Wednesday, March 26, 2008
seriously. if you like someone there's only to things you can do. either u act on it or you dont. if u choose the former, good for you. at least the guy knows or at least you are doing something about it. if not, the latter, then STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING if you SUSPECT some other girls like him and is ACTING ON IT AND YOU'RE FUCKING NOT!! i mean please. dont waste your time nor my time thinking and complaining bout it when in actual fact u are trying ALL OUT to keep the fact from being known by PEOPLE IN GENERAL. not only directly to him. NOOOO. to people in general. then you FUCKING come waste my time and fucking complain and whine and whine. ACCEPT THE BLOODY FACT. BE THE ADULT YOU ALREADY ARE AND AT LEAST SHOULDER IT WITH NO GRUDGES WHATSOEVER. GIVE HIM YOUR BEST WISHES THOUGH INSIDE YOU'RE THROWN APART CUS THAT'S YOUR DECISION IN THE FIRST PLACE. LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.
fucks. i mean. i may not be THAT noble. but at least i know or at least i believe that i havent sunk to the other opposite polar end yet.
craps. what a spoiler. put a fucking damper on my otherwise qte enjoyable night. all thanks to jo and jiayi. had dinner at their place. seriously leong, im shocked at my ability to be able to ingest your cooking. hahas no lars. your cooking really reallys not bads. reallys.haha
played scrabble. intellectual huh? apparently nots with words like "gays" and "cunts" and whatsnots. lols. tits even. -.- lols. lots of laughs and videowatching in between. hehes. but robbed poor jiayi of her much-needed rest. SORRY!! ^^
craps. once again experiencing that heavy draggy feeling liaos. sighs. also dunch knows whys. haihs. craps its like 3.20 am and i have yet to even READ through thy reading of which the summary is dued tml. -.- gees.
whiles at least my one presentation of the sem is over. had hell of a time thoughs. too busy shakings and stammering and trying to cover up my booboos to even notice muchs actuallys. sighs. craps.
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
was just stoning and stuff. then dreaming and all. all of a sudden remembered on sunday's mixed training . damn funny. this guy. super like to take out GPA compare ones...
....................................................................
me: HAR? we pacing with ngee ann ar?
A: pace with ngee ann? ah hee yao wo men si ar? 6 men boat (somehow he doesnt feel that girls actually also rowed -.-) against full boat le. i dun wanna lost to such a #$&^team.
B: no la not full boat. they also mix boat le. 1/2 boat la.
A: no la. not 1/2 la. ngee ann leh. 3/4 lor.
B: haha
A: wah. some of theirs really like ... leh. i just now saw this wah damnman one. i really tot he guy
lor. bi wo hai man le. then i saw her sports bra underneath. piang eh. chao er xin le.
B: ... bi ni hai man ar? ni lian na zhong ye bi bu shang. ni wan le la..
A: hmph! na GPA bi la. yi ding ying ta!
me: -.-
...........................................
sigh. so dead. was like happily planning. ok tonight chiongblah blah. ended up.... CHUI!
so dieded lars.
-.-
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
was just talking to ying.. hmmm.wad to say.
gan chu liang duo?
hmm.. got me thinking. like seriously. what am i doing?
i mean like. ok i did study.a bit. i mean i rush for my assignments. tries to study for my quizzes (tries cause there's this quiz which i totally like gave up on). attempts to read my readings on time(im sorely lagging behind) and erm. i do my parts for the projects diligently.
yes you may say that im working hard. hard enough for one that is in the dragonboat team. with all the trainings taking up my time thus i have lesser time for studies and hence the not-so-perfect performance thus far.
but then if you come to think of it. yes i have dragonboat training. 3-4 times a week. but im doing the same training as everyone else and people like jane can complete her assignments one week before it is due. she has thicker books to read and she can complete reading them. she can keep up her grade. not only jane. yingying also manages to keep up her schoolwork and training PLUS her schoolwork is so much heavier- all being core subjects. wanxian's also balancing her stuff well enough. all the snrs are able to cope well. even managing to score good as in really good gpas. thus db cant really be considered as an excuse.
other than rushing for my assignments and quizzes and projects. i spent mytime viwawa-ing. stalking people online. disturbing others. watching videos and whats not. i could have spent my time better elsewhere. more productive. but nooo... im jsut not disciplined enough for that.
people says joining db trains up one's discipline. geee.. doesnt seem to work for me.
okie enough of selfpitying.
was just thinking. how it seems that me and my frens (in general) seem to view the terms hardworking, studious, diligent (you get the point) as being something negative. offensive even. and tries to come up with reasons to deny the fact. well it may be true that sometimes it means to be insulting but not all the time. there was a period in my life when i really truly look down, even to the extent of despising, people who , to put it derogatively, mugs. but upon reflection, it isnt really such a bad thing. at least they have goals and they have enough motivation to go after their goals. isnt it?
maybe people tries to deny the fact that they are hardworking., diligent, clever, smart cus they truly deep down do not believe in it. after all yi shan hai bi yi shan gao (there's always another mountain that will be higher). but comparatively. from one's perspective. yes they are hardworking blah blah blah.
i would strongly advocate people to be gracious and accept the praise. but somehow i wouldnt be able to do it. so i shall keep my mouth shut. otherwise. though they may appear to be accepting. but then somehow to one's ears they may be sacarstic or something. its the perception problem and we, or atleast i, am still unable to cross over that hurdle.
anyways. i would really really like to say how proud i am of ying.
looking at myself. yes im in uni. yes im in a hiong cca. but. in the end. when it comes down to the nitty gritty stuff. i still have no idea of what am i going to do at the end of 4 years in uni. i mean after all its been already a year and i have yet to know the job prospects for a sociology student. how wonderful is that. when one asked me. i will simply reply "oh pr/hr stuff lor.. qte general stuff la" but then. in actual fact. i REALLY DO NOT KNOW. that's a sad thing to admit. seriously.
im choke full of logics and advices to give others. but then i aint doing much better myself. gee. wad a contradiction eh?
even now. i ahvemore than 100 pages worth of reading in the textbook to go before my test tml. and here i am happily blogging and whats not. talk about learning my lesson.
realised that people do change. regressive. progressive. but they do change. but then when old frens group together they seem to revert back to a pseudo old self. aint it a wonder how chameleon like people are?
i do not , once again, mean it in a bad sense.
eveybody else seems to be maturing. yet i seem to be lagging behind.
just my own private thoughts. though to others, what i have stated above may seem to apply to me (in the sense that they are me and i am "others" sorta thing.)
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
tay chuan's angry with me now. most prob. couldnt bear it. scared. but dunnoe what to do bout it. just like the other day when i was scared ah hee was angry with me. i couldnt bear for ppl being angry with me. ppl who matters. most of the time.
sighs.
i dunnoe what im doing anymore. just dont. sighs. and i hate it.
nobody's tagging again. sigh. sadness.
was thinking. at this pt of time.most ppl probs be all stressed up and stuff. and being emo and stuff. think its a year 1 sem 2 phenomenon. seriously. at this juncture u realised time is running out. and either ure just stressed bout maintaining ur GPA or pulling it up. cus now at least u noe what u are doing. no longer like year1 sem1 when u're just lost and happily in dreamland. yea. tt's why most ppl are like all stressed and fucked up.
just my two cents' worth i guess.
can i jsut have an off day at the beach again? can i just turn back time? or is it simply just as imposible as flying pigs and cows jumping over the moon?
im so fucking gaining weight like free now. eat and eat and eat and eat. FUCK IT LA. sians
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
i realised i qte enjoy reflecting upon myself. the changes in me. generally i dun really realised if there is actually any change in me, my attitude, outlook towards life in general sorta thing. (ok im not really a reflective person to start with. so just bear with it if u wan. if not.. oh wells, u can just click the "x" at the top right corner)
anyways was thinking bout my new nick. "i hateit when youdothatthingyoudo" wells.. nothing much. actually its rather self-explanatory. jane asked me. wad do i hate. ha. great qns. got me thinking. actually was simply implying to my roomie. her incessant smoking habits. oh wells. but then it got me thinking. i hate it when ky starts to jab me about my height in general. i hate it when ppl laugh when i cry. (not specifically to you leong. just in general) i hate alex when she smokes. i hate it when she doesnt bothers cleaning up after herself. i hate it when jane starts preaching. sorta. i hate it when i cant row well.i hate it when im placed in the "lousy" boat. i hate it when im taken out of race. "to rest". i hate it when i reallyreally desperate to go out and everyone and anyone under the sun just seems so far from reach. ok i really should just stop.
anyways. back to the height thing. its always been a problem with me. i mean im always short to start with. shortest few in class since hmm.. preschool? haha. im not like those who like have early growth spurt and then sorta stopped growing after pri sch kinda thing. those at least though still short has had experience in "looking down on ppl" me? basically been looked down upon all my life. not that im refering it in a bad sense whatsoever. im actually fine with it. shrugs it off most of the time. realised summore that most (not all) of the ppl i hang out with are also rather tall. leong, su, donna, dine, wendy, rani, jane just to name a few off the top of my head. yea so seriously being short. im fine with it. i mean. ppl joked about it. never really took it to heart and stuff. but kaiying. sighs. that girl. seriously our ba zi just bu he. really. i mean. she just couldnt stop!! sighs. to think she even said "she's just sitting here. dun shoot her seems like a waste" or something along the line that im asking for it. WAH FUCK. i mean like wellss... u guys ASKED me out to fucking dinner. and then i fucking sat down in my seat first while u are the one who chose to sat opp me. NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND U FUCKING BITCH. sucker. really. that girl. hate her attitude. hate the way she carries herself. ok breathe han breathe. team mate. teammate.
-.- gee man. what's her prob?
ok. so yea.was sooooo FUCKING tempted to tell jane. sighs. shall not. im a nice team mate who will NOT gossip/complain bout fellow teammates. i mean THEY do not know the existence of my blog- generally told everyone in uni who asked whether i have a blog or not: no. so oh well. this doesnt count. haha.
-.- sucker man. seriously.
ok. back to the main focus of this reflection. alex and HER SMOKING PROBLEM.
seriously all along since EVER. ok not EVER. but ever since i know HE smokes. i have no negative feelings whatsoever towards smokers, smoking even. i mean i find them cool. there's even a phase in my life when i was dying to take up smoking. but oh well thank goodness that has passed. yea no negative feelings. i find it ok having ppl around me smoking and puffing away at the cigarettes like its the end of the world. i mean how can i hate smokers when HE smokes? sighs. yea. i mean hanifah smokes and all. and i even join them in their smoking breaks. i mean how dainty can i get with smoking? i mean ave smokes. and i absolutely adores her. in the "idol" sorta way. and stuff. yea.
anyways. so i mean alex smokes. fine its ok. THEN i joined db. oh wells. i tink db seriously has changed my perceptions of certain stuff. (maybe it really did. maybe it didnt. but i feel la) so anyways. yea. db training. running's a must. beginning started off chui. no choice have to work hard. buck up. but then im not really that chiongster type.so yea. didnt go ost and stuff. but then in order to at least maintain my stamina and all. have to start avoiding smoke. i mean its bad for the lungs. thur bad for running lada lada. so yea. alex puffing away in the room. imagine. the whole fucking room filled with smoke. fuck sia. bad for lungs. bad for brains. sigh.
complained. while she said she's quitting after sem1. hopeful. happily waited. beared with it. can back after the hols. she's still smoking. fallen hopes. dashed. so she's still puffing away in the enclosed room. cus she's a closet smoker. and im fucking trying my best to at least MAINTAIN my standard in running. puffing away. trying desperately not to breathe in the smoke. puffing away. yea u get the point. and the fucking deal is that. im a fucking ROOM PERSON! i dun hang around in hall, in school. i staying in room most of the fucking time. (she) puffing away. gee. and whats worse. she's scared of cold. ha. i mean im scared of cold too. cant tahan it for nuts. and she simply likes to like turn down the fan speed to 1/2? or even OFF IT. doors close (she's a closet mugger too), only 2 out of 4 windows open. partially. she happily puffing away. 1 stick per 2 hrs? around there. FUCKED UP LA. im so gonna be so screwed for db sia.
the days before training. this ongoing problem fucking got up my nerves. sighs. sighs...
fucked up.
ok i digress again in my bout of emotional surge.
anyways yes. i feel that after joining db. it has changed my perspective of at least towards smokers. aint so ok with smoking anymore. or maybe its just the living with a smoker syndrome. oh wells. i wouldnt know that would i? sighs. but still. HE smokes. oh wells. so yea. my love-hate relationship with smoking/smokers. sighs. hate the way im feeling. the way it is. sighs.
fucked up.
aint not much of a reflection eh? sighs. oh wells. wasnt much of a reflector to start with. harhar. -.-
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Monday, March 10, 2008
sometimes, even i am amazed by my own stalking abilities.
geee. wonder what THAT says about me.-.-
sighs
getting really restless these days. after mr500. now back to studying. wayyyy lots of stuff to catch up with. yet im surfing the net like free.. stalking everyone and anyone under the sun. sighs. im screwed. seriously.
restless restless restless me.
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
before you know it, mr500 o8 has come and gone. this weekend was more of like rushing here and there with the cultural night of hall 6and what's not. sigh. oh wells. at least cultural night's over. not too bad overall. just that maybe cus i didnt really REALLY fulfill my duties and all so kinda like estranged from it all. but kudos to alvin, the cultural director, who is incharge of this event. getting a 600 bucks worth of banner sponsored, thinking of the storyboard, oversee the whole performances and sorta like the overall "instructor" for those hall performing teams- jamband, boybands, girl groups, dance etc.etc. and also doing all the sounds and lightings and stuff, getting the location, liasing with all the outside performers. kudos kudos. I could NEVER do that. seriously. know i really truly understand how tough it is to actually be the background main guy to come up with/organise (whatever you call it) a whole performance.
maybe from this, i will learn to view the string e teachers-in-charge in a different light.
maybe not. haha
ok mr500. got to say wasnt really THAT great. i meant that the girls and the guys all "throw" the varsity item, the guys managed to get a champion from the opens guys event. which is like. YEAY!! and the snrs mixed team got a 1st? yea. that' bout it. with the trophies. the event i participated in was the opens womens' 20-crew event which we got into the plate finals and got a 5th (i tink). out of 5 teams. haha. the mixed race got into plate finals too. but in the end, ah hee told us to easy row all the way. so sorta like just long pull throughout the whole racecourse. managed to give rp a tough fight. was on par with them. just that at the end they pulled away with their charging whilst we were still easy rowing. haha. not bad not bad overall. 5th. out of 5 again. ^^
saw moi eyecandy. i tink within this 2 days. a whole lot of dozen other ppl actually found out bout my eyecandy liaos. what big mouth i have. gee. didnt managed to take his pic though. but wx helped me to get a side view of him. -.- lols. NYP DE!! haha cute cute~
basically a draining week. haha wouldnt go into the details and bore u guys out of ur wits. haha.
anyways training's gonna resume on thurs. that means... I HAVE MY TUESDAY NIGHT OFF!! yeay!!
ASK ME OUT ASK ME OUT!! harhar.
tired. bashed.
but still loving it. ^^
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
crap da. crap mood. been feeling this way on off for qte some time le. dang. realised i couldnt be much of a good company-me being in the snitch that im in now. sighs.
anyways while rushing through my fucking bloody hs203 assignment AS USUAL realised its became a tues night thing whereby i'll sit at my laptop and squeeze out one page worth of summary jsut to hand in tml. and the thing is that it doesnt matter that the summar is CONCISE and COMPLETE. nope siree. as long as its 1 page long.regardless of how many more pages of readings that are left unsummarised. THAT'S IT. ridiculous i know. but who cares. i mean i tried my best. haha. u said one-page. so one-page it is. lalalalal~
slack i know. fuck it mans.
anyways realised that this weekly assignment thing is not bad at least it forces people to really go study the readings. no matter whether u really get the readings or not. at least it helped some sort for my quiz today. haha.
oh wells. feeling like crap. think im coming down with flu. damnnit. sucks.
training. scaryyyy~
sighs.
its been a rather emo week so far. and its only tuesday. GREATS.
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
ok this is wayyy past the time i should bathe, study and sleep. fucking mid-term quiz tml and yet. not even 1/2 through the studying. fucking dead mans....
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the leap years is fucking nice. damn worth it. so gonna get the dvd when its out. damn nice. cried throughout most of the movie. worth it!!! go watch go watch!
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im fucking broke. fucking dead mans. been spending like free like tt. spendthrift me. gotta start saving le... living on 18 bucks for the rest of this week... is it possible? hopefully.
filled with guilt
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one should be careful of what one wish for....
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fucking screwed this week is for me. tight schedule and stuff. deadlines after deadlines after meetings after meetings after training after competition... DEAD!!!fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
how i wish every week's like recess week. just training after training after mindless trainings.
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fucking hate viwawa. cus it's fucking addictive!!! arghhh!!!
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having bit of a mood this week. sighs. also not sure why. just. feel there but not there kinda feel. also dunnoe how to describe. lots of disappointment this week. felt used, let down. whatever. what's over is over. let the bygones be bygones. (rightttt...) hope its not gonna be like this for the rest of the sem or i'll die...
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been ponning classes lately. kinda bad. excuses afte excuses. is this how it's gonna be for the rest of my uni life? if yes, then im as good as dead. shyt. getting sick of all the studying and all. i mean before that wasNT THIS bad.. but now.. sigh.
maybe its the pms. hopefully...
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my gay-dar's spoilt. maybe there isnt any gaydar in me to start with. ha.
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gotta get it off my mind. but just couldnt. sighs. im SCREWED.
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
i am happily procrastinating and dreading the onslaught of tml.
im having a bloody test on tues morning and i have yet to study for that. ECONS summore.
i am happily daydreaming about a RICH guy who'ld fall madly in love with me for some reason or another this week and SHOW it.haha then he can treat me to watch movies!!!! (after all, tt's wad rich guys are for) and also cus im broke and there's bloody loads of movies that im DYING to watch. (on hindsight, there's a rather rare thing for me since im not much of a movie person, it being ex and stuff... sighs)
i wanna watch:
the leap year(s), l change the world, hurrrr... no more le i tink. 2's a lot for me kaesss....
i wanna go shopping and buy shorts.
i NEED to go shopping and buy black fbt. -.- i have no fucking idea where the hell all my black fbts have gone. sighs.
i need tobuy groceries. see that's the prob with having a #@%$#^&#$ roomie. i mean, its fine using my detergent and stuff. i even suggested using them so she can take from home instead of buying and getting the wrong kind instead ladalada. but thennn....WHY THE FUCK DO U HAVE TO FUCKING USE UP ALL MY DETERGENT WITHOUT , I REPEAT, WITHOUT TELLING ME!!?!?!?!?!? now i have to dig up cash from my nearly empty wallet to buy stuff that i could get from home!!!! #^@$&Y@%$&#$^ sighs.
i so need to get off and start studying. sighs. but....
I DUN WANT!!I DUN WANN!!!!! *throws tantrum* dun wan dun wan dun wan dun wan!!*whinessssss* :( *pouts*
Signing
off, zhuhan.
crapilicious. always crappy.
