You Had Everything to Lose

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead. Yesterday is a promise that you've broken. Don't close your eyes. Don't close your eyes. This is your life and today is all you've got now. And today is all you'll ever have. Don't close your eyes. Don't close your eyes. This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose. -Switchfoot

Last year at this same time, I committed to writing a blog for one year. Specifically I wanted to stay in contact with my former students at Texas A&M. I wanted those who inspired me to get out of bed everyday to understand what an international move could do to a soul, both the good and the bad. There were ups and downs (more downs than ups). But it has always been a learning experience. I have written about leadership at the point of a bayonet, Dragon Lady and her zest for blood, and of course flat whites. I have told you to wear the white coat when you doubt yourself. In truth it seems this has been a series of last lectures (Salma Tejani would be so proud of me.)

When I started the blog I also wrote about my identity within the university and how it had been defined by the circumstances I had found there. Since last May, I have written about some of the challenges I have faced since moving to Australia. I have sought inspiration through those leaders who have inspired me. I have continued to ask myself "who do I want to be?" Honestly, most days I have spent thinking about how a 30 something could struggle with idenity as much as I have. Most days I feel too old to deal with this $#!+. I should not have had to uproot myself to a new country to find new challenges. But regardless, I did. I left a great job, a great team, a great community…and I am still not sure why. I am still debating this on a daily basis. I know that I want to continue to travel and I do not have an interest in living here (down under) forever. I started a job, only to walk away two weeks later (life is too short to watch people be treated like crap.) I realized I don't really have any hobbies, and that's ok. I have felt the pressure to be a parent and make my way through the land of confusion. I have used song lyrics to convey my true feelings. It's not been the best writing, but it was never meant to be. It was meant to be a glimpse into my random thoughts. It was meant to show my former students who seemed to think I had my stuff together that I struggle too.

So, to the students I have worked with in Aggieland- it is safe to say that you may continue to ask yourself am I who I want to be? I also think you should know that it is ok to be that 30 something one day and still be questioning your decisions. You should approach each day with the expectation that you will learn something new (even if it means you are learning how to drive on the other side of the car and the other side of the road.) You should know that adult life doesn't have to be boring and without adventures. You may be struggling currently- it's the end of the semester. It is time for finals. You may be questioning why am I doing this…just as I ask myself the same question each day.

Let your life never be boring. Always seek out new adventures. Always seek out opportunities to get out of your comfort zone. This is ultimately why I left. New adventures. I hope that one day, when I am much older and maybe a little wiser I will look back on this time in Australia and have an understanding of the impact it had on my life. For today, I will continue to ask myself am I who I want to be and I will be comfortable with the answer that I simply do not know. I am still seeking out an identity. Most of all, know that you are not expected to have all the answers in life or know exactly who you are going to be by the time you graduate. Developing your identity should be a life long process. There is no timeline. There are no steps. There is no manual for how to do it (although there are a few theories!) Always be WTF- wise, tenacious and fearless (Generation WTF.)

I am hoping that I am at the start of a new adventure with my work through EducationUSA. I am hoping that the State Department will suffice my desire to continue to serve my country while helping students achieve their educational goals. Maybe my identity has not changed all that much. I still want to pay it forward. I still want to make an impact. I still have hopes that I can continue to help those I left behind in Texas.

I committed to writing for one year. Dodge committed to "Dodge with a Blog" for a year but he got old and grew sick of writing. I am not sure that either of us will continue to write. But certainly if we find inspiration, you can expect to see something from us here.

Thanks for reading Counting Stars Down Under.

Whelan, Christine B. Generation WTF. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press, 2011. Print.

Land of Confusion

Too many men, too many people, making too many problems. And not much love to go round. Can't you see this is a land of confusion. 

Does anyone ever feel completely overwhelmed by the news in the world? It just seems that the positive is outweighed by the negative. Tonight we are sitting thinking about the victims of the Nepalese earthquake, the looming executions in Indonesia, and of course there are riots, human rights, war...perhaps not so very different than the last but much more well documented.

I have overwhelming urges to help out. Nepal for example needs doctors or engineers and I am neither. I can tweet about standing for mercy or love can't wait. It of course just adds to the clutter of the twitter verse. These problems seem so big. And I am so small.

Two songs resonated with me today. One was Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance) and the other was Land of Confusion (originally by Genesis and later redone by Disturbed- the one on my running track. For years I have done small things. I wanted to impact students in the hope that they would go on to become those who could do more. I wanted to connect with future generations through my daily actions. These songs were an inspiration to me to keep working everyday.

But today I had a different reaction. It was overwhelming. I have two sons. Some days I don't feel like a mother. I still feel too young and too immature. I am goofy. Probably not the best discipliner. Yes...I remember the show 30 Something. They seemed old and tired. I feel old and tired somedays, but then I throw my Converse on and feel like a 20 something again (and like I should jump on a plane and travel the world.) It occurred to me today though that I am no longer the only one who should be trying to change the world. Now I should be teaching the two wild boys to do the same. Perhaps this is how I will impact the world. Small things which hopefully contribute to a larger picture. It gives me a sense of hope.

This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given. Use them and let's start trying to make it a place worth living in. 

Wear the White Coat

Is confidence a learned or inherited trait? Are some people born with it? If you aren't born with it, how can you learn it? How can you build it? How can others help instill it?

These questions have been with me for years. In my previous life at the university, I had plenty of opportunities to both explore my own confidence (and sometimes the lack there of) as well as discuss with students and co-workers the importance confidence plays in every day life decisions. I have always reflected on a story I was told about medical students.

Often times, when medical students begin rounds they are seen as young and inexperienced because they do not carry the confidence of a seasoned doctor.  Perhaps you have had a medical student manage your appointment. Maybe you have thought "now where is the REAL doctor? " Many times, patients sense the lack of confidence the student has and determines that its time to speak with an actual doctor. If you do not feel the medical student conveys the confidence then you may not feel secure in their care.

And this is where my mantra comes from: "Wear the white coat." Simply stated, medical students must wear the white coat and carry the confidence that the white coat portrays even if it means faking it. The old cliche statement of "fake it until you make it" is certainly true for these students.

When you lack confidence in yourself, you must put the white coat on and act the part.

I have often times done this and have also advised my students to do it. Perhaps you are leading a group or guiding a project and are not fully confident in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. The key however is to put your white coat on and accept the responsibility which has been provided to you. Furthermore, you should carry the confidence that you have been trusted with from others. If placed into a position by others, they must believe you are able to accomplish the task. For medical students, this can be grounded in the fact that they have been admitted into medical school and have completed coursework, exams, etc. When my students were struggling with their studies and questioning whether they would be successful, I had them reflect on the day they received their admissions letter from the university. The letter was a vote of confidence that the admissions committee had in the student to succeed. The memory could be their white coat.

I recently came across an exempt in a book I am reading (1776). Specifically, the passage was spoken by George Washington. The first President of the USA. Certainly a man who was the "first" leader of the new states must have been confidence in his ability to lead. At least, in my mind it would seem that an individual who had been so successful in life must have been born with confidence. Perhaps he never doubted his decisions or questioned whether the struggles of leading were worth the stress. However, it is interesting to find out that he questioned himself and clearly stated before Congress that he did not believe himself a worthy leader for the task at hand. He stated:

I am truly sensible of the honor done me in this appointment, yet I feel great distress from a consciousness that my abilities and military experience may not be equal to the extensive and important trust. However, as the Congress desire it, I will enter upon the momentous duty, and exert every power I possess in their service and for the support of the glorious Cause. But lest some unlucky event should happen unfavorable to my reputation, I beg it may be remembered by every gentleman in the room that I this day with the utmost sincerity, I do not think myself equal to the command I am honored with. (pg 49). 

Washington put his "white coat" on. He took his confidence from the fact that Congress had faith in him to lead. This helped him fake it and then he made it. I think it is fascinating that even the best leaders have questioned themselves and their decisions.

In thinking about outstanding leaders and their own struggles, it gives me faith to know that they themselves were not always confidence in their own abilities. It seems to give me permission to also struggle with confidence. It also gives me hope that I can overcome my obstacles by wearing the white coat.

Excerpt from: McCullough, D. (2005). 1776. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Baking? Painting? Not So Much.

I was recently asked a question- "what are your hobbies?" 

This question seems pretty ordinary. What can it tell you about a person? How would you answer it? I think many people would say cooking, painting, writing, reading, running. To get know someone truly however, I believe we should ask "what are your true passions?"

Passion is a word I used a lot in my previous life at Texas A&M. I taught students to follow their passions; I encouraged them to stop believing everything they were told, stop doing what they are told by others blindly, and start thinking about their own passions and how this helps their identity development. Furthermore, I encouraged them to use their passions to guide their everyday decisions. 

So, when I was asked "what are your hobbies" I focused back on my passions. While retelling my story of my life to this individual I found that my passions have been carefully intertwined into my years. Perhaps I am not one with a hobby such as baking or painting, but my passions do drive my each and every decision.

Passion: History. I have the strength of context. I like to know where we have been in order to understand where we are going. I enjoy pondering the past and thinking about the ways it has influenced the present. Do I live in the past? No. Do I say "we have always done it this way." No. I simply use the past to make decisions about the future. 

Passion: Connecting. I have the strength of connectedness. I enjoy helping others connect with resources and experiences which can help them in life. This is essentially how I pay it forward. Introducing people to others because others have made introductions for me. Instigating relationships which can help individuals and organizations with achieving their goals. Supporting others connections so they can become successful in their endeavors. 

Passion: Leadership. I have the strength of maximizer. I enjoy helping others maximize their own strengths to become the best leaders they can be. Sadly, many people do not believe they are leaders in any capacity. However, I believe that everyone is a leader in their own right. Everyone has the opportunity to lead, regardless of style or characteristics. Regardless of title or position; regardless of circumstances which may control them. 

These passions together make up my hobbies. I read, study, research as much as I can. But it all comes down to what I can do to help this world be better. Perhaps I am not a baker. Or painter. And as much as I enjoy a good run, I would not say that running is a hobby. However, my passions are what drive me in my everyday life and decisions. 

Toes in the Sand

Yes, it's been awhile since I last blogged. Why this lapse in updates…pretty simple. It's summer break. Perhaps I don't seem like the "hang ten" kind of girl…but as soon the warm sun showed up I found myself heading to the beach or the pool. I had heard about the Melbourne summer. It seems most have forgotten that I grew up in Texas. In Melbourne, it may be hot for a few days only to find it will soon cool off. Quite different from the four or five months of ridiculous heat we lived through in Texas. On another note I have found it is nice to open the house up in the evenings to let fresh air in, something I was never really able to do in a Texas summer. When you have sons this is a plus.

When many people think about visiting Australia, I believe they think of two things first: 1. Sydney and 2. The Great Barrier Reef. So why should one consider visiting Melbourne while making a trip here, and better yet- why fly four more hours across the continent to visit Perth?

Let's start with Melbourne and what some may consider its charms. I find people are a little more snippy here. It is a large city after all and I suppose they have somewhere more important to be. No times for "hello" or "howyadoin?" But when you are walking through the CBD and visiting the cafes and walking the lane ways, you feel as though you are in Europe. So you might as well act the part and sit and have your coffee. They take their cafes and coffee seriously here. And I am fine with this concept. Melbourne also has beaches (shocker for you that only want to visit Sydney). Furthermore, Melbourne has the Great Ocean Road with the 12 Apostles (or maybe 9 now.) If you aren't familiar with it, google it. Outstanding views, nice beaches, a few rain forests and just enough car sickness on the very windy road to keep things interesting. Also within driving range is Phillip Island. Phillip Island is known for many sites, but our favorite is the penguin parade. Imagine the little penguins (literally the smallest penguins on earth) waddling up on the beach waiting for their friends to come in from the sea as well. Picture a subway. They all wait together, board their little "train" and then wonder up the dunes making stops along the way to drop their buddies off at homes. All happening while the babies wonder out of the nest and cry for their mom or dad and await their pending arrival.

Melbourne is a nice place.

Now, let's talk about Perth. I will try my best not to make Melbournians upset. Perth is simply one of my favorite places to visit in Australia to date. While Melbourne has Phillip Island and the Little Penguins, Perth has Rottnest Island and the Quokkas. A tough competition for which little animal I might love more. Rottnest Island essentially is an island stuck in the past. No cars (a few transport buses), no hotels (just cabins to rent) and only bikes to rent to get around (or you can actually use your feet). It makes you take a deep breath and step back into time. And what better way to relax than to get away from the hustle of the city? The beaches in Perth are pristine and yes there are shark sitings but I always felt safer in Perth due to the helicopters searching the coast line for sharks. They take the business seriously and it made me more confident to wonder into the wonderfully blue waters of the Indian Ocean. Perth is slower. More spread out a bit than Melbourne. People seem to take a little more time and perhaps that is why I love it. It just feels more like Texas (minus the Galveston beaches.) If you need a few other things to entice you, you can also visit the Freemantle Prison and the Shipwreck Gallery. Luckily, Google can give you much more information about these places.

So, if you are considering making a visit to Australia, and I hope to see some of you soon, consider Melbourne but also beautiful Perth.

Yes, Sydney is wonderful (and their train system tops Melbourne's any day). Queensland is a wonderful site as well. But don't forget Victoria and Western Australia.

Leadership at the Point of a Bayonet

I am not sure if anyone is actually reading this blog and if they are if they are taking anything away from it. I wanted to share what I have learned about leadership even though what I have to say might not be very interesting.

Just before I left Texas, I wrote my thoughts on leadership and what I had learned over the past few years. Many people know how much respect I have for a man by the name of Richard Winters. Some may recognize his name from the HBO show called "Band of Brothers"; others may have heard his name if discussing leadership with me. He developed leadership principles which he called "Leadership at the Point of a Bayonet" which really resonates with me. After my work experience here in Australia,  I thought it would be time to revisit Winters' principles as well as my thoughts on them from when I was still at Texas A&M. This was addressed to the team of staff I was leaving behind.

Leadership at the Point of a Bayonet 

1.     Strive to be a leader of character, competence, and courage.

Regarding character, I feel that I am pretty sound in this now but I certainly had to work on this over the years. Just like the students we work with every day, when I arrived in this office I was still asking myself “what do I want to be when I grow up?” “What are my life goals?” “Who am I, and who am I going to be?” What I learned within the first year of working with the Regents’ Scholars Program helped me start to solidify my character. I am guided by my core values and my belief system. I am guided every day to get up and come to work because I want to make a difference in the lives of students. I never considered myself to be good at anything in particular. But when I came here and was able to tie these beliefs with a career, I feel that I was able to define my character and who I wanted to be.

Competence was to follow my character development. Again, I never felt good at anything I had done. But as I grew in my identity and learned more about retention and student development. I had the knowledge and just had to put it to work. I spent countless hours in committee meetings where people with many more degrees than me discussed theory. I had no need to discuss the theory- what should be and what the research shows. I was LIVING it. I had anecdotal stories to solidify the qualitative data. Soon people started asking my opinion on things. I gave it. This was a sign that someone thought I was competent.

What I had to really work on however was courage. During the early days of my employment within this office we started the Regents’ Scholars Coordination Committee. I was incredibly timid about the situation. I was incredibly intimidated about the situation. I was facing my own personal giants. And the only way I knew to deal with them was to focus on my beliefs and what I knew in my heart was the right thing. I had one quote that would get me through the days- and it is from a song by Casting Crowns and it states: “Oh what I would to do have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant, with just a sling and a stone. Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor, wishing they’d have had the strength to stand. But the giant’s calling out my name and he laughs at me, reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me time and time again, boy you’ll never win. You’ll never win. But the voice of truth, tells me a different story. The voice of truth says do not be afraid. And the voice of truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”  Everyone faces giants in their own way, and each of us has to find the courage to face those giants. I faced mine by focusing on my beliefs- I truly believed that I would be able to make the difference in the lives of individuals if I continued to work hard. This is where my courage came from and over the years it has been made stronger by those who continued to entrust me to work with the students.

2.     Lead from the front. Say, “Follow me!” and then lead the way.

I learned this concept through trial and error- and not by my own but by observing others. I believe that every moment is a learning opportunity- sometimes you learn what you like and sometimes you learn what you don’t like. I had work for a boss who did not “lead from the front.” She was not in the trenches with us, and she did not say “follow me.” Fast forward to SFAID where I had the privilege to work for Joe and Delisa. BOTH lead from the front. BOTH told me to “follow me.” Delisa specifically did this through the RSSC. She did not leave me alone to deal with the politics, but stepped in and lead the way. Joe always had my back to. When he was around I felt like I could not do wrong because I knew that he believed in me. I tried to model these two individuals every day in leading my students and eventually my staff and team.  I always say that I would follow General Rudder and Dr. Gates off a cliff if they instructed me to. I would trust them (even though I never met Rudder) and follow them anywhere. I feel the same with Joe and Delisa. When you are leading, I also have learned that you will fail and you must learn to be humble when you do so. You will have critics when you are a leader. You will not make everyone happy. You will not be everyone’s friends. Learn from the experience and know that the pain will not last. The quote that inspired me to mimic this concept is from Franklin D Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

3.     Stay in top physical shape - physical stamina is the root of mental toughness. Not much to say here. Get exercise. Go for a walk. 

4.     Develop your team. If you know your people, are fair in setting realistic goals and expectations, and lead by example, you will develop teamwork.

This one I truly take to heart. I have tried my best to hire hard and manage easy. When we have hired staff on the team, I have tried to invest time in them to get them trained and developed, and then I set goals and expectations and make clear that I expect them to manage their tasks and responsibilities. I was never here to babysit staff (I do lack empathy when it comes to projects), but rather ensure that as a team we are achieving the larger goal of which they are play a part. Trust is key. If you lose trust in an employee, they begin to feel alienated. Alienated employees become disgruntled and un-invested and then typically leave. I have learned that if I set realistic goals and expectations, the teamwork follows naturally. This hopefully helps people from feeling alienated and keeps everyone moving forward together. 

5.     Delegate responsibility to your subordinates and let them do their job. You can’t do a good job if you don’t have a chance to use your imagination and creativity.

Sometimes I feel like I delegate too much. But honestly this is what helps to motivate staff I believe (I trust them so I delegate) and we actually get to work together more than if I did not delegate. Also, I find that with staff and with students if you take a calculated risk and delegate the work, they often times come back with a much more creative solution than I ever would have thought. I recognize my strengths and my weaknesses and realize that some of the staff I work with are much better at certain tasks than I am. I tell them this when I delegate and I feel it gives them confidence. 

6.     Anticipate problems and prepare to overcome obstacles. Don’t wait until you get to the top of the ridge and then make up your mind.

I strongly dislike procrastination and I strongly dislike feeling as though a process is spiraling out of control. I most like it when I can think about possible obstacles and make decisions on how I would react in certain situations if they did arise. I have tried my best to implement this with the team. This is mostly done through discussion and I believe it actually allows the team members to feel that they play a larger role than they originally perceived. If you engage team members in the discussion of anticipated problems and potential solutions in advance, it helps them feel more in control, helps them feel better if things don’t go as planned, and helps them work well together. 

7.     Remain humble. Don’t worry about who receives the credit. Never let power or authority go to your head.

This I really learned from Delisa and Joe. They were quick to give credit where credit was due. I am not big on receiving credit myself, but I did appreciate the private conversations and notes directed towards me and my work. This meant the most to me.

8.     Take a moment of self-reflection. Look at yourself in the mirror every night and ask yourself if you did your best.

I always have this dialogue with myself as I would think most leaders do. I never want to be the one who thinks I am always perfect in a role, or who has no room for improvement. I recognize that each day when I ask myself this question, sometimes the answer was no. There were days that I left here thinking I did not work and do my best for the staff today. But, I would learn from those mistakes or educational moments and then be able to attack the next day with a new attitude.

9.     True satisfaction comes from getting the job done. They key to a successful leader is to earn respect - not because of rank or position, but because you are a leader of character.

Everyone on this team should feel as though they are contributors to the larger picture. I have tried to not demand respect, but work very hard to earn it. Sometimes I had to make tough decisions or unpopular decisions, but I always felt at the end of the day that you all supported me. It is through your trust that I found my strength as a leader. 

10.  Hang Tough! - Never, ever, give up.

I hope that each one of you takes this to heart. Change is always hard and this team has been through a lot in the past few years. I believe however, that I am leaving behind the best group of people this office could ask for in a scholarship team. Each one of you has your own strengths and you all compliment each other so well. Delisa often told me what a good job I was doing, and I just kept telling her that I was just the one riding the bike, but that you all were the ones making the wheels go around. I truly believe this. I value each of you and I hope that you all know that you play a very important role in the success of the scholarship team.

This is Your Life- Part 2

It was a day very similar to my last day at Texas A&M. I wore the same outfit. It was cold and rainy again. The rain on my last day at A&M matched my mood. I was sad to be leaving my family of students and staff, a job I loved, and a supervisor I would follow anywhere. Today's rain was not the same. It was a cleansing rain as I left Deakin this afternoon. Perhaps for the last time unless I find another job at that same campus.

Yes, you read that correctly. I left Deakin after only two weeks of employment. There were several reasons why I left, but most would just bore you. What I can tell you is that the job simply was not for me. I learned a lot about myself over the two weeks. I know now that I need high expectations from a supervisor. I need to be challenged to the pushing point. I cannot work under laissez faire conditions. I need to be in a position where I can develop people, students and/or staff. I need to be able to teach, guide, train, mentor, facilitate learning, and engage people. So, as I stated the position was not for me. I will allow you to read between the lines.

Back in April I wrote a blog titled "This is Your life." This is the second part of that blog. As I got into my car to head home today, the song was on. As I stressed out about this time and how it would look on my resume, I freaked out. And then the lyrics hit me:

Yesterday is just a wrinkle on your forehead.

Simply stated and yet so true. Our days are numbered and I have chosen to already search for the next adventure. I don't want yesterday to be a wrinkle, but memories, proud moments, and happiness. And so, off I go again on a job hunt.

I don't want to disappoint any of you. I don't want you to think I am a quitter. I want you to think of me as a fighter who is still searching for my next step.

This is your life  Are you who you want to be?