oNe LiTre oF tEaRs...

_oNe LiTre oF tEaRs..._

this is e show im toking about...hahAHaa...one of e pic i found n really liked...okie...e jappy words mean..."sometimes it feels as though my body is not my own...what is really happening to me?" all thanks to mabel's friend! =)


one litre of tears...

tEarS

_tEarS_

im nt crying...its a show title...tears...oso known as one litre of tears...i read about tis show frm i tink TDS newsletter...by a gal called hazel... *i met her in kkh b4 liao...she's of mine age...hahHAaa* well...we both have e same condition...but i tink...she's more confident about it den mi...im still accepting...i guess...though tings are getting better now...

okie...back to e show...its a seriously superly touching show...from the bery 1st piece...i kept crying...n i meant...ALL E WAY...cant believe it sia...haix...so touching...i finish a whole pack of tissue by e 3rd piece...which is like 3hrs...den i fastforward a bit at e back cox i was going out...though already fastforward...e tears still wont stop...now i understand y izzit called a litre of tears...

let mi tell u abit about tis show...its about tis 15yrs old gal...she was diagnosed with a uncureable illness...tis illness...cause her to lost her ability to walk, talk, in short...cont with her regular life...inititally...her parents didnt wan her to noe about tis illness...but she still found out about it herself...but instead of hiding off...she stood out bravly...her family members supported her...though her bro was like ashamed about her at 1st...he cum to realised there's nth to b ashamed off...but lots to b proud of his sister...her classmates...found her a burden...but still help her...yet she still choose to go to a special school...cox she knew wat's happening btw her n her classmates...cause she was on a wheelchair and didnt want to bring more trouble to her classmates...rmb...she cant cont properly wif daily life...including writing...cox her speed is slower than others...thus holding back lesson time...e illness took her away bery quickly...by e age of 25...she left...BUT...yes...i saying BUT...cox she at least had one of her wishes fulfilled...tt is to help other pple...though she's sick...jux simply by a poem she wrote...it touched many...

i skipped alot about e show...cox...i sae too much liao...pple may find it nt nice...cox im a bad story teller...but pple...once u watched e show...i tink u will find it nice too...i tink...there will b tears frm u...mayb nt frm everyting...but frm bery touching parts...i hunted bery long for tis show...so i tink its a good show n a good buy...i didnt even bother to see whether youtube has e show...cox i wan to own tis show...

actually...tis show made mi tink alot...i was wondering...wat if im tis gal?will i b as strong still?yes...i may have an uncureable illness too...but as long as i take good care of it...i can leave for a long time...like another other of mi age...but wat if im chosen for such a illness which will take mi away within a short 10 yrs? wat will i do? will i still cont to do music...or would i jux gif up music?i dunno...but i pray hard...tis dae wouldnt happen to mi...but if it should happen to mi...well...i guess...tempers will b thrown...but eventually...i will accept it...n live everydae happily...n with a smile...no matter how bad tings may get...

i dun wan complications to occur...so i mux really take good care of miself...no matter how hard it may get...i will to live life to e fullest...jux in case...i may jux leave tis world forever tomole...its okie nt to b in a uni...but its not okie if one is unhealthy...so to everyone out there...with or without health problems...u mux really take good care of urself... =)

i tink...i will treat leaving himb as a illness i haf...painful to noe at 1st...wanting to get back like before...but eventually...still accept the fact...n let it die away...not me dying in tis case...but the tot, memories, effort...everyting of himb...will die away frm mi...i can do it...

i will do it...

i MUST do it...

thanks to hazel...
thanks to one litre of tears...
thanks to mu teng ya ye (i dunno her jap name...but i tink...she's e real gal who really gt e illness n kept her dairy which eventually led to tis show)...
thanks to everyone who took ur time to read... =)

e mUsT-b-bLog sEawEed!

_e mUsT-b-bLog sEawEed!_

i dunno how many of u like seaweed...but there's tis brand...TAO KAE NOI brand seaweed...ITS SO TASTY...

i dunno i have eaten how many packs le...

but it helps mi to reduce mi stress n problems though...haHAHaa

I LOVE E SPICY FLAVOURED ONE!!!

n i hate e original one... =x

hahHAaa...but still...

ITS NICE!!! =)

uSeLesS~

_uSeLesS~_

nv in my life...i feel that...im so...

useless

can u believe it?i cant even help mi juniors solve their problems!im so pissed with miself about tt! SO PISSED! all i can do is...ask someone else to help them...someone who they can trust...n i can do nth else liao! NOTHING!

aniways...if u all dun trust wat i do in e band...tinking tt i onli scold e members...teach them all e rubbish...im sorry to tell u...i dun do such tings...i teach with mi heart n soul...n with mi pride...i scold when i need to...i praise whenever i can...in short...i do wat i feel is rite for them...good for them...and for their benefit!

IM A MUSICIAN FOR GOODNESS SAKE! WHY SHLD I DO ALL E RUBBISH TO OTHER MUSICIAN?!

damn it!

LeT's cLoSe dOwN e bAnd~

_LeT's cLoSe dOwN e bAnd~_

tt's wat one pt e members told mi...i oso tink so too...there's so many shocking news i learnt todae...n i was shocked by all tis stuff...bery...

e trust btw pple...communication btw e members, instructor, teachers n alumni...e bond btw e members, instructor, teachers n alumni...EVERYTHING...i really teared tis time...dun ask mi why...i tink it was due to shock n stress n sadness n anger...n every kind of feeling i had at tt time...n including...confusion...yEs...confusion...cox i dunno who's wearing a mask...n who's not...

honestly...i didnt realise so many sections are facing problems...but no one is there to help n give advice...i tried to do as much as i could todae...i listened to all their complains...n i oso told them mi tots n problems...

but after learning frm them todae...i tink...its really time to leave tis time...though i sae i will help these pple...i tink i shld leave to e other alumni...no matter how bad tings are now...im nt part of e band...i tink...im going to bridge miself out tis time...

honestly...wat's e pt of staying when tis pple cant trust u?nvm bout appreciation...e trust is nt there...so wat's e pt of staying?no point...gracia...u dumb ass! LEAVE E IDIOTIC BAND! no point for u to remain animore...NO POINT...n no way...

i even dun feel like going back holy to b a relief teacher...even though e pay is better than other jobs i done b4...but...so wat?as long as one teacher cant trust mi...i dun deserve to stay...

ALUMNI LISTEN UP! u better treat e members better...BOND with them...im seriously saying tis...for their sake n ur own sake...n dun tok bout other pple's bad behind their backs animore...walls haf ears...

e com n sl...i had a great session with u guys todae...i hope u all will benefit frm it...most imptly...jia you...ani prob can find mi...mi ears are open for u all though i may nt b around...

finally...gracia...u dumb idiotic ass hole...leave e band at once...starting frm now...hihs will b ur past...u will not enter tt school for now...if there's a job for u there...u better tink thrice b4 taking up e job...

tis is e promise i made...

and tis time...im seriously doing it...

cox i lost e trust of a teacher...or mayb teachers...

n im sad about it...

*tears*

weLL...

_weLL..._

tml's a time to relax...n i mean...im really going to e arcade...gelare for waffle n BLAHX!

im sick n tired of e life im hafing liao...sometimes...i jux wish...im nt in s'pore now...i wish to b in oversea studying music...i hope i haf enuff money to pay for mi piano lesson...i wish i haf a stable job...

nafa or nie...

nafa...i dun haf e money to learn...nie...do i really wan to b stuck in e teaching line?will i haf e patience...e determination...so many pple are telling mi tings...though i haf experienced it miself...so do i still want to cont with it or really jux stick to e music line?i seriously dunno bout aniting now...e mind is so full...

haix...if i were in an oversea skool studying music...will i wan to cum back after tt or jux stay there...gt a pr there...or would i cum back...

but wat if im in nafa...will i haf e strenght n determination to build e music i wan?e pieces i created...will it b known...e works i play...will it b heard?

nie...am i cut out to b a teacher...or am i jux a nobody?can i handle all these students all over again?or will i find it as hard as ever?

i keep telling miself...even if u r down...dun gif up faith n hope...but y am i always seeing nth...

mayb i shld learn mi bro...go to church...go pray...or mayb i shld haf more faith in mi god...or mayb...i shld haf more faith...in miself 1st...seriously...wat's e pt of believing in god...if i dun haf faith in urself?no offence to pple who believe deeply in their religion...tis is jux mi pt of view...

where shld i cont frm here?

where?

tHiNkiNg~

_tHiNkiNg~_

recently...ive been doing alot of tinking n reading...e old reports done by himb members...e documents i prepared for the band members...blah blah blah...

den i realised...its 7mths to syf in april 2007...n to tink...they were crying like mad last yr due to e unobtained gold medal...but yet little is yet to b done tis yr...i feel drained...really drained...in fact too drained to noe wat to do...how to help...

everydae...e tots keeps running...but e brain ain't working...bery taxing...bery tiring...but do so much...so wat?nobody cares or bothers...after i read e reports...was really damn sad...damn sad...bery bery bery sad...

if onli e band could improve...

if onli...