It's that time of the year again.

In the movies, Christmases are white and snowy, yet full of warmth and love. Greetings are exchanged next to a Christmas tree ringed with bells and bright golden baubles, tipped off with a tassled star on top. And underneath it all, are pretty ribbon-wrapped boxes in all shapes and sizes, colourful little packages each carrying a promise of happiness, waiting to bestow a smile upon their recipients. Amidst the hustle and cheerful banter, are the flitting of Christmas carols, punctuated occasionally by the crackling of logs in the open fire, and the inevitable clinking of cutlery and glasses as the hosts rush about setting the table for dinner. There are splashes of red and white, off thick wooly Christmas stockings and Santa hats, and touches of green and gold, off the Christmas tree and sprigs of holly lit with a hundred tiny lights. And somehow, all of this is suffused by a warm golden glow, with a gentle blurring of faces, scenes and even conversation, a representation of it all as the everyman's home, the way Christmas is supposed to be.

All of this could not be further from my reality. My family doesn't celebrate Christmas. On Christmas Day, my house looks exactly like any other day, maybe cleaner, because I actually have the time to sweep it, and nobody is coming around to mess it up.

Today, that might be unthinkable. But to my parents, and my extended family, celebrating it is unthinkable, because they never celebrated it growing up, and they don't identify with it. To my family, Christmas is really just a day of rest from work, no different from any other holiday. Any attempts to make it more than what it is are construed as a waste of money, and met with disdain and disapproval.

I already know how this Christmas will be spent, because it is the same every year. I sit at home, and wait for it to end. Maybe I play a game, or I read a book. There really isn't anywhere to go, because the shops are closed, and all my friends are at their own family parties. If it sounds boring, it is. I would be lying if I said I didn't wish that sometimes it would be different. But you come to accept some things.

In a sense, I understand why all this is so. I don't identify with the supposed religious significance of Christmas. If anything, I would rationally challenge that Christmas is a pagan festival. But in the modern context, Christmas is not solely about religion and what it means to be a good Christian. The real reason why Christmas is important now is far less complicated than that. It is the same reason why the festival gaining popularity, and catching on with people of all faiths and cultures.

Christmas is a festival where it is okay to be commercialised, materialistic, and superficial, as long as you are happy, and as long as you make others happy. It is a time where the state of being happy and spreading love is not judged, because it is what you are expected to be. That in itself is something very precious, and for all those who would argue against the evils of Christmas and the inevitable shopping that comes with it, I would simply put it to them that maybe, we all just need that one day to just be happy and not have all that baggage that comes from doing so.

It seems almost silly, that in this age we have to be "allowed" to be happy. But the nature of life today rarely affords us time to be. If we are not working we are studying. And it is difficult to escape how busy we can become, if we allow ourselves to get caught up in everything we are expected to be involved in. There are those who would also argue that you can be happy just going about your daily life. That is perfectly true, but the interest of a capitalist world is in promoting a state of non-satiation, so you are constantly told that you cannot be happy unless you have more. Without doing so, economies would run into a standstill, because the production line never stops, and someone has to consume all those goods.

If you are wondering why happiness may be fleeting or superficial, it may well be because the pursuit of happiness has become the pursuit of material goods. You can't be happy unless you have the biggest car, the nicest house, and go on the most extravagant and ridiculously protracted holidays, buying up a storm wherever you go. You are constantly looking over your shoulder at others who seem to have more than you do, so much that you can't look at your own situation, and just accept what it is. It takes a very strong human being to tell himself the pursuit of material riches is not for him, because materialism is supposedly wrong. So you are being sent mixed signals. On one hand, you are told to buy all you can, and on the other, you are judged for doing so. Is it any wonder we need a license to be happy these days?

Today, I experimented with being a materialistic person. I threw all my conceptions of money out of the window, and just walked around Orchard Road buying presents. I shopped up quite a storm, and I have a buttload of receipts to prove it. All I can say is, it felt damn fucking good. All my life, I'd been telling myself I shouldn't spend money, that I should save it for a rainy day. But maybe, just maybe, I had forgotten that sometimes, just spending it occasionally is okay.

We all deserve to be happy, and life is too short to think otherwise. But more than anything else, I realised that I was happy because I was buying these gifts to deliver happiness to other people. Money by itself is hollow. Buying gifts by itself is also hollow, which is why you derive no happiness in buying a gift for someone you could not give a rat's ass about. It is the symbolism behind the gift, that you care about someone else, that you care about yourself enough to make that effort to deliver that extra little bit of happiness, that really matters. And it was a relief to finally take a break from judging how I used money for one day, within reasonable limits.

All this being said, I would still like to have that house in the picture. It does seem so nice, doesn't it?

Monkeys refuse unequal pay

This strike by SMRT bus drivers has been hogging all the news headlines recently. There is no point commenting on whether they have a right to strike, or whether they are right to do so. That certainly didn't bother them, and it's not going to stop them either.

In fact, I'm really interested in seeing how this unfolds, as this is a good case scenario as to how the government here will deal with dissidents. Better for some Chinese dudes to take a hit first and find out the hard way. Their home country does it better anyway.

It's funny though is how their actions are perhaps of a baser nature, as it seems that even monkeys reject unequal pay for doing the same thing.

SM Town Live World Tour III - Singapore 231112

I attended the concert just for this. Finally saw BoA in person after 10 years, woohoo! Hell of a singer, hell of a dancer, and very rightly the queen of Kpop.

There were many other good performances too, like the following.


Shinee - Not a Shinee fan, but I like quite a few of their songs, and they had the best remixed stages for the night. Their costumes were probably rejected from a circus somewhere though, especially Taemin's ridiculous outfit.


SNSD - WWJD, or What Was Jessica Doing?! Watch from 1:25 onwards as she forgets where she is supposed to stand and fumbles her way through the next 30 seconds. She is also very obviously out of sync with the other members. Was quite funny to watch though.


Super Junior - Sorry sorry sorry sorry naega naega naega naega... Sorry, the only SJ song I know.


EXO - Quite a few of the guys slipped in this one, given that the stage was still soaking wet. Fast forward to 0:36 to catch the most obvious one.


TVXQ - They performed Humanoid, which was quite something given its so new the MV isn't even out yet.


f(x) - Probably the coolest video of the lot. Credit to the girls of f(x) for performing under the pouring rain. The rain was so bad a quarter of the audience left. The song was called Electric Shock, so the lightning flashing overhead was a creepily good contrast.

Some pictures I snapped with my iPhone from my seat while chilling between performances.

 View of the stage from the seated area.

 Snapped during an SNSD performance.

 The fireworks at the end of the party.

Damn right.

Elitist lawyer wannabe gets trolled.

TL:DR version - Elitist lawyer wannabe gets trolled by fake SMRT Feedback Facebook, it gets ugly, and she ends up having the less savory aspects of her life republished online. The exchange also goes viral, to the bemusement of other fellow trolls.

This old man has the best job in the world...

As a massage therapist for professional models.

But he still isn't happy. Doesn't matter, it's still funny.

The philosophy of Breaking Bad.

"If religion is a reaction of man, and nothing more, it seems to me that it represents a human desire for wrongdoers to be punished. I hate the idea of Idi Amin living in Saudi Arabia for the last 25 years of his life. That galls me to no end. I feel some sort of need for biblical atonement, or justice, or something. I like to believe there is some comeuppance, that karma kicks in at some point, even if it takes years or decades to happen. My girlfriend says this great thing that’s become my philosophy as well. 'I want to believe there's a heaven. But I can't not believe there's a hell." - Vince Gilligan, creator of "Breaking Bad"

Perhaps one of the best arguments for what religion really is. At some point, it is no longer about whether there is really a heaven or hell, but whether humans need to believe in it. And I use the word "need", because as this argument says, maybe it really is borne out of desire.

A summer in France.

The talented Ms Beatrice Martin of Coeur de Pirate. Her songs were the soundtrack of my latest Eurotrip as I traversed across the meadows of France. There is nothing like a chick singing in French to help you better appreciate French scenery.

I was wandering around the outside of the cathedral of St Andre, probably the most imposing cathedral in the town square of Bordeaux. I remember this particular memory well, because it was a blustery day, with winds that whipped light threads of rain across your face, threads so cold they stung your face like little needles.

I had just concluded my tour of the insides of the cathedral. While it was spectacular, I was experiencing what could best be described as "church fatigue", the sensation you get after seeing one too many frescos and silent depictions of the crucification of Christ, that nothing else in the form of grandiose Gothic architecture could do more for you. It was perhaps telling that I found the Dutch tour guide more interesting than anything else in the cathedral. In an old stone building of cold marbled grey, she was tall and blonde. She reminded me exactly of the eponymous Dutch Lady, so much that I could imagine her wearing that milkmaid get up. And I don't mean that in a perverse way.

The view of St Andre's cathedral from the belltower. I distinctly remember thinking it resembled a spider.

Just before that, I had scaled the belltower of the church, a building separately housed from the cathedral because a bishop of ages past had deemed that the chiming of the giant bell in the tower would rock the foundations of the church.

The belltower was tall and narrow, and it offered a view over the arrondissements of Bordeaux that reflected a strange amalgamation of the old and new, where the old quarters of Bordeaux extended away from your eyes to be replaced by more modern looking metallic and glass structures closer to the horizon. It was a treat to be savoured, especially so given it was free, since the lady at the counter had mistakenly assumed that I was an overseas student and allowed me free admission to what would have otherwise been a rather expensive climb. I tried in vain to convince her of her mistake, but she wouldn't have it any other way. I guess you don't refuse charity when it is given. To do so would be to let down the noble intent of her actions.

The view from atop the belltower of the St Andre cathedral

Done with the views, it was a trek up a cobblestoned incline to find the next most interesting thing to see. And it was then when I was nearly totaled by a stunning French vision on a bicycle, whose appeals of "Pardon!" from behind me did not reach my ears till she was right next to me, scraping past so close I could feel the warmth of her body as she went past. And within a second, she was gone, cycling on ahead leaving a tiny gust in her wake. That was pretty much the story of every girl I met in France. Stunning visions who were gone with the wind as quickly as they appeared.

A cyclist making his way up a mountain road in the Pyrenees.

The beautiful quaint little village of Luz-St Saveur.

It was my second visit to France, and on this visit I experienced France in a much more profound way than I did before, when it was just a stop and go trip in Paris. I took long train rides across green meadows where sunflowers extended in all directions for miles, a yellow carpet meeting a clear blue sky. I visited a mountain village where the air was fresh with the light scent of dew, where time seemed to stand still because being summer, the sun rose early and never seemed to set. There was no reason to rush for anything, because there was literally nothing to do, and yet I found that I did not really mind. For once in my life it did not really matter where I was going, or what I would do next, where all that mattered was just taking in everything around you, and realising how out of the ordinary the whole experience was.

In Marseille, fishing is a respectable activity, not something carried out by shifty looking men dredging in longkangs.

The port of Marseille.

There was a port as well, in Marseille, where the very air smelled of fish, where the highlight of the local cuisine was a fish stew made by stewing several types of seafood in a pot for several days, so the resulting flavour can only be described as a epicurean explosion of the fishy kind on the palate. At the very best restaurants where they prepare this dish called bouillabaisse, you have to make your order a week in advance, because that is how long they stew it. The gourmet versions cost almost a 100 euros, a luxury of spending I did not have as a backpacker trying to experience Europe on a budget. The restaurant was located on the other side of the city too, so in the end I had to forgo that experience and settle for a dinner alongside the port.

In Marseille, I witnessed some of the best sunsets France had to offer as the last rays of warm yellow sun washed over the quickly darkening streets, atop that little church on the hill in the background centre of the picture just above this paragraph. It was also where I scrambled down the slopes of the hill quickly after the sun had set, because it got cold so rapidly it seemed that my blood would freeze in its veins as I hurried on down, buffeted by billowing gusts on the seaward side. I jumped at traffic lights waiting for the lights to change, because it seemed that I felt just a little warmer as I did that.

And I took my dinners in French restaurants where the waitresses politely tried to excuse my poor French, while I queried them on each and every single item on the menu, if only to make sure that the fish was indeed fish and not some form of chicken. Such was the state of my French that I constantly mixed up the words poulet (chicken) and poisson (fish). And it was almost comical how we both communicated haltingly, me in French and them in English.

It seemed that in every hostel I stayed in, there would be guests who had vastly different lives. One night it was a tanned California girl who worked as an English teacher in Madrid, the next it was another lady from Argentina who had just quit her job and was on a two month sabbatical in Europe. I remember her well because she had brought two gigantic suitcases full of clothes, and yet she wore the same flimsy article to sleep every night, further confirming the fact that women were a species who could not be understood.

Another night it was a reporter from Hongkong who spoke American accented English, whose wife worked as a wine reporter in Bordeaux. And then there was the 18 year old boy from America, in Europe for the first time and still very much raw and bereft of life's experiences, because in all his conversations, he would inevitably mention something his mother said.

Another night it would be an English eclipse chaser, who had the most fantastic stories about scrambling across the world exploring places where light turned into darkness, places as varied as the sands of Egypt and tiny nameless islands in the Pacific. And then there was a Peruvian girl who misplaced her contact lenses and had me scrambling all over the hostel room, probably the very first person I have ever met from Peru. And there was an Australian dude who worked as a handyman on a vineyard back in Australia just so he could save up cash and travel on the TransSiberian railway, which spanned across the whole of Russia and ended in Beijing.

It had me wondering, just where in this whole scheme of things did I fit, a Singaporean who was most certainly the oddest part of the jigsaw in this whole strange mural, who spoke English, looked Chinese and had bad French. But as the days went by it mattered less, because no matter where we all came from, we all shared a common love for adventure and experiences beyond the norm. It was the fuel that sparked a connection between all of us, different as we were, as we shared our experiences and realised that perhaps we had more in common than we ever thought possible.

And I could go on forever, because how do you put a journey of 18 days into a few hundred words, the sights, sounds, smells, experiences and places. But in a sense I'm lucky to have had all of it, because sometimes when I close my eyes, I am back there again, walking along the seaside at the coast of Marseille and smelling the tangy bent in the seaside air while watching seagulls circling schools of fishes in the sea. Climbing the mountains around the Pyrenees chasing the Tour de France, or plucking a bunch of grapes in the vineyards of Saint Emilion in Bordeaux.

Barreling down the roads in the vineyards of Saint Emilion, Bordeaux.

The village of Saint Emilion

The vehicles of the sponsors caravan in the Tour de France, throwing free stuff to the waiting crowd at the sides of the road

The cyclists of the Tour de France. The first Englishman to ever win the tour, Bradley Wiggins, is in yellow.

Of all of this, one memory still amuses me, of eating traditional Italian pizza drizzled with homemade chilli wine in a restaurant that played "Non, je ne regrette rien" (I regret nothing) by Edith Piaf. It was situated off a quiet road in Paris, where tourists walked in every few minutes to ask if they could use the toilet, only to be met with a firm no by the restauranteur. I watched as she turned away a Japanese family with several young kids in tow, a young couple very much in love, an elderly couple, and many others, emphasising firmly each time that there was a free toilet for tourists nearby. I made sure that before I left the restaurant, I did a very Singaporean thing.

I used their toilet.

Today I learnt that the song I'd been listening to was actually a ripoff of not one, but two other songs. Holy shit.

I rediscovered the old 2004 hit I Don't Wanna Know by Mario Winans while surfing Youtube, and I was like if this guy is so talented in writing a melody with such a great hook in it, why is it that I haven't heard any more of him since then?



And then I found out it was actually a copy of this song, Ready or Not by the Fugees.



Which was in itself a copy of this other song, Boudicea by Enya



So a song about an ancient British queen who burned down Roman-occupied London in ancient times eventually became a song about a cheating girlfriend.

Nothing inspires the creative music juices like a cheating hoe.

Letters from the sky.

Civil Twilight with Letters from the Sky

Normally, a band with the word "Twilight" in its name is a gamebreaker for me. But I've had to revise my expectations a little after Muse sold out and put their songs on Twilight. I know its hip to hate Twilight and all, but I actually watched it and I still don't get why girls like it so much.

Then I came upon this band Civil Twilight, which has an interesting sound. Hailing from Cape Town, South Africa, they are a three-piece outfit with sound similarities to other keyboard driven bands like Radiohead and Muse, which is a moot comparison because people always lump these two bands together and claim they sound the same, so much that Muse basically sold out and became pop cheese in an attempt to de-Radiohead themselves.

But strangely their music makes me think of small-town America. Don't ask me why, music just does that to me.


This is my other earworm of the week, an old one, The man who can't be moved by The Script. When I first saw the title I loled and thought of a really fat man. I'm glad some people share the same sense of humour, albeit in a warped way, judging from the top comment on Youtube, which goes "Adel - the woman who can't be moved".

It's actually spelt Adele, but that sure was a low blow.

Waiting for an iPhone 5...for no reason

This guy Sam is patronising this woman (Rachel), but he is doing it with a face so straight it might be difficult to tell. But truth be told, she's helping him along quite a fair bit with the answers she gives. Check out a choice selection below.

S: It is a smart thing to avoid the Internet, so what are you planning to use your smartphone for?
R: Texting, messages to my friends...(runs out of things to say and becomes silent)
S: Well, it's good to get an iPhone then.

S: What are the features of the iPhone that have you so excited?
R: I'm not sure, because I have not seen it yet, but I'm pretty sure that it would be really cool to use every day... like a laptop?

S: You're at a good point, because you have no idea what the iPhone 5 offers, so while all these people would be disappointed, or know what to expect, it's all going to be a surprise for you.
R: Yeah, and I can't wait too, because I heard it's only 200 dollars, instead of 800 dollars, so I'm very enthused, and I'm going to buy 2 or 3 phones.
S: So what happens if you get into a store and it costs more than 200?
R: That's right, cos I have my credit card.
S: Perfect, pay later.
R: Why not, I'll just see what happens.

S: (Referring to the iPhone 5) It has a camera.
R: I guess so. I've never owned anything like that in my life.
S: It will take still pictures of moving images.
R: That's even better!

Press for shiok.

Got a pay raise? Socked a baby kitten? Kicked someone's ass? Press this button and soak it in. For better effects, press it a few times.

A taller change than expected.

Half a million iphone parodies out there, but it doesn't make this one any less hilarious. 18% thinner, and 795% taller than the previous iphone. Damn right.

PSY - GANGNAM STYLE(NBC TODAY LIVE SHOW)

This is too awesome. If you're talented, it doesn't matter whether you're fat, Korean or middle aged.

When information becomes too much information.

If you knew what went into your food these days, there is a high chance you wouldn't eat it. There are those who argue that food should be as nature intended it to be, au naturel and without chemical preservatives. The truth is, if that were the case, you probably wouldn't eat it, for the simple reason that it would be ugly.

You know those polished apples you see in the supermarkets? How your mom tells you to always pick the ones that aren't bruised, don't have pockmarks, discolorations or imperfections of any sort? Now think about it. How natural does that seem to you? That a perfectly ripe apple would just sit in an orchard somewhere and remain unmolested by any form of vermin.

Yes, it isn't natural at all. And now, you must be wondering just what they do to these fruits to make sure the vermin stay away. And now, this is the scariest part. You can actually find out, because of this huge resource called the Internet.

One fine lazy Sunday, I had the misfortune to wonder just what McNuggets were made of. I always assumed that they were you know, made of chicken meat, just the leftover bits that nobody wants, then it all gets ground up and made into nuggets. By bits no one wants, I always assumed like the ass of the chicken, some of its internal organs, or some shit like that.

Well, turns out I was half right about that. Turns out the reality was far grosser. Doing a simple search on Google with the search term "Chicken McNuggets", I found out that the processed meat that went into nuggets is called machine-processed chicken, which is what some greedy poultry businessman came up with to I kid you not, squeeze more chicken out of chicken than once thought humanly possible.

Basically, his premise was to invent machines that used pressure to separate every single morsel of chicken flesh still stuck to the bone, so he could maximise every scrap of meat. You aren't even that thorough when you eat chicken man, half the time you leave meat on the bones when you throw them away. Well, it turns out that the end product of this process is a pink goop, not unlike play-doh. And this is the same shit that goes into sausages or any other kind of processed meat product.

This is what McNuggets are made of. If you think it looks like strawberry ice cream, that's what I first thought too.

If you thought that was gross enough, you should read about what they do to it. Apparently, the product is so unpalatable and bacteria ridden, they use ammonia to sterilise it, before flavouring it with chicken broth. This is basically saying that you have to put the chicken back into it so that people know its chicken. And then they add some chemical that's butane-based (like lighter fuel) called TBHQ to it so it stays fresh longer.

To me, anything in the ingredients list that is abbreviated is a bad sign, because it is a sure sign that it's some chemical that isn't natural, and it's probably something they don't want you to know too much about either.

Ironically, knowing all this shit is still not going to stop me from eating it. If there is anything I've learnt about life, it is that if you worry too much about what you are putting into the system, you will never enjoy food again. To me, a life of not ever eating another McNugget is a fate worse than death, so well, who cares.

It may be toxic, it may be disgusting, but its so damned delicious. I'm loving it.

Fake Celebrity Pranks New York City

Epic Troll Time. If he'd carried on this prank he might have scored big time, because some people really can't tell the difference.

Because I'm free, nothin's worrying me.

"Poems are written to be read and lyrics are written to be sung. I am a lyricist and the lyrics on this page were written to be sung" - Hal David (1921 - 2012)

For putting emotions into songs and colour into lives, and for using words to demonstrate that the beautiful things in life are really so simple, thank you. I didn't know you, but your work touched my life in the same way it touched countless others, accompanying me in quiet sidewalks, on rainy days, infusing my childhood memories like a gentle breeze on a warm summer day.

In fact, your work touched the lives of a another yellow-skinned family as well. 


Random trivia: "Close to You" is Homer and Marge's love song in The Simpsons.

2 hamsters 1 wheel.

Press play for one minute of pure unadulterated lol.

If a human could fly, this would be it.

If a human could fly, this would be it. Since ancient times, humans have always dreamt of flight, but perhaps it is only in this century that it has actually become more probable.

This video reminded me of the following cute animated short called "Kiwi", only that the guy doesn't go splat at the end.

He just wanted to fly.

Sophisticated fuckery.

Have you ever read an article and at the end of it wondered just what it was about? If you have experienced such writing by supposed intellectuals, you are not alone.

There was once a hoax perpetuated by Alan Sokal, a physics professor at New York University in 1996. The hoax, called the Sokal affair, was basically an attempt by him to show that intellectuals had become ensconced in their ivory towers of intellectuals. He showed that as long as you wrote something intelligent sounding that was actually full of obtuse balderdash and sprinkled with random esoteric facts, it would actually be published in a scientific journal, even if it was absolute rubbish.

That one hoax so embarrassed the intellectual community that they closed ranks, and walled themselves off even further in their ivory castles of intellectualism by instituting the system of peer review. That is effectively a system where smart people give backslaps and backrubs to other smart people while others die trying to get a look in.

I tried to read the article, a link of which is posted here. I didn't understand one bit of it, and for once I didn't even have to pretend to, because the owner admitted just as much that it was absolute nonsense. But I have read other things that actually made me realise that for all of my education, I am not even scratching the surface of smart. I think that is the hallmark of genius, when something is just so ridiculously difficult to understand that it is just about complete rubbish to most people, but makes perfect sense to a special few.

As to what I mean by not even scratching the surface of smart, try understanding this esoteric programming language. It is called brainfuck, and with good reason. Don't feel sad if you read the whole thing and did not understand a word. And people actually code in that, some of them for fun. And while reading up on that I learnt about a formula that supposedly plots itself on a graph, called Tupper's Self-Referential formula. I thought it was cool enough that this was possible, nevermind that I did not understand one iota of what it was all about. Then you get some Indian genius (and yes he had to be Indian because this is IT stuff) who debunks the whole thing here.

This is why I end up reading Reddit and 9gag in my office. It is so lame at times, it makes me feel happy. I feel like I belong to the community.

In this age though, where so much information is now readily available on so many things, is there really an excuse for anyone to claim that they could not learn or do something because they never learnt it in school? You can learn just about anything off the Internet these days. I've learnt half a million things off Youtube.

Granted, there are some things you can't learn on Youtube, like how to increase Singapore's birth rates. That is one problem so difficult, you can put all of Singapore's best brains in a thinktank, and the best solution you have in the end is to give extra baby bonuses and to get the old man to exhort (yet again) for married couples to have more babies. Which is the same solution that has been used all these years that has proved ineffective.

I guess the government doesn't get that raising a family is not just about getting the baby out there, which is effectively all the one time baby bonus is good for. There is the bigger question of having to raise the kid for 21 years, which the government cannot do for you, and it is perfectly understandable if couples don't want to have more kids because they don't want to commit to anything like that.

Have you seen how families here have to fight for Primary 1 school places? Would you want to raise a kid in a place where you can't even get a place in a school that's right next to your overly expensive flat, which means you have to pay even more for school buses, an additional financial strain next to your already crushing housing loans. And all that because you paid a premium for the flat as it was near to the school, so you could get your kid into that very same school? Oh, the fuckery.

I'd actually go with creating a department in some ministry somewhere for married civil servants to dance the horizontal tango during work hours to create the kids, but I am not sure Singaporeans are ready to pay the government to have babies for them. I am sure glad that I'm not a policymaker, because there are some problems that cannot really be solved.

A North Korean family just delighted to meet their Dear Leader

You can't fake the sheer joy this family displays as they pose with their Dear Leader. I can't tell whether they are overjoyed that they are getting extra rice rations, whether somebody is pointing guns at them, or whether they are a few moments away from pissing in their only pair of good pants from being in the presence of the divine.

Interesting note: As someone on the internet pointed out, the kid in the middle has a badass haircut.

Revenge is a dish best served pink.

Quite possibly, the best f-rape revenge ever. Thank you sir for this. Epic lols.

The human jukebox

The basic premise: Put a coin into one of those bottles and they play a song for you. Quite a cool idea really and quite entertaining to watch.

The end of the video is an example of why although this is a good idea, you can't do this more than once. $76.38 after several hours? You earn far more money selling chicken rice, or luring men into 17-year old underaged honeytraps. And really after awhile the novelty wears off, unless you're a troll with a lot of coins who just enjoys putting more and more coins into Bach and then Fast Forward to see how long it takes before one of them gives up.

But in any case, the channel collectivecadenza, or cdza featuring these guys is quite interesting. I'm waiting to see if they come out with any more interesting stuff, like this.


Press 2:02 to get rickrolled. You're welcome.

You can also watch how the songs get progressively worse. The people who say music ain't what it used to be? Maybe they have a point.

Only in Russia.

If you asked me which country had the craziest people on the roads, I would tell you Russia. You think China has it bad? Wait till you see this following video.



As though a troll on a trolley wasn't bad enough, they have monster trucks. And their monster trucks aren't just simply monster trucks, they are literally monsters on the roads, as the next two videos will attest.


I have it on good authority that the expression used by the driver before the crash, "Ay Blet!" means "Oh fuck!" in Russian.


You would literally wet your pants if you were a driver and saw this one. And there are worse videos where vehicles and their drivers get obliterated, but you can search for those yourself.

And if you're wondering why every car in Russia has a dash cam on it, its because the drivers there are routinely victims of insurance scams where cars swoop and squat in front of your car to have you ram into them, so they can try to claim insurance money from you, and the only way to prevent it is to well, have a dashcam, as shown in this video.

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen (Chatroulette Version)

This video. So fucking funny. I split my sides laughing at this shit and I watched it three more times after that. You'd think it'd be impossible to make another Call Me Maybe parody considering there are already hundreds out there, but this is the only one that features a scantily clad bearded woman on Chatroulette. 

And the guy at 1:09 is freaking creepy, he looks like the kind of guy who drives a van around kidnapping and raping people.

But apparently such antics are not an isolated case, going by this rendition of Lady Gaga's Telephone.



This uploader is quite the joker. His description reads "Hello internet world, my name is Steve Kardynal. Today you need to smile. You need to smile so big it hurts your cheeks."

Don't watch his other stuff though. It's crap, these are just the rare exceptions.

Movie, why you so expensive.

Today I watched The Bourne Legacy, and it cost me $10. I remember the days when a movie cost $5 on Tuesdays, which was back in my secondary school days. Then it became $7, then $7.50, then $8. And then they closed all the seedy places with sticky seats and strange smells like Princess and the infamous Yangtze, where almost all the moviegoers had tissue paper and newspapers, and I was left with the ridiculously expensive places.

Now, what's the problem with paying $10 for a movie? Well, the basic premise is this. If a movie costs me $10, it better be damn bloody awesome. Unfortunately, it is impossible for most movies to be damn bloody awesome, because in the past when I went to watch movies, it was just to have a good time and fritter away 2 hours in mindless entertainment. But because it is now so expensive, there is a value premium added on to it that just about ruins every single movie experience I have in the cinemas.

Now, I evaluate every movie, and by the halfway point I usually already know whether I'm watching a great movie, or whether I just wasted $10. The key is, if you are actually thinking about whether you wasted money, its garbage. Or maybe it's just blah, but movies cannot be blah for $10 a pop.

Very blah. Lots of explosions, but too much shit about biology, viruses and chemicals that blew my mind and made me wish that this just focused on being an action flick. Sorry Jeremy Renner, you had balls of steel in The Hurt Locker, but Matt Damon as Jason Bourne still owns big time.

On the other hand, I can't wait for this. The first movie was the best action flick ever, because Liam Neeson was just that badass.



By the way, this is what happens if you take his daughter, who just happens to be the impossibly hot Maggie Grace. Just saying.


"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

Life advice: Don't fuck around with a dad who has a hot daughter. Chances are, he will look for you, he will find you, and he will kill you.

Who say Ah Gong die one? Show you proof.

Ah Gong appears at NDP 2012

To all those gossiping that he had passed on, here's a choice quote for you.

"Even from my sick bed, even if you are going to lower me into the grave and I feel something is going wrong, I will get up." - Ah Gong at 1988 NDP Rally.

Because he is the Ah Gong of Singapore, he does not go until he wants to. Which is probably never, as evidenced by the next quote.

"Who dares to tell me that my time is up? I'm on the J.P. Morgan board, the (French oil giant) Total board and a few other boards. When they reappointed me, I told them,'Look, the moment I'm slipping, please tell me. I'm already 80-plus"
-Source: The Straits Times 22 Jan 2011

Live and repent! 

Earworms earworms.

Oppa Gangnam Style! You either get it or you don't. If you don't you're missing out!

Like T-Pain said, "Words cannot even describe how amazing this video is..." I don't normally give a shit what T-Pain says, but this time he's right.

And of course, with anything this awesome, you just gotta learn the dance!



Here's another one of my latest earworms, but this one silently crept up on me and now its stuck. Presenting "My Party" by Brandon and Leah.



And the last one is a guilty pleasure. I know he's the British Justin Bieber but the song's catchy.

Ready, get set, go!

Do your patriotic duty and tap your lady all night like you tap an EZ link card. Come on.

Ridiculously funny subtitled videos.

Singlish at its best.


And the reason why we love Chinese people speaking English. I spent a whole morning at work going through Miss World videos but this one really took the cake.

The best comment off Youtube? This one.

i liked her... until she opened her mouth. lol transcript:
hi, i'm wen xi yu; i come from china. i low to smell, and the, i like music. i study chinese folk music. people think, the new work such as farming or peeking tea lives. so i think, it is simple and beautiful, and music is universal. if i win miss word, i hope to shell my comb patient, and the, to help pee pole imp para-tate. thank you.

And in a random aside, my app of the week is this funny app called Office Politics. While its a classic whac-a-mole game, its still wickedly funny going through the descriptions of the different clans and identifying people you know who actually belong to each one, like the Shadow Ninjas and Office Bimbos and so on. The gameplay itself is quite engaging too, good for time wasting on MRT rides.

The more work there is, the higher their level.

Sound like anyone you know?

Adorable screenshots from the Apple store and website. Just search "Office Politics" on the Apple store and have fun!

newest guilty pleasure

I love this show. I never understood Barney Stinson's obsession with suits, until I watched this drama and realised that a suit is a modern day superhero costume. It exudes power, confidence and money. Basically, this drama is about work in one of the top law firms in New York, with a fascinating backstory involving an associate with an eidetic memory that you should really find out for yourself.

That aside, this drama has probably some of the wittiest dialogue I've ever seen, like the example below.

Louis: So what, is this new cologne the scent of jealousy?
Harvey: You don't recognize your wife's perfume? I know, you're not married. Still funny.

The dialogue is snarky, filled with clever pop culture references, and you never know what to expect, except to find yourself constantly amazed at the quick turns of phrase and situations that turn up. I really like how watching dramas gives me an insight into different worlds, like Gossipgirl did, except that after awhile I started smashing my head into the wall at how one dimensional the characters in that show were. In other words, insecure, rich, ultimately boring.

And refreshingly, this show also has a cast of really strong women. By strong women, I mean hot women who are not flower vases, neither are they afraid to go toe to toe with the men, unlike so many other shows out there where they just play second fiddle. In this show, the women actually make their screen time count, and not only are they smarter than the men in some cases, they have other tricks up their sleeves which they use to get what they want. And most of all, they are not bitchy, which after watching Gossipgirl for awhile really made me want to give Blair one kick up the backside and ask her to grow up.

But of course words don't do the show justice. Here's a clip from the show featuring my two favourite characters Harvey and Donna.



No more boring MRT rides for another 2 weeks woohoo.

The Queen is back.

If you don't understand the shiny packaged music that is Kpop, this is not for you. Otherwise, fuck yeah. BoA is back, and in Kpop terms that is cataclysmic. Jpop fans would probably howl in protest, but I personally think she's more talented than Ayumi Hamasaki because Ayumi could never dance like that.

BoA started out early and achieved success in both the Korean and Japanese charts at the young age of 15, at a time when the Japanese and Korean markets were hostile to each other, having only recently opened to each other since World War 2 following the joint hosting of World Cup 2002. That gave the rising Korean wave all the impetus it needed to gain ascendancy and become mainstream, with the release of the ridiculously weepy Winter Sonata and the advent of the unstoppable pop sensation known as BoA forming a twin pincer attack to ensnare both the young and the old. As anyone who has encountered a pincer will know, it has one hell of a deathgrip.

For once, Japan had a 15-year old female idol who was actually cool and unafraid to show it, instead of one prancing around in a school uniform acting cute while selling her underwear in some vending machine elsewhere. Even the Japanese got sick of their own twisted shit that revolves around a fantasy of eternal adolescence. But old habits die hard. They have recently taken to another group that is called AKB48 that is exactly like that, only that there are literally hundreds of these nubile cutesy teenage girls in the same group. After all, it is like drug withdrawal, after awhile one girl won't do, you need one hundred to get that same twisted kick.

Well, going back to the queen of Kpop, how talented is BoA? She writes some of her songs, she dances extremely well, and her singing would put most of the current batch of Korean idols to shame. To put it succinctly, she is not only the predecessor of the current batch of Korean idols, she is also more talented than many of them put together, and on top of that, she achieved success by herself at an age when most of them were still training in Korea, and in the traditionally closeted and xenophobic Japanese market. That means she had to sing in Japanese, because there is no other way the Japanese will buy your albums, and she paved the way for all future Kpop groups in Japan.


She did this at 15. While I was 15 I didn't know jackshit. Even now this is still ridiculous for a 15 year old.

She then lost her way a little in trying to expand to the US, because no matter how hot or talented you are, Americans will not hit anything with small eyes, even if that thing is BoA, but they will hit rubbish like Paris Hilton and Justin Bieber.

But now she's back and I'm loving it, though I still hate McDonalds for charging 30 cents for curry sauce. Capitalist bastards.

I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.

Feng Tianwei clinches Singapore's first Olympic table tennis singles medal

View Poll Results: Do you feel proud as a Singapore when FTW won the medal?
Yes		16	15.84%
No		85	84.16%
Voters: 101.

Poll taken off hardwarezone forums

Singapore's Feng Tianwei celebrates winning a point during her table tennis women's bronze medal singles match against Japan's Kasumi Ishikawa for The London 2012 Olympic Games at The Excel Centre in London on Aug 1, 2012. -- PHOTO: AFP

As a Singaporean, I have mixed feelings about this victory, but the two feelings are very distinct. While I am happy for FTW (she has the initials FTW how awesome is that), her victory is very hollow for me as a local born and bred Singaporean.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not denying that she has put in a lot of hard work, and that her heart is very much with Singapore. She has demonstrated that countless times, and I feel that as a nation we really can't thank the brave ladies of the table tennis team enough. You have to salute the courage and audacity of this woman, to go to a stage like the Olympics consistently against higher ranked opponents and taking the game to them. But perhaps you could argue that was what she was brought here to do.

As a Singaporean who was born here, her victory will never resonate with me at the same level as one won by someone who is truly one of our own, who grew up in a HDB flat, eating nasi lemak and chicken rice and playing childhood games like chapteh and hopscotch. Sure, those days are a fast fading memory of a time when Singapore was a simpler place populated by our own, where everyone knew each other because we all grew up together. But those are the days that tie me to the land of my birth, the days when Singapore was well and truly my home, not the strange country that it has become these days, where I am more likely to run into a foreigner than a fellow Singaporean on the streets in some parts of the country.

I think the poll on hardwarezone forums pretty much demonstrates the level of national pride at the victory. You can say what you want about the denizens of that forum, but they do very much represent the young heartlanders of the Singaporean population.

It might also represent the general malaise that afflicts our sporting scene, where effectiveness and efficiency is prized over passion. Sports is all about passion, because only passion will drive sportsmen to the Olympian heights through all the hurdles of rigorous training, through the injuries, through the inevitable disappointments. I once read a news article about a swimmer, which went along these lines. "She got up at 4am every day, and hit the pool when it was still cold, swimming 50 laps before the sun was up. Every single day, come rain or shine, no matter how tired she was, no matter how much her body screamed at her wanting that extra bit of sleep." I know how painful and difficult it is to get up early in the mornings to train. I do it myself, and I don't succeed every time. That is the level of dedication it takes to become an Olympian. You sacrifice everything for a single goal.

But though it is pretty obvious that team sports like soccer and basketball are some of the great national passions, Singapore has chosen to place its faith in individual sports like swimming, sailing, bowling, shooting and table tennis, for the obvious reason that they have the chance for higher medal tallies, and not team sports like soccer, basketball or volleyball. But how many Singaporeans actually do these sports consistently? Do you notice that we have far more people populating our basketball courts and soccer courts than table tennis tables or shooting ranges? Even if I were to reduce each team of basketball or soccer players to count as one, I'm still pretty sure there are more soccer teams than table tennis players in Singapore.

Just because its easier to train athletes in hothouses for certain sports so you can try to manufacture success doesn't mean that it is the right way to do it. The heart of the athletic youth in our population is simply not in sports in table tennis or shooting. Try finding me 10 Singaporeans who can understand how shooting is scored, and I don't mean that you find me the school's air rifle team.

Funding for sports in Singapore is often limited, withdrawn the moment athletes fail. But failing is pretty much part and parcel of sport. No athlete wins all the time. But the athletes here are brought up in a culture where they cannot fail, and because of that, they fail. Because if you cannot fail, you cannot learn. I'm not advocating a blank cheque, but I am advocating more faith in local sportsmen. Rather than spend all that money bringing foreigners here, invest a little more in our own, give them that extra money to fail and try again. To try again till one day they succeed and we can truly call the victory our own. Give some more time to build a base of sporting talents, rather than parachuting in foreigners to try and fill the talent gap.

It is possible for small nations to feature at international team competitions like the World Cup. I will give you the example of Uruguay, with a population of 3.2 million, much less than that of Singapore, with a GDP that is nowhere near ours. If they can produce stars like Diego Forlan, and are currently ranked #2, yes I kid you not, they are just behind Spain, and ahead of traditional footballing powerhouses like Germany, Italy and Brazil, why not Singapore? I am arguing for soccer because it is without a doubt the biggest sport here. Just look at how many people follow the BPL.

I hope that within my lifetime, I will see a Singaporean born and bred here win an Olympic medal, or a Singaporean team make it to the World Cup.

Things to do before you die - #3

This was an expedition a year in the making. When I realised a year ago that there simply wasn't enough money for a proper grad trip, I made up my mind that it would not stop me from taking one, even if I had to do it one year down the road. It was a trip that took a whole year to plan, not least because of the complexity of trying to coordinate it with another person who was overseas and the cost of it all, but I'm a firm believer that you should never let money stop you from doing the things you want to do. If you have to you work a little harder for it, but it should never be that stumbling block.

I took up several part time ad hoc jobs on top of my day job to pay for this trip, and it ended up costing me more than I thought it would because of unforseen circumstances, but looking back I would do it again, because you can never put a price on the experiences you gain through travel.

On this trip I struck off several more entries on my bucket list. Numbers #3, #4 and #5.


#3 - Visiting Greece
It was always a dream of mine to visit Greece, because I grew up reading about the civilisation that was Ancient Greece. About the story of Oedipus Rex, whose story defined the terms Elektra complex. Or the minotaur of Crete, the 12 feats of Hercules, and the story of Daedelus and Icarus, the boy who flew so high on waxen wings the sun melted them and he fell, giving rise literally to the term "high-flyer". About the stories of the endless bickering between the Olympian Gods, Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hephaestus, Athena, Apollo etc. Now, that's the PR version I tell my family and colleagues.

The not so PR version, which is the version I prefer using, is I wanted to visit the land where King Leonidas and his 300 red caped underwear wearing crusaders beat the stuffing out of a bunch of Persian savages with piercings in all sorts of unimaginable places. Every time I watch that movie I get a ridiculous testosterone rush, and I go out and kick a few cats. It is virtually the Mecca of every man who has been through NS. You think you had it bad? Fuck, you didn't have to serve in your underwear. Red underwear at that.

In reality, seeing Greece up close firsthand brought up mixed emotions. On one hand, the legacy of the past was nothing less than spectacular. And the Greek islands were all they were fabled to be, stunningly beautiful with crystal blue seas and the most pristine beaches. On the other, it brought the reality of the present harshly into focus, a country who is perhaps struggling to rediscover some remnant of its former glory, but is otherwise pretty much a forgotten corner of the world, left to milk and exploit its cultural history for whatever monetary value its worth.

Even in Athens, the capital and most populated city, you got a sense that any real industry was absent, and that the economy was solely concentrated on selling one aspect, tourism. In other words, they were very unapologetic about charging me ridiculous prices for everything, because with every Euro I spent there, I ensured that another family would not go starving that night. The things you do in the name of charity. I virtually grew a pair of angel wings just by visiting and throwing Euros of love.

Before I visited, I was asked many questions about my choice of destination. I was told it was dangerous. To that, I would answer that Athens is generally safe, but stick to Plaka and the surrounding areas, which are the tourist districts. There are pickpockets who will brazenly try to steal your wallet in broad daylight on the metros, and there are conmen hanging around the metro stations who will ask you for money to buy tickets. They target Asian tourists because we have small eyes so we can't stare them down, but you have to be prepared for that.

If I sound harsh, I have to emphasise that Greece was really an excellent experience, despite the 38C summer heat and the fact that I got really sick of eating Gyros after like 5 days. Gyros is basically a kebab pita wrap with like fries, onions and tzatziki sauce, which I wasn't exactly a fan of because it looked like mayonnaise but tasted sourish like sauerkraut. I guess its an acquired taste. The Greek islands have some of the freshest and best cooked seafood I have ever tasted in my life, its almost as though they catch the fish from the sea while you are waiting for your order and then they cook it in the kitchen of the Olympian gods. Actually, I jest, because the Olympian gods are currently all in London.

I have to apologise in advance for the scarcity of pictures here, because most of them are on my Facebook. It really wasn't quite possible for me to upload 300 pictures here, and I'm quite lazy these days.

The charming streets of Plaka, the tourist district of Athens.

The city of Athens, as seen atop Acropolis hill

 Atop the Acropolis

Acropolis as seen from another angle

The temple of Hephaestus, the God of War.

On a cruise to Aegina island with one of my best friends Danson

The other friends I met on the cruise, which included 3 South Africans, an Englishman and two Canadians.

Riding an ATV on Santorini island. It was fun until I crashed it, but that's a story for another time.

Fira, the capital of Santorini

The Red Beach of Santorini. If you have little time, this is one of the must see beaches. Santorini has close to 10 or so notable beaches, but my recommendations would be Red Beach and Perissa Beach. After awhile they are all the same and its way more fun ATVing around.

The beautiful city of Oia. In my opinion Oia is much more beautiful than Fira, so you must visit this town even though its like in the north corner of Santorini far away from everything else.

The town of Oia. I'm not putting many more pictures because I don't think pictures do enough justice to the place. The main thing about Oia is catching the sunset, which you must catch here if you visit Santorini.

Oia from another angle.

Catching the sunset at Oia with what seemed like half a million other tourists.

Perissa Beach, Santorini. Personally my favourite, because it was right outside my hostel and it was gorgeous.

Ruins at Heraklion, capital of Crete

The old Venetian port at Heraklion, Crete

To be continued, #4 and #5.