-memories-

-memories-

i was playing it juz now...my version...bought mi back some memories...when i was playing it...many tings went thru my mind...most bad stuff...i can feel tears almost rushing out while i was playing e part...esp e chordal part...i dunno y...but i felt bery...stess up...i was like...juz throwing out all my anger at tt part...tt's e best part i like bout e whole piece...coz its filled wif chords...n i really like...bang on it...when i need to...haha...not even beethovan 1st sonata movt 4 can let mi vent my anger like tt...i haf to thank my bro...his composition gave mi e idea of e variation...

memories...e piece which gave mi much headache...let mi tell u its history...haha...i was playing my horn one dae at e stairs...suppose to b prac e syf pieces...but was too tired liao...so i started playing some rubbish...den e 1st few beginning of memories's notes came out...so i tried to cont...it started wif less than a min on e piano...a bery simple version...i let some pple hear...they sae it sounds familiar...but no ones noes wat piece it is...i was quite depress at 1st...didnt feel like cont to do it...but i dunno y...one dae...one sat...i sat infront of e piano...though i was sick tt dae...i remember i was sick...but i juz sat at e piano...n all e ideas juz flow out...so i juz kept cont...den i wrote in down in e com...it didnt haf a title at 1st...den i gave it its name...memories...coz they piece...make up of sad part...a little lively part...a bery deep part...as it...dark...well...not really dark...okie...a hard to explain part...haha...and e ending...its made up of a famous piece chord...its like...letting memories live on...i dunno...haha...overall...e piece is like a bit depressing like tt...but at tt end...everyting cums to an end...n gd memories do exist too...sth like tt...haha...i dunno...but how i felt while doing e piece...2dae...further improvement r made...hopefully its better than e 1st...

memories left mi wif some bad memories too...but...i shall try to 4get bout it...though i noe its hard...im trying...haiz...

but overall...i like tis piece bery much...coz...it really bring mi back some memories...

i shld try to improve it more...

but tis time...everyting to myself...

...for e time being...

-who cares?-

-who cares?-

wat do u noe?nth at all...

wat can u do?nth at all...

haiz...one more wk...n no more...seriously no more...

stop mi...if u see mi...

-the forgotten-

-the forgotten-

im e forgotten alumni exco...

yesh...i am...

i dun care who will b seeing tis...alumni exco member or wat...but now...im really angry...sad...n jealous...

i was onli asked todae...one dae b4 e event...last yr oso like tt...how can i not b angry...how can i not b upset...

u all 2dae juz ask mi...n expect mi to attend tomole?HELLO!!!im too depressed to go tomole liao lah...

im e onli alumni exco who was not asked...y?coz i wasnt a ex-major b4...u can sae tt onli past 5yrs majors were invited...but...HEY!im ur alumni exco here...how can i b 4gotten?

i contribute so much to e band...but im always e one who seems to b forgotten...y?in fact...i can sae tt among e alumni exco...im e one who contribute e most...i dun care whether u all agree wif mi not...but...tis is how i seriously feel...yet our efforts...are seemed e same...HELLO!!!i haf a pride here too...i get jealous too...im human too...

i dun mind kana scolded by her again...been sae by e others...or watsoever...but i haf to sae tis lor...im 100% jealous for tis 1st time after being in e alumni exco 4 so long...pple...pls 4gif mi...ive control too long...im starting to depress myself...i need to let go a bit now...im human too...

i dun care how u all tink...or how u guys feel...but i do seriously haf a pride here too...i haf emotions too...been treated tis way too long...i seriously cant take it anymore...i had enuff...i noe...e nxt moment...i might b sae tt i onli tink 4 myself...but if i really juz tink 4 myself n not e whole alumni exco...n not for e whole band...i wont b doing 4 much...i like tis band...but i cant seem to work well wif e alumni exco...due to diff education system?i like e band...but i dun feel appreciated at all...yes...u all always sae...e instructors blah appreciates mi...but...e pple who i gt involved with most often dont seem to appreciate my efforts...i tink i kept all tis to myself too long...so im juz shooting everyting out...im human too...

pple...i noe some of u r calling n saying im selfish...let it b...im superly depressed so im saying all tis...so if u really cant carry on reading..4get bout it...juz leave...dun bother to cont...juz close e window...or read someone else's blog...but if u wan to cont reading...go ahead...so how depress im or watsoever...

pple...pls...seroiously...if i sae i dun care bout credits...im lying...i do care bout it a little...i dun mind not given credits if i dun deserve them...but when i shld b getting them...n yet not given...i too will feel sad...feel jealous...im also human...im showing a green side of mi...e side which i dun like...but i had enuff...i cant take it anymore...there's too much tings coming my way...i need some encouragement...some nice words...im human too...

i feel myself breaking down each dae...hopefully...when tt dae cum...e dae when im fully broken down...e dae when i will not b able to take it animore...im hoping tt dae will come soon...onli when tt dae cum...i will b free...i will not haf a green side...i will b gone...but i dun tink tt dae will cum so soon...

i wan to cry...but i force myself not too...coz i noe...i shld b proud 4 my efforts put in...but...y am i always e unlucky one...y am i always e one grumbling...y am i always e one getting e saying...getting all e tupid feelings?i hate it...i hate myself...

should i or shouldnt i?i seriously dunno...

i need to cry...

seriously...

help...someone...make mi cry...

-controlling...-

-controlling...-

FINE!!!arrange...arrange all u wan...but at e end of e dae...muz u send it to someone else?hello...e work still belong to ME no matter how u change it!!!

now...im really pissed...

but i will control...

nth is going my way tis daes...

seriously tinking of leaving...let it b...i noe i will get scolding...but i had enuff...i cannot tolerate animore...ive controlled too much...for too long...im blowing up again...im going mad...going insane again...help...someone pls help...im nt e person i used to b again...i dunno wat's wrong wif mi again...all i do now...is nth...yes...i do study...but nth goes into my brain...all i wan to do now is...music...

listening to peterloo overture now...its featuring mi feeling in some parts...dark...sorrowful...doubtful...confused...everyting...

memories aside now...delication to who...yet to b known...hoping 4 new tots...tis time...for myself...ive learnt my lesson...i shld not b angry...its my fault aniway...for memories...

mrs tan's farewell...i dun tink im going ba...shld b going out to study...going to study wif kitty tomole...tis few daes...muz rush all my hw liao...haiz...i seem like ive been working thru-out e WHOLE hols...but...my work nv seem to b ending...tis seem like a never ending journey...

haiz...my life haf been a mistake...

had band prac 2dae...i cant play animore...i need more prac...seriously...MORE...my playing sux...okie...my playing sux all e while...

im angry...no matter how u apologise or wat-so-ever...it will nv change...one ting bad enuff liao...u did another...fine...oso...dun bother to apologise...i dun tink i will take it...

yesh...i might b hoping 4 new ideas to cum along...but to do it again...i dunno...okie...in fact...im a lousy composer too...i cant compose...so wat's e point?watever...i'll sae it again...

my life is a mistake...

im leading a miserable life again...onli music can kill e pain...i need my piano now...rite tis min...now...

so long...

-what's wrong wif mi?-

-what's wrong wif mi?-

i hate it...but i still allow it...wat's wrong wif mi?i noe to see ur stuff been changed or wat so ever is hurtful...but i still dunno y i allow it...haiz...cannot b a birthdae present for her liao...its edited...its known...

i suck...

memories suck...

i cannot compose...

=~

-haiz...haiz...-

-haiz...haiz...-

seem like quite long nv blog liao...

alot of tings happened lah...but i shall 4get bout e bad ones...

had balloon hat on sat...like some mad person in sentosa lah`...haha...all thanks to e band members...watever...but i had a little fun aniawys...if onli i can b in underwater world...haha...dotx lah...but...haha...nvm...haiz...miss mi horn...

haha...last few daes n last whole wk go back to skool...later oso need to go...juz now...do maths till like mad sia...but out of 6 ques...3 noe how to do onli...prob of not doing? 0.5...haha...DOTX!!!

okie...need go check mail see e alumni gt reply not...haha...

so long 4 now~

time to sae gd-bye...nice...