1992 Thanksgiving Parade Part 1

Earlier this year, Adult Swim finally managed to put together a good live-action show in Joe Pera Talks with You. I bring up the series because in one episode Joe goes on his annual fall drive after Halloween to send his Jack o'Lantern downstream before returning home to eat warm apples and regrow his soul. Yes it's about as weird as it sounds but at the same time is delightful and more than a bit meaningful for those of us who put our all into holiday celebration. Since Halloween ended I've had little chance for a good regrowth. Lucky for me I had something stashed away in case of emergency. You all better remember this framing device cause it's gonna be a while before we come back to it.

Last year, in a display of free VHS tapes, I came across an old Kodak tape with the title, 1992 Thanksgiving Parade. The other night I finally settled in with some family members and a plate full of new Cheeseburger pizza rolls, and had the time of my life. Now it's time to spread the joy to you all out there. Get comfy cause this one's gonna require at least two posts to get through. Also prepare for off-screen photos as I currently lack the technology to digitize this treasure, though I'm totally asking Santa for it.

The parade in question is in fact the 66^th annual Michigan Thanksgiving Parade, or as it's sometimes called, America's Parade. Despite spending my entire life in the mitten I'm only slightly familiar with this event. In my defense most Lansing affiliates witch over to national feeds for the likes of Macy's. Like its competition this features the usual assortment of marching bands, novelty acts, musical numbers, and balloons, though as you'll soon find see, everything is a little left of center.

Let's start with some of the personalities peppered throughout this event. First up is Mort Crim, who aside from having a name badass enough to be an 80s cartoon villain apparently served as the inspiration for Ron Burgundy. This guy has worked multiple news outlets, penned novels, flown around the world, I think fighting a dragon was listed as one of his accomplishments. He's got that classic air of professionalism that leaves no doubt he spikes his morning coffee. Next to Mort we have Carmen Harlan, who spent decades working Detroit news, retiring only a couple years ago followed bu plans to launch a fashion line.

Their man on the street is Chuck Gaidica, another long-time newscaster from the region who provides much of the uncomfortable comedy during the broadcast. Along for the ride are two girls who won a competition to be junior reporters for the day. My distaste for Facebook is well-known but if anyone happens across Sarah Garlak or Erika Quinn please point them in this direction. Anyways these poor girls are stuck with Chuck who by modern standards might be considered a bit touchy. Not saying he's a pervert or anything, though he did write two books about cuddles, just putting that out there.

Not unlike other major parades the first hour of this broadcast is mostly filler material. There's a full spectrum of behind-the-scenes puff pieces, a bit about mounted police, Chuck leading young girls around Detroit. Not much of anything spectacular in this part aside from looks at outdated technology and fashion. Everyone involved in this production is at a constant risk of tripping over a cord. The real discovery here is that this bad boy has all the ad breaks as god-intended. A lot of this stuff is regional which for a flock of Michigan folk was a blast from the past. We''l slice these in as we go along starting with TJ Maxx, not because of any nostalgia but to share this picture of two models to drive home the point that this is 1992. Marching bands are playing music from Hook and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, it's a different time alright.

After nearly a full hour of preamble and a tacky musical number, the parade was on at last. And what better way to march in America's third or fourth favorite holiday than policemen with phallic flags and Thomas the Tank Engine's terrifying twin who works for the U.S. Postal service. Let this serve as an early warning that a fair bit of this event serves as nightmare fuel, especially for those scared of clowns. Those jolly monsters weave between every float and under every balloon. Detroit must have been infested with clowns long before the insane rapping variety hit the scene.

Ad Break! One of my favorite spots of the entire show was all about rediscovering downtown Davison, a little burg just east of Flint. We're talking about some pure small-town nonsense with our couple doing their holiday shopping at a pharmacy and seemingly signing an insurance policy. Nothing says happy holidays like accidental-death coverage which the pair salute with a thumbs up.

Another common theme of this event are disarmingly straightforward balloons. You won't find the star power of Garfield or Snoopy, but you will stare in awe at Puppy. Yes, the one and only Puppy. Maybe too much of a deep cut? Further balloons stick to generic characters but the best part of their contribution is just getting started. See how Puppy is veering off to the side? The main staging area for this broadcast had some classic Michigan wind which routinely sent balloons spiraling out of control as clowns struggle to wrangle them. This phenomenon will come to a head later on but not before Captain Detroit and Fopa the elf are dragged kicking and screaming down the streets of Detroit.

Time for another ad break, this time featuring Value City's Moonlight Madness sale. Some of these stores still exist in the stretch between Chicago and Toledo though the Lansing outlet listed here is long gone. That old Lansing branch was a dark and dingy place created solely to inspire the worst purchases possible. This was a store with a bin of unwanted and unknown video games that somehow managed to be severely under-stocked. Think of it as a dangerously low ball pit full of broken dreams. This is the same store where my family once purchased a Christmas tree train that was guaranteed to derail on every turn. There was much weeping in Santa's village that year.

Our next specimen might require you to enlarge the photo. Marching alongside the Red Thistle Pipes & Drum was a mysterious giant-headed clown who would prove to be first in a line of similar creatures. Apparently these big paper-mache heads are a hallmark of this event with some of them resembling celebrities but all offering a glimpse into the darkest recesses of the human mind.

Sometimes life give us a perfect shinning moment of joy such as when this broadcast temporally transformed into a low-budget rendition of Cloverfield. Meet Methany the dinosaur. Perhaps aching out of the need to prove herself more than a derpy gas-filled novelty with a pun name, she breaks free of her restraints to wreck havoc upon her clown handlers and Chuck “cuddles” Gaidica. Whether it's the shaky camerawork or Gaidica's apparent fear at potentially being crushed by an inflatable T-Rex this moment is pure gold. If ever an image begged to be immortalized on the ceiling of a great chapel, this is it.

Let's go to another clump of ads and talk about this classy piece from Meijer. As a camera pans up a large forest tree rigged with lights, a calm old narrator speaks of how many stores have enough selection fit under most trees, but at Meijer they've got enough to fill a whole lot more. Cue the rest of the forest lighting up bit by bit with the spread of joyful holiday materialism. This is all done to a slow take on O Christmas Tree. Holy fuck is this one ever good. It walks that fine line of encouraging the audience to shop without ever tossing numbers or products in our face.

Also courtesy of Meijer was a pair of Toy City commercials. While it's not so much the case now, the toy department in Meijer stores used to be enormous with a whopping game video game aisle to boot. Toy City wasn't far off as descriptions go, and the ads associated with it during this parade bring back the warm and fuzzes. They're themed in a sort of art-deco metropolitan design that was marketable to kids thanks to movies like Batman, Dick Tracy, and The Rocketeer. In each one a newsboy shouts out the great deals to be found such as Sonic 2. As far as big ticket items for the season, this one was a juggernaut. Any kid who already had a Genesis, or was considering conversation, looked at this as an almost religious event, and the sales were crazy. Even today it's hard to come across a Genesis without a copy of this nearby.

Back to the show we have another bizarre float, this time featuring the tortoise and the hair. I'll be straight up with you guys, the tortoise isn't all the special. He exists in that generic space of things designed with kids in mind that manages to mix both cute and repugnant together. His big-eared friend on the other hand seems to be the result of a bet to see who could scare the most children. The sheer madness of this thing is further intensified by the cameramen who gets right up close and tilt to provide that perfect kaiju movie vibe.

You'd think the organizers would provide a nice break from the terror you'd be wrong. Not far behind the evil bunny is a K-Mart clown balloon. That's right, these suckers have gone airborne. The visual of this thing surrounded by a group of normal clowns comes across like a species of insect carrying their queen to safety. I think that's the best image to close out this first installment. Gonna try and pick this up again either Thanksgiving night or or perhaps Black Friday. There's still a lot of ground to cover so keep your fingers crossed. For now I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving. Indulge your gluttonous nature, check out a bad movie or two, but most of all relax. You'll need your strength for the second installment of this parade.

Lupinranger vs Patrangers Episodes 34-39

Lately I’ve been more home-bound than normal thanks to school and a significant lack of finances. While that means I haven’t gotten out for many seasonal adventures or snack-food hunts it has allowed me to catch up on some chores and entertainment. That being the case we’re left with little choice but to continue our Sentai catch-up with further adventures of Lupinranger vs Patranger. Let's get to it.

Episode 34 walks a fine line between introducing a new toy and providing some dramatic character moments. It begins with the police busy themselves with a Gangler obsessed with collecting firearms. Notably absent from this fight is Noel who we soon learn has been caught in an old trap set by Arsene Lupin himself to guard a special collection piece.

Good-Striker informs the Lupinrangers of the situation which leads them into a cavern full of dangers which they navigate with little issue. They discover Noel passed out in front of the treasure itself, a vastly overpowered gun called Lupin Magnum. This trap locks each thief into a fantasy realm where they must kill their most adored person to obtain the gun. These visions actively encourage people to shoot them yet the emotional strain of aiming at a best friend or lover is simply too much for most people. Kairi however finds his resolve and kills his imaginary brother, vowing to continue as he sees fit.

This one's a bit of a mixed bag with some fine drama, but there's little in the way of plot development. We still don't know who Noel lost, and Lupin Magnum, while cool, is just another gadget for flashy action.

Episode 35 proves to be entertaining though a little problematic. The story is that Kogure is blasted by a Gangler that splits people in three. One being is all good, the other all bad, and the original is just leftovers. If all three parts aren't put back-together within six hours the person dies.

Not a ton to comment on here. There's a very creative giant robot fight thanks to Lupin Magnum and a series of tunnels. There's also some fun to be had with the good and bad Kogure. Beyond that we learn a little of what the butler does to track down jobs for the thieves and how he feels remorse for constantly sending these kids into danger. That last part is where things get troublesome. For the majority of the series we've seen hints that Kogure is up to something potentially dangerous or sinister, and now the only story focused on him acts as if these moments don't exist. Perhaps my outlook on this adventure will change once we finally learn what has been going on behind the scenes. Until then, it's just alright.

Episode 36 shifts attention back to the cops as they deal with one of the nastier Gangler's to appear in quite a while. On his own shoots spikes that increase a persons likelihood of screwing up, an ability he uses to great effect on Sakuya. This same baddie also has a piece of the collection that grants him extra intelligence resulting in a plan to blow up the city. He accomplishes this by using his human disguise to hand out stress-relieving necklaces that collect anger to power the bomb. Guy seriously lucks out when Sakuya gives one of these to Keiichiro.

For a green ranger adventure this one is pretty solid, giving everybody something to do. Kei's angry outbursts are terrific and Sakuya actually does something pretty cool near the end. I especially enjoyed the rile-reversal when Tsukasa attempts to protect the Gangler from the Lupinrangers so she can get him to reveal the bomb's location. Her plan is pretty ingenious in how it uses the monsters' abilities against him.

Even with my general enjoyment during this outing there were a few moments that felt off. Consider Tsukasa's attempt to keep the Gangler alive. Instead of asking the thieves for help she fights both parties at once and is then surprised when they help her out. There are further odd occurrences such as people being mean to Umika for no reason, and Sakuya himself being extra needy. I looked it up and this is from the same writer as the clip-show and gender-swap episode. Clearly someone who values, goofy fun over consistent characterization.

You may have noticed a trend of uneven stories within this recap. Luckily episode 37 does an excellent job of giving both teams plenty of screen-time along with a proper balance of action, comedy, and the deeper stuff. The monster of the week presents a unique problem as he can blast people back into their homes, which removes nearly all of our heroes from battle. Unaffected by this attack is Kairi, seemingly because he doesn't consider the bistro, or anywhere for that fact, to be home. Touma is troubled by this revelation, not to mention a bit disappointed his friend thinks so little of them. Getting the collection piece and taking out the Gangler takes precedence over feelings though.

Both teams independently come up with the same idea to combat this enemy, by camping out and then keeping the tent strapped to their back in battle. Unfortunately Touma and Umika end up at the same camping spot as Keiichiro, which would out their hidden identities should they charge into battle with their camping gear. To protect their secret, they claim to have been in a fight with Kairi which leads to Kei camping out at the bistro out of concern for his young friend. As you might imagine, Kairi doesn't care for this intrusion.

While the Patrangers take care of most of the final ground battle, everyone unites for the giant robot portion, Kairi's excuse being that he wants to get this over to keep Kei out of his hair. Once again the day is saved, with Kei resolving to watch out for his young friend, Touma feeling concerned, and Sakuya sad at the missed opportunity to camp with Umika.

A good share of those emotions carry on in the following adventure. Kei is still trying and failing to be buddies, and everyone's sort of on edge. This allows to the show to cover the persistent gap between between the three primary Patrangers and Noel. The original trio are heading to a secret meeting when they encounter two Ganglers with some oddball powers like remote controlling vehicles. Lucky for them Zamigo reappears after a massive hiatus and takes one of the monsters out. Don't worry, they cover how this doesn't destroy a collection piece later on.

Anyhow there's an extra spiffy collection piece in outer space that's about to reenter the atmosphere near the mountains. Team Lupinranger is on the case with Noel handling ground operations until he's ambushed by Destra. The ensuing fight is quite nasty and along with a part of the following episode it would seem the creators are setting up a rivalry between these two.

Team Patranger arrive to rescue Noel, noting that they have to since he's a human being, but there's some unspoken feelings in there and finally a sense of unity among the four. From then on out it's all action and new toy introductions, making for a decent installment that once again gives everybody something to do.

Finally we reach episode 39. Keiri and Kei are still having issues, and likely inspiring plenty of shipping article, while Noel learns about Zamigo for the first time. Yeah,that's right, they've never interacted, and as Kairi ponders later in the episode, which monster took out Noel's treasured person?

Anyway that Gangler who we though Zamigo had destroyed is back. Turns out the icy guys power is to teleport people with his ice bullets. Guess he's running some sort of prison dimension, or an island where he hunts people for sport, who knows. At first Touma wants to withhold info on Zamigo from Noel until Umika, with some unwitting advice from Sakuya convinces him otherwise. All three decide that is is likely their loved ones will be freed once the evil icy cowboy is wiped out. While these threads are going on, Kairi tails a Gangler to its hideout and meats Zamigo face to face.

During this battle, Lupin Red gets another nifty toy that grants him with armor and the ability to foresee his opponents maneuvers. He almost defeats his opponent but instead he has to make due with yet another robo combination against the regular monster. Once again this is an outing that gives the characters plenty to do, which is nice to see as we move closer to the end game.

As you can see the show was hitting an uneven stride within the 30s but is digging it's way out and offering a better balance of the different elements that make it worthwhile viewing. Sadly the writers are still playing coy with major plot details which I can only imagine will damage the show in the end. There's still no concrete villainous scheme, no clue what the Lupin family is really up, who Noel's special person was, nothing. Instead we have further set-ups for rivalries and what seem to be hints that Kairi will either strike out on his own or turn temporary villain as his emotions have been getting the better of him.

Much as those hinted developments intrigue me, I can't help but feel the show should be in a much different place by now. Imagine if the Lupinrangers were on the run after having their identities exposed, or perhaps the two teams could be struggling to integrate with the knowledge of a larger threat approaching. There's so much to cover and very little time to savor the outcomes when things finally happen. I still love this show and these heroes yet I can't help but think the slow pace is going to limit the series to only being really good when it easily could have been fantastic. I suppose we'll find out soon enough as the 40s start this weekend.

Now that we're caught up on Sentai, be on the lookout for something different very soon. No way am I gonna let Thanksgiving pass by without covering a few seasonal topics. Till then you all stay classy.

Lupinranger vs Patranger: Episodes 30-33

It seems like an eternity since we last talked about Super Sentai. I had hopped to fit a recap right in the center of Halloween season but obviously that didn’t happen. For those of you who’ve been waiting so patiently, you’ll be happy to know catching up a priority one for the month.

When we left off, the show had been in something of a holding pattern of stand-alone adventures with further hints towards the larger narrative. In a fair shift from that previous batch these next adventures involve a lot of Patranger antics, some nice developments, though a few issues still plague the overall narrative. One element that has undergone profound improvement is the character of Noel. He's officially ditched a large portion of his more annoying antics and become a more shrewd and interesting fellow with the actor giving a better performance all-around.

Episode 30 returns us to the rivalry between our pair of red rangers when Keichiro goes on vacation. If that last part sounds completely out of character, you're right. The police have a special mission in mind and don't trust Noel with the truth leading him to send Kairi on pretend vacation to keep an eye on the situation.

Upon reaching their destination, Kairi “bumps into” his target and weasels his way into a day of activities. Intitally the boys actually have some fun with fair games and lunch. That is until they come across a lost little girl who is also missing her favorite charm. After taking her to the nearest police station each goes in search of the lost charm. Kairi happens upon a stall selling the exact same item which he buys as a replacement. Before he can deliver this gift, Keichiro runs past with the real deal in hand. This brings up memories of Kairi’s brother along with a lot of emotional hang-ups and self-loathing.

Kei does his best to cheer up his vacation buddy before having to leave on business matters. The reason he came out here was to work out a deal with the same shady antique sellers from episode 26. When they try to hustle him he turns into a total boss and kicks their asses in order to get the newest treasure, which Kairi then sweeps in to steal.

Back in Tokyo, the remaining rangers are dealing with a monster that sprays clouds of stink gas which is mostly played for laughs until the gas is revealed to be flammable. This emergency cause Kei to give the red thief this new fire-truck robot and commands him to run off and stop the Gangler. When all is said and done another crisis has been averted while Kairi deals with the complicated relationship with his rival.

This was a decent episode that suffered from a tone that was all over the map. One minute it’s maudlin, while the next is packed with what are essentially fart jokes. Refining the script to stick more with the two red rangers would have helped drastically.

Next we switch focus to Tsukasa in what is easily her highlight for the series thus far. It's a pretty classic trope for the franchise, a monster turns himself in for protective custody claiming knowledge of Gauche's experiments. Many stories of potentially good monsters have been told over the years usually with one of two outcomes. One is they truly are good and prove themselves by fighting their own kind, or they're manipulating the heroes trusting nature.

As this Gangler stays in protective custody, Tsukasa continues to bond with him. Noel clearly has suspicions about the critter yet he refuses to share his theories with his pink-clad partner. Given her lack of trust towards the fair-weather cop, the pair continue to clash on the issue as she grows closer to the monster despite Noel’s warnings not to.

Noel makes it so the Gangler will be transported to France, which bothers Tsukasa greatly. During the transport the group are attacked by Gauche’s minions and split in multiple directions. Yoshi, the good Gangler decides to give his treasure to Tsukasa only to immedietely suffer from a total change in personality. Part of the experiment being proformed on Yoshi involved this treasure’s ability to reverse good and bad nature. The only reason he was so nice is because he’s actually a total bastard.

After Tsukasa unleashes her fury and destroys Yoshi, a new threat emerges. Gauche has created a Gangler with multiple safes, one of which contains a collection piece that weakens all others, even canceling Good Striker’s abilities. Within minutes the cops are on the ropes and the audience is left hanging.

My only rreal issue with this one is that since the next storyline kicks in immediately following Yoshi’s death there is no emotional fallout from these events. We hardly see the pink ranger this emotional and open. Finding out the truth about her new friend and how Noel only wanted to protect her should have made for a great ending. Shame it all went straight into the next action scequence.

picking up exactly where we left off, episode 32 returns with both teams getting creamed. Not only is Goody unable to keep their robots together, the thieves have to find a way to open all five safes at once.

Noel proposes that both sides work together as they did when facing Lymon back in Ep 25. Kei is totally against the idea, and here is where the show makes great strides in covering an often forgotten topic. The cops are constantly talking about how the Lupinranger are criminals without any details as to how. The argument here is that by prolonging the lifespan of Gangler’s in order to steal their treasure the Lupinranger are aiding and abetting. While not wrong in his belief one could just as well point out that the thieves wouldn’t have such a difficult time taking these treasures if not for police interference.

Finding no way to agree on the matter, Noel challenges kei to a duel. If Noel wins, both teams must work together to handle this threat. If the red ranger wins then he gets to learn the identity of the three Lupinranger.

As those two battle, everyone else is busy trying to keep this new baddy in check. They nearly fail before their friends return with the decision to work together. This results in one crazy flashy fight scene with Keichiro handling himself perfectly in the company of thieves. It all comes to a close with a massive display of multiple finishing moves at once.

We flash back to the duel in the cave to find out how things really went down. During the battle, Noel let’s it slip that his team is fighting to restore lost loved ones. This throws Kei off-balance as he thinks back to Lupin Red claiming to have no choice towards his criminal behavior. Patren Red throws the fight, and Neol knows it, creating a deeper understanding between the two men. Very solid episode, with only a lack of good content for the other characters holding it back.

Finally we have a little levity to help recover from all the recent drama. Right at the start of episode 33 we find the Lupinrangers dealing with the monster of the week only to find that his regular power is turning people into children, which he quickly uses against them. Mercifully for we the viewers our trio maintains their level of mental maturity while stuck in younger bodies. Their wits must be put to full use to recover a transformation device from the Patranger.

Honestly don’t have much to say about this one. It’s got some decent humor and comes up with an interesting way for both teams to interact. The child performers aren’t all that bad either. At the same time there’s nothing to push the plot or characters further, which wouldn’t seem as awful if not for the poor timing of this outing.

Consider that at this point in the show there is, at max, 20 episodes left. We still don’t know any of the villains master plans, both Noel and Kogure have maintained their dark secrets, and the Lupinranger are still hiding their identities from the other team. Let’s not forget that Zamigo hasn’t been seen in months. There’s an absurd amount of ground to cover, and stories like this one don’t help matters.

That’s been the growing issue with this series. For all the talent visible in-front and behind the camera the show has been stuck doing largely one-off adventures for close to ten episodes in a row. Without any major changes before the thirties are over, this show could be left struggling to wrap up the core plot.

All of that is a topic for another day however. Currently I’m just glad to start catching up with this fun show. It’s been tough to sneak in blog time lately, though it looks like the next week and a half or so should allow me to sneak in a few updates. Keep an eye out for further Sentai recaps and some seasonal items coming soon.

Tales from the Darkside: Trick or Treat.

With the last days of the season in full swing it's finally time to end our rundown of Tales from the Darkside Halloween episodes. This time we wind the clock all the way back to October 29^th 1983, nearly a full year before the show started running regular weekly tales. I've never found a proper write-up of how this pilot episode first aired. If it was a special on broadcast TV, played randomly in syndication, or given to a paid channel like HBO. Whatever the origin, Trick or Treat is a tremendous half-hour of television that set the stage for the series to come while providing one of the best Halloween specials to ever hit the airwaves.

The series came out swinging in regards to talent as this episode is Co-written by horror heavyweight George Romero, and directed by actor Bob Balaban, who may not ne known as a scary guy but he actually directed the fantastic cannibalism flick, Parents and the cult comedy, My Boyfriend's Back. Barnard Hughes, better known as Grandpa from The Lost Boys stars as the Scrooge-like main character, and there's even a small part for Max Wright, the dad from Alf. Would you believe there's also an audio cameo by Tim Curry? The producers aimed to make a good impression with this one.

The story begins with small town businessman Gideon Hackles working late at night with his bankers. The old man stresses how he's always fare, never cheats, but gets every penny he's owed, a statement showcased by charging for every cup of coffee the men drink. We learn a great deal about Gideon in this opening scene. He won't hire clerks for his store as he doesn't trust people, the entire town is up to their eyeballs in debt to him, and most importantly of all as the clock strikes midnight we learn it's his favorite day of the year, Halloween.

Hackles has put together a twisted tradition over the years. He hides all the IOU papers from the townsfolk within his home and invites children to visit his haunted house in search of them. Any child that finds the papers frees their family of crushing debt, a feat none have accomplished so far. One father is certain his son will finally overcome the challenge boasting “I've toughened him up with me strap.” That's the kind of environment Gideon has fostered over the years, he even threatens to take the home of one family that refuses to participate, though their son has other plans.

Upon returning home, the wicked businessman hides the stack of papers in the chimney and sets to work preparing his haunted house. This thing is no joke, he's piratically transformed his home into a massive puppet with pulleys and wires activating all manner of objects and a crude PA system that allows him to taunt the kids.

The first child of the night soon arrives, a little girls dressed as a witch. She does an admirable job of facing Hackles twisted home until he frightens he away with some sort of crude ghost. He laughs as she flees in terror and mocks her mothers attempts to sooth her noting that “the people of this valley are backwards.”

The old man continues frightening children until one very special little devil is at his door. It's the boy who's been on the receiving end of a belt for god knows how long as training for this moment. He too makes a valiant effort even as Gideon misleads him about the location of the papers, so much for not being a cheat. At last he is scared away by a moving taxidermy bear. Once the boy runs off in horror we get one of my favorite moments as his father embraces him. You can see the guilt on his face over what he's done to his own child for the sake of money.

Preparing for yet another round, Gideon finds his traps going haywire until receives a rather unexpected guest, an adult dressed as a witch, or at least that's what he thinks until she starts flying around his home and cackling like a true bride of Satan. Soon enough his entire home is a supernatural hot-spot as a zombie pirate raids his safe, and devils taunt him from what appears to be a tunnel to hell.

At last the boy whose family wanted nothing to do with this crude tradition arrives at the door dressed as a pirate only to be greeted by the witch who flies away leaving behind plentiful riches and no sign of Gideon Hackles, save for one that I don't wish to spoil that is.

Trick or Treat ranks as possibly my personal favorite Halloween special of all-time. The story, similar to Halloween Candy praises the power of a holiday and how it can lash out at those who abuse it. Above all the production is just fantastic with possibly the best classic style witch to ever hit the airwaves. There's more than enough drama, atmosphere, and fright to make this one turn on every year. This is no exaggeration. If you think of yourself as a nostalgia TV junkie then this deserves to be on the top shelf alongside classic Treehouse of Horror entries and Garfield's Halloween Adventure.

As with the previous two episodes I think it best if we pair our viewing with a treat. I could have gone with something new like Burger King's Black Fanta slushie but a true classic deserves to be paired with another classic. That's why we're going with Halloween Oreo.

Not many people bother to talk about these as they seem so antiquated next to the steady stream of bizarre new Oreo flavors, but just consider what Halloween would be without them? It's the sort of item that serves as that missing piece to a holiday. After all the decorating, pumpkin carving, scary movies, apple picking, and everything, these cookies and their bright orange cream make the season complete.

Even with the end of October being so near, I want to remind you all there's still time to fit in some good memories. Just over the weekend I was able to swing by our local courthouse which had been converted into a haunted attraction, went to a cousins countryside wedding, and finally remembered to get one of those McDonald's pumpkin pies. Even now there are plans to get out and see the new Halloween between bouts of schoolwork, pumpkin carving, and various bits of preparation.

Considering all there is left to be done before the big night this will most likely serve as the final entry of this Halloween season, though there may be an aftermath report. We've done a lot this year. Beyond talking about this trio of great anthology stories, we revisited a series of horror games about dinosaurs, went on a bat walk, constructed our first official mood table, discovered a great Korean ghost movie, found some awesome old books, ate so many snacks, and even managed to start school and attend a wedding. There's always an item or two that gets lost in the shuffle, very little can be done about that. When it's late on Halloween night and all the ghouls have gone to sleep, I hope you'll have your Griswold moment as you look back on everything you've accomplished, smile, and say with full pleasure “I did it.”

Thank you all for making CosmicSparky a part of your holiday. 2018 has been a crazy, rushed, and complicated year and it makes me happy to think this website could provide even a little entertainment for anybody. May you have the happiest of Halloweens. Eat the best candy, watch the scariest movies, and show kids that life can actually be pretty great. I'll be here with more crazy crap for you all throughout the coming months as we celebrate more great holidays. For now, go have some fun.

CosmicSparky's Halloween Watch-List 2018

Here we are with just over a week to go before the big night of ghouls and goblins. Despite a few odd hang-ups it's been a pretty solid season and there's still enough time to fit in a good haunted house, some pumpkin carving, and plenty of spooky movies. Naturally I've been keeping to my tradition of at least one scary movie every night though there have been a few that have counted more as glorified background noise during bouts of schoolwork.

One nagging issue on this page is that, outside of praising Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum earlier this month, there's been little opportunity to talk about movies with you all. I aim to remedy that issue by ushering in what may become a permanent fixture of future Halloweens where I offer some suggestions. Some are totally scary affairs, others are a bit goofy, a couple of them aren't even horror films. I think each of them make a fine enhancement for the holiday. Let's kick things off with proper horror flicks.

For those craving some under the radar frights you can't go wrong with Late Phases: Night of the Lone Wolf. The set-up is simple, a cranky old blind veteran moves into a senior living neighborhood only to be attacked by the resident werewolf. He survives but his dog isn't so lucky, and so begins a campaign to get revenge on the man-mutt responsible for killing his pooch.

Late Phases manages to function as a sort of character-study as our hero is a gruff bastard with a strained relationship towards his adult son. Even though he's a grim character his quest is easy to relate with. He doesn't have much save for his dog. Once that's taken from him it's simply a matter of taking out the bad guys no matter the cost.

This is a tight dramatic movie elevated by excellent performances from the likes of Ethan Embry, Lance Guest, Tom Noonan, and Nick Damici as our hero. It's probably best suited for a more intimate viewing. Perhaps solo or with the significant other on a quiet night when the moon is bright.

Another recent horror flick that I haven't seen get anywhere near enough love is The Autopsy of Jane Doe. This one also benefits from a simple premise as a father and son coroners are tasked with the autopsy of a mysterious body found at a nearby massacre. As the pair dig deeper into the corpse they unlock further clues to her identity and inadvertently stir up some paranormal activity.

This is your straight-up scary recommendation for the year. I will admit that for those if us who ingest horror on a regular basis it may only bring some chills, but regular folk are likely to get nice and scared. There's a little bit of everything you need for a solid fright fest, from spooky noises over the radio to animated corpses, and all the gore associated with an autopsy.

There are a few drawbacks such as a somewhat ho-hum ending but for those in the market for a good scream, this is well worth you time.

Many of us have hidden gems tucked away in our movie library. Those awesome films that stick with us for years without ever garnering much attention elsewhere. One of my absolute favorite to show off comes from one of the men responsible for The Blair Witch Project, Eduardo Sanchez. The man has put together an interesting list films since then, even a decent Bigfoot flick with Exists. That said, he has never topped the work he did with Altered, a reversal on alien abduction tales where a batch of rednecks manage to capture a little green man.

Turns out this batch of good old boys have some history with space men, having been abducted and tortured years earlier. Now they're faced with a tough decision. What do you do with a blood-thirsty alien once you've captured it? You might say take it to the authorities but keep in mind this little monster has all sorts of tricks and his buddies are looking to get him back.

The sheer scope of storytelling that plays out in one house and the surrounding woods never feels tiresome, there are plenty of characters both stoic and stupid, and the critters are mean and deadly. There are a few sloppy plot-twists but the overall effort is astonishing. I've never quite figured out how Altered hasn't become a certified classic of the genre but It's one I think you should all take the time to track down.

While not a horror film in any shape or form, Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (AKA Knockin' on Heaven's Door) manages to provide some outstanding alternative Halloween viewing. As if it isn't enough to be a great anime, or a great action flick for that matter, the final act occurs on Halloween night amid a huge parade. I'd planned on putting together a full tribute for this one as it's holiday connection is often overlooked but time simply won't allow it.

Taking place between the twenty-second and twenty-third episodes of the TV series, this movie benefits from well-established characters while still offering a solid entry point for new viewers. It's the perfect treat for people who want something drastically different from scary movies but still want to maintain their seasonal spirit.

One of my favorite elements comes during the ending credits as we move into November first and watch life return to normal. Very few films based around any holiday properly tackle that ephemeral shift from full-scale celebration to everyday life. It's a neat comparison between how life builds up to events and then immediately back to business much the way these characters overcome crazy obstacles only to go back home and crash on the couch. Whether you're just regular folk or a space cowboy it's both the big and little moments that matter.

Here's another one for those craving something outside of the usual scary trappings. Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is spoof of black & white sci-fi monster movies, only the comedy largely comes from it being exactly like those old schlock-fests. From terrible special-effects and costumes to corny dialogue and senseless plot-holes, every detail is captured perfectly. At the same time it is one of the most comfortingly funny movies you'll ever see with lines you can quote for years to come.

The same writer/director along with this cast have made other throwback spoofs, including a sequel, radio plays, and one of the funniest novels I've ever read with Suburb at the Edge of Never. Even with all that to choose from the group has never made something as upbeat as this first outing.

For those of you with kiddies, consider this the family pick. There's no vulgarity of excessive violence to be found. It's just as clean as the old drive-in fare it pays tribute too. Like the combo of hot coco and a blanket, it's the perfect fit for a night when you need to be cheered up.

Last but not least we've got the wild-card pick for something so bad it's good. Night Train to Terror is a horror anthology comprised of re-edit and unfinished films. Each story is presented by god and the devil as they play chess on a train full of break-dancing teenagers. That should clue you in to the kind of “quality” this one has to offer.

Each segment is besieged by massive plot-holes, terrible effects, and unexpected nonsense. There's not a single redeeming factor to the whole production but given the right mood, a few beers, and some friends you've some legendary entertainment.

Content wise there's plenty of violence, nudity, satanic panic, and musical numbers. If you zero inclination to laugh at crap, stay away from this film. For those who love to replicate Mystery Science Theater at home, this is a holy grail.

I'm glad we got to talk about a few movies before the month is done. This is such an important topic for me at this time of year and it almost got lost in the shuffle. More than likely there will only be one more post before Halloween night, maybe two if I'm lucky. Until then I urge you all to get out and enjoy what's left of October. Set aside real-world responsibilities, they'll still be there in November. Take a walk in the park, play a scary game, or just sit outside among the decorations and drink some pumpkin ale. Enjoy this time time the way you see fit.

Tales From The Darkside: Halloween Candy and Symbiotic Black Cherry Limeade.

Continuing our countdown of Tales from the Darkside Halloween episodes we move on to a truly classic installment from season two. Directed by none other than special-effects legend, Tom Savini Halloween Candy shares a theme with the very first Halloween episode in that it's about a wicked old bastard receiving his just punishment from our favorite holiday. In this case the horrible old coot is a man who seemingly hates absolutely everything. No matter how hard he protests, he's about to learn that All Hallows Eve demands respect from us all.

When we first meet Mr. Killup he's in an extra pissy mood because it's Halloween night. He hates all those kids who vandalize his home yet he refuses to counter the issue by giving out candy as he feels they don't deserve it. His adult son, not wanting to spend another year cleaning soaped windows and toilet papered trees gives him some goodies to hand out. These two have a poor relationship. The son takes care of his father by bringing him groceries and such but openly mouths off about what a shitty childhood he had.

After his son leaves for the night, the coot still refuses to hand out candy. We spend a good amount of time watching him chase off kids, telling them to go to hell, and in the ultimate act of defiance pour a mixture of glue, mayonnaise, and candy into a kids bags declaring it to be “goblin candy.” What's great is that for as much as he complains, the damn fool never remembers the rule of turning off his lights. It's never spoken but this as sure a sign as any that he wants kids to come by just so he can be a dick.

Obviously we can't watch a senior citizen torment children for a half-hour, I could actually, but that wouldn't make for much of a Darkside episode. Eventually he passes out in front of the TV and that's when things get interesting. First we begin to see small flashes of static, followed by brief shots of Killup dead on the floor, and finally the doorbell rings. A very late trick or treater arrives at the door but this one isn't quite normal, the tail is a bit of a giveaway. It's a persistent little bugger, demanding “trick or treat” in a deep voice. Still Killup refuses to give out any candy and eventually resorts to shoving the little monster.

From then on things only get worse, bugs infest the home, food goes bad in the fridge, clocks either break or stop, while morning never seems to come. The tiny war continues this way with the goblin outside finding new ways to torment the old man who won't honor the night properly. It all comes to a cruel conclusion though one that isn't undeserved.

An episode like this can be tough to write about as so much of it comes from the audio visual aspect. These elements are handled well enough with blustery wind, plenty of dead leafs, not to mention the cavernous interior of the home. It all feels like a properly lonely and wasted holiday night. It's not quite up to the atmosphere of Cutty Black Sow, but it wasn't meant to be.

Where this episode earns its stripes is it's straightforward nature. Though it may not sound like tremendous fun to simply watch the interplay between a lonely old wretch and a creature aiming to punish him, the story acts like a classic morality tale. The Legend of Sleepy Hallow didn't need excess depth and neither does this. It's just a classic cautionary tale reminding us all not to be assholes on Halloween or something might come out of the dark at correct us.

Halloween Candy isn't the first example of an old man battling the spirit of Halloween. The very first episode of Tales From the Darkside tackles a similar theme, albeit from a different perspective. Many people will also notice the similarities to the portion of Trick r' Treat where Brian Cox as a retired bus driver faces off with Sam the trick or treater from hell. While this episode may not be quite as good as those two stories, it's still a damn fine seasonal treat that is more than worth the meager amount of time it takes to watch.

Just like last time we need a treat to pair with this episode. How about some goblin candy? Or failing that a colorful superhero movie tie-in? Just like Green Lantern before it, Venom has been bestowed a Brisk drink to call it's own. Not sure what fascination this brand has for sub-par comic book movies but I'm glad to see them continue the good work. I drank their former Green Lantern stuff by the gallon and it didn't have the advantage of fitting in with the best holiday around.

Symbiotic Black Cherry Limeade looks like the contents of a witch's cauldron sans the dry ice effect. I mean this stuff is dark with a slightly higher viscosity than you might expect, nothing approaching syrup levels mind you but you can see it cling to the curves of the bottle not unlike it's namesake space monster. The color is a deep red that's just shy of black. Along with the picture of the beast himself, a bottle practically functions as a consumable decoration.

Taking the first few sips it may surprise you that the flavor is fairly muted. There are the distinct tinges of lime and black cherry but nothing all that strong. It has an almost medicinal element to it similar to a low-carb energy drink without the chalky element. This is most likely due to the comparatively low sugar content along with the use of sucralose and tea powders. There is a big upside to this sort of low-impact flavor in that you can drink quite a lot of it without feeling bad. The second time I purchased a bottle it helped me stay perky and hydrated throughout the night, even if it severely lacks health benefits.

I should warn that this stuff leaves an odd aftertaste that I didn't mind but my nephew found very gross though he liked the initial flavor. My advice is to be ready to swap out for some water as soon as you're done with it. Poor ingredients and finish aside this is still one of the more interesting snacks of the season and worthwhile when paired with fine entertainment.

That's all for story time, folks. We're almost to the two week mark approaching Halloween. This is when all the big stuff happens and I expect you all to share some of your fun stories. I'm gonna continue to keep things spooky through the rest of the month, so keep an eye open for further posts.

Halloween Book Sale 2018 and Body Augmentation.

It's no secret that I go on and on about holiday traditions. Partly this is just me enjoying the few opportunities to boast but there's also the joy of sharing personal traditions that aren't universally available. Some people make a habit of visiting Halloween Horror Nights, others hold house-parties, I personally like to visit the local library book sale. This has been major fixture of October for maybe six or seven years so far. Mainly I use it as a chance hunt down out-of-print horror and pulp novels but am glad to include any interesting relics that cross my path. Some years are full of great finds, others require a bit more effort to bring home something decent. This time the sale had the added benefit of making up for an unexpected bit of body augmentation. I suppose celebrating the month of fright in a manner befitting Frankenstein isn't such a bad idea but I sincerely hope it doesn't become a regular occurrence. Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of teeth and books.

Lately I've been staying up far too late before getting to bed and today was no different. It was nearly eight in the morning when I decided to brush my teeth and hit the hay. Near the end of scrubbing the old purely whites I hit something between the upper front incisors. After applying additional pressure something came loose, leaving a hole in the back of my tooth. Turns out a filling was loose and took the opportunity to pop out.

At first I thought I'd get some sleep and then get up and call some dentists but wouldn't ya know it's incredibly tough to get to dreamland when your body has turned into a Cronenberg movie. Imagining myself as the next Brundlefly I got on the phone and called a nearby dental clinic that accepts my terrible insurance. Problem is nobody would answer the damn call. Next I decided to call my former dentist who had installed these fillings in the first place.

Given the chance to to come in and get fixed up I headed over on this perfectly crisp and cloudy full day. Upon getting in the chair I asked the dentist to check another spot I was concerned about and it turns out there was a second missing filling. Actually heard the phrase “why won't these stay in there?” Nice to know my mouth can mystify a professional. Mercifully they stood by their work and put in the replacements for free. Now I can break in these free new chompers with some Halloween candy.

After some late and much-needed sleep I was finally able to check out the book sale. While far from the biggest selection this year had some real treats. Everything's so crammed together that you always walk away thinking you missed something important. This feeling is even worse when you only have so much cash on hand, which is why I have to return for a tome of local history and maybe the biography of Michael Cain. For now let's just entertain ourselves with the primary haul.

In paperbacks there are three solid looking horror tales. The Vamphyri! is the second installment of Brian Lumley's Necroscope series. I've only ever read about a quarter of the first novel before getting sidetracked by something else but what little I'd taken in has stayed with me since. The whole franchise is a mix of international espionage with ghosts, magic, and monsters. Wouldn't be surprised to see it transformed into a show at some point as peak TV mines ever deeper for new content.

Witch Child is the one that has me really excited. Didn't have to know anything about it after seeing that cover and the Zebre publishing logo. They were one of the biggest pushers during the horror paperback boom of the 70's and 80's which makes anything like this an item of note. Likewise have very little clue about Animals but a cover like this isn't likely to let me down.

When it comes to hardcovers I was lucky enough to stumble across some Time Life Enchanted World books. These were a big deal for kids of a certain age. Personally I used to take them out of the library before I was even able to read thanks to the amount of badass art contain in each volume. Of the three available I stuck with Tales of Terror as the other two were more bright and romantic subject matter.

Next we have The Vampire Hunter's Casebook, a collection of vampiric short stories that had to come home for one reason. Among the selection of unknown tales, and public domain outings is The Night Stalker. That may not stand out to everyone but as the first story of Carl Kolchak, famously brought to life on screen by Darrin McGavin, I had to have it. Out of everything I picked up this is the most likely to be read this month thanks to its short length. Otherwise I have to read stuff for school which is just so boring.

Yes, I decorate DVD racks too.

I was also lucky enough to get a few dvds for a pittance. One is a collection of drive-in trash, some of which I already own, but for a buck who's gonna complain about a few repeats? Then there's Wolf, the big-budget Jack Nicholson werewolf flick. I've somehow avoided routinely forgotten about this one over the decades and had considered buying a blu-ray to finally check it out. Now here it is well-ahead of the full-moon when I regularly view a night of werewolf cinema. Lastly is the infamous remake of The Wicker Man which I'm stashing for use as a Thanksgiving cinematic turkey.

Any day when you can get some good books, cheap movies, and a few new body parts is pretty successful in my book. Time to relax and attempt to finish Super Metroid, watch something spooky, and maybe do a little schoolwork. There should be an update during the weekend and maybe another early next week. As for you Super Sentai fans, recaps will resume though it may not be until after Halloween depending on a few factors. That's all for tonight folks.