Xmas@Orchard. A whimsical christmas.

Christmas at Orchard is really quite an experience. For one, it is very crowded. Although it is still nowhere as crowded as Chinatown on CNY eve. If you want to know what being suffocated is like, go to Chinatown on CNY eve. If you just want to see a lot of people, go to Orchard Road on Xmas eve and Xmas.

A lot of people. To be specific, a lot of moving people. I need a camera with a better shutter speed, but this year Santa gave me a miss because my house has no chimney.

Secondly, there are also a lot of shops offering sales, so if you think you have a bit of extra money, you could do some shopping. Most shopkeepers are actually rather desperate to clear goods so you might actually start seeing some pretty good discounts. Just in case you were wondering, I am not being paid commission to advertise. I am doing it out of Xmas goodwill.

I was deliberating what to call this post, until I chanced upon this brightly lighted Xmas tree outside Paragon.

A whimsical Christmas. For those who don't know what whimsical is, it means something happening on one's own fancy, often erratic and unpredictable. A whim took me to Orchard Road, so it was kinda perfect.

There were actually quite a number of performances being put up by different groups on Orchard Road itself, and several of them were actually quite good. There was a skit and several vocal performances, and they held the crowd captive. I also walked past a choir.

I actually took pictures of them, but because the conductor in front kept swaying from side to side I got the choir, and a white blur in front for all my pictures. Pity.

A huge crowd watching the stage performance from the screens, because they were too far from the stage. The whimsical Xmas tree is in the background.

People watching the stage in the background. The blurry guys in front are the inconsiderate people who walked past just as I took this shot. Well they are permanently immortalised in blur form. You can see the nice overhead decor too.

There were actually many policemen around to direct traffic. What I didn't get was the police fencing off the entrances to Ngee Ann City and allowing people to enter only from one particular point. A major inconvenience especially since it was extremely difficult to move along Orchard Road due to the crowd.

Orchard Road was actually quite beautifully decorated this year, as the next few pictures will attest.

Princess and castle. There were many people queuing up to take pictures in front of this.

The entrance to the Heeren. I liked the spiral Xmas trees, and the hanging lights.

Centrepoint entrance. I would have taken a better shot if not for the many people below taking pictures in front of this. But its really quite nice if you see it for yourself.

I LOL-ed at this fish tank. I know "La Mer" means "the sea" in french, but trust me that wasn't the first word that came to mind when I saw this fish tank.

I felt like I owned Orchard Road when I took this shot. I was like standing right in the middle of the road for about half a minute admiring the utter lack of vehicles, till this bus came along.

If you have nothing better to do on Xmas next year, consider visiting Orchard Road.

Perhaps I should have said something...

Have you ever been in a situation where you saw something, you wanted to say something, then in the end you didn't say it and you end up thinking about what if you had actually said something.

I was in such a situation. I was on an MRT going west towards Boon Lay, and the whole row of seats was filled except for the one on my left, because that particular seat had liquid on it. I wasn't about to do charity and wipe the seat because I had not the faintest idea of where the liquid came from. Liquid of dubious origin is really best left alone. Really.

And so it happened that the train stopped at Raffles Place station. Everyone knows that this station has lots of people, which means no empty seats, except the one on my left. So this guy came in, and I knew he was going to sit on that seat. I could see it in his eyes, the determination, the drive, the fire in his look as he walked nearer, the certainty as he approached the seat, that the seat was his for the taking.

I hesitated for a moment, because I wasn't sure if I should say something. And before I could open my mouth, he plonked his huge ass right smack on the seat. At this point, it was pointless telling him because he would be angry that I hadn't told him earlier.

So in my mind, I silently applauded his selflessness at using his jeans to clean the seat. Bravo tissue ass!

In this time and age, how many people will still sacrifice their jeans to clean dirty seats? How very noble! How selfless! A good Samaritan in this time and age! It brings tears to my eyes!

However, all throughout the journey though I wondered, what if the liquid soaked through his jeans and somehow he felt a coolness on his arse? If that happened, I'd have to do my best "I'm sleeping so don't look at me I don't know anything" act. But apparently, he never felt a thing, and when he left at Jurong East station, the seat was clean and dry.

Perhaps I should have said something. So I'll say it here now. Look before you sit.

Taxis are too freaking expensive.

Taxis are totally too freaking expensive these days. In fact, they are so expensive it has actually become cheaper to drive into town and park there than to take a cab in and cab out. Despite the fact that petrol is so costly its close to almost a hundred for a full tank now when it used to be a dollar a litre like only a few years back.

Here's a case in point. This is what happens when you call for a cab and you happen to be in the city area.

Booking fee: $2.50
City surcharge: $3.00
Starting fare: $2.80

Before you even move a single metre, you're already paying $8.30. Happiness. The days of the single dollar digit cab fare are over. Seriously. Unless you're cabbing for like 5 minutes, be prepared to pay at least 10 dollars.

And the most fantastic part? The meter now jumps by 20 cents, and the distance by which it jumps by 20 cents is less than the distance that two 10 cent jumps used to give you. Which means that you pay more now for the same distance.

And the midnight surcharge? Don't even get me started. The cabs after midnight start at $4.20, and they jump by 30 cents, thanks to the 1.5 times cab fare midnight surcharge. A distance of about 3 MRT stations yielded me a cab fare of 10 dollars, thank you very much.

The conclusion? We should all start getting bicycles.

Muse Blows.

Muse, consisting of vocalist/guitarist/keyboardist Matthew Bellamy, bassist Chris Wolstenholme and drummer Dominic Howard

Its not often in your life that you meet something that just takes your whole essence of your being away. I would stop short of worshipping this band, but they are seriously freaking talented with insane stage presence, if everyone didn't know that already.

So I'll say again, Muse blows. When I first heard Starlight, probably their most commercially successful single, I simply thought "hmm decent band, decent song." So I started exploring their works. And the more I explored, the more gems I dug up.

It isn't often that you can find a band where every song is actually worth listening to again, and on the first hearing too. And even scarier is the fact that their live shows actually sound better than their recordings. That means that they are really freaking genius because on a live show, you can't do all those studio manipulation things.

Plus the fact that on live shows they add improvisations that aren't found in the recordings, which few bands nowadays dare to do, because if you screw up on a live show, the impression left on the fans is indelible. Check out the Butterflies and Hurricanes piano solo on Youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTd6nyHuPdw. And take note this is a live show. The bass is fantastic too.

How is it possible that just 3 people can make songs like Butterflies and Hurricanes, Stockholm Syndrome, Supermassive Black Hole and Bliss is totally beyond me. Most people unfamiliar with Muse would probably only know about their latest album, Black Holes and Revelations. No doubt that is one fantastic album, but listen to those songs I've just listed. They will change your opinion of Muse.

People have dissed this band as being a clone of Radiohead, but doing so is to ignore that fact that there are actually 2 great bands here, Radiohead, and Muse. They may share similarity in style, for example the use of high vocals (although Matt's is a lot higher than Thom Yorke's), extensive keyboards and in their themes, but the more you listen to their music, the more you realise that they are different. People who diss one band or the other usually don't know enough about both bands, and I would say that Muse certainly has a distinctive sound, very different from Radiohead.

Anyway, I'll end this post with the lyrics for Starlight, because their other lyrics are a little more emo and I don't exactly feel emo right now.


Starlight (2006) by Muse

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing your starlight
Until the end of my life
I dont know if it’s worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the cells that would die just to feel alive

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away...

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away...

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms...

Explore Singapore Part Two: Day at the toy museum

A museum for toys. Sounds improbable? Well, here's something that may seem even more improbable. There is such a museum in Singapore. Here's the proof

I was thinking if I was too old to be looking at toys, until I realised that the toys featured are those that my parents and grandparents played with. So age wasn't really a problem here. However, I got a little trigger happy in there, and 5 minutes into my visit, my camera ran out of batteries. Now, I believe the staff remember me as the young man who went into the museum, and reappeared sheepishly 5 minutes later asking "Where's the nearest 7-eleven? Uh I kind of ran out of batteries"

Ok this post will be mainly pictures and captions because like I said, I was trigger happy, and also because there isn't really much I can say about this place except through the pictures.

At the entrance
GAWD. Look at how Batman used to look. No amount of photoshopping can save you from a costume that ridiculous.

The directory. This will give you an idea of what I'm talking about on each level.

Starting from level 5 - Outerspace

Millions of robots, of every shape, colour and size. Its not very well taken because they wouldn't let me use flash in here and the lighting of this corner wasn't very good. Zzz.

The poster for the first Star Wars. An eye-opener.

At level 4 - Characters
Awwwwwwww. Now get back to chasing each other already.

Tintin and Snowy running off on yet another mission. I loved the comics, but Tintin needs a better hairstylist.


More Tintin! My favourite character from Tintin is actually Captain Haddock because he's an incorrigible drunk sailor who uses ridiculous curses like "Blistering barnacles", and because he's just a lot funnier than omg I'm so seriously smart Tintin.

Popeye the spinach eating sailorman. One of my childhood favourites, although I never could understand why he liked spinach from a can.

Oh yeah Superman. Way to go red undies.

Level 3 - Childhood favourites

Some really ugly looking Mickey Mouses. Check out the one on the right. The teeth! THE TEETH! And the BEADY EYES! And the misshapen ears! And the NOSE HAIR OMG! The one on his left in the back isn't much better either.

Check out Mickey Left's super long nose hairs.

We all know where this is from. If you don't, here's a clue. Count the number of dwarves.

Level 2 - Collectables
The Beatles. I can't really tell who is who, but at least they got the number of bandmembers right.

A large remote controlled peacock. Hmm...

A random scenery shot of level 2 to let you know what the museum kind of looks like inside.

Ok judging time!

Appeal - This museum has well placed exhibits and a nice decor, so visually it scores quite well. Only problem is there really isn't any reason to come back here a second time after you've visited it once because there isn't really that much to see, and you can finish touring it under an hour. I'd give it an 8/10.

Staff friendliness - Well the staff were nice enough to direct me to the nearest 7-eleven, and they never stopped smiling, so I'd give them 8/10

Cost - The admission cost of this museum may seem rather high to you if you're unaccustomed to paying 10 dollars for entry. However, they are having a promotion till Christmas that will allow you to enter this place for $7.65, so if you want to visit this place do it now. 7/10

Overall interesting-ness - This is a feature of Singapore that is definitely worth one visit. And no more. 23/30

Explore Singapore Part One: Little India

While in the midst of this project, I met a little obstacle. I had originally intended to visit Sentosa, but the weather was rather unforgiving. So I had an epiphany, and went to... Little India. Don't ask me why.

Upon alighting from the train station and entering Little India, I just had to visit the most famous place there.

Mustafa Centre, which can be found in Little India, a part of Bangladesh.

This place is amazing because it seriously sells almost everything you can imagine, and in the most crazy variety. You haven't seen how much they can pack into this unassuming building. And I don't mean Banglas.

Unfortunately I couldn't take pictures inside because they had half a million security cameras, and lots of staff watching my every move. Every time I tried to line up my camera to take something inside somebody would start walking towards me, so I stopped trying. There certainly weren't many Banglas in there though. I think they were all on construction sites when I went there.

One thing you quickly learn about Little India is, when you are there, you do as the Indians do. In India, the pedestrian is king. You don't need traffic lights. So when you are in Little India, you are expected to jaywalk. Here's some prime evidence.


Traffic lights? Who needs traffic lights. Look at them go.

Almost every shop in Little India falls into 4 categories. It either sells gold jewellery, sundries, textiles, or it is a restaurant. Basically Little India is a row of shophouses selling these 4 things, so every 4 stores you'll run into a jewellery store, and the delicious smell of curry never ends because the curry radius of the restaurants more or less intersect. I'm using stupid mathematical terms but you know what I mean. Now and then you get the odd store that sells something different, but otherwise its just these four things.

You might almost be mistaken into thinking that Indians only need these 4 things, until you realise that for everything else, there is Mustafa, so perhaps they are better off just doing their thing.

Some other interesting things I saw in Little India.

Look at all those boots. Bangla working armour in assorted colours.

Well, duh. I couldn't help laughing when I first saw this though. I think it's the spelling. Makes it look kind of ridiculous somehow. Sounds like something along the lines of Doodoo.

That's one saxy Santa. Now who's been naughty this Christmas? Ho ho ho.

I don't suppose they sell military garments. What a name though.

Even the Coke machine has gone Indian. A good example of savvy marketing.

Ok now for my favourite part. Time to rate the places.

Appeal - Little India scores average here. It really isn't anything spectacular visually, and there is nothing much here for the tourist either. 5/10

Staff friendliness - The staff were actually very friendly. Almost overfriendly, like the moment they see you step into the shop they move towards you, even if its obvious you're not going to buy anything. I think its the competition. I didn't ask anything much because they didn't look like they'd be much fun. 7/10

Cost - Don't worry about this. If a bangla can afford it, so can you. Almost every sundry shop here has a banner that says "Cheapest prices in Singapore!" Only problem is you may not be able to find anything you want to buy. 8/10

Overall interesting-ness - About a 20/30. Unless you're a tourist, you probably shouldn't bother with this place much.

rain rain go away

The weather is seriously a bitch. I wanted to do my explore Singapore project, but every time I have a day free, it rains. And when I don't have a day free, it rains anyway. What, did you think I was going to say it was sunny and a beautiful day with rainbows, ponies and oh hell even Sharity elephant while I'm at it, just because it happens that I'm too busy to go out? But it does seem that way.

But that is not the problem. The main problem in general, is that I got myself involved in too many things for my own good to fully appreciate that I'm actually on holiday. You know something is wrong when its officially semester break and you're spending more time in school than you are at home, doing school stuff. I haven't been able to chain like consecutive days where I get more than 6 hours of sleep.

Its like in those arcade games where you chain consecutive combos and you rack up points, only that if I were playing such a game with my life, even emptying my whole bank on the coin slot isn't going to get me anywhere near Mr AAA in the tenth position. Not to mention that perhaps I should change my bank money into tokens first.

All these makes me very cranky. And when I'm cranky I become a manic depressive who bangs his head on the walls and starts staring matches with tattooed golden haired people with equally hairy golden armpits in cinemas. If you believed that last bit, its good that you are still hanging on to every word I say, but I'm really just typing rubbish to fill up space.

I don't do the whole wall banging thing. You have hammers and nails for that. Use them.

And I don't stare down golden haired people with golden hairy pits because I don't do lions. I just don't. Its on principle. I am full of respect for our national mascot. Even tattooed ones. You should hear how I sing the national anthem with pride and gusto, so that the fervent patroitism will just make you all warm inside.

Who am I kidding.

Anyway I found this on wikipedia while wiki-ing rain rain go away. I type the most random things into the wiki search box nowadays.

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again some other day,
If you don't, I don't care,
I'll pull down your underwear!

Don't forget to wash your hands.

Is Singapore Boring?

Having too much time on my hands and nothing to do, I've decided to convert my spare time and energy into doing what people do in the holidays. Since travel out of the country is out of the question at this point in time, I shall travel within the country.

Now, there is one burning question I have to answer in this holidays. Is Singapore really boring? Hence, I shall visit what are supposed to be the most interesting places in Singapore. I went to the Uniquely Singapore website and chose five of the more famous tourist locations. They will be namely Sentosa, the Zoological Gardens, Jurong Birdpark, Clarke Quay, and Orchard Road.

These well known tourist destinations will be put to the test, and judged (by me of course) on 3 criteria, namely appeal, staff friendliness, and cost.

Here's what goes into the criteria.

Appeal - The scenery in general, and how fun the attractions are. The presence of eye candy hot babes will be an intangible bonus, because after all I'm a guy.

Staff friendliness - Staff at these venues will be subject to the usual tourist questions, as well as some random questions. Of course, the fun comes in the random questions.

Cost - I'm going to these places with only 30 dollars each, on the pretext that I'm an Indonesian millionaire tourist who has 1 million rupiah. I'm really interested to see how far one can get being an Indonesian millionaire tourist. For your information, 1 million rupiah is about 150 dollars. Don't laugh.

Overall interesting-ness - After I've had my fun with admiring the scenery, enjoying the attracitons and asking stupid questions, I guess I would have to evaluate whether the place is interesting or not. So the total from the other 3 categories will probably end up here.

Destination number one: Sentosa

Pathos, ethos, logos.

Those of you who have taken 201 will know that the title represents 3 words standing for the 3 different approaches to persuading people, the appeal to emotions, the appeal to the speaker's credibility and the appeal to logic.

Last night, while ruminating about the world in general which is what I do when I watch shows that make me think, like a certain hospital drama featuring whiny interns that are now residents that I shall not name, I realised there was something missing in the style of governing used in Singapore. I know, I think about weird things. And I am putting a disclaimer here because I know there is some little facility somewhere meant for people like me who enjoy talking about the men in white from an armchair.

I heard that the facility is in the mouth of the Merlion on Sentosa. When you talk rubbish they load you up in the lift at the base of the Merlion and then the Merlion pukes you out into the sea. Its their way of saying good riddance to bad rubbish. Or Merry Christmas. Whatever. Not to mention that it makes a good spectacle for tourists. "Hey we feed our lions good here! Even freaky looking ones that are gender confused!" Oh don't tell me the Merlion ain't gender confused. Would you call that thing a he or she? With a mermaid's tail, but a male lion's mane, that is a hard call. Not to mention it looks kinda weird.

Anyway, here's the disclaimer.
"Everything written on this blog is bullshit. If you are allergic to bullshit, kindly stop reading because I don't have money to pay for bullshit medication. I also think that most clinics don't stock bullshit medications. If they do you should stop visiting the clinic. Why is my disclaimer becoming good medical advice?"

Now here is what is essentially wrong. There are appeals to logic, with statistics being drawn up to show how policies are beneficial in the long run, and appeals to credibility, like how the party has been infallible since independence, a shining beacon of truth and all that is good in this world, until it was found to have supported the farming of golden peanuts. The party protects the world from devastation. The party unites all peoples within our nation. Okay I shouldn't really be comparing the party to Team Rocket.

Back to my topic however, there is little appeal to the emotions and hearts of the people. And that is the problem. Your average uncle and auntie in the street has no love for statistics. The only statistics they probably read on a regular basis are PUB bills, their children's handphone bills and report books, or their household accounts. Why would they want to read more statistics? Apart from the New Paper soccer punting odds.

Appeals to credibility don't work too when you promise people you won't raise taxes and proceed to do so in the following year. For me, as long as gaping holes don't appear in my neighbourhood footpath and the walls of flats don't crumble, I assume my MP is doing his job. However, if I'm in a restaurant with my friends and I see that my bill now has 7% GST on top of the 10% service charge, no prizes for guessing who I'll be cursing at. What, the government? Don't mind-read me. I love the government.

Its probably kinda hard to do an appeal to the emotions, but at least now the government is trying. They are trying very hard nowadays to appeal to the young for example. Has anyone seen the rap video the MDA put out?

If you don't die laughing, you'll probably just die cringing. It takes attitude to do the "yo" thing with your hands, but its another thing altogether when you do it with a constipated look on your face. Not to mention that there are some really bad lines in there. "We'll be consolidating data and building... A service oriented architecture" What the hell??? Who raps about stuff like this?

And there is that really irritating "yes yes y'all" chorus that repeats again and again. One segment even has a guy trying to do a VR man. He is wearing red undies. They must pay him a lot, or they promised him a promotion. Because I have no idea why anybody would want to wear red briefs outside. This ain't the 1950s anymore. Superman is so passe.

I can't fault them for trying. I hope they do better though. For starters they could take that rap video down. And here's my disclaimer again. Remember, all that you have just read is bullshit. Don't send me up the Merlion.

What should I do now that its the holidays?

In Singapore, there is little to do in the holidays. Well, you could for one go out with your friends, but for me I don't have that many friends to go out with because most are still struggling with exams in NUS and SMU and reminding them that you have finished exams as an NTU student is not the way to go if you want to be an emphatic friend. Emphatic friends are good because when you are short on cash and there is no ATM in sight, they become your ATMs.

You could get some extra sleep. But this is the thing about sleep. You only want more of it every morning when you wake up. You never want it at night when you should be sleeping. Why is that so? I have no idea. The way the human body works is retarded.

You could go overseas. Unfortunately, everyone in Singapore is rich this year and all the travel agencies are booked out. Unless you are richer than the average already rich Singaporean and can afford to pay double to go to the same places, or you had booked your holiday months in advance, you can't get a ticket to go just about anywhere now. Except to perhaps Malaysia, but do you really want to go there?

You could go shopping. But as usual, there is the cashflow problem. The only way to solve that problem is to work. Do you want to work? Here's the problem with working. When you work, you got money but no time to spend. When you go shopping, you got time but no money to spend. How to have money and time to spend? Find a rich (and preferably stupid) boyfriend/girlfriend.

You could catch up on all the television, dramas and entertainment that you have neglected during school term. That is what I have been doing, only that in reality its unhealthy to watch shows for the whole day. Not to mention that at the rate I am going I will soon run out of good shows to watch. Now that its the holidays, I suddenly have a lot of time.

You could go back to NTU for CCAs and practice. The horror! Ok enough said about that.

And finally, you could do what I did today, which was to watch a movie. Only problem? Where are all the good movies? I actually nearly fell asleep in a cinema today, which I have never done in my life. The movie was that bad. When it is full of gunfire and you still find yourself falling asleep, maybe you shouldn't bother to watch movies until better ones come out. Not to mention that it is expensive to watch movies nowadays. Its cheaper to just watch junk on pirated VCDs. I'm all for paying to watch good movies, but if the movie is junk, go ahead and buy the pirated VCDs. That way you make sure that the directors never get a budget to make such crap again, because they are still busy paying off the debts from the junk they last made.

But one thing is for sure. The hols may be overrated but school life in NTU still sucks worse.

Is it November already? Wow.

Today is the first time in weeks that I actually have any time, space or energy to just appreciate the concept of "I have a life for the first time in November."

The last 2 weeks have been a never-ending cycle of going to school, sitting on a hard bench, enduring random self-disclosures and bad jokes and trying to cram stuff into your head that you can't recall in the exam because you don't even have time to THINK.

The exams are certainly not much more than a speed writing exercise. We should have a module on speed writing. If one could write faster I'm sure even a C paper would become an A paper because you wrote twice as much crap as your neighbour. The exams are essentially an exercise in crapping. If you want to find diamonds in the rough, you need more rough.

About crap, here's what I actually did for my 205 exam, a module on speech and argumentation. We were supposed to write 5 key selling points for some policy for the first question. After spending about 5 minutes wondering what the question really wanted, I wrote down my 5 points. However, one of them went like this. Have no fear, for Spring Singapore is here! It was so cheesy that I cringed, and beside it I put in a bracket (yeah, corny I know).

I don't know why I did that but I couldn't resist it. It was probably a way to absolve my guilt at writing something that corny. Not to mention it stopped me from cringing every time I saw it again.

Since I'm in an exam mood, let me teach 201! My favourite subject, although the exam's over.

The situation: You just farted. Even as you are suffering in it, your greatest fear is, "Can anyone else smell it oh-my-gawd." You start wondering how you will excuse yourself from such appalling and anti-social behaviour. Somehow, you don't know what's worse. The fact that you're suffering, or that someone will realize what you just did and suffer along with you.

The constitutive rule is that farting is antisocial. The regulative rule however, varies depending on whether you want to admit it and how smelly the fart is. If it really stinks and you're in lecture, and its obvious that everyone is gagging and about to pass on, a good script to use would be "Not me!" However, if it isn't that bad, and it isn't that obvious that you're the perpetrator, like in the case when there are only 2 people in the lift, you can use "Hey who farted ah?"

If you are the kind who can't lie, say "Sorry".

However the dumbest thing is, the apology doesn't work on yourself. You are still suffering, and despite apologizing, so is everyone else. Sometimes, the best regulative rule is just to sit there and stay silent and hope that it all dissipates quickly so you can pretend it never happened.

What gets you up every morning?

Sometimes, when you amble through the miasma that one calls life, do you stop and ask yourself, what gets you up every morning? Is it the sun and the prospect of a beautiful day? There is someone I know who tells me that she likes the orangey glow in the mornings. However this very same person also does some silly and bimbotic things, so I seldom take what she says very seriously. If you know who I'm talking about, it means that you agree with me about her being silly and bimbotic. Or worse still, its you.

Is it your handphone alarm? Which I've come to hate because it wakes me up every morning. I have encountered strangers who actually put my handphone's alarm ringer as their message tone, so when they get a message, I get very freaking irritated. It actually causes severe distress to me, like I will feel uncomfortable all over, very much like when you need to piss and you can't find a toilet. You would get that too if you heard the same thing waking you up every morning when you sleep on an average of 4 hours a day. Its a wonder I haven't thrown my handphone across the room yet, or at those people. Its a brick by the way, not like the light airy feathery slim ones on the market nowadays, so it would probably make a deadly projectile.

Some people would tell me "its the prospect of seeing my him/her again" that gets them up every morning. A totally cringe-worthy statement that is too mushy for words. But in any case, its a lot more engaging than what I would usually say. I've been accused of being dismissive sometimes, like a conversation ender. You'll see just why with my reply as I show later below.

Friend: What gets you up every morning?
Me : Coffee.

Totally witty and it destroys all chance for a conversation. Apparently when I give such dry one worded replies, I am sending a strong signal that I am not interested in being involved in a conversation whatsoever. Perhaps I am flattering myself by saying it is witty, but I'm certainly not flattering myself by saying that I'm a conversation destroyer.

I would go on saying that this is not a case of self-serving bias but generally a sound knowledge of 201 is not really appreciated in CS at this moment because everyone is struggling with studying for the exams. When I try to recite the textbook people ask me to shut up. Which is really ironic because these very same people then end up reciting the textbook back to me later in the day. And the best part is, they can recite things that I don't even know exist in that book.

Speaking of exams, its really crap studying for them. For the first time in my life I actually have to quote my sources and reference them, and I can't use wikipedia because encyclopedias, especially online ones that can be edited by your 8 year old kid cousin are no longer regarded as valid sources.

I was wondering if I could use my lecturers as references, like (George, Lecture on alternative and niche media, 2007), but I've a feeling that Dr. George would not find that very funny even if I were to reference something he actually said in lecture. Guess lecturers would obviously be a no, unless you want to reference our broadcast lecturer Aquila which you would probably have to since all her readings are published by her. Just make sure you don't spell her name wrongly because she wouldn't take very kindly to that I'm sure, as some unfortunate students already found out in their term papers.

I don't think it would be very right to reference fellow students either, like (Alfian, an email to Thio, 2007) for the infamous "piss on your grave" rant. Which is totally sad because the email was exciting and certainly controversial.

Ok, but back to my main topic since I've obviously digressed so much. What gets you up every morning? The desire to save the world and make it a better place? Orangey glows? Your significant other? Noisy alarms? Inconsiderate neighbours with huge boomboxing speakers that go off at 8 every morning?

What should I say in the future if someone asks me "What gets you up every morning?" I think I already know.

"Coffee."

Temporal disconnect

Note to readers: This will not be a funny post. If you were looking for one, please go elsewhere. Check back another time when I actually feel like posting something funny.

- Temporal Disconnect -

In case some of you are wondering what temporal means, dictionary.com says
tem·po·ral –adjective

1.	of or pertaining to time.

2.	pertaining to or concerned with the present life or this world; worldly

3.	enduring for a time only; temporary; transitory

It has been bugging me for some time now, but recently I have felt a huge rift open up between me and the happenings in this world. Its like somehow I have become jaded, and suddenly everything doesn't seem to matter like it used to. Like how my life used to revolve around NTU. Suddenly I don't give a shit. Nothing matters. Not getting up on time for lecture. Not attending my tutorials. Not even studying for tests.

Just in case some of you actually think that I have suddenly become emo, I am really just jaded, and it might perhaps have something to do with eating the food from can 2 and can A one time too many because I live on campus. After a while everything is equally tasteless. It is probably a bad time to start feeling that right now, but I think I need a break. And the break isn't going to come till November ends.

And this general mood of "jaded-ness" has led me to question why I am in CS at all. When I go for a group outing, I don't know what to say or do because everyone is just fighting for attention and its not in me to steal the limelight. And when I do have things to say, I don't know if I should say it, and before I know it, the chance is gone. And it is scarier still when people start talking about popular culture and all their grand flashy plans to shock and awe everyone in CS and I realise that I have no interest or knowledge in what they are talking about.

I suddenly feel that my life is so empty, so two dimensional. I suddenly feel like I have never really lived.

I don't know where to go. I don't want to be there, because I feel so left out, but I can't leave either, because its not very nice. I don't know if you have ever been in that situation, but it is so difficult when you realise that your interests and those of your peers don't match. I try to fit myself into their conversation, but I realise that it is ultimately futile because it really isn't who I am.

And thinking about all that, I look back on my past.

I was brought up in a system where only the result mattered, where you were worthless unless you had a certain number on your report transcript. Teachers would shun you, and pigeonhole you into the worst classes and tutorial sessions if you so much as slipped up a little. Even your own schoolmates shunned you, because you were different. Defined by a different label, taught a different syllabus, and fundamentally just different.

Where every Chinese New Year you were defined as that kid from so and so school, with the obligatory back slap because you were the pride of the family. And I lived my whole life trying to be that person. Only to realise ultimately that it wasn't me. And by the time I did, there was no getting back the years that I had already lost.

I don't remember much of my formative years. If anything, they weren't really worth remembering. If anything, I wonder at how I have grown so isolated from the world around me that I live in.

But after this rift, with this temporal disconnect, I have learnt that perhaps, it is time to start living, for me.

To start leading the life I want to lead. But like a little baby, I fumble and fall. Because it is all so new to me. I have never heard half the music you people listen to and tell me about. I have never seen many of the movies or tv serials that you all converse about. I have never experienced the vivid school life everyone talks about. I have never been to all the countries and places you all have seen. And I still don't know what it means to have a best friend. Because it never seemed possible to me. Not when everyone was a competitor and not to be trusted.

I am fundamentally, empty. Like a little child. Who is already an adult.

But in the darkness, I look to the night sky. And I know that there is that one star there, just that one star, that shines for me, giving me strength. And from today, I will try to live, just for myself. Taking little baby steps. And when I look back in a few years, I hope that I will be glad that I made this choice, on this very day.

NTUSU? No, I vote for the NTUBS.

You're going to be late for class. The last two shuttle buses were packed to the brim and you couldn't get on. You see half a million 179s passing by and you wonder, why don't they go in the other direction? This is especially true if you live in the old halls cluster, on the wrong side of the route from CS to hall, so even if you're willing to pay you can't get to CS. You have to walk. A familiar scenario?

Here's another one. Its night. You are very sick of eating at can 1, 2, 4 and 5, and you would like to try some other canteens further off. You wait, and wait, and wait. One million 179s pass and mock you in the process. Finally, a shuttle bus comes, but you've already fainted from starvation. And when you finally finish your meal at these far off canteens, guess what? There aren't any more shuttle buses to take you back! You have to walk.

All these bring me to one question. Why do we even have a shuttle bus system? If I have to walk half the time, isn't the system redundant? The irony is, the closer you live to the school campus, the more redundant the bus system becomes. I guess its fine for those who live in the halls at the back like 11-15, because they live too far away from the school campus to really walk, and they have an added bonus of proximity to good canteens. But for those who live in the other cluster of halls, you have the option of walking, so you can still get to school, but you live far from good food, so you have to eat junk.

That's probably why hall 6 is where it is. Just close enough to walk, yet just a little too far from decent food. So since you have to exercise so much but you can't over nourish yourself, you become even fitter than you already are. As for the rest of us mere mortals, we just die of frustration waiting for buses or walking after realising they aren't coming. Or worse, we spend a long time agonising about whether we should walk because the bus could come anytime and we would miss it, compounding our agony further.

Another thing I don't understand is how one service can arrive 3 or 4 times more frequently than the other. Shouldn't there be equal numbers of buses going in both directions? And the best part is the service in question actually changes. At certain times, there are more blue buses, and other times there are more reds. But the frequency of 179s never changes, in the one aspect that it is still 3-4 times, or at night, 10 times more common than shuttle buses.

This shows us that firstly, the NTU shuttle bus system totally sucks. If anything its an abject failure because if someone were to do a calculation, one would realise that the majority of NTU students waste too much time and energy waiting for buses. However, we cannot squarely place the blame on the poor bus uncles and aunties because after all, the service is free so their pay is probably peanuts.

So what should be a solution? At this juncture, I turn to the NTUSU. I think everyone agrees more or less that they are really a useless institution. They are too far apart from the average student to do anything, and one often gets the impression that they are in their own world preening themselves, taking flashy photographs in business suits and polishing up their CVs.

I suggest that we pull funding from the NTUSU, dissolve them totally, and put the money into the shuttle bus system. We would get more buses, more drivers, and finally, the NTUSU never has to complain about the shuttle bus system again because that's really all they do isn't it? For once, rather than complaining about the problem, we solve the problem.

The NTSSU cares about your welfare? Don't kid me. The individual faculty councils are far more than adequate for such matters. 10 dollars a semester on the NTUSU is 10 dollars wasted. I'm sure if we were to do a straw poll, most would agree that we should put the money that goes into the NTUSU now into the NTUBS (NTU Bus System) instead, with the exception being the preening and posing peacock-sters in the NTUSU.

So I say NTUSU? No, I vote for the NTUBS.

Do yourself a favour, stop living the lie

Sometimes living in CS, you can't help but feel pressured and under siege.

You are defined by what you wear in CS, how you look and what you say. The superficiality of life, as one might say. Even your desktop wallpaper, msn picture and msn nicknames come under attack. The best part is you can't even use bochap-ness as an excuse. Why don't I have facebook? Well I don't give a shit. If anything I am anti-facebook. I don't need everyone to know that I have 500 friends, because I don't, and I don't enjoy playing scrabble. I don't have one million and one photos to upload either, because I've never really been a fan of photography. That's as easy as it is, but people will insist on finding a reason why I don't have it, including how I'm antisocial and all. If that's what you choose to believe, perhaps we shouldn't be friends, because I only need friends who truly appreciate who I am.

I've heard quite a few other reasons that I find quite laughable. Firstly that I have no personality. Sorry man but my personality isn't something you can display on a canvas sheet. Its a lot more than that and I don't care if you believe me or not. I personally don't give two hoots about what you think. If I believed what everyone said about me, I'd be wallowing in self-pity everyday because everyone seldom has something nice to say about someone else these days. when was the last time someone complimented you or praised you? And when was the last time someone criticised you? I bet you will find the latter far more familiar.

I will continue using my nature wallpapers and boring msn pics (or none at all) and persist with my blatantly boring nicknames because I personally don't see a need to tell you everything that is going on in my life. I get enough attention. I don't need to let the whole world know that my day sucks or how I can't find my socks, or how I need to study. We all need to study. Since it is so blatantly obvious, save me some precious seconds that are wasted when I read about your extremely normal lives. In case you think that I am lying about the part of me getting enough attention because you think I don't get any, I may not be the most charismatic person but at least I don't whine and bitch about it. I'm pretty contented with what I have. That already makes me a lot better then people who have a lot of it and still whine and bitch.

After all, aren't all these msn name-changing, picture changing, desktop wallpaper changing superficialities a desperate plea for attention? When you think about it, I bet you'd agree.

Another good reason I've heard is how I don't have a life. Since I can't define myself in a picture, or in a neat slogan fit for advertising billboards, I don't have a life. That's a rich one, considering that most of us are after all university students. How much of a life could you possibly have? And furthermore, I don't like to live in guilt. If you asked me to choose between having a life and doing what I'm responsible for, that is to get good grades and graduate, sorry I think I know where I stand. The life part is subordinated to the responsiblity, unless you enjoy feeling guilty every night before you sleep.

In case you are wondering, this is not directed at anyone in particular. If anything, it is just an explanation of why I don't really give a shit. So please stop asking me to change my wallpapers and whatever. I will when I want to, and if I don't, well I don't. Its as simple as that.

P.S. This post may sound rather fierce to some, but its really a response to people who have asked recently whether I have been *ahem* emasculated by the environment in CS. Totally pissed the shit out of me. So yeah hence this post.

What your MSN statuses mean - a guide

Have you ever wondered why some people are permanently away, or busy, or never online on MSN? Have you also realised that sometimes, the status on one's MSN is no longer indicative of whether the person will chat with you? After doing some research, (aka spending hours on MSN and not doing my work) I have decoded the complex meanings of what MSN statuses really mean.

Online - I'm in a friendly mood now. I will probably chat with anybody, including people I don't like. However, when such people approach me, I will suddenly become "busy" or "away", or I will "be right back". Or worse, I will "appear offline". And then I will continue chatting with those I want to chat with. Has no filtering effect, so prepare to be chatted up by randoms.

Busy - I am currently busy with an assignment, work or project meeting of some kind. However, only people who know me well enough will know that even if I'm busy I will still chat with you. Hence this keeps out randoms. Alternatively, I could be really busy. But if I were really busy, I wouldn't be on MSN. So am I really busy? Go figure! Has a mild filtering effect.

Be right back - I need to do something and I will be back soon. However, soon ranges from anything from a few seconds to infinity, with infinity probably meaning "see you in school tomorrow!" Personally I find this one of the most irritating statuses, because the people who put this status usually forget to indicate that they are back. So it becomes "I'll be right back but you won't know when that is so bye!"

Away - I am currently not at my computer. Used most by serial downloaders who are online 24/7. Alternatively, this is a stronger filter than "busy". Because unlike "busy", you can actually claim you weren't at the computer when some swaku tries to chat you up. For busy you may not be able to, because you were there but merely busy. You actually have to put some "filler" text like "sorry I'm busy now can't talk". A proven effective filter.

In a phone call - It was supposed to be "away" but I misclicked. Alternatively, I am really in a phone call and I just had to let you know, so I couldn't have used "away" or "busy" instead. Used by people who like to talk on the phone, or like to appear like they talk on the phone a lot. Maybe they are trying to tell you that they are good communicators. Otherwise I don't see why this status even exists.

Out to lunch - More or less a redundant status. If I were really out to lunch, I could use "away", "appear offline" or just sign out. I put this when I want to be away and yet different from other people. Note - It looks like away but its "out to lunch". Chao extra. Cool right?

Appear offline - The best status in the world, because it is so useful.
This is used by people to check who is online before they decide what status to give themselves when they come online. Secondly, it is used as a filter all system. People can't talk to you, but you can talk to people. It totally eliminates any chances of stalkers, weirdos, and other randoms talking to you.

Decoding MSN statuses is an art. Do it well and you'll always have friends to talk to online!

Just Do It - When ordinary students do the impossible

In all of my life, I don't think I've ever worked this hard. I don't recall a period of time where I spent everyday sleeping at 2am or later, and waking up at 7. I don't recall in a period of time in my life where there is a constant deadline for numerous assignments, quizzes and what have you hanging over my head like I have now, reminding me every waking moment that the end is near. However morbid that sounds. What kind of insane existence is this? Who the hell told me uni was fun? Is your idea of fun having no life? Like when was the last time you went shopping? Or did anything you wanted to do?

Its so bad I'm beginning to look at army as being slightly better because I did not have to use my brain and it was a stress free existence. I didn't have to think of what to wear everyday, or even think for that matter, and you basically ate the free slop they threw in your plate everyday. In NTU, you pay for the slop. Mmm I lived like a pig, but a skinny one that could not be fattened up.

However, I suddenly remember how there were no girls, and I banish all thoughts of army being better.

Has anyone realised that its only been 2 months since we started uni? I have no idea why but it feels like half a year has gone by. The days in uni seem to stretch and merge into one another, becoming one long neverending ordeal of work, work and more work. Maybe its getting to me but doesn't it feel like that to everyone? And what's frightening is how fast the weeks seem to fly past. Before you know it, another week has gone past and suddenly you're staring right at the deadline for that term paper you've barely begun. And who could forget that all the work that you're behind on piling up on your study table.

This is when... ordinary students become heroes. This is when... they just do it. They do the IMPOSSIBLE. I salute all the brave souls who have gone this way before me, simply because its seriously shit.

You have a term paper due next week and you haven't started? Holy crap. There's no time! And thus, the student transforms into a superhuman creature who needs no sleep, who can work for hours on end, grinding away at the most mundane of tasks, poring over thousands of words and eventually, the term paper ends up on the lecturer's table. Who knew the sweat and sacrifice that went into it? Who knew how many hellish nights the student endured struggling to come up with something coherent? Who knew how many days the student woke up with an imprint of a keyboard on his or her head?

And you never realise how much you can cram into your brain till the night before a test. The fear of failure drives people to do amazing things. Everyone suddenly becomes a professor on the subject topic. If you were to visit the school on the day of the test, you'd be astonished at how many little professors there are ready to recite definitions and explain abstract concepts to you. Come back a week later, and everyone becomes normal again. Apparently PhD (permanent head damage) only lasts a week. Unless you get the cert and you're certified. That is permanent.

The student. How innocuous looking, yet how inspiring. (Can you tell I'm trying to inspire myself? Oh nevermind. Back to work.)

The one blogskin to rule them all.

I was looking at a few blogs around and I realised that everyone had such beautiful blogs. Maybe it was time for a revamp. Hence I began the long arduous process of searching for the right template.

Too girly, cannot. Nice colour scheme, but on closer inspection got butterflies and swirly things. Cannot. Got nice little pink ribbons and ponies. Cannot. Got pictures of guys. Confirm cannot, I don't swing that way and I wouldn't be able to look at my own blog without cringing. Got couple embracing. Cannot. They don't look right for each other.

Layout not very readable. Also cannot. Then I chanced upon a layout that was almost perfect. Why almost? Because in one corner there were a few little hearts! Ooh so cute ah. But I'm a guy. Argh damn it why are blogskins so girly???

And so my search took me through many websites, over search engines and personal webpages. There were many blogskins, but none of them were suitable, and I soldiered on, hoping that one day I would find THE ONE. The blogskin to end the search for all blogskins. The one skin that rules them all. And finally, in a space of ten minutes, I located not 1, not 2, but 3 suitable blogskins! And I thought my search was over.

So I took a look at the 3 I had selected. The naruto one was ok at first sight, but the jokes soon got pretty lame after I looked at them a second and a third time. Ok maybe not. Then I had a look at the skin about alcohol being a man's best friend. It wasn't too bad, only problem was the html was in Spanish. Good luck trying to edit that.

That left Stewie Griffin from "Family Guy" mooning Brian. That was quite an interesting skin. I decided to try it. I copied and pasted it into my template, clicked the preview button, and held my breath.

Everything was just mashed together. The pictures merged into the text, and the boxes at the side were in the middle. I couldn't understand what was wrong, so I tried to read the html and see if there was anything I could change.

Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do. It was all geek to me. Hence, 4 hours later, the blog has not changed, and I have nothing but a stupid post to show for it. Sheesh.

Why guys should hang out with girls more at 21.

A few years ago, when I was a geeky little secondary school kid wearing "unglam" khaki shorts, my parents used to tell me that studying was more important. Girls would come later because they were basically a "distraction". Not that I had any problems there. Girls never gave me trouble. I think it was the shorts. And this is not an invitation for you to add more reasons. Thank you.

But now, a few years later as an adult, the paradigm has shifted very drastically. Now my parents actually ask me why I haven't found a girlfriend. Despite the fact that there is actually a freaking lot more to study in university, they are actually a lot more accepting of me fooling around. Maybe its the anxiousness to see grandchildren getting to them, but I really don't see how the situation now justifies any difference in behaviour. If you ask me, I think it was better to get a girlfriend back then. Now girls simply don't have time for you. And vice versa.

In fact it is actually quite funny how their behaviour has changed. Now, when I tell them I'm going out, they always ask "With guys or girls?"

When I tell them its with guys, they will be like "Ok don't come home too late." When I add on that there are girls too, they will be like "Got enough money or not? I better give you some more money first. Here take fifty more dollars. You want to take the car also?"

And they never tell me to come back home earlier. It would be perfectly ok for me to come back late, or not at all. I actually think they would be delighted if I didn't.

So what does this mean? It basically means that just by adding one word "girls", you get more money, more time to stay out, and even a car if you wish. All of which are good things. What's there not to gain? So my advice to all single adult males is, feel free to let you parents know that you are going out with girls. Never mind if you're lying. The benefits will make you forget your guilt soon enough. Plus, you make your parents feel happier.

And now, for the stupid random moment of the day.

I was in Katong with my friends, and while walking we chanced upon a Poh Kim VCD rental shop. One of us at the back started pointing at it and going "Poh Kim! Poh Kim!" And soon the others at the back, including me, also joined in. At which, one of my friends in front then started poking the guy right in front who was in the direction of the shop. Naturally, the guy got pissed and went "You poke me for what?" He went, "The others said to poke you what."

This is what happens when you don't do a perception check.

Why females fall for jerks

I was just having a discussion, because after reading too much about how the male race basically consists of jerks who treat their girlfriends badly, I felt that I needed to discuss the issue. Almost all relationship jokes consist of some form of male-bashing one way or another.

Guys are thick, they don't get the hints, they are egoistical, insensitive buffoons, motivated primarily by self-interest. In addition, they are always checking out new propsects, on top of being lecherous, smelly, hairy, slimy and I dunno what else la. Read the list guys, and weep. Ok maybe not. Act macho and unaffected perhaps. And thick, clueless, egoistical, blah blah blah...

Are there no good guys left in the world?

So basically, the main point of the discussion was, why do girls like to fall for jerks? Aren't there nice guys around?

And you won't believe the kinds of answers I got. My hypothesis was that girls were naturally not very clever because they didn't know how to sieve out the bad guys from the good when I would think that there are many nice guys around. I wouldn't go so far to say that I am one of them, but yeah I'd like to think of myself as not being a jerk.

I asked Pamy why girls like to fall for jerks. She told me "haha erm well cuz they dont seem like jerks at first". Well ok that's just a another way to say they were good looking, rich, glib or all of the above and hence nothing else mattered, the fact that they were jerks and have shitty character notwithstanding. She then went away and I decided that she had said enough on her part, so I asked someone else.

So I asked Sarah why girls like to fall for jerks. She told me "because the good guys are gay". So I asked her, if I'm not gay and I'm not a jerk, what am I? And guess what, she pulled a new category out of the hat called "commitophobe", which she went on to label "scum".

Great, so now I'm "scum". Being naturally not very happy, I went on asking more questions. I told her that I'd rather be "scum" than a jerk or gay. Guess what she said?

"I think jerk is better than scum. At least girls fall for you"

I will honestly tell you that at that point I was lost for words. Jerks and women are a match made in heaven.

201 - Lesson 1

With the amount of 201 I have been revising, I have now become half of a skilled communicator. Why half? Because I have studied half the textbook. And I shall now proceed to teach 201 - communication for dummies

Lesson 1 - Perceiving and understanding, and verbal communication

This lesson involves two people - Me and a pile of jelly which morphs into any persona I want it to be. Kinda kinky don't you think. Pity I'm not into gelatinous gels.

A demonstration in content level and relationship level meanings
Me: Hey Wah, you're so lame.
Content level meaning: Wah is lame.
Relationship level meaning: Wah is not very good at cracking jokes.

A demonstration of cognitive schemata
Prototype: Tiong
Personal construct: Mugger
Stereotype: Does not speak English well very well. Like how smiling is the same as smelling.
Script: When I say Good morning to X.Ming, he will say "Wo shi Ah Diao!"

Regulative and constitutive rules
Regulative rule: Say "Not me!" when you fart in public
Constitutive rule: Farting in public is a sign that you want the people around you to comment about the environment. "Shit who farted. Its stinks!"

Mind reading, self serving bias, and perception check
Me: Are you thinking what I'm thinking George? (Perception check)
George: I don't know, I know I think too much. Can't help it I'm so darned smart. (self-serving bias)
Me: Are you trying to tell me you're darned smart? (Mind reading) But you are of course, I wouldn't want to offend you because you mark my paper. (Self serving bias)

Next: lesson 2. Listening and creating communication climates.

NTU man

Time passes quickly, quicker than some of us would like, and slower than most of us would like during lectures. Ok that was a line of crap. Me trying to write an effective introduction but its not exactly working. Now its 3 lines of crap.

As I reflect on how time has passed, I see my life flashing past in front of me. And I begin to realise that I am being subsumed by the experience that they call NTU. So much that I'm afraid that my individuality and my thinking will eventually be subjugated under this huge institution.

As I continue into this journey, the toll of boring lectures, equally boring tutorials, insipid hall life, and subpar food starts to transform me into... NTU man.

Now, some of you may be wondering. Just what the hell is NTU man? I'll tell you what the hell is NTU man. Yeah, I'm also wondering what the hell is NTU, man.

I just did a lame joke. Oh gosh.

Anyway, here are the steps to becoming NTU man.

1) You gain the power of infinite energy. Although you slept at 2am last night and you had 8.30 lecture, you are still going for tutorial after that and lecture after that tutorial. And random subcomm meetings after that.

2) You start cracking jokes that are colder than lecture theatres. And you laugh at them but no one else does. You are now imprevious to cold. And killer glares from unamused people.

3) You have no life. How do you kill that which has no life? Precisely. You are now immortal.

4) You start wearing blue spandex, red briefs outside and a big NTU crest. You are now official.

Don't ask me what that does for you. I guess it just makes you non-liable to getting fined for indecent exposure on campus.

Do you have all the danger signs? Call 1900-I-LOVE-NTU and get your blue spandex today.

Reminiscence. The good old times.

I met up with my secondary school friends today and it was fun because its just different when you're around old friends again. It was especially so because we were playing "taboo" which is like verbal charades where you have to describe a word without mentioning any of the words on a list below it or the word itself. An extremely memorable example was the word "lollipop", for all the wrong reasons.

Here's how my friend described it. "You lick and suck it."

After awhile, we started talking about old days, and some really funny stories came out. As everyone knows, I'm from a "communistic" school. So inevitably we talked about ah tiongs. And my friend asked "Do you remember that time we all failed that maths test and we couldn't get it moderated cos some PRC got full marks?"

Oh how could I forget. The official explanation? It would crash the system to moderate full marks as it cannot accept more than 100 marks. Wow thanks. Why couldn't they just give him full marks and a medal that says "Maths God", then moderate the marks for the rest of us mere mortals?

Or another story. There used to be this guy who would come out of a test and go "Chor! Wo you san fen bu hui zhuo!" This basically translates to "I dunno how to do 3 marks"

Guess what he gets? Yes, 97 marks. Bloody hell.

Then we talked about that soldier who went AWOL with a gun. And a friend of mine said "The shit is going to hit the fan. The SAF is the king of knee-jerk reactions." Basically, what he means is the SAF is going to be very very anal about guard duties in this period of time while the public wonders how a person with a loaded gun could have just walked out of a camp. Lucky I'm out of there. It will not be fun doing guard duties chained to the guard post.

Which reminded me of a time I did guard duty. I was doing sentry duty at the gate guard post. I had been standing there for almost 2 hours, and I hadn't slept all night. I was tired and not exactly vigilant.

This warrant officer came up to me and started observing me, and being shit tired, I ignored him. Next, he walked up to the back of the post, and started pacing in a circle around there. I ignored him, thinking he was just a weirdo, and continued watching the gate in front of me like the responsible soldier I was. Guess what?

He actually lectured me, and said "If I were a terrorist you'd be dead. Why aren't you doing your duty properly? Just now I was walking around behind your guard post. Why you didn't check what I was doing?"

Hello! This was wrong on 4 counts.
1) I'm supposed to be guarding the gate, not the back of my post
2) I already saw him walking there, so what terrorist was he talking about?
3) I'm not supposed to leave my post.
4) Which terrorist would be so dumb to pace around in circles behind my post?

It turns out he was from MINDEF doing a test on guard duties in my camp. Guess I failed it big time. I would probably only have passed it if I jumped at him like a crazed madman, went "AIYEE!" and marched him back to the guardhouse with my rifle firmly stuck in his back. Never mind the fact that he, as a warrant officer in uniform is obviously my superior and not a terrorist. Of course, I would be just as likely to end up in IMH. Stupid.

As all gatherings go, we eventually started talking about now. And my friend mentioned something that I felt was very true. He said, "I don't mind participating in class or learning. I just don't enjoy being graded for it." And I'm like yeah so true. Why should we be graded on how much we talk in class to the extent that people start talking just for the sake of talking?

Its actually very obvious when someone takes what the lecturer just said and paraphrases it into a question. Its fine if someone genuinely has something to share, but just trying to get participation marks for the sake of it reminds me of dogs fighting for food scraps. Maybe I'm being too critical here but I fail to see how I am. Bah.

Whiny pple make my day

I have become a firm believer in the policy that you don't know how good you've got it until you've lost it. Somehow when I forget it, something will happen that drives that point home like a thumbtack in your backside.

Like how I used to say 203 was boring. I had totally no idea what boring was. The new 203 lecturer is really freaking darn boring. It doesn't help that he likes talking about himself. "You shouldn't be looking to only do one major when you're in university. You should be looking at 2, or if you're willing to kill yourself studying, even 3 majors." Or something to that effect.

Yeah fine. You might as well say "and I have this weird habit of picking my butt crack while I'm studying for my 3rd major cos when I study too much my whole body starts to itch." At least that is more interesting.

The only saving grace is the fact that he also starts later and ends earlier. Seriously I'm so thankful for that because the only thing worse than a boring lecturer is a long-winded boring lecturer.

But going on to my topic about how whiny pple make my day. They totally do. Nowadays when I have MSN conversations with my friends about university life, some will launch into a tirade of how the world is against them, like literally since their class is full of foreigners.

Some others will talk about how no girls want them, and so on. And after hearing them out, I'd think to myself "I sure wonder why no one wants them." I know its darn bad but sometimes you really can't help yourself. Sometimes I even tell myself "Clever girl. I'd do the same if I were you."

And other times I will sit there and soak up their whining like a huge sponge like the caring friend I am. Actually what I really do is surf Youtube, wait for them to finish, then I type some random comment like "ya that's like totally so sad".

Then they will carry on with their me-against-the-world angsty rants until even they get sick of themselves, then they stop. And peace reigns on the world once again. And thus, I do my part for world peace.

If I do this enough, I might win the Nobel prize for peace someday. Or alternatively they could decide that I'm an expert on world peace and invite me to judge for a Miss Universe pageant. Or they could just knock me on the head and tell me to stop dreaming. Which do you think is most likely?

The World of Friends

I'm sure that most of you have heard the phrase "Its such a small world". It is especially used when you meet someone you haven't seen in years and both of you are genuinely surprised, or at least pretend to be, at seeing each other.

Actually, I tell you that phrase mainly applies to Singapore. Because Singapore to most of us, is the world. And it is really darn small, and since the friends you meet along they way are usually of a similar level to you, eventually you're bound to meet them again in university, because Singapore only has a grand total of like... 3 established universities. So you shouldn't really be surprised to see that person you last saw like 10 years ago.

But of course there are obstacles that make it difficult for us not to be surprised. A few months back I had a primary school gathering. I recognised most of the pple there because I had seen them one way or another in the past few years. However, it was the ones that I hadn't seen since primary school that were the most difficult to recall.

Especially those who had changed so drastically (aka become so fat) that if the person told me I once knew him/her, I'd laugh it off until the person got really offended. Its even more embarassing when the person claims he/she knows you so well and you're like "like who the ... is this? how come I totally don't remember you? oh no better not say anything, later damn paiseh one." Then I wait for the person to say something, and I'm like "Oh yah, I remember that, yes!" But I really don't. I'm sorry.

Or worse, you call the person by his/her "name" and the person goes "I'm not (name)". Have fun wriggling out of that one.

In NTU though, I've been waving to pple whose names I don't know and smiling and saying "Hi!", knowing full well that we're both just thinking like "Where the hell have I seen this person before? What's his name? Never mind just say hi and walk away as fast as possible"

It happens so much it makes me wonder if I should just be honest and say 'I really don't remember you. So what is your name and where have I met you?"

But I won't. You know why? Because every time I meet this kind of people, I'll suddenly be "in the process of rushing for tutorial". Even if I'm walking towards canteen A.

The Apple Story

Last night, after returning from round island supper, I was actually in a fluster because it was 1am and I hadn't even started on my 205 aesop fables presentation, which was due in less than 12 hours. I was feeling sleepy and a little nutty from too much prata and laksa, so guess what came out. From the brain! What were you thinking!

This was written in the style of an Aesop fable, but it became so crazy even the lecturer Paul Falzon thought so.

The apple story. A result of Apple envy. Yes all you darned Apple users.

In a small town a long time ago, there was a little shophouse. On the first level, there was a greengrocer, who sold apples. On the second floor, there was a doctor who owned an Apple macbook. It was sleek and white, and the envy of the greengrocer. Everyday, the greengrocer would look at his round green apples, then look at the doctor's sleek white Apple, and feel the envy growing inside.

What few knew however, was the fact that this doctor was extremely dishonest. He had actually majored in English, not medicine. Everyday, he would buy a few apples from the greengrocer, then prescribe them to his patients, telling them that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away".

Since he was a doctor and his patients were rural countryside folk, they believed him and ate the apples, and would emerge a few days later miraculously cured because apples were very nutritious, full of vitamins, minerals and fibre.

With the ridiculous amount of money the doctor was making from his apple scam, he soon bought himself an Apple. The greengrocer, green with envy, decided one day to steal the Apple. The greengrocer waited till the doctor was on his way to buy apples, then he sneaked into the doctor's office and picked up the Apple.

What he did not realise however, not being very intelligent, was that the doctor, finding no greengrocer selling apples, soon returned to his office. The greengrocer, in a panic, threw the Apple out of the window, and it hit the head of a certain Sir Issac Newton who was passing by. The doctor, finding his Apple missing, accused the greengrocer of stealing it and hauled him to court.

In court, the doctor and greengrocer argued their cases. The doctor accused the greengrocer of Apple theft, but the greengrocer denied having ever seen the Apple. In the end, the judge Sir Issac Newton delivered his verdict.

"I do not believe that you, the doctor ever had an Apple, and I believe that you, the greengrocer has seen some apples in your time. Therefore you are both lying. But I do now, however, have an Apple (evil cackling laughter) and I have discovered the law of gravity."

Moral of the story: The dishonest get no credit for being honest. And Newton discovered the law of gravity.