheating on 'Rolla. We have a special relationship. We've been through a lot together! Like the time when I crashed her into a stone wall on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill; and the time when I drove her home, totally stoned 12 hours after my last puff; and Mark and I had our first kiss two feet from her right rear fender. And when I got laid off from the Ford dealership, I cried on her steering wheel all the way home. The innumerable grains of sand from Fort Fisher and Wrightsville Beach I've tracked into her floormats! The countless meals I've eaten behind the wheel! Ah, so many good times and bad times--though only one sex act (guess which one). ...My Lord, why am I eulogizing my car? It's bad enough that she has a name. And I'm getting her back tomorrow! ((sigh)) I have issues...
In other news: I just went for an eye exam--it had been 2 1/2 years, and I only have 4 pairs of contacts left. Well, I just paid $115 to hear that my eyes are perfectly fine, and that my prescription has not changed. What the hell's the point of getting an eye exam if they're not gonna up your prescription?? Maybe my eyes are finally stabilizing--but what does it matter? I'll still have to have exams every few years...I'm just a little irritated, because I really don't have the money right now--especially with the holidays here.
Anyway...what else? Well, I greatly enjoyed talking to Helen last night--is the tree still standing? :) And I did have a good Thanksgiving--Mark and I visited a friend of his in Chapel Hill that Wednesday, and they had a beautiful 19-month-old daughter that I got to play with. On Thursday we drove to Wilmington, and had a noticeably pleasant time with my parents. Friday I wasn't feeling well--I really ought to cut sweet potatoes out of my diet entirely, but I love them so much!--and Saturday we went to the Crabtree mall (it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be, partly because there are two brand-new malls within five miles of it) and then went to see Solaris. We watched the 1972 Tarkofsky version on TMC the night before, and I liked them both--the new one's a bit too Hollywood, and the old one's an hour too long, but they are otherwise entertaining and thought-provoking films. Sunday I came back to _______ and did some very successful practicing/score study. Yesterday was hectic, but I did manage to pick up the rental, have a good lesson, sing well in rep class (for once!!), and all but complete my holiday shopping. I can't wait until [baby's name] is born! :) And today I managed to schedule my jury (which was a problem) and get that eye exam. And tonight I'm having dinner with Elena and Jeff. A full day... Which is good, really. Though I did promise myself I would work out tonight. First thing when I get home!!
In other news: I just went for an eye exam--it had been 2 1/2 years, and I only have 4 pairs of contacts left. Well, I just paid $115 to hear that my eyes are perfectly fine, and that my prescription has not changed. What the hell's the point of getting an eye exam if they're not gonna up your prescription?? Maybe my eyes are finally stabilizing--but what does it matter? I'll still have to have exams every few years...I'm just a little irritated, because I really don't have the money right now--especially with the holidays here.
Anyway...what else? Well, I greatly enjoyed talking to Helen last night--is the tree still standing? :) And I did have a good Thanksgiving--Mark and I visited a friend of his in Chapel Hill that Wednesday, and they had a beautiful 19-month-old daughter that I got to play with. On Thursday we drove to Wilmington, and had a noticeably pleasant time with my parents. Friday I wasn't feeling well--I really ought to cut sweet potatoes out of my diet entirely, but I love them so much!--and Saturday we went to the Crabtree mall (it wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be, partly because there are two brand-new malls within five miles of it) and then went to see Solaris. We watched the 1972 Tarkofsky version on TMC the night before, and I liked them both--the new one's a bit too Hollywood, and the old one's an hour too long, but they are otherwise entertaining and thought-provoking films. Sunday I came back to _______ and did some very successful practicing/score study. Yesterday was hectic, but I did manage to pick up the rental, have a good lesson, sing well in rep class (for once!!), and all but complete my holiday shopping. I can't wait until [baby's name] is born! :) And today I managed to schedule my jury (which was a problem) and get that eye exam. And tonight I'm having dinner with Elena and Jeff. A full day... Which is good, really. Though I did promise myself I would work out tonight. First thing when I get home!!
Monday, November 25
I had this totally shitty lesson today. I mean, yes, it's that time of the month and everything, but I could just not think straight. I would tell my body to do something, and it would do the complete opposite. Anyway, I'm kind of glum for that reason (and the hormones are not helping), so I'm going to lay low tonight and just listen to music and get some cleaning done. Memorizing and taking notes on my lesson (argh) can wait until Wednesday (or Friday!) I think I need some time to enjoy live and do things that I'm good at without thought--like crochet. Why do I have such violent mood swings? I've been like this since puberty. I thought it would go away once I became an adult. Yeah, they say acne's supposed to go away, too. :\
Well, I have to go to my rep class (joint rep in the recital hall--I'll bring my crochet bag). I may not write again for a few days--if not, I hope everybody has a great Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey and be thankful you don't have acid reflux. (Unless you do--in which case, easy on the Stove Top!)
Current music: "She Loves You"--The Beatles
p.s. Erik--plane tickets have been reserved! I will e-mail you the particulars...
Well, I have to go to my rep class (joint rep in the recital hall--I'll bring my crochet bag). I may not write again for a few days--if not, I hope everybody has a great Thanksgiving! Eat lots of turkey and be thankful you don't have acid reflux. (Unless you do--in which case, easy on the Stove Top!)
Current music: "She Loves You"--The Beatles
p.s. Erik--plane tickets have been reserved! I will e-mail you the particulars...
Sunday, November 24
Every weekend I go to Raleigh, I feel totally cheated. Since I have to be back in Greensboro by 8:30am on Sunday, I never get to see Mark for more than 36 hours--roughly 16 hours of which is spent sleeping. And it's so hard to leave him at 7 in the morning; he looks like a little baby when he's sleeping, and all I want to do is kiss him. Anyway, it sucks. But I sure like the money from the church job, so I guess I can't complain too much. It's hard, though.
Friday night Mark and I went to the chili place, and Saturday we went to the county library book sale (we did good--I bought some really old music books, a few gifts, and even a hardcover copyof The Satanic Verses, which I have been wanting to read) and got Thai takeout (yum). This afternoon I met with the parents of the kid who hit my car (they were indeed very nice), and I got a haircut. It was done entirely with a razor. I feel all perky! :) Tonight I was supposed to study for a French quiz with Elena, but she isn't around, so I guess I'll just practice and then go home and study by myself.
I cannot wait for Tuesday afternoon to be here.
Current music: "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" (the Crosbys' version, I think)
Friday night Mark and I went to the chili place, and Saturday we went to the county library book sale (we did good--I bought some really old music books, a few gifts, and even a hardcover copyof The Satanic Verses, which I have been wanting to read) and got Thai takeout (yum). This afternoon I met with the parents of the kid who hit my car (they were indeed very nice), and I got a haircut. It was done entirely with a razor. I feel all perky! :) Tonight I was supposed to study for a French quiz with Elena, but she isn't around, so I guess I'll just practice and then go home and study by myself.
I cannot wait for Tuesday afternoon to be here.
Current music: "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" (the Crosbys' version, I think)
Thursday, November 21
Well, I have a sinus infection. I'm feeling much better, though, now that I'm on amoxicillin. Where would I be without antibiotics? (I wouldn't have survived those Binghamton winters without them...) Otherwise things are pretty good. This week was pretty low-key because my opera workshop didn't meet, so I was able to tend to my health needs, as well as those of 'Rolla. I had two more estimates done on Monday--the first one was for almost $2400, which totally freaked me out, and the second was about $50 cheaper than the Toyota dealership's, which I had done last Thursday. I'm going to go with the Toyota dealership--the body shop manager really seemed to know what he was talking about, and I'd rather have "official authorized Toyota bodywork" if I'm so unfortunate as to need bodywork in the first place. I talked to the kid's mother again today, and we'll be meeting Sunday afternoon so I can give them a copy of the estimate and we can discuss logistics.
I like my job--I always leave there feeling as if I've really accomplished something. Today alone I sent out over 20 faxes, did a mail merge, reformatted a spreadsheet, mailed out a bunch of letters, prepared some subcontracts for authorization, and made lots of labels. Okay, well, maybe it doesn't sound like too much, but it did keep me busy for 3 1/2 hours. I guess I just feel like I'm contributing to something. Plus it's part-time, so when I leave there I can leave all the baggage behind. It's so relaxing to be able to not stress about a job.
I've spent some time the past few days just driving around outside of town. Tuesday I actually drove off the map (well, for a mile, anyway) and got to see lots of cows and horses, along with some huge rich-people houses. I miss cows and horses, you know? It reminds me of taking the bus down Rte. 302...
News! Mark and I were considering going to Charleston next week, but the hotel coupon I had turned out to be not that hot, so I don't know where we're going (if we're going anywhere). But we are going to Buffalo the week of December 16th! I'm not sure just what days yet, but it will be for three or four days mid-week. I will get to see you, Erik! And I'll be within 200 miles of Helen in time for her due date! (I guess that's closer psychically, right?) I will give you more details as they become known.
In other news: Aaron picked Helene! I could tell they had something special even a month ago. And yes, I know it's ridiculous to accept an engagement from someone you've only known for six weeks, but I still think they make a good couple. Let me be a little dorky!
Current music:"Dreams"--Fleetwood Mac
I like my job--I always leave there feeling as if I've really accomplished something. Today alone I sent out over 20 faxes, did a mail merge, reformatted a spreadsheet, mailed out a bunch of letters, prepared some subcontracts for authorization, and made lots of labels. Okay, well, maybe it doesn't sound like too much, but it did keep me busy for 3 1/2 hours. I guess I just feel like I'm contributing to something. Plus it's part-time, so when I leave there I can leave all the baggage behind. It's so relaxing to be able to not stress about a job.
I've spent some time the past few days just driving around outside of town. Tuesday I actually drove off the map (well, for a mile, anyway) and got to see lots of cows and horses, along with some huge rich-people houses. I miss cows and horses, you know? It reminds me of taking the bus down Rte. 302...
News! Mark and I were considering going to Charleston next week, but the hotel coupon I had turned out to be not that hot, so I don't know where we're going (if we're going anywhere). But we are going to Buffalo the week of December 16th! I'm not sure just what days yet, but it will be for three or four days mid-week. I will get to see you, Erik! And I'll be within 200 miles of Helen in time for her due date! (I guess that's closer psychically, right?) I will give you more details as they become known.
In other news: Aaron picked Helene! I could tell they had something special even a month ago. And yes, I know it's ridiculous to accept an engagement from someone you've only known for six weeks, but I still think they make a good couple. Let me be a little dorky!
Current music:"Dreams"--Fleetwood Mac
Sunday, November 17
I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to let you all know that everything is pretty good. I've had a bitch of a cold (apparently some mini-flu Mark brought up from Wilmington), but it was nothing that Allegra and lots of Nyquil couldn't drive out of my system. So now I am almost back to normal (though I'll be coughing for a few more days), and am ready for some well-deserved R&R. All I really have looming over my head for the rest of the semester are three performances (two in-class solos and one choral concert--all of which are in like three weeks), my French final (cake) and my jury (which I'm not even thinking about yet). So I've decided it's time to get my apartment cleaned up (it is a total mess) and start working on those Christmas presents! Yes, the time has come. This afternoon I saw Amahl and the Night Visitors, which has totally got me in the mood to ho-ho-ho. (Not that I ever needed a reason before...) Helen, you must tell me what Liam/Nellie needs. (An all-fish buffet, perhaps??) Anyway, I must go, but don't y'all worry too much about me. The weather outside is frightful, but I am oh-so-delightful.
Oh my God, did I overdose on Nyquil?! :)
p.s. Had an estimate done on my car--including three days car rental, it'll be just about $1200. I have to get another estimate done, but that seems reasonable considering what they'll have to do. The kid's family has been very cool about everything--I think they're just glad I'm not crying Whiplash.
Current music: "Let it Snow" (well, it's about 40 degrees and raining hard...can't I just imagine?)
Oh my God, did I overdose on Nyquil?! :)
p.s. Had an estimate done on my car--including three days car rental, it'll be just about $1200. I have to get another estimate done, but that seems reasonable considering what they'll have to do. The kid's family has been very cool about everything--I think they're just glad I'm not crying Whiplash.
Current music: "Let it Snow" (well, it's about 40 degrees and raining hard...can't I just imagine?)
Thursday, November 14
It's been a busy few days! I feel like I've been in a whirlwind. First off, right after I wrote my last entry I went with Vanessa, one of the 2nd-year grad students, over to the Super Wal-mart across town. We hadn't spent too much time together previously, but she's really cool and nice, so I'm glad we had the chance to get to know each other better. I bought way too much junk, but managed to keep my eating relatively reasonable. Then I played with my hair for like an hour (which isn't as fun as it sounds, actually),trying to decide how I should wear it for the Wednesday performance. Wednesday morning I had a French exam and then went to the School of Music to get ready. I had a dress rehearsal (two run-throughs) at one and the performance at four. Mark actually was able to come (though it'd be too confusing to explain why), which I was really excited about. I think it all went really well--and it was a lot of fun! Mark and I went out to dinner afterwards, and then I went to church choir rehearsal. On my way home I got rear-ended by this young kid (someone ahead of me was making a left turn, I think, and the kid just wasn't paying attention). Don't worry! I'm okay. His car sustained some serious damage, but mine is basically all right--my bumper is scratched, and the trunk isn't closing completely. The guy's parents don't want to get the insurance companies involved, so I'm going this afternoon to have an estimate done (which I assume they're going to pay). It's all just kind of annoying. I was pretty shaken up last night, but now I'm just tired and want to have the whole business done with already...
Current music: this crazy coloratura aria that one of my friends sang in class today...
Current music: this crazy coloratura aria that one of my friends sang in class today...
Tuesday, November 12
Y'all are lucky I'm even here right now. Choir was cancelled today (we had concerts Friday and Sunday, and a long rehearsal Saturday), so I worked an extra half hour. I was actually able to go home for lunch! So I got here about 15 minutes ago, just in time for my 2pm class, and what do you know? It was cancelled, too! I would never even have come to campus today if I'd known that. Why he didn't tell us yesterday, I have no idea. Anyway. So yeah, I had two concerts this weekend. And my voice was not up to par, but I got through it. Mark got stuck in traffic Friday night, so he missed my solo. :( I was okay with it, though, provided he would still be able to make it to my workshop performance tomorrow. Guess what? Because the governor vetoed some bill, the State Assembly got called back into session for like two hours, tomorrow afternoon. Those fuckers have been off for a month already, and the only time they're meeting between now and January is tomorrow afternoon. I was pretty damn upset. It's not Mark's fault or anything, but it still made me angry. At least I can say it took a special session of Congress to pull Mark away from my performance. :)
So anyway, yeah, my reflux is a problem. Finding out about my call being moved Friday night was enough to start the process. I'm really not that short-fused, you know? So the counselor I've been meeting with helped me with some relaxation techniques yesterday. I will freely admit that I cannot deal with stressful situations...hopefully this will help me. In the meantime, I'll take my Pepcid and my Prevacid, with occasional help from Mr. Tums, and we'll get through this ordeal.
In happier news, Mark and I are probably going to Charleston for a few days over Thanksgiving. I'm so excited! It's so beautiful there. And I know we're theoretically supposed to be boycotting South Carolina tourist spots, but it's not like I'm going to South of the Border or some Confederate war memorial. (Though you can see Fort Sumter from the mainland...) And I don't plan on spending too much money, either. And I think we are going to try to go to Buffalo sometime in December. It's time I met his twin brother, don't you think? I'm also totally working on a trip to DC (the train fares are totally reasonable). Unfortunately all this traveling means I won't get to downstate NY or Buffalo this Christmas. :( No, I won't get to see the baby born or anything, but I do expect to see the unedited pictorial gallery online, just like with Margaret. :) And the presents will be in the mail. Maybe I can get up there in March, during my Spring Break. That's my plan, anyway.
Current music: "Don't Worry Baby"--The Beach Boys
So anyway, yeah, my reflux is a problem. Finding out about my call being moved Friday night was enough to start the process. I'm really not that short-fused, you know? So the counselor I've been meeting with helped me with some relaxation techniques yesterday. I will freely admit that I cannot deal with stressful situations...hopefully this will help me. In the meantime, I'll take my Pepcid and my Prevacid, with occasional help from Mr. Tums, and we'll get through this ordeal.
In happier news, Mark and I are probably going to Charleston for a few days over Thanksgiving. I'm so excited! It's so beautiful there. And I know we're theoretically supposed to be boycotting South Carolina tourist spots, but it's not like I'm going to South of the Border or some Confederate war memorial. (Though you can see Fort Sumter from the mainland...) And I don't plan on spending too much money, either. And I think we are going to try to go to Buffalo sometime in December. It's time I met his twin brother, don't you think? I'm also totally working on a trip to DC (the train fares are totally reasonable). Unfortunately all this traveling means I won't get to downstate NY or Buffalo this Christmas. :( No, I won't get to see the baby born or anything, but I do expect to see the unedited pictorial gallery online, just like with Margaret. :) And the presents will be in the mail. Maybe I can get up there in March, during my Spring Break. That's my plan, anyway.
Current music: "Don't Worry Baby"--The Beach Boys
Friday, November 8
The Friday Five
1. Did you vote in your last elections? ~Yes, but not too many people I voted for actually won...
2. Do you know who your elected representatives are? ~Some of them, but I knew a lot more about them when I lived in Wilmington. It sure helped that Mark knew everybody. I mean, I used to sing with a county commissioner, and we ran into county commissioners in the Cracker Barrel, a state senator at Party City (and JC Penney), and (my favorite) last November we ran into the mayor-elect in Office Depot, where he was purchasing Robert's Rules of Order. You can't make this stuff up.
3. Have you ever contacted an elected representative? If so, what was it about? ~Not personally, but I have done a bunch of those
"e-mail your representatives this form letter to end domestic violence"-type things. I don't know how effective they are, but I have gotten responses back. And when I was in high school I wrote to President Clinton about pornography or something--and I did get one of those form letters back.
4. Have you ever participated in a demonstration? ~I've done a few Take Back the Night marches, but nothing to really write about.
5. Have you ever volunteered in an election? What was the result? ~I haven't...That would mean having twelve hours free on a Tuesday in November, which just doesn't happen for me...
Yesterday was kind of a crappy day--I found out that my dress rehearsal tonight starts at 5:45, not 6:30 like we had originally thought. Luckily they let me out of work early today, so I get to write to all of you. I have to go now, though--I'm not sounding so hot right now, and need some intense warm-ups...
Current music: "Complicated"--Avril Lavigne (curses! I knew I shouldn't be listening to the modern soft rock station...)
1. Did you vote in your last elections? ~Yes, but not too many people I voted for actually won...
2. Do you know who your elected representatives are? ~Some of them, but I knew a lot more about them when I lived in Wilmington. It sure helped that Mark knew everybody. I mean, I used to sing with a county commissioner, and we ran into county commissioners in the Cracker Barrel, a state senator at Party City (and JC Penney), and (my favorite) last November we ran into the mayor-elect in Office Depot, where he was purchasing Robert's Rules of Order. You can't make this stuff up.
3. Have you ever contacted an elected representative? If so, what was it about? ~Not personally, but I have done a bunch of those
"e-mail your representatives this form letter to end domestic violence"-type things. I don't know how effective they are, but I have gotten responses back. And when I was in high school I wrote to President Clinton about pornography or something--and I did get one of those form letters back.
4. Have you ever participated in a demonstration? ~I've done a few Take Back the Night marches, but nothing to really write about.
5. Have you ever volunteered in an election? What was the result? ~I haven't...That would mean having twelve hours free on a Tuesday in November, which just doesn't happen for me...
Yesterday was kind of a crappy day--I found out that my dress rehearsal tonight starts at 5:45, not 6:30 like we had originally thought. Luckily they let me out of work early today, so I get to write to all of you. I have to go now, though--I'm not sounding so hot right now, and need some intense warm-ups...
Current music: "Complicated"--Avril Lavigne (curses! I knew I shouldn't be listening to the modern soft rock station...)
Wednesday, November 6
I just had the best rehearsal today. I get be sung/yelled at two inches from my face by a baritone with a very large voice. And I get to faint, and my hand gets kissed as my (ersatz) philandering husband begs my forgiveness for accusing me of being unfaithful. So fun! Our staging rehearsal was awesome...It's so cool. I wish you all could see it. It makes me feel like a successful person to be able to do this. Mark is actually coming up next Wednesday afternoon for the performance. I'm mostly excited, not nervous yet.
So the elections were kind of shitty, huh? Elizabeth Dole won. Oh, who cares about senators, anyway? I just don't want our (ersatz) President to get the fast-track now that he's got both Houses. Maybe he'll choke on another pretzel...
Have to go to rehearsal.....
Current music: "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"--The Police
So the elections were kind of shitty, huh? Elizabeth Dole won. Oh, who cares about senators, anyway? I just don't want our (ersatz) President to get the fast-track now that he's got both Houses. Maybe he'll choke on another pretzel...
Have to go to rehearsal.....
Current music: "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"--The Police
Tuesday, November 5
A stream-of-consciousness entry...
Today is Election Day! That means Mark works a 16-hour day. If I call him at 11pm he'll still be waiting for the results to come back in Wilmington. It's pouring outside. I had to come back to campus to go to somebody's senior recital. She's doing Sondheim. {snore} My rehearsal went well yesterday, but I get nervous about staging. I have almost no experience with it. And I get to faint onstage, and have somebody smother my hand with kisses, and all sorts of important dramatic situations. Meanwhile I'm still trying not to confuse upstage and downstage. I mean, yeah, I remember the Globe Theater and all that, but it's harder to apply when you're actually doing it. Plus I kept forgetting my text--granted, there's a lot of it, but I really need to get that stuff down! Tomorrow's the hard scene (dramatically), actually: the Count and I argue about who I have hidden in my closet, he accuses me of being unfaithful to him and says I'm dead to him or something, etc. It's all very fun stuff, but I'm just nervous about (what else?) looking stupid. But my professor wouldn't want me to look stupid. I guess it's better to get that all out of the way in rehearsal, then. I need to practice...I haven't practiced in a week, since last Wednesday was when I had that bad reflux stuff. My teacher pretty much confirmed my self-diagnosis on Monday, and said that while she could definitely hear a bit of extra noise (which means my cords are swollen), it wasn't all that bad. And I knew for myself that it was much better than last week. Plus, when my technique is good you don't notice a problem. Basically my attacks are all screwed up, though. (But they were never very good...) In my meeting at the counseling center Monday, we basically confirmed that I hate hate HATE to be living alone--that's why I'm binging and stuff. And we decided that I need to have things planned to do when I'm home that are inconsistent with eating--like pedicures and crochet. (Guess what you all are getting for Christmas! "Again?!") And next year I definitely need to arrange to live with somebody. Well, I'm going to go socialize (a good thing for me!) and memorize some da Ponte...
Current music: "Here Comes the Rain Again"--The Eurhythmics (is that the name of that song?)
Today is Election Day! That means Mark works a 16-hour day. If I call him at 11pm he'll still be waiting for the results to come back in Wilmington. It's pouring outside. I had to come back to campus to go to somebody's senior recital. She's doing Sondheim. {snore} My rehearsal went well yesterday, but I get nervous about staging. I have almost no experience with it. And I get to faint onstage, and have somebody smother my hand with kisses, and all sorts of important dramatic situations. Meanwhile I'm still trying not to confuse upstage and downstage. I mean, yeah, I remember the Globe Theater and all that, but it's harder to apply when you're actually doing it. Plus I kept forgetting my text--granted, there's a lot of it, but I really need to get that stuff down! Tomorrow's the hard scene (dramatically), actually: the Count and I argue about who I have hidden in my closet, he accuses me of being unfaithful to him and says I'm dead to him or something, etc. It's all very fun stuff, but I'm just nervous about (what else?) looking stupid. But my professor wouldn't want me to look stupid. I guess it's better to get that all out of the way in rehearsal, then. I need to practice...I haven't practiced in a week, since last Wednesday was when I had that bad reflux stuff. My teacher pretty much confirmed my self-diagnosis on Monday, and said that while she could definitely hear a bit of extra noise (which means my cords are swollen), it wasn't all that bad. And I knew for myself that it was much better than last week. Plus, when my technique is good you don't notice a problem. Basically my attacks are all screwed up, though. (But they were never very good...) In my meeting at the counseling center Monday, we basically confirmed that I hate hate HATE to be living alone--that's why I'm binging and stuff. And we decided that I need to have things planned to do when I'm home that are inconsistent with eating--like pedicures and crochet. (Guess what you all are getting for Christmas! "Again?!") And next year I definitely need to arrange to live with somebody. Well, I'm going to go socialize (a good thing for me!) and memorize some da Ponte...
Current music: "Here Comes the Rain Again"--The Eurhythmics (is that the name of that song?)
Monday, November 4
The cast lists for the spring operas were posted Friday evening. I will be in the ensemble for Nicolai's The Merry Wives of Windsor. It was what I was expecting--as I've mentioned, I wasn't expecting a lead role in anything, and really want to work on technical stuff before I have some big part and ruin my voice. So I was generally just "happy to be nominated". Genuinely. I mean, if I did score some big part, I would have been happy--but extremely surprised. But there are people who are not so easygoing as myself about it. There are three people in particular--one of which has threatened to transfer, apparently--who believe they have been done a great disservice. I've been trying really hard not to get involved in the Politics (with a capital P) that inevitably go on in every college department and every office in the country--but it's difficult to escape its effects. Everybody has an opinion, and I'm just trying to stay out of it. I know I'll have a good time in the ensemble--I may even get to be anthropomorphic, which has always been my dream--and there will probably be chances for solos or something. Either way. I will admit, though, that part of the reason I'm cool about this is that I'm biding my time. Just wait 'till next year! I will blow you all away!! I will kick vocal ass, and you will have no choice but to select an opera on my whims. :)
In other news: This weekend Mark and I saw The Comedian, that documentary that follows around Jerry Seinfeld. I thought it was really interesting--it gives insight into what makes a stand-up comedian tick. I was able to make comparisons between comedians and singers. And it was funny, of course. I still haven't seen The Ring, but maybe next weekend. Oh, and this afternoon at 3pm I am going over to the counseling center for my second meeting. I hope we'll be able to make some determination of what combination of therapy/meds/frontal lobotomy I really need. All I know is, something isn't right. I don't feel normal. There's nothing normal about consuming mass quantities of candy when you are not hungry. I just let it out on the phone with Mark on Thursday night (after my little crying jag in Op Shop)--and while that helped short-term, it doesn't make this go away.
Oh--and speaking of the crying, people keep coming up to me and asking if I'm doing okay. Yes, damn it! (As far as they're concerned, anyway.) I don't think I look like there's anything wrong on a regular basis (i.e. when I'm not losing it in the middle of an aria). Maybe they're just being nice. I bet I would probably do the same thing, were it someone else. But it's still weird. Maybe because what I really want to say is, "No, I am not okay, but what the hell can you do about it?" I guess I have a lot to talk about this afternoon...
Current music: "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" (the Aretha Franklin version)
In other news: This weekend Mark and I saw The Comedian, that documentary that follows around Jerry Seinfeld. I thought it was really interesting--it gives insight into what makes a stand-up comedian tick. I was able to make comparisons between comedians and singers. And it was funny, of course. I still haven't seen The Ring, but maybe next weekend. Oh, and this afternoon at 3pm I am going over to the counseling center for my second meeting. I hope we'll be able to make some determination of what combination of therapy/meds/frontal lobotomy I really need. All I know is, something isn't right. I don't feel normal. There's nothing normal about consuming mass quantities of candy when you are not hungry. I just let it out on the phone with Mark on Thursday night (after my little crying jag in Op Shop)--and while that helped short-term, it doesn't make this go away.
Oh--and speaking of the crying, people keep coming up to me and asking if I'm doing okay. Yes, damn it! (As far as they're concerned, anyway.) I don't think I look like there's anything wrong on a regular basis (i.e. when I'm not losing it in the middle of an aria). Maybe they're just being nice. I bet I would probably do the same thing, were it someone else. But it's still weird. Maybe because what I really want to say is, "No, I am not okay, but what the hell can you do about it?" I guess I have a lot to talk about this afternoon...
Current music: "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" (the Aretha Franklin version)
Friday, November 1
I don't have much time, but...
The Friday Five
1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?
~I was sort of raised Roman Catholic, but we didn't go to church very often. I ended up being Confirmed my junior year of college (and I was hung over at the time...ah, Crosby parties...).
2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?
~Yes. Catholicism is almost a cultural thing for me, as much as a spiritual thing. There are some minutiae which I don't necessarily agree with, but they are things that the heteropatriarchal Church leaders imposed on Catholicism, not edicts from God's mouth. Like obviously I have no problem with homosexuality, and I don't think God does, either.
3. What do you think happens after death?
~I think there's another plane of existence of which we are unaware. We call it Heaven, I guess. I don't think it's as concrete as it's usually depicted...there are ways of experiencing that living beings have no way of understanding...
4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?
~Weddings are always fun. And a good old High Mass (with the chanting and stuff) is really grounding and spiritually satisfying for me.
5. Do you believe people are basically good?
~Yes. I definitely believe in evil, but I don't know where it comes from. I don't really think that Satan exists--not the way we usually conceive of it--but maybe we just need some darkness in the world for there to be light.
The Friday Five
1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?
~I was sort of raised Roman Catholic, but we didn't go to church very often. I ended up being Confirmed my junior year of college (and I was hung over at the time...ah, Crosby parties...).
2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?
~Yes. Catholicism is almost a cultural thing for me, as much as a spiritual thing. There are some minutiae which I don't necessarily agree with, but they are things that the heteropatriarchal Church leaders imposed on Catholicism, not edicts from God's mouth. Like obviously I have no problem with homosexuality, and I don't think God does, either.
3. What do you think happens after death?
~I think there's another plane of existence of which we are unaware. We call it Heaven, I guess. I don't think it's as concrete as it's usually depicted...there are ways of experiencing that living beings have no way of understanding...
4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?
~Weddings are always fun. And a good old High Mass (with the chanting and stuff) is really grounding and spiritually satisfying for me.
5. Do you believe people are basically good?
~Yes. I definitely believe in evil, but I don't know where it comes from. I don't really think that Satan exists--not the way we usually conceive of it--but maybe we just need some darkness in the world for there to be light.
Thursday, October 31
I don't know how I feel right now...
My professor made me cry in class today. But it wasn't his fault! I was working on my aria again, and he made a Method-style suggestion to me--he asked me to think of a time when I was in complete agony. And he whispered it. And it was already too late--I was already well on my way to weeping. I tried to calm myself down before I started singing again, but it didn't work. So I figured I might as well start. Well, that just made it worse. I continued after the "agony" phrases, but I couldn't shake it, and my larynx started going up anyway, so I just stopped singing, apologizing and intending to continue in a minute. But I was a wreck! And I didn't even have a chance to think of being in agony--I just started to choke up. It was kind of embarrassing. My professor apologized, but I told him that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault, that I would go back up in a second. But it was apparent that I would not be able to continue. I didn't really cry in the room, but I ended up having to step out of class for a few minutes to let some of it out and calm down. I guess it was residual from yesterday (and last night on the phone with Mark--I don't know why I have such a problem with people telling me I'm wonderful). But I don't want people to think I'm crazy! I don't want to be like that girl Christy on The Bachelor, famous for weeping on national television two weeks in a row and telling Aaron, "I just want you to know that I'm not a basketcase!" through her sobs... (Ah, the irony!) Well, I guess some people would think it's great that I can cry on a whim. But I couldn't control it... I just feel a little exposed, you know? And nobody looks pretty when they cry--red nose, red eyes, eyeshadow coming off, yuck. I'm still at a loss as to why I couldn't control my emotions. I know it has something to do with my professor...there's something very open and earnest about him, I think--like he's the kind of person that can read people's inner thoughts, or whatever...It scares me a little, I'll admit. Not that I'm scared of him--but perhaps of what he'd see if he read my mind...
Oh God, I don't even know what I'm talking about... "Mein armer Kopf ist mir verrueckt..." I'm just a mess right now. And I'm not even due for a hormonal week...and I'm certainly not PG or anything... Maybe I just need to relax this weekend and look at the autumn leaves or something. I'm wound up too tight these days...
Current music: that Enigma song with the chanting monks and the French stuff...
My professor made me cry in class today. But it wasn't his fault! I was working on my aria again, and he made a Method-style suggestion to me--he asked me to think of a time when I was in complete agony. And he whispered it. And it was already too late--I was already well on my way to weeping. I tried to calm myself down before I started singing again, but it didn't work. So I figured I might as well start. Well, that just made it worse. I continued after the "agony" phrases, but I couldn't shake it, and my larynx started going up anyway, so I just stopped singing, apologizing and intending to continue in a minute. But I was a wreck! And I didn't even have a chance to think of being in agony--I just started to choke up. It was kind of embarrassing. My professor apologized, but I told him that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault, that I would go back up in a second. But it was apparent that I would not be able to continue. I didn't really cry in the room, but I ended up having to step out of class for a few minutes to let some of it out and calm down. I guess it was residual from yesterday (and last night on the phone with Mark--I don't know why I have such a problem with people telling me I'm wonderful). But I don't want people to think I'm crazy! I don't want to be like that girl Christy on The Bachelor, famous for weeping on national television two weeks in a row and telling Aaron, "I just want you to know that I'm not a basketcase!" through her sobs... (Ah, the irony!) Well, I guess some people would think it's great that I can cry on a whim. But I couldn't control it... I just feel a little exposed, you know? And nobody looks pretty when they cry--red nose, red eyes, eyeshadow coming off, yuck. I'm still at a loss as to why I couldn't control my emotions. I know it has something to do with my professor...there's something very open and earnest about him, I think--like he's the kind of person that can read people's inner thoughts, or whatever...It scares me a little, I'll admit. Not that I'm scared of him--but perhaps of what he'd see if he read my mind...
Oh God, I don't even know what I'm talking about... "Mein armer Kopf ist mir verrueckt..." I'm just a mess right now. And I'm not even due for a hormonal week...and I'm certainly not PG or anything... Maybe I just need to relax this weekend and look at the autumn leaves or something. I'm wound up too tight these days...
Current music: that Enigma song with the chanting monks and the French stuff...
Wednesday, October 30
Y'all are loving me today, huh? Here's another long post: a questionnaire, courtesy of Erik:
1. What's the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? ~An archaeologist, particularly if that meant hanging out with Indiana Jones...
2. Describe a dream you remember. ~Once when I was about four I had a dream where both my mother and God (well, an Italian-looking Jesus, but I always remembered it as being God--I guess I was always a Trinitarian) got flushed down the toilet. This was very traumatic for me. Since adolescence, though, most of my dreams involve being on the run--usually with either nuclear fallout or fascists/Thought Police hot on my heels. Sometimes I'm alone, trying to find a friend who's also running, and sometimes I'm with my family. I've been on a bus a few times, too. Once I was in the back of a bus with Aaron Bowers and we were reading Jim Morrison poetry. (I think it was tenth grade...)
3. What book are you reading? ~None at the moment. I've been meaning to pick up the Harry Potter books, though, and also Black House. You know I love that Dark Tower stuff!!!
4. What colour are your sheets? ~"Dark Sand", I think, with a maroon duvet cover.
5. What song is in your head right now? ~"Galileo" by the Indigo Girls...
6. Waitaminnit... Where are you? ~the Music Library, computer carrel #5.
7. I am afraid of... ~Most Libertarians, Hitler, clowns, Charles Manson, people talking about me behind my back, enclosed spaces, bugs crawling on me, especially when I'm sleeping.
8. Your dream job: ~Professional opera singer--not necessarily famous, but able to do whatever I want. I'd like to have some voice students, and be able to spend lots of time with my family.
9. What movie have you seen the most times? ~The Breakfast Club.
10. One question for Jesus, Buddha, Lord Krishna or Muhammad, etc: ~What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?
11. The guilty pleasure you'd really rather not admit to here: ~naming my future children: Josephine (Josie) or Elizabeth (Betty) Marie Schreiner and/or Benjamin Andrew Schreiner. Or at least that's what I like right now.
12. Comfort food of choice: ~See previous entry. Nah, it's ice cream. Or Doritos.
13. What's the last video you rented? ~Legally Blonde, alone, because Mark didn't want to see it.
14. Who do people say you look like? ~Winona Ryder (once in an airport a woman swore I was her...), my grandmother and aunt, various people they know in other parts of the country (apparently I have lots of Doppelgaengers)
15. What's the bane of your existence? ~Bad drivers.
16. What's the last thing you found on the ground and picked up? ~A mechanical pencil. Finders keepers!
17. A writer worth reading: ~Angela Carter.
18. Where would you like to grow old? ~Someplace with four seasons (with emphasis on spring and autumn) where I can see my family and friends at regular intervals.
19. A word of wisdom: ~Your body knows what's good for it. (see below)
20. The question you get asked ALL THE TIME!!!: ~"So when are you two getting married?" (or maybe it just seems like it)
21. When was your last hospital visit? ~When I was three I needed stitches in my hand because I cut it on a piece of glass in a parking lot. At least I think that's what happened--I was too young to remember.
22. The last thing you said out loud: ~"Thank you." (I sneezed.)
23. Current clothing: ~Light blue hooded sweatshirt, pink/purple tie-dyed T-shirt, dark-rinse bootcut jeans, white socks, tan/navy men's sneakers (size 6).
24. Your favourite season? ~Spring, with autumn as a close second.
25. In my last lifetime I was probably: ~A flapper?
1. What's the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? ~An archaeologist, particularly if that meant hanging out with Indiana Jones...
2. Describe a dream you remember. ~Once when I was about four I had a dream where both my mother and God (well, an Italian-looking Jesus, but I always remembered it as being God--I guess I was always a Trinitarian) got flushed down the toilet. This was very traumatic for me. Since adolescence, though, most of my dreams involve being on the run--usually with either nuclear fallout or fascists/Thought Police hot on my heels. Sometimes I'm alone, trying to find a friend who's also running, and sometimes I'm with my family. I've been on a bus a few times, too. Once I was in the back of a bus with Aaron Bowers and we were reading Jim Morrison poetry. (I think it was tenth grade...)
3. What book are you reading? ~None at the moment. I've been meaning to pick up the Harry Potter books, though, and also Black House. You know I love that Dark Tower stuff!!!
4. What colour are your sheets? ~"Dark Sand", I think, with a maroon duvet cover.
5. What song is in your head right now? ~"Galileo" by the Indigo Girls...
6. Waitaminnit... Where are you? ~the Music Library, computer carrel #5.
7. I am afraid of... ~Most Libertarians, Hitler, clowns, Charles Manson, people talking about me behind my back, enclosed spaces, bugs crawling on me, especially when I'm sleeping.
8. Your dream job: ~Professional opera singer--not necessarily famous, but able to do whatever I want. I'd like to have some voice students, and be able to spend lots of time with my family.
9. What movie have you seen the most times? ~The Breakfast Club.
10. One question for Jesus, Buddha, Lord Krishna or Muhammad, etc: ~What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?
11. The guilty pleasure you'd really rather not admit to here: ~naming my future children: Josephine (Josie) or Elizabeth (Betty) Marie Schreiner and/or Benjamin Andrew Schreiner. Or at least that's what I like right now.
12. Comfort food of choice: ~See previous entry. Nah, it's ice cream. Or Doritos.
13. What's the last video you rented? ~Legally Blonde, alone, because Mark didn't want to see it.
14. Who do people say you look like? ~Winona Ryder (once in an airport a woman swore I was her...), my grandmother and aunt, various people they know in other parts of the country (apparently I have lots of Doppelgaengers)
15. What's the bane of your existence? ~Bad drivers.
16. What's the last thing you found on the ground and picked up? ~A mechanical pencil. Finders keepers!
17. A writer worth reading: ~Angela Carter.
18. Where would you like to grow old? ~Someplace with four seasons (with emphasis on spring and autumn) where I can see my family and friends at regular intervals.
19. A word of wisdom: ~Your body knows what's good for it. (see below)
20. The question you get asked ALL THE TIME!!!: ~"So when are you two getting married?" (or maybe it just seems like it)
21. When was your last hospital visit? ~When I was three I needed stitches in my hand because I cut it on a piece of glass in a parking lot. At least I think that's what happened--I was too young to remember.
22. The last thing you said out loud: ~"Thank you." (I sneezed.)
23. Current clothing: ~Light blue hooded sweatshirt, pink/purple tie-dyed T-shirt, dark-rinse bootcut jeans, white socks, tan/navy men's sneakers (size 6).
24. Your favourite season? ~Spring, with autumn as a close second.
25. In my last lifetime I was probably: ~A flapper?
I wrote this at about 2pm today:
I need to get this binge thing under control. It's starting to affect my singing. Last night I had a sort of mild binge--it could even be considered a junk food dinner--of 1/2 a bag of Doritos, 1/3 of a pint of ice cream (Super Fudge Chunk!), and 2 candy bars. And this morning I woke up hoarse again. I went to the health clinic, and the doctor said that there was basically nothing wrong with me--just a viral infection, maybe. She prescribed Allegra, which should get me through the worst of the sinus stuff. But my sinuses haven't been too bad--I've had a postnasal drip, I guess, but the main problem has been hoarseness in the morning and the evening. And since my voice teacher hasn't said anything to me about nodes--I was fine on Monday for my lesson--the problem is probably acid reflux. It does tend to appear with irritable bowel syndrome, so it's not surprising anyway, but diet can have a huge effect. Basically I shouldn't eat or drink (besides water) within three hours of lying down, and I need to stay away from acidic foods and drinks (coffee, tea, and juice are big ones). And my binges--well, they're always in the evening and they always give me indigestion. So I've been sabotaging myself, basically. This is like so reminiscient of my bulimia--the one thing that got me to stop was the knowledge that it would ruin my voice. Not only do I need to stop the binges, but I need to cut down on citrus and chocolate and salad dressing and tea (e.g. not have them after lunchtime)--if not eliminate them altogether. And bye-bye midnight pizza. (Like I ever really did that!) So what I need to do right now is buy some anti-reflux medication (the Tagamet I have doesn't appear to be working), drink a lot of milk (basic!), and quit the bingeing! You know, this is almost a relief, because now I know I'll stop doing it. God willing.
And the reason I've been here writing about this now [in a practice room] is because I just had a rehearsal (the Figaro scene) where my professor was very concerned about my voice, since I was hoarse. This totally broke my heart. I respect this man's opinion greatly, plus he reminds me of my 11th grade history teacher (Mr. Cartisano!), who always reminded me of my dad, so it really affected me. And the fact that I've been looking forward to working on this all semester, but am totally screwing it up with my asinine, self-destructive eating habits...well, I was close to losing it, right there in the rehearsal. After somehow convincing my professor that I was fine and in no pain, and probably just wasn't supporting right, we continued with the rehearsal. So afterwards I came in here [the practice room], got a little teary, then decided I needed to take some responsibility.
So anyway, I'm going to change my diet--and my eating, more importantly--and go into my lesson Monday and see if it worked. If so, I totally rock, and things are good. If not, I need to go to an ENT to see if I've really damaged my vocal folds. I know that my body is really smart, you know? When I'm doing something stupid (whether it's oversinging or overeating or working out without stretching first), it lets me know that my behavior is unacceptable. I need to learn to listen to it more...I need to try to find some peace, so that my IBS doesn't act up and my crazy brain doesn't tell me that bingeing will make me feel better, further screwing up my digestive system. I need to start caring less about what's on TV and more about the clean laundry currently sitting in a basket, silently wrinkling and waiting to be put away. I need to start on my Christmas crafts! I need to change my toenail polish. And I really need to balance my checkbook...
Current music: Scorpions, "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
I need to get this binge thing under control. It's starting to affect my singing. Last night I had a sort of mild binge--it could even be considered a junk food dinner--of 1/2 a bag of Doritos, 1/3 of a pint of ice cream (Super Fudge Chunk!), and 2 candy bars. And this morning I woke up hoarse again. I went to the health clinic, and the doctor said that there was basically nothing wrong with me--just a viral infection, maybe. She prescribed Allegra, which should get me through the worst of the sinus stuff. But my sinuses haven't been too bad--I've had a postnasal drip, I guess, but the main problem has been hoarseness in the morning and the evening. And since my voice teacher hasn't said anything to me about nodes--I was fine on Monday for my lesson--the problem is probably acid reflux. It does tend to appear with irritable bowel syndrome, so it's not surprising anyway, but diet can have a huge effect. Basically I shouldn't eat or drink (besides water) within three hours of lying down, and I need to stay away from acidic foods and drinks (coffee, tea, and juice are big ones). And my binges--well, they're always in the evening and they always give me indigestion. So I've been sabotaging myself, basically. This is like so reminiscient of my bulimia--the one thing that got me to stop was the knowledge that it would ruin my voice. Not only do I need to stop the binges, but I need to cut down on citrus and chocolate and salad dressing and tea (e.g. not have them after lunchtime)--if not eliminate them altogether. And bye-bye midnight pizza. (Like I ever really did that!) So what I need to do right now is buy some anti-reflux medication (the Tagamet I have doesn't appear to be working), drink a lot of milk (basic!), and quit the bingeing! You know, this is almost a relief, because now I know I'll stop doing it. God willing.
And the reason I've been here writing about this now [in a practice room] is because I just had a rehearsal (the Figaro scene) where my professor was very concerned about my voice, since I was hoarse. This totally broke my heart. I respect this man's opinion greatly, plus he reminds me of my 11th grade history teacher (Mr. Cartisano!), who always reminded me of my dad, so it really affected me. And the fact that I've been looking forward to working on this all semester, but am totally screwing it up with my asinine, self-destructive eating habits...well, I was close to losing it, right there in the rehearsal. After somehow convincing my professor that I was fine and in no pain, and probably just wasn't supporting right, we continued with the rehearsal. So afterwards I came in here [the practice room], got a little teary, then decided I needed to take some responsibility.
So anyway, I'm going to change my diet--and my eating, more importantly--and go into my lesson Monday and see if it worked. If so, I totally rock, and things are good. If not, I need to go to an ENT to see if I've really damaged my vocal folds. I know that my body is really smart, you know? When I'm doing something stupid (whether it's oversinging or overeating or working out without stretching first), it lets me know that my behavior is unacceptable. I need to learn to listen to it more...I need to try to find some peace, so that my IBS doesn't act up and my crazy brain doesn't tell me that bingeing will make me feel better, further screwing up my digestive system. I need to start caring less about what's on TV and more about the clean laundry currently sitting in a basket, silently wrinkling and waiting to be put away. I need to start on my Christmas crafts! I need to change my toenail polish. And I really need to balance my checkbook...
Current music: Scorpions, "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
Tuesday, October 29
Thanks for reminding me about Princess Leia, Erik! In 1996 some of us Gappers (me, Erik, Cheryl, Alyse, Christine...did I forget anybody?) went to this Halloween party at the Rat in downtown Binghamton. (Was it a Hillside event? I don't remember.) That was the first time I ever got drunk without a family member present! (February '94, with my aunt, Greenwich Village.) I dressed as Princess Leia a la Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope, for you newbie jerks)--I had the whole cinnamon-bun hairstyle, and I wore a white turtleneck and a white sheet as a skirt. Over the course of the night, two or three (drunk) guys asked me where my gold bikini was. (Return of the Jedi, duh!). Instead of taking that as a come-on, I just assumed that they were dorks. Which they probably were, but in any case, I had a good time. The floor was really sticky, I remember.
And speaking of Halloween '96...that was when I went to Rocky Horror with Christine and Shannon to see Jord and Dave. Wow, that was a long time ago... Shannon and I went in customary bra/half-slip attire, while Christine favored her "demented Harlequin" ensemble. Dave tried to put his Frank N. Furter boa down the front of Shannon's and my bras. But the highlight of the evening--in retrospect--was the Minucci appearance. Christine was looking around the theater during the pre-film proceedings and said, "Oh, there's my friend Dan--he's dressed as a cowboy." I turned around and said, "Ooh, a cowboy..." And thus my obsession began. Wow. I am laughing so hard inside my head right now.
Anyway, back to the present... Today I sang in a mock audition in my opera workshop. We didn't get to finish, so I get to sing again on Thursday. I guess that's a good thing... Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to the student health center so they can take a look at my throat. I can sing okay, but it still hurts a bit when I stick out my tongue, and I get vocally tired easily. I just want to make sure I don't have some sort of bacterial infection--I mean, strep can even go to your brain and you can die! I guess I'm just trying to play it safe. This is my career I'm talking about!
Okay, have to pee...
Current music: "I Want Your Sex"--George Michael
(Okay, there's a reason for that...One of the other arias we heard in class today featured the line, "I love your sex" in Italian. Of course that meant "gender" (women, specifically), and referred to love in the emotional sense, but the whole class cracked up. That was funny. I guess we singers are just big ol' nerds...)
And speaking of Halloween '96...that was when I went to Rocky Horror with Christine and Shannon to see Jord and Dave. Wow, that was a long time ago... Shannon and I went in customary bra/half-slip attire, while Christine favored her "demented Harlequin" ensemble.
Anyway, back to the present... Today I sang in a mock audition in my opera workshop. We didn't get to finish, so I get to sing again on Thursday. I guess that's a good thing... Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to the student health center so they can take a look at my throat. I can sing okay, but it still hurts a bit when I stick out my tongue, and I get vocally tired easily. I just want to make sure I don't have some sort of bacterial infection--I mean, strep can even go to your brain and you can die! I guess I'm just trying to play it safe. This is my career I'm talking about!
Okay, have to pee...
Current music: "I Want Your Sex"--George Michael
(Okay, there's a reason for that...One of the other arias we heard in class today featured the line, "I love your sex" in Italian. Of course that meant "gender" (women, specifically), and referred to love in the emotional sense, but the whole class cracked up. That was funny. I guess we singers are just big ol' nerds...)
Monday, October 28
Coda: I would like to add something to my daily (ha!) posts... My friends on LiveJournal have an option where they can list their "current mood" and "current music". While my mood is generally apparent from my posts, I would like to note whatever song is running through my head at the bottom of my posts. (Since I go online in the library, I don't usually have background music.) Anyway, here goes.............
Current music: "Wann kommst Du, mein Heil?", from the Wachet auf cantata (Bach)
(I don't know where this came from...)
Current music: "Wann kommst Du, mein Heil?", from the Wachet auf cantata (Bach)
(I don't know where this came from...)
Well, I spent fifteen minutes doing this earlier, but for some reason it didn't post. I have no idea why. Anyway, here I go again...
The Friday Five (on Monday)
1. What is your favorite scary movie?
Kubrick's The Shining. I also like The Sixth Sense and Jacob's Ladder (though I don't know if that one counts). The movies I think are scariest are IT (I know this was a TV movie, but it's terrifying) and anything with Freddy Krueger in it.
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Candy corn in a pinch, but anything chocolate and/or peanut butter. Except those fake M&Ms. Gross!
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
I usually do something (even if it's just dressing irregularly). My most famous costume (probably because I talked about it the most before and after) was the Disheveled Catholic School Girl of 1998. I was at my most svelte at the time (ah, the Baby Tee years...) and was truly enthusiastic about my very, very short pleated plaid skirt from Rave. And the costume is rather well documented in pictures from Helen's famous Halloween party. I got very drunk and proceeded to lay on the carpet for several minutes just because "it's comfortable here". If you look at the pictures you can follow the chronology judging by my state of inebriation. Those were carefree days...
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
I used to, but now I have too many nightmares.
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
I don't know yet, but if I do it will be as Liu from Puccini's Turandot--I bought a kimono at a thrift store last month (tags still on!), so all I need is heavy makeup and a dagger...
Anyway...I had a good long weekend. Thursday I went to Raleigh and had dinner with some reporters, and Friday we went into Wilmington and I went to the wedding rehearsal. The wedding Saturday was really beautiful--Amanda and Darrell wrote their own vows and did their own readings, and there were few dry eyes in the church. We had fun at the reception, but a bunch of people were asking Mark and I when we were going to get married, which made us both kind of uncomfortable. As y'all know, we have discussed marriage, and we will eventually do so, but right now we're in different cities and different parts of our career, so it's just not practical. Plus it would be logistically complicated even if we were living in the same city. So anyway, that was kind of weird. I appreciate any thoughts on this... I mean, I know that it's just customary for people to ask that--and once we're married, they'll start in on, "So when are you going to start a family?" and stuff. It never ends! But it still made me uncomfortable...
The Friday Five (on Monday)
1. What is your favorite scary movie?
Kubrick's The Shining. I also like The Sixth Sense and Jacob's Ladder (though I don't know if that one counts). The movies I think are scariest are IT (I know this was a TV movie, but it's terrifying) and anything with Freddy Krueger in it.
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Candy corn in a pinch, but anything chocolate and/or peanut butter. Except those fake M&Ms. Gross!
3. Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.
I usually do something (even if it's just dressing irregularly). My most famous costume (probably because I talked about it the most before and after) was the Disheveled Catholic School Girl of 1998. I was at my most svelte at the time (ah, the Baby Tee years...) and was truly enthusiastic about my very, very short pleated plaid skirt from Rave. And the costume is rather well documented in pictures from Helen's famous Halloween party. I got very drunk and proceeded to lay on the carpet for several minutes just because "it's comfortable here". If you look at the pictures you can follow the chronology judging by my state of inebriation. Those were carefree days...
4. Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?
I used to, but now I have too many nightmares.
5. Will you dress up for Halloween this year?
I don't know yet, but if I do it will be as Liu from Puccini's Turandot--I bought a kimono at a thrift store last month (tags still on!), so all I need is heavy makeup and a dagger...
Anyway...I had a good long weekend. Thursday I went to Raleigh and had dinner with some reporters, and Friday we went into Wilmington and I went to the wedding rehearsal. The wedding Saturday was really beautiful--Amanda and Darrell wrote their own vows and did their own readings, and there were few dry eyes in the church. We had fun at the reception, but a bunch of people were asking Mark and I when we were going to get married, which made us both kind of uncomfortable. As y'all know, we have discussed marriage, and we will eventually do so, but right now we're in different cities and different parts of our career, so it's just not practical. Plus it would be logistically complicated even if we were living in the same city. So anyway, that was kind of weird. I appreciate any thoughts on this... I mean, I know that it's just customary for people to ask that--and once we're married, they'll start in on, "So when are you going to start a family?" and stuff. It never ends! But it still made me uncomfortable...
Wednesday, October 23
Well, now I'm on Vocal Rest. It's my own damn fault, really. I was feeling a bit better yesterday, so I thought I would go over some of my scene (mostly from memory!) and some new Brahms lieder--and it was too much, too soon. I knew when I left campus yesterday that I had overdone it, and today I sound crappy. So no unnecessary talking today or tomorrow, and we'll see how I am on Friday. Friday is the wedding rehearsal! And Saturday is the wedding! I don't want to screw up Amanda's wedding, just because I felt like testing my voice. Plus I want to be able to have fun, but I'll feel nervous about using my voice. And forget about drinking--other than toasts, I am sticking with water and juice and herbal tea. Boring...
And Monday is the first day my scene will be rehearsing. I'm excited, but a little worried. Besides my vocal problems, it appears that I'm the only person who's really spent any time with this music--everyone else has been busy doing other things. So it's going to be slow going. Plus my romantic partner in the scenes apparently has trouble memorizing music, and got into a big fight with our professor last night (about his being overextended...). I'm going to try to let it all roll off my back. This is what I came here to do, right? And while it sucks that other people aren't able to take this as seriously as I do, at least I can give this my best and know that people will be entertained. I've got three weeks of hard work in front of me...
Oh, and I just found out that I have to sing an audition aria in class on Tuesday. I never get a break, do I? Welcome to grad school...
In other news...I had a dream about Helen the other night. We were together in Greensboro, and we were outside a pizza place (which doesn't exist, I don't think), when she said she was very thirsty. So I went inside to get her a ginger ale. It was like 95 degrees outside, and she was very pregnant and only wearing a big, tent-like tanktop and panties (?), yet she did not want to go inside the dark, air-conditioned pizza place. I had to wait a while for the soda, and while I was there I ran into this guy I used to work with at IKA. We were catching up (and talking about where we get our hair cut, actually) when I noticed that Helen wasn't doing so well outside--she was sweating profusely, and wiping her forehead with the hem of her tanktop. But she wasn't wearing anything underneath, so it was just her pregnant goodies out there for the world to see. I was horrified and wanted to go outside to stop her, but then they told me the soda was ready. Then I woke up. Is this weird or what??
And Monday is the first day my scene will be rehearsing. I'm excited, but a little worried. Besides my vocal problems, it appears that I'm the only person who's really spent any time with this music--everyone else has been busy doing other things. So it's going to be slow going. Plus my romantic partner in the scenes apparently has trouble memorizing music, and got into a big fight with our professor last night (about his being overextended...). I'm going to try to let it all roll off my back. This is what I came here to do, right? And while it sucks that other people aren't able to take this as seriously as I do, at least I can give this my best and know that people will be entertained. I've got three weeks of hard work in front of me...
Oh, and I just found out that I have to sing an audition aria in class on Tuesday. I never get a break, do I? Welcome to grad school...
In other news...I had a dream about Helen the other night. We were together in Greensboro, and we were outside a pizza place (which doesn't exist, I don't think), when she said she was very thirsty. So I went inside to get her a ginger ale. It was like 95 degrees outside, and she was very pregnant and only wearing a big, tent-like tanktop and panties (?), yet she did not want to go inside the dark, air-conditioned pizza place. I had to wait a while for the soda, and while I was there I ran into this guy I used to work with at IKA. We were catching up (and talking about where we get our hair cut, actually) when I noticed that Helen wasn't doing so well outside--she was sweating profusely, and wiping her forehead with the hem of her tanktop. But she wasn't wearing anything underneath, so it was just her pregnant goodies out there for the world to see. I was horrified and wanted to go outside to stop her, but then they told me the soda was ready. Then I woke up. Is this weird or what??
Monday, October 21
I just lost like ten minutes' worth of blog because my screen froze. I am soooo mad at computers. And I don't feel like typing all that again, so I'll sum up. New job is good, I was busy. Saturday my dad came to see my concert. Mark and I went to Carrabba's and I drank too much. Sunday we went to a football party in Winston-Salem. The Jets won! I pulled a muscle in my back Saturday morning and can't untie my shoes. Thursday I am going to Raleigh and Mark and I are going to the state fair. Fun! Then we're headed to Wilmington for Amanda's wedding. I hope I can sing better by then--I'm not doing so well today. Later...
p.s. I know, my archives aren't coming up. I have to e-mail Greg--or if you're reading this, help!!
p.s. I know, my archives aren't coming up. I have to e-mail Greg--or if you're reading this, help!!
Thursday, October 17
I know it's been a week--but I had Fall Break, and yesterday I was really busy. Today, on the other hand, I have gobs of free time, so here goes. I had a pretty good Fall Break, but it's overshadowed in my head by the fact that I was inexplicably really moody and cranky with Mark (who does not deserve to be kicked just because he wants to watch ANOTHER WW2 movie when that Canadian sex talk show is on). Just yesterday I realized that it was PMS. See? Not anybody's fault! (Though Mark knows better than to watch The Longest Day in my presence. Zzzzz....) Anyway, to sum up the weekend:
Friday: Had sex (I decided that there can't be anything wrong with us, if it's still this wonderful!), had an early dinner (Hard Times Cafe--good chili!). I think we just went home after that.
Saturday: Mark was speaking at this conference in the morning, so I slept in and then dropped off some things at Goodwill. For dinner we went to an okay family-style Italian restaurant/sports bar (okay, i.e. they had neither tortellini nor chicken marsala, both of which I was totally craving), then we went to see Secretary, which I completely recommend. Even Mark liked it...
Sunday: Lunch at Panera Bread Co., sheets/pillows purchases at Bed Bath & Beyond, tuna steaks for dinner at home, bonus Trading Spaces at night!
Monday: Mark ran errands, I slept in. Turkey sandwich/Caesar Salad for lunch. Mark worked in the afternoon, I went to Wal-Mart and the big mall. I think The Body Shop is my new obsession. I should not be allowed in there. But I balanced that purchase with $7 shoes from Payless! In the evening I made brownies and was totally bitchy to Mark. I'm sorry, boo...
Tuesday: Slept in, went to Boston Market for lunch, packed and left. But I'll see him again tomorrow night. Yay!
Thus concludes my Fall Break-in-a-Nutshell. So what else is up? Well, I finally have a job! It's the last one I interviewed at last week; I'll be typing meeting minutes, working on contracts, and answering phones at a small satellite office for a big construction contractor based out of Charlotte. (They do office parks and resorts and stuff.) I start tomorrow, and will be working Tuesday and Thursday mornings and Friday afternoons--which is all basically time I waste anyway by sleeping in and/or screwing around. The pay is really good, and the hours aren't overwhelming. I'm glad I'll finally be depositing money into my bank account, instead of just withdrawing. Oh, and my church job started yesterday evening. The rehearsal went well--I have an ugly, red, three-sizes-too-big choir robe to replace the ugly, black, two-sizes-too-small choir robe I had at St. James in Wilmington, and the people seem nice. And it's $40 a week, so I can't complain.
I also had my audition for the spring operas yesterday evening. I think it went pretty well--that is, I think it was an accurate representation of where I am vocally and technically right now (though I need to work on the acting! I guess I was too busy concentrating on technique). I don't know if that will get me anything, but it was a positive experience nevertheless. The second opera hasn't been announced yet (it goes up the weekend of my birthday), but the first one will be The Pirates of Penzance, a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. Fun music, fun story, but not anything in which I could ever have a lead role! The two female principals are an alto (not even a mezzo!) and a very light soprano (which I am not). So if I'm lucky I'll get to be one of the light soprano's sisters (she has eight or nine). Anyway, the casts won't be posted for another week, and I'm not worried about anything. My main goals for the audition were to show that I have potential and not to embarrass myself. And both of those were accomplished. --A funny thing happened, though. The woman with the slot before me--who is a second-year grad student, a few years older than me, and very nice--had the same two pieces that I did! When I first heard her from backstage, I laughed to myself. When I walked out with my audition sheet and resume, I told the professor that he was in for a laugh. Then he had me sing the exact same things that he'd had her sing. It was just kind of funny. I mean, we are currently the same voice type--though mine is larger and a bit darker, so I guess it's going in a different direction--but the chances of the two of us having the exact same arias! Granted, they are standard pieces, but it was still really odd...
Friday: Had sex (I decided that there can't be anything wrong with us, if it's still this wonderful!), had an early dinner (Hard Times Cafe--good chili!). I think we just went home after that.
Saturday: Mark was speaking at this conference in the morning, so I slept in and then dropped off some things at Goodwill. For dinner we went to an okay family-style Italian restaurant/sports bar (okay, i.e. they had neither tortellini nor chicken marsala, both of which I was totally craving), then we went to see Secretary, which I completely recommend. Even Mark liked it...
Sunday: Lunch at Panera Bread Co., sheets/pillows purchases at Bed Bath & Beyond, tuna steaks for dinner at home, bonus Trading Spaces at night!
Monday: Mark ran errands, I slept in. Turkey sandwich/Caesar Salad for lunch. Mark worked in the afternoon, I went to Wal-Mart and the big mall. I think The Body Shop is my new obsession. I should not be allowed in there. But I balanced that purchase with $7 shoes from Payless! In the evening I made brownies and was totally bitchy to Mark. I'm sorry, boo...
Tuesday: Slept in, went to Boston Market for lunch, packed and left. But I'll see him again tomorrow night. Yay!
Thus concludes my Fall Break-in-a-Nutshell. So what else is up? Well, I finally have a job! It's the last one I interviewed at last week; I'll be typing meeting minutes, working on contracts, and answering phones at a small satellite office for a big construction contractor based out of Charlotte. (They do office parks and resorts and stuff.) I start tomorrow, and will be working Tuesday and Thursday mornings and Friday afternoons--which is all basically time I waste anyway by sleeping in and/or screwing around. The pay is really good, and the hours aren't overwhelming. I'm glad I'll finally be depositing money into my bank account, instead of just withdrawing. Oh, and my church job started yesterday evening. The rehearsal went well--I have an ugly, red, three-sizes-too-big choir robe to replace the ugly, black, two-sizes-too-small choir robe I had at St. James in Wilmington, and the people seem nice. And it's $40 a week, so I can't complain.
I also had my audition for the spring operas yesterday evening. I think it went pretty well--that is, I think it was an accurate representation of where I am vocally and technically right now (though I need to work on the acting! I guess I was too busy concentrating on technique). I don't know if that will get me anything, but it was a positive experience nevertheless. The second opera hasn't been announced yet (it goes up the weekend of my birthday), but the first one will be The Pirates of Penzance, a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. Fun music, fun story, but not anything in which I could ever have a lead role! The two female principals are an alto (not even a mezzo!) and a very light soprano (which I am not). So if I'm lucky I'll get to be one of the light soprano's sisters (she has eight or nine). Anyway, the casts won't be posted for another week, and I'm not worried about anything. My main goals for the audition were to show that I have potential and not to embarrass myself. And both of those were accomplished. --A funny thing happened, though. The woman with the slot before me--who is a second-year grad student, a few years older than me, and very nice--had the same two pieces that I did! When I first heard her from backstage, I laughed to myself. When I walked out with my audition sheet and resume, I told the professor that he was in for a laugh. Then he had me sing the exact same things that he'd had her sing. It was just kind of funny. I mean, we are currently the same voice type--though mine is larger and a bit darker, so I guess it's going in a different direction--but the chances of the two of us having the exact same arias! Granted, they are standard pieces, but it was still really odd...
Thursday, October 10
Here I am. I'm doing better but am very tired--I can't seem to get enough sleep these days... Tomorrow my Fall Break starts...I plan to be in Raleigh by 1pm tomorrow, at which point I will alternately freak my boyfriend and demand he take me out to lunch. (Which comes first? Depends on how hungry I am...) :) And before you go on thinking I'm some sort of nymphomaniac--hey, didn't I used to be? What happened?--I'll remind you that I haven't seen him in almost two weeks, and that we don't even have sex all that often anymore. "It's not you, it's me." It's just harder for me to get in the mood these days, whether it's because of stress or for some anatomical reasons (which I don't need to spell out for you). I mean, I still love being with him, and when we are intimate it's awesome, but...I don't know. Either I'm turning into a "sexual camel" like George Costanza, or there's something more to this... But the experience hasn't been affected, just the frequency. I guess it's something to mention to that counselor next Thursday (oh yeah, I was able to make an appointment)--I know that lack of sex drive can be symptomatic of certain things. But I'm not sure that's the problem. I guess I've just been more interested in cuddling for the last six months or so. I will say, though, that it doesn't seem too "normal" to me that a young, unmarried couple would only have sex about twice a month. Especially given my past randyness. (Did I just use that word?) And Mark, the dear that he is, usually waits for me to suggest it. Well, I used to suggest it a lot more often. Like ten times more often. Oh, maybe we're just starting to act like a married couple or something...but I do still think about it and wonder what the deal is.
Well, sorry for the details...But anyway, things are doing alright. I've had three job interviews this week (one of which was a waste of time--my hours didn't match up), and two of them seemed promising. I've never had a knack for determining a "good interview"--only whether the interviewer and I got along--so I really don't know much about how they went. And I've spoken to the organist at that church--I'll be singing with them next week, just to see if I like it/them, and other than that it's a done deal. Money is good. I've been starting to think about next summer--where I'll be living, what I'll be doing--and I'd really like to participate in a summer program, but I'm not sure if I'll be prepared by audition time (a few months away). Maybe I could just live with Mark and be his personal assistant. He wouldn't even need to pay me--just room and board and gas money. No, actually, I would want a little cash. But I'm really good at typing and filing and spreadsheets and stuff--I could even pay his bills for him. But I doubt this will happen. I'll e-mail Nancy (my voice teacher in Wilmington) and see if she can suggest anything. I know she sings at the Oregon Bach Festival every summer--but that's not my Fach, so forget that. Well, she may have some ideas, in any case. Other than that--well, I've been working on decorating my apartment. I had been planning to have a mini-party tonight, but it wasn't going to work out (and besides, I need to pack and go to bed early)--I'll probably do something next Saturday night so Mark can help me. And as far as the food thing goes--it's been several days since I've had a problem. I've been eating breakfast (and fruit) again, and I think I've been a lot calmer about things this week. Things are looking up.
I don't know what we're going to do this weekend (though I think Mark wants to go for a long walk somewhere), but I have to go get my dress altered for the wedding in two weeks. (Exciting!)
Well, sorry for the details...But anyway, things are doing alright. I've had three job interviews this week (one of which was a waste of time--my hours didn't match up), and two of them seemed promising. I've never had a knack for determining a "good interview"--only whether the interviewer and I got along--so I really don't know much about how they went. And I've spoken to the organist at that church--I'll be singing with them next week, just to see if I like it/them, and other than that it's a done deal. Money is good. I've been starting to think about next summer--where I'll be living, what I'll be doing--and I'd really like to participate in a summer program, but I'm not sure if I'll be prepared by audition time (a few months away). Maybe I could just live with Mark and be his personal assistant. He wouldn't even need to pay me--just room and board and gas money. No, actually, I would want a little cash. But I'm really good at typing and filing and spreadsheets and stuff--I could even pay his bills for him. But I doubt this will happen. I'll e-mail Nancy (my voice teacher in Wilmington) and see if she can suggest anything. I know she sings at the Oregon Bach Festival every summer--but that's not my Fach, so forget that. Well, she may have some ideas, in any case. Other than that--well, I've been working on decorating my apartment. I had been planning to have a mini-party tonight, but it wasn't going to work out (and besides, I need to pack and go to bed early)--I'll probably do something next Saturday night so Mark can help me. And as far as the food thing goes--it's been several days since I've had a problem. I've been eating breakfast (and fruit) again, and I think I've been a lot calmer about things this week. Things are looking up.
I don't know what we're going to do this weekend (though I think Mark wants to go for a long walk somewhere), but I have to go get my dress altered for the wedding in two weeks. (Exciting!)
Wednesday, October 9
Tuesday, October 8
Saturday, October 5
I'm currently in Wilmington--I drove down for the weekend to get together with the organist for my friend Amanda's wedding (on the 26th) and to pick up some winter clothes (ha! it's ninety degrees today! and that, Alanis, is irony). Since my parents have RoadRunner, I am free to type to my heart's content while still in pajamas. Anyway, I wanted to let y'all know that things are a little better than they were the other day--partly because I've addressed two of the problems listed previously. On the job front: I think I may actually have a church job lined up! It's another Episcopal church, so I know the music and the liturgy, and I'll make $40 a week for about two-and-a-half hours of work. It sounds lovely--though it does cramp my weekend style (unless I want to drive back and forth to Raleigh twice in a weekend, it'll cut down on my time with Mark--but I really do need the money). And I've just sent out a few more resumes for part-time jobs, and have two calls to return. Again, I don't know if my hours work with theirs, but it's worth a shot. Also, I had a meeting with my voice teacher on Friday--apparently she thinks I'm doing well, and am just in an adjustment period. I'm still frustrated, but sitting down with her outside of a lesson helped me figure out exactly what I need to be doing. I just really want to get through this period to a place where I can finally start worrying about repertoire and subtleties and not just technique.
But the eating thing is definitely not better. I didn't call the counseling center last week, and I have not been well. Maybe trying Atkins wasn't a good idea for me--perhaps totally depriving myself of carbs (ah, starch, sweet nectar of the gods) made me rebel even more. All I know is, what I'm doing is unhealthy, self-defeating, and is actually beginning to affect my singing--I was talking to my teacher about "morning fuzz" (in my voice) and she thinks it's acid reflux, not allergies. And that would definitely make sense. So what am I supposed to do, suck down Tagamets with my boxes of Chips Ahoy? That would be stupid. Funny, it looks like singing is once again saving me from myself. (Recall: the impetus for my quitting the whole bulimia cycle was the thought of what it was doing to my vocal folds. I know that makes me sound like a diva, but this is very important.) So yeah, I'm definitely going to call them on Monday. I need help with this!
Other random notes:
1. Helen: thank you, girlfriend! I'm glad somebody's finally saying it! And nobody would ever accuse you of being a Randall Terry fan. I guess my general feeling is: abortion is wrong, but women need to figure that out for themselves. There's no excuse for people who don't use contraception faithfully. And yes, I know mistakes happen, but you should've thought of that before you hopped into bed. I know I do, every time. If I were to get pregnant--well, it would definitely throw a wrench into my carefully crafted life plans (hah!), but I would take some time off of school and shack up with Mark (aka Daddy). So we'd be starting a family sooner than we'd planned--it's not like I'm sixteen. (Which is why I waited until I was a senior in college to give it up--it wasn't because I was a loser!! ;>)
2. Cathy, we miss you!
3. Erik: love your page! Including the music! The only good radio station in town is the oldies station, you know. I love the Beach Boys more every day. I know you said it years ago...
4. This page will be moving very soon. You will be notified...
But the eating thing is definitely not better. I didn't call the counseling center last week, and I have not been well. Maybe trying Atkins wasn't a good idea for me--perhaps totally depriving myself of carbs (ah, starch, sweet nectar of the gods) made me rebel even more. All I know is, what I'm doing is unhealthy, self-defeating, and is actually beginning to affect my singing--I was talking to my teacher about "morning fuzz" (in my voice) and she thinks it's acid reflux, not allergies. And that would definitely make sense. So what am I supposed to do, suck down Tagamets with my boxes of Chips Ahoy? That would be stupid. Funny, it looks like singing is once again saving me from myself. (Recall: the impetus for my quitting the whole bulimia cycle was the thought of what it was doing to my vocal folds. I know that makes me sound like a diva, but this is very important.) So yeah, I'm definitely going to call them on Monday. I need help with this!
Other random notes:
1. Helen: thank you, girlfriend! I'm glad somebody's finally saying it! And nobody would ever accuse you of being a Randall Terry fan. I guess my general feeling is: abortion is wrong, but women need to figure that out for themselves. There's no excuse for people who don't use contraception faithfully. And yes, I know mistakes happen, but you should've thought of that before you hopped into bed. I know I do, every time. If I were to get pregnant--well, it would definitely throw a wrench into my carefully crafted life plans (hah!), but I would take some time off of school and shack up with Mark (aka Daddy). So we'd be starting a family sooner than we'd planned--it's not like I'm sixteen. (Which is why I waited until I was a senior in college to give it up--it wasn't because I was a loser!! ;>)
2. Cathy, we miss you!
3. Erik: love your page! Including the music! The only good radio station in town is the oldies station, you know. I love the Beach Boys more every day. I know you said it years ago...
4. This page will be moving very soon. You will be notified...
Wednesday, October 2
One eighty. Suddenly everything kinda sucks a little. Well, it's a few things that suck a lot, really. The first thing is that I need a job, and that my availability isn't conducive to getting one. I would work evenings, except that I need to keep evenings free because I have/will have rehearsals. I would work weekends, but then I would never see Mark, so forget it. So that leaves the daytime--and my schedule is pretty erratic. And working in retail is not an option--five dollars an hour is not worth that hell, and I refuse to work on commission. One thing I have been thinking about is working at Starbucks--there's one pretty close to where I live, and one of the guys in my program says they pay really well (like $7 an hour) and treat their employees well, too. Plus if I tell them I want to work a specific schedule (like, say, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-11:30am) they'll appreciate my honesty and willingness to get up before the sun. (Not that I'm thrilled about that prospect--but I do need money.) I don't know--I guess I'm still holding out for a "patron". If y'all know anybody independently wealthy who's willing to support me financially out of sheer love for the arts and respect for my instrument, give them my number. :)
Speaking of which--that's one of my other problems. I have not been able to sing for SHIT for the whole last week. I was a little sick (and I still have some fuzz), but that's not the reason--I'm having technical problems. Without getting too complicated, let's say that my teacher has a very different pedagogical method than any other teacher I've had before. All of my former teachers were "Italian-style": they help you use your imagination to produce proper technique. For example, they might tell you to imagine you have an inner tube around your waist to help you breathe correctly. My current teacher, on the other hand, is "German-style": she tells me specifically that I need to raise my soft palate, or that I need to push out my abs at the beginning of a phrase. These are two very, very different methods. And I had a strong suspicion that my current teacher used different teaching techniques than my previous teachers, but I welcomed that: maybe now, I thought, I can finally tackle some nagging technical issues that I've always had. Well, this is much more than I bargained for. I feel like I couldn't even sing unless she were there with me to correct what I'm doing wrong. At this point, I feel like I've been stripped of all my old technique--even the good stuff!--in favor of her methods, which are new and different and I'm not sure they work for me. It's terrifying. And maybe I'm just expecting results too soon--maybe I need to give this some time to set in before I knock it all down. And I know that most of the other new grad students are undergoing similar technical changes, and are feeling unsure about themselves. But I also know that my teacher historically has high attrition rates among grad students--either people change teachers, or they drop out of school. I worry that, if things just aren't working, that I'm going to have to switch studios--which isn't unheard-of, but still smacks of giving up to me. Plus I'd have to start all over...
Anyway, the other problem is a little more difficult to talk about. I assume y'all remember that I had a tiny bulimia problem like six years ago. Well, it was easy to address the actual purging part (i.e. don't puke), but I guess the bingeing part has stayed with me a little more than I'd like. I have to admit that I really do have a bingeing problem. There's even a regular pattern to the episodes--something happens that makes me feel bad (whether it be a rough lesson, or I feel like somebody was talking about me, or I feel lonely, or maybe I just have a cold), and on my way home I go to the store (usually Target) and buy whatever sounds good--usually two or more of the following: chocolate chip cookies, Doritos, peanut butter M&M's, Ben & Jerry's, and/or various candy creations. I start eating in the car, and usually don't stop until I'm really feeling sick (by then I've eaten almost everything, if not all). It only ever happens when I'm alone (when I'm with Mark, I'm not lonely--and you think he'd ever let me get away with this?), and it's been going on for at least a year or so but has increased in frequency a bit since I've moved here. And I've definitely known about it--when I go grocery shopping, I never buy junk food because "if I buy it, I'm going to eat it". And if I thought it was okay, why would I hide it? However much we try not to become our mothers... Anyway, I finally told Mark about it this weekend, and he insisted that I seek help from the school counseling service (I think they give you 3 or 4 sessions with the student health fee, or something). I'll probably call them tomorrow. I don't know...I guess I'm just not good at dealing with stress and insecurity and being alone. (At least I know I'm not alone in all that.)
I'm sorry for being such a downer. (And Mark is in Cleveland until Monday...) I guess I just had a lot I'd been keeping in. But I know things have to get better from here. I'm going to go practice in a few minutes, and hopefully I can get some things figured out.
Speaking of which--that's one of my other problems. I have not been able to sing for SHIT for the whole last week. I was a little sick (and I still have some fuzz), but that's not the reason--I'm having technical problems. Without getting too complicated, let's say that my teacher has a very different pedagogical method than any other teacher I've had before. All of my former teachers were "Italian-style": they help you use your imagination to produce proper technique. For example, they might tell you to imagine you have an inner tube around your waist to help you breathe correctly. My current teacher, on the other hand, is "German-style": she tells me specifically that I need to raise my soft palate, or that I need to push out my abs at the beginning of a phrase. These are two very, very different methods. And I had a strong suspicion that my current teacher used different teaching techniques than my previous teachers, but I welcomed that: maybe now, I thought, I can finally tackle some nagging technical issues that I've always had. Well, this is much more than I bargained for. I feel like I couldn't even sing unless she were there with me to correct what I'm doing wrong. At this point, I feel like I've been stripped of all my old technique--even the good stuff!--in favor of her methods, which are new and different and I'm not sure they work for me. It's terrifying. And maybe I'm just expecting results too soon--maybe I need to give this some time to set in before I knock it all down. And I know that most of the other new grad students are undergoing similar technical changes, and are feeling unsure about themselves. But I also know that my teacher historically has high attrition rates among grad students--either people change teachers, or they drop out of school. I worry that, if things just aren't working, that I'm going to have to switch studios--which isn't unheard-of, but still smacks of giving up to me. Plus I'd have to start all over...
Anyway, the other problem is a little more difficult to talk about. I assume y'all remember that I had a tiny bulimia problem like six years ago. Well, it was easy to address the actual purging part (i.e. don't puke), but I guess the bingeing part has stayed with me a little more than I'd like. I have to admit that I really do have a bingeing problem. There's even a regular pattern to the episodes--something happens that makes me feel bad (whether it be a rough lesson, or I feel like somebody was talking about me, or I feel lonely, or maybe I just have a cold), and on my way home I go to the store (usually Target) and buy whatever sounds good--usually two or more of the following: chocolate chip cookies, Doritos, peanut butter M&M's, Ben & Jerry's, and/or various candy creations. I start eating in the car, and usually don't stop until I'm really feeling sick (by then I've eaten almost everything, if not all). It only ever happens when I'm alone (when I'm with Mark, I'm not lonely--and you think he'd ever let me get away with this?), and it's been going on for at least a year or so but has increased in frequency a bit since I've moved here. And I've definitely known about it--when I go grocery shopping, I never buy junk food because "if I buy it, I'm going to eat it". And if I thought it was okay, why would I hide it? However much we try not to become our mothers... Anyway, I finally told Mark about it this weekend, and he insisted that I seek help from the school counseling service (I think they give you 3 or 4 sessions with the student health fee, or something). I'll probably call them tomorrow. I don't know...I guess I'm just not good at dealing with stress and insecurity and being alone. (At least I know I'm not alone in all that.)
I'm sorry for being such a downer. (And Mark is in Cleveland until Monday...
Saturday, September 28
Mark is on his way here from Raleigh. I can't wait to see him. (I am such a goofy ass.) I have his birthday presents here waiting for him--two framed 8x10's (one of him at Holden Beach--a truly arty photo, if I say so myself--and one of the two of us from July), some flannel pajamas, organic dates, and some pretty blue tumblers. (He said he needed cups.) .....
I have to go--he's already in town, and I have to go back up to my apartment. More later...
I have to go--he's already in town, and I have to go back up to my apartment. More later...
Wednesday, September 25
Feeling better today. I just had my first headshots done at the campus Publications Office. I hope they turned out okay--I may get to see them this afternoon.
Last night I actually did something social--I went to the house of one of the other grad students and watched the season premiere of Buffy. It's an interesting show--kind of gross, but that's a stupid thing for a Six Feet Under fan to say. (Speaking of which--what gives with the Emmys snubbing my show? I mean, I know they don't mean anything, but still.) It was nice to talk to people. I think I'm actually putting myself out there more. Good for me!
(For most of you it must sound silly for me to talk about not having a lot of friends--but I do have some anxiety about making friends, and I always think people are "talking about me". As if people actually cared about what I do, when they have they have their own lives to worry about! This isn't high school, for God's sake! But I still want people to like me, nevertheless.)
You know what I just thought of? If Nick and I were still dating (which in itself is a very funny and weird thought!), today would be our 8 year and 7 month anniversary. That's 103 months. Isn't it strange that I just thought of that?
Well, I have to go eat lunch (overpriced Wendy's salad) and learn some music (I've already read through 30 pages of Figaro--only 45 more to go, and then memorization!), so I will sign off. Just wanted to let you know I haven't fallen off the Earth...
Last night I actually did something social--I went to the house of one of the other grad students and watched the season premiere of Buffy. It's an interesting show--kind of gross, but that's a stupid thing for a Six Feet Under fan to say. (Speaking of which--what gives with the Emmys snubbing my show? I mean, I know they don't mean anything, but still.) It was nice to talk to people. I think I'm actually putting myself out there more. Good for me!
(For most of you it must sound silly for me to talk about not having a lot of friends--but I do have some anxiety about making friends, and I always think people are "talking about me". As if people actually cared about what I do, when they have they have their own lives to worry about! This isn't high school, for God's sake! But I still want people to like me, nevertheless.)
You know what I just thought of? If Nick and I were still dating (which in itself is a very funny and weird thought!), today would be our 8 year and 7 month anniversary. That's 103 months. Isn't it strange that I just thought of that?
Well, I have to go eat lunch (overpriced Wendy's salad) and learn some music (I've already read through 30 pages of Figaro--only 45 more to go, and then memorization!), so I will sign off. Just wanted to let you know I haven't fallen off the Earth...
Monday, September 23
I felt it was necessary to post today--even though I have an upper respiratory infection--in order to prove my detractor wrong (she knows who she is! :>). I'm lucky that it hasn't affected my larynx. No, actually, that's because of all the hard work I've been doing to prevent this thing from creeping down from my sinuses. Lots of water, lots of rest, and honey and juice. (Sorry, Dr. Atkins, but I know what to do when I get sinus symptoms.) So anyway, I had a good weekend despite it all. Friday night we had a really nice (and expensive!) dinner with Mark's boss and his wife. Mark, of course, downplayed the dressiness of the event, so I didn't even know I was underdressed until I saw him put on his blazer--at which point it was too late. Well, nobody said anything, anyway. Saturday we went to this new mall in North Raleigh (can you believe there are 5 or 6 HUGE malls within 8 miles of Mark's house? And I'm not even counting the strip malls), and Sunday we went to BB&B, where we finally found a black duvet cover for Mark's futon. I bought some floor pillows, so when I have people over there's something to sit on. (I am prospectively hosting some sort of party on October 10th--the day before Fall Break. Wish me luck.) Anyway, I have to go home and have soup and take a nap (can you believe I have choral rehearsal tonight from 7:30-10? RIDICULOUS!), but maybe I can write more later.
Wednesday, September 18
Today is a good day. (I hope I'm not jinxing myself...)
I stayed up late last night (Mark and I were on the phone for over two hours--he spends all day listening to other people, and sometimes he just needs to talk--and I had a French quiz to study for), so of course I did not want to get out of bed (when is that not the case?). I rolled out sometime after 8:30, made it to the Park-und-Ride by 9:40, and slid into my French class with several minutes left to review my ubiquitous index cards. I proceeded to ace the quiz (I think I'm just good at languages--it's not as if I put all that much work into it), and Elena and I had lunch at UNC-G's version of the SUNY-Binghamton mini-mall. (Though surprisingly, there are no Greeks in white baseball caps and party pants there...I think they hang out in "The Caf".) I was pleased to find that what seemed like a very large salad cost under $3. Then I went onto the Internet to do a little research on The House of Yes, which I saw a few minutes of on WGN last night. (Interesting--though I wish there were more Parker Posey and less Tori Spelling! How on earth did that talentless walleye-girl ever get into an indie movie?) After that I made some phone calls--turns out my refund check is legitimate, and I most certainly can switch from a commuter parking pass to an evening (P&R before 1pm) pass--all to the tune of $400 in my checking account. Rock! That's an entire month's rent. Then I tried to give blood--but there was over an hour's wait, and I have to meet with my accompanist at 3pm. So I will do that another time. And now I've finished my French homework--so all that's left to do is work on some songs (more French!) and that aforementioned 75 pages of Herr Wolfy. And at 4pm I'm going to see some of my Op Shop classmates perform their scenes. So it's kind of a fun, low-key day.
Plus I'm starting to think about having a get-together at my apartment. If I invite people over, I'll be spending time with them! (The proactive approach works!) Drawbacks: my apartment is small and I don't have a lot of seating (though my mother bought me some sort of couch at a yard sale a few weeks ago--who knows when it'll get here?). So I'll have to open up the whole place (read: my bedroom), which means I actually have to go through some of the crap on the floor (mostly fabric and stuff from my desk at IKA) and put it in boxes. Then I plan to make some pillows out of Salvation Army sweaters (thank you, Genevieve!) and finally make little posterboard frames for those Botticelli postcards. After that, all I need to do is fix the hems on my curtains and find a place for that Star Wars poster, and I will be totally ready to entertain! I'm looking forward to it now. Now if only I could find the right evening...
I stayed up late last night (Mark and I were on the phone for over two hours--he spends all day listening to other people, and sometimes he just needs to talk--and I had a French quiz to study for), so of course I did not want to get out of bed (when is that not the case?). I rolled out sometime after 8:30, made it to the Park-und-Ride by 9:40, and slid into my French class with several minutes left to review my ubiquitous index cards. I proceeded to ace the quiz (I think I'm just good at languages--it's not as if I put all that much work into it), and Elena and I had lunch at UNC-G's version of the SUNY-Binghamton mini-mall. (Though surprisingly, there are no Greeks in white baseball caps and party pants there...I think they hang out in "The Caf".) I was pleased to find that what seemed like a very large salad cost under $3. Then I went onto the Internet to do a little research on The House of Yes, which I saw a few minutes of on WGN last night. (Interesting--though I wish there were more Parker Posey and less Tori Spelling! How on earth did that talentless walleye-girl ever get into an indie movie?) After that I made some phone calls--turns out my refund check is legitimate, and I most certainly can switch from a commuter parking pass to an evening (P&R before 1pm) pass--all to the tune of $400 in my checking account. Rock! That's an entire month's rent. Then I tried to give blood--but there was over an hour's wait, and I have to meet with my accompanist at 3pm. So I will do that another time. And now I've finished my French homework--so all that's left to do is work on some songs (more French!) and that aforementioned 75 pages of Herr Wolfy. And at 4pm I'm going to see some of my Op Shop classmates perform their scenes. So it's kind of a fun, low-key day.
Plus I'm starting to think about having a get-together at my apartment. If I invite people over, I'll be spending time with them! (The proactive approach works!) Drawbacks: my apartment is small and I don't have a lot of seating (though my mother bought me some sort of couch at a yard sale a few weeks ago--who knows when it'll get here?). So I'll have to open up the whole place (read: my bedroom), which means I actually have to go through some of the crap on the floor (mostly fabric and stuff from my desk at IKA) and put it in boxes. Then I plan to make some pillows out of Salvation Army sweaters (thank you, Genevieve!) and finally make little posterboard frames for those Botticelli postcards. After that, all I need to do is fix the hems on my curtains and find a place for that Star Wars poster, and I will be totally ready to entertain! I'm looking forward to it now. Now if only I could find the right evening...
Tuesday, September 17
Hi again. I am trying hard to do this whenever I can so Helen will link to me. I am such a dork! Anyway...
Wondering what "Contessa" means? It refers to Countess Almaviva from The marriage of Figaro by Mozart. It's, like, one of my dream roles. Guess what? We are studying the opera in my Opera Performance Techniques workshop, and I get to sing the Countess. Yay! Except that I have 75 pages of music to learn by the end of October (the scene I'm in is the Act II finale, which is perhaps the best opera finale ever written, but it is very long). So my naming of this webpage ten months ago finally seems appropriate...
I like being in graduate school, but there are issues: 1. I live by myself, which is good in a lot of ways, but it's expensive; 2. I've had zero luck finding a part-time job--I've been on a few interviews, but I can't work enough hours for somebody to actually hire me; 3. I'm lonely! Because I go out of town almost every weekend, I don't get to spend as much time with the other new grad students as I'd like. So now we're a month into classes, and everybody seems to be all friendly with each other--and I feel left out! This is not a new feeling, of course--I'm always feeling left out of the loop, it seems--but I just wish I could be more included. I guess I need to include myself. But it's a difficult thing to do. I have spent some time with one girl, who's in my French class as well as the voice program, but I just wish I could be more social. I don't know if I've been here long enough to complain...
Speaking of going out of town, this weekend Mark and I are going out to dinner with the publisher of his newspaper. That should be fun, but I'm a little nervous. I just hope I don't embarrass myself--or Mark!
Wondering what "Contessa" means? It refers to Countess Almaviva from The marriage of Figaro by Mozart. It's, like, one of my dream roles. Guess what? We are studying the opera in my Opera Performance Techniques workshop, and I get to sing the Countess. Yay! Except that I have 75 pages of music to learn by the end of October (the scene I'm in is the Act II finale, which is perhaps the best opera finale ever written, but it is very long). So my naming of this webpage ten months ago finally seems appropriate...
I like being in graduate school, but there are issues: 1. I live by myself, which is good in a lot of ways, but it's expensive; 2. I've had zero luck finding a part-time job--I've been on a few interviews, but I can't work enough hours for somebody to actually hire me; 3. I'm lonely! Because I go out of town almost every weekend, I don't get to spend as much time with the other new grad students as I'd like. So now we're a month into classes, and everybody seems to be all friendly with each other--and I feel left out! This is not a new feeling, of course--I'm always feeling left out of the loop, it seems--but I just wish I could be more included. I guess I need to include myself. But it's a difficult thing to do. I have spent some time with one girl, who's in my French class as well as the voice program, but I just wish I could be more social. I don't know if I've been here long enough to complain...
Speaking of going out of town, this weekend Mark and I are going out to dinner with the publisher of his newspaper. That should be fun, but I'm a little nervous. I just hope I don't embarrass myself--or Mark!
Monday, September 16
Hey, it's me. I don't know if this page will work anymore--but if it does, cool. Since I have time to write again (and no longer have Big Brother IT people to regulate my web usage) I figured I would start posting again. For those of you who don't know: I have moved to ___________, and am a first-semester graduate student in voice performance at ___________________. Let's see if this works now...
Okay, I checked it, and it does. I don't really have much to write about, except that I miss Mark and stuff. (He lives in Raleigh, and though we do get to see each other every weekend, it is so difficult to leave him. I swear, it totally breaks my heart.) Oh, and that my lessons are going well, I think. I know this is supposed to be an adjustment time vocally, but it's still difficult. I think I had a Eureka! moment today in my lesson, though. Hopefully it will take. I have to sing today in my repertoire class, which I'm not really looking forward to--the song isn't ready! I'm still raising my larynx and forgetting to yawn! And the b-flat is yuck. Well, I've got three hours, anyway. Speaking of which, I have to get home and make lunch. Atkins Day Eight, and I still cry every time I see ice cream. Girl, get OVER it! Plus I have my period right now, so I'm craving junk food more often than usual. Boo hoo! If I can get through this, though, I guess I can do anything.
Okay, I checked it, and it does. I don't really have much to write about, except that I miss Mark and stuff. (He lives in Raleigh, and though we do get to see each other every weekend, it is so difficult to leave him. I swear, it totally breaks my heart.) Oh, and that my lessons are going well, I think. I know this is supposed to be an adjustment time vocally, but it's still difficult. I think I had a Eureka! moment today in my lesson, though. Hopefully it will take. I have to sing today in my repertoire class, which I'm not really looking forward to--the song isn't ready! I'm still raising my larynx and forgetting to yawn! And the b-flat is yuck. Well, I've got three hours, anyway. Speaking of which, I have to get home and make lunch. Atkins Day Eight, and I still cry every time I see ice cream. Girl, get OVER it! Plus I have my period right now, so I'm craving junk food more often than usual. Boo hoo! If I can get through this, though, I guess I can do anything.
Thursday, March 14
Things are busy here--for good, bad, or indifferent. Yesterday morning I walked out my front door to find that someone had smushed a bag of dog shit on the hood of my roommate's white 2000 Honda. It had rained hard the night before, but that hadn't prevented the poopy from caking and sticking to the car. Since she is out of town, I was obliged to clean it up. Unfortunately yesterday was one of those days that I had to be out of the house until dinnertime. So there I was, pouring buckets of hot water over my roommate's hood. It took four trips up and down the stairs. What animal would do something like that to somebody? I left a message with the homeowner's association about it, and all I got back was a snide answering machine message saying that "my roommate must have a problem with somebody" and that I should take the car to the car wash. Asshole! If I had the KEYS to the car, I would take it to the car wash. I just wanted to report it in case there had been a history of pranks or something. In any case, they were no help. Along with that message (which I picked up at 7pm, right before I went on Poopy Patrol) was one from the realtor, telling me that the condo was being shown this afternoon. So along with cleaning up dogshit, I had to clean the kitchen and make sure my dirty clothes were discreetly hidden under a towel in the laundry basket. Argh. Add to that the fact that I have an appointment with a new gynecologist today, and you have a rather stressful situation. But don't get me wrong, things are good. I had a great voice lesson yesterday--I get to pick out new music (which I LOVE to do), now that my auditions are over, and I have some awesome stuff to choose from! All these crazy tough arias that I thought I could never sing--well, they're in my Fach! Apparently I'm sounding like a lyric coloratura these days (which means I can sing legato, and really high and fast)--plus the size and color of my voice, and the fact that I can sing low, make for some real fun. Violetta, here I come! (In a few years, anyway--but I can at least look at the arias now...) And this morning I had my employee review--everything's good, and I'll be getting a (small) raise in April. Yay! So what if it's only fifty dollars a month? Plus everything with Mark is rosy...but you knew that... :)
Thursday, March 7
The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbinson singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me
You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well, the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the track
Oh-oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
Oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold
Thunder Road
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
When you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win
--Bruce Springsteen
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbinson singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me
You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well, the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the track
Oh-oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
Oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold
Thunder Road
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
When you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win
--Bruce Springsteen
Wednesday, March 6
I finally have Internet access at home, courtesy of MSN. Last night I spent over an hour reading up on Tammy Lynn Michaels. She played a really evil rich girl on the former WB show Popular (it was on at the same time as Will and Grace, which is way too bad since it was a good show), and has been dating Melissa Etheridge for over a year now. What kind of hole have I been living in that I missed hearing this? I only found out because I was leafing through my roommate's November 2001 GLAMOUR (though I do vaguely remember her being in that video with Jennifer Aniston...) And here they are, the most high-profile lesbian couple out there. I've been wallowing in my heterosexual bliss, I suppose. Not that I have any reason to complain--as long as I get to be with Mark for the rest of my life, I don't need anybody else. (Awwwwww...)
Last week was kind of a sucky week for me mentally--my job was getting on my nerves, and I think I was coming down from the audition anti-climax. (I found out Friday that Florida State doesn't want me--which is fine since I didn't want them, either. My only regret is that I won't be able to tell them to kiss off.) Plus I had major PMS. Why is it that, regardless of how early or late my period is, the PMS always starts at, like, day 21? So this month, when I was almost a week late, I had like, two weeks of crabbiness and various cramps and ailments. That is so not fair! I'm going to the doctor next week (hooray), and I will ask her whether this is normal.
Okay, guys, you can come back in the room now...
Last week was kind of a sucky week for me mentally--my job was getting on my nerves, and I think I was coming down from the audition anti-climax. (I found out Friday that Florida State doesn't want me--which is fine since I didn't want them, either. My only regret is that I won't be able to tell them to kiss off.) Plus I had major PMS. Why is it that, regardless of how early or late my period is, the PMS always starts at, like, day 21? So this month, when I was almost a week late, I had like, two weeks of crabbiness and various cramps and ailments. That is so not fair! I'm going to the doctor next week (hooray), and I will ask her whether this is normal.
Okay, guys, you can come back in the room now...
Thursday, February 28
(Note: I tried to post this yesterday, but Blogger was overloaded and wouldn't let me on. So this should be dated 2/27/02...)
I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long! My reasons are twofold:
1. I have been extremely busy (but when is that not the case?)
2. We got a memo at work two weeks ago about Internet usage. Needless to say it scared the crap out of me (considering how much time I spend online-for business as well as recreation). So I’ve allowed myself little more than several e-mail checks a day and the occasional article on MSN. No more Onion, unfortunately. I’m waiting for my MSN disk to come in the mail; once I receive it I will definitely post more frequently.
Anyway, things are pretty good other than that. I have finally finished my auditions. Hooray! I auditioned for _______________ on February 9th. It went pretty well, and I really liked it there. I also found out that I had been accepted that day. The program there seems very similar to the one at U-Minn (except there’s less snow). It will be a tough choice between the two schools (especially since both seem more than willing to throw money at me)! After visiting ____________, I became even less enthusiastic about going down to Florida State the weekend of the 22nd. I felt there was no point, since I was already really happy about the other two schools. Plus FSU has a reputation for being a “singer factory”-which is totally not what I’m looking for. Add to that the fact that my audition was before 10am (for a graduate audition, that is UNHEARD OF), and that I wouldn’t have an opportunity to work with my accompanist prior to my audition, and you can understand how thrilled I was about spending huge amounts of money I don’t have to visit a college I don’t care to attend, nor could even AFFORD to attend without huge loans and grants and stipends. Despite my grumbling, Mark and I flew down there this past weekend. Tallahassee is a nice little town-a little smaller than Binghamton and not as depressing, with perks including a cute downtown district and the Florida state capital. (Ooh, Jeb Bush.) But the school left something to be desired: the music buildings were trashed! The practice room I used looked like something out of Mad Max-a wooden stool lay in splinters on the stained carpet, still chained to the piano with industrial-size steel links, and the mirror had a huge crack in it. And the music buildings were all vaguely dingy, with confusing windy hallways and staircases in odd places. (All in stark constrast to the facilities at U. Minn and ___________, where everything was computerized and under five years old.) My audition went fine, but the teacher with whom I wanted to study wasn’t even in my audition (nor had she returned my e-mail). All in all, I was not too impressed. But Mark and I had a great weekend-we got to go in the hotel whirlpool, and go to some museums, and generally pretend we were on vacation after 11am on Saturday.
Speaking of Mark-we finally did have that talk we needed to have about my leaving. Apparently he was worried I might be angry because he wasn’t going to follow me wherever I go to school-and I was worried he’d be angry because I would expect our relationship to continue even though I was leaving him. Turns out we were both wrong. We both like our relationship just the way it is (though I wish I got more sleep), and neither of us are ready to make a lifetime commitment-yet. My plan right now is to go to school for two years, then join him in whatever city he’s working in at the time. (Any city larger than Wilmington will have an opera company-we really should have one, after all.) I feel that if we’re meant to be together, it will all work out somehow. So it was a generally positive conversation.
In other news: the other day I decided to listen to an old Perfect Thyroid tape in my car. I just checked out their website-turns out they’re breaking up for good! I wasn’t able to find out exactly why, but I’m sure it had something to do with being 35 and having kids and not being able to stay out all night and go on tour and stuff. It’s the end of an era!
Anybody watch Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s new show last night? Mark and I thought it was pretty good.
I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long! My reasons are twofold:
1. I have been extremely busy (but when is that not the case?)
2. We got a memo at work two weeks ago about Internet usage. Needless to say it scared the crap out of me (considering how much time I spend online-for business as well as recreation). So I’ve allowed myself little more than several e-mail checks a day and the occasional article on MSN. No more Onion, unfortunately. I’m waiting for my MSN disk to come in the mail; once I receive it I will definitely post more frequently.
Anyway, things are pretty good other than that. I have finally finished my auditions. Hooray! I auditioned for _______________ on February 9th. It went pretty well, and I really liked it there. I also found out that I had been accepted that day. The program there seems very similar to the one at U-Minn (except there’s less snow). It will be a tough choice between the two schools (especially since both seem more than willing to throw money at me)! After visiting ____________, I became even less enthusiastic about going down to Florida State the weekend of the 22nd. I felt there was no point, since I was already really happy about the other two schools. Plus FSU has a reputation for being a “singer factory”-which is totally not what I’m looking for. Add to that the fact that my audition was before 10am (for a graduate audition, that is UNHEARD OF), and that I wouldn’t have an opportunity to work with my accompanist prior to my audition, and you can understand how thrilled I was about spending huge amounts of money I don’t have to visit a college I don’t care to attend, nor could even AFFORD to attend without huge loans and grants and stipends. Despite my grumbling, Mark and I flew down there this past weekend. Tallahassee is a nice little town-a little smaller than Binghamton and not as depressing, with perks including a cute downtown district and the Florida state capital. (Ooh, Jeb Bush.) But the school left something to be desired: the music buildings were trashed! The practice room I used looked like something out of Mad Max-a wooden stool lay in splinters on the stained carpet, still chained to the piano with industrial-size steel links, and the mirror had a huge crack in it. And the music buildings were all vaguely dingy, with confusing windy hallways and staircases in odd places. (All in stark constrast to the facilities at U. Minn and ___________, where everything was computerized and under five years old.) My audition went fine, but the teacher with whom I wanted to study wasn’t even in my audition (nor had she returned my e-mail). All in all, I was not too impressed. But Mark and I had a great weekend-we got to go in the hotel whirlpool, and go to some museums, and generally pretend we were on vacation after 11am on Saturday.
Speaking of Mark-we finally did have that talk we needed to have about my leaving. Apparently he was worried I might be angry because he wasn’t going to follow me wherever I go to school-and I was worried he’d be angry because I would expect our relationship to continue even though I was leaving him. Turns out we were both wrong. We both like our relationship just the way it is (though I wish I got more sleep), and neither of us are ready to make a lifetime commitment-yet. My plan right now is to go to school for two years, then join him in whatever city he’s working in at the time. (Any city larger than Wilmington will have an opera company-we really should have one, after all.) I feel that if we’re meant to be together, it will all work out somehow. So it was a generally positive conversation.
In other news: the other day I decided to listen to an old Perfect Thyroid tape in my car. I just checked out their website-turns out they’re breaking up for good! I wasn’t able to find out exactly why, but I’m sure it had something to do with being 35 and having kids and not being able to stay out all night and go on tour and stuff. It’s the end of an era!
Anybody watch Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s new show last night? Mark and I thought it was pretty good.
Tuesday, February 5
On Saturday morning the local public radio station had a used record sale, and Mark and I CLEANED UP. At fifty cents a record, I spent $16.50. The haul includes an eight-LP Beethoven bicentennial collection issued by the Arturo Toscanini Society, a set of four Brahms symphonies, a set of Haydn’s later London Symphonies, two Kirsten Flagstad records, Carmina Burana, Fiddler on the Roof with Zero Mostel, and some Mozart piano concertos-plus a D’Oyly Carte production of Mark’s favorite, The Mikado. Very exciting stuff. It even got my mind off Extreme for a minute. :) Then in the afternoon we bought Mark a bed. He may be the most circumspect shopper in the universe, but he does get some good deals on quality merchandise.
On Sunday we were in Bed, Bath, & Beyond (shopping for bathroom gear for him) and I saw the president of my company, visiting from Germany, and his mistress (that's the only word that fits--it's a sordid story, and I don't want to get into it)--I was quick to hide. These are people you do not want to run into with dirty hair and wearing your boyfriend's old sweatshirt... Later on I made shrimp stir-fry (at $4.97 a pound, it was cheaper than eating out), and we watched Brain Candy. We turned on the Super Bowl just in time to see that field goal--all we needed to see. I turned off the TV and we talked for a while. Eventually the topic of my going away for grad school came up. I buried my head in his chest for a minute, and he said, "Well, we should talk about that this week." Uh-oh. This is the discussion that's been hanging over our heads since, well, before we even started dating. I always knew I would be leaving. I don't know what's going to happen. I know what I want to happen--I think we should make some sort of permanent committment. I've given it a whole lot of thought, and I know that I want to marry him. But I'm not ready to be married!! I don't even think I'm ready to be engaged. I'm ready to talk about getting engaged, though. But I'll let him bring that up first. I know he definitely wants our relationship to continue, but I don't know whether he wants to move things to that level just yet. I'm afraid to bring it up to him, though! Maybe it's that I love what we have so much, that I don't want to do anything to threaten it. (As if moving 1700 miles away wouldn't "threaten" things...)
More tomorrow...
On Sunday we were in Bed, Bath, & Beyond (shopping for bathroom gear for him) and I saw the president of my company, visiting from Germany, and his mistress (that's the only word that fits--it's a sordid story, and I don't want to get into it)--I was quick to hide. These are people you do not want to run into with dirty hair and wearing your boyfriend's old sweatshirt... Later on I made shrimp stir-fry (at $4.97 a pound, it was cheaper than eating out), and we watched Brain Candy. We turned on the Super Bowl just in time to see that field goal--all we needed to see. I turned off the TV and we talked for a while. Eventually the topic of my going away for grad school came up. I buried my head in his chest for a minute, and he said, "Well, we should talk about that this week." Uh-oh. This is the discussion that's been hanging over our heads since, well, before we even started dating. I always knew I would be leaving. I don't know what's going to happen. I know what I want to happen--I think we should make some sort of permanent committment. I've given it a whole lot of thought, and I know that I want to marry him. But I'm not ready to be married!! I don't even think I'm ready to be engaged. I'm ready to talk about getting engaged, though. But I'll let him bring that up first. I know he definitely wants our relationship to continue, but I don't know whether he wants to move things to that level just yet. I'm afraid to bring it up to him, though! Maybe it's that I love what we have so much, that I don't want to do anything to threaten it. (As if moving 1700 miles away wouldn't "threaten" things...)
More tomorrow...
Friday, February 1
Okay, now I must admit that I have a problem.
Perhaps Mark is rubbing off on me. He has this tendency toward obsessive behavior, whereupon he will latch onto a particular topic and shake the life out of it. He uses his superior journalistic abilities to perform extensive online research, and will blather on and on about the subject for weeks. Some of his more memorable obsessions have been with smoothies, the film Topsy Turvy (he is such a huge Gilbert and Sullivan freak now), and actress Jennifer Connelly. (The latter was my fault, I think. We were watching Pollock when he turned to me and said, “She looks like you. She has big boobs.” I was rather amused by this, and of course would not let him forget about it. A few months later, she’s on every talk show promoting A Beautiful Mind, and then she won that Golden Globe...)
Anyway, now I’ve gone nutty, and my topic of dementia is Extreme. Arggggh!!
So I’ve been listening to that album way too much. But I like it! And I’m starting to analyze their music now. First of all, the lyrics: corny as all hell. They use more cliches than Steven Tyler! Which brings up an interesting possibility: is there something about living in Boston that fosters lyrical banality? I mean, look at some of the famous groups from Boston: Extreme, Aerosmith, Boston (the band), New Kids on the Block (as if they actually wrote their own lyrics!), The Mighty Mighty Bosstones... do you see a pattern? Here’s an example from Extreme:
“I’m in need of someone to tie my shoe/Take hold of my hand when I become afraid/And whose footsteps will I follow into?/Daddy, please, don’t run away...” (From “Our Father”, the deadbeat dad song)
Another song, “Stop the World”, is completely composed of stupid cliches. What can you expect from a song with the chorus, “Stop the world/Stop the world/I wanna get off”?? But I still like it.
Have I mentioned that III Sides to Every Story is a CONCEPT album? Did you think that was even an option in 1992? Then again, reference Soundgarden’s Superunknown, from the same period. Apparently all that grunge pathos made the Queen/Van Halen-loving pop metalheads feel the need to compete philosophically. Yeah, their influences are like, SO apparent. Nuno Bettencourt (an extremely underrated musician) alternates between Brian May and Eddie Van Halen the whole time, and Gary Cherone (who, you may recall, became Van Halen’s lead singer for a short time 1999-ish) has the same sort of huge girly falsetto and powerful lead vocals as Freddie Mercury. With the added benefit that he is HOT (unlike Freddie Mercury, may his soul rest, for whom I have the utmost respect as a fellow musician but NOT as a sex symbol). Dude, he is, like, BUFF and stuff. Mmmm.
Though I know Helen prefers the petite, Boniato-esque good looks of Nuno Bettencourt. Remember singing “More Than Words” in the back of the Math Team bus? I still sing those harmonies every time I hear it on the radio. Memories... Where is Jason Morace these days, I wonder? Sounds like a project for Classmates.com!
So my analysis of Extreme so far is as follows: Beantown corn-ball lyrics plus Queen-style glam rock plus Van Halen-esque L.A. hard rock plus a dash of prog-rock (alla Yes or, no, more like Rush) plus...and here’s the kicker...MUSICAL THEATER! Whodathunkit? But whenever I listen to the last “movement” of III Sides to Every Story, I wonder why Jim Steinman’s name was left off the album credits. It came as no surprise that when Extreme broke up circa 1997, Gary Cherone did not hesitate to join a production of Jesus Christ Superstar. It all adds up. But it brings to mind a more personal question: given that I hate musical theater, why is it that I like “rock opera” in most of its forms? I know I bought that Dennis DeYoung Broadway CD as a joke, but the truth is that I actually enjoy it. And I definitely like Meat Loaf (the first album, anyway). And Ian Gillian of Deep Purple was the title character in the original London production of Jesus Christ Superstar (which is awesome). What about big production-number story songs like “Thunder Road”? And liking Queen is just an admission of guilt.
What is WRONG with me?! Why do I like such cheesy-ass music?
The answer to these questions, dear Readers, is up to you...
For more information on III Sides to Every Story, check this out...
Perhaps Mark is rubbing off on me. He has this tendency toward obsessive behavior, whereupon he will latch onto a particular topic and shake the life out of it. He uses his superior journalistic abilities to perform extensive online research, and will blather on and on about the subject for weeks. Some of his more memorable obsessions have been with smoothies, the film Topsy Turvy (he is such a huge Gilbert and Sullivan freak now), and actress Jennifer Connelly. (The latter was my fault, I think. We were watching Pollock when he turned to me and said, “She looks like you. She has big boobs.” I was rather amused by this, and of course would not let him forget about it. A few months later, she’s on every talk show promoting A Beautiful Mind, and then she won that Golden Globe...)
Anyway, now I’ve gone nutty, and my topic of dementia is Extreme. Arggggh!!
So I’ve been listening to that album way too much. But I like it! And I’m starting to analyze their music now. First of all, the lyrics: corny as all hell. They use more cliches than Steven Tyler! Which brings up an interesting possibility: is there something about living in Boston that fosters lyrical banality? I mean, look at some of the famous groups from Boston: Extreme, Aerosmith, Boston (the band), New Kids on the Block (as if they actually wrote their own lyrics!), The Mighty Mighty Bosstones... do you see a pattern? Here’s an example from Extreme:
“I’m in need of someone to tie my shoe/Take hold of my hand when I become afraid/And whose footsteps will I follow into?/Daddy, please, don’t run away...” (From “Our Father”, the deadbeat dad song)
Another song, “Stop the World”, is completely composed of stupid cliches. What can you expect from a song with the chorus, “Stop the world/Stop the world/I wanna get off”?? But I still like it.
Have I mentioned that III Sides to Every Story is a CONCEPT album? Did you think that was even an option in 1992? Then again, reference Soundgarden’s Superunknown, from the same period. Apparently all that grunge pathos made the Queen/Van Halen-loving pop metalheads feel the need to compete philosophically. Yeah, their influences are like, SO apparent. Nuno Bettencourt (an extremely underrated musician) alternates between Brian May and Eddie Van Halen the whole time, and Gary Cherone (who, you may recall, became Van Halen’s lead singer for a short time 1999-ish) has the same sort of huge girly falsetto and powerful lead vocals as Freddie Mercury. With the added benefit that he is HOT (unlike Freddie Mercury, may his soul rest, for whom I have the utmost respect as a fellow musician but NOT as a sex symbol). Dude, he is, like, BUFF and stuff. Mmmm.
Though I know Helen prefers the petite, Boniato-esque good looks of Nuno Bettencourt. Remember singing “More Than Words” in the back of the Math Team bus? I still sing those harmonies every time I hear it on the radio. Memories... Where is Jason Morace these days, I wonder? Sounds like a project for Classmates.com!
So my analysis of Extreme so far is as follows: Beantown corn-ball lyrics plus Queen-style glam rock plus Van Halen-esque L.A. hard rock plus a dash of prog-rock (alla Yes or, no, more like Rush) plus...and here’s the kicker...MUSICAL THEATER! Whodathunkit? But whenever I listen to the last “movement” of III Sides to Every Story, I wonder why Jim Steinman’s name was left off the album credits. It came as no surprise that when Extreme broke up circa 1997, Gary Cherone did not hesitate to join a production of Jesus Christ Superstar. It all adds up. But it brings to mind a more personal question: given that I hate musical theater, why is it that I like “rock opera” in most of its forms? I know I bought that Dennis DeYoung Broadway CD as a joke, but the truth is that I actually enjoy it. And I definitely like Meat Loaf (the first album, anyway). And Ian Gillian of Deep Purple was the title character in the original London production of Jesus Christ Superstar (which is awesome). What about big production-number story songs like “Thunder Road”? And liking Queen is just an admission of guilt.
What is WRONG with me?! Why do I like such cheesy-ass music?
The answer to these questions, dear Readers, is up to you...
For more information on III Sides to Every Story, check this out...
Thursday, January 31
Two months is way too long. But there's lots of good stuff going on. Christmas was wonderful, of course--especially getting to meet Margaret Jean. My anniversary (January 11th) was awesome. Mark gave me the sweetest card, and we went out for Thai. We are so cool. Mark has finally finished moving (did I mention that I found a great new apartment for him? I don't think so), after weeks of carrying boxes up and down many flights of stairs. I never want to move anybody ever again. As if I had a choice in the matter... Speaking of moving, I had my first graduate audition last weekend, at the University of Minnesota. Yup, my mother and I flew up to Minneapolis, the land of Garrison Keillor and record low temperatures. (Though I was more afraid of the prospect of spending the whole weekend with my mother than of frostbite. What do you know, it was forty-five degrees the whole time we were up there.) Everything went really well--I was nervous, but I felt comfortable and very prepared by the time I got to sing. And guess what? The four voice teachers voted unanimously to accept me. Yay! :) I think I would really like it there, though it's really far away from everybody and everything I know and love. Well, whatever happens is meant to be, I guess. My next stop is ________, which is less than four hours away. Mark and I leave a week from tomorrow, and my audition is sometime on February 9th. I'm doing the same pieces as I did in Minneapolis, so there should be no surprises. On the 22nd we fly out to Tallahassee, for my Florida State audition. I have two more pieces to prepare for FSU, so that's the one I'm sort of worried about. But that's in three weeks! I have plenty of time.
So what have I been doing for fun lately? Well, I'm currently reading Dune by Frank Herbert. (I tried to read it when I was 15, but it was just too dense. It's just wonderful!) Currently on my CD player: Tori Amos' Strange Little Girls (of course!), the Ani double CD, and Fire of Freedom by Black 47. In my car I have Extreme's III Sides to Every Story on perpetual replay. Don't ask me why I felt compelled to revisit that--but lightning strike me down, I actually LIKE it. It must be all the drugs...
So what have I been doing for fun lately? Well, I'm currently reading Dune by Frank Herbert. (I tried to read it when I was 15, but it was just too dense. It's just wonderful!) Currently on my CD player: Tori Amos' Strange Little Girls (of course!), the Ani double CD, and Fire of Freedom by Black 47. In my car I have Extreme's III Sides to Every Story on perpetual replay. Don't ask me why I felt compelled to revisit that--but lightning strike me down, I actually LIKE it. It must be all the drugs...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)