as far as i know, 2009 has not been a good year. not for me, not for (some of) my friends and definitely not for the world - earthquakes, floods, hurricanes etc.

reading back on my 2008 EOY post, i totally agree that 2008 was totally forgettable. i tried recalling recently but there wasnt even anything memorable about it but i think i did had a pretty good 18th. hah. and here's the hilarious part, i wrote that 2009 seemed promising. yeah, promising indeed. 2009 promised me hell.

come to think of it, 2009 aint all that bad. let me make a list of my firsts for 2009,

1. doing attachment for 6 whole months (FO,Reservations,HSKP,F&B)
2. made lotsa friends during these 6 months
3. found someone whom i can totally talk to (psst, thank you, though we're not that close already. hmmmm)
4. touch screen phone (okay, lame)
5. drank till i puke (not proud of it, wouldnt do it again)
6. traveled with friends (fi jie & wan tou <3)
7. to BKK (which was mad awesome)
8. had maple syrup together with hotcakes (and actually kinda like it)
9. wore a friggin bikini
10. stayed at a local hotel (swissotel the stamford, yo! & novotel, though i didnt stay overnight)

hmm, and a couple more which are better off reversed.

on a side note, i feel that i ought to apologise to this particular someone, W. there's no way he'll see this so it's kinda pointless but im really sorry things turned out this way. i would love to apologise to him face to face but i guess he'll brush it off so... anyhow! i need to apologise to myself as well. ive let the devil side of me unleashed way too many times this year. for 2010, i want to be wiser, have more self control AND be more level headed.

and some things remained the same, ethan's still as adorable, FAMILY made effort to meet up at least once every month, missing BWSS etcetc

as for 2010, i wish for health and happiness for my family, friends and myself. the rest can wait. (:

p.s oh and i cant believe im gonna welcome 2010 being fat, ugly and broke.

finally went lingerie shopping today. bought 3 bras and 5 undies, i sound like an auntie and this sentence rhymes. LOL. so i got wired bras which i disliked but shu qin talked me into getting them, moreover, they're easier to find lah. those without wires are erm, training bras which are obviously too small for me. ahem.

and somehow, im a B cup. not proud or anything cos the boobs havent been growing since i dont know when so i reckon it's my chest width thats growing. was texting char and apparently she was doing some lingerie shopping too.

and i think ive figured the best timing for shopping on weekends - between 1130 to 1530. cos when you take the public transport back, you can actually get seats.

p.s im kinda looking forward to my 20th (i accidentally typed 19th, lol) cos i really need erm, either cash or clothes. so if anyone sees this and intends to get me smth, tell me okay! advance bday gifts will be kinda nice. hehe

merry christmas!

this christmas was spent at home, watching music and lyrics which i find erm, mediocre. 3 out of 5 stars for it. then it was dinner with my paternal side of the family. ethan sweetheart was there, of course and being his adorable self as usual. had cake cutting session at grans' house to celebrate my grandma's 73rd birthday. i dont know, somehow i feel kinda sad that im never close to any of my cousins. it just feels like a bunch of strangers sitting arnd having dinner. i wonder why im so bothered by it since it's been this way ever since dont know when. oh well.

picture of the day. it's so sweet, isnt it?

i seek solace in a hot cuppa green tea, some sugar biscuits and a novel.

impromptu lunch with cs was good though he claimed that his creamy chicken pasta was tasteless. he had to leave for work after that so i was left with nothing to do. supposed to meet peggy but there werent many quiet places to go on a weekend. so i walked and walked from dhoby ghaut to the national library. got some books and then took the bus home. judging from this entry,it does seem kinda sad - no life. but ive come to accept it and im okay with that. home on a weekend, why not?

so yeah, at least biscuits,tea and novels dont disappoint. for now, im not gonna initiate any meet ups with anyone (other than FAMILY, khrisha, sofi & wan tou) cos i dont see the point. even a teeny bit of effort shows - and i think ive tried, and failed repeatedly. and you know how when we give smth up, it comes back? we shall see.

im not being bitter (or maybe i am), but sometimes, the best way to protect yourself is to build a wall around you.

this movie, affected/touched me to the extent of me crying even after the movie ended. it made me realized how bad i have been towards my parents.

my mum, she prepares breakfast for me everyday, she used to even cook and then send lunch right to my school on her bicycle almost everyday, she always remembers what i ask her to get. her memory amazes me, some times what i asked for till she told me that she has gotten it. of course, there are many more.

my dad, ive never heard him put anyone down - ever. and ive never ever heard him complain about his work either. and definitely never heard him grumble about being tired after work and the likes.

and on my part, i havent given them alot, maybe except for decent results. perhaps thats why im feeling so guilty and bad after watching the movie. im sniffling as i type this, great.

and i shall dedicate this post to my amazing parents. i finally realized one more thing that im certain of in life - to repay them (i know, we owe them too much to even talk about repaying) and try my best never to make them worry.

ahh, i guess im growing up.

i dont know why i like to self-destruct. i think to talk to someone about this, but i dont wish to talk about it. contradicting much?

almost halfway through december, which means 2010 is just round the corner. with that, it means that end feb will be here in no time which also signifies, getting out of poly - which will then lead to slogging my ass off for some travel money which equates to happiness. i really cant wait. and if all else fails, i might just travel on my own. it wouldnt be too bad eh? bottomline, i just need some motivation to get me through now till end feb.

and ive been mentally composing the EOY post for 2009. it'll be a loooong one but i think i'd end up not being able to write them all down. i know it's still too early to judge but this december has been pretty kind to me (:

my posts have not been making sense cos i didnt bother organising my thoughts, shall just let it flow, hah. anyway, i need a new screen name and a decent template for my blog. ive contemplated changing it altogether but it's been with me for almost half a decade so...no.

okay, i shall attempt to start on my 2009 EOY post. have a good week, everyone.

i guess sometimes, we all deserve a break. it feels really good to just take a step back and breathe. not only do i see the bigger picture, i feel better. i think im not making any sense hereee.

Happy 19th Vanessa Choi! <3

Don't expect someone to read your mind, and don't play games with heads or hearts.

Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out.

Half truths are no better than lies.

Don't be cold to someone you care about, indifference hurts more than angry words.

-i got it off felicia's blog

finally met up with FAMILY (minus stanven) yesterday.
-dinner at cafe iguana
-second round of drinks at NCQ

and i was pleasantly surprised and kinda touched by their kind gesture. hahaha. to think that i whine about them so much. i guess im won over pretty easily, hehe.

trained and then bused back home, stoned in front of the com and off to a (rare) good night's sleep. the wonder of wine (:

anyway, i fucking reached a weight that threatens me to go for liposuction. and as of today, i have decided to shed 5kgs. seriously, fuck my weight. fuckfuckfuck. i feel so fugly.

p.s cant wait for xmas and NY

p.p.s please make S.KOREA' 2010 come true!

happy thanksgiving!

shall keep this post short and sweet.

just wanna thank God for being kind to me this year. i cannot even imagine how this year would have been without God's grace.

and much <3 to,

-my family
-FAMILY
-Jacyln, Peggy, Shuqin and Miaoning (otherwise known as my darlings, lol)
-NYPCD!
-great pple from the Accor properties

you guys made this year worthwhile. ((:

credit: some tumblr site, hah

i know the last thing that i should be doing now is this (and of course, facebook). but since the workload is endless and piling viciously, i guess i should just cut myself some slack here and there. though weekends now mean schoolwork time, im kinda looking forward to the long weekends.

week 4/6 into the semester and im still feeling negative. modules are mostly boring or too tedious, projects are crazy and i havent even got to the written tests. ive been ranting to anyone who bothers to listen and even im getting sick of getting sick of school, if you know what i mean.

on a side note, totally love the weathers these days. okay, i dont know what else to say. and i have this love hate relationship with days when my head goes overtime with thoughts. it sucks to know that what im doing now is not making me happy and yet i cant do anything about it but to press on and just go. thank god that this is the last semester and i want to get it over with by doing the best that i could. call me overambitious but if i want it enough, i will get it.

meanwhile, i just need some faith and strength to press on for another 2.5months or so then it'd all be over. yeah, whats 2.5months to me? so, im gonna try to get these negative thoughts out of my head and just get on with whatever.

as mentioned, i think i know what will make me happy - travelling. but i cant even do that now. money and time constraint. i hate it when almost everything has to be measured in monetary terms. it's just not fair. i dont know why we all like to pretend that money is secondary because, it so isnt. how many pple actually gave up on studying not because they cant but because they dont have the money? and dont even get me started on how many pple gave up on seeking treatments and had to be left to die because they cant afford it?

i know, im not exactly poor but urgh, i dont know. i dont know what im trying to derive or prove but i guess we're all very fortunate already. cos at least, we dont have to go hungry.

p.s this post prolly doesnt make any sense but it did make me feel a wee bit better.

p.p.s maybe i should seriously consider travelling alone.

p.p.p.s whoever who's reading this, im sorry if ive dampened your mood or whatever. i know how that sucks.

i have to agree that this one of the movies of THE year. i like Hangover alot as well. anyway, 5/5 stars for this. a must watch! imma gonna psycho my dad to watch it laterrr.

anyway, end of week 2/4. im more than sian half, cant wait to get it over with but yes, im remaining positive. im alr pretty good with this mind games i play with myself. sounds sick but they get me through things.

i need to remaining pay to be in ASAP. :x

p.s ive got an A for Attachment/IPP/Internship whatever you call it. Thank you, to everyone who's helped me in one way or another. <3

3.5hours or so = 80 bucks. i'll be contented just by doing this twice every week. hehe.

so swensen's and ben and jerry's with wan tou after that, shiiiok. im totally craving for the fried mushroom nowww :( let's go TCC for that mushroom burger soon!

oh and while we were enjoying the breeze (if there were any to begin with), this couple were locking lips for like, 30secs and then proceeded to french kissing i think. hmm, go get a room pleaseee?

week 2/4 (depends on how you look at it). which also means, honeymoon period is over. SIGH

our dinner at dempsey was dampened by the heavy downpour so we were stuck in orchard along with another 198373654 pple. if you were hanging out along taka/wisma, you'd have seen the impressive (NOT) human jam along the walkway linking the two buildings.

so we settled for dinner at borders bistro which smelt like kopitiam. saw jam, she was seated right in front of me yet i didnt notice. lol. off to Coffee Club for some soda and tea. had fun chatting and laughing.

school starts tmr, which also means, one day closer to holidays. hahaha.

p.s family! where are you guys?? we havent met in almost a month. lol

p.p.s one of the reasons why i love ian


YaNg~ says:
what is ur favourite fish?

snow says:
i cant eat fish
darling
last warning arh
1 more time i delete you as my friend
hahaha

YaNg~ says:
oh....oops....
but can you go fishing or not?

snow says:
can lah
but what for?
very smelly

YaNg~ says:
shall we go to the sea and fishing
i wanna hook weird-looking creatures

HAHAHA, wa lao eh.

okay! last weekend before school starts. and motto for the new semester: let's get everything over and done with ASAP. (: i guess it's gonna be a fast one, with two weeks of hols during mid dec, xmas, NY and CNY along the way, how many days are left for actual studying?

and yes, it's gonna be three days and as cliche as it may sound, it did pass in a blink of the eye. it somehow feels vaguely like last year when i first stepped in for orientation (anyway, all orientations are crap. im not big on being buddy buddy on the first day of anything. hah). and now, we're all gonna go separate ways again. the question is, whats next for me? like i told someone (i forgot who), the only thing im certain of now is, i want to travel. and it's not because i wanna get out/escape from anything anymore, i just wanna feel more in touch with myself. you know, travelling just has this impact on me, i feel happier, more at peace and think of happy thoughts more.

watched this 2 days back and 4 out of 5 stars for this. anyway, my review is pretty subjective, so long as i can relate to the characters and the storyline is good, it'll score a pretty high rating. anyway, i couldnt remember the last time i watched a Jennifer Aniston flick and she's such a joy to watch. let's say if i turn lesbian, i guess she'll be the kind i'd be attracted to. it must be the whole girl next door package.

paranormal activity's next on my to watch list.

dempsey hill later. (:

after starting on this boring 9-5 job, i have learnt to embrace the weekends. so today was spent at the clinic, bombing $240 on a new pair of spectacles, and then taking the bus home. reached home, surfed the net, read mags, napped, had dinner and here i am.


oh and i have some photos to share,

OMG. so hottt.

actually, shortly after posting the previous entry, or to be exact, 10mins after that, my aunt called to say my maternal grandma had passed away. so these few days were spent working, going to the wake and the funeral this afternoon.

anyway, i chanced upon this quote and i love it.

''Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else''

and so, im waiting

i hope nobody reads this space anymore cos i dont foresee any happy posts coming up.

i wonder when will i be happy again. dear God, it's been way too long. or am i just being a self-absorbed drama bitch again?

:(

what a sucky day. firstly, the sun was scorching. secondly, i missed my first bus to tampines. thirdly, i waited ages for the bus to amk. fourthly, all these buses kept having to stop at the red lights. i know i know, whats wrong with that? whats wrong was that the lights had to turn red every time the bus was just about to go past them. and last but not least, this imp of a kid had to keep kicking my chair during the movie. and who in the right mind would waste 10 bucks on a kid who sure as hell wouldnt be interested in 500 Days of Summer?

okay, im seriously PMS-ing real bad. anyhow, the movie's awesome. 4.5/5 for it. favourite quote/dialogue,

McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend?

Summer: No.

McKenzie: Why not?

Summer: Because I don’t want one.

McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that.

Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?

McKenzie: Are you a lesbian?

Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.

McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Summer: Really?

McKenzie: Nope.

Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–

McKenzie: Break it down!

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!

Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?

[she scoffs]

Tom: What?

Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

and im feeling exactly what Summer's feeling.

okay, so i was surfing the net during work (not because i was slack, they really had nothing for me to do). so i was making a mental list of the movies im intending to catch ASAP. there're like 4 of them, 2 of which were past ones while the other two just started showing in cinemas today.

1)500 Days of Summer
2)A Walk to Remember
3)April Bride
4)The Notebook

oh yes, i predict a weeping marathon. i was just reading the synopsis for A Walk to Remember and it already made me go awwww. okay, im not in any hurry to fall in 'love'. sidetrack a little, i never liked to use the word love cos, it's too broad and not to mention, overrated. but then again, who doesnt want to actually be in love? you know, exactly like the ones you see in movies, those happily ever after sort of thing.

okay, this post will just end abruptly here. hehe

ive got the blooging urge since i woke up but then again, i guess ive lost the blogging touch since i almost always dont know how and where to begin. okay, let me tryyy.

it's october already. mannn. how did the previous month fly by so fast?? the best thing about sept was the BKK trip of course. im still missing the country, friendly, smiley pple. so different from singapore. and yes, this will make me sound like a brat but the living expenses there are so affordable. so imagine good food everyday without burning a hole in your pocket. ;D oh and platinum fashion mall and chatuchak are the bombz. biggest regret was probably not combing the whole of chatuchak. but well, that'll give me a reason to visit soon! to FAMILY, May has to MATERIALISE!

anyway, ive been working as an accounts assistant since mid sept. sounds whoa but basically, all i do is filing, stamping, stoning, you get the drift. then it'll be meet ups with friends after work, then home, then facebook (hehe), then time for bed. mundane but strangely, it's kinda comforting as well.

finally high tea date with jam, massie and ian. we stayed throughout the two sessions and well, it was pretty satisfying. then off to raffles city with jam and ian before meeting ai leng and helmi for phobia 2. shall rate it a 3.5 out of 5. i wouldnt say it's scary but it was pretty entertaining cos i didnt actually know that the movie lasted 2 hours or so.

gloria jean's after that. sat arnd chatting before an impromptu bday celebration for mr gao bin. hah. they had supper at xin wang before getting some drinks at Number 5. chatted some more, pooled then it was time for home/bed.

took NR6 for the first time and i loved it. who wouldnt since it cost 10times cheaper than a friggin cab. :DD

tmr's monday.. boo.

p.s i kinda miss attachment.

can i either rewind or fast forward my life?

i want to be anywhere but here. if i have the $, i'll jolly well get my ass out of here and travel till the day before school starts.

im off to sleep. good night and have a good day ahead.

happy birthday, mummy! i love you.

like what someone told me, a chapter is finally closed. and boy, was i relieved. and let me tell you this, once bitten twice shy. and im really really thankful for the support given to me for the past weeks, thank you.

cause everything's not as it seems to be. i never knew how true this is till well, these few months. let's just say, look deeper and harder beyond the surface.

meanwhile, happy F1 weekends to everyone!

p.s i really dont want to grow up.

dear God, thank you.

p.s and thank you, for being there.

ONE MORE DAY TO BKK

p.s im fucking tired and cranky. but i need to work cos it gives me money. yes, i am that desperate determined.

happy 090909! i couldnt remember what i did last year during 080808. oh wait. i remember now. it was the Olympics and i was stuck at home mugging (like mad) for exams and only allowed myself to catch like 30mins of the opening ceremony.

4/5!

4/5!

3.5/5!

3.5/5!

so ive managed to watch all these within the last week. so much for being broke eh? and normally i would have love the latter 2 (is there even such a description?), but the first two were well, more entertaining. (:

next up would be the ugly truth and erm, my sister's keeper.

accor cert presentation laterrr. cant wait to meet up with the other 13! and of course, the ex colleagues over at the 3 properties. <3

oh man, i actually posted on the first and not a single word was mentioned about being freeee from attachment. so i'll make it up by saying it here, I.AM.FREE but not exactly thrilled, if you know what i mean. after moving around the 3 properties, im more or less used to this mixed feeling. you know? the hellos and goodbyes. but that doesnt necessary makes it easier for me.

life's been okay so far, other than the fact that im effing broke to the max with just 11 days to BKK. i wish i could just take these two months off to travel the world. well, there's always one (very) viable option - buy 4D.

oh and buffet yesterday was good, company was great. maybe a dessert buffet next?

and time for some postsecret lovin'!

im sorry and please tell me you're gonna be okay.

you will be, wont you?

p.s this is emo i guess, but i hate the person that ive become.

just one more day. from the initial 180 odd days. and im not feeling as thrilled as i should be. ahh, i dont know. life's so ironic at times.

p.s oh and i puked blood yesterday

p.p.s 3 more months to 2010. and im kinda looking forward to it. brand new start, yo. but then again, the ugly truths stay.

it's been awhile. no time, or rather, no energy.

anywayyy, 8 more days to go (7 in fact, since it's past 12am now) excluding off days and PH before attachment ends. im actually looking forward to it cos i friggin need a break. but then again, that means no income. i know, nobody can survive on a meagre $xxx per month but it beats having nothing. so im gonna like, get a decent paid PT job. any lobangs?

things are going on fine on the work front, pple there are urgh. oh, strike that. let's just focus on the nice ones. highlight was the dessert or whatsoever that we get to munch one in between.

caught Up and Orphan. Up was surprisingly good, very cute and heartwarming. i guess i should just change my mindset on cartoons. 4.5/5 stars for that. as for Orphan, it's pretty good. more of sad than scary. storyline's smooth and most importantly, not lame nor stupid like the recent horrors that're being shown. so 4/5 stars for it.

im kinda stoned now. more laterrr

i swear im not emo-ing (in fact, im pretty happy with life right now), but i can totally identify with this postcard. i know what im gonna say next will sound as if im 90 and dying but seriously, heartfelt happiness is most of the time, free and may i add, simple. it sucks how we always want this, want to be this, yada yada and when you have it, you want to be who you were right in the beginning.

p.s 2 more weeks or so to go. i cant friggin wait.

currently, im at my last stop for attachment and the worst stop cos f&b is and will never be my thing. i know that we should never jump to conclusions so fast cos you never know whats gonna happen and fate or whatever you call it loves to toy with feelings like that but urgh. f&b sucks like F. please pray that i'll be able to claim my PH for national day on my last day so i wouldnt have to go back there ever again. dont get me wrong, the pple there are generally decent but there are a few that are kinda fucked up. ahh, i better stop hereee. (;

oh and we (sofi, wan tou & i) finally booked and settled the BKK trip today after visiting chinatown to check out the deals. and we got a pretty good one. ((: with that off the to do list, there're a couple of others to be settled before the trip in mid sept, such as,

1)getting my current atm replaced
2)replacing my gross passport photo
3)apply for auto roaming?

thats all i can think of right now.

p.s 3 more weeks. please let it pass as quickly and as painless as possible.

p.p.s oh and i need a camera for the trip. maybe i shall convince my dad to get a new oneee

caught this show with khrisha, sofi and wan yi ytd. 5/5 for this! it's so friggin sick and funny, i like. and i think this is the first time i rated full for movies. well, maybe i just need a laugh (or rather laughs) and there was never a dull moment in the show so yeah.

oh and upon purchasing the tickets, we were asked to show our ID. so fine, we did. and when the ticket person tore our tickets, she gave me this intent and long look so lady fifi (HAHA) asked her why. then the auntie said ‘你看起来很小’. that means i officially look younger than 16, underage minor cannn.

anyway, i was browsing through facebook (as usual), i came across smth which erm, kinda cracked me up.



i dont know if it can be seen but facebook suggests that i add kate moss as a friend. not funny?

p.s i need a break, badly.

new phone! but typical of me, i locked the phone and my dad has to make a trip back to get them to unlock it. urgh. why will i stop being so, stupid?

so today's the last day at GMR and i was slapped with 2 days MC. i suspect the cause of it was the 6 biscuits i ate 2/3 days back. urgh. but i still went back to do clearance and im definitely gonna miss the pple there. really really nice bunch (:

NCQ tmr.

p.s < one month to go!

p.p.s i seriously hate the taste of (all kinds of) cough syrup. urghurghurgh

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You a Right Brained or Left Brained Woman in Love?

this is scarily accurate. at least 85% of it applies to me. not the last point though, hah. but love poems do sound niceee, so shakespeare-y.

anyhow, i shall do a quick update cos i need sleep. just a random question, how has your 2009 been so far? time kinda flies, it's almost august. brand new month, with a couple of things to look forward to. say, new phone, attachment ENDS, sandy coming back etc.

okay, im really tired but i promise i will continue with this post tmr. if blogger displays nicely, that is.

alrighttt. anything above this paragraph was written two days back. and actually, i dont have much to blog about, just some random things.

1) i dont know why, but i have been getting comments that im fair or very fair. and everytime, i go !!!. like what wan tou said, they havent even met wen lin or her. they literally glow in the day.

2) i lovelovelove reading postsecret. it is so thought provoking and i love to see how each postcard is phrased differently and how that affects your emotion after reading it. but yeah, my heart does get twisted up everytime cos it's all happy, sad, hopeful, anger etc all rolled into one.

3) and mr postman came with my parcel.

4) pay came in. miserable sum but im still tempted to spend it on clothes, good food, fun etc. someone kill me now.

5) i wanted to type smth here, apparently but i got distracted by facebook so yeah. hahaha

6) somehow, im anticipating august. it looks, promising (:

p.s once again, i thank god for family and friends. i just feel, blessed. ♥

p.p.s what do i really want (in life, that is)?

nownow, it's been a long time. anyone missed me?

i have a lot to say, as usual. BUT i dont know how to phrase some of them into proper sentences so that they make sense and some are (too) personal thoughts.

anyhow, these few months have been one hell of a roller coaster ride and i allowed myself to commit a grave grave mistake, not to mention an extremely stupid one. ive always liked to be as honest to everyone as possible, including to myself so yeah, it's gonna take some time for me to so called 'forgive' myself and put this behind.

a vacation would really help. im dying to get away from here. oh and in case anyone thinks im emo and/or suicidal, i aint. i.just.need.a.break

p.s once again, im thankful for the couple of friends who've been there. you know who you are, xoxo.

p.p.s oh and i guess i'll stop posting photos up here cos they are all over at facebook.

p.p.p.s 5 more weeks to go.

both taken from postsecret.blogspot.com

my life's been, indescribable. but these two postcards totally relate how im feeling now. once again, i thank god for my family and friends. and if i may ask for a little more, i would need just a little faith, love and hope, thank you.

so much to say, too little time.

anyway, i finally watched The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and i loved it! so 4/5 stars. i know i know, predictable ending and all but im a sucker for happy endings.

anyhow, this week is the erm, second last week at my current attachment place and yes, im kinda attached to the pple there.

okay, im really sleepy and i shall write more, soon. meanwhile, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

p.s i friggin gained (a lot of) weight

p.p.s im not exaggerating/kidding

p.p.p.s which actually makes the whole thing worse. hahaha

time for an update!

life's been pretty good, revolving arnd work (attchment), hanging out with colleagues, friends and mr k. details some other time, perhaps?

p.s the weather sucks

p.p.s i need to sleep more and drink less.

p.p.p.s i need to meet up with pple like FAMILY and jacyln and co. if you guys are reading this, please fix dates soon!

i hate to admit this, but it kinda hurts.

goodnight pple.

wow, it's been two whole weeks since i last signed in. just a quick update.

'i dont know what the fuck is wrong with you all' got this from a guest's friend. (long story, pretty funny though)

an auntie tsked at me cos she kinda tripped over my toes in the bus (hello?? i cant help it if my legs are longer than my body. this is proven cos everyone's been telling me my work pants are too short)

this uncle was like fondling/scratching his crouch for a full 10secs beside me, on the bus. wtf. i hate ah peks. they're like the weirdest beings ever.

oh and ive been eating and eating non stop. diet shall start officially next week.

if you havent seen my facebook status, i had facial for the first time in my life and boy, the extraction part hurt like @&#^#(#@. though i have quite a high level of pain tolerance, it still hurt damn bad. all the (at least 30mins worth of) poking, pressing and squeezing. i bet you can feel/visualize the pain just by this sentence alone. hahaha.

oh and my face is officially red and blotchy ALL OVER. they better go away soon cos i dont wanna spend the rest of my off days at home!

p.s will the roller coaster go downhill again at end week?

mood's been swinging up and down, left and right like a friggin fucking pendulum. let's just hope it's either the (severe) lack of sleep or the once a month visit.

p.s so, what now?

okay, 2 months down. 4 more to go. actually, im neutral toward both attachment and school. both have their own pros and cons but yeah, shall not bore everyone with the comparisons.

everything's more or less routined now, even the highs and lows are more or less fixed. shant elaborate on that.

ive been drinking at least once every week. im sure thats not part of the attachment. weekly 'wine tasting' lesson (; oh and yesterday was prolly the worst cos i was friggin groggy and was stumbling arnd everywhere. but still sane enough to go back to work at 0830 today, thank god.

i have quite a lot to say but i dont know how to begin cos, i suck at expressing my feelings etc. so meanwhile, im learning. but that doesnt mean im gonna share all the dirty secrets here. they shall be (close) friends only.

p.s im taking things one step at a time.

p.p.s i need sleep, badly.

i think im finally getting used to this whole internship thingy and everything's good.

says it all, huh? (:

had a blast with the girls yesterday.

met up with peggy and shuqin (whom i havent seen since WWII, HAHA) at arnd 6pm at raffles city. half of us had subway for dinner while the other half had dinner at the food place or whatever the kopitiam is called.

browsed arnd the shops for a bit before heading over to new asia bar located on the 71st & 72nd level of Swissotel. shu qin made us laughed like mad in the lift cos she had no idea that the bar was located on such high levels. she thought it was level 3 or smth.

settled down at a table with comfy couches and a good view. actually, the view wasnt exactly, w-o-w. i like the lightings though, cos there almost werent any. hahaha. came across reviews on this bar while surfing the net and found that all the reviews were against it. having been there now, i think it's fine. the service wasnt bad at all, we got what we wanted in a flash.

camwhored, chatted, chilled, gossiped, laughed. by the time, round two of drinks came, we got really happy, if you know what i mean. jacyln suggested going for more (free) drinks since it was wednesday (ladies' night), settled at Arena. quite a nice place, wasnt very crowded since it was still pretty early out. shu qin and i sat arnd while the others went over to the dance floor.

reached home arnd 1plus? i know, still early but i have work today at 7am. tsk. but the alcohol made me sleep damn well..

p.s im sorry & i wish it's never happened.

short and (very) summarized update.

last tuesday (off day!) - spent the afternoon and night with FAMILY (minus cs again) at the airport (T1 & 3). and it was my virgin trip to T3. sua ku x100. it was kopitiam & popeye's for dinner. chatted, crapped, gossiped, laughed.

good friday - started off badly. everywhere was crowded, karaoke place was full, movies were full house, it was raining (not exactly a bad thing) but still. and someone was being his usual whiny self which totally sent me over the edge. watched shinjuku incident, plot was pretty good. maybe it's because i didnt expect much since i was dying to settle for any movie which werent left with the front row seats.

dinner at suntec, walked arnd before taking the train home.

saturday - met up with my aunt and my cousins at jurong point. been wanting to check it out since it revamped but it was pretty disappointing cos the shops were not where i would normally get my clothes from.

met up with 3 of my colleagues for some drinking session. stayed out till almost 4am despite the 10am shift the next day. boy, was i zombie-fied. but it was nice hanging out with them.

i shall go and sleep now!

♥

this post might not make any sense, but i just need a place to keep me sane. i miss school, i really do. this may sound stupid but the pple in school are well, they mind their own businesses and everyone's more or less civilized.

but i cannot say that for a workplace. especially when you have pple from different ages (LOL but it makes a difference), different backgrounds/countries blah blah blah. it just kinda sucks. oh and i think some of them think im 9 instead of 19. but sorry to say, i realized i have a pretty strong sense of whats right and whats wrong and i know what i want. i dont know if you realized but the more you say smth, you more you screw it up and the more i know what to do about this.

oh and one more thing, i realized that i cannot/never trust anyone of the opposite sex. okay, maybe other than my dad. anyhow, it's very hard for me to trust anyone wholeheartedly. anyone knows why?

before this post gets too personal, have a good week ahead!

met up with peggy at far east. was late for 45mins (!) cos i took 162m instead of the train. i swear im never gonna take this bus again unless i have ample time to spare and i had no idea how many pple take that bus.

anyhow, managed to buy another pair of pointed heels for work (intend/tempted to get another pair of wedge cos my toes will be mushed after wearing the killer heels). actually i think i bought it too quickly cos it's a tad too tight when i tried it at home, damn. oh and i found the perrrfect blazer at mango. as for the price, perfectly out of my budget. but then again, if i live on bread, butter and water..

so basically, we combed all the shoe shops in far east. peggy didnt get anything in the end. walked over to wisma and ngee ann city. wanted to get flip flops but the crowd pissed me off. was bored/tired/hungry after that. intended to try delifrance but idontknowwhy i went and suggested swensons so we had to walk all the way to PS to have dinner.

dinner was great since we ate at like 6pm. HAHA. mac and cheese was erm, kinda watery for idontknow what reason hence the cheese wasnt cheesy enough. okay, my english sucks. fries was good but it was better years back. chatted and froze under the AC.

walked arnd PS before taking the train to TPY. had the worst tasting ice cream ever. it was artificially colored and smelled like honeydew throughout.

p.s work later at 1pm-11pm

p.p.s tmr's off day, shiiiok!

finally friday!

ive been working for 8 days straight and this week has not been very smooth sailing. anyhow, im just glad that the weekends are here and the sun will have a chance to erm, shine on my butt. ive been waking up at 0530 every single day and it's taking a toll on me. i slept at like 2130 for the past two days.

alright, enough of whining. i dont know, but i seriously think X hotel is overstaffed. the whole place seems very crammed with employees. oh and the lifts (both the goods and guest lifts) are friggin friggin friggin slow. i swear the one at my block is at least 2 times faster.

okay, i realized im still whining. am looking forward to the off days, more sleep, meet up with friends and being myself.

does hearing someone say you're 'very cute' make you cringe?

i think i can safely say that im getting used to working (or rather, attachment). though i do get really drowsy half an hour before lunch (counting down) and one hour after lunch (digesting).

anyway, i am currently at the reservations department together with jia min. basically, we take phone calls, key in reservations into OPERA, assist in house guests with requests etc. i like it cos i get to sit down, eat/drink in the office while in front office, all you do is stand and kinda stone.

renny and shu huei are my usual lunch buddies. and one of the sales managers asked shu huei and i to join her for lunch. walked over to bugis junction's food court and lunched there. oh and she (sales manager) treated us bubble tea. lol. wellwell, she's a really nice lady (not just because of the bubble tea treat,duh). very approachable and there're no 'airs' arnd her unlike some whom at one look, you know you have to be very careful arnd.

office politics, i totally need to know how to play the game.

3 days to friday! urghurghurgh

okay, i think my immune system is at its all time low. ive been coughing, sneezing (not really, just runny nose) for A MONTH and they are not showing signs of recovery. went to eastshore hospital's 24hr clinic to see the doc for the THIRD time today.

consultation was less than 10mins and the fee was !!!. i kept telling my dad that ethan should totally be a doctor. wellwell, it seems really easy. ask patient whats wrong, listen to the heartbeat, prescribe medication and pam! ka-ching in the pocket. it's probably the process of being a doctor (studying part) that sucks.

anyway, he wanted to precribe me with an inhaler but i opted for pills instead.

p.s im 600grams away from my ideal weight. actually, i know im not fat or anything but yeah, i just want to be proportionate and 45 is kinda a nice number.

p.p.s my next off days are exactly 8 days away

p.p.p.s staypositivestaypositivestaypositive

if you could rewind time, whats the one thing you'd want to change?

i have many regrets in life (i think), but if i could only change one thing, it would be myself. i dont know how i'd do it but i'd want to be well, a better person. i hate how i can be pretty self centered at times. and if i could change one more thing, it would be to listen to my mum more. you know what they say, 不听老人言，吃亏在眼前 (i miss expressing myself in chinese!) 。

anyway, the abovementioned question was mentioned in the conversation we (FAMILY minus cs) had at Ice^3 just now. meet up was short but good, as always. and yes, they had vegetarian dinner with me and june ang expected me to be grateful. it should be the other way, i helped you guys gather good karma. hahaha

ive been feeling like this for the longest time. hmmmm, it's like, when you look back at your friends then and now, it seems like everyone of them has changed. some for the better, some well, for the worse. one thing is somehow inevitable, we grew apart. the same inside jokes arent that funny anymore.

sometimes when i blog hop, i cant help feeling erm, left out. it seems that everyone's changed, different and having the time of their lives while here i am, unable to keep up, being left behind. yeah, i dont think ive changed much at all. im still the same person 10 years back and now. it may be a good thing, it may not be.

ultimately, this post is not meant to put a blame on anyone since change is the only constant in our lives. and i am very thankful for having really awesome friends. they know who they are.

p.s i think i need to open my heart a little more.

i shall do a quickie.

so results for year 2 sem 2 were out like 2 days ago but singtel mio decided to die on me so i only got to know my grades via sms and GPA when i checked at work. overall, i am very very thankful. andandand *drumroll* a distinction for business finance. the emphasis is totally on 'business finance' and not 'distinction'. it's as good as scoring full marks for math, if you know what i mean.

p.s im still sick. the bloody air condition is urgh.

p.p.s either that or im getting old (& weak).

600th post! thats well, pretty amazing. HAHA

met up with rachel & sofi at novena's donut factory for lunch. nope, we did not just have donuts. donut factory has now diversified their product offerings (sheesh, sounds so marketing but it brings the idea across) with well, proper food. prices were reasonable and food was decent.

rachel had this erm, breakfast set with two donuts & a drink. sofi had this fried tofu balls thingy which is good and mushroom soup while i had mac and cheese and mushroom soup. personally, i feel that the mushroom soup wasnt creamy enough. i think they used shittake mushrooms though (:

i only managed to drink 1/3 of the soup cos the combination that i ordered was a tad too creamy. caught up with one another and it seems like schooling is the best occupation ever. haha.

shared the breakfast set thingy with sofi. and pardon me for being such an amateur but i tried iced english breakfast (tea) for the first time and i love it. goes pretty well with glazed donut.

walked arnd novena square and square two for a bit before going on separate ways. rachel to bugis while sofi and i to orchard. i think singaporeans are merely grumbling for the sake of grumbling about recession. taka is packed with shoppers. oh and by the way, there's this topshop/topman/warehouse and some other british brands sale at taka till the 25th. but the item selections were mediocre.

sofi then headed off for her prayer meeting while i started on the search for pressed powder and blusher. and i came home with this!


Ettusais' Sweet Marble Cheek Color in PK5

the powder puff is soooo mini & cute.

shall hunt for PP tmr. happy weekends everyone!

oh and my roster for the next two weeks are as follows:

16/3: 11-9
17/3: 11-9
18/3: 11-9
19/3: 7-5
20/3: 7-5

23/3: 7-5
24/3: 7-5
27/3: 7-5
28/3:7-5
29/3: 7-5

30/3: 7-5
31/3: 7-5

p.s somehow, i found my roster in the dustbin and i have absolutely NO idea how the hell it ended up in there

p.p.s if those pple having attachment think they're in jail (saw a couple of such status in facebook), then i think im on (temporary) life sentence.

highlight of the day: a very very cute japanese (guy). well, big eyes, nice hair, sharp nose etc. erm, wanted to 'stalk' him but was kinda unsuccessful. HAHA. ask me for more details, since blogging isnt exactly private.

i have found one perk of attachment. ogle at cute babies and cute/hot guys. maybe i should include this in my log book. my LO will prolly shrug it off. oh and i had trouble starting on my log for today cos well, cute guy alert!

one day to friday!

weekends were spent sleeping and snoozing. i dont know if im really that drained or the effects of the medicines that ive been taking. i believe it's the latter though. the tiredness was erm, overpowering, i could just lie there and fall asleep almost instantly. i like that though. beats insomnia anytime.

attachment is and will be taking up most of my time for the next 5 months plus or so. am staying positive and hope time will pass real quick. i guess it will also more or less determine if i should continue to pursue education in this field. if not, there're still a couple more options (:

i think im someone who cannot have atm/credit/debit cards. since i cant 'see' the money being spent, i dont feel the pain. and not to mention, it's totally convenient. take it out, have it swiped, key in pin and thats it. i almost signed up for ibanking just now but i think it'll be my passage of no return.

okay, im rambling about nothing in particular.

p.s looking forward to the (next) weekends already!

p.p.s and not to mention, payday!

so friggin tired. only slept for like 3 hours or so due to bad bad cough. sigh. it's been almost one week.

so these 4 days were spent attending training lectures/seminars/however you call that. the trainer for the first three days was (and still is) great. i dont know how to put it into words, you gotta meet her, hah.

and while walking to the bus stop to take bus home. shu huei and i met this freaky old woman. we were like chatting, laughing then we walked past us and gave us the middle finger. !!! so we were like , wth! and before we even had the time to react, she turned back and swing her back at us and attempted to spit at/on us. thank god we were a good 3m away from her. friggin freaky. so we turned at once and ran into this building, all paranoid.

only got out after 5mins after coast was clear. damn, i cannot tolerate rudeness.

and my roster for next week is out! everyday 10am to 8pm. offdays on weekends.

p.s i havent even worked officially and i already want to take back my words on how attachment is better than school.

p.p.s staypositivestaypositivestaypositive

HAPPY 19TH to JACYLN! ♥♥♥

& im officially voiceless. if i open my mouth to speak, i sound like eric tsang. dont know who? go google his name. haha. it's not very funny when your attachment is next week. ahhhhhhhhhhhh. i feel like taking out my throat (area) and giving it a good scrub.

my voice has evolved (i like this word) from hoarse and throaty to hoarser and nasal. basically, it's as disgusting as described above. more about this later!

yesterday 2702 (& a little of today)

got out of the house at arnd 1400 to amk to open a new bank account and get a card (like finally!). thank god there was a separate counter for it and as expected, the aunties and uncles were all there, queueing for idontknowwhat. they are always there and ask tons of questions repeatedly. i think they're insecure or smth. but the staffs there are pretty nice, patient, smiley and all.

anyhow, the main point is, it took me, half an hour or so to complete the whole process. trained to city hall, walked over to marina square to meet char and lm for slumdog millionaire. the woman charged me $8.50 for each ticket. okay, i assumed i'll be charged student price so i didnt flash my student pass, my bad.

4/5 stars for slumdog millionaire. storyline's fresh, but it saddens me to see the living condition of the slums and squatters (elect geog ^^).

so while we were getting out of the cinema, char and i saw this man who's dressed in smart casual (with shirt tucked out), putting his hand into his shirt and started scratching all over the neck and stomach. you'd think he's an ah pek right? wrong! he's this middle age man with his gf (i think). maybe we should thank god that he didnt do this to his gf.

then we met up with va inside city hall station. trained over to dhoby ghuat but we missed the station and the evening crowd was too overwhelming. so we alighted at somerset and trained back.

walked over to The Cathay to meet mustaqim and wahid. just sat arnd since cs was still stuck in school. wahid has a friggin bike. so anyway, chatted and stoned for a bit while waiting for cs. then mus and wahid had to go off for some group meeting. so we drove off to holland v.

music was blasted on board and everyone had to shout to be heard, and the driver was making lots of u turns, left turns and the 'jerky' thingy that you can make with the brake or smth.

driver drove over to dempsey cos he thought we were going there. so after all the figuring out og routes and finding parking space, we finally settled at this erm, italian fine dining restaurant at arnd 2100 lets make it 2130 or so. HAHA

food was pretty good? (note: check out the food pictures on FB, lazy to uploaddd here). chatted, crapped, laughed. left the restaurant arnd 2300 since it's closing. went over to coffee bean to 'borrow' their toilets. ladies one was EW. so va and i used the gents. then lm forced asked us to peep into the contents of the toilet bowl in the ladies. urghurghurgh. i dont think anyone wants the details.

stood arnd outside sasa while comtemplating on where to go next. cam whored a bit. jiggled/wobbled a bit too vigorously and i spilled the whole packet of char's sweets. (sorry!) drove arnd and camwhored at this random car park.

last stop was va's house. gulped glasses after glasses of water cos my voice is totally off while watching va fiddle with her newly created FB. HAHA. went off arnd 0100 and cs drove all of us home.

FINALLY, a couple of photos to end off this (way lengthy) post,

























time check: 1405. i took almost 3 hours to churn out this post.

p.s my dad's like blasting playing those hokkien songs about heartache and all. well, i guess most hokkien songs are emo.

p.p.s need to go and get my first meal of the day

p.p.p.s i want my voice back!

p.p.p.p.s bought 4d & toto for the first time in my life. okay, as what pple would say, NOOOOOB.

yesterday 2502

time check: 1530

yeah, i woke up at 1530 despite sleeping at 2300 the day before. before anyone gets envious here or starts accusing me of being a pig, i did not sleep through the whole 16 hours. all thanks to the friggin annoying alarm that's forever on snooze despite the fact that the alarm setter will never ever respond. so why set an alarm in the first place AND why snooze it when you know you're never gonna wake up at that designated time? (note: alarm setter isnt me, duh)

maybe it's not a big deal and im just being dramatic but please, have some pity on people who dont just hit the sack and tada, fall asleep - instantly.

anyhow, i woke up with a throbbing headache and burning throat. had to skip the appointment at novena and the meet up with ajrina (sorry about that!).

today

im better now after taking panadols and salt water. haha. another day of lazing arnd at home. neither good nor bad, since 1) the weather's been good, 2) im broke so no point going out

anyhow, i was at this forum and came across a few links which i found useful and i shall share!

Skincare Ingredients To Avoid For Acne Prone Skin

Knowing Your Skin Type

Essential Daily Skin-care Regimen

my throat feels like sandpaper since yesterday night. all was well before that, so pissed. voice is now all hoarse and strained.

oh and i was napping when the postman came knocking on my door. tried on the leggings that i bought and let's just say it fits snugly and i could/should totally lose my flabs from butt down (note: flabs. i know im not fat but im not exactly the most proportionate person arnd).

i shall will stop spending $ on clothes and what nots till at least, the first paycheck comes in. it'll be cheap dining and entertainment, for now. better still, sponsorship(s).

for those who dont already know (okay, this sounds rude and snobbish, sorry), i'll be out of school for one semester (i.e. 6 months) for attachment. and since we've been adviced/told/warned (depends on how you see it) not to blog about work, i shant.

however, some details:

1) i'll be working at the front office
2) it'll be a 5day work week (thank god!)
3) the uniform's erm,

yeah, will post the roster up once ive gotten it. wish me luck! ♥

some photos of ethan!