2008/2009

It seems like the past is coated with a tinge of golden yellow, and like expired radiographs, they are slowly fading.

I don't know what i am holding onto, and i don't know what i am looking forward to at this point in life,

last few hours before another year passes me by.

It seems to me that as i grow older, days become shorter, years fly by before you even realise.

Many many things have happened this year.

Some for a reason,

Some without a reason.

Some were good,

Some were bad.

Things got better, things got worse.

Things to learn, things to re-learn, things to never learn.

People have crossed my path in ways more than one.

Some have been here and will be here to stay, i know.

Some people have wandered in unknowlingly,

i don't know whether they will wander off, or when they will wander off.

Some people have entered unknowingly, and have left with footprints.

Some have entered intentionally, and have left a trail of broken twigs and plucked flowers.

Some entered, and have removed the weeds and planted seeds which will bear fruit and flowers in the years to come.

A brand new year,

hopefully things will turn out much better.

Nobody can predict what will happen, good or bad.

Just hope that i can take it in my stride no matter what.

Be yourself,

stay truthful, honest, righteous and do nothing wrong.

To yourself, to others.

Embrace life now.

Be happy.

Hello 2009, goodbye 2008.

:)

Nothing beats:

1. coming home late and seeing your family members or cat waiting for u at the doorstep.

2. Your cat following you and pestering you for a hug.

3. Your cat waiting for you outside the bathroom door and sleeping outside the door.

4. Your cat lies against your body as you stroke it and looks up at you.

5. Food and more home cooked food and soup. slurps

6. Snuggling in your bed after a hot water bath.

7. Listening to the radio and reading with only the night light on.

8. Watching TV as a family after dinner.

9. Feeling of no more tests. absolutely stress free!!

10. Waiting at the airport to check in your baggage for a holiday trip.

11. Sleeping till your wake up naturally.

12. Cooking together with your parents.

13. Home sweet home.

Perhaps that explains why i prefer to stay home than go out.

Ooooh.. if only holidays are longer...

stay at home kid (SAHK)

I just want to stay home more often than i've ever felt.

I don't know why i'm feeling this way,

But i just want to stay home and not go anywhere.

Laziness?

Maybe,

Or perhaps i just want to relish the good times before school starts.

NJ days

I miss those NJ days.

Looking back at someone else's photos.

OMG.

i miss those days.

Somehow things seem to be a blur now thinking about it.

I can only manage to recall bits and pieces of those times.

Somehow those days seem so far away leh.

tired

I think i am really getting old leh.

Been feeling rather ill and restless.

It's like i just want to go home and rest kinda.

Tired tired.

Waste my money taking some influenza jab.

...

apt

So true and so apt at this point in my life.

Speech by JK Rowling at the Harvard Graduation in June 2008, on 'The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

".'.. so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

''It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. "

''The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. "

''...personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, ..."

''As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters."

lol

I can't help but snigger when i heard that the other 3 dental guys who went sabai came down with food poisoning.

LOL.

Pai seh.

But i was just not advantuorous enough to eat snakes, crickets, tarantulas and what not.

LOL.

Somehow coming down with the flu bug seem so much better.

HAHA.

ZOMG. this is freaking funny.

Flu bug

Down with the flu bug since last thurs.

ZOMG.

I literally slept my days off.

Hopefully it's not serious.

But it's just so not productive to feel soo lethargic and weak.

yeah.

Feeling like a wuss now.

Christmas

After 1 year,

Christmas is here again.

Somehow i still dread and dislike.

Feeling the same emotions i felt last year during this time of the year.

But now, it's slightly more tolerable.

I guess it's after what i've been through at Cambodia, since it's just like barely 24 hours since i've reached singapore.

Christmas.

Somehow isn't as merry for me.

I dunno why too.

Don't ask me.

sabai

I'm starting to miss cambodia and the children already.

I guess i may be going back again after all.

Cambodia part 1

day 1: reached teuk thla and settled down at the house where we're suppose to stay at. it is way better than lokun and a bit unexpected. Many children were running around and while the meddies went to set up their clinics, we went out to buy more toothbrushes and toothpaste. Went to orussey market and man. it' s like a big market and we just walked around looking at the stuff sold there.

for the rest of the days, we played with the children adn had fun. They are all so loving and we absolutely have no problems playing with them. It's like.. u can be walking and some kid will just run up and hug u. The sisters and teachers are very nice as well. it's like.. i dunno, i just felt that the school is filled with lots and lots of love.

It's something i've nv felt before in any of our local schools thus far. Our schools are like simply education institutes and not schools. It's at teuk thla where i really experienced what a school is.

We had lots of fun teaching and playing with the children. The children were like grooving to the music and we just joined in. Halfway, one of my friend ripped his shorts cos the kids were pulling his shorts and he squat unknowingly. HAHA

Then, we simply grooved along to the music for abour 2 to 3 hours? the teachers had fun too and kids were either grabbing us, pushing us to the floor to kiss us, climbing all over us, hugging us etc etc.

They are all so sincere and innocent. The kind of feelings that i feel when i'm with them is different from the kind of feelings i felt when i deal with local children. It's like worlds apart and i am already missing my times with the children there. They ARE REALLY children with a childhood. although i know that they may nt necessary be living in the best conditions, but the kind of contentment, happiness, warmth, joy they have simply spreads to you and fill you with lots and lots of love.

In singapore, i'm not a kids' person. But there, i just loved every moment i spend with the children.

The place is very breezy as well and i spend most of my free time either playing with the children, or just sitting down at the court or hall and enjoying the breeze. We all agree that we will never have the luxury of doing such things back in singapore, that is why all the more i enjoyed myself. It's not like being emo back in singapore, but over there, it's all about enjoying life.

Enjoying life there and then, relishing my life, enjoying every single second, minute that i have.

It's like just simply experiencing the moment, the present, there and then, without anything to worry about, without anything to fret, to think etc.

It's really enjoying life at its best.

Every single moment of it.

I really don't know how long more i'll have to wait before i get to enjoy such activities again.

The only thing i was pissed about is that i fell ill.

That totally ruined my day.

I hate the feeling. and the worse part is that i fell ill almost on the 2nd or 3rd day.

so i was like stoning, expressionless and slow.

Lethargic and easily irrtable at the slightest thing.

But i guess it's just nice there, it's still much more bearable than compared to singapore.

But nonetheless, i won;t be surprised if there are pp who mistook my expressionless-ness as being pissed. Well, in actual fact, i am.

Pissed for being such a wuss.

Shopping is good.

Cos i've been there before,

so i bought little, mostly books about their history and a few toys for nephews and niece.

The best souvenir i got was a small pot.

It's something so local, something that i've been wanting since lokun, but have been unable to get hold of, cos it's soooo local, pp don't sell them.

BUt luckily, one of the school staff knew i wanted one, so she gave one to me.

It's something i really like. my most treasured souvenir of so many trips.

Cos it cannot be bought by money, it's hand made by the locals, given as a gift by a local and is unique in all ways.

Just like the experience and the trip itself.

:)

back

Finally back from Cambodia.

So many things experienced,

so many things learnt.

About life,

about humanity,

about love,

about selflessness,

about sacrifice,

about warmth.

A totally overwhelming experience,

enriching, inspiring, motivating.

So many things i've felt but are unable to write them down in words,

so many things i've thought about,

experienced,

reflected.

Such experiences taught me about life more than anything else.

一个了旅途的开始，

一个旅途的结束。

是另一个路程的开始。

cambodia

Off to cambodia i go tonight.

Hopefully all will turn out well and fine,

everything'll be smooth and everyone'll have a gd time, make gd friends etc.

Hopefully all turns out well and my worries are just the results of being overly paranoid..

Somehow i can't type in proper grammar etc.

pardon me.

pray that all goes well.

Interesting stuff i noticed

Veron commented that Yousuke's teeth looked sharp and pointy.

haha.

Dentist's delight.

Went to take a look at it in detail..

WAH..

He's got a peg lateral incisor.

That is,

Malformed lateral incisor,

usually genetic cause.

That made his lateral incisor look smaller, and hence pointy,

Since it is next to his canines which are pointy to begin with,

He has a very carnivorous look.

Viola.

Haha.

This is what we call: Microdontia.

Usually, words with a dontia relates to teeth.

Alternatively,

He might have 2 primary/deciduous( laymen terms=baby) lateral incisors which are not shed and retained.

thus, they look smaller, cos baby teeth are generally smaller.

P.S: lateral incisors are the 2 teeth next to ur 2 central big teeth, one on each side.
Dental notation, we call them #12 and #22 according to quadrants.

Wooohoooo..

hahaha

itch

This part of my palm and little finger is itching.

But i cannot find the exact spot to scratch.

This is so irritating.

ARGH

bird

Bird: #(@*#(*#()@*( basically just loads of noises and sounds)

Me: Whey whey whey. Don't be so noisy!

Bird: &#(@)*#(@*#

Me: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEY. SHHHHH.

Bird flies away.

peace resumes.

guneng

Looking out of the window,

i saw this lady,

who knows what she's doing, staring at my cat from a distance,

then standing there, dunno wth she doing.

then as my cat walks away, she walks away too,

then stopped to look at fatty,

then walk away.

Oh my goodness,

if she dare to touch him, i'll shout from my window and say:

" bloody lady dun u mess with my cat!"

lol.

luckily, fatty's got 4 legs and he's a big hum ji.

so he'll run away before i do that.

and now,

i hear my neighbour calling my cat's name..

bloody freaked out...

wth is he calling my cat and how the hell he knows its name?!!!

OMG.

guneng u better be able to differentiate who is ur owner and nt be a traitor,

later he feed u to his dog,

though i noe the dog's smaller than u. HAHA

puny and scrawny dog with 2 pigtails. HAHAHA

i bet the dog has identity crises.

haha

i'm nt biased against dogs.

lol

TV shows

It's amazing how watching this new korean medical drama can inspire me to continue working in the years to come,

Well, i've been rather addicted to little nyonya for some time now.

But i think that Qi yu wu should be replaced by that jap photographer instead.

I just don't really fancy that Q guy.

Nonetheless, i've been munching on some nyonya kueh for sometime.

woohoo!!

Bring on the KGs.

Will try and shake them off in cambodia.

WAHAHAHAHA.

give me a dozen more kuehs man.

And well, i think my dad kinda likes rainie's new taiwan drama on channel U.

Heh.

starstruck i guess.

Well,

I'm so motivated by the korean drama!

haha.

TV shows are good.

mumbai

Tuesday is the day.

Going CAMBODIA AGAIN!

Somehow after the mumbai bombing etc,

i keep feeling and having morbid thoughts for the past week.

Alamak. choy choy choy.

But then again, what if?

The what if is always present.

Hai..

Let there be no mumbai-like tragedies again.

I wan mambo.

phone phone

I seriously need to get a new phone.

Totally sick of switching from phone to phone becos i've lost my contacts.

Then realising that there are unread msgs in THE OTHER phone?

Bloody shit

And at the same time be scared of blasting my fingers off with that N80 lousy pok.

New phone by this week end i swear.

An ugly, durable phone which 'll love residing in my bulging pencil case

*#()@*#()@*# WAH LAO NO.2

I cannot believe how rude she can be.

Hello,

this is my home, at least RESPECT ME PLEASE.

We gave u enough freedom, much more than what others give their maids.

I bet even if you choose to fly to the moon and see if neil armstrong is there,

or hold a party at home to welcome martians to earth,

my parents won't give a damn about it.

At least we close BOTH eyes when you talk on your phone daily as and when you wish,

Wa lao, ma jiam bak jiu pak jiao.

I know my dad is a stamp collector,

but i never expect my family to bak jiu tiak stamp.

NOT question you when you took more off days that you're supposed to.

IF you think i have a problem with my math,

I guess you are wrong.

Don't make me use algebra to trump you and show you basic MATHEMATICS.

When i can use my fingers and count perfectly fine.

Excuse me, i pass my maths ok, if you think i'm such a dim wit who doesn't even know that there are 10 fingers on my hand.

And please

At the very least,

Give me a decent reply when i'm talking to you nicely.

I don't expect such rude replies and NOT EVERYDAY.

And please, stop questioning me and telling me what to do.

My home is not a montessori although i know there are many around in this estate.

I don't need diapers anymore ok, i use the loo and i clean up.

At least i make sure i clean the toilet AND THE TOILET BOWL.

NOT ONLY CLEAN THE FLOOR AND NOT THE TOILET BOWL.

At least i can differentiate the toilet bowl which needs daily cleaning apart from the fish bowl or my own rice bowl.

This is my home and i know what i want to do and should do.

I don't need someone to tell me and QUESTION ME?!

Not interrogation leh, aunty.

Or that i should do this or do that.

Come on, you think wad?! Play school ah.

You think playing role reversal is fun ah.

And bloody stop acting in front of my parents.

MY house is not victoria concert hall or explanade.

At least i know that my roof is FLAT and not spiky.

Act friendly and show concern to me then be rude to me when nobody's home?!!

Thank you very much, but i don't fancy domestic abuse,

not when i feel like i'm the target.

I'm damn bloody pissed i need to get this off my chest.

One more time and i'm gonna kick up a big fuss at home.

IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS AND YOU TELLING THEM TO CHANGE THE MAID!

YES..

Change THE Maid.

Seems like mission impossible.

But nevermind,

i like being 007.

Who cares, since my house is esplanade.

ARGH!!!

I'm petty, but i cannot take it anymore!!

argh argh argh..

WAH LAO *()*@#&@*$

I don't know why i've got so much to do for project as compared to others.

Wah lao..

somemore the 3 objectives is so hard to find stuff one lor.

GREAT....

i dunno why i tio the 3 while others got only 1 to do.

wa lao.

i tot i said i can help out, but like ALL COME UNDER ME?!

WAH LAO!

Bad- mood on top of my bad mooded day

？

想了又想。

等了又等。

就是不知道要干吗。

矛盾的想法，

矛盾的心情。

也不知知己在做什么。

就是发呆。

头脑时不时便一片空白。

时间虽然一直在走，

但我脑子里的时钟停住了。

FP test

I have no idea what kind of friendship you call this.

I hope it was just a matter of fact that you forgot.

But this is the second time this has happened.

And i find it hard to find trust in this.

You said you will help me, but what i find somehow tells me otherwise.

If it was made known that i won't be available during the feedback session,

and that important info like super obvious info was made to the class.

NOBODY SAID A SINGLE THING TO ME.

SO i guess almost whole class knows that *** is coming out EXcEPT ME?!

THanks a lot man.

right,

and i have to realise it on the day of the test when i overheard other people talking about it. 30 mins before the test.

And i had to ask again and what those people who knew my reason for absentism was:

"Huh? U were not here?"

perhaps i'm just so insignificant in class,

perhaps people really forgot,

perhaps people thinks otherwise, which i hope i'm just thinking too much on my part.

Yes,

it contributes only 1.25% to the final test.

But what mattered wasn't the grades.

It was how i am being dealt with.

Tell me how to trust again.

I tried to... and now it's gone.

Thanks for letting me realise who my friends really are.

Things hasn't changed afterall.

I just need this kinda things to remind myself again.

A lesson learnt,

will NOT let it happen again.

Tougher, but i'l learn to rely on myself,

just like how things were.

tired

I'm tired.

Tired of all that has happened,

Tired of all that is happening,

Tired of all that is going to happen.

I'm really tired.

闯祸了

Oh my goodness,

i just realised something i've done wrongly ONLY NOW!

OH my goodness, this is bad.

Pissed my classmate off rather badly.

SHould have remembered that the doc is not supposed to be circulating, but i just forgot abt it totally when i happily copied and pasted the entire year 1 folder to my juniors.

Issue of copyright.

If i'm her i'll be super mad too.

How ah..

What should i do?

Oh no....

闯祸了

last week

I have 2 tests tomorrow and i have no idea what to study.

Last minute don't work for me.

So...

GG tml already.

DM on wed.

Fixed pros on fri.

I'm am soo screwed up.

Panicking now,

but it seems rather evident that nothing can save my ass now.

Why can't we just have a slacker week before hols?

Lousy

I feel so lousy.

Things hasn't been working out well for me i guess.

First, my unit broke down...

so got to sit somewhere where the slow speed handpiece(drill) works.

Then... redid my gold crown...

And then lost my gold sprue, which got sucked into the machine and cost like almost more than half the amt of gold i bought, so it's abt 80 plus dollars for that 3.6 grams.

Went through a hell lot trouble.

Found it back.

ok..

next..

porosity in the gold crown. AGAIN

and it doesn't help when i put in so much effort and the doc said: i wouldn't dream of giving this to my patient."

Then...

wanted to ask a doc to check my work.. was walking, this classmate saw me.. and walked quickly behind. As i called: er doc, she shove her work under his nose.. cut queue. Thanks man. just what i need."

On top of that,

got a B for my perio test which i put in so much effort too, scraping every piece of calculus and making sure i did a gd job.

And.. on top of that, i revised and studied and wrote notes for radiology.

But then. screw up at the practical test.. sooo..

that's an F and a REDO.

Other than that,

i have some other irritating classmates who seem rather keen to tip my mood balance to lousy.

Things aren't turning out as well as before..

I don't know what is wrong.

Put in so much effort.. but things just don't reflect..

I really did, and i've always been told by others that i have high expectations from myself..

So then again.. what is going on?

Maybe i'm just decieving myself.

I just pray that things will make a turn for the better.

:(

to myself.

I don't know what the bloody damn it stupid problem i'm having.

I just have an issue with myself, my work, my stupid grades.

Work so hard,

get yet another unsatisfactory end product.

Mugging efficacy drop to even lower levels.

Don't tell me this is it.

Frustration.

Piak piak i just wanna slap myself.

One word for reward.

S-T-U-P-I-D

Dumb, dumber and dumbest.

argh. piak piak.

wake up!

thinking but not saying

Got so much to say, been thinking so so so much.

About this, about that, about almost so many things.

nevermind.

hai

i guess i'm getting more and more short temper in class.

I just cannot listen clearly in class when there're mumblings so often.

It doesn't help to have pp throwing sweets to each other,

talking and joking when the lecturer is talking,

and it doesn't help that the class rep sent so many emails out to ask us to shhhhhh.

hai...

diff pp have diff priorities in class.

i pay my school fees, i want to be a dentist.

i try my best to shut up in class.

Spread the love

I don't know whether i should be going for the cambodia trip at all after all that has occurred at home.

But still,

i will do my best to plan and fund raise for the kids there.

Hopefully all the plans will not clash and everything gets settled

meanwhile,

Dear all,

i'm fund raising to get oral kits and PE kits for the children in cambodia.

A full kit is about 15 dollars and consist of a toothpaste, a toothbrush, a pair of socks, a pair of shoes, a pair of shorts and a shirt.

IF you can, please help me and these young children ok?

I'll be going down under the name of project Sabai( also called project love, sabai is love in cambodia) with the medical team this time round.

Any amount will do too if 15 dollars is a lot.

Thank you very much for your help.

:)

tests

I test down.

9 more to go.

4 competencies.

1 useless test.

Fixed prostho theory

Dental materials theory

microbiology theory

pharmaco theory which is this coming TUES!.

I need to remember more things seriously

...

Contemplating.

Thinking, wondering.

Sometimes it's good that somethings happen, sometimes it's bad that somethings happen.

Perhaps they all have a reason for why they happen.

Certain things i'm glad they happened.

Certain things, i'm glad they never happened.

Whatever that is,

Learn to accept.

Learn to adapt.

find it back

Where is it?

Did you lose it?

Did you forget it all?

Find it back.

You aren't working hard enough.

hmmm

I think i need a change.

To be more positive and love my life the way it is.

right.

Panic

I have no idea how i'm going to make it.

I'm starting to panick.

Yes, i'm sorry, but yes. i'm panicking somehow.

I have 10 tests in the coming month.

And my finals are like in 4 months time.

Not mentioning the additional tests that have yet been included in my organiser and the various competency tests as well as projects to hand in and lab work to choing.

I realise i don't have much time since school is REALLY from 8 to 5.

With only an hour break in between.

I'm a kan jiong spider.

Cos i know i'm not doing as well this year anymore.

And i realise that after my promos,

I only have 2 weeks of vacation before a 9 week special terms starts.

After which i only have 3 weeks of hols.

And then..

TADAH!

Year 3.

I'm not bring kiasu here, but then again i study much slower than most people do,

And my memory's poor.

so i need more time than normal people.

I'm not trying to justify why i'm doing this post.

:(

想

原来，


也只不过如此。


再也普通不过，没什么特别。


想太多，考虑太多，分析太多


未必是件好事。


迷失了真相，


模糊了重点，


回到了原点。


从新开始。


更开心。


想通了。


:)

Past week

The past week has been on of the worst in my life.

Yes. worse than the scary As.

I have no idea how i pulled through.

Worried, cried, blamed, felt despaired, fearful, lost and what not.

All sort of emotions, don't even know what i'm thinking back then and how exactly i felt.

Just blank out i guess.

Perhaps because my brothers were there that's why i was able to cope.

I have no idea how the hell i did it.

But i guess my emotions were all shown on my face that classmates came to ask me whether i'm ok and kinda.

Smses and calls of concern..

I really appreciate it.

Now that it's at least not as bad as before,

I'll make sure i'll not let history repeats itself again.

I know such things will happen no matter what,

sooner or later,

perhaps few years down the road,

it may happen again.

Perhaps just one or two more decades more and i'll have to deal with the most unbearable.

I don't know how i will be able to pull through...

And i don't dare to even think about it.

What must come will come one day.

Perhaps when that days really comes...

I may just lose my sanity.

I don't wish to think about that.

Cherish what i have now..

It's more impt than anything else

The coming month

Summary of this coming month.

1. microb test
2.removable denture test
3.pharmaco test
4.dental materials test
5. fixed prostho test
6.periapical competency x 2

suppose to have one more test,

but i don't know what that is.

I want to do well.

I will try to work hard.

Let me find back the drive i had last year.

老豆

庆幸。

学着去接受，去欣赏。

也学着去忘记，去容纳，去包容。

毕竟，人生有好多事情等着我们去体验。

在原地踏步，争论对与错，

到头来，

赢了又这么样。

耐心，原谅，看开，坚持，包容，忘记。

都是从你身上学到的。

随便一点。。。

也何尝不是一件好时。

或许这件事让大家都变了。

或许变得更成熟，

变得更不斤斤计较了。

或许这是你一直都在试着教我的。

但我一直到现在才领悟其中的奥秘。

多谢了，老豆。

:D

:)

good news.

felt relieved.

like..

although the problem still exist,

i'm still happy that it didn't take a turn for the worse.

Relieved.

dinner

during dinner...

the spoon slipped into the fish head that we were having.

me: OOooOOhh. alamak.

dad: OH MY GOD.

me: ... stunned

followed by a burst of laughter.

here's my papa and our cat.

nope, they didn't pose for the photo in case you're wondering.



These things keep me sane. :)

amazed

I'm amazed by how everyone's taking it.

Like...

how things have been handled thus far,

emotionally, mentally,verbally and all.

I guess we just didn't want to worry each other.

but i guess everyone's feeling the same way,

just that nobody is saying anything.

I'm glad somehow that life is more or less the same.

Keeps us all sane.

I hope it stays this way,

even after tml.

Hopefully what we get will be what we want.

one more day

One more day left.

How things will turn out to be,

It's more or less kinda fixed.

It's how we react to it,

how we deal with it,

what we decide to do about it.

More decisions to make,

more things to handle,

more worries to undertake.

In just one more day's time

怕怕

Sudden wave or fear.

What if things aren't going to be alright,

What if things turn out otherwise?

What should i do?

怕怕。

found a old post i'll like to publish but didn't

城市里的人，



都有着自己的问题，烦恼，担心，害怕。



有些会说，



有些选择不说。



但不论如何，



烦恼大家都会有。

Thank you

The world still turns,

The bus is still as crowded,

We still pay our ERP,

We still pay our taxes,

The sun still rises.

We still go to school,

More crowns to make, more wax-ups to do, more casts to mount,

More teeth to drill,

More things to mug,

More tests to take,

I shall take it as it comes.

I hope i can and i will.

Thanks a lot to all who know about it.

I'll face it.

no matter how bad,

I'll manage it with my best.


Thank you.

远

叹一口气。

也不知该作什么，

该怎么办。

再叹一口气，

去面对。

未来的事，

走一步看一步。

能走多远是多远。

时间有多少是多少。

有多余的，

就用功读书，

毕竟我没有多余的力去担心多一件事，

也不能再制造多一个让人担心的事。

能去多远就多远。

一瞬间，

我的世界变了。

how?

What i find myself telling others to do.

I don't know myself.

I don't know how to face it.

How to deal with it.

Or even talk about it.

I don't know how not to show it on my face,

How to pretend nothing has happened,

How to stay the same old me.

These changes.

I should have seen them earlier,

then perhaps things wouldn't have turn out this way.

I really don't know what to do.

Now and the days after, the years after.

It's something that i fear so much and i never thought it will actually happen.

I'm going insane soon.

bad

I had a bad day.

I had bad news.

I met a bad lecturer.

The weather's bad i walked back in rain.

I need to plan for bad news.

I am in bad mood.

I am absolutely showing bad facial expression.

And i almost demonstrated bad bahaviour and EQ in class.

In total,

I just had a bad day.

Not that my days have been good,

but i had a extremely bad day.

And that piece of news alone is sufficient to ruin my whole life, every single day of it.

Just don't make it come true.

What ever it is,

Don't let it be true.

And i will try to suppress my bad mood as much as i can.

I will be less snappy.

I will be at my best.

I will try.

Don't ask me.

I don't want to say anything.

I will when i want to.

Just not now when i'm down in the dumps.

24th

Alright.

it's no longer 7th.

It's this friday.

pray hard it's nthing

7 Nov.

Somehow i'm feeling kinda worried.

Worried about what the outcome will be.

Weird thoughts, bad ones mostly.

I wonder how i will handle it when the day comes.

I wonder whether i can handle it.

I wonder.

Shall just pray for the best.

Hopefully it's not going to be bad news.

It's been 4 months since it happened.

Shall hope that what ever is present,

It's not going to be bad news on the 7th.

4th day of work

I just don't feel right about certain things.

For one,

it's the new maid.

1. overslept on her 3rd and 4th day of work
2. Told me this:" no need breakfast right?" on the 1st day of work
3. Told me :" u wake up yourself ok right"
4. found that certain things in my room were left not so intact
5. Never do her job which i requested her help for despite me reminding her twice.
6. super nice to my parents, but bo chup me, then is nice again to me when my parents are back.

my goodness.

I'm just so so so exasperated.

And there's nothing i can do.

One thing for sure.

I cannot even lock my room door, though i seriously don't feel safe at all. I just find that i cannot trust her AT ALL.

TOTALLY CANNOT.

I don't have gd vibes about her.

And my parents wants me to NOT lock my room door.

So vulnerable handphones, laptops, com, cameras and what not lying around.

great.

WTH.

Is this still my home not, why do i feel so... insecure.

what is the answer?

Just had a long chat with a frien.

realised that sometimes, the way i feel, the things i think..

i'm not alone.

i guess everyone faces the same problem,

but it's just how we deal with it,

how we face it,

how we find it.

What is our calling,

why are we doing this now.

what do i want,

what is it that i do that i'll be happy abt?

sometimes..

we just can't find the answers to these answers.

i can't too.

i hope u find yours soon.

...

I am so disappointed today.

But there is nothing i can do to change it.

Just continue working.

Uncertainty, panic, regret, guilt and what not.

stress.

So disappointed, so upset.



Details in the Fabric (jason mraz)

Calm down Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own name

And everything will be fine

Hang on Help is on the way
Stay strong I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

pissed

Just as i have to say that last night.

I got pretty pissed today.

am is just reminded of how much i use to hate school.

perhaps disliking school isn't tat bad afterall.

makes me focus more.

friends in sch

Ok.

i do have gd friends in school.

kelvin for one,

david, and sluttzy.

:)

They makes the days much more bearable though i may nt interact with them daily.

but still..

tat makes such a big diff.

:)

so..

things aren't tat bad afterall.

just sometimes. esp when REDO is the 4 letter u dread hearing.

Not the F word. But the R word

stomach ache

My god!

I've never felt such pain before.

That wave that struck me.

Made me bend over and kneel down before i knew it.

Oh my oh my..

肚子痛的威力真强大。

Lucky ( Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait)

Do you hear me,I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

I simply love this song.

Both my fave singers for now.

It's at the side of the blog

listen to it :)

argh

I can't describe how much i hate birds and lizards.

Because i don't know who the real culprit is..

I'm just going to condemn the whole lot of them all.

Just as i thought the bird shit episode is over..

i saw another 2 piles on my going-to-be-dry laundry.

DAMN the whole lot of them.

Now...

REWASH.

and guess what.

My lab coat is involved.

Pray hard that i won't need it on monday.

stupid birds

Hand washing rocks.

But stupid birds.

chose to poo on my clean and dry laundry.

so now....

re-wash.

stupid birds.

anatomy

Had fever today.

Always seem to fall sick after/during or slightly before tests. hmmm

Broke my record for pon-ing 2 lectures 2 days in a row.

And i missed Prof Voon's lecture!

ARGH.............................

I hate myself for this.

I miss his lectures,

He's sooo good...

should have dragged myself to school and not miss the first lect, but i forgot that he's giving lect today!

:(

I miss anatomy so much.

so so so much

trust

Some things broken will never be the same.

Certain people just cannot be trusted no matter what.

pharmaco...

Had my pharmaco test today.

Chui.

blanked out.

and the MCQ is so tough.

forgot the details,

forgot quite a bit of things.

practically struggled.

sucks.

the only thing good about today is that i finally got to do all my laundry.

but the only comment i have is that.

i really don't think i like the washing machine after all.

it kinda sucks.

i support hand washing though it's killing me.

AHHhh

你们把我当什么？

argh

This is so shitty.

I flipped the whole house down for so long. still cannot find my jc notes

sickening.

i knew i had them all tgt in bundles.

now..

2 big bundles are missing

...

OK, it's my turn to be hostile.

just heard from my mum tat they got to know about this maid and is keen to employ her.

right.

personally, i don't fancy maids. not that i dun appreciate them,

but i would rather have the whole house to myself.

call me anti-social.

the thing which made me rather argh. was that she said she wanted to hear abt my opinion,

but then..

from the way she phrase it, she has already made her mind!

And even made plans etc to get the maid by TOMORROW?!!

WHAT THE HELL?!!

need to be so kan jiong ma?

so so.. everything has already been settled..

then for what come and ask me about my opinion?

right.

I know we need to get one sooner or later.

but THIS SOON?!!

my previous bad experiences( other than the one who just left) has left me rather cynical about the whole issue.

cos from the way i hear it... it just sounds kinda like a scam...

i don't know, but i just feel that way.

i know i shouldn't be so unfair to the newcomer.

i'll try.

Hopefully not another disastrous decision like what happened 4 years back.

Bye Bye empty house and home alone episodes.

heh.

i shall start visiting the library.

:)

Hostility.

I don't know whether i'm over sensitive or not.

But i guess i can't be bothered.

well, at least i am sure i didn't do anything wrong.

I am finally starting to understand what KE said.

In this field, you really cannot be too bothered about what others think of you.

so true.

let them be.

i really cannot be bothered.

i shall stick to veron's words.

Do my best.

saw Ht and siew today.

hopefully HT will get more progress in her work given today's episode with the yucky prof she was telling me about...

all the best to the rest having tests and exams too!

:)

enjoys

It's been a while since i took a real nap.

One without dreams, one which you concuss the moment your head touches the pillow.

shiok.

bad news is...

i just heard that coffee causes osteoporosis?

duno whether real nt.

but a cause for concern.

since i use 3 packets of 3-in-1 for a single cup everyday to get the boost.

pharmaco test.

die already

dental public health screening was enjoyable too.

learn a lot about dealing with people, esp patients to be.

saw many pp, esp the meddies whom went lokun in june.

talked a lot about funny pp and weird behaviour we saw.

ok. was frustrating sometimes, but we get a gd laugh after it, being amused rather that we get to meet people from all walks of life.

a gd experience indeed.

gd thing is that i'm the usher so i stay inside.

luckily not the usher-transformed-into-baby-sitter.

omg.

kinda amusing to see friends dealing with children. u really see a different side of them.

paedophilic and paedophobic people.

and those who do nothing and the kid sees them and starts crying.

haha.

bad thing.

i pang sehed s19. cos was simply too tired. so sorry abt it.

hope i didn't disappoint u all.

shall make it up for them by treating them to gd fd gd fd when i grad.

i make sure i remember. u all remember and remind me when the date draws near too ah.

:)

quack quack

don't think about it.

don't think about it.

don't even think about it.

lucky ducky. ugly duckling.

haha.

i like that it rhymes so well.

quack.

another sleepless night.

tomorrow got public health screening at IMM garden plaza from 10 to 1.

ugly duckling, lucky ducky.

don't think about it don't think about it.

quack.

QWARK!

tired

Man.. I'm so tired!

it's like.. u lie on the bed and you can't move.

then after u doze off and wake up,

your body is super warm, and ur whole body is aching and u just want to lie down for long.

oh my goodness

i am so tired.

recall previous post

ok. decided not to privatise my blog.

no need to.

it's my blog,

i shouldn't make it private and give myself and everybody around so much trouble.

mai.

i shall keep it this way.

man.. i feel so kuku

read please. :)

I have come to a conclusion.

I'm going to make my blog private...

Please let me know if u're reading and leave me your email.

thanks a lot.

somehow i'm tempted to switch to wordpress.

but then it means i'll have to learn it all over again.

and blogspot is so mafan to request emails for readers i've selected.

either case, leave a comment (NOT TAG) with ur email and your name ok?

Then i will add to the list.

:)

圆圈圈 圆圈圈

Mood takes a roller coaster ride.

Down to up and then to down and then no nowhere.

Just feeling plain grumpy now.

I like school only when i'm being left alone.

Or when i'm with friends.

I have no idea why.

It's just like a 圆圈圈。

Things are happening once again.

All the way to the start.

All over again.

圆圈圈 圆圈圈,

没尽头，没原点。

只不过是我又走了一大圈。

走啊走。

圆圈圈 圆圈圈。

for her

I hope she's feeling alright.

:)

Certain people, you just want to see them everyday and talk to them.

But the irony is,

you don't always get what you want.

Anyway, today is CHILDREN'S DAY

throw away all the bad stuff, look in front and start all over again.

I agree with what eric says.

totally.

and it kinda relieved my stress a little.

Hai, I miss S19.

nvm, 2 more years and i'm out..

Bring it on.. hahahaa

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY!!!

WOOOHOOOOO

disappointment

So many things i want to say.

But have no idea how to do it.

So many things i try to do..

but that i got in return is just disappointment.

Kinda sick of it.

As much as i would like to not give a damn and ignore it,

It haunts me everyday.

Saying anything doesn't makes any difference

tired.

shall sleep and ignore.

想说

我真的好想说，

但多以天后在说。

毕竟，

或许。。。

我自己该想一想。

才来评论

spark

Suddenly i thought of the scene slightly more than a year ago during SOW.

When i got the call, how happy i was, how siew and i screamed and then me, reg and siew simply hugged and cheered.

That call... that emotion...

somehow i seem to be losing it all. It worries me.

Why is it that i wanted it so much back then, the disappointment and it all.

Sometimes i go get the flame back,

but that's only once in a while... and it lasts not more than 2 days.

it shouldn't be like that.

What exactly went wrong? What happened?

Am i taking things for granted?

Am i tired of how things are?

Am i drained?

I really don't know

I would like to think of myself as a junior dentist, but it's just impossible.

I would like to take everyday as the first day of school,

but it just seems so tough.

Is it the workload, is it the stress?

Dis-illusioned sometimes.

I want to look forward to school and lessons.

I need to find the spark...

How can i find it, where is it?

I need to find my direction again.

cinderella

Ok, i just did something kinda dumb.

Went to youtube to look at videos of cinderella after hsiu tzu intro-ed a song to me.

I can't help but wonder what actually happened after cinderella and the prince got married.

From the looks of it,

1. both grew fat, cinderella from post pregnancy weight gain and the prince from simply being a couch potato

2. had dozens of yelling kids, my goodness. imagine a house full of kids behaving exactly like those horrible ones u'll see in some movie on parenting

3. quarrels. heh. imagine cinderella red faced from quarreling with the prince cos he forgot to put down the toilet bowl seat after he pee-ed.

4. hen-pecked prince. hahaha. visualize him massaging her shoulders and what not.

well, just feel free to add to this collection of wild ideas. The more absurd it is, the better. hahaa

Actually cinderella is also not someone who's 好惹的。She knew about the ball and ACTUALLY made preparations to go for it, well, she had intentions to go MEET the prince eh. Talk about 爱慕虚荣。

Then, she also kept looking at herself and what not. Hiao lah.

And and, she looked at the prince seductively during the dance. gosh.. 妖里妖气.

finally, she actually overslept in one of the earlier scenes, that kinda made her look like a spoilt brat. LAZY LA.

I don't have anything against her, but..

i guess we just need a twist to some stories for some cheap thrill sometimes.

圆圈圈

圆圈圈。

走不到终点，

到不了原点。

到底要走到几时呢？

hols

This has got to be my worse hols ever since JC 2.

I actually look forward to school.

random

有希望就有失望。

但没希望，什么都没有了。

希望，然后渴望。

过后失望，最后遗忘。

好简单的原理。

历史的重演或许是因为人的健忘，

所以就像圈圈一样，

没头没尾的继续。

从一个错误的终点走到下一个错误的起点。

一切又从头来过。

我们总爱这么说。

真奇妙。

stars

Certain things,

certain events,

certain people.

when i think about it,

i find myself smiling out of no reason.

Lights up my life, brightens up my world, cheers up my day.

Be it nonsensical, simply nice or just plain silly.

I'm blessed.

Stars do light up the night sky.

:)

continue from yesterday

Didn't get to study today.

Hai. screwed up.

Anyway, continuing form yesterday's discussion.

Hmmm. i just thought that what if you're a doctor and your wife's pregnant.

AND, the gynae is your classmate.

yikes.

And if you happen to be the wife of a gynae,

how do you feel if your husband goes to work everyday.

erm ya.

haha.

i think we should make friends with fewer doctors.

doctors' prob

i realise doctors and dentists have a problem.

When they're ill,

it's rather awkward to visit another doctor to get treatment,

esp when your industry is so darn small.

can u imagine asking ur colleague to scale and polish for u,

tell you how many decay u have.

Worse for doctors...

getting your friend to stick a stethoscope up your shirt,

or worse, if you're pregnant and your gynae is your erm.. classmate.

right.

Hols overview

This has got to be one of my worst hols ever.

First week was really not bad.

Then it started going downhill.

The last few days is going to be the worst of it all.

let it end.

Somehow i wish school can start earlier,

so i don't have to wake up to an empty house.

If only my cat knows and stays home more often.

Let it end soon.

bye bye

A part of me tells me it's ok,

Another part tells me it's not going to be.

Perhaps,

i'm just not used to it.

But i guess,

i will just miss her afterall.

though she pisses me off really badly sometimes,

she's quite good.

Use to quite like it that i have the whole house by myself, perhaps it's because i know she'll be back.

But now that she will not come again,

I do feel a bit sad.

人生没有不散的宴席,

i guess things will get better.

My maid's going home for good.

Bye bye :)

please read

decided to share this.

As much as i wish i am able to do all those written,

sad to say, it's kinda tough.

This is an extract of the NTU Convocation Ceremony speech this year. Delivered by Adrian Tan, a litigation lawyer at one of Singapore’s top law firms. I read this on a fren’s blog and i liked it alot, so i though i should share it here.
Life and How to Survive It

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that ‘Learning is a lifelong process’ and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term ‘Karoshi’, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are ‘making a living’. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan ‘Arbeit macht frei’ was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say ‘be loved’. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

:)

Studied at school today.

Much more productive than at home,

and puts me in a better mood.

Studying with siew is just so good.

She just made my day.

:)

:)

I miss my sec sch days and my sec sch friends.

I miss NJ friends.

But things just seem so different now.

Busy with individual things, different aspects, different people, different issues.

That there is no more common topic.

Conversation seems like a chore unlike before.

It's still there, but something's missing.

When people say u make real friends in sec sch and jc,

they meant it.

They still do.

tired

What i need,

I don't get.

What i can't afford to give,

I get pushed.

Nevermind no support,

but i don't need cynicism.

I need space.

Things will only get worse..

I can't change it.

I don't even have time for myself,

let alone have the energy.

Get a balance.. yeah

ideal, but almost impossible.

I don't wish to argue.

I'm tired.

。。。

人。。。

总爱想歪歪。

我的天啊。。。

ok la

quite funny，

so nvm。

Continue ba。

巧

这次该不会是真的吧。

我想像的，

竟然成真。

但可惜的是，

我不在场。

没能体会，

也应此无法知道。。。

如果我在的话，

当时所发生的事，

和我想像的准确度到底有多少。

可是，

那也会不会太巧了。

但事情过了这么久，

算了啦。

也许这就该如此。

random thoughts

Lost and yet long for it.

Found and yet discard it.

Own and yet not know it.

Feel and yet ignore it.

Human beings are just all so weird.

Don't they know what they want, only to regret their decisions later.

But when given the chance they just choose not to do anything about it.

I think my grammar's worst.

So many things to settle,

so many things to do,

so many things to get ready,

so many things on my shoulders.

so heavy..

just so heavy.

I will learn to deal with it...

If only

If things could be better,

I'll like to hear the truth.

Let it be so loud it deafens everyone,

so that in the end.

Nobody can hear a thing.

If things could be better,

I'll like to be smarter with better memory and understanding skills,

so that i can study less and yet do well,

so i can spend more time doing what i want,

doing what i need.

If things could be better,

i'l like to stop guessing about everything,

so it makes things less complicated,

makes me less worried,

makes me less stressed like a kan jiong spider.

That are all possible..

If only.

haha. at last

With the new additions at home...

I feel like i can finally do without a maid.

With my mind at ease.

AND...

I just remembered i need to get a new mop.

ok.

At least now i'm less stressed with a new washing machine.

circle

It always ends up in a vicious circle.

Slack too much, play too much.

Then sleep too much.

Then panick a lot.

Then study very hard.

Then feel very tired and stressed.

so. play a lot again.

then play too much.

and the circle continues.

Like many other things in life.

A circle continues.

There is no starting point nor ending point in a circle.

When it stops, it just stops.

Just the way i'm feeling now.

Odd questions

I don't know why she asked me those questions today.

Perhaps she or rather they are just curious..

since,

she's not the first one to ask such questions.

Got it from a few of them already.

But still quite shocked by how frank they can get.

Haha.

This kinda things....

顺其自然，有就有。。。

没有又能怎么样。。

哈哈。

I'm trying not to read too much into it.

Anyway, really thankful that my cousin and her husband gave me a ride home just now, and let me bake and mug at their house.

So nice, also dunno how to repay them.

Little gestures, great impact

Tian Chang Di Jiu

Found the music on one of the baby blogs which i have been following for the past year.

Absolutely love the music.

Do listen too,

It's on the right hand side of my blog.

:)

Enjoy

smash the water pipes

I have no idea why the water at my house is damn it bloody small.

Makes me really irritated esp when i shower.

It's like.. what the hell..

trickle of water.

And when somebody turns on the tap or flushes the toilet bowl,

there goes your water source.

As in TOTALLY GONE.

NOT EVEN A SINGLE DROP.

I will smash the water pipe if given the chance.

It's making me super duper damn it irritated i wanna pull out all my hair.


ARGH...............

ROAR!!

wooo lala

能令人读了我的entry之后遐想的梦。。。

I LIKE~~

lol

can't get any better.

haha. continue guessing hor.

haha. cheap thrill

梦

如果昨晚的梦是真的，

我会 go OH MY GOD！

应为感觉 ok la is really 挺不错，

很舒服，也有点无法形容。

可能还有点shiok。

如果要用一个字去形容便是。。。

OOooohh nice。。。

Wa Seh！！！原来是那么样的一种感觉。

很微妙，很让人搞不清楚，也很让人觉得暖暖的。

就像一杯super rich 的hot mocha，

在那种冬天里，捧在手心，慢慢品尝的感觉。

可是也有点奇怪，

应为。。。

就是超 (&$(*@#(@&* 的奇怪。

ok， 我妈妈说不可以骂粗话。

haha wth。

那么形容不是应为新加坡没有冬天 or that 我没喝过 hot mocha

但就是有点eh？！！！！

也有点hur？！！！

最后便是个。。。 WHAT？！ 是我在做梦吧。（实事是我真的在做梦。）

有点 “不会吧，有没有搞错？真的是我？”

但梦归梦，

和实事终究是两回事，

有些人说梦境会和事实相反。

也无所谓，应为反正就不会发生，

Aiyah，

日有所思，夜有所梦，

就是那么简单。

总结是。。。 想太多lor。

可以100%肯定的说，

那是永远也不会发生的事。

可以叹一口气，

不发生或许也不是一件坏事。

Aiyah 反正。。。

既然永远都不会发生，

作个梦也不错。

没什么大不了。

爽一爽，笑笑就好。

反正梦终究是梦，不会发生，也不会成为事实。

过了就好。

wait a minute 。。。这绝对不是你们脑子里想的那些肮脏的 lor。。。

也不是什么有的没的梦。

它是个。。。

不能说的秘密。

OMG. I like the pun. haha

thank you :)

Talking to you really made me feel so happy and grateful.

To be able to have someone listening to me,

To be there to listen to my troubles,

share my joy,

share my darkest secrets and emotions with,

Giving me feedback in the most honest manner.

I'm so glad i found such a friend.

Thanks a lot Hsiu Tzu.

:D

想清楚了吗?:)

不去想。

也不想再去想。

因为结果不在我掌控之中，

也不会因为我做的什么事而改变。

与其浪费时间胡思乱想，

不如做我因该做的事，

用心，用脑，尽我的全力去完成我的职责。

有些事情可以等，有些事情一过了就没有了。

是时候从新，也从心去看看

我需要的和我想要的，和我应当做的，

毕竟是三个不同的东西。

从新看清楚，从心想想，从头开始，

何尝不是一件好事。

需要的必须争取，

应当做的必须尽全力，

想要的必须耐心的等。

那些可有可无的东西，

又何必想太多。

是你的总会是你的，不是你的永远都不是。。。

人生要尽力就好。

happy

I am so super excited for her.

OOoooo.

but at least now i'm able to confirm that i'm thinking too much.

Can finally settle down and focus once again.

Do what i need to do, do what i have to do, do what i WANT to do.

so happy :)

Today simply feels great.

if only my holidays can be longer.

Need to start on my assignments already.

And not to mention tests and revision and what not.

But still...

I'm happy!

for myself and most impt for her.

:)

Brrr

Reading my entries since i started the blog last year.

I realise i've been harboring negative thoughts.

Bad ones, nasty ones, whatever shit that is.

been lashing out really quite a lot here,

been trashing out a lot here.

as i look back,

it all just seem so childish.

Makes me feel like a hypocrite to a certain extend.

yuck.

So disgusted with myself.

perhaps i should stop doing this and grow out of it.

gosh..

I don't want to turn into one big hypocrite.

I rather be a hippo even if that means my butt's gonna be blown out of proportion and my mouth's gonna be the same size as my rear.

Brrrr

tired

I'm suffering from exhaustion.

been feeling really tired and my brain's kinda fried.

Been stoning ever so often.

I need time to unwind.

To have some time for myself.

I think i need that.

To sort out certain things,thoughts, issues, whatever there is.

tired.

manly mama

Lost my voice.

AGAIN.

argh

Manly mama.

At least one octave lower this time round.

wth

:)

Somehow,

I'm kinda starting to like my class.

After all that i've been through.

I guess,

i'm kinda blessed already..

As compared to the other batches and how horrifying things can get.

I'm quite lucky already i guess.

:)

Vroom vroom

Right.

I am stressed.

Lab work used to be my forte.

BUT.

I find myself screwing things up and not doing as well as what i expect from myself.

Remounting, dripping wax over my cast, never put my occlusal stops properly, dirtying my wax denture, redoing things, poking WAY TOO MANY holes in my custom tray(end up having an ugly tray with many poka dots as decorations), burning myself with the hot wax knife, waxing my finger hair using sticky wax.

How bad can things get?

Then.

I find myself being unable to remember things for the tests next week.

And

I haven't finish studying for them.

And

I don't have enough time for studying.

And

I find myself too slack.

THESE are bad signs.

I need to pull up my socks and buck up.

Stop being such a bitch KY.

ARGH.

I hate this.

I need my drive.

Vroom... vroom..

I'm not sleeping tonight

quarter life crises

went for clinic visit today.

simply amazed and in awe about the new technology used.

Omg, i doubt i can even afford one in my clinic nxt time if i were to have one.

Anyway,

I felt disheartened, but driven.

Disheartened that the meaning of being a healthcare professional is so easily lost to money.

Driven to make myself a better dentist next time.

Give my patients quality service.

Of course, i bet i will be disheartened too when what i do is taken for granted or even scrutinised..

And i bet i won't survive very well in this world full of politics and where your talking skills are more impt that ur actual skills.

But well,

I always believed that if you're good enough, you don't need to go around and wayang with people.

You'll be just gd enough even without that.

Perhaps what i am experiencing now is a quarter life crises.

Unsure of what to do.

Unsure of what i really want.

I hope i find myself again.

To what i stood so firmly for just 1 yr ago.

argh

I realise i have no more drive.

No more.

It scares me.

I also dunno how.

And i actually feel tired.

Not a good sign.

And.

i sprain my wrist.

Gosh, i dunno how to do lab work for the next few days.

pig trotters.

argh

roar

i like to talk to my juniors.

sometimes more than my classmates.

i wonder y.

nvm.

shall let it be.

got 2 tests in 1 week's time.

and on the same day.

jia lat.

stereotypes

somehow...

i'm curious to know where those stereotypes come from.

I'm curious about what others think.

But a part of me just tell me to be myself.

somehow....

it's ironic.

When you're telling the truth, nobody believes. When you're saying something false which the person believes is true, they believe you.

heh.

ok. side note.

watching tv.......

me: brrrrrrr(farted)
mum: what the hell is wrong with ur stomach?
me: er.. i farted? what else do u think that sounded like? hahahahaha
mum:.........................................................

ok.


i don't really like the stereotypes given.

Perhaps when i play, nobody's around to see it.

Misunderstandings...

Nevermind,

shall let it be.

Can't change it anyway.

They just don't know me well enough.

For one, they don't know how often i fart.

hahahaha

brain fried

I dunno why.

But i'm feeling a lot of displeasure about many issues.

But i can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

I'm just...

thinking about too many things.

brain is fried

please please

Pray hard.

Please let my cousin pass her exams.

please please.

Don't make her retake.

hostility. my fault?

Maybe i'm thinking too much.

Maybe i'm being too tactless?

I don't know. but somehow, i'm kinda facing hostility from some pp.

i can't think of what i did wrong.

As in.. i racked my brains but really have no idea leh.

hmmm.

just had a test today.

brain drain.

shall rest early and pack my room

:)

一年了。

好快好快。

来不及呼吸，来不及思考，来不及回味。

人越老，日子似乎过得更快。

是有那么一点可怕。

突发奇想。。。

如果我得这么样的活到老。。。

我该怎么做。

我会怎么做。

日子会怎么过。

好多好多的也许。。。

或许什么都不会发生吧。

谁也不知。

更何况是我。

no no no

I hope what i dread most is not going to happen.

Not in school, not at home, not to me or anyone around.

No no no..

please don't let it happen.

Once is enough.

I hope things won't happen a second time round.

At least not for the bad ones.

I hope that wishes do come true.

hmmm..



Please don't let it happen.

conversation with my parents

my parents were kinda high last night. i have no idea y.

mummy: look at the baby(my neighbour's one)
ky: Ya, so cute leh hor..
mummy: cute ah, go and have one yourself la.
ky: not funny....
mummy:check out the arms, so cute leh, fleshy fleshy ones..
ky: yaya. so cute
mummy: ur arms uses to be exactly like that u know
ky: erm.... is that a compliment or...

papa: hehe, u see the wong kan seng, so short hor.
me: which one? don't have la, short meh?
papa: hahha. short short
me: eh, who's that minister nxt to GCT, kinda short leh.
papa: WKS la.
me: omg. really short leh.
papa: haha. short short
me: haha. nvm la, short but cute leh.

and the evening was spent commenting about his height.

me: mama, i've become so dark leh, how ah.
mummy: today's better than yesterday loh. yesterday u looked as if u're drunk. and u look like zhu gan.
me: zhu gan( bamboo pole?)
mummy: no. is zhu gan( pork liver)
me: omg

haha

rag 08

I finally felt the pride of being in dentistry after such a long time.

Though i've always been complaning, i felt very very touched when the year ones put up such a great performance and also, the dedication and hard work almost everyone put in.

It's so great to finally be able to sing the dental anthem together with the year ones, and feeling really proud about it.

I've never felt this way in dental school before.

Really.

Knew more people, knew them better.

I really hope to break out of the vicious circle soon.

And....

I hope....

It's a secret.

:) heh

OH yeah, i felt really happy when i heard science and pharmacy winning. Somehow, i was still rather envious to see all the science people gathered together, cheering together. And for the pharmacy people. i really see them working extremely hard this time round and i am so so happy for them that they won.

GOOD JOB THERE!

1 year already

Somehow, i find myself going round and round in a vicious circle.

Things improved, then go down the hill again.

Just last week, I have no idea why, but i just kept getting shitty remarks and responses from a few people.

Right.

Even from those i don't expect.

And it's when i wasn't doing anything to them at all.

Even talking to Zach, i got to hear remarks...

Yes, you can say it.. but at least spare a thought for my friend.

Think of how he will feel about it.

We are from different faculty,

But is there a need to amplify differences?

1 year already.

Nothing has changed.

...

I feel kinda bad.

That u realise sometimes i do spend too much time working, mugging etc.

That i am spending lesser and lesser time with my parents, and friends especially.

I owe them a lot a lot.

My time etc.

Now that i am having float building..

I thought i would be more free.

But that doesn't seem to be the case.

Most of the time, i'm clueless as to what to do.

So i just try and find things to do.

But i find myself screwing things up.

Just today, I spilled paint.

Bad bad bad.

And i keep doing things slowly.

Work to be done in 1 day.

I took like 3 days?

Nono.

Not enough money, not enough funds.

hai.

And i feel guilty that i was unable to interact with siew, reg etc..

We got so much to catch up.

So much to talk about.

Just 1 year ago,

I was still a freshie.

Things were SO different.

I wasn't in dentistry 365 days ago.

Things have changed so much.

For the good, for the bad.

I just hope i didn't change.

:)

@nd day at float building and i suppose it's really good lah.

i find that i really get to know my classmates better( yeah, 1 yr late). But at least better than never.

I suppose perhaps it's becos we aren't so stressed about our studies etc.

And it's like one of the rare chances that i actually unwind myself.

laugh heartily.

well.. and i got to know the juniors wells.

somehow, i just felt that we need to do something for them.

cos they're new and the faculty's tradition always involves a certain degree of ragging.

And i don't really agree with this, cos some of the DOCTORS(yeah, ironically) don't behave according to the social schema of how a doctor should behave( gentle, benevolant, easy going, nice).

No, they are the direct opposite, some scolding vulgarities at us, showing off their authority for some, getting juniors to do silly and stupid things and laugh at it.

i think it can get rather demeaning.. and given my experience as a really NEWBIE last year, the more i felt that i know how they feel.

The more i feel that we should help them and do something about it.

Some of the doctors really piss me off.

Now, i feel that i will NEVER refer my patients to them, no matter how good they are.

Personality flaw will always be a personality flaw, and in my eyes, personality and character is more impt than how well they are able to do things. Poor character means poor character and it over-rides the rest.

So, yeah, I'll make sure i won't turn out like them.

AND i'll make sure i take GOOD GOOD care of my junior, just like how my seniors in my line treat me.

well, more days to go.

Hope i will enjoy float and get to know my classmates and the juniors better. :)

Yeah,

a change for the better.

Oh yeah..

and i really really am so touched by my cousin's gesture last night.

Cos i was doing night duty, and she and her husband went to buy supper and drive to sch to give me!!

wa. SUPER NICE. I'mr really touched.

Although i kinda asked them to( which is making me guilty) but the gesture of them driving down JUST to pass me food is just nice.

Well, i may not be close to my brothers, but at least...

I know i'm close to my cousins.

Luckily i have them in my life. if not i'll really be like the only child.

And that will be so kinda sad.

Thanks a lot Jie Jie. :)

argh

I agree with what he said.

I need more faith. and be more firm im my own principles.

Somehow,

I can really tell that i'm starting to see the TRUE sides of people.

Good, bad, selfish.

All starting to show.

And i still don't understand why people like to talk about irrelevant stuff ever so often and not reading up etc.

End up having to disturb other people who're working almost all the time, every single step that they're doing.

I'm not the assessor u know, how the hell will i know whether this is good enough or not, and for goodness sake, can't you be less reliable on others and also be LESS selfish?!!

One more thing,

please STOP taking my things without my permission.

I hate that.

I respect you, and i hope u respect me too.

Simple as that.

hmmmm

Just had a long talk with my senior over the phone.

Told him about almost everything that i've kept. Issues with the class, with pp, pp about me etc etc.

Well,

i also gained new insights, and realise the changes that i need to make etc.

and i've really though through about what he said.

Perhaps it's time i make some changes.

I think i should and i really have to learn to let go of stuff.

Let tomorrow be a good start.

once again,

this is really a blessing in disguise afterall.

I have a really good senior, and i'm grateful for that.

still thinking of whether i should let him know the existance of this blog.

i really don't know.

For fear of the possible outcomes etc.

cos the moment i let this be known, it's like making myself vulnerable.

i really don't know.

any advice?

Let's take a poll.

relieved

Talked to a few classmates on the bus ride home.

I realise i'm not the only one who had issues with some pp's attitude in class.

It's comforting to know that.

And i felt better.

for knowing that i'm not the only odd one out,

for not being too sensitive,

for realising that such a problem actually exists.

but talking about them doesn't mean i will back step them.

I know it's not good to talk about other pp like that behind their backs.

But i'm planning to tell them when i see them doing such things again.

I have my own principles.

Most importantly,

I don't want to be a hypocrite.

argh

ARGH.

let it stop.

vicious circle

Shag. tired. drained.

cui.

i know what i'm doing is wrong, and i know most probably those around are thinking that i'm bullying or what so ever.

Well, perhaps they don't know the whole story and don't know the whole issue.

so perhaps i seem like the one ALWAYS at fault.

but well,

i see no point in explaning myself or justifying to anyone. As long as i know my conscience is clear, i think i just let it be.

Though i know i most prob am in bad light now.

but nvm..

they just don't know me well enough.

hai, i miss my sec sch and jc classmates and friends.

Somehow i'm like going through a vicious circle.

If only I had someone like Cai in my class to listen and talk to me now.

if only there's someone who really knows and understands and perhaps feel the same way as i did.

float building starting next week.

I think i'll find my line senior and have a long chat with him and have a counselling session with him soon.

hope that i can trust him with that, since well, there isn't many pp around for me to do that to nowadays.

i feel that everything's like bottling up within and i can't take it anymore.

about the past year, about almost everything.

I don't know who to trust there, so i guess i'm taking chances.

hopefully my gut feeling will not betray me.

i just can't settle in. i'm like going round and round in a vicious circle just like what ashley said.

vicious circle.

no starting point, no ending point.

argh.

camp 2

I've always enjoyed camps since jc.

But somehow, all i wanted was for this camp to end.

REALLY soon.

and all i think of is. OMG lucky it ended.

I don't look back at it and miss it at all.

Something unlike what i will do every time.

I guess.

It's just the way it is.

argh

Back from camp.

It's just alright.

Not exactly fantastic, but still bearable.

I mean, i must really give credit to the camp com people for working so super hard for this. Could really tell that they've put in a lot of effort, time, energy into it and i could sense that they were quite stressed.

Somehow...

I'm just disappointed. With the reaction of some juniors, for asking me what's the point of having certain events when they feel that it's a waste of time.

So dissappointing, cos the seniors put in so much effort, bear with their pee for 10 bloody hours, fed their blood to mozzies and lost their voice, got stranded in the rain.

And i really wonder y there doesn't seem to be a wee bit of appreciation.

Rudeness was what i encountered a couple of times.

BUt i mean, there are always black sheeps around, so i shouldn't discount the rest of the freshies for their enthu. I know they're quite shagged and quite bored from the waiting. But well, sometimes, things are always changing and there's nothing we can do sometimes but to wait for further instructions and not create more headache for the leaders as they sort things out.

And, i'm also disappointed with some other people too.

Totally not prepared, and last minute. Never plan what they got to prepare, and then in the last minute, calls have to be made etc to purchase stuff. I seriously wonder why can't they be more prepared. It just adds on to the already existing problems. And it seriously doesn't help when most of the times when help is rendered, only more troubles occur.

And it doesn't help to have someone feeling pissed with you on the last day. But well, since i can't figure out what's wrong, i don't bother. Cos i really can't think of anything which i did wrongly. All i had in my mind was to get everything settled nicely and neatly, so that things run smoothly and efficiently.

But well,

this trip also made me know my classmates more, made better friends with a few of them. As in, i seriously think that perhaps i'm just kinda cocked up back then.

Like what i said: i've got to remove the speck of dust from my eye before i can see others more clearly. i'm just too concerned with my own speck of dust last time, that i missed out the chance of hanging out with nice people. I mean these people are great. Just that i'm too affected by the black sheeps i supposed. And well, that's my bad.

Somehow i wish that my class is not as cliquish as it is now. Sometimes, i feel that it's to the extend of being a little exclusive. But hmmm. heck, i need my freedom and i'm happy.

Overall,

i think there's really a lot of hardwork and effort put into this whole thing and though some people may not exactly appreciate it, i think i'll just let it be.

Sometimes i really think that my fetish for perfectionism makes me a super anal control freak. To the extend that i try to do most things by myself and get it done asap. I do things for a reason and i like to think 5 steps ahead. The problem is i do things for a reason but i don't say the reason. Perhaps that's what that makes me look like a control freak. But i mean, knowing your things and where they are is better than having to ask many people before you can find a bowl or something. At least i know where the things are and how many and where i can find them.

I suppose sometimes it makes people misunderstand me. Makes me look too domineering and work-driven. I don't deny the fact. But then, i guess at least i make sure things don't go wrong as much as i can. And i make sure i don't add on to existing problems.

What ever the other says.. i think if i'm sure that i'm not guilty of doing anything sorry to anyone, i'll don't have to care about what others think. If i don't think i've done anything wrong, i'll just be myself.

tired.

gotta sleep. lessons tml.

i must salute the ex-co and the camp com. seriously

sleep!!

I am tired.

Physically. but not mentally.

somehow, it's affecting my memory and concentration.

Tml, have a compulsory talk at NUH from 730 till 830.

Then.

lessons all the way till 1pm.

Have lunch and change by 1.20 for amazing race.

and i need to load stuff for logistics to the car.

then head sentosa for camp.

all the way till sunday.

sunday noon break camp.

lunch with veron and peeps, then head home do wax-up and read occlusion.

Monday sch.

argh.

1 more week of sch before it's rag for 2 weeks from 8am to 10 pm daily.

argh.

i need more sleep.