You Had Everything to Lose

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead. Yesterday is a promise that you've broken. Don't close your eyes. Don't close your eyes. This is your life and today is all you've got now. And today is all you'll ever have. Don't close your eyes. Don't close your eyes. This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose. -Switchfoot

Last year at this same time, I committed to writing a blog for one year. Specifically I wanted to stay in contact with my former students at Texas A&M. I wanted those who inspired me to get out of bed everyday to understand what an international move could do to a soul, both the good and the bad. There were ups and downs (more downs than ups). But it has always been a learning experience. I have written about leadership at the point of a bayonet, Dragon Lady and her zest for blood, and of course flat whites. I have told you to wear the white coat when you doubt yourself. In truth it seems this has been a series of last lectures (Salma Tejani would be so proud of me.)

When I started the blog I also wrote about my identity within the university and how it had been defined by the circumstances I had found there. Since last May, I have written about some of the challenges I have faced since moving to Australia. I have sought inspiration through those leaders who have inspired me. I have continued to ask myself "who do I want to be?" Honestly, most days I have spent thinking about how a 30 something could struggle with idenity as much as I have. Most days I feel too old to deal with this $#!+. I should not have had to uproot myself to a new country to find new challenges. But regardless, I did. I left a great job, a great team, a great community…and I am still not sure why. I am still debating this on a daily basis. I know that I want to continue to travel and I do not have an interest in living here (down under) forever. I started a job, only to walk away two weeks later (life is too short to watch people be treated like crap.) I realized I don't really have any hobbies, and that's ok. I have felt the pressure to be a parent and make my way through the land of confusion. I have used song lyrics to convey my true feelings. It's not been the best writing, but it was never meant to be. It was meant to be a glimpse into my random thoughts. It was meant to show my former students who seemed to think I had my stuff together that I struggle too.

So, to the students I have worked with in Aggieland- it is safe to say that you may continue to ask yourself am I who I want to be? I also think you should know that it is ok to be that 30 something one day and still be questioning your decisions. You should approach each day with the expectation that you will learn something new (even if it means you are learning how to drive on the other side of the car and the other side of the road.) You should know that adult life doesn't have to be boring and without adventures. You may be struggling currently- it's the end of the semester. It is time for finals. You may be questioning why am I doing this…just as I ask myself the same question each day.

Let your life never be boring. Always seek out new adventures. Always seek out opportunities to get out of your comfort zone. This is ultimately why I left. New adventures. I hope that one day, when I am much older and maybe a little wiser I will look back on this time in Australia and have an understanding of the impact it had on my life. For today, I will continue to ask myself am I who I want to be and I will be comfortable with the answer that I simply do not know. I am still seeking out an identity. Most of all, know that you are not expected to have all the answers in life or know exactly who you are going to be by the time you graduate. Developing your identity should be a life long process. There is no timeline. There are no steps. There is no manual for how to do it (although there are a few theories!) Always be WTF- wise, tenacious and fearless (Generation WTF.)

I am hoping that I am at the start of a new adventure with my work through EducationUSA. I am hoping that the State Department will suffice my desire to continue to serve my country while helping students achieve their educational goals. Maybe my identity has not changed all that much. I still want to pay it forward. I still want to make an impact. I still have hopes that I can continue to help those I left behind in Texas.

I committed to writing for one year. Dodge committed to "Dodge with a Blog" for a year but he got old and grew sick of writing. I am not sure that either of us will continue to write. But certainly if we find inspiration, you can expect to see something from us here.

Thanks for reading Counting Stars Down Under.

Whelan, Christine B. Generation WTF. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press, 2011. Print.

Land of Confusion

Too many men, too many people, making too many problems. And not much love to go round. Can't you see this is a land of confusion. 

Does anyone ever feel completely overwhelmed by the news in the world? It just seems that the positive is outweighed by the negative. Tonight we are sitting thinking about the victims of the Nepalese earthquake, the looming executions in Indonesia, and of course there are riots, human rights, war...perhaps not so very different than the last but much more well documented.

I have overwhelming urges to help out. Nepal for example needs doctors or engineers and I am neither. I can tweet about standing for mercy or love can't wait. It of course just adds to the clutter of the twitter verse. These problems seem so big. And I am so small.

Two songs resonated with me today. One was Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance) and the other was Land of Confusion (originally by Genesis and later redone by Disturbed- the one on my running track. For years I have done small things. I wanted to impact students in the hope that they would go on to become those who could do more. I wanted to connect with future generations through my daily actions. These songs were an inspiration to me to keep working everyday.

But today I had a different reaction. It was overwhelming. I have two sons. Some days I don't feel like a mother. I still feel too young and too immature. I am goofy. Probably not the best discipliner. Yes...I remember the show 30 Something. They seemed old and tired. I feel old and tired somedays, but then I throw my Converse on and feel like a 20 something again (and like I should jump on a plane and travel the world.) It occurred to me today though that I am no longer the only one who should be trying to change the world. Now I should be teaching the two wild boys to do the same. Perhaps this is how I will impact the world. Small things which hopefully contribute to a larger picture. It gives me a sense of hope.

This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given. Use them and let's start trying to make it a place worth living in. 

Wear the White Coat

Is confidence a learned or inherited trait? Are some people born with it? If you aren't born with it, how can you learn it? How can you build it? How can others help instill it?

These questions have been with me for years. In my previous life at the university, I had plenty of opportunities to both explore my own confidence (and sometimes the lack there of) as well as discuss with students and co-workers the importance confidence plays in every day life decisions. I have always reflected on a story I was told about medical students.

Often times, when medical students begin rounds they are seen as young and inexperienced because they do not carry the confidence of a seasoned doctor.  Perhaps you have had a medical student manage your appointment. Maybe you have thought "now where is the REAL doctor? " Many times, patients sense the lack of confidence the student has and determines that its time to speak with an actual doctor. If you do not feel the medical student conveys the confidence then you may not feel secure in their care.

And this is where my mantra comes from: "Wear the white coat." Simply stated, medical students must wear the white coat and carry the confidence that the white coat portrays even if it means faking it. The old cliche statement of "fake it until you make it" is certainly true for these students.

When you lack confidence in yourself, you must put the white coat on and act the part.

I have often times done this and have also advised my students to do it. Perhaps you are leading a group or guiding a project and are not fully confident in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. The key however is to put your white coat on and accept the responsibility which has been provided to you. Furthermore, you should carry the confidence that you have been trusted with from others. If placed into a position by others, they must believe you are able to accomplish the task. For medical students, this can be grounded in the fact that they have been admitted into medical school and have completed coursework, exams, etc. When my students were struggling with their studies and questioning whether they would be successful, I had them reflect on the day they received their admissions letter from the university. The letter was a vote of confidence that the admissions committee had in the student to succeed. The memory could be their white coat.

I recently came across an exempt in a book I am reading (1776). Specifically, the passage was spoken by George Washington. The first President of the USA. Certainly a man who was the "first" leader of the new states must have been confidence in his ability to lead. At least, in my mind it would seem that an individual who had been so successful in life must have been born with confidence. Perhaps he never doubted his decisions or questioned whether the struggles of leading were worth the stress. However, it is interesting to find out that he questioned himself and clearly stated before Congress that he did not believe himself a worthy leader for the task at hand. He stated:

I am truly sensible of the honor done me in this appointment, yet I feel great distress from a consciousness that my abilities and military experience may not be equal to the extensive and important trust. However, as the Congress desire it, I will enter upon the momentous duty, and exert every power I possess in their service and for the support of the glorious Cause. But lest some unlucky event should happen unfavorable to my reputation, I beg it may be remembered by every gentleman in the room that I this day with the utmost sincerity, I do not think myself equal to the command I am honored with. (pg 49). 

Washington put his "white coat" on. He took his confidence from the fact that Congress had faith in him to lead. This helped him fake it and then he made it. I think it is fascinating that even the best leaders have questioned themselves and their decisions.

In thinking about outstanding leaders and their own struggles, it gives me faith to know that they themselves were not always confidence in their own abilities. It seems to give me permission to also struggle with confidence. It also gives me hope that I can overcome my obstacles by wearing the white coat.

Excerpt from: McCullough, D. (2005). 1776. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Baking? Painting? Not So Much.

I was recently asked a question- "what are your hobbies?" 

This question seems pretty ordinary. What can it tell you about a person? How would you answer it? I think many people would say cooking, painting, writing, reading, running. To get know someone truly however, I believe we should ask "what are your true passions?"

Passion is a word I used a lot in my previous life at Texas A&M. I taught students to follow their passions; I encouraged them to stop believing everything they were told, stop doing what they are told by others blindly, and start thinking about their own passions and how this helps their identity development. Furthermore, I encouraged them to use their passions to guide their everyday decisions. 

So, when I was asked "what are your hobbies" I focused back on my passions. While retelling my story of my life to this individual I found that my passions have been carefully intertwined into my years. Perhaps I am not one with a hobby such as baking or painting, but my passions do drive my each and every decision.

Passion: History. I have the strength of context. I like to know where we have been in order to understand where we are going. I enjoy pondering the past and thinking about the ways it has influenced the present. Do I live in the past? No. Do I say "we have always done it this way." No. I simply use the past to make decisions about the future. 

Passion: Connecting. I have the strength of connectedness. I enjoy helping others connect with resources and experiences which can help them in life. This is essentially how I pay it forward. Introducing people to others because others have made introductions for me. Instigating relationships which can help individuals and organizations with achieving their goals. Supporting others connections so they can become successful in their endeavors. 

Passion: Leadership. I have the strength of maximizer. I enjoy helping others maximize their own strengths to become the best leaders they can be. Sadly, many people do not believe they are leaders in any capacity. However, I believe that everyone is a leader in their own right. Everyone has the opportunity to lead, regardless of style or characteristics. Regardless of title or position; regardless of circumstances which may control them. 

These passions together make up my hobbies. I read, study, research as much as I can. But it all comes down to what I can do to help this world be better. Perhaps I am not a baker. Or painter. And as much as I enjoy a good run, I would not say that running is a hobby. However, my passions are what drive me in my everyday life and decisions. 

Toes in the Sand

Yes, it's been awhile since I last blogged. Why this lapse in updates…pretty simple. It's summer break. Perhaps I don't seem like the "hang ten" kind of girl…but as soon the warm sun showed up I found myself heading to the beach or the pool. I had heard about the Melbourne summer. It seems most have forgotten that I grew up in Texas. In Melbourne, it may be hot for a few days only to find it will soon cool off. Quite different from the four or five months of ridiculous heat we lived through in Texas. On another note I have found it is nice to open the house up in the evenings to let fresh air in, something I was never really able to do in a Texas summer. When you have sons this is a plus.

When many people think about visiting Australia, I believe they think of two things first: 1. Sydney and 2. The Great Barrier Reef. So why should one consider visiting Melbourne while making a trip here, and better yet- why fly four more hours across the continent to visit Perth?

Let's start with Melbourne and what some may consider its charms. I find people are a little more snippy here. It is a large city after all and I suppose they have somewhere more important to be. No times for "hello" or "howyadoin?" But when you are walking through the CBD and visiting the cafes and walking the lane ways, you feel as though you are in Europe. So you might as well act the part and sit and have your coffee. They take their cafes and coffee seriously here. And I am fine with this concept. Melbourne also has beaches (shocker for you that only want to visit Sydney). Furthermore, Melbourne has the Great Ocean Road with the 12 Apostles (or maybe 9 now.) If you aren't familiar with it, google it. Outstanding views, nice beaches, a few rain forests and just enough car sickness on the very windy road to keep things interesting. Also within driving range is Phillip Island. Phillip Island is known for many sites, but our favorite is the penguin parade. Imagine the little penguins (literally the smallest penguins on earth) waddling up on the beach waiting for their friends to come in from the sea as well. Picture a subway. They all wait together, board their little "train" and then wonder up the dunes making stops along the way to drop their buddies off at homes. All happening while the babies wonder out of the nest and cry for their mom or dad and await their pending arrival.

Melbourne is a nice place.

Now, let's talk about Perth. I will try my best not to make Melbournians upset. Perth is simply one of my favorite places to visit in Australia to date. While Melbourne has Phillip Island and the Little Penguins, Perth has Rottnest Island and the Quokkas. A tough competition for which little animal I might love more. Rottnest Island essentially is an island stuck in the past. No cars (a few transport buses), no hotels (just cabins to rent) and only bikes to rent to get around (or you can actually use your feet). It makes you take a deep breath and step back into time. And what better way to relax than to get away from the hustle of the city? The beaches in Perth are pristine and yes there are shark sitings but I always felt safer in Perth due to the helicopters searching the coast line for sharks. They take the business seriously and it made me more confident to wonder into the wonderfully blue waters of the Indian Ocean. Perth is slower. More spread out a bit than Melbourne. People seem to take a little more time and perhaps that is why I love it. It just feels more like Texas (minus the Galveston beaches.) If you need a few other things to entice you, you can also visit the Freemantle Prison and the Shipwreck Gallery. Luckily, Google can give you much more information about these places.

So, if you are considering making a visit to Australia, and I hope to see some of you soon, consider Melbourne but also beautiful Perth.

Yes, Sydney is wonderful (and their train system tops Melbourne's any day). Queensland is a wonderful site as well. But don't forget Victoria and Western Australia.