history

History repeats itself.

I need to learn again.

To accept,

To recover.

It's gonna take a while.

I need some more time to learn all over again.

Breathe.

I'LL MOVE ON - Olivia Ong

This road that I'm taking twists and turns
My life my chance turning dreams into reality.
Down this path faced with so many things
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can't seem to go on
And I've been thru' this before
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've bought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near

I'll move on I'll go on.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on

Here I am Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I've come so far And I want to carry on
Take a step at time
It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again

Don't hold back now.
And i've been thru' this before.
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've bought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, Here I am.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.

Try

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

Fame 2009

Utilisation?

Talked to a friend last evening.

Her words made my change my perspective about certain things, people and events that have been happening lately...

I'm not sure if this is actually happening.

But i hope we're on good terms not because of my current status.

And that it's not because it'll be beneficial to you or what.

I hope the situation now is not due to principle of utilisation and maximisation.

I hope it's based on sincerity and genuine friendship,

one which we both agree is very important and very precious.

But somehow,

it's starting to seem otherwise to me.

May this not be another futile attempt on my part.

I feel so silly, maybe i'm just expecting too much out of this.

Please prove me wrong.

Twist

I've always wanted to believe that certain things happen for a reason.

Just like the way i got into dentistry after i got into science.

If not for the fact that i went science, i wouldn't have met awesome friends, have a wider social circle and have a bunch of people i can depend on when i'm down.


If not for the fact that i got in later, i would not have treasured this opportunity as much, i would not have worked as hard, and i would not have been as humbled.

If i've never gotten in, i wouldn't have gone to project lokun, met all my fun and crazy med friends,


i wouldn't have gone for project sabai, wouldn't have experienced something which changed my life so much,

wouldn't have met people who'll actually make me look forward to school.

I wouldn't have met him, her, them and everyone else.

I wouldn't have felt emotions i've nv felt before.

Overwhelming emotions which takes over your body,

makes ur hand shiver and your body quiver,makes your heart ache and which tugs at your stomach.

Emotions which makes you jump in joy, hope with madness, crazy with laughter and those which tingles and lingers in your heart giving you excitment and nervousness.

Also, i wouldn't have experienced so much, gone through so much.

My perspective, mentality and mindset changed.

I've aged, i've grown wiser, i've become more tolerant of things i cannot change.

I've also become more assertive, ready to defend what i stand for and more ready to voice out my opinions.

I've learnt to appreciate people, appreciate life, appreciate sleep, appreciate my personal time and appreciate what ever i have now.

i've learnt to stop and think, stop and feel.

Stop and realise that the world goes round no matter what you do and that taking a deep breathe sometimes is just so comforting.

If i didn't choose NUS over NTU,

Things would have been so different.

The grass may have been greener on the other side,

but i prefer the brown ones here.

At least i know it's gonna be time for harvest soon.

Thank you for giving me this twist in life.

Brushing

There are certain lines i really shouldn't tread on.

But as much as i know i should stay clear,

it draws me closer.

It's my last leap...

I really should just focus on one thing at a time.

but then again....

Life is not about school.

It's about a lot of other things.

I should really look at things from another perspective.

About life, about what i want, about what i need and what i've been looking for.

The line is so fine.

I hope the time when i've really decided to give it a go,

I won't need to do it for a second time.

Certain things...

Once is enough.

Let history not repeat itself.

I'll work hard.

Weekends!

I'm so glad the weekends are here.

And friday ended with a bang.

At least i got to finally go home early.

I actually get to see the sun when i left the lab!

And that makes me so happy.

It made such a hell lot of a difference.

Do not cross the line

I'm not sure whether it's me or what. But i really find the actions of some people around me very offensive.

1. Having lunch with a friend from the opposite sex and getting all the stares. Worse of all, one classmate actually went to take photos( or claimed that he was just pretending to, so as to see whether i know he's spying or not). Why should i live under such scrutiny?
Don't i deserve even the most basic respect that all human beings deserve?
Yes. i'm single. so? Does it mean anything to eat alone with someone else?
Does it mean i don't deserve privacy?
Does it mean my friend don't deserve respect too?
Can't i have friends outside school?
Can't i just have a simple meal with a friend?

It's ok that you guys keep getting fun out of teasing me. But there's a limit to certain things and there are certain lines you shouldn't cross. Respect other people the same way they respect you.
Give others the privacy they deserve. Give others the space they need.
I'm sick and tired of school and i think everyone is. But that does not mean you all can derive joy out of teasing me and so on.
Say i'm asexual, fine. Ask me about my personal life, fine. I don't answer, you ask my why i'm so guarded.

Why are you even so interested in the first place? Why not mind your own business?
You don't like people to gossip about you, same here.

Give me the basic respect.
I demand it and i think i deserve it.

2.
I cannot believe how someone can continue to exploit me after what she did.
You can break your promise and make use of other people.
Selfish act for your own benefit, just because what you have is your buying power.
And give some reason which i don't find acceptable.
Then you pretend nothing has happened and continue to ask me for help.
Help yourself to my things and then inform me in a :" oh btw" manner.
Don't you even feel uncomfortable about what you've done?
But yea. You're struck off my list.
And i'm not apologetic.

3.
I know you're unwell. But i also need my own space.
You treat me so rudely in school and pretend as if nothing has happened at the end.
Don't use the 'problem' as your negotiating power and i'm tired of people using that to ask me to do something.
There's a reason why i don't have a clique. And i also need my own personal space and time.
I'm struggling too, in fact, more so than you.
I don't want to do things the way you want it, and i don't want people to demand me to do something for them because they have certain problems.
I've been helping other people without being asked.
Yet i don't think i've been helped much when i need it most.
I'm sick and tired of all these nonsense.
I'm not there for you to utilise.
Don't come to me only when you have problems and ditch me one side when you're done.


Basically, just 4 words.

Get. Me. Outta. Here.

Acceptance

Give me the courage to brave the storms.

Give me the strength to accept what i cannot change.

Give me the determination to make the changes i need to make.

Give me the humilty to accept all that comes.

Let me have the wisdom to embrace it all.

Feeling pain in my heart, I breath in.
Suffering from the pain in my heart, I breath out.

Feeling my heart breaking, I breathe in.
Feeling as if my heart will break in two, I breathe out.

Feeling the pain is too great to live with, I breathe in.
Feeling as if the pain is going to swallow me up, I breathe out.

Feeling frustration and anger, I breathe in.
Feeling frustration and anger boiling inside, I breathe out.

Wanting things to be different, I breathe in.
Wanting to change him/her, I breathe out.

Feeling I am not good enough, I breathe in.
Seeing nothing good about me, I breath out.

Feeling frustration, I breathe in.
Feeling fear, I breathe out.

Being afraid that nothing will ever change, I breather in.
Wanting love in my life, I breathe out.

Feeling fear that I will not have what I want, I breathe in.
Feeling fear and anxiety, I breathe out.

Noticing that I am ok, I breathe in.
Noticing that I am ok, I breathe out.

Let me learn to accept.

《眼淚是膠囊》

 

五歲時被外婆逮到亂翻櫥櫃
我偷糖不成卻發掘神祕滋味
第一次被處罰才懂那是淚水
眼淚鹹得從此 不敢再頂嘴

長智後仍有不少事有待學會
比如對該走的人別熱情說喂
復原靠的是鹽水而不是藥水
眼淚排在一起 是顆完整心扉

淚 不管是為誰 是我能獻給
所愛的人真心的行為
淚 在身體輪迴
雙眼更尖銳 才看懂宇宙缺陷美

有人叫我愛哭鬼愛用哭示威
卻不明白那都是感情的精髓
不在乎怎有慚愧心動和氣餒
眼淚不是盔甲 是回憶積累

哪天在天上若有重逢的機會
我會說外婆錯了 淚不止傷悲
而是既然擁抱生命就不後悔
眼淚是個膠囊 我療傷的必備


淚 不管是為誰 是我能獻給
所愛的人真心的行為
眼淚 在身體輪迴
雙眼更尖銳 才看懂宇宙缺陷美


淚 不管是為誰 是我能獻給
所愛的人真心的行為
眼淚 在身體輪迴
雙眼更尖銳 才看懂宇宙缺陷美

才看懂宇宙........

Are you there?

2 weeks of school has already created mayhem for me. I have no idea how i pulled through.


Tears were shed. Hearts broken by patients.

Loss of patience, endurance of scoldings.

Acceptance of failure.

What else, tell me, what else does life has in mind for me?


Prep me. I don't think there's much left of me anyway.

Endurance has a limit.

When hands tremble, when headaches becomes frequent,

when tears flow even more freely and my body shivers.
 Ice cream don't even produce miracles anymore.


I can't take it anymore.

Save me.

But...

Are you even there?

Demons

Just as i was hoping that angels will hold each other up and fly together.

I have people showing me their true colours.

It's scary how selfish people can get.

And it's scary how people step on each other at this critical point in time.

I feel so drained, strained and so utilised.

I shouldn't have been so naive. I only have myself to blame.

The greater good does not exist.

People are nice only when you don't encroach onto their lives.

Survival of the fittest is just so apt.

Darwin's finding, i find it everywhere.

In times like this,

you see the good and the bad in everyone.

It's so disappointing.

I don't even know whether i should be nice, so that i don't demote myself to their status,

Or should i just be the same as how i've been treated.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.
I have enough on my plate.

I really shouldn't care so much.

And do just what i deem fit.

But it's gonna make me so disgusted with myself.

Tell me what should i do.

Seriously,

I feel so used and misused.

I don't even know why i've been so nice.

I must have been blinded by my own beliefs, which in this case, is my own naivety.

I see demons and i see angels.

Angels

The disease which starts with the same letter.

We hear about it.

We were taught to look out for signs of it in our patients.

We learnt how to treat it.

But little do we know how to recognize it when it happens to us and the people around us.


It's so prevalent, we've learnt to deal with it, to live with it.

To conceal it beneathe a facade of smiles, self criticism and humor.

The tears and the weary smiles speaks a thousand words.

It's amazing how much changes can occur to one in 4 years.

From the fresh adventurer to the weary traveller.

The voice which silently creeps into out hearts.

The unheard screams.

The song we all sing.

Who understands?

We pull through, with the strength of people who're like us, people who really understand and goes through it with you.

Some make it, few don't.

Just please don't let history repeat itself again.

2 fallen angels in 2010 is too much to handle.

Heal the wounds, and 


Let the injured find their wings,

don't let them fall..

To the fallen angels, hopefully they are at a better place now. Their presence speaks a thousand words although they are no longer here.
 
For the wounded with the tired smiles,

Angels with broken wings need to hold each other up in order to fly.

Just hang in there.

):

Bad start to a hopefully good ending.

Dentistry for an undergraduate student does not involve only the student's hardwork.

It involves cooperation and also selflessness from the patients,

Compassion from the assessors,

Understanding from classmates,

And a lot of luck.

Sadly, many are not within our control.

Hai.

If patients are more cooperative and less... *ON.

I need a lot of luck to get through this term.

Help.

first day of school

Just packed my room.

Am totally amazed with the number of things that needs to be done.

WooHOOO!!

really need to buck up.

Like what a friend told me tonight

--> play damn hard, study hard. sleep little.

This term = play little, sleep little, STUDY SUPER SUPER SUPER HARD.

Give me moral support please.

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May clinics go smoothly for me. Please please please.

First day of last term

Let me find back the drive.

Let me find back the motivation.

Let me find back my passion.

Let me find back my discipline.

Let me finish all that i need to do and read.

Let me remember all that i've read.

Let me retain all the information.

For my last term in school.

Let me get out of here.

Concentrate

Why do i find it so hard to concentrate?

And why do i have such a huge mountain of things to do?

Hai.

Shouldn't have slacked so much during the hols.

i really miss the sabai trip this year.

If only i can play with the kids more.

I'm definitely going in 2011.

2011

As the rumblings of the fireworks fade into the background,

and the cheers of my neighbours die down...

I welcome 2011 with a sigh.

2011, the year i've been looking forward to since 2007.

The year which shall mark my exit from school and entrance into life.

But why am i not filled with joy, instead with some feeling i don't even know how to describe.

My thoughts are none other than...

the same few things.

As 2011 comes,

anticipation is replaced by apprehension.

I know this year is going to be different.

For good or bad,

i do not know.

Just let me have the courage to face whatever comes my way.

And the perseverance and drive to do it all.

Let me find my passion for what i once hold dear.

And let me have the humilty and courage to deal with all the failures that shall come my way.

Happy 2011.

From: Myself