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Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A shoulder to cry onto. The tears are the same but I don't want a different shoulder. Sometimes you would be too comfortable with only 1 shoulder that even if substitutes are readily available, you wouldn't want them. Well, life and its controversial twists.
Well, thank God I met my brotherlove yesterday. I managed to wear my heart on my sleeve. I felt so much better. But the thing is, time doesn't stand still all the time and it keeps moving forth and when that happens, just too many happenings takes place and even before you know it, you'll somehow travel back to square 1. Why ?
I simply have too many "WHY ?" (s).
Anyways, earlier on, myself and Mr E were watching "Annoying Orange". Mr E uses that to teach his students. So we ended up sharing our thoughts. He asked me a question and I got it right ! Yay !
By the way, I deleted about 800+ friends from facebook and I am still left with about 1000+. God ! A lesson learnt, Vitz.
Anyways, the funniest thing is, I travelled all around and got entangled in a mess to only return to the same road. Why ? See, I told you that I have too many 'why(s)' right ?
Also, everyone knows but they act. Like I said earlier, its always easy to redeem yourself. Just do all the mistakes and then live up to what they have always wanted you to be and soon after, your mistakes/sins will all be forgotten. Not blaming, but disappointed.
And guess what, Charlie Chaplin is an intelligent dude. Seriously. I love his "I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying". You know idiots would say that crying is only for weaklings - but hello, we are no robots. We have emotions built into us. And guess what, only one thing makes us- humans weak. Only 1 thing and it is, love. When you shower alot of love, affection and concern on someone and when it goes unappreciated or trampled upon, your heart breaks, You may be one helluva strong asshole but you will break down and cry like a baby because it simply - hurts. For some people, you can feel the stab of pain in your heart and feel it literally break into smithereens. Haha.
I just hide behind the tears of a clown.
You got coloured @
4:57 pm
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4:57 pm
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Yes, I'm holding to the broken one, just as tightly.
Not having a good day. My mind is wandering and its just too fatal. Well, can't quite hold my ground especially when there's a huge crack there.
I can't believe my own eyes, things that I see and things that I am seeing. Well, God, can I talk to you ? I really want to.
You got coloured @
10:43 am
10:43 am
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thoughts flowing like a river ....
Well, this is the face that I'm trying to mask. Broken I am, but I got to put up this facade that comes with a plastered smile. Maybe, I should go crave out a smile just like, The Joker.
Well, I would be lying through my skin if I say that I never laughed. Yes, I do laugh, play pranks on others and of course, joke around just like I always do. But being happy and being contented is two different thing. I am happy to a certain extent but I definitely am not contented. I literally feel this void - just this particular empty space in my heart. And for that reason alone, I know that I am not contented. Sometimes, I feel empty. And I realise that no amount of anything can make me feel better.
Very recently, I came up with a status on Facebook which read :- "When you used to be on my mind, it was all legal. You still are on my mind, but this time, illegally". Ha, I bet this sentence is more than enough to explain what I am talking about. No ?
And very recently, this certain thought struck me. I shall narrate this thought by using a story.
Jane and Joe were in a relationship for quite some time. Everything was going well but one day, everything ended, just like that. Strange reasons were thrown and till now, Jane questions them but of course, there were no answers - or maybe, she can NEVER find the answers. But lets throw this aside. Let's look at this :- Love means you can never life without that partner of yours. Jane definitely agrees on this especially since she knows how difficult her life is. And Jane remembers Joe saying this "find a better guy and move on". So Jane wonders now that, it IS possible for Joe to see her with someone else and not feel a thing ?. This thought alone made Jane feel so so empty and maybe not even words can explain that feeling. Maybe, it is alot more deeper than being "empty".
Sometimes, matters of the heart is a tad too subjective to even talk about, eh ?. But I should admit that I really get pissed off with idiots when they think that every single love matter be dealt using the same solutions. Oh please c'mon, matters of the heart doesn't have a freaking, "one-size-fits-all" solution. So please stop making it look all-so cliched. Because it definitely isn't. For some, if Person A leaves, they have Person B. But for some, it isn't like that at all.
Also, it's just so funny to see how things just change like that. Once upon a time, everyone had a vested interest in knowing more about me, my affairs and etc. But now, its so obvious that just too much have been withdrawn. I don't know the reason, but I can hazard a guess. But its definitely, painful. All I can do is, manage a smile even though I am crying a river.
Well well well, God created this and maybe one day, I can ask God himself, WHY THIS HAPPENED ?. Either ways, I realise that when you smile while you're crying a river, you would find a stronger you. Well, at least, thats what I do :P .
And to make matters worst, I get irritated with attention. I really am. I am naturally getting agitated when strangers try to make a move. Yea, fuck yea, I am single but I am not keen already. Too much of a bitter pill is enough for me. I simply don't have the confidence and trust on anyone. Sometimes, I really feel like screaming at those people's face : LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU IDIOTS ! Argh, controlling my anger is another thing. Gosh.
Arghh ! Ok, moving on, I am really looking forward to my play which will take place somewhere in September. Honestly, I got flattened when I read the synopsis. It's just too good ! Well, this play revolves around the concept of Feminism. But, not the good'ol typical ones that we know of. It comes with a very interesting twist. For some reason, I feel that it caters to the "high-end" audience. 'High-end" here refers to "thinkers" - not the ones with higher monetary power. But literally, thinkers. The story is as such. Let me simply end this of with the taglines from the synopsis itself :- " Get ready to face the meanest; bawdiest; cunningly worst; the notorious and the ugliest kind of EVIL !"
On the other hand, I've got my Dance Arena 2011 to think about. I've got an interesting concept to begin with BUT taking it off is of a great challenge now. You know my challenge have been trying to form the "perfect dance group". But over the years, I realise that attaining perfection is definitely hard or maybe that term itself is off the course. But well ..... . For some reason, i feel that the tension within the team is building up - maybe due to stress, unhappiness or etc. But I hope that it doesn't get blown off the top. Or maybe, the active volcanoes will have to lay low when the match sticks are struck. All I know is, patience is the key - remember it isn't tolerance. Tolerance is a collaborated effort. So hopefully, things smoothen out.
And to my fellow haters, no worries, you are allow to make my situation a mockery. You can all come together and laugh and of course, hurl words and etc. But remember, one day you will be in that situation too.
And to my favourite "stranger" who tags my blog like a coward. You can continue doing what you're good at. But remember, you're adding on to your negative karmic points. Just do it and lets see if God keeps you comfortable :)
You got coloured @
11:10 am
11:10 am
