Moving

Tomorrow shall be the last day i'll be in NUH, FOD.

We are officially moving to the new building.

No doubt feeling excited.

However, i think i will miss this place.

As much as i want to get out of here,

I can't help but think about how i'll feel when i realise this place is gone.

Especially since..

This is where i took my interview and dexterity test,

This is where i have been wanting to come all along.

This is where i hated so much and slowly grew to love.

This is where i spend 12-13 hours per day, 5 days a week got the past 3.5 years.

This is where i've slogged, mugged, get scolded, get blamed, get accused.

This is where i made friends and made dentures, crowns etc.

This place...

holds so many memories.

I guess it's only when you lost something then you realise how precious it is.

And it's only when you've been through so much hardships that you'll actually have some fond memories to talk about.

Bye FOD.

Hello new FOD.

Tomorrow is the last day of school.

I will miss lab 2, lab 4 and Sm1b, as well as clinic 2.

Working

I have decided.

I will work overseas for a period of time when i've graduated.

Australia, washington, hongkong.

Whatever that place is.

2 yrs.

Before i come back.

That's a deal.

chilly weather

It's been raining almost everyday.

Chilly weather.

How nice to hug something soft, warm and furry.

It'll be so much better if only this 'thing' is not so smelly.

It's time to bathe my cat.

he has body odor.

Guneng

I feel so safe with you in my room.

I feel more motivated with u there.

I feel more at ease to know you're here with me.

But can you just stop shedding fur on my bag?

And can you stop being so lazy?

Hai..

I also wanna be a cat.

快乐

开心的定义是什么.

钱?

权?

自由?

爱情?

很多A?

我也不知道．

但是．

我现在．．

很自在．

不想太多，　不留恋太多．

从中得到的．．

应该是快乐．

知足长乐，

不就是最好的吗？

跑

突然之间...

好想放下所有东西, 事情.

搭下一班飞机去一个很远很远的地方.

去一个没人认识的地方.

过个两三年.

平静一下,

平凡一下.

也许回来后会更开心.

敞开思想,敞开心怀.

什么也不去想,不去担心.

日子可能会更好过.

很快了.

多两年.

再等我两年好吗?

6 teeth

I extracted 6 teeth today.

All in one go.

It's so exciting.

I love the thrill.

Somehow i feel so gd after that.

Tomorrow is thursday.

:)

3rd nov 09

I kinda realise what is it that i want,

what is that that i don't want.

It's difficult to draw the line.

But after tonight,

I kinda know it.

At least i have a clearer picture now.

I've never felt so relieved before.

I'm happy the way things are right now.

Status updates

This time round,

I'm starting to doubt myself.

My actions, my attitude, my approach, my thoughts.

I wonder if this is what i want.

I wonder if this is what i should be doing.

I wonder if i should stop or carry on.

I wonder what is in front of me.

I wonder if i really knew what i want.

This is getting out of control.

Things aren't going the way i want them to be.

Things aren't how i thought they would be.

Things are just spinning out of control.

The more i know, the more i do, the more i talk.

The more i see the differences,

the more the truth deviates from my imagination.

Things just aren't the way i thought they were.

I think i will just stop once and for all.

Go back to how things were.

I'm more comfortable there.

:(

What a bad day in school.

What a terrible week.

What insensitive things i heard.

What irritating actions done.

What a lack of time.

What a lack of appreciation.

What a week.

vicious circle

Certain things i do not wish to see, to experience...

Happened again.

History always repeats itself.

Why didn't i learn from them.

It's all back to the start again.

圆圈圈.

When will i ever see the end?

How do i break free from it?

I regret doing what i've done.

But it's all too late.

Stupidity

Last week, a hacker hacked my hotmail, sent out stupid emails and erased all my contacts ( ie msn contacts)

This week..

Stupid me left my hp in the clinic coat when i took it off to send it to the laundry department.

Oh well...

No phone day.

I hope it doesn't extend to no phone days...

I hope Nurse Shida manages to find my HP...

It's ok if i don't get the phone back.

But i need my sim card and my contacts.

:(

But somehow,

I just can't stop laughing at my own stupidity.

:(

I'm so worried about my clinics.

SO many sessions lost cos my patients cannot make it.

Not only in perio, but also in removable prostho.

If this continues,

i don't think i can finish my requirments in time.

COnsidering the fact that others have finished like 1 or 2 cases..

and i'm redo-ing my cases since special term, ie, 2 terms ago.

WIth all the other work piling up...

Oh my..

i can't help but worry about clinics.

No time to study for tests is an issue.

Now i have UROP, Sabai too...

i wonder if i can cope.

But i tink clinics are the worse.

I hope i don't have to stay back another half a year.

I'm feeling kinda tired since i've been working non stop from 7am to 12am yesterday.

Today's kinda better since i get to enjoy a gd dinner.

But nonetheless, also another 12 hours of work.

But with my current work load and speed and status....

I need to work harder..

And that means.

I should be working now.

I hope to finish the 5 journal articles and do up my project by 3....

OOoooo

open my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flamers

I have never been so accused in my life before.

To do something out of good will and be scolded on a bright and supposedly cheery monday morning.

What a way to destroy my entire week.

On top of that, to be indirectly suaned by another person for not taking responsiblities for my own studies. wth.

If you're the rep, y can't u just inform us abt the difference in lect time when it's pretty evident that many pp will be unaware of it since we don't check the timetable and our timetable's always abt the same?!

ok it's out responsibility, yes.

But if you noe the difference and u're the rep, y can't we be informed of the differences? It doesn't take 10 years to send out an email.

And after i realise the changes, i sent out an sms out of gd will to inform the rest.

How would i know that 5 mins later u'll send out another sms?!

Then i got an sms asking me what i'm trying to do.

Wth.

your tone already made me feel like u can't be bothered whether we end up coming to sch 2 hrs earlier and there was no mentioning of sending out any smses to inform the class.

U tink i so much time to send out smses just to hint at ur incompetency?!?!

And i was questioned subsequently.

Y didn't i ask whether there will be an actual notification being sent out before i send any smses.

wad?

sending smses to my classmates to inform them abt the change is wrong too???

y don't u reflect on your tone when u spoke to me before u question me y i send the msges out?
since u said it's our own responsibility, ur tone already hinted to me that u can't be bothered if we turn up early or nt.

Why ask me how come i nv ask u before i send out any smses.

so ridiculous.

What's wrong with sending smses out to inform my classmates about something i know when it's wrt to other sub.

Other pp have done it too,

other pp have done it to me despite me being the rep.

I don't see anything wrong with that!

Information is to be diseminated ,who cares who's the news bearer?!

if u are so concerned abt what others think about u, then please do a better job!

to pretend as if nothing happen is just impossible.

How will u feel if u were accused and blame for something which was done out of good will?

it really doesn't pay to be nice.

Only certain pp deserve to be treated nicely.

what a way to start my week.

Halt

It's a crazy period for me.

So much to do, so little time.

I don't know if i can do it even.

On a side note,

I tink i should stop.

Halt. Think. Wait.

Patience is pretty important.

Overzealousness isn't always a good thing.

Patience.

Wait.

If the outcome isn't as ideal..

Close your eyes, clear your heart.

Let it go.

Things aren't perfect all the time.

:)

It's been a long time.

To come this far,

I don't know if this is the time to be experiencing this.

Whether is it going to be right or wrong.

I seriously have no idea.

But i'm enjoying myself nonetheless.

Embrace life.

I'm starting to understand what it really means.

I don't know where this is going to take me to,

but i'll like to give it a try.

:)

2 more years to go.

Get on with life. :)

I'll just wait and see what's the outcome!

It's been long time ever since i've felt so wonderful.

haha

My sch bag

I like it so much.

Bad decision to send it to the wash.

Now it's gone.

And i can't find another piece anymore.

And it's so ex somemore.

:(

My school bag is gone.

:(

Reprise

i'm gonna step out of this.

Bought new specs and new cd today.

my fave song for now.

A new way of singing by khalil fong.

NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU (Glenn Medeiros)

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long

With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong

Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go

(Chorus 1) Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you

(Chorus 2) Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love

(Chorus 3) Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star

I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too

Nice.

A new way of singing,

a new way of looking at things,

Totally different feelings to it.

Nice song.

??!

I can't believe this is happening.

So ironic.

Kinda disappointing.

But heck.

It's just a passing phase.

Everything will be normal..

I'll make it normal.

It's scary how time passes

feedback

I know i complain a lot.

I should stop doing so.

No matter how irritated, pissed, disheartened and pessimistic about certain things.

It only marks the start of a circle with positive feedback.

Things only gets worse.

I should stop indulging myself in self pity.

but nonetheless.

I'm quite irked by things easily

esp things that happen in school.

changes

I slept for about 7 houts in the past 2 days.

Kinda drained.

Anyway,

i'm seriously starting to doubt myself.

What i stand for,

what i claim to believe in.

I really think i'm becoming very hypocritical.

Either that,

Or i just have low EQ.

I won't be surprised if there are many people who dislikes me.

But i just can't bring myself to joke and laugh about matters when someone is being difficult to me and i'm not in the right state of mind to joke.

And i realise i dun hesitate to show my displeasure when i am in a rather un-jovial mood.

I realise i start to doubt a lot of things, events, happenings, people, intentions.

Even though they might nt be bad, but i just tend to think about it in a bad light,

and then start to think about how to protect myself.

I am in such a selfish, self protective mode almost everyday.

But if i don't, i feel so at risk.

i don't know why i'm feeling like this.

But i just do.

I now it's not good to be selfish, to doubt other's gd intentions, to think that everyone is up to something, to think that everyone does things with an agenda, with a motive.

I know i shouldnt' be thinking like that.

But i can't help but notice this change.

It frightens me more than anything else.

I realise as we age,

we lose our faith and trust in things, people,

we lose the ability to create humor,

to laugh at ourselves,

to be selfless.

And what we gain is cynicism,distrust,selfishness.

I don't want to be like that.

I will never want to be.

I won't be.

School

SO much work piling up.

Gosh i feel so suffocated.

Anyway, a comment to share.

From a friend many years ago when we were discussing about r/s during NE lesson.

" Be in love because you love the person, not because you love the feeling of being loved."

Something so true,

but yet many fail to understand.

A fine line drawn.

It's up to us how detailed we want to be.

Last thursday

"Many people are dying to get in here. If you don't want, you can leave."

Something my prof said to my class last thursday.

It struck me.

:)

" The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know" - Blaise Pascal

Found this somewhere.

It's kinda true isn't it?

Many times we don't think logically and yet we question ourselves why are we thinking like that.

Sometimes we know there is something to be done, but we don't do it, and then we ask ourselves why.

We may know the reason for doing so, but we ask ourselves why.

There is often no logical reason to many things.

It's what we think, what we see, hear and feel.

:)

this morning.

看见。

害怕。

逃跑。

然后装做若无其事。

好窝囊。

但。。。

很爽。

:D

Weekend.

It's been a nice weekend.

Doing nothing much.

but yea, starting to feel a bit guilty about it.

Anyway,

school tomorrow.

hai. :)

i'll miss the weekend.

I wonder how's the plane ride to Montreal for regina.

A super lousy day

Alright,

I had a bad day.

1.Patient decided not to come for dental treatment today. She's most probably never going to come back. And i am like halfway to finishing up her master impression to start the wax block to do her denture.

2. Had to call in another patient at the very last minute. And that includes checking my denture design, mounting up my primary casts and getting them checked.

3. Got a grade 2 for all my denture assignments (4 is the best, 3 is the usual grade). I got 2. and many of them. shitty.

4. Tried to take impressions for my patient. Only for one jaw. Tok me AN HOUR and i still couldn't get it. My assessor took for me. Oh well, It sat there for a while ( most prob have some distortion by then when i poured the stone.) Had a hard time from the assessor. Wasn't scolded, but i am sure she thinks i'm the lousiest student she's ever seen.

5. When i was pouring the stone, it set prematurely. I had to wash out the stone and guess what, it has hardened. SO bo bian, need to remove carefully under running water. Impression material most probably absorbed water by then. DISTORTION

6. Placed it on the bench top and went to get the stone powder. Partner walks in and knocks it onto the floor accidentally. Impression = 100% distortion and confirm gone by now. I don't blame her actually, cos inside my heart i knew it's gonna distort no matter what, and what she did most probably makes no big difference. She's my lab partner and i still think she's the most fabulous person in the class. without her i bet i'll be worse than shit in lab and clinics.

The worse of it all, it's my master impresson aka, working impression which i'm working on. so it needs to be accurate or else the denture made using it will not fit the patient well.

And guess what, i didn't take the facebow record due to lack of time and am told to go straight to fitting stage.

So it only means something.

a. everything goes well, trial wax denture fits well, everything is fine. tooth shade, tooth mould is well. all ok. sui sui.

b. after i've set the teeth up in wax ( which involves many other tedious steps that take eons to complete), it is unstable and rocks. GG. Scrape everything, retake impression, start all over again from 0.

And it's 90% the latter. I'll just pray hard.

7. Tried to trim some metal pins on ym pindex cast. Carborundrum ( carbon like disc which is as coarse as sand paper, but harder) disc slips while i'm stepping on the drill. Zap, and it cut my nail cum a bit of my nail bed.

Ouch. But heck. continue to do lab work.

How bad can my day be man. i seriously wonder. But sometimes, in dental school, we always believe that we have our good and our bad days. Good days are when everything goes SUPER smoothly and bad days are when what ever can go wrong, goes wrong.

Worse of it all, i feel so bad towards my patient, cos it's not comfortable for her to go through so many retakes. And it's definitely not her fault that the impression distorted. It is my fault and yet she has to bear the costs.

What a lousy day. hai.

Nvm, i'll make sure tomorrow's better.

My life now.

I think being a dental student has got no life.

Lessons from 8 to 1. Lunch from 1 to 2. Lessons from 2 to 5.

And not forgetting,

we need to stay back to finish up our technique work,

our lab work for our patients.

There is no time allocated for us to do our labwork for our patients,

Thus it only means that either we come early( which is not really possible cos they lock up the doors),

or we stay back in school.

Even when fridays end at 1pm.

But the sad thing is,

Lectures are so short, they don't cover much.

And we need to know stuff from year 1 to year 4.

But we don't have superb memory,

Thus,

we need to revise at our own time.

That is, when we reach home, during our weekends and whenever we have the time.

But sometimes,

We have lunchtime talks, lunchtime lectures.

And that means...

Lessons non-stop form 8 to 5pm,

Then lab work till 730 or 8.

I seriously think they assume that we feed on wires, acrylic resin, monomer, stone, plaster of paris, waxes and what not.

Yes,

that includes building a crown from drops of waxes, making dentures and bridges, ortho retainers etc etc.

Back home,

we need to read our patient files,

read up about our procedures, and revise stuff relevant about that patient.

Sometimes due to time constraint,

we bring our lab work home.

That's why we all have bunsen burners, waxes and what not at home.

And we need to look for our patients,

Call them up,settle their admin work.

And not forgetting the FYP research project due next march.

And sometimes patients do go MIA, or they just tell you last min they can't make it.

So there goes a precious clinical session and that = delay in work.

On top of that,

the multiple learning issues from assessors,

the tests,

the tutorials,

the attitude the staff give you.

Hai..

I'm not feeling sore about this.

Just that i need more understanding from people,

cos i always say that i'm not free etc.

I know certain people casts doubts whenever i say i'm busy.

But this is the truth.

And i'm starting to feel sore about it as i talk somemore.

Cos right now...

I need to read up on

Diabetes,
Hypertension
Lorsartan,
Metformin,
Glibenclamide,
Atenolol,
Nerve blocks.

For my patients tomorrow.

And before my week ends,

I better get my impression for denture ready, if not i won't be able to finish my stuf on time this year.

There's so much more to do..

So much so much..


I need MORE TIME.

US

I'm going to the US.

Short period.

Exchange.

Have been looking forward to it since year 1.

But now,

I have no feelings about it.

Just calmness.

Somehow i'm going with pp i'm not close to.

ANd i tink i need to adjust myself for that.

US.

North carolina.

Bring it on.

I want to be a university student again.

I want to enjoy going to the library, studying and reading on my own.

I want to enjoy taking the bus becos that's how it's supposed to be.

I want to carry my bag and an additional textbook in my hand.

I want to listen to ipod when i travel.

I want to live just lie an ordinary student.

I want to do well and be a responsible student.

But i also want to be a junior dentist.

I want to be like my profs.

I want to be professional.

I want to do as well as a professional dentist.

It all sounds too ideal.

But i will try.

Heh..

7 terms and 5 weeks to the end of the race.

Bring it on.

I want to do the best in all my clinical and assignments.

CR and MI

Dental school.

When CR no longer equals to MI, it's like your passions are no longer there even when you're doing what you aspire to do..

And CR/MI slide is when you start questioning what you use to think...

And non working side interferences is when people who aren't helping you anyway tries to give u interferences in your work.

when school takes its toll on me.

Recurrent caries: Are the things i fear. Hidden from sight and it eats you slowly from within. Just like my doubts about myself.

i need to find all the CR present, no matter how good the shade selection has been. Good things are often hard to find.

Finding them is like discovering myself once more, behind all the facade of dentine colour, enamel colour.

If only CR contains all the fluoride releasing properties of GIC , then perhaps recurrent caries won't even occur and eats starts eating me away.

But to begin with, perhaps it wasn't the fault of the CR, but more of the dentine bonding agents. Perhaps there was leakage in the first place, just like how my stand wasn't as strong to begin with.

That's how bacteria gets to seep in, and how recurrent caries can start eating me away.

I hope i don't ever need a crown.

Cos when that happens, it's when all hopes of finding myself again seem to be lost.

And i start wearing a mask to hide myself from the others and i forget how i look originally.

Recurrent caries can occur, if i continue to allow myself to lose me.

And it becomes a vicious circle, when what is left, the core, the crown prep, gets eaten away.

That's when i lose what is remaining, my morals, my integrity, my principles.

It's scary.

Cos ultimately, when the crown can't even stay on..

The tooth gets extracted.

That's when my mind dies, emotionally, mentally, psychologically.

I hope i'll never need a filling, and NEVER a crown.

I won't allow myself to be extracted.

That's a dentist's worst nightmare.

Marriage

Today,

a classmate of mine brought in good news for us.

He proposed to his girlfriend.

To be honest, i was kinda shocked that he has made up his mind, he has decided who to be with for the rest of his life.

At this rather young age.

But it was then i realise,

Hey, we aren't THAT young anymore,

The girls are 21, the guys are 23, it's also about time to start finding someone to settle down with.

And what more hongkong isabella yeung gave birth when she hasn't even hit 21?!

And she's like freaking younger than me? WTH.

but yea, anyway,

it just seems too scary for me.

At this age,

i mean seriously.... what do we know?

Marriage, ROM, give birth? huh?

What are we prepared for? Are we really sure? Is that the RIGHT person?

When it comes to this kinda things,

I get super passive.

I don't think i've enjoyed myself enough,

I don't think a relationship is gonna make a big difference,

I don't think i'll die without a boyfriend or when i get dumped.

I don't think i'll stand that kind of behavioural limitations,

I don't know what's so great about being in a relationship,

I don't know what's so happy to have someone else in my life.

I don't see the excitment or joy in doing things that ppl in a relationship do.

And most importantly,

I don't see myself being attached.

And i am not exactly comfortable with the idea of being attached. The thought of it turns me off hugely sometimes.

heh heh.

To sum it off,

I don't think i am ready for it.

I must say while i am in disbelief about this, i kinda envy him that he has found his someone.

And i've got to admit that i do feel the pressure building up.

But, at the end of it all,

I think my mentality has to change somehow, someday...or i can get ready to live with my cat/cats in for the rest of my life.

Maybe life is not all about teeth, saliva , tongue, drills and books.

but i guess the biggest change in the future is..

everything else minus the books.

Perhaps, who knows for sure.

Maybe i'll get married tomorrow.

Heh..

Wad a BIG 'maybe.'

Not even in your dreams.

Fat hope.

Meow.

And don't be rude --> I'm not a lesbian.

Graduation

I look at their photos,

taken during commencement.

And i feel really jealous.

I wonder how i will feel when it's finally my turn.

Will i be happy, sad or.....

Nonetheless,

It gives me hope.

And when things starts going downhill,

It's means it'll go uphill soon.

7 more terms, 8 weeks and 3 more days to go.

I feel happy for them.

School

School tomorrow.

Having this dreadful feeling.

Really kinda envy my friends from other fac,

They get to have ufn, join orientation camps etc etc and they're school hours are so much better than mine.

This is what i call university life man.

Mine's like a robot's lifestyle.

Routines.. and more routines.

And to complete the picture,

there're deadlines,lab work, technique work, numerous tests and scoldings plus attitudes to deal with.

Makes me dread school..

8 more terms.

I just can't wait for the 8 terms to be over soon.

Tolerance

I realise that i'm getting less tolerant of nonsense.

Ever since term 4 started.

Hols got a bit better.

But as the hols are coming to an end.

I'm getting less tolerant again..

Short tempered,

Low tolerance,

Serious.

Yikes.

Last week of hols

I think of school and i'm feeling damn stressed now.

It's just those kinda adrenalin rush.

And i keep thinking about clinics.

THey are the ones giving me the most stress now.

Cos i tink i suck at it.

Especially taking impressions.

Whatever that can happen in clinics, we can never be too sure.

so scary, and it doesn't help if the assessors aren't very helpful sometimes,

Some assessors' attitudes just makes me feel worse than i already am.

And so are some classmates.

Their kiasuism at rushing.. gosh... makes you super stressed.

Last week of hols.

Next week got test.

And i haven started studying.

This hols has been rather unproductive.

And i seem to be always tired.

oh no.

what a bad start for the term.

:)

All the 21st birthdays this year are making me so broke.

And on top of that, still got so much work to do.

So reluctant to settle ivorine tooth sales, cos it's in such a mess.

Tedious work.

Scary.

Still need to settle school stuff within this last week.

Ho ho ho..

YEAR 3 is starting!!!

8 more terms. 8 MORE TERMS!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAA


GO GO GO!!

Anyway, been thinking about things recently. Heh, i guess it's only during the hols that i get such a chance.

But yea....

At least i've got some time for myself finally and have dinner with my parents at home on a more regular basis.

When school starts,

I wonder how long it'll be before i get to sit down properly and eat with them on weekdays.

My new neighbour is moving in soon.

Well, the house is new and renovated within the last 5 years, but heard that they're going to renovate it again. Make it 2. 5storeys high.

That means more drilling, banging and what not directly next door and that is so undesirable.

I thought it's economic depression now. How come these people still got so much money?

Trees

A classmate once told me this:

"Here, the culture is such that the tallest trees are the ones that everyone wants to chop down.

The best way to save oneself is to be average and mediocre."

So true.

lazy

放假了。

心情很奇怪。

想出门，又不想出门。

懒懒的。

但又有很多事等着我去做。

可是却没心情。

天天在浪费时间。

不好不好。

time to start doing things.

disappointing

I've never gotten any calls from you when something so big happened at home.

Even after that,

You never called to ask how things were the the past few months.

You never remembered Papa's birthday.

You never celebrated nor initiated any birthday celebrations, i've been the one doing it.

Even when something so serious occured, you were the last to know.

Even when you knew about it,

so what?

You weren't worried at all,

All you talked about were your tennis matches, diving trips, travelling, work etc.

And now,

You're calling us at such late hours, more than 4 times to us...

Because you needed help.

You never called when you were needed the most.

You went on the holiday when we were still recovering from our toughest times.

And you think that money = care?

Do you think that money is all that we need, all that we care for?

Money is important.

But it isn't everything.

And it definitely doesn't = filial piety.

I'm so disappointed with you.

8 more terms!

After this week,

it means something.

8 more terms to go before i leave this place!!!

haha yeah!

but it's going to be an arduous 8 terms.

Friends

Certain things i did in the past,

i don't even remember.

But i'm surprised someone did.

Someone i treated as my frien, then and now still.

To think that something i wrote was kept even after so many years.

Really makes me feel very touched.

I never thought i left such an impact.

But i'm glad i was there,

there and then.

As a friend.

Then and now.

:)

Nostalgia

For me,

each phase of my life is kinda represented by a song.

One which i kept listening to at that period of my life.

As i move on onto another phase of my life,

I forget those songs.

And sometimes, when i chance upon them again,

memories of what happened back then,

how i felt, what i did, what went through my mind at that point in time

starts to reappear again.

Like a sudden gush of wind, sometimes sweeping me off my feet.

The only difference is, it comes with a tinge of gold this time round.

Perhaps all things from the past are stained with a yellow hue.

Some of these events are just stuck with me,

i guess for life, for good.

I don't know whether this is good or bad, but i'm not going to judge them.

They form a part of me, they are a part of me.

At different phases of my life.

Whether they are good, bad, sweet or bitter,

i hope they're here to stay.

It's through all these experiences, that i learnt and grew.

Nostalgia is such a funny feeling.

And it amazes me how a song is able to do just that.

:(

Had a long day in school yesterday.

Talked to some people in school and felt.. kinda upset.

As i was just starting to put down the displeasures and stigma about school and environment,

to welcome school and enjoy myself.

I had to be reminded of the cruel truths of life.

How people commit acts of selfishness,

how people's personality changed as they gain a new title in front of their names.

and how the environment is towards the better people.

One classic quote that stuck me was : our environment is not one that favours the best. It's like the tallest tree is there to be chopped down. The best is to be unnoticed, keep a low profile, and not try to grow to be the taller trees. staying average is the way of survival.

this is so true. and i felt so disheartened.

As i listened more to others,

i realised that this place is so full of politics that even hearing them makes me so tired already.

I'm just shocked at how:

- people will throw away the exam case inlay of their enemies so that they'll stay back another 6 mths.

- how people can get so agitated and wanna hit the other with a chair just due to staff booking.

- how people can take other's instruments and use like their own without permission ( this happened to me). this is so common that somehow we're all so numbed to it already. it sounds horrific, but it's part of everyday life tat i dun feel anything other than irritation and exasperation.

But i'm quite saddened by the fact that:

- teaching method is a top-down approach and i feel so stupid and perhaps no more than an amoeba.

- how people can be nice to people with higher positions and treat us like this, i mean come on, we're going to graduate and be colleagues with everyone else, dont' they even realise that?

- how we are treated like junk sometimes when certain lifeforms of a much higher order than amoeba talks to us in disdain.

- how certain people are always waiting for a chance to catch us doing something we shouldn't do, when the rationale for doing so is good, like practising extra after certain hours. I mean if my student is that hardworking, i'll be so glad to close both my eyes and walk away instead of feeling proud and happy that i've caught someone.

- how we have to cater to people's mood swings and be nice to them, talk to them with respect as they talk to us as if we're so stupid and useless.

- how we need to withstand rude remarks from people whom we're told to be nice to, when in the first place, we did not offend them, when what we did wad either due to goodwill or simply because we didn't know about it at all.

- or how we need to play along and act all nice and happy when we're having a bad day, or even week and yet have to withstand other people's attitude simply because they had a bad day too? I mean, we didn't do it to them, what gives them the right to do it to us?

- how we need to put on a mask as we talk and deal with others because we cannot afford to get into trouble with other people, because whether we can finish on time and graduate depends so much on them? i hate the feeling of being so dependent on someone and having to be at other's mercy when that happens.

- how when we are taught, we aren't taught properly, but were often given less than satisfactory lectures by certain people and are expected to read up. and yet at the same time, they can keep saying that they understand how busy we are and so on? Don't they realise that they contradict themselves?

I'm starting to feel what i feel again.

and at the same time, lose my passion and drive to go on.

this is something which worries me.

But it's certainly a thought which pops up ever so often.

Just that i no longer have the thought of going on and moving on and proving them wrong.

Somehow.....

i feel so tired already.

Updates

I realise i tend to judge too quickly.

Hmmm.

not gd not gd.

Anyway, school's really a bit draining nowadays.

Feel quite sian to think about going to school everyday.

my only motivation is to complete my lab work.

Dun exactly like clinics that much and tat's not gd at all.

My mind is finally freed of a little space.

All i need to do now is to settle more things and free up more space.

And right now,

I know i have 3 upcoming tests.

But bad news is...

i've yet to start.

Being the FP rep is something that i'm starting to dread.

:(

congestion

Ups and downs for the past few days or even weeks.

Facing a lot of different situations, different people, in different settings.

Talked to different people about different things.

There's just so much going on right now.

For the good, for the bad, or for nothing at all.

Dreamt of different things,

flying, childhood days, the past.

Felt different emotions,

nostalgia, fear, happiness, contentment.

I don't know what is going on too.

I'm kinda messed up right now in my own mind.

Thinking about so many things, so many, so many.

Sometimes i find myself just not thinking about anything at all..

but my brain still feels very congested...

I hope this phase passes real soon.

I can't take this for too long.

School

If school hours are longer. Lesson hours are shorter.

Then i'll have enough time to:

1. Do my lab work which seems to be never ending.

2. Read my patients files

3. call my patients

4. plan my clinics timetable etc

5. Do my job as a FP rep even better.

6. Read up my lectures

7. Revise my lectures.

All these.

Seems impossible to do now with the amount of time we have.

I end up spending most time in lab.

Hai

Ignorance

I enjoy school,

but then again i don't.

I don't know what's wrong.

I really don't what my mood to be affected by what someone does.

Or somebody says.

I am still learning to be ignorant.

Sometimes i do it so well, i feel so dao.

Sometimes i just wanna do it,

cos i'm so tired i don't know what to say,

no energy to say anything.

Sometimes i just want to stop seeing,

sometimes i just want to stop hearing,

stop talking.

and then get a gd rest.

recharge myself, and start being ignorant again.

I realise,

sometimes ignorant is bliss.

Knowing may not be beneficial.

Knowing only makes you think deeper, think too much, think more than what you should.

So i've realised that the best way is to not think at all.

Focus on my own work.

Selfish? yes.

That's y i'm trying to find a balance to it.
:)

school

Nowadays,

i'm starting to enjoy school more.

Knowing some of my classmates better,

having more friends,

and having a few good friends.

Much better than last time.

And we're all so busy,

time just seem to fly past.

And it's the end of the day before you know it.

Then staying in lab to do work till 730.

School's like my home nw.

12 hours in school. Wide awake with adrenalin.

And at home,

i'm only awake for a few hours before i'm back in school again.

Usually in less than 12 hours time.

The stressful part is not lab.

it's clinics.

cos we're dealing with patients,

and profs,

and most importantly time.

It's so scary..

Just like a rollercoaster ride..

always gives me adrenalin rush.

Hopefully school remains as enjoyable as it is now.

hopefully....

I pray that i won't be super stressed up esp when i'm the FP rep now.

It's a bit too overwhelming sometimes, and i always end up spending my first lab session of the week settling things for the class.

Ended up wasting a lot of precious time.

When i'm home,

i'm so drained i can't think properly.

Let alone revise.

and somethings happened recently, so i was kinda distracted too, but i guess i thought too much, too deep, made it complex that's why.

Luckily, it's all over now.

I hope i can continue to love dentistry,

no matter how much stress i undergo,

no matter how unhappy i am,

with clinics, with staff, with lab, with just anything.

I hope i'll love it till the end, just like the beginning.

Let me not lose the goal.

I will make it.

I will give my 100% and demand 100% from myself too.

No less.

6 May 09

Today,

we finally did it.

I did injections for my lab partner,

and she did it for me.

gosh..

I was so scared, my hands were shivering.

But after that,

i felt kinda shiok.

But then again,

i don't think oral-maxillofacial surgery is my cup of tea.

Today,

nothing much happened,

peaceful and calm,

just the way i like it.

Despite certain setbacks,

i guess i'm may be ready to face it all afterall!

Congratulations to myself.

Good Job done today.

I'm so proud of myself.

Determination makes such a big difference.

Not going to act like a weakling anymore, not to you, not to him, not to her, not to anyone.

Most importantly, not to myself.

Embrace it all.

:)

It's a no

NO!!

hahaha.

It's good to be normal.

SO tired after these few days

yes or no

Yes?

No?

Make a decision.

Courage

Give us the courage,

to face what that may occur,

what that may not occur.

To face it when things happen,

to accept it when things don't turn out the way i hoped.

Courage to accept the truth,

the untruths,

the lies,

the reality,

To accept things the way they are,

and ways they aren't.

And most importantly,

accept people the way they are,

accept them for who they are,

be it good or bad.

Embrace life the way it presents itself to me.

The good, the bad,

Courage to embrace them all.

Swine flu

The entire world is talking about the swine flu.

To be honest, i am worried too.

Since yesterday, tables have been set up at the entrance of FOD, security guards wearing N95 were there to ensure that everyone takes their temp.

Staff donned in yellow overalls, gloves and N95 masks were stationed there, taking everyone's temp.

For us, we need to take temp too or else we cannot enter the clinic.

As the Alert level increased from yellow to orange,

more changes.

First, we have to CANCEL all our patient appointments on monday.

And all subsequent appointments are to KIV.

News were told that if we are having fever, we'll be quarantined in school,

which i'm not sure whether is it a good or bad thing.

Some of us feel that it could be a good thing, cos we'll most prob be able to stay later in lab to finish up our work.

I have no idea what to feel about this entire issue,

just that to be honest, i am worried.

worried that SARS will repeat itself again,

worried that i'm in a high risk area and thus may bring the virus hm, esp when my parents' aren't in good health most of the time.

hai.

And to think that it has to strike when we're having the recession.

I really feel for Obama...

Perhaps, one day...

Certain things happen only once in a lifetime.

These things will not be and will never be.

For some reasons,

it is known from the beginning,

that whatever will be,

is deemed to be able to only form part of everyone's memories.

Other than memories,

they are not worth anything else.

Perhaps it's also because they are memories, something only to be able to yearn for,

that they are so priceless.

Perhaps one day,

All our minds will be so full of other things,

that we forget the little corners of our mind,

the little things that have occurred along the way,

that once brightened up my day as well as yours.

Perhaps one day, we will suddenly think about all those things again,

and that's when we'll all realise that we've actually forgotten about them.

Maybe that's when something priceless has already become worthless.

Perhaps... perhaps....nobody knows for sure.

random

Talked to my lab partner just now.

I'm really glad i've got her as my lab partner,

like, we've got quite a bit of common thoughts.

Oh yeah.

George clooney is so !!!!

hahaha

Charismatic.

To those having exams soon

Hey, to all having exams now,

goodluck, and all the best yeah.

It'll be over soon and then you guys can have your 3 month long break!

And by the time you return to school...

Year 3 already!!!

Jiayou and Goodluck!

Weird

It struck me today that i actually felt happy in school today.

Just today.

Never felt that way before.

I actually find myself looking forward to school.

I have no idea why.

But i hope this kinda feeling lasts.

my best present thus far

Got a wonderful present from veron via regina today.

It's really meaningful. :)

I appreciate it so so much.

Thank you so much veron. :)

...

Sometimes i feel that i'm really a bitch.

Oh well..

I guess i've been a bit too dao today, but really didn't feel like entertaining anyone else when i'm working on my own things, and not when i'm talking to others about things which are totally none of their business.

I wonder why some people just like to be so busybody, asking me why i'm doing this and that and sticking their heads in ( literally) when i'm discussing about my work etc.

Oh well.

maybe i'm just being a bitch, but it really turns me off.

heh, i guess i really shouldn't be behaving like that, before i turn more and more people off.

But then again,

I can't think of anything else to inform them that i'm not really ok with these.

And guess what, i realise my engrish is really bad.

Argh. shit.

Really, broken english, direct translation from chinese, poor grammar and vocab.

Oh my.

shit.

poll

Just taking a poll here.

I'll like to ask about the effectiveness of the new blog i've set up for my dentistry stuff.

If you think it's not bad. or it isn't useful, leave a tag k.

thanks

please help me publicise that blog to pp,friends, relatives interested in cheap dental treatment k.

thanks

dentistry undergraduate treatment

For your info, i've created a separate blog for my dental treatment stuff. You may refer your friends to it at http://dentistryundergraduate-wky.blogspot.com/.

I will try my best to visit the blog as much as possible. You may post comments there and i will answer them as much as possible, either in private or openly.

I did this separate blog so as to separate my personal and private blog(this blog) from that public blog. I feel that there is a need for me to separate my personal and private life and reserve it for those i hold dearest and not publish it to othesr.

I hope you will respect my decision for doing so.

I chose not to make this blog private to only chosen readers as i know there are friends who visit this place regularly and i do not want to make things tedious. I want to make this place exclusive to my friends only w/o having to create unnecessary hassle.

Thus if you will like to refer your friends to post questions or see what kinda of treatment i am eligible to provide etc etc please, please please just give them ONLY the new blog address which is

http://dentistryundergraduate-wky.blogspot.com/

Thus, i hope that nothing regarding this blog is mentioned in the other blog ( that is http://dentistryundergraduate-wky.blogspot.com/) so that my personal life is not viewed by the public and patients whom i may be seeing during my clinical years. This is to prevent unnecessary troubles and unhappiness which may be inflicted on anyone.

Thank you.

FYI, the below info can be found in http://dentistryundergraduate-wky.blogspot.com/ too.

But friends, if u want to sms me to ask abt dental treatment etc, still feel free to yeah, i wil try try try my best to reply asap the moment i get some free time.

hello friends, I have added the link below at the bottom right for your convenience. But it's only for you ok. thanks

Thank you very much for your understanding.

This is more information regarding dentistry undergraduate treatment.

We will first carry out a dental screening which will be checked by the professors, to determine the suitabilty of the patient for student treatment. This is to ensure that the students will not treat patients whose conditions are beyond their scope, or requires special attention( eg those with health probs)

This is done and endorsed before we can start treament.

Dental undergraduate treatment is much cheaper than outside, about 5 to 8 dollars per filling, 5 to 6 dollars for scaling and polishing respectively.
Consultation is about 3 dollars as compared to 15-20 dollars outside.

It is cheap, as we are not undergraduates practising under the liscense of our professors supervising us. They will step in when there are emergencies.

We will be working under the professors' supervision, thus each step will be checked before we are allowed to progress further. This is also to make sure that we do not produce substandard work.

The main criteria required of patients are:

1. Flexibility with time
2. Ability to wait for longer time
3. Able to come for multiple treatment

Reasons are:

1. flexibility with time so as to ensure that treatment does not clash with their work etc. And as our clinical time slots are fixed in the timetable, we are unable to change them to suit each and every patient, thus we seek your understanding.

2. Ability to wait because we need to spend time waiting for the professors to come over and check our work. Each treatment slot is about 2 to 3 hours( max), but the actual time will vary depending on the work being carried out.

3. Able to come for multiple treatment as we will be carrying our more comprehensive treatment ( eg, we will be treating gum probs of the patients before we do their fillings or dentures etc so as to ensure that the health of their teeth are gd enough for more complex treatment. This is also to ensure the longetivity of the restorations done.

It is best that the patient be able to come for all the sessions, but fret not, we will try our best not to let a patient come down for more than 1 visit per week. Subsequent visits will be arranged with the patients.

thus, the best candidates are housewives, retirees, self-employed personel.

if it's possible, i would like to ask for all of your help to help me spread the word around to
Your parents, relatives friends, your parent's friends etc etc.

I really appreciate all of your help.

Thank you very much.

If there are people who are interested, please pass me their contact numbers and i will talk to them more about it.

Alternatively, they can approach me via email or hp

kuanyee.wong@gmail.com ( not the hotmail one!)

91597464

Help

I am so scared nw.

Realise that we have a test next tues and next next monday.

Tell me.. How screwed up can i be?

And i've yet got much patients.

This is really really really bad.

No patients = wasted sessions = mad rush and extremely high risk of inability to complete competencies

Which can then = stay back.

Then it'll really be GG for me.

patients

Dear all,

Year 2 term 4 is finally here and this is when i will require patients to treat. So if possible, please help me ask around, your relatives, friends, parents etc.

First of all, i need to clarify on certain parts.

1. We will need to do a screening for the patients. This will be double checked by a clinician to make sure that the patient is suitable for student treatment.

2. Student treatment requires time commitment, as usually, the patient will be required to come down during the student's clinic sessions and thus, retirees, houswives, maids and self employed personnel are more suitable due to their greater time flexibility. A longer time commitment is required as we will need to ensure that the patient's oral health is brought to acceptable levels etc and that time is required as we may need to wait for the clinician to come over to sign our work before we can carry on with the next step.

3. In addition, it is to be noted that student treatment will be carried out and each crucial step will need to be signed by a certified clinician before we are allowed to proceed, thus be rest assured that we will not do a sloppy work. In the event of any emergencies, the certified clinicians will be there to assist and help solve the problem.

4. Yes, student treatment is cheaper than outside.

Please, if possible, help me ask around and see if there are people who will like to have dental treatment.

I know year 3 and 4 are going to be much much more stressful than the previous 2 years, but rest assure i will not anyhow do yeah.

There are a minimum no. of cases that we need to fufill before we are allowed to take our competency tests which NEEDS to be fufilled in order for us to be qualified enough to sit for the exams, so i really need your help to help me ask around for patients k.

If there's anyone interested, please give them my contact no and if possible, pass me their contact number as well.

Thank you for your help.

I really really need patients.

thanks :)

Results for year 2

Finally saw my results for this year.

Well, they withheld my results until i pay up my library fine.

Smart.

hmmm.

No feelings when i saw them, although i was kinda nervous when i clicked OK.

Then it was a mixture of feelings which seem to cancel each other out.

1. Happiness
2. Relief
3. Tinge of Sadness
4. Pinch of disappointment
5. Feeling of gladness that it's all over

Hmmm.

I really don't know what ot feel.

They are definitely NOT fantastic,

not excellent to the point of making me smile,

Not so great as to call for any more attention from other people other than myself,

Not so good to make me sleep feeling very relieved and happy.

Not as perfect to make me really happy for the rest of the week.

But i guess they're enough for now.

Well, i guess they really reflect the amount of work i put in so far.

I guess i shouldn't ask for so much when i didn't give that much to begin with.

I guess they are .....

Just nice,

Just Enough.

Anyway, as a final remark:

Why is my hair growing so slow?!?!

Last week of hols for last minute work

I can't believe this.

My hols are coming to an end.

Oh my..

I haven't really found any patients yet.

Don't know how i'll survive for clinics.

Shall attempt to rush out the stuff for school soon.

And perhaps familiarize with clinic stuff and brush up on background knowledge before school starts.

It's gonna be a long time before the next break which won't be much of a break.

Cantonese

Recently, i'm addicted to cantonese songs and hongkong drama.

Haha.

Just to share with you one phrase which i really like.

如果必需等到初夏雪花纷飞.

I find it rather poetic.

:)

It's time to return to my canto roots.

I miss my hair.

how?

shiok

Had a wonderful dinner last night. Laugh till i keep having hic-cups hahahahaha.

Anyway, saw the present that veron got for me and the letter/card.

It's so nice to get something like this. It's really the thought that counts and matter more than anything else.

Anyway,

Slept from 12 till 1.

It's been such a long time since i've done something like this.

Shiok. really shiok.

Was lookng through photos taken with my friend's DSLR.

Omg. there are so pretty.

And his house is so nice.... It's like... well.. he drives a BMW to school everyday anyway.

Haha.. yes. envious.

But nonetheless i think i have enough in my life already.

Maybe an additional DSLR will make it better. hahaha

But yea.

wait till i have the time to fiddle with these things

reunion

oooo my cousin told me she reads my blog.

:D

Anyway, just had dinner at my aunt's house.

Finally full house reunion after sooo long.

Feels just like the way it is when we were young..

How i miss those days,

If only we can turn back time.

Well, i enjoyed myself very much.. and that's how a good break should start with!

:)

Anyway, i find myself grinning from ear to ear that NJ has got another team going for ISEF again this year.

It's like.. how should i put it..

Perhaps it's becos siew and i were the first team from nj to go.. i just felt that it's like my baby growing somehow..

And i feel so proud to see juniors going for it too.

So far they've all gotten gd results.

How i miss the indianapolis days shopping like crazy and enjoying the cool breeze and cloudless sky all at one go.

Somethings, i guess are too precious to let go.

But these seem to always be the things we have to let go no matter what.

What is left are memories.

Intangible memories.

But i guess these are the things that makes everything even more precious than they already are.

New hair cut

I went to cut my hair today.

Shorter than my existing style and i feel soo good.

I guess its the stress building up leading to me feeling so shiok after that.

haha

Microb viva..

i think i screwed it up again.

Oh well,

things are just so different from last year.

Well, look on the bright side. it's finally time to get some rest. haha

i wonder

If you had to deal with death one day.

How will you face it?

Hmmmm..

If you are a mother and you know you're going to die soon.

What will you tell your children and how will you tell them?

If one day your spouse passed away,

What do you tell your children when they start crying for their mother?

I wonder.

Life is so precious,

treasure it.

microb viva

microb viva tml.

scared.

dun wanna waste it again.

save me.

Pathology Viva

i just screwed up my pathology viva.

great.

The prof was holding his head in his hand, then rubbing his face, pretty amused by my warped answers and i won't be surprised to find him marvelling at my creativity and malu-ness.

acute tubular necrosis is KIDNEY!! WTH. WHY DIDN'T I REMEMBER?!?!

And to think that i said hepatitis is infection and not inflammation of the liver. WTH WTH WTH WTH.

And that retinoblastoma question,

tumour suppresor genes,

tuberculosis qns.

WTH WTH.....

IF only i can go back and tell them i know what tubular necrosis is and causes of hepatitis is not only by virus and also that it is INFLAMMATION!

WTH.

really frustrated.

there goes one viva and one year's hardwork.

Thousand slaps to myself.

I feel like a bitch.

Long long entry

It's been a long long time since i last updated this page.

Anyway, this month, a lot of things happened.

First of all,

I've officially finished my 2nd year of BDS with my exams ending last friday.

Not fantastic, but extremely stressful to the point i thought i need some 1st generation anti-histamine such as dihydramine to treat my anxiety induced emesis.

results have been lousy and i feel so bad about it. Exams are so stressful and i don't think i did well. This year's questions were all kinda unexpected. totally not according to the TYS trend at all.

I didn't do as well as i ought to.

Yea.

Disappointment. what to do.. hai

Well, once again, my cat for injured, and he visited the vet, and burned another hole in my already very holey pocket. That's almost a thousand dollars by the way.

And now... at least things are starting to improve slightly at home,

Just that i hope my parents' health will be even better.

Then, my closest cousin ( i've got 2 closest one, one is already married) is getting married, so went around to look at wedding gowns.

And yea, i'm already booked by her and her best friend(also my goodfriend) to be their bride's maid. That means i'll be bride's maid three times and according to traditions, i think i can't be anyone's bride's maid anymore unless i am really not afraid of being single for the rest of my life. Cos apparently, if you're for more than 3 times, you'll be single and can only be bride's maid for the rest of your life and not a bride.

haha

Well..

Finally getting a break for sometime. feeling really tired for a long time now.

I felt so burnt out after this 2 terms, with the multiple tests and the exams. i just felt like i couldn't breathe anymore, till the point i felt like puking(literally) when i see the notes, till the point i find myself walking in circles in my room thinking of what i should do, to the point i just sat down and stared blankly and asked myself whether this is what i really want.

I felt so dis-illusioned and it's like what my cousin says.. i'm like a rubber band at the point of snapping. I just felt so so tired.

At some point in time i even felt like stopping everything and just go and do something else and not dentistry. Thinkng back, i can't believe i harboured that thought.

Sometimes i wonder if anyone still comes here and reads my blog.

But nonetheless, this is my blog. i guess i shall keep it going cos this is my way of keeping contact with my friends, so at least they know what is going on in my life.But i felt kinda hurt recently when someone made a remark about my blogging till the point i didn't want to blog anymore. Close it down, no one says anything, no one makes any comment, i revert to diary writing and that's it.

Sometimes i wonder why do others not see the reason why i'm doing certain things. I do things for a reason, i don't see the point of explaining everytime i do it. It's too tiring for me. I need a lot of freedom and not questioning about why i do certain things and why i don't. Or why i didn't do certain things etc.

My life, i hope i have the final say and i hope others respect my decision. I can't possibly be doing what others hope i'll do so as not to make anyone unhappy, and end up making myself unhappy.

I don't want to live under anyone's expectations, that kind of pressure, i can't take and i don't want to take.

Give me a cup, whether it is tea, coffee or plain water, i want to decide what to fill it up with, perhaps even not filling it up with anything.

I cannot be doing what others hope i'll do, i can't be doing what others expect me to do, what others want me to do. This is not my life when all that i'm doing is what others hope i'll do, i don't want to live in fear that when i don't do it, i'll need to give explanations, i'll need to apologise, or change my usual way of doing things, or my habits or that i'll just need to do certain things in order not to engage anyone's wrath when i know deep down i am not happy at all.

I feel so pressurized, i don't think i am even happy at all.

Sometimes certain things don't have a reason, don't feel like it, means don't feel like it. I like tea before bedtime, i know it's contradictory, but i like it the way it is. no reasons. i just feel so tired having to explain to detail to make people understand, and having to anticipate what rebuts i'll need to face and how to overcome them. It's too much for me and it makes me so so so tired.

sometimes life is just so tiring i wonder why do i need to do all these. Sometimes perhaps moving to somewhere where nobody knows u, it'll be better, get a fresh start, do things the way u want, cos there's no one to judge you, to question you. You lead your life the way you want. isn't that great? There're no restrictions, nothing.

People only see themselves when they do things. I am no exception, but it just makes me feel so tired that certain things which i do for others, they don't see it and criticise me for it.

I'm so sick of it. so tired of it everytime i think about it, till the point i don't even want to be reminded of it.

I don't know whether is it the current lifestyle that is making me so easily tired of things, or that what ever that has happened the past year.

For those who know what has been going on, regina, ash, siew, kaisiang etc.. thanks for being there when i needed someone the most and for keeping a look out for me to make sure i am still sane admist all the insanity. Somehow they know it's tough and have been listening to me all these while and seeing me through, and yet be so ever understanding when i can't meet them as often as before and respecting me for my choice, decision and need for personal space as well. I don't think it's an easy task to accomplish cos sometimes i don't even know what i want as well.

Seriously i have no idea how i got past this year, how i manage to bear with it all, be like usual and go to school like nothing has happened. Sometimes little actions like asking me how i'm doing makes such a big difference.

Also i'll like to thank veron cos she made me see so much better everytime i read her smses, her encouragment etc and it makes a whole lot of difference to know that someone is looking out for me in school in case i run into troubles again.

They told me they worry for me and frankly speaking, this is like the first time i hear my friends telling me things like this. And i felt so touched by the little things they do, like calling me now and then, smsing me, making a card and photoframe etc. :) They really make me feel that they think for me, my family, my overall being more than what they think for themselves, what they didn't get from me, what i didn't manage to fufil as a friend's role. ( somehow this sentence sounds weird, but nvm la huh)

They make such a big difference, i think school will be so intolerable without them.

Hopefully when school starts, nothing goes terribly wrong, especially when clinics start.

I guess this entire year has been so tiring i need a break. i need time for myself, i've hardly given myself any time ever since school started, i feel so deprived. I need time for myself, to relax, to think, to reflect, to just do nothing and spend sometime with myself and be absolutely comfortable with no one else other than myself and listen. I need to find myself again before i start losing myself and my vision admist all the competition, all the stress, all the pressure that life brings.

Like what ashley always tell me: i need to find my first love. i need to find my initial goal, my passion, my attitude, my drive for my passion.

I need to take some time off to let the haze clear up before i can see the stars and hear my own heartbeat once again.

Life is tough, but it's because we're tough enough to make it through that's why we're here.

:)

thank you

Had a wonderful birthday.

Not a super happening one,

But still, all the well wishes, presents, birthday cards made me feel so so so contented.

Special thanks to S19 peeps who never forget my birthday,

And to CSI peeps who made tonight so memorable.

And also to many many many many more who sent me birthday wishes.

I feel so fortunate to know them all.

Thank you very much.

:)

I really appreciate it.

There's too many people for me to thank personally,

so i hope they can all feel my heart felt thanks.

Thank you :)

Rainbow and 21st

I feel so contented to see the beautiful rainbow today evening.

Somehow it made my week seem slightly better.

Been feeling rather down for some time...

Kinda glad the rainbow's here.

:)

Marks the last day of my teen-hood.

Tml shall be the first day of adulthood.

Happy 21st to myself in advance.

T.T

I got another C for pharmaco.

Hai.

I don't know what i am doing.

anti-biotics

I am so dead for pharmaco.

I've just re-read my notes, though the test is over.

And i can only remember them when i look at them.

After that...

I recall only 50%.

Am i really that bad?

I studied since chinese new year till yesterday for today's test.

how...

I do not know.

Oh my. hai.

:(

I want to cry.

I really don't know what i'm up to ever since end of last year.

My grades are getting from bad to worse.

Then worst.

Today's pharmaco test....

I started VERY EARLY.

but i still couldn't remember so many things,

so much, so much.

I really don't know what is wrong.

Last year, never have i seen anything worse than an A-.

Now...

I'm seeing b- and C!

Working as hard,

But getting more and more stupid i guess.

So demoralising.

I know i shouldn't be concern about grades.

But if i don't even know the basics well...

what's there to talk about knowing other stuff.

And i admit i'm knowing much much less than i ought to.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

I am so screwed up..

Not even god can help me.

愛在

I like Fang Da Tong's songs.

But especially this particular one.

In this kind of evening,

this kind of setting,

with this kind of nostalgic feeling.

How nice.


愛在

買了菜 她跟他慢慢的炒著菜
他為她趕回家 走得快
愛無處不在 可是 呼 之 卻 不 來

小陽台 她拿走死掉的小盆栽
他對著啤酒杯 等下載
愛無處不在
可是 到 處 有 悲 哀
愛在 大街上 小路上 每個人海
誰卻愛在小島上 不願離開
難道 愛在不該愛的時候才愛
就算 百步以外 總有愛在 愛在

我愛在黃昏看誰的瀏海
妳愛在清早打誰的領帶
我們都要愛
偏偏無法同在 不能明白 只能夠期待
愛無處不在

那是愛
到頭來也發現 這是愛
流痕微笑的 都是愛
管它好與壞 總是 呼 之 卻 不 來

雪花白 永遠都渴望看 桃花開
梁山伯辜負了祝英台
在何年何代 總是 到 處 有 悲 哀

愛在 陽光下 燭光下 每點塵埃
誰卻愛在黑暗裡 不願離開難道
愛在不該愛的時候才愛
就算 百步以外 總有愛在 愛在

我愛在黃昏看誰的瀏海
妳愛在清早打誰的領帶
我們都要愛 偏偏無法同在
不能明白 只能夠期待
愛無處不在

從來微風都靠樹枝搖摆
從來種子都靠春泥破開
所有人世間的美好 都存在
就算看不到都 依然存在
在意料之外

我的女孩 妳快走過來
愛在期待 (愛在 愛在)
無處不在
我們無處不在

愛

我愛在黃昏看誰的瀏海
妳愛在清早打誰的領帶
我們都要愛 偏偏無法同在
不能明白 只能夠期待

我愛在樓下找誰的門牌
妳愛在途上靠誰的胸懷

我們都要愛 偏偏分開無奈
不能明白 只能夠期待愛
無處不在

English(engrish) vs chinese(cheena-pok)

With the cessation of GP in 2006.

It spells the end of horribly days for me.

But it marks the start of poor grammar and vocabulary days.

Help.

i really can't speak proper engrish without making !!! grammar errors.

And i am so turned off by it.

Engrish.

hai..

I shall speak more Engrish and not be a cheena pok.

Malu-ed

A funny accident:

表姐：哇，你看那辆摩托车，那么big!! should be a harley i think.

Me: WA. so big... what motorbike is that?

表姐: dunno leh, might be a harley or a very very big bike.. not sure. but must be a very big bike.

表姐夫 assumes that it is a BIG motorbike.

表姐夫：是咯，好像 tank！is it traffic police motorbike?

我：哇，1， 2， 3， 4， 5， 6。 有六个灯！！！

大家便在车里议论纷纷，讨论为什么那辆motorbike那么大。

As the lights turns green and we drove nearer, we all went silent.

Then all of us burst out into laughter.

WAH LAO!!! SIAO LIAO!!!

There was a car behind the motorbike la!!

What we saw were the front lights of the car, as well as the front lights of the bike.

From our previous view from across the traffic junction，the motorbike looked as if it has six front lights.

The bike, as you see, was right in the middle of the car's framework, thus it looked like there's 6 lights.

表姐: .wah lao.......( and she went silent) (cos she's too malu)

Me and 表姐夫: WAHAHAHAHHA. wth. siao la.. that angle really lor, none of us saw the car.. chey.. tot what... ordinary bike la... we were still guessing dunno what, tank-like-bike, traffic police etc etc..)(*@(mailto:!%5E$&%5E@&#@*()*!(#&*(@^$@*&$#_(@*&*(Y$ and on we continue as we commented and laughed at 表姐.

Chey...

Wa lao...

Malu leh..

In order to protect the identity of those involved and to maintain confidentiality.. the parties involved are named as 表姐 and 表姐夫 and me.

HAHA!

papers and more papers.

This year..

full of 21sts.

Hai.

Sad thing is,

i don't even get to celebrate mine.

Tentatively, only a small get together with some SOW pp after like.. hmm almost 1.5 years i guess?

my goodness.

I don't even get to celebrate with my cousins nor my family.

Unless you include books and papers and notes and stress.

Maybe it's a sign i should include them as my family members.

It falls on 26. and holla. 2 end of module tests then.

And then.. 27. holla. more to come.

then 2nd. holla! extra lessons and 3 hr test.

Then.....

HOLLA!!!

4 BIG PAPERS.....

right...

they say last sem was suppose to be the worst in entire 4 yrs.

I don't agree.

This sem is the worst.

Desiderata

'If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.'
-Desiderata

I love this.

So true, yet so tough in today's rat race.

Perhaps putting down all these burden is the way to make life more beautiful and enjoyable.

Perhaps being ordinary is good too.

But how do you draw the line between being comfortable with being yourself and being complacent?

How do you not succumb to external pressures?

How do you retainyour own dignity when people digs at your mishaps?

hmmmm.

i wonder.

i seriously do.

I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

I guess i'm still trying to take a look at our own grass patch before looking at others'

weekend

What a weekend.

Wasted a lot of time.

Shitty.

If only weekends are longer,

exams are not so soon.

Fewer tests.

Life will be much better i guess.

Injured cat episode 2

My cat got injured again.

&*(&@&^&$@.

This time round, his skin got ripped off again.

Only that it's nearer the tail than before and smaller as well.

1 cent coin size.

But still..

Heartache ah..

Hai..

Things just doesn't seem to be improving this year somehow.

Bad things seem to be happening rather often.

Good things not as much.

:(

Nvm... i shall try to be more optimistic.

Stick to my new year resolution.

Stop whining.

Fireballs

I marvel at my own naive.

I marvel at the selfishness of human beings.

I am awed by the rudeness of people.

As well as how easily i TRY to trust people.

Luckily life has its own ways of helping us see things,

like the lights that light up the streets at night.

You see the TRUE COLOURS of people.

Somehow i am still puzzled at why i trusted him when my intuition right from year 1 told me i should stay away.

Luckily whatever happened yesterday woke me up.

I must have been blind.

Luckily i've made my stand clear,

And made my voice heard.

This SHALL NOT happen again.

I need to be assertive and STOP being BO CHUP.

Cos i realise when you bo chup, others think it is alright to do these things to you since you never seem to get angry.

I have a temper and a attitude.

And i am no longer afraid to show it.

I have had enough.

I am not going to be miss goody good shoes anymore if they ever step on my toes again.

I am not going to care what they are going to say behind my back like the way they talk about others,

no am i going to be afraid to tell them how i feel, STRAIGHT IN THE FACE.

But yes,

i will be assertive, NOT agressive.

Nor will i stoop to their level in an attempt to boost my own confidence like how they try to make their sad soul feel better about life.

I have what i need, i have what i want.

I don't need to see how to, nor find ways to make myself feel more comfortable about myself.

I've had enough.

And i am pissed off.

Luckily, i have fantastic friends supporting me all the way,

Sometimes i really wonder how i'm going to survive without them.

Goodnews is...

FOD is going to move.

To containers at the carpark near anat hall.

Closer to science= closer to friends.

THAT is good news.

I can't wait to graduate. Once i graduate, i WILL NEVER LOOK BACK AT ALL.

I won't even miss these days or anything at all.

In fact, the earlier i leave, the happier i will be,

Just like how happy i am when i'm having hols cos it means ZERO OF SCHOOL.

I am looking forward to 2011.

Bad day

Today is just one of my worst day in school ever since school started in year 1.

I finally find the reason NOT to give anymore chances.

And i finally have decided that i shan't try to please anyone anymore.

When i don't recieve the basic respect a person should have.

When i don't have the right to my own privacy,

When i feel that i've given enough chances and enough is enough.

When there can be people seeing things happen and yet not stand up for me and try to side the culprit.

When the trust is broken, MORE THAN ONCE.

When i see only selfishness in their eyes.

But it's times like this,

I am glad i have people around me to make a bad day much better,

To make my anger, sorrows, exasperation diminish to 50% of the original level,

To brighten up my day.

Thank you. :)

P.S: thanks veron! i felt so much better after reading ur smses. :)

School....

I wish i had more time.

I wish i hadn't slack my hols off.

Maybe i shouldn't even have gone to cambodia.

Now...

Mad rush for time to revise, lab work and upcoming tests before my exams in 4 weeks time.

Help.

i'm sp gonna die for pathology. it's so foreign to me.. and reading it is like so demoralising.

Pharmaco... Antibiotics and adverse drug reactions are killing me.

Microb.. Bacteria names and etc. AND IMMUNOLOGY! OMG.

Dental materials, components, properties, advantages, disadvantages, manipulation technique, name, mechanism of action.. Oh my goodness.

Not to mention

radiology test, endodontics test, DM practical test, Perio..so screwed up for it.

And my RP, still yet to finish my denture and special trays and immediate denture.

ITC: all my preclinical prerequisites. I doubt i can finish on time to start clinics. Oh no...

And i need to start looking for patients now.

yes...

If you have loads of dental problems, need a crown, have gum disease, decay, and what not...

Or know someone with these,

Please help me keep a lookout for them.

The worse the condition, the better.

But that is subjected to having the time to come for appointments which could be rather frequent. Time is an issue for many, as well as the commitment.

Cos many patients do disappear and that means we need to start ALL OVER AGAIN.

Treatment plans are usually sequential, that explains why we need patients with loads of problems, and loads of time, so we can do sequential treatment to ensure high efficacy of the treatment results and lower risks of prolapse of dental conditions.

Best candidates, retirees, housewives, maids, friends, students, parents, elderly.

Student treatments are usually cheaper than outside and fret not,

Our work needs to be assessed by our doctors and professors before we are allowed to proceed with each step.

That means, don't be afraid that we'll give you substandard work. We'll be rather screwed up with the profs and asked to redo before delivering it to the patients.

So.. keep a look out ok?

:)

Thanks.

Panic

I'm starting to feel the stress kicking in.

This is so not fun at all.

Last year this time, i know my stuff at my fingertips. well more or less.

This year this time...

I'm still trying to figure out what i've learnt.

Yeah like what my cousin in law says: That bad ah"

It is.

Help

obesity

Perhaps it's because i haven't went ot pai tai sui ( as what jiaqi says).

Somebody( random OBESE kid) scolded me bastard for no apparent reason yesterday.

Wth.

I was just walking beside him at the cashier's counter and made sure i didn't knock onto him or anything leh.

Well, I didn't really bother, going to the toilet was first on my list.

After i came out, i stood and looked at him and shook my head.

" Hai... predisposition to hypertension, diabetes, stroke, acute myocardial infartion, glaucoma, gangrene."

Wait a min..I wasn't cursing him.

Just trying to make myself feel better that i shouldn't be too bothered with someone with possibly so many troubles to come.

Just trying to be nice, to myself and er.. without really saying mean things to him or doing anything mean.

I feel really ,much better after that.

Luckily he was standing too far to hear all these.

Oops.HAHA

。。。

听说龙在09年的财运不好。

我的年还没便领教到了这一点。

笨猫又病了。

发烧。

唉。。。

又要花钱了。

真是破财消灾。

该去拜拜，por bee por bee loh.

first day of school

第一天，

顺顺利利。

Although 有人 irritate 我。

Well, as usual.....

But bo chup is the way。

I'm loving it. haha!

come on。

顺顺利利。

好的快点来，坏的不要来。

Por Bee Por Bee.

:)

Fight of the Ang Baos

Me: Eh mama. i show u something.

flips over my pillow and shows her a few ang baos underneath

Mama: 你在做什么？做么把它们放在这边? 发神经阿？

Me：没有啦！lixia 讲把红包放在这边，过了新年才开，会LUCKY 吗。

Mama：你有病啊。

Me：神经病。

I turn to look at my lap top and at the back, she is making herself busy opening my ang baos.

I turn back in horror.

Me: 你做么开我的红包？！！ 不LUCKY 了！！！WHEY。。。。。我的LUCKY都跑掉了啦。Wa Lao。。。

Mama：哈哈，看你的红包，chey。。　才一点点。

Me: 本来可以多一点的，lucky都跑掉了，没有了lor.

last day of my long weekend

I can't believe that the long weekend is coming to an end soon.

This is so annoying.

Tml need to go school again.

Start of another dreadful school week.

Good thing is that it is rather short.

Let it end soon.

I can't wait to graduate.

Somethings just don't change.

But i guess i want to change my outlook in life.

Whatever good that comes, i shall welcome it.

Whatever bad that comes, i will overcome it.

At the very least, bo chup.

I LOVE to bo chup.

Love it like nuts. haha.

And most importantly,

DO my best.

And whatever i get, be thankful cos things could have been worse and most importantly...

DON'T COMPLAIN.

I hope i can do this though.

Hope... hmmm. i think i try la hor.

Cannot achieve means bo bian also lah. haha!

Somehow i'm quite sick of complaning and whining and whining and whining.

I mean yea, i do get that momentary satisfaction, but then again, i'm just making myself look like a bitter old man.

Woman i mean. Oops

Ok, that shall be my new year resolution.

STOP WHINING AND ACTING LIKE A BITCH.

But then again,

I rather people treat me with more sincerity.

Whatever the case. 懒得管哈!

好的快点来。

开心天天在。

坏的不要来。

坏人快滚开。

笑口要常开！

Por Bee Por Bee.

Happy new year.

Let us welcome the brand new school day with er.... joy.

Yeah. "joy"

Spell with me.

J-O-Y.

don't forget your punctuation marks.

"J-O-Y"

:D

Oh yeah, one more thing.

财源滚滚来！

HUAT AH!