High-spirited one day, gloomy the next.
Following day cheerful and filled with hope, then lost, confused, and directionless at the next break of dawn.

Fucking cheebye lah. This has GOT TO STOP.

Ponder

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." -Isaac Newton.
"The happier you are in the present moment, the more intense the pain and suffering when it's all over." Steven Sim, verbatim, English Lit tutorial, YJC.

I am beginning to realise the truth in these adage and law. Perhaps this might even explain why a large percentage my fellow sapiens avoid intimacy and commitment issues. Let's face it, emotions do not discriminate between races, culture, religion, age, gender, etc.

So does infatuation, or to be politically correct, limerence. Say two people are attracted to each other, but one likes the other more. So they go on a date or two, realised they enjoy each other's company, and the proximity over time results in what they perceive as love. Often times, one or the other do not feel the same; the feeling is not mutual nor in equilibrium.

Hence they part ways, with one party in such great hope for continuity becoming utterly crushed.

The happy memories once shared lends itself to a long period of loss, confusion, even anger, on the realisation that so much valuable time had been 'wasted'. Cutting back to the second quote, it takes a lot of courage and willpower forget the significant other and move on, searching for a more compatible partner.

Here's where it gets tough. One will finally manage to be convinced, based on experience, that the next person will always have emotional superiority over the last one. One KNOWS, because it is true. A new relationship always does that.

However it is the in-between period, the grieving period, so to speak, that will prove the hardest yet to pull through. Introspection and soul-searching would have been done, and one will keep trying to re-convince oneself that someone better is always waiting to be discovered. Somehow though, no amount of rational thinking are able to deny the existence of the amygdala. This part of the brain just does NOT want to co-operate with this rationality.

He knows it. She knows it. The bliss that subsequent relationships offer is just a veil. It blinds one from past failures in relationships. The end of each one rips these veils apart during introspection and starts flooding the brain with a tsunami of raw, crippling emotions.

Repeat these processes enough, it is too easy to see why many succumb to fear and "rationalise" that they will never achieve their ideals of happiness in relationships. That they will never be good enough for anyone at all.

Thus begins a self-fulfilling prophecy of future attempts to fear emotional closeness, because the wrong 'law' is being applied to relationships. Because "every action has an equal and opposite reaction". One sees not the process, enjoys not the experience and bliss, but learns to fear the bitter pill: the outcome. When it's all over.

Duly noted, though, that not everyone is that sensitive or easily shattered. After all, many resort to promiscuity as a form of reassurance or comfort.

...but to tell you the truth, what do I know?
What do I know. What do we know.
Who knows?

Monologue Prologue

This is the first post...