Hi peeps!
Well as you already can see for yourself, this blog is really badly neglected hehe.
I think its time to put an end to this.
I'd be busy working on my life and in the future, on others.
Its a fulfilling path which i've decided to take on.
The path of self discovery and paying it forward.
And no, i'm in no way of wanting to quit my day job.
I love my job in everyway i could.
Just that I chose to take on more co-currently.

Life after TCC(The Courage to Create) is really different.
I did things that I never knew i could.
Regaining that self, that I've suppressed for most of my life is indescribable.
And I want to do more.
=D
Thank you for coming in to read this blog.
Its time for a new beginning, a new life ahead.
Live it.

Its absolutely amazing to have myself back for good. And I love that and I can't stop smiling =)
Now i'm going to work on other aspects of my life.

Hah I seem to update this blog like once a month or something haahaaa.
Pardon me I'm quite packed with stuffs lately.

But things have been going ok for me. =)
Went to play archery for the first time, korea trip in march, went on a spontaneous gathering with friends who brought their friends along. Pretty incredible experience to meet a bunch of strangers and they are really nice people. We stay out till 4-5am before heading home.
I've never in my life talked so much with friends whom i've known for a day. hah!
Its pretty uplifting moment which still lingers on.

Besides work, i'm going to work on myself. Perhaps go on a journey of self discovery and most importantly, learn to love myself alittle more and maybe stop beating myself up everytime something doesn't go right.
And hopefully I can find closure to things I've always wanted to end.

Sometimes I wish i could just run away. from everything.
Stop trying to hide...stop wearing masks...

Yes yes.. another long long hiatus from my bloggie.
Been real busy lately with i don't know what lar. I just simply say yes to going out and therefore, have no time to update things.

I'm feeling a little stressed up, in fact very stress over what I assume is a very very slow progression of my learning curve in ultrasound. =(
Just simply upset with myself.
I don't know what to do to myself anymore. It feels so much easier to give up but that wouldn't be the right way to go.
Just let me get through this period of "unhappiness" over my silly self.

I'm off shift work for at least two months. No more night shifts for now.
I'm officially training in ultrasound...something that i love so much and yet waited so long for.
Its strange when I finally got in...there wasn't any ecstatic feeling. Maybe 'cos i waited sooo long till its no longer something with the "YAY!!! factor".

Nonetheless, i'm happy that at least i have a modality now. Training has been quite tough and i've been working hard at it. Just feel more stressed and tired as usual. I hope I can do it well.
Life now revolves around working, practicing and studying.

Lesser time for social life! lol... i'd try to dig out time yah... =)

The past week has been hectic for me. But i guess its alright.
I slept for 10hours last night. 'Cos there's no prayer session today.
But...i gotta do night shift. Not that I mind though...'cos i don't wish to do more inconvenience to my colleagues. They covered my duties while I was away.
Gotta rush down to another morning prayer session on sunday morning right after my night shift.
I just hope I won't unknowingly fall asleep...

Tears just rolled down my face unknowingly as we performed the last rituals to send ah gong off.
I didn't cry until today. Until i'm literally faced with the fact that he IS really going away and never returning.
I guess when its time, its time to go. I see life and death situations everyday in the hospital...i guess i could cope a little better.

Sometimes it takes a death in the family to bring everyone together. This is the first death so far i've witnessed in my maternal family. And its the first that all of us worked together. This is the first time I've seen all of us united as one. For the first time, I felt the love...the invisible strong bond.

At the end of the day, I question myself....have I worked too hard that I've neglected my family?
Ah gong was admitted into hospital on the same evening that I was supposed to do night shift.
I asked my mum what happened..and she said it was just an infection and he could talk and was only on antibiotics. So I didnt go down to see him that night, instead I went to do my night shift. Maybe he was blessing me that night....'cos it wasn't busy at all, I didn't have a single OT case. Even CT had zero cases, inpatients a small bunch and portable morning rounds was only 7 for entire hospital. I just wished I had gone down to see him before he went off.
I'm happy that at least he went in his sleep peacefully.
I'm not the best granddaughter, but i do love him.

Thank you ah gong for everything.
You'll always be etched deeply in my heart.
I know you're off to a better place now.
Will miss you greatly.

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